My boys love going to youth group at church.  They look forward to it, they are upset if we have to miss (because they have strep throat, for instance) and even tell their friends how much fun they have at church.

I love that they feel this way about going to church on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings. We discuss what they are learning on the way home and I am amazed (and sometimes amused) by what they have taken away from the lesson.

A few weeks ago I found myself a bit frustrated because the boys had gotten in the car for a few groups in a row with nothing concrete to share.  Questions like “what are they doing down there?”, “don’t they have a plan?” came out of my mouth.  Critical, unkind and judgmental words.

Great example, mama.

I was quickly convicted that my words were wrong.  I apologized to the boys and that night I laid praying about my quick tongue (it really gets me in trouble some times).  I was just as quickly convicted that my heart was not in the right place.

My child’s relationship with God is not the churches responsibility or the youth pastors responsibility.  It is my responsibility.

Ouch!

The bible points us to raising a child in the way he/she should go (live by example, get your child comfortable with the Word).  Darn it, there is not a word in there about youth pastors.

While I think that youth pastors have an incredible opportunity to make an impact on teens and tweens, their role by no means alleviates the responsibility to instill values, teaching and a love for the Word in our own children.

Does this make sense?  Do you feel the same way or disagree?  What about kids that aren’t being raised in Christian homes?  Discuss with me in the comments

And~if you have written a post about teens/tweens that you would like to showcase please put the permalink to the post in the MckLinky below.

Mike and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary in July.  Every year we celebrate the fact that we have beat the odds, particularly for how young we were when we got married.  Today Sheila encouraged us to look back and think about what we wish we had known when we first became husband and wife.  By sharing those things the hope is that couples who have not been married for quite as long can benefit from the things we have learned in the trenches of marriage.

Here is my (by no means conclusive or exhaustive) list:

• Love is a verb not a feeling.  I do not always “feel” in love with Mike.  I hope that doesn’t sound mean because it’s not.  Most of the time those feelings have little to do with him and more to do with me.  With how busy I am, where I am in relationship with God, my fatigue level and illness.  Do I always love him?  Absolutely.  Why?  Because love is a decision, a choice, an action.  And I make the choice to love him everyday, the decision to be the best wife I can be every day and look for ways to act out that love (like putting the toilet paper so it rolls over even though I am an under girl)
• Date night is not neglecting your kids. I remember how guilty I felt each time (which was rarely back then) that Mike and I would go out alone.  I would spend the whole time calling home to make sure the kids were okay and when I wasn’t calling home I was talking about the kids.  It was years before I realized (after a marriage conference) that spending alone time with my hubby was vital to the health of our relationship. We began making that time sacred, focusing on us and our relationship, doing fun things together (love riding the motorcycle) and our marriage greatly benefited from it.  Let go of the mommy guilt.  A healthy marriage is actually one of the best things you can do for your children!
• Make sure you are on the same page.  So many of our early arguments could have been completely avoided if we understood where the other was coming from.  We frequently sit down and check in with each other to make sure we are working toward the same goals.  If you don’t understand something your spouse said or it seemed hurtful, double check with them.  I am amazed at the times I have told Mike something he said hurt my feelings and he looks at me like I have horns.  The way he said it or his choice of words was not meant to hurt me.  Huh?  Would’ve never known that if I hadn’t asked.
• In your anger do not sin.  The Bible is your life manual and it gives great advice for what NOT to do when you are angry.  Notice God doesn’t tell us not to get angry, He wired us to have feelings and emotions.  Our mandate is to not let the anger get the best of us and lead us to sin.  To lash back, to say hurtful things, to go to bed fuming about something your spouse did, to give the silent treatment…all of those are red flags that we are letting our anger cause us to sin.

I could go on and on with the things God has revealed to me during the last twelve years.  For more sound advice on marriage visit Wifey Wednesdays.

There are over 20,000 ways to save with this program.  Registering is easy.  Just visit www.tropicana.com.  Then with every specially marked package of Tropicana Orange Juice you will earn points to use towards rewards in this program.  These points can be used with companies like Adidas and EA Sports Active along with many other companies. One carton of Tropicana OJ can save you up to $15 on everything from tickets to the zoo to work out apparel.

I like to bring opportunities like this program to your attention because most of us buy orange juice for our families anyway.  This is a way to earn things in return for all the OJ we ingest (which in my house is a good bit )

**I wrote this review while participating in the Tropicana Juicy Insiders Ambassador program by Mom Central on behalf of Tropicana. I received 12 free Juicy Rewards points and a $50 Visa gift card to use in redemption of the points and to facilitate my review**

But that was then and this is now.  Now, my mere existence makes me the most embarrassing woman on the planet.  And kisses- ha!  Wiped off quicker than chocolate frosting from a doughnut.  Yet, the dogs can lick their face- can someone explain that to me?

Anyway, I digress.  Fridays are about finer things and Friday favorites.

That is why I smile to myself, as I type this post, and my 13 year old son’s head rests on my lap as he sleeps his cold/ear infection away.  I know these moments are fleeting- they are few and far between.

So I will sit here all day if need be and cherish every moment.

Every child loves a good game of hide and seek. There are the fun butterflies they get in their tummies when they’re waiting to be discovered and the pride they feel when they’re able to count to ten and then yelling, “Ready or not, here I come!”

But children who are hidden from the U.S. Census counts (taken only once every 10 years) are not a laughing matter. So, ready or not, here comes 2010 Census … and you have an important role to play!

Many parents may not realize the importance of accurately reporting the number of children in their family, including newborns. The truth is that the undercount of children means that we do not get a true picture of our nation and our communities do not get their rightful share of public funds.

Why Children Count Too
Children have been undercounted in every census since the first one in 1790. Local communities rely on census information in planning for schools, child care, health and other critical services. Babies need to be counted today, so they can benefit tomorrow from community services.

Census counts are used, in whole or in part, for more than 140 programs that distribute more than $400 billion of federal funds to states and localities, including such child-focused programs as:

• Special Education Grants to states ($10.8 billion)
• Head Start ($6.9 billion)
• State Children’s Health Insurance Program ($5.9 billion)
• Foster Care Title IV-E ($4.7 billion)
• Improving Teacher Quality State Grants ($2.9 billion)

Unlike adults, who may bear some responsibility for making sure they are counted in the Census, children are dependent on others to make sure they are included. Yet in 1980, 1990, and 2000, Census Bureau data show children, particularly young children, are one of the groups most likely to be missed in the Census. In fact, in the 2000 Census, there was a net undercount of more than 1 million children under age 10.

When playing hide and seek your children have the opportunity to be found after ten seconds.

The Census only comes around every ten years. So when you receive your Census form in mid-March, make sure your child (no matter how old) is counted!

**I am helping to spread the word about the Census as a partner with the Global Influence network.  I may receive a gift card for my participation in this campaign.**

Thank you all so much for the discussion that we had on last week’s topic.

This week I wanted to focus on respect.  Sunday I picked up the latest issue of Home Life magazine at church (shameless self promotion, I am quoted on page 54).  I also picked up the February issue and it had a very convicting article about the spiritual impact of your child’s disrespect. This article stepped all over my mama toes so I wanted to take a few minutes to discuss the meat of it today.

Here is the line that really stuck with me:

If you aren’t teaching your children to respect you, how can you expect them to respect other authority figures, and most importantly, a holy God?

I have to admit that my children were much more respectful of me (in tone, words and actions) when they were smaller.  I take responsibility for the decline in their respect because I am not nearly as consistent with discipline as I was when they were little.

To be honest, it was easier to discipline them when they were five and six years old.  A time out or sending them to bed early nipped behavior in the bud.  My boys were crushed if I was upset or disappointed in them.

That is simply no longer the case!  Grounding from privileges takes a lot of work to enforce and I often find myself giving in.  And, sometimes it really seems ineffective.  However, this article reminded me of parenting principles I had lost sight of including the fact that delayed obedience is disobedience.

Have any of you ever put off listening to God when He lays something on your heart?  I am guilty of that, for sure.  How will our kids ever understand the importance of following through with what God has in store for them if I don’t expect obedience from them the first time I make a request?

The article had the following tips for children that are resisting respect that I found helpful:

• Ban the use of a favorite technology until you see noticeable improvement in your child’s behavior (at this rate Jared will not get his cell phone back until he’s 30)
• Ask your child to rephrase statements to communicate respect (this would probably work better than getting angry and yelling back, huh?)
• Require your child to apologize to others if she (or he) publically displays disrespectful behavior to you. (This one really struck me as something that would be effective.  Kids this age hate being embarrassed yet we allow them to embarrass us with their behavior)
• Draw up a contract that specifically details your expectations and the consequences.  Have your child sign it (we did this after reading this article!)
• Consider seeing a qualified counselor to get to the root of the problem if your child demonstrates excessive aggression.

Aren’t these great tips?  I really needed to read this article because sometimes everyday my kids tell me I am so much stricter than their friend’s parents (and I start having mama guilt).  This article served to remind me that I am not responsible for parenting their friends.  I will give account to God one day for parenting Jason, Jared and Matt.  Period.  And, I am doing them no favors by not expecting the respect I deserve.

Especially when the result of not teaching them the value of respecting authority could have eternal consequences.

What do you think?  I would love to hear in the comments or feel free to write a post about this or any other topic applicable to Teens/Tweens and add it to the linky below.

Since Banquet pot pies and other frozen entrees frequently find their way into my deep freezer I was glad to assist in spreading the word about the Banquet Thanks a Million program.  Inside specially marked packages of Banquet foods is the opportunity to win up to $100,000 for your family.  Pretty cool, huh?

So, next time you grab a Banquet meal from the freezer section of your local grocery store, be sure to grab a specially marked package and follow the instructions at the link above to see if you are a winner.

I wrote this review while participating in a blog campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Banquet and received a sample to facilitate my candid review. Mom Central sent me a gift card to thank me for taking the time to participate.

I haven’t participated in Wifey Wednesday in a while but the topic today struck a chord with me.  And you know what happens when a cord is struck?  I write. (and write and edit and write and so on)

…but it does mean that if you’re not happy in your marriage, perhaps we should stop focusing on whether or not he was the right one to marry, and start focusing on how WE can become the right one?

That is the phrase that struck a chord with me in Sheila’s post.  Mike and I got married young.  I was 18 years old, he was 24.  We already had a lot of grown up baggage (he had a son, I had a son and we had one on the way together, we didn’t know Jesus as our personal Savior, etc) to contend with and neither one of us had a grown up in homes that modeled what healthy marriage looked like.

In the early days of our marriage, I sometimes wondered if I had made a mistake.  We were so different.  We handled conflict different, we approached raising children different, we definitely had different approaches when it came to handling money.  Sometimes our differences seemed to etch a chasm between our hearts and prevent us from connecting and communicating.

We had been married a year and a half when I came to know Christ and two years when Mike accepted Jesus into his heart.  I would like to say that knowing God flipped a switch in our relationship and everything was fantabulous from that moment on….but I would be lying.

I can say, however, that as we grew in our faith and in our knowledge of what God intended marriage to be, we began to work on making our marriage better.  We saw a Christian counselor, we I read books, we attended marriage conferences, we sought sound counsel from older couples.

And our marriage evolved.

I went from days of wondering “why did I marry this guy?” to appreciating how God had wired Mike specifically to be my husband (and realizing that not just anyone could handle being married to this gal).  That appreciation has led to a deeper level of intimacy and a respect for my husband that did not exist in the early days of our marriage.

My encouragement to married couples is to seek to recognize the ways that God designed your spouse to complement your personality and needs.  Once you begin to notice the things that make your spouse right for you, it changes the whole dynamic of your relationship.

Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing the man I am meant to be with into my life.  Thank you for helping me see that we complete each other instead of giving up when ever discouraging times came our way.  Thank you for creating someone for me that allows me to be myself, that delights in my successes and is willing to go outside of his comfort zone to grow along side me.  Help us all see your design for marriage and adjust our expectations of our spouse accordingly. ~Amen.

I am reading Beth Moore’s newest book, So Long Insecurity…You’ve been a bad friend to us.

Wow, has God been using this book to touch my heart and thunk (may have just made up another word) on the head about some things. One of them is embracing who I am, who He made me to be rather than being so worried about how others perceive who I am, if I come on too strong, if I talk too much, etc. I am just me.
I re-took the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test because I wanted to know who I am today. I had taken it many times as a young adult (because my grandmother is certified to administer the test) and in college but I know that I have changed and grown over the last ten years.
Here are my results:
Idealist Portrait of the Teacher (ENFJ)

Even more than the other Idealists, Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner’s potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able – effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.

In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.

Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time-and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.

Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people’s skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones.

My thoughts: God has a sense of humor, doesn’t he? The one thing I keep telling Him He picked the wrong girl to do (teach/speak) is the title of my personality profile. Hardy har har, God.

And I was right, my personality has changed…just a bit from when I was younger. I used to be an ENFP. I can totally see how the J (judging) part has become more prominent in my personality, I think molded by experiences and maturity.

So, today I am unwrapping the gift of me. Who God created and molded me to be and being completely okay with it (or on the way to being okay with it )
This post is linked here.

**If you choose to click on the link and purchase Beth Moore’s latest book from Amazon, I would receive a small commission as an Amazon affiliate.**

Every other Sunday I hear…his sometimes deep, sometimes crackling voice tell me about what he has been doing.  I hear animation and excitement when he talks about photography and the future.  His words are articulate and mature, his topics not as much.  I hear regret and resignation when he speaks of the past.  I hear his need to be more independent tempered by his need for structure.  I hear the little boy of yesterday, tugging on my pant legs as this not so little boy says “Mama, did I tell you about xyz?”.  I hear his need for attention and reassurance that he is loved, NO MATTER WHAT.  I hear his tentativeness when he asks how his brothers are doing.

Every other Sunday I smell…that mix of sweat, hair gel, deodorant and toothpaste that only comes from adolescent boys.  It is an odor barely veiled by the extravagant use of cheap cologne.  I smell a boy, trying to be a man…figuring out what attracts others to him and what is offensive.  I smell fabric softener, different from the scent I use at home and it serves as just another reminder that home is where he does not reside.

Every other Sunday I touch…his soft hands, not worn by work or affected by weather.  The hands of an artist.  I touch his sticky hair and put my hand on the small of his back.  I allow myself to squeeze him in, as if I wish I could just envelope him inside me, away from the cares and hurts of the world, during a brief hug.  Sometimes I find my hand cupping his cheek, wanting to count the freckles {or angel kisses} like we used to do when he was little.

Every other Sunday I feel…a compulsion to pretend like the last five years haven’t happened. I feel the desire to take him and run away so that we can be all together as a family again, even though I know that cannot {and should not} be. I feel angry that he did not come to live with us sooner.  I feel protective like a mother bear for her cubs. I feel frustrated that this is how our life has to be.  I feel helpless and sometimes hopeless.

And, then I remember that at least I have every other Sunday to see, to hear, to smell, to touch and to feel what it is to be Jason’s mama.  And I thank God for every other Sunday.