Learning Curve

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

2010-11-27T09:10:00.003Z

As I write this I am sat at work, it is 10.30pm.

I am listening to a man test the PA system in the museum.

He is counting.

He just got to 47 then decided to start again, I wonder why, maybe he is afraid of 48, maybe it's his next birthday.

I was born in January, a truly pitiful time of year. Next year however I say farewell to winter depression, hello Summertime celebration.

Yes I moved my birthday, now I won't get older until July which reduces my real age by 6 months (not the reason I did it but a nice bonus).

In reality someone I love died the day before my birthday and it just made the whole thing a little too sad.

Most friends still think I'm joking, others feel I'm an imposter (they have real summer birthdays and treat me like I don't belong).

Some other January birthday folk are a bit jealous and want to join me but don't want to appear insane....

Message to them: Come on in, the waters warm!

Today's happiness: Talking about getting a siamese kitten.

So what DID you do at the weekend?

2009-12-22T14:26:00.003Z

Someone asked me what the highlight of my year was earlier.

My brain went blank, like when someone asks you on a Monday what you did over the weekend, and you're like 'crap, it was only one sleep ago....'

So I had a think.

Top of the list will be my trip to Cambodia, closely followed by my trip to the BAFTA's, then there was starting a new job, discovering Phoenix, making some new friends, facing my 2 biggest fears (and surviving) and finally staying up til 5am in Austria with some northern lads.

Happy memories.

There were some low points too - saying goodbye to my last house mate, not going to the US for the first time in 4 years, losing a relative and oh yeah....that new job...

So roll on 2010, roll on being 35, roll on the opening of my new exhibition, roll on getting a new job in the summer, roll on trip to New York, roll on deoderant.

Today's Happiness - Having a fully stocked fridge. Let the noms begin.

Are you a Sabbatarian?

2009-08-31T09:30:00.006+01:00

I heard the inspirational Rob Bell talking about the Sabbath yesterday and how to keep it.

Sundays to me are in no way a Sabbath, with the many church activities people get involved in it's often the busiest day of the weekend.

So here are some things which might help make a new Sabbath somewhere in your week, 2 are stops, 2 are starts, to me No.4 is the most important if you can't manage the rest:

Turn off your mobile, don't pick up messages or return calls. I guess the same goes for texts, email, Twitter, Facebook etc. Does this make you feel like a nobody?
Think of the one thing that you 'couldn't live without' and drop it. Or at least attempt to. For some people this will be covered in point no.1. For some this may be television, computer games, alcohol.
Try and find God in the ordinary. Rob's challenge was that if you don't find God in the ordinary you ain't gonna find him in the mountain top experience.
Do something that makes you feel alive. My thinking is that when we do these things we begin to worship God with everything we have. For me these activities would include getting out in nature (twitching), watching the sunset, playing the guitar, writing....
When I do things I really love my heart literally feels like it will explode from my chest.

Today is bank holiday Monday and is my first proper Sabbath, long may it continue.

P.S. - Today's happiness ... starting a new book which feels like it was written for me.

I-SPY with my curly eye

2009-05-12T23:19:00.003+01:00

A few weeks ago I received this in the post:

At first I thought it had been delivered to me by mistake but then I discovered that Big Chief I-SPY had sent it to me.....and so my I-SPY game began.

I have a few points already thanks to my recent building project in Cambodia and a cement mixer parked outside my flat.

In my family we always start the I-SPY game off by saying "I spy with my curly eye".

This silliness originates from a game of 'Guess Who' I was playing with my siblings many years ago. The game is a process of elimination, 'Does your person have glasses?' etc.

My little brother got a bit confused and asked 'Does he have a curly eye?'

Aw, bless.

Today's Happiness: Finally writing those thank you cards.

£180,000 in debt

2009-04-30T11:35:00.004+01:00

You gotta love him, a great combination of Down the Line and Robert Popper - aka 'Rose'.

Today's Happiness - My sister getting a second viewing on her house - fingers crossed.

Things I have learnt

2009-04-07T12:39:00.004+01:00

I'm just back from my trip to Cambodia. Here are some thing I didn't know previously but do now.

1. It takes the average Jo 4 days to become absolutely sick of eating boiled rice.

2. Boiled eggs are not always what they seem.

3. Cambodians don't kiss on the lips, only the cheek.

Ok, these are silly but I'll do a proper post of the trip on the travel blog when I get around to it...

Today's happiness: Planning fun things to do for the Easter weekend.

40 days and 40 nights

2009-02-25T09:43:00.003Z

Lent has begun. And I didn't even get any pancakes yet.

The Christian celebration of Lent marks Jesus' 40 days in the desert being tempted by Satan. It is a time when we do a number of things, give something up, take something up and spend the time you would have spent on the thing you gave up with God. Ok, everyone does it differently but this is the general idea.

Truth be told I know I should give up TV but I've just started season 1 of The Wire.

Today's Happiness: making 2 new friends on the train.

Comfort Zone - Part 2

2009-02-19T23:42:00.003Z

Here's a subject so far out of my comfort zone I don't even like talking about it as it makes me feel ill.

P*bl*c Sp*@king.

This is a theraputic post.

I know I'm not alone in this but I also know I suffer worse than anyone else I know, except maybe one person who shall remain nameless.

P.S. (Public Speaking) = feeling sick from the moment I think I may have to do it to the day after I've done it.

P.S. = Wanting to quit my job or take a pill that puts me to sleep forever so I never have to face tomorrow.

Last week I did some P.S.ing. It felt unavoidable. I think God is clever about how he moves us though our fears. I was given the option of doing a talk about my trip to Cambodia with the hope of raising money for the project. Basically I would have felt ashamed if I had not taken the opportunity because I was a scaredy pants.

So I did it, there were about 100 people, I hated every minute of it and sounded like a strangled cat. BUT I raised plenty of money and awareness for the cause - worthy of the stress I thought.

Today I get an email from someone who mentioned they have booked me in for 2 more sessions! Oh my goodness. So now I'm back to square one again...and I said yes because let's face it, life's too short and maybe it won't be so bad next time.

Green Wing

2009-02-19T15:03:00.004Z

Green Wing is now probably my favourite TV show of all time ever. Here are 2 of my favourite clips:

Todays happiness: A peanut butter and banana baguette at lunchtime.

In God Wii trust

2009-02-18T22:26:00.002Z

I was playing on a friends Wii last week when I remembered how someone had created a version of Guitar Hero for Christians. This set us off making a list of Christian/Biblical games for the Wii.
Here's some of them:

Feeding the 5000 - where you have to throw loaves and fishes at open mouths in a crowd.
Moses - you have to part the reeds of the red sea as you run from the Egyptians.
Walking on water - you'd have to use the balance thing for that.
Woman at the well - drawing buckets of water for a thirsty Jesus.

Today's happiness - missing my stop on the train because my book was so good.

Comfort zone - Part 1

2009-02-18T16:06:00.003Z

This year I am moving out of my comfort zone, some of it is unavoidable, some my own choice.
It leaves me with a constant feeling of un-ease. I hope I don't get a stomach ulcer.

So I thought I should write about one of the comfort zone departions - my trip to Cambodia.

In a matter of weeks I shall be heading to Phnom Penh to take part in a building project in a small village. I'll be working with a group of volunteers helping to improve the facilities of a school to enable the support of children with disabilities who usually would receive no education.

Questions I have:
Why am I doing this?
Will I come back alive?
Will I want to come back?
Will the mosquitos eat me alive?
Will sharing a room for 2 weeks kill me?
Why do my questions keep getting longer?

Freecycle it

2009-01-27T11:46:00.002Z

I heart Freecycle.

It’s great...in theory.

In reality I have never given or received anything on it but the email listings keep me entertained if nothing else and who knows, one day that Hello Kitty electric guitar I want so much may just appear.

So here are my favourite latest offered items from freecyle (saving the best for last):

10. Sachet of Ovaltine drinking chocolate.

9. Small Dog Coat (pink puffer)

8. Rectangular block of Polystyrene 47 x 22 x 121 cms

7. Spotters guide to rocks and minerals

6. Empty Roses tin 9.25” Diameter 4” High

5. Plastic lids (assorted) from shampoo bottles

4. Wood from raised bed

3. With the bronze award - Bags of hardcore

2. With the silver award - Slimfast Strawberry flavour out of date – Have just found 2 tins at back of cupboard, dated 2003. Should I bin them?

1. WINNER - Marble Dome – for up to 4 players. Complete except for NO MARBLES.

Other people's kids

2008-09-11T20:38:00.007+01:00

Tonight I am babysitting. It is a joy to babysit where there is wine and wireless internet.

I love kids and enjoy spending time with my friends sprogs but there are regular things that as a surrogate auntie I get subjected to.

Here are some of my favourite moments with other peoples kids:

Bathtime. Yes they want you to be there at bathtime because it's such a novelty having you around they don't want to miss your presence for more than 10 seconds. Bathtime involves perching on the toilet seat (lid down) and being interested in all the bath toys, getting your jeans soaked (hilarious), listening to nazgul style screams (enhanced by bathroom acoustics), singing bath-time songs, washing hair (they all hate this), followed by crying and exiting the bath. No bathtime is without some trauma - slipping, soapy eyes, floating poo...
Story time. I quite like story time, except when I am nominated to tell the story in the precence of a parent (or at worse both parents). One friend revels hearing the words 'I want auntie Jo to read my story'. Mom and Dad will then sit and listen. Are you sitting comfortably? ... Mid story I get told I'm not putting enough effort in and they snigger at my character voices, I don't need this kind of stress, life is hard enough already.
The bedtime/goodbye kiss. I dread the following words: "Go and say goodnight to Jo". This is the worst possible thing to ask a kid to do. You sit there awkwardly as the child says "NO!" or just runs away. Or sometimes they approach and you have to try and give them a cuddle or a kiss while they squirm about. An alternative is when the kid comes at you open mouthed and you get covered in slobber. And all this under the watchful gaze of the parents.

I guess I should thank my luck stars I don't have to do all these things every day.

The Dark Night

2008-09-03T13:59:00.007+01:00

This week I went on a bat walk with a friend who works for the Bat Conservation Trust. We completed a waterways survey which was last done 10 years ago, previous to that it had been done yearly so it was about time for a re-count!

The bats we were counting were Daubenton's, known as the 'water bat' as they fish insects from the water's surface with their large feet or tail.

So here's the drill, starting 40 minutes after sunset. There are 10 set points along the route, at each point you stand by the water for 4 minutes, one of you holds the bat detector (set to approx 35kHz for Daubenton's) and the other one holds the timer and a torch. When you detect a bat coming you shine the torch on the water to see the bat fly across. Then you write down how many you see in the 4 minutes.

We had good fun, when we arrived it was still light and so we saw loads of Pippistrelles bats, it's cool when you're holding the detector and you hear when they're coming close. It was quite spooky wandering down a woody path in the dark and I kept on having to put various scary thoughts out of my mind. As well as the bats we heard an owl, saw loads of geese, some night fishermen and we startled a swan by shining a torch at it when it was minding its business on the water.

I forget how much I enjoy being out in nature, it makes me ridiculously happy.

Title: enter something witty here

2008-06-13T19:21:00.013+01:00

I love Facebook, it's well designed, hugely popular and certain types talk about it with contempt (which is always a good thing). I've lost count of how many times I've had to defend it, the non-believers listening to my praise with scepticism. But...it is true that Facebook has had a hugely positive effect on the social activities of my local circle of friends.

I was pondering over the different ways people manage their friends list, some would never dare delete a friend (it's ok, they don't get notified!) and others who do regular culling. I reckon most people end up with an odd mix of contacts, here are some friend definitions that may ring a bell *insert disclaimer here* :

The 24 hour presence

They seem to know everything about everyone, comment on everyone's pictures and don't miss a trick. Likely to have a job which allows them to be logged in all day (you can't see it but I'm holding my hands up to the latter).

The dramatic status updater

An attention seeker who regularly changes their relationship and sexuality status, this person would rather be talked about than not talked about. And why not, they make facebook fun.

The old school 'friend'

So you hated this person at school and they were mean to you. You're friends with this person because either you're too scared to refuse or you want to stick two fingers up at them by showing them your attractive partner, perfect kids/life/facelift etc.

The ex

This is awkward, if you're still friends then why not be friends on facebook? I'll tell you why, you really don't want to know their daily motions, if you did you'd still be together.

The never updater

I mean - why bother?

The inner circle

Likely to leave cryptic messages on your wall referencing real conversations you had because you actually see this person in the flesh.

The fan

Seems to spend unhealthy amounts of time reading the crap you actually put on your profile with interest so they have something to talk to you about.

The non-friends

You want to be their friend because you think they're cool but you're too scared in case they reject you - come on admit it, there must be someone.

Love it or hate it Facebook is a hit (until the next best thing at least) and if you want to be in the loop - or want to criticise it - you gotta get in on it first.

One thing to change the world

2008-05-29T10:48:00.012+01:00

I was at the pub with some friends last night and we all suggested one thing which we would like to do to change the world. Here are some snippets:

Kill all bumblebees - apparently bees becoming extinct would mean the world would end in 4 years. It seems there would be no food left if things went unpollinated by our humble bumble bee. Notably a particularly evil world changing idea.
Make natural resources free - Our fear was that everyone would start going into the shed making business (you had to be there).
Have a scheme where you can occupy someone else's body/mind for a week and start to understand what motivates other people - anyone remember that Red Dwarf Bodyswap episode? Genius.
Put something in the water which makes people want to forgive each other - like fluoride for the soul.
Make women's football more popular than men's football in the UK - the boys were well in favour of this.
Render any weapon of war useless when in the hands of someone about to kill - world wars would be decided by boxing matches between people with huge artificially enhanced arms.
World wide wealth re-distribution every 7 years - so the rich don't just get richer and the poor don't stay poor.

Any more suggestions in the comments box please....

News Flash - French women don't suffer pms (AS IF!)

2008-05-08T12:08:00.003+01:00

I was chatting with some friends at work about PMS the other week. One of my friends is French and she swears she never heard of this in France.

I can not believe there is no pms in France so my only conclusion is that they either don’t have a term for it or they never talk about it.

We assured her that she **does** suffer from this and we would make a note of her moods and let her know when we think she was suffering so she could confirm our suspicions (after the event of course to ensure a rational response) - note this is how girls lose friends in a day.

Anyway I did some googling and came across a few songs written about said subject, I though I would share some snippets with you:

Parton Dolly, PMS Blues
You don't want to cross my path
Cause a pitbull ain't no match
For these teeth a clenchin', fluid retention
Head a swellin', can't stop yellin'
Got no patience, I'm so hateful
PMS blues, premenstrual syndrome
Got those moods a swingin', tears a slingin'
Nothin' fits me when it hits me
Rantin', ravin', misbehavin'
PMS blues

Mary J. Blige, PMS
Today I'm not feelin pretty
See I'm feeling quite ugly
Havin one of this days
When I cant make up my mind
So don't even look at me

Lunachicks, @#%! (PMS)
I don't like it : PMS
But I got it : PMS
Every month it's: PMS
Gimme a heat pack : PMS
Got any Advil?
Got any chocolate?
I need good @#%!

Twitter ye not

2008-04-17T17:39:00.012+01:00

There is a pressure when twittering to appear to be 'funny' to your friends & 'intellectual' to your work colleagues. It also helps to not appear to be a saddo and to be actually *having* a life but not so much of a life that will raise your boss' eyebrow or the vicar or whoever else might happen upon your facebook page. It's all just too much.

Many a time I start writing a twitter only to discard it. Why? They are all as mundane as each other, I can only put it down to a complex fear of rejection. These twitters languish in the drafts folder of my mobile phone. I thought I'd let them breathe here and will add to them, compare these with my actual twitters (eyes right) and it's hard to spot the difference.

"howard moon colon explorer. i love the boosh"

"Just been to shakeaway with @rachelnunson. I went for after eight & crunchie. Yum"

"bedtime reading. the complete letters of oscar wilde"

"Amazed to see a guy standing right next to a bin decide to shove his rubbish in a bush"

"ha ha. spotted some guy on the tube studying his prince2 course manual. must be his first day"

"Woah, a new bus stop has appeared on exhibition road. Long time coming"

"Just set the smoke alarms off for the first time in the new flat. Did you hear them?"

The Boy from Space

2008-03-28T18:04:00.003Z

Anyone in their 30's from the UK will possibly remember The Boy From Space (his name was Peep Peep) - this is the thing that has given me more nightmares than anything else in my whole life so far. Recently someone posted whole episodes up on youtube but they're been removed. I can't believe they are actually showing this stuff to kids - it's wrong.

Passionately yours

2008-03-20T12:41:00.003Z

Who's the Daddy?

2008-03-10T17:25:00.003Z

Last week I became a parent…[Drumroll]...let me introduce my Alien baby.

So who is the Daddy?

Well the parenting is shared between 4 people in my office, two mothers and 2 fathers.

The baby was the result of a lunch-hour-sugar-rush-fuelled trip to the Science Museum store. We were so excited when we got back to the office we decided to ‘hatch’ the baby straight away.

The chief male in the group took charge over this ‘conception’ part of the process but has since had no interest in the progress of the youngster (sound familiar?).

His name is Dodec, each 24 hours of hours of earth time is a year of his life so today is his birthday (well everyday is his birthday) and he is 10 years old.

Happy Birthday Dodec and sorry I missed the last 8 years of your life…..I was on a project management training course.

You tube

2008-01-23T10:45:00.003Z

Anyone who travels in to work on the tube will know you often end up travelling to and from work with some familiar faces. There are times I have been about to approach someone in the supermarket thinking I know them only to stop myself when I realise they are just a fellow commuter.

A few months ago I met a guy at a friends party, we knew each other instantly as we often saw each other on the tube. We talked about bird spotting (something we both have a passion for) but he lost me when he started describing his home made slow worm trap. Anyway after that night we saw each other often on the train and he'd tell me stories of going out to use his bat measuring device, my friend at work used to love hearing about him and he gained the nick-name Batman.

There are then those folk whom you know but have no desire talking to, I tend to approach the station platform with my head down in the hope that if I don't see them I can't feel guilty about ignoring them. These people most likely don't want to talk to you for an hour on the train either.

This week a friend and I were travelling in together looking forward to a good girly gas when we met one of 'them'. First comes the awkward question, do we all sit in a line or opposite each other? (we went for 3 in a row formation). My friend is much better at chit chat but I was stuck in the middle so had them talking across me for 20 minutes. Then she got off and I had to cope with another 20 minutes of agonising small talk.

In future I will stick to the rules....head down (texting is a good way to do this)....ipod on....or heavily engaging phone call.

The things I do to remain anti-social are tedious.

Fight Club

2008-01-18T16:26:00.000Z

So I have a lot of weird dreams these days, I keep nagging my friend who is a trainee psychotherapist to interpret them but she's too busy buying clothes on the internet.

The other night I actually gave birth, my mom took the baby from me straight away to rinse it under the tap (she's a nurse so she must know what she's doing).

In another dream I visited my friend Rachel's new place of work, upon her request I am blogging this!

Her new office was like a huge airplane hangar but carpeted (nasty blue office floor tiles). She had a long desk herself (well, she is the MD), and then there were some Dilbert style cubicles. About half a mile down the hangar was an electric bike showroom. Anyone who knows Rachel will know this isn't as strange as it sounds :o)

She took me around to meet the team, the first of whom could only be described as a male model ('nice' thinks me), I could enjoy working here. The next thing I know my friend Katie has arrived and her and the male model are wrestling on the floor. Rachel claps her hands yelling 'Oh goodie, fight time'.

The dream experts say:
Fighting - To see others fighting in your dream, suggests that you are unwilling to acknowledge your own problems and turmoil. You are not taking any responsibility or initiative in trying to resolve issues in your waking life.

I checked with Rachel and they don't have a fight-club policy in her company which is a shame.

8 random facts about the author

2007-12-11T15:58:00.000Z

I have been tagged (just like in a game of tag) by Frankie Roberto in a blog version of chain mail.

He refers to me as a secret blogger which is true, as soon as I discover people are reading my blog I get all embarassed.

Anyway, the rules are simple:

1: Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
2: People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
3: At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4: Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

Here are my random facts/memories:

1. I wrote to Roger the Dodger (of the Beano) when I was 11 and had my letter printed in the Christmas edition. Unfortunately I cut it out and mounted it on a shoddy bit of card.

2. Ever since I was little I wanted to work at the BBC doing outside broadcasts, I wrote to them when I was 10 for information and they wrote back telling me I was too young to employ (like I didn't know that).

3. Continuing on the theme...I spent the day at the BBC when I was about 15, I helped play jingles for Steve Wright who was very friendly.

4. I 'encountered' a guy in a club who told me he was the second cousin of Adam Ant. Don't know if it was true but he did have his old collection of Beano comics and dug out a pristine copy of the one with my letter in and gave it to me (sweet).

5. So we all know I play the acoustic guitar, did you know I got grade 3 on the Trombone.

6. I have a passion for mixing desks and can often be heard saying that you can't have too many (this is for work purposes you understand, I own none personally).

7. I have a degree in Electronics (keep this quiet).

8. In my previous job I was part of a team who installed ride photography systems in theme parks. My last install was Disneyland's Rock 'n' Roller coaster, this was possibly the best job I will ever do in my life.

Now I'm not sure I actually know 8 friends who blog (bearing in mind I can't tag Frankie) so this might be a short list:

Lisa - Canadian chum who recently deleted an entire blog (whoops)

Jane - friend who won't put this on her blog as it doesn't have shelf appeal.

Rachel - geeky girlfriend who has not blogged for an age.

Have yourself a very merry Christmas

2007-11-19T17:22:00.000Z

Generally I like buying presents. Some people inspire an endless list of present possibilities and other people leave you feeling cold and clammy, this is when I hope I'm not there to see them open whatever I gave them after painfully chosing something not quite good enough. When I say painfully I mean it, I will sweat for hours in the accessory section of Debenhams over what colour bag to get someone who probably doesn't even want a(nother) bag.

This year I decided to ask some of my like minded friends (you know who you are) to do something a little different (but not too different). Some of us rather than swapping presents will 'do' something instead, probably spending more money in the long run but also spending that good old 'quality' time together.

First booking is with a girly mate who loathes everything 'Christmas', we are off to The Dorchester for Afternoon Tea (cucumber sandwiches, scones, cakes, champagne...oh yeah and tea). Fantastic.

I can't wait, I'd much rather spend a few hours chatting and swigging champers with a mate than sweating in Debenhams.

ho ho ho