I’ve been paying more attention to the little quiet moments of the day.  Does this happen more and more as we go through life?  I hope so.  I’ve noticed that when the tv is off real life emerges.

And even though I CAN’T sleep without the fan whirring on my bedside table, when it’s turned off there is a feeling of peace in the air.

It makes me wonder what I’m afraid of…what am I trying to drown out?  I find a strange comfort in stupid tv shows and mindless chatter.  But setting that comfort aside lately has been oddly cathartic and has me longing for more quiet time.

And speaking of quiet time we have had a lot more of that going on here at Casa 007 these past couple weeks.  Addison is back at school and so far 4th grade is treating her well.

I think she is trying to find her footing and her teacher told me she thinks Addie is “sweet, kind and shy”.  SHY?  really?  Maybe she’ll come out of her shell as she becomes more comfortable with her classmates.  Her teacher also mentioned that Addison “has trouble focusing and staying on task”.  Now that one I know ALL about.

I really wish I could get into her head sometimes.  She’s a little hard for me to figure out.  Which is weird because I fancy myself an amateur psychoanalyst.  Even though I may need to visit one myself.

Alivia has been missing her playmate but it has been nice to be able to get some time spent without the competition…and the screaming.

I bought Alivia some Color Wonder paints and she has been creating some wonderful art without making a beautiful mess.  She told me that she is a “painter girl” and I honestly think she has a creative soul.  She sings songs on pitch, keeps dozens of books in her bed and plays the “pee-NO every chance she gets.

These two girls are such a joy to raise and though they might raise my blood pressure on a daily basis I feel really blessed to be their mom.

Alivia’s creative methods are a little odd but I bet somewhere along the way Van Gogh painted without his pants.

It’s no “Starry Night” but I think she has real talent.

And life speeds along…this time last year we were still living in the blue house.  It seems like such a long time ago.  It seems like we have lived in our new house forever.  And as much as I love our house now I miss that blue house sometimes.

Addison is officially an up and coming 4th grader and I can’t even believe I just typed that.  She has been a busy girl this summer with the girls in the neighborhood and they call themselves the “Kool Kids Club”.  All I know is they are loud, they make a ton of messes, they all have Bieber fever and they are always hungry and thirsty.  But they keep Addison from getting bored and they are all good kids so I can’t really complain at all.  Addison is experimenting with her independence and she has been very vocal about how I am “always ruining her life” and also how she “hates me forever”.  She did apologize for her mean words and I know she is just frustrated with her lack of control and I sympathize really but I don’t feel sorry for her at all.  I know my parents have put some sort of evil curse on me because of all I put them through in my teenage years.  She exhausts me mentally.  But she is cute and sweet most of the time and I love her.

Alivia is a creeping up on her 3rd birthday in October and that makes me feel sad and scared at how fast time passes.  She is completely potty trained and I can’t really take much of the credit.  She has only had a few little pee pee accidents.  Now that I have bragged on her a bit let me also say that she is definitely giving me a little trouble in the behavior department.  She is into everything and she knows exactly when I am distracted enough by cooking or cleaning to make her move.  She loves to get into the game cabinet and spread game pieces far and wide and she also loves to make beautiful artwork on things like windowsills, tv screens, walls and furniture.  She exhausts me physically. But she is cute and sweet most of the time and I love her too.

In May we spent a week at the lovely Polynesian resort at Disney World in Orlando.  We walked countless miles and sweat 40 buckets of sweat. Which is good because the deluxe dining plan is an evil plot to destroy all good intentions.   All in the name of FUN.  It was so awesome and want to go back soon…maybe in the fall next time.

I am enjoying the summer overall even if some days I feel like all the girls do is scream at each other and bicker.  I am focusing more on what makes me feel the happiest and most sane.

Like the fact that an empty dishwasher in the morning makes the whole day turn out to be a better day.

And carbs.  I love muffins, pretty much any kind.  I have been experimenting with different variations of muffins lately. ( healthy and non healthy)  Blueberry, Blueberry Oat, Banana chocolate chip, Banana applesauce…you get the picture.  All of them have been made with this WONDERFUL flour…I heard there is an organic version but I haven’t seen it in any of our stores.

This may or may not have contributed to the fact that I have gained back all 14 lbs that I lost in the winter and those 14 lbs brought a few more friends with them.  What the crap is up with that?  Why can’t I just eat what I want?  Why can’t I just be fat and happy?  These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Moving back to the things that make me happy.  I have been on a Muse kick lately because I just read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn for the nth time plus went to see Eclipse twice…what can I say?  It’s a true guilty pleasure and it makes me feel like a teenager again. But not really because I am an uncool married mom of two.  But at least I can buy beer legally now.

And speaking of beer…this has been one of my favorites this summer…it’s so easy to drink that Adam told me the other night that he needs to find a beer that I don’t like so that he can actually have some of it himself.  I’m sure this also has nothing at all to do with the 14+ lbs that have found their way back to me.  *Ahem*

This week I have been eating smaller portions and I haven’t even had any beer at all.  I have also been riding my bike despite the heat so I feel like I am getting back my motivation to feel healthier overall.

Except that I really could use a beer…and a muffin.

I can open a bottle of wine and enjoy it as my face gets flushed.

I can take a hot bath after a stressful and chaotic day.

I can eat dinner outside with my family and talk about everything and nothing at all.

I can call my mom anytime I want for advice.

I can have an argument with my husband and say “I’m sorry I might have overreacted”.

I can ride my bike and feel the wind on my face.

I can mop my kitchen floor.

I can tuck my children in at night and collapse on the couch with my remote and my Tivo.

I can go to Target and spend too much money and hide the receipt.

I can plan my kid’s birthday parties.

I can float in a pool on a hot summer day.

I can travel to DisneyWorld with my family and get lost in the “happiest place on Earth”.

I can help with homework and watch my child present a biography report in her classroom.

I can go shopping for shorts and tank tops and flip flops in the spring time.

I can turn up the music way too loud for a minivan.

I can read a vampire book.

I can make mashed potatoes.

I can worry.

I can rub her son’s back as he falls asleep.

I can take his picture and tell him how cute he is.

I can tell him I love him.

I can breath in and out.

But she can’t.

It’s not fair.  And I can’t believe it’s real sometimes.  I just can’t believe it.

Hey there.  I have been hibernating.  This winter kind of kicked my butt mentally.  I stopped exercising when the weather became too cold and I retreated into the house.  Life proceeded to move on whether I felt like staying in bed all day or not. Of course I kept pretty busy with the kids and my household  duties. I may have stopped exercising but I didn’t turn into Peg Bundy.

I did have a little bout of anxiousness there for a minute that threatened to take away all hope of peace of mind.  I blame it on the dreary weather and the lack of chocolate/simple carbs in my life.  But just when I thought I was going to have to run away to some beach somewhere the sun came out in Tennessee. Adam pumped up the tires on my jogging stroller, I laced up my tennis shoes, put on my spandex pants ( yikes!) and put my feet back on the pavement.

I am happy to say I feel like a different person.  We have opened up our windows and turned the ceiling fans around.  It’s Spring in TN and I do believe I got the spring back in my step. And a little pollen in my nose.

Gradually I got the twinkle back in my eye.

And while life won’t ever be perfect…blessings seem to be around every corner.

And even though I am out of hibernation…a girl still needs her beauty sleep.

And clearly some sun on my pasty skin.

Time passes too fast as it is so I know it’s foolish to wish it away.  My girls are growing up in warp speed and I am starting to feel the urge to have another baby.  AM I CRAZY?  It’s just that Alivia is more toddler than baby and Addison is going to be 9 in April and that is just blowing my mind.

Addison approx 6 months old

Alivia 6 months

I know this is how it works.  I realize that children grow up and we become grown ups we have our own children and then grandchildren and then before you know it we are old men and old women.  Ok  freaking myself out moooving on…

I don’t think Mr.007 is 100% on board with this whole “Ashley’s biological clock is ticking alarmingly loud” thing.  I can understand why…I mean he doesn’t have dreams about nursing babies NOR does he have ovaries that twitch at the very SIGHT of a tiny baby.   And that is probably a good thing because having a husband who dreams about breastfeeding and/or has twitching ovaries would just be ODD and UNCOMFORTABLE…and ODD.

Don’t get me wrong…I am not exactly ready to have another child this very minute.  I need to lose some weight, maybe fit in another DisneyWorld trip and more importantly get Alivia to use the toilet.  But even though I am not quite ready to try for a third child I have been thinking about it quite a bit.

Since we were so young when Addison was born I would like to be finished with the birthin’ more baybies portion of our lives fairly soon.  Not to mention (in my opinion) I am a REALLY cute pregnant lady! See Figures A and B below:

Figure A:

Figure B:

And since I have some fairly significant lady bidness issues that can make it take awhile to conceive I don’t know when to start trying.  The first to do would be to get my husband to say he is willing to risk having another hormonal wonderful girl.   It would probably  be good to talk to him about having another baby rather than to the whole wide internets.

Hmmm but I am sure he won’t mind.  Do y’all know any tricks to try for a boy  baby? Because I really need one!!

Not that I wouldn’t love another girl!  Because we sure do make some beautiful girls!  See Figures C and D below:

Figure C:

Figure D:

Even though another girl would be fine with me, it would be nice to have a little baby boy 007.  You know snakes and snails and puppy dawg tails and all that.  Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go take some Tylenol for this baby fever before it gets out of hand!

A blogger who can actually remember the password to her own blog dashboard.  Whatever I totally got it right the  fourth second time.  Ahem.

So where have I been? I have just been doing my thing Mrs. 007 style. Oh but I do have  a small confession.  This may be hard to take so maybe you should sit down.  I have been cheating on my blog with Facebook.  GASP!

Really I have just been living my little life.  Not too much has been going on and I have been feeling very happy and very blessed and that just seemed so BORING to write about.

Not that my life is boring to me but I just didn’t want to come here and write about how I am more in love with my husband now than I was the day I married him, that my kids are all kinds of awesome ,

that we love our new house and everything is just really really good.  I guess I just thought it would be sickening and icky and ho hum.

I didn’t have any crazy and/or disgusting stories to tell and I wasn’t sure you would care to hear about how I was on top of the laundry or that I cleaned out the closets and organized the playroom.  BLAH!

Then this week Alivia decided to give me something resembling blog material!

Notice how she just goes right on eating her banana as if nothing is out of the ordinary at all.  I will say that this picture was taken on a Monday and then she got into what was left of the baby powder AGAIN THE VERY NEXT DAY!

It wasn’t as funny to me the second time so I didn’t feel the need to snap another picture.  Alivia has embraced her role as a two year old wholeheartedly and decided that she likes to make mischief in any way she can.

And she recently thought she would check out what all of this vampire business was all about.

I may be making assumptions here but I think she is totally Team Edward.

Addison has been busy being a third grader and getting in trouble for talking too much.  She is as strong willed as ever and has been driving Adam and I CRAZY with her need to argue with EVERY SINGLE THING WE SAY.  I even ordered this book because I heard it was a big help with the sassy kids.

Addison is a very good kid and she seems to be very happy at school and at home.

I am not sure why I took this picture so crooked but don’t feel jealous of my excellent photography skills.  It’s a gift.

She is a great big sister and she still thinks it’s fun to play with Alivia.  I am impressed by this because of their age difference but there is always plenty of screaming and roughhousing when they play.  Alivia doesn’t take any crap from Addison and that’s a good thing because Addie seems to get endless pleasure from antagonizing her.

These girls are what keeps me sane and they drive me nuts at the same time.  I am not quite sure how that is possible but it is.

So what else?

Adam and I decided to go on the South Beach diet.  I have lost 6 lbs and I think he has lost 7.  We hit the two week mark today and I am looking forward to eating something other than lean meat, veggies,  low fat cheese and nuts in a few days when we move into Phase 2.  I am so sick of eggs for breakfast that the thought of eating an omelet makes me want to run for the hills.

My birthday is next week and Adam is getting me something FUN!!  I am getting a tattoo of a dogwood branch in memory of my Aunt Missy.  It’s been two years since her death and I want something tangible and beautiful to remind me of her often.  Plus I think tattoos are fun as long as they are tasteful!  I have been thinking about doing it for at least six months so I feel very good about my decision.

I am not sure if  I will feel inspired to write again before Christmas but if I don’t I hope everyone (that still reads my blog) has a wonderful holiday!

: one who manages a household especially as a wife and mother

“One who manages a household especially as a wife and mother”

It sounds so simple.  One little sentence that is a very accurate assessment of what a homemaker does.  We manage our households.

Sure it’s about menu planning and grocery shopping and the basic stuff like cooking, cleaning the house and taking care of the kids.  It is about getting my hands dirty and making sure everyone is fed, bathed and clothed.

But it is also about a feeling I am trying to create.  I think it’s a feeling I had as a child.

It’s a feeling of comfort and contentment and a coziness that is hard to describe.  It’s pancakes on Saturday morning and piling in mom and dad’s bed on Sunday morning.   It’s decorating for Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and  all the holidays throughout the year.

It’s about reading the same book 11 times in a row, making blanket forts and drinking  sixty cups of delicious imaginary tea.

I really think about how I want my girls to remember their childhood home.  I am sure they will remember me telling them to clean up their rooms or to stop screaming RIGHT THIS MINUTE before I PULL THIS VAN OVER!  But mostly I hope they remember that their home was warm and fun and sometimes really LOUD but they always felt loved there.

Because if home is nothing else at all it’s a place where you should always feel loved.  And pancakes… there should definitely be pancakes.

This post is a part of a blog carnival hosted by my lovely friend Elizabeth.  The idea was to write about home.  You should click here and go read some of the other posts.

WHY was I so angsty?  I was a middle class white girl in the suburbs.  I had nothing to be sad about.  But I wrote these dark, discontented poems.  Did I mention they were HORRIBLE?  And I would spend hours on them.  I would hand write and edit them…and then type them out in different fonts on the computer.  Sometimes I would add clip art pictures.  CLIP ART PICTURES!  Then I would print them out.  What the freaking crap? Oh it’s just soooo embarrassing!

I would NOT go back to being a teenager if you paid me a million bucks.  No thank you on the clusterfook of emotions and feelings and drama.

Regardless of how bad my writing was I never had a lack of inspiration.  I guess my hormonal teenage mind was a pool of ideas.  I don’t know when I stopped writing but I did…for a long time.

And then when Alivia was a baby I started again. And after I started my blog  it was like a couldn’t stop the ideas from coming.  I dreamed in blog posts…I kept a notebook by my side so I could jot down ideas as I had them.   I wrote almost every day.  I would get up from bed at night to write.  I would stay up into the wee morning hours to write.

And now?

…yeah obviously I haven’t been writing.  I am not really sure how to rationalize the lack of creativity I have been feeling.  I am definitely busy with life but that never stopped me before.  A rut maybe? I can’t really pinpoint the problem.  I still love the release I get when I write.  I still get inspired and think “wow I should really write that down”.

And you know what?  My lack of writing is not for lack of material.    I would love to write about SO many things.  However the things I would benefit most from writing about and the things that would probably be the most fun to read about are a bit too private for the internet.  Even for me.  Come to think about it the only way I would ever even write about those things on paper would be if I could author an anonymous book.   And even then I am sure people would find out.  (Maybe I should buy a diary with a lock on it like I had when I was 15.)

So basically all of the deep dark juiciest material is just stuck in my brain with no hope of ever coming out.

Maybe that is what the problem is.  Maybe I am too bogged down with all of that stuff and it’s blocking everything else?  Who knows…but I am still here and maybe I will get my creativity back soon.

God has blessed Adam and I with these two beautiful girls.  We had Addison by herself for so long that I was afraid I couldn’t feel the same love  for another child.  That fear was squashed when Alivia was born in October 2007.  They whisked her away because she had a few breathing problems at birth so Addison and I got to meet her at the same time later that evening.  When they brought her to me she was crying and I couldn’t get her into my arms fast enough.  Apparently Addison was feeling the same way because she asked if she could hold Alivia before I had even touched her.

I had an intense urgency to hold my new baby and nurse her ASAP so I told Addison that she would get her chance after mommy.  She silently walked over to the other side of the room and started to cry.  She wasn’t doing it for attention or to get her way.  She just genuinely wanted to hold her baby sister.   My heart broke into a million pieces and I told her to come over to my bed.  She perked up and came over timidly.

Addison is anything but timid so I could tell she was having a lot of emotions at that moment.  So was I.  It was incredible.  And in that moment Addison knew what it meant to be a sister.  And  I melted inside.

Alivia just turned 2 last week and her personality is becoming more clear day by day.

She is naturally funny and she laughs all the time.

She is in the typical “into everything” phase but I seem to have endless patience with her.  And that is saying something because being a patient mommy doesn’t come very naturally to me.   I honestly can’t get enough of her.  She makes me a better mom to both of my girls.

She is happy all the time and she says so many funny things.  She is learning learning every minute and she has a love for books which makes me so happy.  She sleeps with books and carries around a few of her favorites that she likes us to read over and over and over.

She is very rarely seen without Addison’s old DW doll, her little taggie blanket and almost always a book.

I just can’t believe how fast these two years have passed.  It was just the three of us for so long and then we became a family of four.

And now it feels like she has always been here.

And now I feel like my baby is growing up and I need a new one!  Who will help me convince Adam that we need to start trying for a boy?  Just kidding…ahem no I’m not.

We have been in our new house for over 4 weeks now.  We are totally unpacked.

Well totally unpacked except for the junk drawer box.  It’s FULL of junk.  Shocking I know.  And we are TOTALLY unpacked except for the boxes in the garage.  We have been extra productive.

Everyone knows how much moving sucks and I don’t plan to do it again for a long time.  Adam and I realized how very very out of shape we are when at the end of each day we felt like we were 99 years old and falling apart.  In the past couple months we have ingested more Aleve than people in their twenties should.

Oh BUT WAIT  my husband is no longer in his twenties!  He turned 30 on the 31st of August!  I just want to point out that I am still 28 for the next 2 1/2 months and then I get to be in my twenties for an ENTIRE YEAR after that.  My husband is robbing the cradle isn’t he?  Scandalous!

Since we moved in I have noticed a lot of things.  We have A LOT of stuff and crap.   As we were unpacking I had a rule that if it didn’t have a place it wasn’t allowed to stay.  We now have a pile of stuff and crap in the garage that we are going to sell in a garage sale.

Which by the way would imply that we actually have a garage!  Which we do!  And that is extra extra exciting to us because a garage was one of the biggest things on our priority list when we were house hunting.

And speaking of house hunting…(how’d you like THAT segue?) if you know me at all you know that I am obsessed with anything to do with looking at houses. I might have mentioned  before that one of my favorite shows is House Hunters on HGTV.  The previous owners of the house we bought are going to be on that show!  Which means that our new house is going to be on House Hunters!!

Of course it will only be at the beginning of the show and we will get to hear about all of the reasons the people wanted to move.  But I don’t care!  We love our new house and I think it’s totally cool that it is going to be on TV!  Even if it is the reject house.  So be on the lookout on HGTV sometime in October or November for a cute family with twin girls and a boy from TN.

Ok enough gushing about the house hunters thing.

Addison started a new school for 3rd grade a couple weeks before the actual move.  She didn’t want me to take her picture the first day of school.  I am apparently  the meanest mom EVER and I totally made her cry and insisted upon taking pictures of her even though she couldn’t pull herself together.

It was a disaster.  Here’s proof.

We actually did hug and kiss and she was able to take one last first day picture under the dogwood tree in the front yard.

Now theeeeere is the Addison we all know and love!

She has done really awesome socially.  She has made  lots of new friends and is even lucky enough to have another 3rd grade girl from her school as a neighbor.  What more could we ask?  They have hit it off and have been spending copious amounts of time riding bikes and doing other things 3rd grade girls do.  Like for example talk in hushed voices about a cute boy who rides a dirtbike near our house.  Um yeah totally NOT ready for the whole boy crazy thing.  NOT READY AT ALL.

Academically speaking it’s been a big change.  I know 3rd grade is a tough year but I also think Addison previous school might have been a little easier than the new one.  I am thankful she is in a tougher school now because she is getting a better education but she is  having to work really hard not to get behind.  We are studying hard and her grades are looking great.

I know she will be fine because we work with her constantly. But  sometimes I feel like I am homeschooling her and let me just tell you I am NOT a teacher.

I didn’t miss my calling there.

However I have been making flashcards, practice tests and study sheets each week and it seems to be paying off.  She is becoming more confident and I am getting into the swing of things better every week.

Alivia is doing awesome as well.  She never really missed a beat and has adjusted very well to the change in surroundings.  She is cute as EVER and she toddles around the house playing in her new playroom and following Addison and her friend Anna around.

She is into everything and I definitely get worried if she gets too quiet because she is more than likely eating baby powder or drawing all over her body with a pen.  Btw those things actually happened.

Other times when she is quiet I will find her in her room in front of her bookshelf…just reading a book.

Whew! that is always a relief.  I then say a silent thank you to God that she is not flushing washcloths down the toilet.

I am such an attentive mother.

All in all I think this has been a great move for us.  The neighborhood is fabulous and I have been taking full advantage of the nice wide streets by putting plenty of mileage on my jogging stroller.  Alivia, Max and I have a new morning routine of walking/jogging/me and Max both panting unattractively because well he is a dog and they pant and me because I am so very out of shape.

We have all been enjoying it and even though I haven’t lost any weight yet I feel better and I actually want to go do it every day. I am just hoping that one of these days I am going to look down and my fat belly is going to be gone and my double chin will have reverted itself back up into my first chin.  Hopefully sooner rather than later because I have a new walk in closet all to myself that I need to fill up with smaller cuter clothing.

I even took Addison with me on a run one Saturday when Adam was out of town.  She was all gung ho and smiles before we left…

and about 15 minutes in my goodness gracious you would have thought I was putting her through some sort of torture.  She refused to actually run with me and I would get way far ahead of her and then have to stop and wait for her to catch up.  All while listening to her whine about how tired she was and how much her legs and stomach hurt.

I mean HELLO she is 8 and I am 28!  Keep up girl!  Next time I am going to let her ride her bike so maybe we can actually enjoy each other’s presence.

I realize this has been one heck of a long post so I’ll wrap it up there and hopefully I can manage to write again before another month passes.

I’m not making any promises though because I will probably be too busy scraping dried yogurt off of the furniture or trying to figure out how to get permanent marker off of some important surface.