Mum on a Mission

Flying with kids: are we having fun yet?

2012-08-14T05:53:00.002-07:00

Over the weekend I was at a dinner party with a group of really good friends where we were the only couple with kids. While they all seem to like our boys and have some crazy idea they are sweet angels - somehow the conversation turned and I ended up on that rant again - you know the one about flying with kids.

You know the refrain - how dare there be a crying baby on my flight? I paid (or my work paid) for business class - surely I shouldn't have to share my cabin with children? It went on. And it got up my nose.

As anyone with kids knows, flying with kids is stressful. We stress before we even leave home. Flights (especially long ones) usually come at a time when everyone is sick or really tired or you have stayed up late at a dinner party, leaving packing until the early hours in a wine-induced haze.

Have we packed enough - or too much? Do we have enough to eat? We worry about kids running off at airports (having to let them go to walk through the scanner is a favourite) and we dread the juggle of bags and strollers and children through the security gate.

We hope we'll be able to get on board quickly and set ourselves up without holding everyone up. We hope the plane will take off on time, ears will be calmed by milk or lollipops (sugar free if we can get them) and that there will be no turbulence. We hope we have charged phones and tablets and there are enough distractions and snacks. We hope we can get off the plane with every toy (one minor fail so far) and with no accidents.

If its a long flight, we cross our fingers that our careful timing of the flight to include time to run in the airport, followed by a quick change into PJ's and sleeping bag on the flight will mean peace for everyone.

For me flying used to be about hours of time to read, have a few drinks and watch a movie - with nothing else to do except nap. Except now, drinks are limited to a single G&T to calm frazzled nerves, dinner is eaten quickly, while a movie is perhaps the only reminder of travels past. Sleep is not an option, just in case one of the boys wakes up - or as happened to a friend once - the child slips off onto the floor - or into the aisle.

And before you suggest that families should just stay home until children are old enough to "behave" on a flight - think about it. Families fly for a whole range of reasons - travel, work, visiting families. That family with the screaming child could be travelling for medical treatment - or perhaps a funeral of a loved one. I like to think that my boys are learning good manners and appreciate the need to respect other people when travelling.

And if there is no sympathy after all that, well, let's just say there are people I don't want to fly with either. They smell (not enough deodorant or too much perfume), they drink too much, they talk loudly and annoy their neighbours. They turn their music up and fall asleep on the shoulder of strangers. The only difference - they are old enough to know better.

So we'll continue to travel and plan with the precision of a well timed military operation. We'll do our best to make sure we all have a great flight. In return, have a drink or a nap for us!

Time to JFDI with this blog

2012-07-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

At various times over the past 18 months I have had grand plans for this blog. I often have great ideas and I can compose great pieces while in the shower, meetings or while exercising - but I seem to have problems putting pen to paper, or more accurately, fingers to keyboard.

Before starting the 12 Week Body Transformation (12WBT) with Michelle Bridges (www.12wbt.com), I used to make excuses about eating well and exercise - no time, too tired, too much good food in Vietnam, work is too busy, visitors in town etc (2 whole A4 pages in fact). But in probably the most valuable of her pre-season mindset tasks, I have learnt to deal with these (and the new excuses I created as I got closer close to my goal weight).

So, now I need to apply the same attitude to this blog and stop making excuses. Of course time is also a factor as is the fact I'm not confident about my writing. I'm no prize winning author and definitely no comedic genius - but I'm not going to improve without some practice. I have probably also become a little too used to writing in 140 character blocks - thanks Twitter! The other Michelle Bridges "ism" is JFDI - Just Freaking (or the swear word version) Do It! And so, I'm going to use my lunch breaks or that twilight hour between dinner and bed where I waste my time and just write.

I'm not expecting every post will interest everyone. But I've just spent two weeks travelling with the family in Vietnam, so I'm hoping a few travelogue posts (Hoi An, Hue and Phu Quoc) plus some observations about balancing tourism and relaxing on holidays and the joy (ahem!) of travelling with two toddlers, will be of interest. And hopefully some practice on these posts will make for a great post after our trip to Luang Prabang next month.

On the 12WBT front, I continue to grapple with the mindset needed to continue training (often without a specific goal) and continue to eat well (and drink less).

I also have a kindle now, which I am taking everywhere with me in the hope I actually start reading more - so who knows, a book review or two.

With birthday parties for two little boys on the horizon, I may well blog about my party planning and cake decorating adventures. And while we're on the subject of little people, these two little people are growing up so quickly - and presenting Mum & Dad with a constant source of amusement and angst!

As works picks up again after the long (and hot) Hanoi summer, I might just need to reflect on the challenges of balancing work, family and me time - which is obviously a whole lot easier in our current situation.

So humour me dear reader, I'm going to try and give this writing thing a proper crack - and maybe you'll enjoy reading them as much as I (hopefully) enjoy writing them.

A few things I love about Hanoi

2012-06-07T07:03:00.005-07:00

Ok, so it is a cheesy title but this post has come about from reading some amazing gratitude posts and because I realised that I was becoming so caught up in work and day to day life that I was forgetting where I was living - and failing to make the most of being here.

It's a bit of a stream of consciousness posting, and finally more about pictures than words. Its a snapshot for others of Hanoi but also a reminder to myself to not let the last half of my posting slip by. It might show me up as a superficial expat because there will be loads I miss. So I welcome comments and things I should add. And then hopefully, this will be a reminder to get out and find more things to add to the list for myself.

So, a few things I love about Hanoi – in no particular order:

Great local cuisine – especially (and somewhat boringly) – Pho, Cha Ca, Bun Cha, Banh Tom Ho Tay, Bun Rieu, Café Sua Da, beer, Fanny’s ice cream – at super cheap prices.

Bun Cha - grilled pork in a tangy soup, noodles and fresh herbs

Markets full of fresh fruit, vegetables, meat, seafood and flowers

Great drinks! From drop filtered coffee (hot and cold), to amazing juices, fresh coconuts and fresh beer - you'll never be thirsty in this town. And while the local wine has a long way to go, I am becoming used to downing (tram fen tram - 100 percent) the obligatory thimblefuls of white spirit - especially out in the provinces.

The people - from the older generation up early exercising together, dancing in the park, swimming in the lake before spending the day looking after grandkids, to the young families, enthusiastic young people, entrepreneurs. I love the young couples, posing all around the city to have photos, and I especially love the day long wedding shoots, where a busy bit of road is transformed into a Parisian Boulevard. I love the can do attitude that is often evident - whether it be people setting up a business in the downstairs room of their house, to our landlord or a handyman who will have a go at fixing a problem. There is so much energy in this city - except perhaps at lunchtime in summer, when its time to kick back for a drink or even a snooze.

I love the chaos. I might moan about it, I might get frustrated by it when I'm stuck in traffic or trying to work out how things work - but at the end of the day, I can't help but be fascinated every time i sit long enough to watch the world - and especially the traffic, go by.

Intersection at the top of Hoan Kiem lake - love watching it, hate crossing

I love the fact that Hanoi still has an old quarter that is real. Where people still live - even if they are all aspiring to something more comfortable and spacious. I love the fact that its not all gleaming sky scrapers and fancy freeways. Sure crowded footpaths aren't great for pushing a pram, but I'll take that living on the street over a sterile big city any day.

And related to that is the architecture. I love all the old buildings, from the French built government offices and villas to pagodas and the skinny houses that are constantly under renovation.

The Presidential Palace

I love that this is a city of lake and even more, I love that I can now walk to West Lake from my house. I love that just as I have learnt to run, I have found a fabulous spot to run. And more importantly, that I can get up in the morning, and join the locals in making the most of this special spot. As the weather warms up, even at 5.30 in the morning, its crowded with people walking, riding bikes, swimming, fishing and just hanging out. Best of all, as summer arrived, so to did the lotus blooms. In the space of the week, this often murky lake was transformed by huge lotus leaves and beautiful pink flowers.

There is lots more to Hanoi itself. But for us, there is alot that we appreciate about being here. The chance to send our toddler sons to an international school where they are making friends from all over the world, learning about different places and experiencing Vietnamese culture. The fact that we can visit so many places in both Vietnam and in Asia. I love that I have the opportunity to contribute to a bilateral relationship between Australia and Vietnam that has so much potential. And I love the fact that we are living in a place that attracts so many visitors. Its often only through our visitors that we have a chance to sit back and reflect and realise what a great place this is and how lucky we are to live here - even if it is only for a few years!

Scaredy cat has left the building

2012-05-27T07:30:00.001-07:00

Perhaps I was always a timid child but watching Mum freeze crossing a rickety wooden bridge over a polluted river in China (and then doing the same myself) might be the clue to who started it. But my sister reminded me there is a statute of limitations on these things, so we'll just move on!

At school I wasn't very coordinated, so I was always afraid of being hit by a ball. I was scared about my loved ones. I have vivid memories of being so worried at a family lunch when my Poppy accepted the offer to go horse riding and being convinced that Dad's summer holiday project to paint the house would result in him falling off the ladder.

Physical activities might have been scary but I jumped at travel opportunities, including a year in Denmark as a Rotary exchange student after school. Perhaps I let fear get the better of me on occasions - like never learning to ride a bike - but I am relieved that I was able to have fun on my overseas travels - and live to tell the tale.

In my late 20s and 30s during my first overseas posting, thanks to friendly peer group pressure, I discovered skiing and diving. My lack of balance and coordination (perceived or real) and my fear of hurtling down the mountain, plus a fear of dismounting from the chairlift have probably limited my skiing success. But its an event with friends and family and so I persevere. Having lost weight and found fitness, I look forward to my next ski trip and I may even take my husband's advice and let some speed propel me down the mountain. Something I have realised might help my bike riding.

Diving was also a bit scary, but the instruction from a well qualified instructor and a good friend (an emergency doctor) as my dive partner and the distraction of the amazing underwater scenery off the coast of Philippines hmade this an amazing experience.

However, these new adventures weren't able to conquer all fears, so while helping a friend with her 7 year old son's birthday party, I had to endure the (very loud) taunts of scaredy cat when I refused to join them in the "Freefall" exhibit at Questacon.

So by now, it is probably fairly obvious I'm not really up for physical adventures. And yet, in the last few weeks, I ran my first 10 kilometre race and then last weekend, on a girls weekend away, I went kayaking and rock climbing. I had talked myself into both activities and bragged to so many I would do so really, I had no choice. An enthusiastic instructor and some peer group pressure helped. Kayaking was way more fun that I expected and my only real fear was tipping the kayak and losing my new phone, which I'd insisted on bringing to take the - "see I did it" photo!

View on Halong Bay from our kayak

Rock climbing was still scary. Perhaps it was the height or the fear of falling (although the safety standards and instructors were awesome) or maybe freezing and being too scared to come down. Watching one of my friends, I think I was scared how long she was up there and that I'd just be exhausted but our guide found us a smaller, kinder route and continued to tell us it was just like climbing a ladder. I slipped on my 1st step but by then, there was no going back, and thanks to some encouragment, and a new more determined mindset, I climbed a about 10-5 metres - almost to the top of the route. There were a few times where I thought it was too hard, and a few times when I didn't think I could make it to the next step, but I did it. I probably could have climbed another meter, but I've also realised that there really wasn't anything to prove. I'd had a go, done a pretty good job and coming down (which was way more fun than I expected) while I was still smiling wasn't a bad idea.

Rock climbing - just like climbing a ladder!

I'm probably not going to rock climb for fun but if a group activity arose I'd probably have another go. Kayaking is something I'd consider - and while a leisurely paddle in a twin kayak isn't the same, I think I'll look at something like dragon boat racing or rowing as a fun activity back in Australia.

Realising that I can push myself that bit extra, together with some new found confidence and competitive spirit has also helped me set the goal of running a half marathon before the end of the year.

More importantly, I'm hoping that as the mother of 2 very active boys, I hope can set a good example for them to enjoy sport and outdoor activities. I want to be able to lead by example when it comes to the balance between adventure and stupidity - and hopefully, when they start playing sport, Mummy will actually watch instead of hiding behind her hands or the weekend paper!

Did it, doing it and there is no going back!

2012-05-12T03:22:00.000-07:00

So I ran in my first ever fun run. 10 km in the Borneo Marathon which was my goal at the beginning of my second round of Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation (12wbt). For an almost 38 year old who always hated running and was teased about her running style at school - this was a big achievement. Last August I couldn't run for more than about 3-4 minutes, my first 1 km fitness test took over 7.5 minutes and included some walking. But after two rounds of 12wbt, including this last round doing the 10 km training program I ran my last 1 km fitness test in 4:52 and had done two 10km practice runs before Borneo.

The week before the race, I ran 10km on Saturday morning and then we headed off to Malaysia, four days in KL with old friends and then six nights in Kota Kinabalu to meet up with Team Brunei and run the race the following Sunday. I decided that Saturday would be my last weigh-in for the round and then really relaxed what I was eating. But the difference now is that if I am going to have a calorie blow-out and need to do some extra exercise, it better be worth it. KL is of course food heaven and we ate amazing Indian, Malay and Chinese (finally I have been to Din Tai Fung). I took the whole concept of tapering off fairly seriously, with lots of walking at the shops and only a 20 minute run on the treadmill mid week.

In KK, meeting up with Pippa (one of the original "Brunei 4" who started 12wbt last year when I did) and her family, I found a kindred spirit. Someone who knew how to relax, eat and drink - but train hard when the time came. It was thanks to the encouragement of Pippa, Helen and others from Brunei that I had even signed up to run. But before the race there were days by the pool, a boat trip and a birthday dinner for her Mum Sandy to enjoy.

Race day started with a 4.15 wake-up, although at this stage the marathon runners had already been going close to 2 hours! An invitation to join Clare, Caroline and Helen to catch a 5am taxi was a far better option than the 4.25 bus! Meeting up with the others doing 10km, we had a long wait before our start at 6.15. I'd mucked around with my HRM so it wasn't working so I just had to run and hope that I was keeping a good pace. Not having run a race before, it was hard to know whether those in front were genuinely fast or were going to collapse in the next kilometre. My one criticism of the race was there were few markers - it was only that I'd read the drinks stop was at 3km and of course when we turned around at 5km I could gauge how I was going. Halfway and I knew I probably wouldn't go under one hour but 31.5 minutes was still faster than usual. The last part of the race seemed to go for ages and then I was running into the stadium for half a lap round the track to the finish line. It was a strange feeling and something I never thought I would do, let alone enjoy. Helen was there at the finish line to capture the moment and I was handed a medal. My watch said 1:03 which was about 4 minutes faster than any run I'd done before. It was great standing around with a group of people who were all feeling really proud of their achievements. Pippa had come second in the half marathon and later discovered that based on her official time, she was actually faster than the winner. Guess who'll be up at the front next time?A fabulous Japanese brunch and lots of champagne - our own "South-East Asia 12wbt Finale" - was a great end to the day.

In the end I came in 26th out of the 775 in my 10km open women's race. Not bad for a first attempt but reflecting on the race in the days since, I can't help but feel that I could have pushed a bit harder. I thought I'd finish feeling exhausted but I barely hurt the next day. I also thought I might think I'd never do it again, but almost a week later, I'm starting to plan another run - probably Angkor Wat in December - and trying to decide between aiming for a faster 10km time or a half-marathon. Despite not wanting to run in the heat of Hanoi's summer, I'm thinking of joining the running club to really improve both my running technique and race tactics.

And now I've signed up for another round of 12wbt. I'm doing the pre-season tasks with honesty and integrity and am really excited about doing to the lean & strong program which will focus on toning the wobbles and building my strength. The more I talk to people, the more I realise than good runners need a really strong core and butt! Setting up a small gym upstairs in the aircon is also a better option in the Hanoi heat & humidity. I finally got back into exercise on Thursday morning and couldn't believe how steamy it was at 6am. But more surprising is the fact I can now run 5km and enjoy it!

So while this round my training focus will change a bit, the reality is I still want to train 5 and preferably 6 times a week. I want to continue to eat well, although I'm not perfect and occasionally there will be too much wine, a sneaky G&T or a treat from one of the wonderful bakeries here. The difference as I said before, is that I know that one night or even a whole weekend or week's holiday of indulgence is not the end of the world. I get on the scales, I own the small gain and I refocus on my training.

But this bit is hard to convey to people. And brings me to the final bit of my post. While I loved the compliments at the beginning, people seem to think I'm still losing lots of weight, where in reality I fluctuate by about 1-1.5 kilos each week and still have about 2 kilos to lose. i am tired of being told I'm fading away and being asked when I'm going to stop. I have to firmly but kindly tell people that sure, I don't really have any more wight to lose and I'm happy with my size, but I'm not stopping. This isn't a fad diet but rather a lifestyle change. I'm not saying I'll always get it right but my aim and my intention is to keep up my training, setting new goals a couple of times a year, competing in different races, trying new sports and eating well. I am sure that some people have my best interests at heart and i can assure them I don't want to be too skinny. However, I can't help but think that for most people, while I continue to train and eat well, I make them feel guilty about their own excuses for not exercising or not being as healthy as they could be. My article for the Embassy newsletter came out this week, which was the basis of my first (and until now - only) blog post. I hope it encourages others to eat well and to exercise but my tolerance for people's excuses these days is limited. What I have learnt from this experience is there is a big difference between supporting people and them actually taking responsibility for their own actions. So I'll just keep doing what I do, knowing that it's not only good for me but it's also good fun and very rewarding.

(Thanks to Helen McGuire for the photo).

Finally - a post! Getting fit & healthy overseas IS possible

2012-04-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

We all know that postings and weight gain go hand in hand? It’s a three year excuse to over-indulge in food and booze and not do any exercise? Right? Wrong!

If you had told me 12 months ago I would be a size 10 and that I would be travelling to another country to run a 10km race, I would have thought you were crazy. But 6 months into my posting and juggling full time work and family, I knew I needed more than a weekly yoga session. Some photos from our family holiday to Thailand confirmed it.

Reading an article about Michelle Bridges (the trainer from the Australian Biggest Loser TV show) and the popularity of her online 12 week body transformation (www.12wbt.com) program was all it took. Cliqued as it is, all I had to lose was about 23 kilos. $200 for 12 weeks of exercise,menu plans and recipes, videos, supportive forums and loads of other resources seemed like a bargain.

Of course cynics might suggest this is just another weight loss program, but having lost 14 kilos before on Weightwatchers and following various other fad diets (South Beach, Liver Cleansing etc) I feel I have enough experience to say why this is different. Having had others join up after seeing my results – and then seeing them achieve their own success further confirms for me that this is a great program.

12wbt is different because it’s more than just 12 weeks of exercise and menu plans. In the weeks leading up to the 12 weeks proper – “the pre-season” – there are 8 tasks that set you up to make some positive changes in how you eat, exercise and live. Some of these are simple – go out and buy workout gear, set-out your gym program or clean out the cupboard and get rid of junk food etc. But the tasks that stick out for me are those focused changing how you look at health and fitness – examining the excuses we make (to not exercise, to eat too much of the wrong food, for our slip-ups), setting goals, committing to those goals out loud and then planning ahead.

In my case, the excuses were – and still are – the key for me. The task involved writing all the excuses I had for eating badly or not exercising (I had 2 pages) and then coming up with solutions. I am sure many of these will be familiar so I’ve included some of them below. I have some new excuses that have emerged now that I’ve lost weight and that I focus on to ensure I don’t slip back into old habits.

The next most important thing was telling the world this was what I was doing – when I met people, on Facebook, on Twitter, on the 12wbt forums. Suddenly I had this massive support crew who I felt accountable to. It was especially great to know there were other expats doing this, struggling with matching the menu plans to local groceries, eating out and travelling. There were young mums and dads and some really inspiring older people. There were also a few people who had achieved amazing results, sharing their stories and support. A message from any of these people or a tweet from Mish herself was proof that I was on my way to accomplishing my goals. Posting on Facebook or sending a tweet after a great weigh-in or completing an exercise milestone is still a huge buzz.

A big change for me was realising that I would have to get up and exercise in the morning, just like the rest of Hanoi. Getting up at 5.30 most mornings to exercise now seems normal. In the beginning I just did Mish’s DVDs inside during the summer heat and learnt to run using the Couch to 5km running program (you can download to iPhone/iPod) around the Temple of Literature. There are also options to do gym classes, gym machines or outdoor programs (which can be modified for inside too). A fitness test at the start guides you to the beginner, intermediate or advanced program and the fitness test is repeated at regular intervals (together with weigh-ins and measurements) to track progress.

This round there are running programs (10km and half marathon) and I’m now running 10k in just over an hour. Next month I am joining some of the girls in Brunei that I have met online through the program to run my first ever race – 10km in the Borneo Marathon in Kota Kinabalu. I’m now seriously considering a half marathon – perhaps Angkor Wat in December? For the kid that was always teased about her running and couldn’t run for 5 minutes last year, this is a huge achievement.

8 months on, 2 rounds (almost) done and I’ve lost 22 kilos. I’ve gone from size 16 to 10 and can buy clothes off the rack in Hanoi. I still enjoy the expat life of travel, eating out and a drink or three. I only have a couple of kilos left to lose, and know how much I should be eating, but I still have days where I track my calories and really watch what I eat. The reality is, I can’t stuff myself like before and I don’t want to. On the other hand, I’m not missing out on the great food on offer, and I’ll rarely say no to a drink. Fortunately in Hanoi, we’re not constantly tempted by fast food and the chocolate bar aisles at the service station or supermarket – although as many find, it is easy to be tempted but the novelty of “different” snacks and sweets from around the globe, especially in those early months and it can be dangerous.

When the menus and exercise plans are released each Thursday, I spend about 45 minutes working through my diary to plan the menu and the meals I’m eating out. Not only have I lost weight, but I’ve saved Simon and our housekeeper having to decide what to eat each night!

Finally, here are a few other lessons I have learnt. Motivation is a crock – like a bad boyfriend, it’s never there when you need it. The key is consistency – making exercise and healthy eating a part of your life. There is a difference between a treat meal and a treat weekend or week – and one binge or gain doesn’t mean giving in. When all else fails JFDI – Just Freaking Do It! There is so much support out there but only you can decide to make the change and only you can do the work. It is hard work and there is no magic bullet or secret. But as I have found, once you commit to getting healthy and start doing the work, there’s a huge group of people out there cheering you on!

Sound familiar? My old excuses – and some solutions

Internal Excuses: The self talk that goes on between the Jekyll & Hyde in your head.

I’m too tired – maybe because I’m carrying all that extra weight?

I’m not motivated – I hate how I look, I have no decent clothes that fit, feel rubbish, and can’t keep up with boys. What more motivation do I need? A heart attack?

It’s too hard – probably, but nothing good was every achieved without hard work

I’ll miss out on time with the boys – will miss more if I can’t play or get sick

I’ll miss out on yummy food and wine – there is very little out there I am only going to get the chance to try once. Go without, have a smaller portion or train harder.

I deserve to eat because I’ve had a crap day –find other rewards, things to cheer me up

External Excuses within your control: These are excuses prompted by external factors but which you still have some control over

It’s too hot/cold/polluted – there is always inside, air conditioning or heating

I’m too busy – plan my day better, set boundaries, get up earlier (go to bed earlier) and compared to lots of other people we can organise a lot of help while on posting

Someone else does the cooking – show cook what I want to eat, use the menu plans and perhaps adapt some of her recipes to fit and teach her others.

I eat out a lot for work – not every day or every meal – just need to work around it

We have visitors –not every day and I know in advance, so just need to plan a bit better. And maybe just 1 scoop instead of 3 when we introduce Fanny’s ice cream!

External excuses outside of your control: These are external factors that you have absolutely no control over, real emergencies.

Work crisis –we can’t be in crisis indefinitely. Just need to plan my training and during the busy periods really watch what I eat, break training into small periods and accept that the losses might be smaller – but not an excuse to give up.