A huge thank you to everyone who entered the competition. It was a really difficult choice for us. Everybody had a unique story to share and if we could have given that spot to everyone we would have.

Hope you’ve all had a fantastic Mother’s Day!!

If you have a child with anaphylaxis, your life is completely turned upside down as you struggle to stay on top of what your child eats and is exposed to.

Mercifully, my child’s severe reaction is to penicillin and not to common foods but imagine what life must be like for mums who have to be constantly vigilant about what food their children are eating or even touching.

If you have a child with allergies, I’ve just reviewed a new resource that might help you work together as a family to deal with the realities of life with allergies.

“Allergies, and Awesome You” is a part of the AmazingAllergist’s Awesome Series that empowers allergic children to live and lead great lives, allergy-free. It is a by-product of the author’s extensive medical knowledge, vast experiences as an allergy specialist, and the desire to make a difference, one allergic child at a time.

The prize includes 2 nights share accommodation (2 women per room) at The Outlook May 25 to 27, a one hour massage, yoga, self-care sessions, a goodie bag, and all food for the weekend plus the support of four facilitators. Please click here for more info about the retreat!

To enter, simply click here (takes you through to our Facebook App).

Competition Rules:

1. Entries open on May 1, 2012 and close May 11, 2012, midnight, AEST.
2. Nominees must be mums or women who are pregnant (mums-to-be).
3. You may nominate yourself or a friend. However, you may not enter more than once (although a friend may nominate you as well). Duplicate entries will be removed.
4. Nominees must be able to attend the retreat May 25 to 27, at The Outlook, Boonah. The prize is not transferable.
5. Luck plays no part in this competition. The winner will be chosen based on merrit, availability to attend the retreat and the judges’ descretion. The judges’ decision is final. No correspondence will be entered into in relation to the judges’ decision.
6. The winner will be announced on Mother’s Day, May 13th, 2012 via the Mumatopia website: http://mumatopia.com.
7. The winner will be notified by phone and email.
8. The prize is: One place at the 25 to 27 May, 2012 Mumatopia Mums’ Retreat at The Outlook, Boonah, Queensland, Australia. Registration includes: 2 nights’ accommodation (sharing a room with one other person), meals for the weekend, yoga, 1 hour  massage, selfcare session, craft sessions and a goodie bag. The prize does not include transport to and from the retreat venue, or optional activities. More information about the retreat can be found here: http://mumatopia.com/mums_retreat/
9. Entrants and nominees must be 18 years or older, and Australian residents at time of entry.
10. The winner must agree to have their name published on the Mumatopia website and in publicity about the competition and the Mumatopia 2012 Mums’ Retreat. The winner’s contact details will not be shared with any third party.
11. The winner must register for the retreat and agree to abide by the retreat terms and conditions noted here: http://mumatopia.com/mums_retreat/mums-retreat-booking-form/.
12. Mumatopia reserves the right to ammend these rules, terms and conditions as we see fit or as the need arises.

Disclaimer: This promotion is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with, Facebook. You are providing your information to Mumatopia and not to Facebook.

Privacy Policy: The information you provide will only be used for the purposes of the Mumatopia Mother’s Day Competition and Mums’ Retreat. You may elect to join the Mumatopia Mailing list. We never share your email with third parties. Please see our Privacy Policy for more information about how we use your information.

I know, I know, sounds a bit extreme doesn’t it! But is it? Really?

How many times have I heard women say, “I want a natural birth but my doctor will only allow [fill in the blank with whatever the doctor wants]?”

I’ve heard it all. And, I understand that mindset better than you think. I’ve been in that place.

It’s that uncomfortable place where you feel like something isn’t right but you’re big, fat and hormonal and struggling to do something different because the known seems a whole lot more secure than the unknown.

Not to mention the investment you make when you first book in with a private obstetrician.

They want you to make a commitment right from the start. That’s fair I suppose, from a business point of view. Even I require a $100 retainer upon booking in.

But, from an ethical point of view, I would struggle charging any more than that just to make a client fit to my needs.

The point of this ramble is this:

If you find, half way through your pregnancy, or even half way through your labor (yes, it can be done!) that your obstetrician is not meeting your needs, you have the power to change the game and discontinue their services, hire someone else or go somewhere else.

I hear a lot of women say that they don’t want to lose their private room after the baby comes or they don’t want a student doing their C-section (assuming they need or want one).

The truth is, care in the public system is no worse than the private system (and in many places it’s a whole lot better) and if you don’t like the postnatal ward after you’ve had your baby, you can take the money you’ve saved on your private doctor and go and book into a nice hotel for a few days, get room service and see your GP for baby-checkups.

You could also hire a private midwife for postnatal care in your own home, right after birth and get money back from Medicare.

So why don’t women make the switch? Why do they persevere with a doctor who isn’t meeting their needs?

At a basic level, women don’t like change in pregnancy. Change is upsetting and stressful and sometimes it seems easier just to stick with the plan. There is also the unpleasantness of dealing with a disgruntled obstetrician who has talked to you like you’re two, yelled at you or coerced you into doing things her way (yes, I do speak from experience).

The thing you’ve got to ask yourself at the end of the day, though, is: If I stick with the plan, will that cause me more distress at the end of this saga?

Putting yourself first in pregnancy and birth is imperative for the safety of you and your baby. It is!

The best environment for you to give birth in is one that you feel safe, secure and unobserved and respected.

Nobody knows what you need except for you.

Ask yourself:

• Is my care plan about meeting my needs or my doctor’s needs?
• Do I feel like I have a say?
• Am I able to access the support I feel I need? (a doula for continuous support, access to natural pain relief and a midwife who understands natural, active birthing).

If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” then you may want to reconsider your options.

So, if you’re feeling brave enough to make the change, how do you do it?

You simply call their rooms and talk to the secretary:

“After giving it some thought and discussing it with my_______ [partner, mother, you get the picture] it is clear to me that Dr___________ and I have very different therapeutic philosophies. I don’t think it would be fair on either of us for the current arrangement to continue. So, I’m going to need to pull out of his/her care. I really need someone who is____________________________. As I was unaware that Dr ______________________ would be unable to meet these needs at the time I booked in, I am asking for a full refund of my booking-in fee so that I can persue a different care arrangement that better meets my needs.”

You can either do this over the phone or in writing.

Have you ever felt pressured to stay with a particular care provider? Have you ever wanted to make a change but felt like it was all too hard?

Gluten and dairy free organic Pumpkin Carrot and Coriander Soup and Carrot, Roasted Pumpkin, Carrot and Zucchini Frittata

Ofcourse, every meal needs to be thoroughly tested in my own kitchen, just to make sure it’s nutritionally balanced and tasty,  so I made the soup for lunch the day before. I am not dairy free so I added some sour cream to the soup and butter to the gluten free bread (Sol breads have an awesome gluten free range).

It didn’t last very long. Five minutes latter it looked like this:

So now that the testing was all complete (such a hard job), I prepared for the next day. My friend had asked me to prepare some freezer meals so I made the soup and frittata for her to store and then I put some salmon fillets in the oven and we sat down to this:

Baked salmon with organic baby spinach, rocket, and sunflower sprouts plus avocado, tomato, and a drizzle of olive oil and garlic dressing.

Now, I don’t normally sit down and eat lunch with my clients but, as it was my birthday and as my friend and I hadn’t seen each other for ages, she invited me to share lunch with her. We spent the rest of the afternoon chatting and enjoying kid-free time. One of the most relaxing birthdays I’ve had in years.

All of these meals were easy to prepare and packed full of vital nutrients. For postnatal mummas, I’d recommend steering clear of dairy. A drizzle of coconut milk in the pumpkin soup would make it creamy if you feel like you need a substitute for dairy.

So, give yourself an afternoon off one day soon and share a nurturing meal with a friend. Food that is lovingly prepared and enjoyed over a slow-paced afternoon with a friend is not just food for your belly, it is food for your soul!

What have you made lately?

That was my day yesterday. I came home feeling shattered, that life was really out of sync and this internal realisation that somehow, someway something’s got to give.

It’s a hard moment, that cross road when you realise something has to change in your family dynamic for the energy to shift. Lately, I’ve noticed how much energy the computers sap from our family dynamic. Some of the games my kids play are educational and inspire creativity but others just seem to inspire aggressive behaviour. And it’s not necessarily the games. I think, sometimes, it’s just the amount we all spend online (me included) that changes our brain chemistry. I’ve been more forgetful lately and less motivated to get to the gym : (.

So, next week, I’m determined to get us all outside and playing somewhere other than in front of the computers. I reckon, initially, it’ll be hard and there may be some frayed nerves (not just mine) but as the weather cools a little, I feel nature pulling me outside. By writing it here, it is my way of being accountable.

As women, I think sometimes we forget to say “yes” to ourselves, to our own needs and desires. Or maybe it’s that there is this expectation that, as mothers, we are duty-bound to put everybody elses’ needs above our own.

How’s your week been? Are you saying “yes” to your own needs?

Book now to secure your place at the May 2012, Mumatopia Mum's Retreat.

Great news! The May Mumatopia Mum’s Retreat has been granted a one-off subsidy by the Queensland Department of Communities in recognition of Mumatopia’s important work with women in our community. As a result we have been able to reduce the earlybird price by almost $100!

Our new earlybird rate is now just $399 $300 and includes accommodation, food, craft activities, selfcare workshop, women’s circles, goodie bags, a movie night, yoga, a one hour massage and the support of 4 caring facilitators!

A massive thank you to Minister for Finance and The Arts, and Member for Ipswich Rachel Nolan for going in to bat on our behalf and to Minister for Communities Karen Struthers who granted our request!

Most mums take family holidays but they don’t really get a break. This retreat is designed to give you the break you need, so you can recharge your batteries, and renew your spirit! Are you ready to commit to one weekend off, just for you?

If you’re ready to join us for an unforgettable weekend of nurturing, pampering, massages, yoga and eating great food, register online for the May retreat today here: http://mumatopia.com/mums_retreat/mums-retreat-booking-form/.

For more information about the retreat click here: http://mumatopia.com/mums_retreat/.

Janette and I look forward to meeting you in May!

For those of you who are not familiar with our family’s story, my son Dan is Autistic. He has significant language difficulties and sensory issues. When people speak to him it creates a lot of anxiety because he has to take a moment or two to figure out what they’ve just said. It’s as if his brain is wired to think that everyone is speaking Chinese to him, when he doesn’t understand Chinese. He also talks a bit like a robot (a cool robot) because it takes him a while to articulate words. He also has many strengths. I have noticed in him a need for connection with others even he is unable to understand the social codes that make that easier and I have also seen great capacity for empathy in him. He loves babies and helps small children in the playground, something my other two tend to turn their nose up at. I have chronicled some of our journey with Dan here: http://www.casmccullough.com/danielwaiting.shtml and here http://www.casmccullough.com/danielroad.shtml.

Anyway, I want to talk about this race because it was one of those moments where, as a mother, my heart broke and beamed all at the same time. He had chosen to do the Little Athletics Carnival despite not being the fastest kid off the block and so, when the Under 9s were called, I walked down with him and talked to the race marshal about making sure Dan understood what to do on the track (One time Dan got confused at the beginning of a race because the guy with the gun stood behind him.  He thought he had to go the other way.). Then I left and watched from the sidelines.

After the first half lap it was clear that Dan was in the back of the pack and by the time he reached the start line again, he was about 200 metres behind everyone else. As everyone else crossed the finish line, Dan was jogging along about 300 metres behind everyone else. My heart sank! The crowd went really quiet as the round of applause for the winners died down but he never gave up. I walked over to the side of the track and yelled out as loudly as I could: “You can do it, Dan!” and started clapping loudly and enthusiastically. Then, all of a sudden, other people started clapping and by the time he crossed the finish line, there was loud applause.

I can not tell you how proud I was of him in that moment. He could have given up and dissolved into tears but instead, despite the fact he was more than half a lap behind everyone else, he kept going until he finished the race and he walked away with an exhausted smile on his face.

I’m not sharing this story to brag about my child’s staying power or even to glorify in the fact that he’s competing with neurotypical kids. I’m sharing this because it showed, that even if only one person is yelling out for you on the sidelines and everyone else thinks you’re ridiculous for trying, you can do whatever you set your heart on.

Akemi and Riana moments after birth

I met Akemi only a week before she gave birth but her birth was one of the most transformative births I have attended as a doula. Here’s her story from my perspective as her doula.

In the wee hours of New Year’s Day, I got the call that Akemi was in labour. So, at 3am I jumped out of bed and drove down to the Gold Coast.

When I arrived Akemi was having regular, mild contractions about 10 minutes apart. So I suggested she get some rest.

Later in the morning we went for a long walk on the beach which helped to bring on stronger rushes. It was also a great opportunity to talk and connect, as I hadn’t had the usual few months to get to know Akemi.

The space between each rush seemed to be getting closer together, so we headed back to the apartment.

After another lie down and massage, we hit the stairs. Stairs are great when you’re on the cusp of active labour. The movement in your hips jiggles the baby and brings on stronger contractions that open up the cervix.

We used a sarong as a rebozo because of the heat that day

Around lunchtime, the intensity picked up and Akemi was needing to concentrate and breathe through the rushes. I did some rebozo work with her as I had a feeling the baby was a little posterior (she was getting a lot of back pain and her belly button was suppressed). The movement helped ease the intensity too.

Within a couple of hours, the rushes were about 3-4 minutes apart, so we talked about when they might like to go in to the hospital and we all agreed that things were moving along a great pace and that it would be okay to go in.

The birth unit was by the ocean with pictures of dolphins and coral reefs on sea green walls.

With the music Akemi had brought with her it was a calm and tranquil setting for her labour.

My hunch about the baby’s position was confirmed by the midwife so we continued to keep Akemi active throughout the labor using the rebozo, dancing, shimmying and various different positions to encourage baby to turn into the optimal position. Akemi’s labor never halted though and she continued to make good progress.

At about 10pm it seemed that Akemi was hitting that transitional stage but she didn’t yet sound pushy. It stayed like that for a while and I wondered if maybe there was a bit of a cervical lip in the way. A bit later, at the midwife’s suggestion, she agreed to a pelvic exam and the midwife said that there was, in fact, a bit of cervix still to get out of the way of the baby’s head. So we laid her on her side to ease the pressure on her cervix (so it could fully dilate without becoming swollen).

About midnight, Akemi was getting a strong urge to push so we moved her around and got her dancing and lunging and using every position under the sun to open up her pelvis to maximum capacity.

The descent of a baby’s head can take time. In Akemi’s case, it was slow going but with each urge to push, her baby’s head moved just that little bit further down. She did have a small issue with her bladder. The baby’s head was in the way so with a little help, that pressure was relieved and we could see more and more of the baby’s head.

Now I need to tell you what was happening in the room at this point. Akemi was on the bed with her legs up around her ears. I know, doesn’t sound like a very appealing position for birth but, in this case, it was what she needed. Her baby was still posterior and on rare occasions with a posterior presentation this beetle position works really well. She was definitely making better progress this way than she was in other positions.

Meanwhile, the obstetric registrar had waltzed in and demanded that something had to be done to get the baby out because Akemi had been pushing for a long time (2 hours by that time). The registrar, a woman, said she would have to do an episiotomy (didn’t ask, just stated it as fact) saying to Akemi “You’re definitely going to tear.” Then she kept going on and on about how Akemi’s last doctor has done a caesarean section because Akemi was too small to give birth and that she may need to push the baby back up the birth canal and do a caesarean section.

Now, Akemi is Japanese and by this stage in labour her brain had completely shut down to English, so, fortunately for her, she didn’t understand much of what the registrar was saying. I loved it when her husband, Craig, would talk to her in Japanese in between the registrar’s rantings. I had no idea what he was saying. He could well have been saying: “this stupid woman wants to cut you again. I’ll just tell her where to go,” or he could have been saying “You’re doing great honey. I’ll get you a cup of tea when this is all over.” In any case, after each translation, he turned to the registrar, smiled and said “no thank you, not now.”

At one point, Akemi, who had not complained once during her entire labour, looked at me and said, “Can you still see my baby’s head?” I smiled and said, “Yes, of course, She’s right there. She’s not going back in. I still believe you can do this Akemi.” The change on her face showed steely resolve. It was like she’d gotten the second (third, fourth, fifth) wind she needed to birth her baby.

The registrar, thinking that either an assisted birth or caesarean section was going to happen, had called in her obstetric consultant (her boss) and was still talking over Akemi like she was a foolish child when the consultant walked in. The consultant, a lovely, warm woman with a beautiful Indian lilt to her voice, took one look and saw what we all saw, the baby’s head crowning. She said “Oh, you’re gonna push that baby out” and within two pushes, at about 2am January 2^nd, little Riana joined her mother earthside.

The registrar was mercifully speechless.

A tired but happy crew after the birth of Riana! In this photo: Akemi's daughter Mia, Akemi, Riana and me!

Akemi’s experience was transformative for her but also for me as a doula. I never doubted she could give birth normally but what struck me was that, during her long labor and long second stage, she never doubted it either. Most women who come to me for support with a vaginal birth after caesarean section (VBAC) spend a lot of time and energy doubting themselves and overcoming the negativity that is thrown their way during pregnancy and birth. Most of these women need a massive dose of confidence. Once women believe in themselves, they birth easily, even if the birth is not straightforward, even if they are the size of my 12 year old with a 6ft tall partner. Akemi is testament to that.

Recent research by the Queensland Centre for Mother’s and Babies shows that most women have a caesarean section because they’ve been advised to by their doctor. The research also shows that only around half of the women having planned caesarean sections are fully informed before agreeing to the procedure. In Akemi’s case this was certainly true. She had her first caesarean because her doctor had told her she had to (because she was very small and her husband very tall). After that, she’d had trouble with breastfeeding and starting researching and reading about birth. That lead her to question the reason for her initial caesarean section and she choose to have a VBAC for her second baby.

I’d like to thank Akemi and Craig for allowing me to share their story from my perspective. I visited them last week and all are doing well.

ps: Catch the radio interview I did on this issue last week on ABC AM (Radio National) here: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-01-19/queensland-mums-uninformed-about-caesareans/3781916

So, you can imagine my joy at finding The Ultimate Parenting Course. Now, before I say anything else, I will say that I have become an affiliate of this course. Here’s why. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am quite passionate about parenting and will quickly tell you when I think a parenting resource is unhelpful, which many of them are.

What I love about this course, other than the incredible content and the calibre of the contributors is that it is easy. There are no huge books filled with lots of boring, hard to understand or flowery text. Simply download the videos and make notes in the workbook which accompanies each video so you can easily retain and apply the wisdom from each session. The course runs over four weeks and you can view each video in your own time, when it suits you, from the comfort of your own home.

Content

There are eight essential  themes in the Ultimate Parenting Course:

1. Identity
2. Co-parenting
3. Attachment
4. Individuation
5. sleep
6. Feeding your children
7. Conflit and
8. Community

Description from the Ultimate Parenting Course website: “Each theme contains a video (about 30 minutes each, so not too long) with a compilation of interviews from parenting experts answering questions pertaining to the theme, giving you solutions and a context for the challenges you face. The Ultimate Parenting Course Handbook contains written contributions from additional experts, plus bullet points and action exercises based on the interviews to help you integrate the material.”

The content in this course is in alignment with current research on the harmful effects of outdated parenting solutions often talked about in the mainstream media. After working with this course you will feel validated and empowered to parent in a way that resonates with you.

Having learned the hard way about why it’s important to parent with connection and empathy, I highly recommend this book as a resource for all soon-to-be and new parents as well as parents who have been on the journey for a while and need some encouragement and new insights to guide their parenting. Find out more about this fabulous resource here!