Musings of A Mommie

I Suck

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:48:00 +0000

Like....a total Sucky McSuckington kinda suck. All this time has gone by, and I failed to remember that I have an e-mail account through my web hosting service. Today I found it. It had over 1500 e-mails. WTF? Of course a lot were junk, but there were a bunch regarding guest blogs and product reviews. Well damn.

So uh, I now have that e-mail bookmarked and in plain sight. So if you e-mail me, I'll actually see it this time!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 04:01:00 +0000

You've lost someone. One of the most instrumental human beings in your life. I'm sorry. I can say that I've been there, and I have. I can say I understand the pain, and I do. I could tell you that it gets easier with time. But then I would be lying. Because it doesn't. It just gets different. Nothing I could say can ever make things better. So I just don't say anything. Nothing anyone ever said to me ever made me feel better. Even though I know they meant well. That part of your life, the huge chunk that is no longer there, is going to suck. Nothing will ever fill it completely.

What I can say is this. I love you. I have since the moment I met you. I always will. There isn't another person in this lifetime that I'd rather be with and have as my partner, the father of my babies, my best friend and my husband. You are my one. I wish I could just make it all better. I can't. If I could, I'd take the pain you feel into myself, so you wouldn't have to feel it. I can't do that either. Makes me kinda good for nothing doesn't it? Except for one thing. I love you and that will not change. Always remember that. You are my other half, the part of me that was always missing. Let me be that for you. Let me do the one small thing I'm good at. Let me comfort you, be your safe place, your shoulder, the one you never need to cover up your feelings with. It isn't much. But it's all I have.

Earthquake Schmerthquake

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 18:47:00 +0000

I didn't feel it. Not a thing. I wasn't sleeping or half comatose from lack of sleep, I was just chilling out with my kids watching a movie. I'm not saying there wasn't one, just that I didn't get to feel it. So I'm slightly pissy about it....I miss out on some of the more exciting things like that. Happily, no one was hurt. But yanno...it might have been cool.

The knee jerk panic that occurred, well it was a bit dramatic, but I mean come on, imagine 30" of snow dropping on LA. If you've never dealt with something like that, then yeah, people are going to go a little nuts. Looks like people did return to normal quickly. So kudos peeps! We are a bunch of the awesome!

Not Cut Out For This?

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 15:11:00 +0000

First let me say I make no excuses for my absence. I have none. I was a lazy bish and completely uninspired for a really long time. Don't get me wrong, I've not had a revelation that has wisked me back into the world of blogging. I just, felt like writing.

I've been going about this the wrong way. See, I started a blog so I could express myself, share my experiences as a mom, wife and a woman. Somehow I got completely derailed and began thinking that I had to be like other *bloggy moms*. You know....those ladies who always manage to have kick ass content, tons of followers, 10 pages of comments, Twitter & Facebook stalkers (the good kind, not the I should call the police kind) and can pound out great posts on a near daily basis. They go to conferences and they have sponsors and are requested to do product reviews...the list goes on.

Truth be told, I don't think that is for me. I mean if I worked as hard as those ladies do I'm sure I could do it. But that wasn't a thought when I started this blog. I know it isn't really a *job* persay for other blog moms, some were just lucky enough to have all things align in the right place for them and they have the natural talent for it. I say...."You freakin' go ladies!" I commend you for being able to rock that blogging for fun and to your advantage.

As for me, I'm not. If I don't have loads of followers, page views, comments, and twitter chatter back and forth, that's OK. I'm going to blog, when I can and about the things I feel like writing about. It may not be riveting reading, exceptional or current content, but this blog was born out of my desire to jot my thoughts down. Regardless of content. I appreciate the followers I do have, and all my twitter and FB friends. I will still follow my favorite bloggy Mommas too and marvel how they have the drive and dedication to make their blogs amazing.

How about you? Have you ever felt this way?

I Thought I Knew

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:47:00 +0000

For a while there, I thought I knew who I was, what I was doing and what my goals for the future were. I'm not so sure anymore. I've been withdrawn lately. Seems the only thing I really even get joy out of lately are my kids. While often I feel like I'm on the verge of a freak out, they are still my greatest joy. Honestly, I don't know a parent who doesn't feel like losing it sometimes. Children are a test of patience and understanding. But I wouldn't ever change having them. Sometimes I wish I could grab hold of myself and yell in my own face to get myself together. Motivation has reached almost a non-existent level while the feeling of being alone is bigger and badder than ever and stubbornly refuses to take a hike. I feel like a stranger to myself and everyone else, well I feel like I barely even know them. My husband, brother, Dad and even my extended family. Why do I feel this way? I think, I'm just tired. Tired of always being the one to put forth the effort. I'm really pretty much done with trying to be the best friend with the ear to bend, while so rarely I am able to bend the ear of others. I'm tired of putting forth energy to be playful, romantic, flirtatious and fun in my relationship to have it answered with nothing at all. And I'm tired of always being the go to girl when someone needs a favor. My days of being a sucker have come to an end, at least for now. I know they will return, it is just my nature I suppose.

Where does that leave me now though? I don't know. Floating in a sort of limbo I suppose. Stuck in a funk I just can't seem to shake off. At least one thing stays constant. I'm stupid crazy about my kiddos. Even when I want to rip every hair out of my head because the 2 yr old keeps pushing his sister and she screams if I walk away from her, even if it is a mere 3 feet and I am within sight. I'm so thankful for my babies, because when I'm with them, I am who I really want to be. Except when they have me tearing my hair out. :-)

A Beautiful Daughter Turns 1

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 13:00:00 +0000

My Little Girl so Soft and Sweet

Author: Ashley B. Schuster

My Little Girl so Soft and Sweet,
So steadily my heart does beat
With love for you like you’ll never know.
I’d give the world to watch you grow.

Snuggle closer to me still,
Even more with love my heart does fill.

How quiet and still the house is now.
It’s hard for me to imagine how
One day you won’t need me as you do now.
You’ll grow to be a strong, beautiful woman
And have children of your own.
And your sweet, innocent sounds
That made this house a home,
I will store inside my heart,
Dreading the day when we will part.

But until then you’re mine to cherish.
Memories of these moments
I will never allow to perish.

So snuggle closer to me still,
Even more with love my heart does fill,
For my little Girl so soft and sweet.

Happy Birthday To My Darling Boy

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 13:08:00 +0000

My dearest darling little boy,

I've watched you grow over the last two years and can hardly believe my eyes. No words could ever express how much I love you my sweet, sweet baby. This song describes how I feel so closely. My son, I will always love you and you will always be safe...in my arms. I love you.

Love,

Mommy

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curley cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will raise up
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books full of fairy tales
Kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

Knowing clouds will raise up
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
Because I will always
Always love you

Clouds will raise up
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms.

--Plumb, In My Arms

Almost To A Close

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:36:00 +0000

While this year has presented me with the greatest joys and deep heartache, I am thankful for them all. It has been a long time since I've blogged. I've been busy with my life and kids and to be perfectly honest, I've lacked the motivation. I wish I was able to be on top of my game and hammer out a week's worth of posts over the weekend and set them to auto-publish. But alas, it just isn't the way I do things. I blog when I am moved to do so. So I'll attempt to catch you up, bare bones version. Adding details would only add to the length of a post that will be long enough already.

On September 24, 2010 my baby girl turned 6 months old. We went to the pediatrician and got her weight and height. She was perfect. Right on target. I was happy. That evening, K got home from work and had to leave shortly after to head over to the hospital for a sleep study. I snuggled into bed for the night. I love K, but he can snore like no ones business. So it was nice to have the bed to myself and enjoy a quiet, full nights sleep, provided kids didn't wake up. At 12:27am my phone rang and it was my MIL in Oregon. I immediately knew something was wrong as she'd never call that late. I could also tell my her voice that she was very distraught and upset. The words I heard over the phone will forever be ingrained into my soul..."Dad was killed in a motorcycle accident tonight."

I almost dropped the phone. Still blurry-eyed and half asleep I stammered and stumbled over my own words, in shock and not able to even get them out right. Sparing the details as it is still very painful to even think about, I found myself faced with having to drive to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning to tell K that his father had been killed. How do you do that? How do you wake him up out of a hospital test and say something like that? I had no choice. After driving home he booked the first flight he could get which was later that morning.

It pained me not to go with him. But I had the babies here and it just wasn't possible at the time for all of us to go. I loved my FIL. He was a wonderful man and just the nicest person I think I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I instantly loved him the moment I met him. He was soft spoken, gentle, amazingly talented and the perfect Grandpa. My son adored him. When they were here visiting in April/May, each morning when Christian would wake up, he'd run looking for Grandpa. It breaks my heart that he and Claire will not know what an amazing man their grandfather was. They have to miss out on him and on their grandmother, my Mom who was my absolute hero.

Part of the reason I've been absent in blogging for so long is trying to find the words to talk about something so painful. Sometimes writing helps, and other times...you just can't find the words and have to wait until they come on their own. Despite the unpleasant things that have happened this year, I am thankful that I still have my Dad, who turned 72 last month. I'm also undeniably thankful that I have 2 beautiful, healthy, intelligent, happy and amazing children that I should be thanking God for, out loud each and everyday. And though at times I forget to say my prayers and thank Him, I am eternally grateful to Him for all He has given to me. While I mourn the loss of my dear FIL, I am also thankful to have been able to know him. That is a blessing in itself because of the man that he was. My life is more enriched because he was in it, even though the time was too short.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting as this year approaches it's end. I've alot of things to think about, changes I want to make and looking for the new year to be better than the last. I'll do my best to make it better, the rest, I'll leave up to God as He really does know best. I'd like to leave you with a few photos of my FIL...doing what he loved and with who he loved...motorcycles and his grandkids.

George William Jones
Aug. 31, 1946 - Sept. 24, 2010

The Vulcan

Wordless Wednesday - Cuteness

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 17:33:00 +0000

Such A Long, Long Time

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 22:07:00 +0000

It seems like it has been forever. I'm sorry. I really wish I could be one of those savvy bloggers who can have posts written ahead of time and schedule them to publish so readers have something to read. I also wish I was able to sit own and pound out a post about some current event, something everyone is talking about while it is actually still a current topic instead of something that happened 4 months ago. I'm not one of those people as much as I have tried to be in the past. I'm sure I'm no more busy than any other momma blogger out there. I just suck at time management maybe. I really do love blogging, but sometimes there are just things that come before it. Perhaps it takes me longer to process through things before I can jump on the bandwagon and begin hammering out posts about my life.

The truth is my family has been turned upside down. When I find the strength to write about it, I will. Just when things seemed to be going fantastic. I was kicking PPD's ass, I was freakin' Susie homemaker, I was Super Momma and in an instant that all fell to the wayside because a tragedy hit hard and cracked my hard outer layer and my soft gooey center has found its way to the outside. That soft place I sometimes share with people that I have a very deep trust. I found myself with out tape, bandages, a band aid and have been doing my best to keep it contained. My family and friends are also dealing with their own hurt and the last thing they need is me unable to hold back my own. Sure misery loves company, but not this kind. So bear with me as I sort through things and do my best to still be the person I always have been, though somewhat changed. I'd like to share even this part of my life with you. But I can't until I'm ready. I'm getting there.

Sign Language For Your Baby: Special Guest Post

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 22:54:00 +0000

Hello everyone! Misty of Baby Sign Language has agreed to write a wonderful helpful article to introduce everyone to sign language for your baby. This is something I've taken a great interest in myself, especially since my son has been showing frustration when trying to tell me what he wants. It is much easier for them to get across their meaning via sign language! I hope to have Misty spot light more posts in the future! Please read below and make sure to visit the web links provided. The web site is amazing and full of information, videos and flash cards to help you get started, or continue teaching your baby to sign!

How To Adapt Baby Sign Language For Your Baby

Baby sign language is a cool way to communicate with your baby before your baby can actually talk. To learn baby sign language you need to have a signing system that you and baby can understand. The most popular system is American sign language for babies, which is used all over the world. Once you have begun signing, however, don’t be afraid to adapt baby sign language to make it work for you. As long as you and baby understand the signs you are using that’s all that matters! To adapt baby signing to make it work for you and your baby, remember these five simple words…

Fun
Repeat
Encourage
Learn
Adapt

1. Fun
Baby sign language needs to be fun – that is your number one goal. If it’s not fun your baby won’t learn anything and you won’t enjoy teaching baby sign language. To adapt signing to your needs, find ways to include signs in all the fun activities you do every day. Sing your signs, tell stories with them, sign in the car, sign when playing together, sign while out shopping. Create a warm, fun environment when teaching Baby Sign Language – your baby will begin to sign much sooner.

2. Repeat
Repetition is the key to teaching baby sign language. Babies need repetition of a new sign for around two months before they start to use it themselves. Start with your favorite signs and repeat them as often as you can.

3. Encourage
It’s important to encourage your baby whenever he tries to make a sign – even if you don’t know what he’s trying to say be sure to give him loads of encouragement with good eye contact, a positive tone of voice and lots of hugs and kisses. Praise him just for trying. When you understand what sign he’s making, respond by letting him know you ‘get it. This will build his confidence to try again.

4. Learn
Once you and baby have mastered the basics you can start to expand your signing vocabulary. Introduce any new signs slowly, and remember to have fun, repeat and encourage all the time. It’s best to stick to one group of signs at a time, such as food, colors, shapes, or animals. Once these have been mastered, move on to a new group. Don’t forget to use the signs you’ve already learned while you are introducing new ones.

5. Adapt
Remember – Mommy knows best. If you or your baby find a sign difficult or something doesn’t work for you, it’s fine to adapt baby sign language to suit. Make up your own signs. The point of Baby Signing is to improve communication and give your little one the tools he needs to tell you what he wants or how he feels. It’s your language – who cares if no one else understands it? Adapt learning Baby Sign Language to fit your needs, and remember to have fun along the way.

I'm A Guest Blogger!

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 18:31:00 +0000

You'll find me over at Good Girl Gone Redneck this week. I did a guest blog post for her, and I'd really like if everyone stopped by and read it. I tried to be very open, honest and bare bones in this post. It is something that reached way down deep inside and I wanted to share it with everyone. Living More In The Moment is the title of my blog post and something I think all of us can do a little more of. Just click the link and it will take you too the post. Don't forget to follow Andrea on Twitter as well! She is one of my favorite bloggy & Tweety friends, she rocks. So what are you waiting for? Go on over and read my post, and don't forget to get addicted to Andrea's blog too!

Wordless Wednesday - I Haz A Sheep

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:19:00 +0000

Claire at 5 Months

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 17:45:00 +0000

I can hardly believe that she is 5 months old. This update is a bit late since she turned 5 months old on the 24th. I'll try to get her 6mo update closer to the actual date! She is such a happy little thing. Smiles constantly. Day & night difference from those first 3 1/2 months. Colic & reflux is such a bitch. It really is. I'm so glad it is mostly over. We still medicate for reflux, but it is being managed really well and under control. So without further delay, here is the update!

What she is wearing:

- 3-6 months can still wear some 0-3 but anything with feet she is busting out of...lol.

- She is wearing size 3 Luvs.
- Huge smiles on her gorgeous little face!

What she is doing:

-Getting up on hands and knees and rocking violently!

- "Talking" to us. A lot. She is very vocal! Lots of coos and babbles & she can get loud too!

- Smiling. Big broad smiles, with and without the tongue sticking out.

- Laughing. Every now and again I can get her going with some deep belly laughs.

- Kicking, reaching, grabbing, shaking and mouthing on everything she can get her hands on.

- Looking at the TV, wathing Christian and anything near her. Her head is on a swivel!

- Snuggling. Moreso than before, she really likes to be held to your chest and snuggle.

- Gripping items/toys/blankets/burp cloths.

- Pulling her pacifier out of her mouth with her hand & looking at it. This cracks me up. She is so intent with the inspection of the paci.

What she is eating:

- Enfamil Nutramigen - 5 bottles - 7ozs. each.

- Prevacid (for reflux) - 4mls 2x daily

What she is growing:

- Finally getting some thicker eyes lashes. Hoping she gets K's or she'll hate me. Christian has his father 'slong thick lashes.

What she likes these days:

- Music - Especially my singing, but enjoys the music channels on TV and likes the radio too.

- Books - She is very engaged with Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar .
- TV - I usually have to turn it off because she gets distracted and won't take her bottle.

- Getting raspberries on her belly.

- Playing with her feet.

- Me playing with and sniffing her feet and telling her they stink...lol.

- Shaking her rattles, toys that crinkle and jingle.

- Being carried upright since she has much better head control now.

- Still loves her swing, but starting to get bored some days. She is ready for more action.
- Massages after bath.
- Being swaddled. I pretty much have to swaddle her every night to get her to go to sleep in her bassinet. Way different from Big C.

What she is saying:

Babbling & cooing up a storm. No words.

What we are working on:

- Tummy time to strengthen neck muscles.

- Rolling over strengthening back muscles.

- Sitting more upright to practice for when she tries to sit by herself.

- Rocking back & forth on knees

I Have Another Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 16:58:00 +0000

Its no secret. If you know me you know that I have several addictions. Some I was able to give up. I quit smoking as soon as I learned I was pregnant with Christian and never went back. I was never addicted to alcohol, but I did drink socially and that has stopped nearly completely. I did have 1 glass of wine a month ago and was borderline nackered from it. But there are those that no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to give up. Carbs for example. I've tried and I've failed miserably. There is just no way I am ever going to be willing to give up bread. I can't do it. Yes, I am fluffy. And if being thin means having to give up bread....forget it. I'll stay that way. My kids. I'm hopelessly addicted to them and I never want that to change.

When I was younger though. I was addicted to reading. I loved it. I was a voracious reader. Then, I don't really know what happened. I began slowing down. Honestly I think the computer began taking up more of my reading time and then I just kinda stopped altogether. Maybe I would read 1 book a year. When I was usually reading 1-3 a week I found myself lately really missing it. I've yearned to read again. But I just never seemed to find the time. I mean, have you ever tried to read a book and bottle feed at the same time? It is virtually impossible. You just can't hold the book open and do that.

So here is where I will sing the praises of my husband and gush about how I love him. For our anniversary, he bought us both Motorola Droid phones. I think I died and went to heaven. I wondered how I kept my sanity without it! The apps are amazing and help me keep organized. From the Baby ESP application, to the Jorte to keep all my appointments at my fingertips to the grocery list my K and I can share. This thing rocks! But then, then I found out that I can read books on it. Are you freaking kidding me? I can read a book on this thing? Like, really?!

Oh yes! I love, love, love it! I don't have to fumble with the pages of a book trying to hold it open and do other things. I can stand at the stove stirring and cooking dinner and read at the same time! I can bottle feed the baby at 4am and read because I can set it down and not worry about pages closing. I never have to *remember* to bring a book with me to the doctor's office....it's right on my phone! In the last 2 weeks I've been able to read 3 books! I'm on the second book of the Twilight series....and before you snort about that, the books are really good so far.

I am so excited to be able to read again. And I honestly thing it has made me happier. It has been really good for my PPD too. It gives me a few minutes to myself that I need. Even if I read for only 5 minutes in between tasks, just those few minutes help me get centered and reduce my anxiousness to a level I can easily deal with. I have been even more attentive with the kids and I have been enjoying them more than ever. I cannot count how many times I've looked at them both and felt my heart swell and nearly burst out of my chest with love for them. They are amazing. I always knew they were, but now I am keenly aware of just how blessed I am and I'm able to live much more int he moment with them. Who would have thought that being able to take some time to myself reading for just a few minutes at a time could create such a wonderful, positive change. The kids are feeling it too. Christian and Claire both even seem more at ease, easier to put to bed/naps and they both just seem happier because I am happier.

K, I really love you for helping my get some of my life back. Even though you didn't realize you were doing it, you did. I'm so glad you are mine! I love you!

What helps you live more in the moment? What do you do to give yourself some *me* time?

Snakes On A...Kitchen Floor?

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 17:45:00 +0000

Er, yes. This morning J, told me he found a snake slithering across the kitchen floor. I nearly had a heart attack! He had it trapped in a cup on the kitchen counter. I peered into the cup and saw that it was a teeny little thing, about 4 inches long. I looked it up on the computer and identified it as a Southern Ringneck. Small, harmless, bug/worm eater. But still, I wasn't happy about it being in my kitchen. Where did it come from? I called A to ask where the bag of baby clothes she gave me Tuesday were sitting in her house. It may have been coincidence but the snake was close to the bag that I brought into the house yesterday from my van. It could have wandered into the bag from her house, or just found its way into mine. Either way it was better I let her know in case some of its brothers/sister might be exploring. Fortunately they are harmless little things and surprisingly rather pretty. It was an exciting morning. I mean really, how often do you find a snake in your kitchen?!

Scattered

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:09:00 +0000

The last few weeks have been a blur. So many things have happened & I just haven't had the time to write like I'd like. I haven't abandoned the blog. But I really missed the kids this last 2 weeks. Even though I was with them it feels like I wasn't. I'll explain it later, I know it doesn't make much sense. But I am so glad I have them. I took this last week to just bathe myself in their hugs, kisses and snuggles. Enjoying the smiles, giggles and quirks that I so adore.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.5.2

Wordless Wednesday - From This Day Forward

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:06:00 +0000

I know this is supposed to be Wordless Wednesday, but today I am celebrating the fact that 9 years ago today I married my best friend, K.

How I Met Your Father - Part I

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 20:56:00 +0000

A few people have asked about how I met K. I guess I should probably start from the beginning. Meaning the period of time right before I met him. I've never really gone into detail about my life story or many of the major events in my life other than the birth of my children. The death of my mother was a critical turning point in my life. One day, I'll tell her story, which also became my story. But for this particular entry I'm going to focus on a few months after she died.

See? Here I am.....oops...wait...haha...I'm not 21 in this picture! But I am kinda cute!

I was 21 years old, carefree and young with my whole life ahead of me. I was going to college pursuing my life-long dream of becoming a veterinarian. I was in the first semester of my second year. My mother fell quite ill, so I decided to take the semester off to be at home with her. I took her to her doctors appointments & such. When she died, my world pretty much fell apart. I spent the first few months deep in the depths of grief. A close friend at the time, who was more like a sister to me tried to get me to go out and pull myself out of the hole that I was in. So I did, reluctantly. It was through her that I learned about the interwebs. I did not have a computer. I had no idea what the internet was or how to even use it. Sheltered? Umm...yeah! But I found it amazing. It was so cool how you could talk to people from all over. I knew I had to get in on this!

Without going into detail about my life, its kinda boring anyway, I wasn't much of the party type. Yes, I was 21, but I hadn't been in a bar until I turned 23. Gasp! Look, you are talking to a chick who ate her first taco at 21 years old, what do you expect?! I spent much of my time at home and with my dogs. Breeding & showing Bulldogs was something my Mom & I both had a passion for, so even though she passed away, I felt she had left me this legacy and I wanted to keep it alive. But with that lifestyle came loneliness. It is pretty solitary just raising puppies. The most social interactions I ever got came from the dog shows.

Showing dogs is my most favorite sport, especially when I win! Here I am winning Breed with my Heart dog, Whitey. I am 22 years old.

So in October of '98 I had saved up enough money to purchase my first computer. With a whopping 333MHz processor. Sounds ancient now doesn't it? But it was one the of the faster ones of the day. I surprised myself at how quickly I set it up. Who knew I was ~~such a geek~~ so tech savvy? Next I went out and got hooked up to the internet via....dial up. Wait! There is no need to wail in horror! We couldn't get DSL where I lived. So it was that or nothing. It served its purpose too.

I logged into Yahoo! Chat, which now is defunct. Shyly, I introduced myself and soon friendships began to blossom. I met several people who I still talk to this very day, as well as K! Crystal is my internet sissy. I love you, girl! Val is also my internet sister. She also claims that she is responsible for K & I hooking up. We let her believe that. You should check out her blog, Mind Mumbles sometime. She is hilarious and just an amazing writer, she makes it seem so effortless! I also met Josh...my redneckiest friend in the world, who one day I am going to make him take me fishing since he lives like...RIGHT UP THE ROAD FROM ME! He didn't then, but he does now!

One night though, it was really quite late I was in the country music rooms of Yahoo! chat. This is where I spent most of my time. I was raising a litter of puppies and it was almost time for their next feeding, so I would chat in between during the late nights. I'm not really sure when this person entered the chat room, but somehow we both became involved in the same conversation. He seemed nice. Was respectful and polite. Feeding time arrived and I never gave it another thought. It was just like any other night. Or was it?

Most of us who knew each other in chat usually logged in at similar times. Josh & I were apparently insomniacs because we were on the East coast while Crystal was in Western Canada, Val in the Mid West and K was on the West coast, in California. Seriously, I couldn't have found someone who wasn't COMPLETELY across the country from me? Alas, I digress. This meant that I was logged in usually during the wee hours of the night/morning. Which wasn't really a big deal since I was up all night raising puppies.

Here is where things get a bit fuzzy. Cut me some slack, I was usually punch drunk from lack of sleep so that is why I can't remember exact details. I don't remember exactly how K and I began our private conversation, but we did. My first impression was that he was funny, extremely quick witted, engaging and disgustingly charming. He was not flirtatious though. Val messaged me and asked if I was talking to him, I told her I was. She didn't say much more about it at the time.

Our chats became more regular. We began waiting on one another to show up and I clearly remember getting considerably happier when he came online. I was getting to know him and I liked what I knew so far. We discovered that we had many things in common. From our values to our ideas about life, politics and even religion for the most part. In a nutshell we were cut from very similar cloth. After some time we exchanged photos of one another. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I thought he was the handsomest, sexiest and dreamiest guy I had ever seen!

I was smitten, twitterpated, call it whatever you like. Apparently, he was too. Lucky me! We went on for a while with midnight chats and got brave enough to move on to the telephone. After about a year we decided to meet. He flew here. I was never so nervous in my life. Honestly, I wasn't sure we'd hit it off face to face. Things like that can really open your eyes. You never really *know* someone until you meet them face to face. For me, after meeting, I thought I was in love. Nah, I knew it was love. He was nice, courteous, charming, decent, laid back and non-judgemental. Perfect.

March 2000 - When we first met face to face

Self-doubt & fear rose its ugly head shortly after he left though. I began to tell myself that I was being silly and not to expect much more than a passing hello from him again. Even though things went so grand while he was here. I always had a hard time believing someone could love me. There would be another visit...much to my surprise.

To Be Continued...

Poop, It Happens at 5AM

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 20:34:00 +0000

Note: If talk of poop, baby poop, color & texture of poop & the act of babies pooping grosses you out, then FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS CUTE CHUBBY & ROUND (like me) don't read any further! Or is that farther? Meh, who cares? You can just stop here.

I love my daughter. Everything about her. She is cute, cuddly and finally happier! We've gotten past those days of pesky gas & colic. Well, the formula change gets the credit there. But she is pleasant again! Like the first few days after she was born, only better now because she smiles, laughs and plays back.

Not only has the formula change made her a much happier camper, it also corrected her constipation troubles. When the pediatrician told me, "I've never seen a baby on this formula with anything other than soft stools" I was a bit skeptical. And this is why I'm not a pediatrician with my own practice. In the height of her colic/gas & constipation her poop was kinda light greenish and super firm. After the change over to Nutramigen it usually looks like scrambled eggs in her diaper. That is the best way I can describe it. If I ruined you fondness for eggs, I'm not sorry because I really can't eat them cause they make me doubled over in pain. If I can't have them, then you should at least have to think of poop when you have them!

OK, now to be completely graphic & gross. If you see her actually doing the deed, which it's happened a few times, this poop is best described as juicy. Did I do it again? Ruin something else this time? Sorry. :p Since the absorbency of the diaper just zaps up the liquid, it leaves just the eggy stuff behind. She is very explosive & generous with the quantity. The girl still has wicked gas, just not the "I'll scream until you shoot your face off with a bazooka to stop your ears from bleeding" kind. So to review, Claire's poops are large, loud, explosive, juicy then eggy.

Fast forward to 5am Thursday morning. I am so tired. K already left for work at 4am. Claire is fussing and rolling all over her pack & play bassinet. I peel my eyeballs open and sit on the edge of the bed blinking furiously to try to get them to work. They hurt too. But only when they are open. I stand up & sit right back down because, well, I kinda fell back down, but whatev. I stand up again, slower this time and make my way to the dresser where I stash some bottles, water & formula. I mix her up a 6 ouncer and pick the cuteness that is my Clairebear up and go sit on the bed with her and she drinks.

Her beautiful little eyes look up at me while she drinks and they flutter a little bit. As tired as I am, I wouldn't ever give up those moments of *girl talk* we share in the wee hours of morning. I burp her, kiss her, snuggle her...man I love this mommy gig. I then lay her down to change her. We play "stinky feet" and I strip her diaper off & wipe her down with a wipe. I have her cute little ankles in my hand and as I'm lifting her up to slip the fresh clean diaper under her, she sneezes. She has the cutest sneezes by the way. Her sneeze was so forceful though that it also caused her to fart at the same time. I wouldn't know anything about that ::side eyes:: but I'm sure its happened to you too. Apparently the sneeze was so forceful it not only cause her to fart, but to also shoot a pile of juicy poop out onto my bed. She looked up at me and smiled. A huge, cheesy, gummy grin. Then squirted out more while I just sat there holding her feet & looking on in horror.

I froze. Then I almost cried because it was 5am. Then I just laughed. So hard I nearly woke up Christian. I'm not sure if I just temporarily lost my marbles, or if it was that grin on her face when she let loose the second half, or of it was the sneeze, then fart then explosion, but I just couldn't help myself. I didn't really feel like stripping the bed at 5am, but this kid is so darn cute, the laugh was worth it. It may sound silly too, but I thought I would have gotten mad, not at her, but at myself for not being more careful. And I didn't! Which is progress for me on the PPD front.

I cleaned up my snuggle bunny, wrapped her up in a snuggly swaddler and put her back to bed, then proceeded to clean up the mess. By the way, the Oxyclean stain spay...AHHHmazing! My mattress looks like nothing ever happened! Anywho, I think I can say that motherhood has made me insane. And ya know, I kinda like it. ;) What disaster has your little one done that made you laugh instead of cry when you clearly could have?

Who's Birthday Is It? & The Cheesecake Cookie

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:36:00 +0000

So y'all probably don't know that it was K's birthday yesterday. He turned 36. I wanted to plan something nice for him. But you know, the best of intentions sometimes fail.

K and I are not wealthy in any sense of the word. We are about as average as you can get. We have made sacrifices so that I can be a SAHM. That means we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. And that is OK with us. It isn't like our family has to go without, we just go without the *extras* when it comes to certain things. Since Claire has been on Nutramigen, things have gotten a bit more tight in the finances department. She goes through 3 of those big cans of powder every 2 weeks. At 33 bucks a can plus tax, it is a little over $100.00 every 2 weeks just for her formula. K gets paid twice a month. So things get to be a little tight right around payday. So planning a dinner out, or movies or anything like that was out until Friday.

I take birthdays very seriously. I mean come on, it is a celebration of the day you were born. I know how excited I was when my babies were born. Those were the best days of my life! So I have to do something on the actual day. It just so happens that K prefers pie over cake. So I thought about making him one of his favorite pies. Then I remembered I used up all but a smattering of the flour when I baked bread last week. Darn. I thought about running out and picking some up, but I had an emergency dental appointment looming that afternoon to fix a chipped tooth. Darn again.

I looked around the kitchen. Rummaged through the pantry and grabbed the graham cracker crumbs. Hmm. The only think K likes as much as pie is cheesecake. Checked the fridge and there was still cream cheese left from the 6 pack I bought a few weeks ago when I made carrot cream cheese muffins & marble brownies. Score! I moved things around looking for it but it was just the one package. Darn...a third time. Well...I could half the recipe and everything would be OK. It would be a small cheesecake, but a cheesecake nonetheless!

Happily, I made my crust and then I realized the smallest pan I had was an 8.5" springform. You have to be kidding me. I could have sworn I had a smaller one. Well crap. My dental appointment time was creeping up on me. So I decided in the words of Tim Gunn on Project Runway to "Make it work." I baked my crust, threw in my filling, popped it in the oven and ran to get ready for my appointment. Twenty-five minutes later I pulled it out. It looked beautiful! I was so excited because it didn't even crack! Tossing it in the fridge I raced out the door to the car and zoomed off to get this chipped tooth fixed.

After getting home from the dentist, I found K feeding Christian dinner. I hugged & kissed him, wished him a happy birthday for the 3rd time and ran back to get Claire a bottle and feed her. It is almost time to put the kids to bed so I head out to the kitchen to get K's cake, sing happy birthday and give cards/gifts. Christian is sitting with my dad in the living room and I yell out to him, "Come on Dad, it's time to sing 'Happy Birthday'." To which he answers, "Singing it to who?" Uh, how long have K & I been married? You'd think my dad would know his birthday by now. J gets the fridge door for me and I whip out the cheesecake. TA DA!!! K smiles broadly. After setting it in front of him I flip the spring on the pan and take off the sides and look in horror.

J looks at me and says, "What the heck happened to the cheesecake?" I almost burst into tears. Even though the cake was fine, because I didn't have a pan that was smaller in diameter than the 8.5" spring form, my cheese cake looked more like a cookie. With my lip quivering slightly, I recounted my earlier adventure trying to get everything together to make something. J laughed. K laughed. I felt bad for a few minutes. Then I laughed too. Seriously, it was hilarious. It looked so funny. However it tasted fabulous!

Not the sharpest picture, but you can see, clearly a Giant. Cheesecake. Cookie.

Later, when K & I climbed into bed, we fell asleep laughing. Between my dad asking who we were singing to & the cookie that was really a cheesecake, he told me it would be a birthday he would never forget. Mission accomplished!

Claire at 4 Months

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:30:00 +0000

So I was reading over at I Can Grow People, which I love by the way and saw that Lori is doing monthly updates with her adorable little one. I thought this was so cool! So I wanted to start doing them. I'm not sure I'll be able to do them monthly, but at least I'll be able to do some of the milestone ones! So, Claire just turned 4 months old! Pediatrician appointment and vaccines are scheduled. So here is Claire's 4 Month Update!

I do want to start off by saying that the gas & colic issues are much better since the introduction of Nutramigen formula and Prevacid. Seriously she is like a new baby. Still pretty sensitive & somewhat of a Mommy's girl. She doesn't like when I walk away from her. But she is beginning to not like anyone talking to her, then walking away. I think she feels insulted. She is eating like a horse right now. Waking up for a 4am feeding, which I thought we had done away with, but she wanted it back, so up I get. But it's OK...I enjoy our middle of the night girl talks!

What she is wearing:

- Most things at 0-3 months & she still has plenty of room in them for right now.

- She is wearing size 2 Luvs.
- Bibs. We go through several a day not only from the reflux, but she is a serious drooler now. I see a tooth in our immediate future.

What she is doing:

- Rolling over! Both ways & to the left & the right!

- "Talking" to us. A lot. She is very vocal! Lots of coos and babbles & she can get loud too!

- Smiling. Big broad smiles, with and without the tongue sticking out.

- Laughing. Every now and again I can get her going with some deep belly laughs.

- Kicking. Like a wild woman! She is batting quite a bit too.

- Demanding attention. I feel the Dog & Pony Show days approaching!

- Snuggling. Moreso than before, she really likes to be held to your chest and snuggle.

- Gripping items/toys/blankets/burp cloths.

- Pulling her pacifier out of her mouth with her hand & looking at it. This cracks me up. She is so intent with the inspection of the paci.

What she is eating:

- Enfamil Nutramigen - 6 bottles - 5-6ozs. each.

What she is growing:

- She is getting very loooong! And she's getting more hair...kinda sorta. Its hard to explain...lol.

What she likes these days:

- Music - Especially my singing, but enjoys the music channels on TV and likes the radio too.

- Books - She is very engaged with Eric Carle's The Very Hungry Caterpillar .
- TV - I rarely let her watch television, but she enjoys some of the Baby Genius shows on our cable On Demand. J was sitting with her the other night and she was quite engaged in watching Monsters Inside Me with him. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

- Getting raspberries on her belly.

- Playing with her feet.

- Telling her she has a stinky hiney...hey, as long as she thinks its funny.

- Being carried upright since she has much better head control now.

What she is saying:

Babbling & cooing up a storm. No words.

What we are working on:

- Tummy time to strengthen neck muscles.

- Rolling over strengthening back muscles.

- Sitting more upright to practice for when she tries to sit by herself.

8 Things Every New or Experienced Mom Shouldn't Be Without

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 19:30:00 +0000

So let me start by saying, I'm still a new mom. Only been at this gig for a mere 18.5 months so I am by no means an expert in the subject. But I have found some things that rock my world as a Mommy and that after having used them, I wonder how I lived without them! By the way, any products are not paid endorsements. I purchased all of it myself with my husband's hard earned money. So no kick backs here. Not that I frown upon that, but I don't want anyone thinking anything on the list is because I'm getting paid for it. Now, let's get it on!

Calmoseptine Ointment - Hands down THE best remedy for severe cases of diaper rash.

Triple Paste - Next in line to Calmoseptine. It is amazing on diaper rash & for prevention too!

Coddlelife Borosilicate Glass Bottles w/Peristaltic Vented Nipples - Colic? Meet your maker & so much easier to clean than Dr. Browns!

Dr. Browns Bottles w/ Natural Flow venting system - Another awesome choice for colic/gas. Tried & true for both my kids!

Graco's NasalClear Battery Operated Aspirator - My baby shower gift of choice! If you are knocked up & I know you, you are gettin' one of these? Especially great with a toddler who hates having his face sucked out!

Graco MyRide 65 Car Seat - Great for keeping a child rear-facing as long as possible. Rear-facing up to 40 pounds! Front facing to 65 pounds. So many great colors! I have it & love it!

Fisher Price Cradle'n Swing - This was my LIFESAVER with both babies for colic. Many varieties to choose from too!

Homedics SoundSpa Lullaby - White noise at it's best with a projector! I LOVE this!

Now, if you want expert Mom advice?...well...I'll work on getting Michelle Duggar to do a guest post for me!

Day 1: #31DBBB Challenge - Write An Elevator Pitch

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 17:59:00 +0000

OK, so I'm like 8 days late on this challenge. But if I did it in the appropriate time then it wouldn't be a challenge, right? OK, so here it goes.

Musings of A Mommie is about a thirty-something, farm living, karaoke singing, Twitter tweeting, Facebook posting, photo taking, office supply junkie-turned-domestic goddess, stay-at-home momma blogger of two darling babies both under the age of 2! My father & brother living with us can lead to some interesting capers. So come on, meet the Fam & stay a spell! Oh, I also cheat at Scrabble.

The SITS ProBlogger Challenge

noreply@blogger.com (Stacey) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 13:30:00 +0000

Well, I've finally done it. I've decided to take part in a challenge! If you know me, you know I love a challenge. Well, except when it comes to weight loss because well, that just blows....really hard. However, I want y'all to know that even in that area I'm hunkering down and actually doing something this time rather than just talking about it. So join in if you like, you can click the badge at the top of this post to get all the deets on participation...we'd all love be better bloggers! This will prove to be a real challenge for me since I'm not really able to do blog posts each day. Actually, I'm already a week late...haha. But I will be catching up! So stay tuned for featured posts of the 31 Day Becoming a Better Blogger!