My Baby Sleep Guide - Your baby sleep problems solved!

Better TV Means Better Kids {Infographic}

2013-05-01T00:30:00.000-06:00

While I was shopping today with my 2 and 5 year old (always a pleasant experience!), my 5 year old was sneaking around the corners of the store and hidng everywhere. Turns out he was pretending to be an explorer like Dora the Explorer! It made me smile amidst the spilled drink on the ground in front of me and the crying 2 year old who had lost said drink.

And it reminded me of this great infographic from educationnews.org. Isn't it so much nicer to learn something in a graphic than from boring text?! As I've mentioned many times over, too much tv (especially close to bedtime) or the wrong kind of tv (nightmares anyone?) isn't great for sleep. And it isn't so great for other areas of development either...

When Postpartum Depression Took Over

2013-04-16T06:00:00.000-06:00

This post has been on my mind for a few years. I've been hesitant to write about it before now. Maybe my heart needed to heal, maybe I was scared to open up about such a personal subject. I don't know. But in the end, I know some of you are suffering out there and some of you know someone who's suffering, and I hope this post helps you through it and let's you know you are not alone!

Me and Joshua

It began about 3 days after my oldest son, Joshua, was born.

I'd been anxious before, but this was something else. I felt like my heart was constantly racing, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop thinking and worrying and, well, I felt crazy anxious.

Then a few days later the depression set in and things got worse. A lot worse. Nothing says it better or how it really was like a journal entry...

Journal Entry 2/7/08 (6 weeks post partum)
The hard thing about Joshua is that nothing is black and white. I can't stand it. I just don't know what to do. I am going crazy! I have been feeling progressively more depressed and anxious. I started on antidepressants on Tuesday. I hope they start working soon because I am getting worse and don't know how much more I can handle.
It is horrible to say this, but so far I really do not enjoy being a mom. It has nothing to do with not liking Joshua, it is just the job--it is so stressful, hard, frustrating, tiring, overwhelming and different from what I've ever done. I have to admit I feel abandoned by God. I know I'm not but it feels like "how could he do this to me, I'm suppose to be a mom, why can't I enjoy it or handle it?"

Joshua is 6 weeks old today. I made it this far at least. It is easier but I'm still having a really hard time. I had an anxiety attack today. It was horrible. I really hope I feel better soon or I don't know what I'll do.

Journal Entry 2/19/08 (7 weeks postpartum)
It's amazing how I have already forgotten so much of the pain and agony of the last several weeks. It was horrible, all I wanted to do was put him down. I wanted nothing to do with him. I'm still having problems with bonding with him, but they have imp;roved. My depression isn't as bad but definately still there. I don't feel like stabbing myself right now which is good. (yes, I wrote that--at the time I'm pretty sure I wished I was dead, but I didn't actually feel a desire to hurt myself. It was more like "if a care would randomly hit me as I was crossing the street, I wouldn't mind"). It is amazing how bad depression and anxiety can get. It isn't even imaginable how horrible it can feel. You have to have it to know. I REALLY hope things get better because i dont feel like i can keep doing this for too much longer. i want to quit breastfeeding but i also don't. i would feel so guilty since it is healthier. I just dont understand everything im feeling. I hate it.

I felt so prepared to spend all my time taking care of a baby but now all I want is to not take care of him. I feel resentment toward him I think. I don't like being a mom and I feel so scarred that this feeling won't change.

Journal Entry 2/27/08 (2 months postpartum)
I have felt happy a few time and I wish I could feel like that all the time.

Journal Entry 3/8/08 (2 months postpartum)
I'm doing better, though still not where I'd like to be. I still feel extremely depressed and anxious at times. I'm finally able to find enjoyment ins more things which is so great!

I am still breast-feeding amazingly! It is still getting easier and a couple times I have actually enjoyed it.

Future Journal Entries - Pretty much full of my obsessive thoughts over my son Joshua, so I think I was feeling much better by then! Antidepressants made a world of difference for me and I was able to wean off them within several months without any issues.

As you can see, I got pretty dang depressed. Honestly, even these journal entries can't give justice to how I felt. It was a nightmarish time, and my guilt over feeling how I did about my son made it that much more of a nightmare. I didn't want to feel this way, I tried not to feel this way, but I did.

Not surprisingly, I was scared for quite a while to have another child. When I was at my worst, I even vowed never to have another child in fear that I'd have to go through this again. Obviously, I eventually had another child, but that doesn't mean I wasn't freaked out about getting PPD again. I tried to do everything possible to make the birth of my next child easier to decrease my chance of PPD--even to the extend that I had 50 pre-made frozen meals in my freezer beforehand!

Postpartum depression sucks. It's not fair. Did I mention it really, really sucks?

It's not something you should ever feel guilty or embarassed about. And it's not something you should suffer with on your own. See your doctor, talk to a friend, leave a comment in this community here. If I could, PDD would never hit another hard working, worn out mom (and sometimes dad) again, but until then, take each day, even minute, one step at a time, and know that you are not alone.

Sleep Books by Sleep Training Method

2013-04-09T16:10:00.000-06:00

So you're dirt tired, you can hardly see straight and you haven't had time to brush your teeth for...who knows how long. You're afraid if the neighbor sees you she's going to think zombies have invaded your house, BUT you decide to go ahead and read that huge sleep book sitting on your shelf because you CANNOT go on living like this. But guess what. That book you just spent every last free second reading turns out to be exactly what you weren't looking for! Not only was it a waste of money, but it was a huge waste of time (especially because many authors take hundreds of pages to get to their point!). I mean, you can hardly find time to make it to the bathroom, you don't have several extra hours to read a book that turns out to be about CIO when you aren't interested in CIO--or vice versa.

Time and energy is not something you have much of right now. So I hope the below list will be a super duper quick version of the top sleep training methods for you. I'll link to the book review if I've done one, and I'll eventually get to adding all the reviews. My guess is that you can get most of these from the library, but I've also listed where you can buy them too (I found them all on amazon, which is where I generally find the best prices).

Keep in mind that although I'm listing these books under a sleep training approach, this is just the method suggested IF your child continues to have sleep issues after following their other recommendations (which often include suggestion like the ones on my setting the stage for good sleep post).

Some additional posts that may be helpful while choosing a sleep training method:

Sleep Training Defined (by me!)
Choosing An Approach
It's time to take the GUILT out of sleep training
Sleep Training - A baby's humorous point of view - we all need to laugh sometimes, right?
Ferber vs Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child
Sleep Training Index

Gentle and No-Cry

Baby Sleep Book (Sears). Sears is an advocate of attachment parenting and co-sleeping. They believe in gentle approaches to sleep training and they encourage more parent involvement with sleep ("night parenting"), particularly with babies. You can buy the Baby Sleep Book here.
Helping Baby Sleep (Gethin, Macgregor). This book focuses on helping your child sleep while following the attachment parenting approach. It is very much against CIO alternatives. You can buy it here.
No Cry Sleep Solution (Pantley). Pantley also believes in attachment parenting and co-sleeping, although she understands that all parents may not want to co-sleep for various reasons. She offers lots of very gentle solutions to help your child sleep better, even if you are co-sleeping. You can read my review of The No Cry Sleep Solution here and buy it here.

Intermediate or Middle Ground (may be crying, but you are in baby's presence)

Baby Whisperer (Hogg). The Baby Whisperer is all about teaching your child to sleep well from the get go. She starts with a routine from early on and gives suggestions to help with sleep (along with lots of problem solving) for varying ages. You can read my review of The Baby Whisperer here, see lots of her methods here, and buy the book here.
Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight (West). West believes that sleep training often isn't easy and that crying can't always be prevent, but that you can coach your child through the process with your presence and encouragement She offers sleep tips for different ages and suggests starting her "sleep shuffle" around 6 months of age. You can buy her book here.
Touchpoints (Brazelton). Touchpoints offers different sleep tips for each age and developmental stage of baby's life (as well as many other tips). He teaches you about sleep patterns and the effect your response has on them. He offers tips on sleep training that focus around not rushing in, comforting your child while he tries to self-soothe, and CIO with checks. You can buy his book here.

Cry It Out

CIO with checks and comforting until baby is calm

Baby Sleep Solution aka 12 hours by 12 weeks (Giordano). Generally with this method, you will be checking in on baby every 3-5 minutes and staying with her until she is calm. You will continue your checks at this interval until she falls asleep or stops crying. Her sleep training methods start around 6-8 weeks (although you can start anytime up to 18 months). You can read my review of The Baby Sleep Solution here and buy it here.

CIO with checks

Babywise (Ezzo). Babywise isn't extremely specific about how to do sleep training. You can read my post about sleep training according to babywise for more. The emphasis of this book is more on feeds and routines. You can read my review of Babywise here and buy it here.
Complete Sleep Guide for Contented Babies and Toddlers (Gina Ford). Gina ford suggests different amounts of crying depending on your baby's age. She is a hard core scheduler which is a little too much for some people, but a relief for some people that just want to be told exactly what to do. She tells you exactly what to do for whatever sleep issue you are having. You can read my review of The Complete Sleep Guide here and buy it here.
Sleepeasy Solution (Waldburger, Spivak). This method can be started around 4 months of age and is what the authors call a "least cry" method. They believe their method helps teach a baby to sleep the quickest possible with the least amount of crying. Results are often dramatic in just a few days. You can buy it here.
Sleep Lady's Good Night, Sleep Tight (West). Generally, West encourages you to be in your child's presence during sleep training (see above). But once your child is falling asleep well or if your child is more stimulated by your presence, she suggests possibly doing checks with your child.
Sleeping Through The Night (Mindell). Mindell has a method somewhat smilar to Ferber, although she doesn't give you a specific interval to do the checks at. Her methods can be started after a few months of age. She also has many suggestions for newborns to encourage good sleep patterns. She is an easy read and gives you a good understanding of how sleep works. You can read my review of Sleeping Through the Night here and buy it here.
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems (Ferber). Ferber suggests letting your child cry at increasingly long intervals, which he specifies. He offers lots of information on sleep basics as well as ways to encourage your child to sleep outside of letting him CIO. You can read my review of Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems here and buy the book here.
Touchpoints (Brazelton). Touchpoints offers different sleep tips for each age and developmental stage of baby's life (as well as many other tips). He teaches you about sleep patterns and the effect your response has on them. He offers tips on sleep training that focus around not rushing in, comforting your child while he tries to self-soothe, and CIO with checks. You can buy his book here.

Extinction CIO (no checks)

Babywise (Ezzo). Babywise isn't extremely specific about how to do sleep training. You can read my post about sleep training according to babywise for more. The emphasis of this book is more on feeds and routines. You can read my review of Babywise here and buy it here.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child (Weissbluth). If you want a good understanding of sleep, you'll find it in this book. You'll also get lots of suggestions on how to help your child sleep better without crying. If needed, extinction cio is suggested. You can read my review on Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child here and buy it here.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins (Weissbluth). Same as above, but for twins. It is different enough from the original that if you have twins and have read his original book, you may want to pick this up (Don't worry, it's much shorter than the original!). You can buy it here.

Other books I've reviewed that include a little bit about sleep but it isn't the main topic:

Wonder Weeks (Vanderijt and Plooij) - No Cry. Sleep is full of lots of ups and downs--and many of them you can predict, almost to the day! You can read my review of The Wonder Weeks here and buy it here.
Bedtiming (Lewis and Granic) - Not for any particular approach. Find out when the best time is to sleep train your child and why. You can read my review of Bedtiming here and buy it here.
Happiest Baby on the Block (Karp) - No Cry. For the fussy infant, The Happiest Baby on the Block can be a lifesaver (for her and her parents!). You can read my review here and buy it here.

Luke and Jude 1 month

2013-04-03T00:30:00.000-06:00

You know how sometimes time goes so slowly, but it goes by quickly as well? This is one of those times. It's hard to believe a month has passed.

Routine
They are both still eating around 3 hours during day. They wake up for their feed about half the time (almost always on the 3 hour mark--it's amazing!) and Sharon wakes them up for a feed the other half of the time. Sometimes they'll wake up earlier than 3 hours, but so far it seems to be a sleep issue, not a hunger issues, and she is able to get them to go back to sleep with a little help. If they were hungry before 3 hours, she would feed them. She is following the PDF method and EWS routine and encourages full feeds. She mainly follows the baby whisperer's methods right now, although she isn't as worried about sleep props as the Hogg is. She does what she needs to do to ensure her babies get enough sleep and that she doesn't get too overwhelmed.

At night, they usually go 3 hours at first then she wakes them for a feed. After that, they usually sleep 5 hours (followed by a feed) then 4 hours then it is time to get up for the day. I know, pretty awesome for a month old, especially twins. About every other night one of the twins will have sleep difficulty at night. Sharon generally holds them or puts them in a swing (if it's Jude, Luke hates the swing right now) and they fall right back asleep. If they didn't fall back asleep easily, she'd consider that they were hungry and feed them, and the other twin, sooner than usual.

Eating
Eating is going well. Sharon got mastitis which made life pretty horrible for a few days. She took antibiotics which cleared it up (yes, I asked her if it was ok to mention this--we've been discussing these posts and what to write, she's just too busy to write them herself). She's also had issues with blocked ducts. If you've had those, you know they are pretty painful. A heating pad has turned out to be the most helpful thing for her with these.

The twins have both gained weight well, even a little above average (which is pretty normal for the nephews/nieces in my family whether breast or bottle fed). My sister's comment after we weighed them last was "who says you can't breastfeed a baby on a schedule and have them thrive--and I'm feeding two!" Exactly.

Sometimes they will get fussy during their bedtime and late evening feed. Usually offering a pacifier for a minute will calm them down then they'll eat.

Luke always takes longer to eat even though he is the lighter of the two twins. Shows you how different all babies are.

Sleeping
Jude is a better sleeper than Luke He settles more easily and stays asleep longer without help. But his digestive tract is also a bit more sensitive so you can't have it all :) Luke gets overstimulated more easily and swaddling seems to especially help him settle down before sleep--the tighter the better. Sharon uses a halo swaddler right now. It's been keeping them swaddled well most of the time and it's pretty quick to put on--important when you've got two you're trying to swaddle and get to sleep. She's also a fan of the miracle blanket. They sleep in the newborn rock and play sleeper much of the time still. This bed is pretty common for single babies, but I've found it is really common (and a bit of a life saver) for multiples.

Sharon isn't doing cluster feeding in the evening. Trying to fit that in with two babies while taking care of other children and dinner is too difficult. Neither baby has seemed to be hungry sooner (except for a few rare occasions) so she hasn't worried about it. She is sort of doing the DF around 10:30, although it is more like a normal feed than a sleepy feed.

Waketime Length
They're usually up as long as it takes Sharon to feed them, change their diapers and put them back to sleep. So like an hour. If one of them spits up all over his clothes (likely Jude!) or poops twice it takes longer. She'd like to consider waketimes more, but she can only move so quickly with two babies so she does the best she can.

Evening Fussies
Yes, they've got them, the evening fussies. Luke has especially gotten fussy the last couple weeks, although the fussiness level seems to vary from day to day. Sharon and her husband/friend/family member usually spend their evenings holding the babies from their bedtime (7:30 ish feed) to late evening (10:30 ish) feed. Sometimes they'll surprise her and sleep well during this time, but she doesn't count on it. If she's holding them, they will sleep OK. They often fall asleep for a few minutes, start to get fussy, are calmed back to sleep and repeat.

After the late evening (10:30) ish feed, they seem to go to sleep half the time and half the time one of them will be fussy and need some help for some time before going to sleep for his longest stretch of sleep at night.

How is mom doing?
Sharon's emotions have been doing pretty well. She's had a couple days where she started to feel pretty overwhelmed but overall it's been ok. She's tired, but she doesn't feel so tired that she's unable to function half decently. She tries to take a short nap or two a day when she can which helps tremendously. She's still pretty hesitant to leave the house by herself with all her kids. It's hard to manage a toddler and baby twins at once at home, but away from home is another story. Life right now is one cycle after another. Feed baby, change diaper, put to sleep, repeat. She's trying to enjoy her babies while they are little, but at the same time, she's a little excited for when this phase is over with :)

On a side note, she's found that the twins are much easier and less stressful for her than her first baby was. Not only was she a first time mom then (which is really stressful for many of us--myself included), but her oldest was a very difficult baby and always fought sleep. I'm mentioning this as a reminder that every baby is different and some are much harder to take care of than others, even if you are doing an amazing job (which, you likely are). Yes, your neighbor's child may sleep like an angel and always be smiling, but that doesn't mean your neighbor is doing anything better than you are with your sleep resisting, fussy newborn. Babies, parents, life situations etc are different, and that can make all the difference in the world.

You can check out Luke and Jude on Week 1 here.

Sleeping Through The Night - Jodi Mindell, Ph.D.

2013-03-28T00:30:00.000-06:00

I was pleasantly surprised when I read Sleeping Through the Night. I expected it to be really technical, full of lots of medial jargon and, well, badly written. This isn't to say that all psychologist, like Mindell, are boring and dry and all those who run a sleep clinic are overly technical-but it seems to be a bit of a trend I've noticed :)

This book was well organized, simple to understand, provided enough information about sleep basics without overwhelming you with too much detail, and, most importantly, it provided a lot of answers to the most common questions people have. There isn't much point to a sleep book if you read it and try the methods but find you have a hundred unanswerable questions. If you're looking for a book full of humor, you won't find it here, but Mindell's writing does flow well, is sympathetic and is easy to read.

Additionally she includes information about behavior management (which helps you understand why doing certain things to encourage sleep may or may not work), common child and adult sleep disorders and coping methods for those helping baby learn to sleep (who doesn't need coping techniques when they're listening to a baby cry?!).

What I really appreciate about her book is that she truly doesn't seem to be judgmental about parents choosing different methods to teach their children to sleep. Yes, she has her preferences, but she really seems open minded. She isn't one of those people that says "I'm OK if you do CIO....assuming you're mean enough to listen to your child cry, on the verge of death, in the dark for hours." OK, so no author has straight out said it this way, but some of them have pretty much conveyed this ;)

Mindell does feel strongly that sleep is important and she may make you feel guilty if you're not on the same page about this. She also isn't one to beat around the bush. She'll tell you like it is, even if it may make some people upset. For example, some people seem to be offended by her saying that if you let a child cry then cave in, you have not only just made the crying worse in the future, but you have just had your child cry for nothing. Not easy to hear, but really, it's the truth.

So what's her basic sleep training method?

Just like most sleep experts (and all sleep books worth reading), she recommends methods for setting your child up for good sleep. She has a few suggestions for the first 6 weeks, more suggestions from 6 weeks -3 months (which she believes is the best time to establish good sleep habits), and after this time, she offers her Basic Bedtime and Naptime Methods as solutions to sleep issues, if needed. These basically involve having your child on a good routine with some good sleep habits in place (like a bedtime routine and a good sleep environment) and then putting your child to bed awake rather than asleep. You then check on your child at intervals until they fall asleep. I don't really agree with her when she calls her method gentle, but if you are comparing it to extinction CIO where you never check on the child, I suppose it is. When done consistently, her Basic Bedtime/Naptime Methods are almost always effective. There is even research to back this up.

Have any of you tried her methods? What did you think? Did you have success?

Daylight Savings - Time to Jump Ahead!

2013-03-07T07:28:00.000-07:00

I really, really don't like daylight savings. I think it is still that we still have it, and I've seriously considered moving someone else, like Arizona, where they don't have this darn skipping back and forth each year. It was a little annoying when I was younger, but now that I've got kids, it's SUPER pesky!

Anyway, I haven't picked up and moved to Arizona yet, so I've got to deal with the "spring forward" (and, gulp, the "fall back" in 8ish months!) and most likely, you have to deal with it too so let's go ahead and have a chat about it. Maybe we'll both dislike it less afterwards :)

When is Day Light Savings?
This year, 2013, if you're in Canada or the US, you'll have to move your clock forward 1 hour on March 10. For my friends in Europe, you get to make the switch on March 31.

What are some of my options?
There are a few different things you can do with daylight savings depending on your child's current sleep schedule, your family's schedule etc.

Keep things the same. I've done this before with my kids. They were waking up around 7 and I thought 8 sounded pretty blissful and dreamy (don't we all!). We generally don't have any sort of events like public school that control our schedule so we can do this. And my kids sleep great doing a 7-7 or 8-8 routine. Well, it starts off around 8-8, but it usually moves at least 30 minutes earlier (how do they know!!) in a few weeks time. If you've got an early riser, then keeping things the same might help you out, although unless your child has problem with an early sleep phase, you'll probably have to adjust bedtime too so it isn't too late (and likely adding to the issue).
Move everything ahead 1 hour. This is what most people do. They've got school or work etc and they need their children's schedules to stay the same. For some kids, they also need it to stay the same because waking too late in the morning will end up causing sleep issues (especially if the morning wake up moves earlier and earlier and parents don't adjust bedtime). I don't know how they know, but light change or no light change, kids seem to know if they are waking or going to sleep early/late. I've traveled through time zones dozens of times with my kids and somehow, they know, EACH AND EVERY TIME.
Do something in the middle. This one is a bit self explanatory. If it works for you and your child(ren), then it's something to consider (especially because some kids will slowly wake up earlier and earlier as they get closer to the next time change).

How do I Spring Forward for Daylight Savings?

Lucky for you, this time of year is the easy one to work with. For most kids, it's really easy to move their whole schedule an hour later compared to moving it an hour earlier (early morning wake up, anyone?)

With either the full or partial spring forward, you can take it slowly or quickly.

With the quick change, you'll change all the clocks in your house the night before and get your child up at their regular time by the clock (so if they used to get up at 7 am, you get them up at 7 am, even though this is actually what used to be 6 am). Don't forget to turn your alarm clock on so you don't all sleep in! Most kids will adjust in 2-7 days and start to wake at the earlier time by themselves and be ready for bed at the new time. Some kids, and you'll figure this out as the years go by, will do better with slow change.

For those children who are really sensitive or have a hard time with any kind of routine change, you may want to take things more slowly. Wake your child up 5-15 minutes earlier every 1-3 days (you're probably ok making it earlier each day, but there are some really sensitive kids out there!). With most kids, you'll have great success adjusting their entire routine (meals and sleep) to the new morning wakeup time of the day. So if you move from 7:30 to 7:15, you'll do every activity of the day 15 minutes earlier, including bedtime. There are a few kids out there who have very strong internal clocks and get really stuck on their bedtime hour and have a hard time falling asleep if it is moved earlier. For these kids a few days usually makes all the difference.

I personally prefer making the change quickly. Not only do my kids do fine with a quick change, but if I can do things quicker and smoothly, I'll likely do that. Who wants to adjust things for a week(I've even heard of some people adjusting things over a whole month!) if you can do it successfully in 1 day. I definitely don't!

Remember, our children have strong internal clocks and much of this is controlled by their daily routine and by sunlight. So it's especially important during this transition that you keep to a normal daily routine (routine feeding and sleep times, in the least) and that you keep sleep times dark and have plenty of light and sun during waketimes, especially first thing in the morning.

Luke and Jude Week 1

2013-02-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

So Luke and Jude aren't my own babies, but seeing as how I'll likely never have twins and many of you have requested updates like this, I'll go ahead and do some every so often of my cute nephews. I make no promises about doing this consistently but I will do the best I can :)

Luke and Jude were born at 38.5 weeks (a touch late for twins) and were both a bit over 7 lbs. Now that is a lot of baby in one mommy! They have made it through the first week of their life in flying colors! And my sister Sharon is still in one piece (albeit, a tired piece!).

Routine
The twins have been eating around every 3 hours day and night (they've got a little longer at night a few times--woot!). She wakes them after 3 hours if they aren't up during the day (which is most of the time) and if they wake sooner than 3 hours, she feeds them. She's doing something similar to PDF feeds. She doesn't necessarily follow everything Babywise or Baby Whisperer (in fact, I guess she sort of follows me which means she follows a bit of everyone, haha), but she does like keeping babies, especially twins, on a EWS routine and she tries to encourage full feeds.

The number one advice you'll probably hear about newborn twins is to get them on the same routine, otherwise you'll have zero rest night and day. If you've had twins, you are probably vigorously nodding your head YES! Her babies have done great eating around every 3 hours, but most twins (especially because they are often born early) will have to eat more often.

Eating
Sharon is breastfeeding the twins which is going really well. She's been using brest friend nursing pillow which has made nursing them a whole lot easier. This was a life saver for me with newborns too. We checked their weight on day 5 and they're both over their birth weight. Way to go milk!

She started off feeding them one at a time. Obviously this isn't ideal because it gives mommy much less of a break between feeds, (especially at night!), but it was helpful at first as she and the babies adjusted to breastfeeding and as her milk came. Luckily, the twins have both been pretty good at staying awake for feeds otherwise she'd really have a struggle on her hands! On day 5 she switched to feeding them at the same time in a football hold. She has a little assembly line of burping and feeding going on.

Sleeping
Luke and Jude have done pretty well with sleep. They are both still in the sleepy honeymoon period. They still have a difficult time with sleep every now and again and I swear they've got some kind of sneaky plan to switch back and forth for each nap and night so mommy never gets a break! Right now they sleep swaddled and go back and forth between a bouncy chair, rock and play sleeper, the crib, swing (this is my favorite one-luckily we both already had one so she's got two as back up) and when needed, her arms or a baby wrap. She generally swaddles them after a feed, snuggles with them for a minute then puts them down and off to sleep they go (if they aren't already fast asleep). She isn't obsessing too much about having a perfect sleep routine--she's just trying to make it through the day right now. If they are having a hard time settling to sleep or wake early from a nap, she'll try to help them go back to sleep for a few minutes and if that doesn't work, she'll plop them into the swing or a carrier.

At night they started off eating about every 3 hours but now for their last stretch of sleep they go a bit longer than that (yeah!).

Waketime Length
They both pretty much eat, stay awake for a couple minutes, then fall back asleep. No issue here.

Company
Even if I'm over and the babies are sleeping pretty well, Sharon says that it is still extremely helpful to have the company and support. She has lots of help from her husband, of course, but it's always nice to have someone extra to talk to when you are at home with babies (and a toddler) all day. Sharon and I had our last babies around the same time and the number one thing that helped me was company (ok, I really like it when people brought dinner too!). Of course, I've had post-partum depression issues in the past so I think company may be a bit more important to my mental health than it is to some people.

Crying
I was very worried when my first baby, Joshua, cried (which he did ALOT because he was colicky). Some people out there make you feel like you are going to destroy your child if he cries for even a second. I was telling my dad about my worries and he told me that with me and my sister Ruth (we're twins) one of us was often crying for a few minutes here or there. You can only do so much at once by yourself (with a single baby, but especially with twins), and unless you are really lucky and have some extra help*, you are often going to be by yourself. So that means one twin may be crying while you're feeding the other or one is crying while you're changing the other's diaper (or they both are!) . You get my point. Babies cry sometimes. And they'll be just fine.

*of course, if you are Suzy Giordano, you think all american have a maid and cook and 2 nannies--um, yes please, but not likely! That snippet from her book had me laughing hysterically. What pool of americans has she met!? Not the ones I've spent my time around, that's for sure.

Recipe
Here's a recipe I made this week for Sharon (and me:) that is great for moms who need a healthy energy pick me up.

Nucato
3 cups honey
2 1/4 lbs almonds or walnuts
2 tsp ground ginger
2 shakes black pepper
2 rounded tsp cinnamon
2/3 tsp cloves
1/2 lemon for spreading mixture (although it works ok without this)

Bring honey to a boil, skimming off impurities that rise to surface. Mix spices together in a bowl. Coarsely chop nuts. Add nuts to honey mixture along with 1 tsp spice mixture. Now it's time to turn on Downton Abby or 30 Rock because you've got a whole lot of waiting and stirring! Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, for 30-40 minutes. It is done when the nuts start to pop (this has never happened for me so I just cook for 40 minutes). Stir in the remaining spice mixture and pour it all out onto a cookie sheet lined with wax paper (you may want to spray the wax paper with pam). Spread it into an even layer with the cut surface of a halved lemon or spatula. Cool. Cut and serve.

Average Sleep Charts by Age

2013-02-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

I couldn't fit all this stuff on one chart so you get two instead :) You can also find the averages just by month in the sleep by ages section as well as charts split up by subject.

All charts below are based on optimal amounts for a well-rested child, not what is necessarily common (since many children sleep less and wake more frequently than what I would consider ideal). I realize that these averages vary from what some other sources say-- I'm sorry we can't all agree! I've come up with these averages after working with lots of babies and parents and after much research. Hopefully they will be a source of help and not a source of stress!

Remember, everything is an average and should only be used as a reference point—your child is a unique little person. Also, all averages are done with the assumption that your child is healthy and growing well and was born around his due date (those with children under 2 should use adjusted age). These charts are just suggestions, your pediatrician should always be consulted in all things regarding your child’s health.

You can find the charts (for easy printing) HERE.

Sleep Averages from Birth to 8 months

	Birth-6 weeks	2 mths	3 mths	4 mths	5 mths	6 mths	7 mths	8 mths
Waketime	45-60 minutes	1 hour	1-1.5 hours	1.25-1.75 hours	1.5-2.25 hours	2-2.5 hours	2.25-2.75 hours	2.25-3 hours
Total Sleep Per 24 hours	16-18 hours	15.5-18 hours	15.5-18 hours	14.5-16.5 hours	14-16 hours	14-15.5 hours	14-15.5 hours	14-15.5 hours
Total Night Sleep *	9-12 hours	9-12 hours	10-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours
Total Daily Sleep	4-8 hours	4-8 hours	4-7 hours	3-7 hours	3-5 hours	3-5 hours	3-5 hours	3-5 hours
Number of Naps	4+	4+	4+	3-4	3	2-3	2-3	2-3
Max daily sleep*	Avoid naps >2 hours	Avoid naps >2 hours	Avoid naps >2 hours	4.5 hours	4 hours	3.5 hours	3.5 hours	3.25 hours
Naps Dropped?	Varies	Varies	4 to 3 naps by 3-5 mths	4 to 3 naps by 3-5 mths	4 to 3 naps by 3-5 mths	3 to 2 naps by 6-9 mths	3 to 2 naps by 6-9 mths	3 to 2 naps by 6-9 mths
End Naps by:	Avoid naps >2-2.5 hours each	Avoid naps >2-2.5 hours each	5-5:30 pm	4:30-5 pm	4:30-5 pm	4:30-5 pm	4:30-5 pm	4 pm
Ideal bedtime?	Varies: 7-11 pm	Varies: 7-10 pm	Varies: 7-10 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm
Longest stretch of night sleep	Baby eats every 2-5 hours	5 + fingers crossed!	5-10 hours (some will sleep more)	8-12 hours	8-12 hours	8-12 hours	8-12 hours	8-12 hours
Number of night feeds*	Baby eats every 2-5 hours	1-3 feeds	1-2 feeds	1 feed	0-1 feeds	0-1 feeds	0-1 feeds	0-1 feeds

Sleep Averages from 9 months to 4 years

	9 mths	1 0 mths	11 mths	12 mths	12-18 mths	18-24 mths	2-3 yrs	3-4 yrs
Waketime	2.5-3 hours	3-3.5 hours	3-4 hours	3-4 hours	3-4 hrs (2 naps), 4.5-6 hrs before nap (1 nap)	5-6 hrs before nap	5.5-7 hrs before nap	6-8 hrs (before nap)
Total Sleep Per 24 hours	14-15 hours	14-15 hours	14-15 hours	13.5-14 hours	13.5-14 hours	12-14 hours	12-14 hours	11-14 hours
Total Night Sleep *	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours
Total Daily Sleep	2.5-4 hours	2.5-4 hours	2.5-4 hours	2-4 hours	1.5-4 hours	1.5-3 hours	1.5-3 hours	0-2 hours
Number of Naps	2	2	2	2	1-2	1-2	0-1 (ideally 1)	0-1
Max daily sleep*	3 hours	3 hours	3 hours	3 hours	3 hours	2 hours	2 hours	0-2 hours
Naps Dropped?	3 to 2 naps by 6-9 months	Not usually	Not usually	Not usually	2 to 1 nap by 14-18 months	2 to 1 nap by 14-18 months	Ideally, 1 nap still	1 to 0 naps by 3-4 yrs (some keep it longer)
End Naps by:	4 pm	4 pm	4 pm	4 pm	4 pm	4 pm	3-4 pm	3-4 pm
Ideal bedtime?	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	6-8 pm	7-8 pm
Longest stretch of night sleep	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours	11-12 hours
Number of night feeds*	0 feeds	0 feeds	0 feeds	0 feeds	0 feeds	0 feeds	0 feeds	0 feeds

Some extra info to help you out with the charts above (especially all the *):

Total Night Sleep – There may also be feeds during this time

Max Daily Sleep – Don’t worry too much about this unless you have a newborn of if you suspect too much day sleep is a cause of night issues.

Day Sleep - Day sleep is quite variable. I try to aim for naps that last at least 1.5 hours (not including the last nap of the day if on more than 1 nap) but as most of you know, there are quite a few cat nappers out there. If you are able to get at least 1 hour naps, that's great. Cat nappers often need more naps, more often and end up with a bit less day sleep overall (early bedtime anyone?). I generally suggest keeping naps 2 hours and under after the newborn period unless it is the only nap of the day. You can find more about naps (including individual naps) in the nap index.

Naps - The last nap of the day is often a catnap (super short) before it is dropped for good. These nap times are averages—your child may drop slightly sooner or keep a nap slightly longer. Find out more about dropping naps here and here.

End naps by - To preserve night sleep and allow for an early bedtime hour, you don’t want naps to go too late. With all things sleep, these averages are just a guideline. You’ll need to use some trial and error. If your child is struggling falling asleep at bed or is having night wakings—the timing of this last nap might be an issue.

Bedtime - Most young children sleep best if they are on a routine like 7am-7 pm (give or take a bit, of course). Some children will be OK with a shift in their entire routine—say 8 am-8 pm. Most (like 90%) will either be overtired with this, have extra night wakings or wake extra early in the morning.

Night Wakings/Feeds – Night feeds are from about 7 pm-7 am, not including the 7am/7pm feeds. How many and how long to do night feeds is VERY debatable. Some people suggest stopping all night feeds by 12 weeks and others suggest keeping multiple night feeds for years. I’ve come up with this list after working with hundreds of parents (possibly thousands at this point) over the years and after talking to some pediatricians. I haven’t met a healthy, well growing baby yet that can’t happily have all night feeds dropped by 9 months (often before) so I feel confident drawing the line here. A couple of the pediatricians thought I was even being too generous with this age :) Learn more about when to expect a child to sleep through the night (and how I define sttn) here.

Related Posts:

How long should baby stay up?

Nap Index (all about naps)

Total Sleep - What's Average?

When and How to drop a nap and facts about dropping naps

When will my child start sleeping through the night?

Average Sleep Charts - from Newborn to Preschooler

2013-02-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

I thought these charts might make things a bit easier for you. I hope you like them--because they took a long time to make! I've been neglecting my poor kids all day for these, people :) I also have some age specific ones you can find here as well as in the sleep by age section. You can also find these charts on the individual subject posts.

All charts below are based on optimal amounts for a well-rested child, not what is necessarily common (since many children sleep less and wake more frequently than what I would consider ideal). I realize that these averages vary from what some other sources say-- I'm sorry we can't all agree! I've come up with these averages after working with lots of babies and parents and after much research. Hopefully they will be a source of help and not a source of stress!

Remember, everything is an average and should only be used as a reference point—your child is a unique little squishy! Also, all averages are done with the assumption that your child is healthy and growing well and was born around his due date (those with children under 2 should use adjusted age). These charts are just suggestions, your pediatrician should always be consulted in all things regarding your child’s health.

You can find the charts (for easy printing) HERE. I know, cool, huh?

How long should baby stay awake?

Age	Waketime Length
Birth - 6 weeks	45-60 minutes
2 months	1 hour
3 months	1-1.5 hours
4 months	1.25-1.75 hours
5 months	1.5-2.25 hours
6 months	2-2.5 hours
7 months	2.25-2.75 hours
8 months	2.25-3 hours
9 months	2.5-3 hours
10 months	3-3.5 hours
11 months	3-4 hours
12 months	3-4 hours
12-18 months (2 naps)	3-4 hours
12- 18 months (1 nap)	4.5-6 hours (before nap)
18-24 months (1 nap)	5-6 hours (before nap)
2-3 years (1 nap)	5.5-7 hours (before nap)
3-4 years (1 nap)	6-8 hours (before nap)

Why don't friends with kids have time?

2013-02-12T07:30:00.000-07:00

You know, the thing about having kids is that it's hard to know where all the time actually goes. Diapers and feeding and cold coffee and shopping and laundry--boom, suddenly 24 hours goes by. On the other-hand, sometimes, like with a difficult toddler, it's hard to know where all the extra time is coming from! If someone asked me this question (assuming it wasn't my husband bc the result of that would not be so good--or quiet) I'm not even sure I'd be able to sum up where all that time went, but Carolyn does a pretty good job at it.

{Unless you have super human eyes, you'll need to click on the image to enlarge}

Nap	Average Age Dropped
From 4 to 3 naps	3-5 months
From 3 to 2 naps	6-9 months
From 2 to 1 naps	14-18 months
From 1 to 0 naps	3-4 years (is often dropped at 2 years of age, but is usually still needed for optimum development and a happy mood)

Age	Night Sleep
Birth - 6 weeks	9-12 hours
2 months	9-12 hours
3 months	10-12 hours
4 months	11-12 hours
5 months	11-12 hours
6 months	11-12 hours
7 months	11-12 hours
8 months	11-12 hours
9 months	11-12 hours
10 months	11-12 hours
11 months	11-12 hours
12 months	11-12 hours
12-18 months	11-12 hours
18-24 months	11-12 hours
2-3 years	11-12 hours
3-4 years	11-12 hours

Age	To preserve night sleep and and early bedtime hour, end all naps by:
Birth - 6 weeks	Avoid naps >2-2.5 hours each and monitor waketimes
2 months	Avoid naps >2-2.5 hours each and monitor waketimes
3 months	5-5:30 pm
4 months	4:30-5 pm
5 months	4:30-5 pm
6 months	4:30-5 pm
7 months	4:30-5 pm
8 months	4 pm
9 months	4 pm
10 months	4 pm
11 months	4 pm
12 months	4 pm
12-18 months	4 pm
18-24 months	4 pm
2-3 years	3-4 pm
3-4 years	3-4 pm

Age	Ideal Bedtime
Birth - 6 weeks	Variable: 7-11 pm
2 months	Variable: 7-10 pm
3 months	Variable: 7-10 pm
4 months	6-8 pm
5 months	6-8 pm
6 months	6-8 pm
7 months	6-8 pm
8 months	6-8 pm
9 months	6-8 pm
10 months	6-8 pm
11 months	6-8 pm
12 months	6-8 pm
12-18 months	6-8 pm
18-24 months	6-8 pm
2-3 years	6-8 pm
3-4 years	7-8 pm
4-10 years	7-8:30 pm

Age	How many hours straight at night (longest stretch—others may be shorter)?	How many night feeds? (from 7pm-7am, not including the 7 am/7pm feeds)
Birth - 6 weeks	Baby eats every 2-5 hours	Lots! Baby eats every 2-5 hours
2 months	5 + (fingers crossed!)	1-3 feeds
3 months	5-10 hours (some babies will sleep more)	1-2 feeds
4 months	8-12 hours	0-1 feeds
5 months	8-12 hours	0-1 feeds
6 months	8-12 hours	0-1 feeds
7 months	8-12 hours	0-1 feeds
8 months	8-12 hours	0-1 feeds
9 months	11-12 hours	0 feeds
10 months	11-12 hours	0 feeds
11 months	11-12 hours	0 feeds
12 months	11-12 hours	0 feeds
12-18 months	It’s time to stop feeding at night J	0 feeds
18-24 months	It’s REALLY time to stop feeding at night J	0 feeds