Today is the 5 Minute Friday over at Lisa-Jo’s place.  It’s a day where we get to play with words.  We write in just 5 minutes, without worrying about perfection.  No editing.  No backtracking. Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Today’s Prompt:  Grit

Ready…Set…Go!

It was a few years ago.  I was hanging out with some girlfriends after church.  I remember we were discussing our current circumstances, that path that God had us on.  I remember telling my friends that even though I didn’t understand my current situation, I knew that  God was at work.  I was trusting Him for a good outcome.  At that moment, one of my friends turned to me and said, “Girl, you’ve got grit!”

As anyone would who didn’t understand the meaning of the word in the moment, I smiled and said “thank you”.

Grit. It’s like sand.  Or a small granule, small enough to slip through fingers.  But at the same time, it means “firmness of mind or spirit; unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger”.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”  (Joshua 1:9)

When times are tough, do you ever find yourself “gritting your teeth”, as if to hold your tongue, for fear you might speak something out of your mouth to change the outcome of your current circumstance?  I know I have.  It’s my “I am standing firm in the face of danger” face. I will not not be moved.

I want to have more grit in my life.  Not the grainy kind that slips through fingers.  But the firm, steadfast, unwavering kind that stands firm, no matter what.  He is the Rock.  And I am the grit.  Together, we are a perfect pair!

How’s your grit?

Stop.

Do you want to play along?  Here’s how:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & leave an encouraging comment.

© Jane - Fotolia.com

I began reading this book today.  Can I just tell you that God is doing another deep work in my heart.  I am not sure I was prepared for it.  I mean, when I signed up to review the book (which will come later), I knew it was going to move me, but I didn’t realize the layers of skin that would be peeled off, revealing a raw, aching heart, longing to belong.  Longing to be enough.  Longing to make Him and others proud.

Just tonight as I was winding down catching up on my favorite blogs, I came across Kimberly’s post, about not finding our worth in how others see us.  And Nikki’s post about fearing that we aren’t enough.  And I knew that I had to sit down and process the thoughts swirling around in my own head.  I had to face this fear of not measuring up, of not being enough, head on.

Confession time…..

Most days, I do not feel good enough.

I don’t feel like a good mom.
I don’t feel like a good wife.
I don’t feel like a good friend.
I don’t feel like a good writer.

One common thread I notice here is that I don’t feel……

I am basing my self worth, my value, on my feelings.  Am I good enough?  This is not a question that can or should be answered based on how I am feeling in the moment.  I have hard days.  I have days where I fall short.  I have days where I yell at my kids, or discourage my husband.  And then the feelings come.  Those scheming lies full of nothing but guilt and shame.  They lie and tell me that I am less than, that I will never be good enough.  Some days, I wish I didn’t feel anything.  I seem to constantly be in a battle between emotions based on feelings and believing the truth of who God says that I am.  God gave me my emotions.  But He is to be Lord over my mind, will AND emotions!  Will I trust my emotions to tell me of my worth, or will I believe that IN Christ, I AM good enough? 

I was created in His image, full of promise and purpose.  But when I consistently tell myself that I am not good enough, I am telling God that what He created is less than perfect.  So then the ole cliche phrase, “be patient, God isn’t finished with me yet” takes on a whole new meaning.  For me, it’s not about growing up in spiritual maturity, but it’s about, “oh, thank goodness He’s got more work to do in me so that I will be better, do better, and feel better about myself”.

The truth is, I will never be good enough.  In and of myself, I can do nothing.

My love for my husband and children is not good enough.  But His love in me is enough.
My words of encouragement to others are not good enough.  But His words in me are enough.
My light in a dark world is not good enough.  But His light in me is enough.

I am a weak vessel.  But I can draw strength from the source.  The One who draws near to me, when I draw near to Him.  He has called me to abide.  To remain in Him, so that He will remain in me.  And so I come, in my weakness, in my filthy rags.  I come with dirty hands that have become scarred and worn from trying and working so hard to fit myself into a mold.  But this being good enough, it’s not about working.  It’s not about doing.  It’s about being.  It’s about realizing that only IN HIM will I ever be good enough.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.  (John 15:5)

I am good enough because He choose me before the foundations of the world.
I am good enough because He called me His own.
I am good enough because He is strength when I am weak.
I am good enough because He is light in my darkness.
I am good enough because He equips those He calls.
I am only good enough because I said Yes to His will and to His ways.

Am I good enough?

I am striving to believe this truth.  How about you?

I love worship music.  Several years ago, when I first stepped into the renewal, it was Vineyard Music that draw me into the presence of the Lord.  I loved the diversity of styles and the lyrics that breathed fresh life on my heart.  The intimacy I found within this music was something I had never encountered before.  It’s been a while since I purchased a new Vineyard album, so I was thrilled to be given the opportunity to review one of their newest albums:

I Love Your Presence

From the website:  I Love Your Presence was  recorded live at the Burn Bright: Worship and The Kingdom Of God conference, hosted by Vineyard Worship. Several hundred worship leaders and worshippers gathered in the Arizona desert to explore the nature of God’s kingdom through music and teaching with some of the Vineyard’s most gifted communicators and musicians. This inspiring collection of songs recorded live at the The Vineyard Church North Phoenix will immerse listeners in the powerful worship that was the highlight of the event. I LOVE YOUR PRESENCE reminds us to not just think of worship as singing songs, but also laying down our lives for Him.

Although this is a live album, it felt very intimate to me.  Many of the songs on this album I am already familiar with, having heard them recorded on earlier Vineyard albums, or by other artists.  So I was immediately drawn into the presence of the Lord as I was able to join right in with the worship.  My favorite songs on the album are I lift My Eyes Up, which is based on Psalm 121 (one of my favorite Psalms) and Invitacion Fountain, which is about coming to God in our weakness, following Him wherever He calls us.

I am pleased to offer one of my readers a digital download of this beautiful worship album.  You must be a current subscriber in order to enter.  Beyond that, all you have to do is leave me a comment and tell me what your favorite worship song is.  This giveaway will end at 10pm on Monday, February 27th.  The winner will be announced on my blog on Tuesday, February 28th.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Joy Dare – Week 7

The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!  ~Henry Ward Beecher

133.  Raw honesty of friends.
134.  A grieving heart that is pulled closer to the Lord.
135.  An extra long weekend.
136.  A shiny quarter found on a muddy trail.
137.  The prayer covering of friends I’ve never met.
138.  Laughter.
139.  Slowing down.
140.  A lovely Valentines dinner with my sweetheart.
141.  Watching my two oldest children grow into God-fearing, beautiful adults.
142.  For this book that I get the privilege of reading and reviewing soon on my blog.
143.  Freshly mopped floors.
144.  His overwhelming peace.
145.  A handy-man husband who can fix just about anything.
146.  Warm, buttery pancakes.
147.  The gift of K-Cups for my Keurig from a friend.
148.  Time to relax and recharge.
149.  That He loves me, despite my faults.
150.  A visit with my aunt, who I haven’t seen for three years.
151.  Friends who text, “I’m thinking of you”.
152.  Feeling insignificant, but knowing He is all I need.
153.  Standing on His Word that heals all my disease.

I am linking up with Ann over at A Holy Experience today as we count our gifts to 1000 and beyond!  Will you join me there?  Or simply leave a comment below and tell me three things you are thankful for today!

© Mele Avery - Fotolia.com

For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.  (Psalm 107:9)

This week, as I continue on my journey of learning to eat healthier, I know that God is with me.  He promises to satisfy me and fill me with good things.  I am determined this week to allow Him to fill me with the truth of His Word, and not give in to the schemes of the enemy.  He is the bread of life, the only One who satisfies.

I would love for you to join me for Fresh Brewed Sundays.  This is where we share a simple scripture with simple insight.  No heavy words necessary.  Feel free to use the button in your post and link up below!

Today we are sharing our thoughts on Chapter 6 of Made to Crave.  If you wrote a post, will you link up here so that we can encourage one another on our journey?  (*I am having a little trouble with the linky code, but will hopefully have that worked out soon.  So be sure to check back!)

This chapter struck a deep chord in my heart.  I realized early on that this was about so much more than losing weight.  My relationship with Christ is really at the root of it all.  He desires that I come closer to Him through this journey.  But some days, I feel so far away.

How do I grow closer to God on this journey?

There are things I can do every day that will bring me closer — praying, reading my Bible, praise and worship, going to church.  And although these are all good things that please God’s heart, they will not bring me one inch closer to Him.  It’s how I choose to posture my heart before Him.  I can come, kneeling before Him, yet I can choose to hang on to all my stuff — my struggles with overeating, the negative emotions that set me off, my lack of motivation, etc.  Or, I can come, posturing myself in the lowest position possible with empty hands and an eager heart to receive.  And I can make myself vulnerable and be willing to give some things up in return.

When posed the question of how one is to get closer to God while at a conference, Lysa answered:

“By making the choice to deny ourselves something that is permissible but not beneficial.  And making this intentional sacrifice for the sole purpose of growing closer to God.  After all, Jesus Himself said, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me’.  (Luke 9:23).”

Denying myself.

My attempts to give up refined sugars over the last two weeks have failed miserably.  I could give you a few reasons as to why, but I can also tell you that I don’t think I am any deeper in my relationship with God than I was last week.  There is too much of “me” in this equation.  I must be willing to die to myself — my wants, needs and selfish desires for temporary fulfillment, allowing God to draw closer as I empty myself  before Him.  Then, and only then, will I truly find the strength to give up those things that my heart desires.  I must learn to go without while telling myself “no” as I learn to make wiser choices, each and every day.  It’s about living a life of self control.

A life of self control can only be achieved in partnership with the Holy Spirit.

He is the One who whispers to my heart when I consistently make bad choices.  Yet, it grieves me to think that sometimes I simply do not hear Him.  My voice has become so loud that it has actually drowned out the voice of the Lord at times.  And I’ve given in to selfish desires and temporary pleasures as I’ve listened to excuse after excuse as to why I should indulge.  Forgive me Lord!

“So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.”
(Galatians 5:16)

I must be willing to walk away when the Holy Spirit nudges me and says, “That food choice is permissible but not beneficial — so don’t eat it.”  This does not mean that food is sinful.  But the enemy holds food in front of me, constantly telling me that I will never be free from this battle, that I will always battle the emotions that cause me to make poor choices, and that I will never lose weight.  So I might as well eat!  When I choose to listen to the liar instead of the Spirit of God, I move into a place of defeat and give in to sinful pleasures — those things that are not beneficial.

I am so thankful I serve a loving and compassionate God who understands my weaknesses.  He knows and understands my battle with food and my emotions.  When I partner with Him, He brings strength for the victory.  I never want to allow my issues with food to hold me back from the calling the Lord has on my life.

About 3 years ago, when I was about 40lbs lighter, I led a praise dance team at church.  I have never had any formal dance training.  But I would choreograph beautiful dances that adults and children would perform during special services.  Dancing made me feel so free before the Lord.  One of the reasons I don’t dance today is that my body hurts too much to dance.  And, I don’t like how I look in my dance attire.  But what if God has called me to dance?  And what if I am allowing food to get in the way of that calling?

How about you?  Are your issues with food keeping you from doing something God has called you to do or gifted you in?  Are you ready to continue this journey?  Let’s ask God for the courage to deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Him, each and every day!

Be sure and stop by Venessa’s blog to encourage her!

Weekly Check-In
Starting Weight:  200.6
Today’s Weight:  200.6
First Goal:  175

No weight loss this week, but no gain either.  I’ve had an emotional week.  And to top things off, I will be going in for an Endometrial biopsy on Friday morning, due to some issues I’ve been having.  I am standing in peace and believing it’s nothing more than a hormonal imbalance.  But your prayers would be appreciated!

I am excited, humbled and honored to be sharing at (in)courage today!  Through following the blogs of women like Bonnie, Ann and Jennifer (just to name a few), I stumbled upon a community of faith-filled, joy-filled and inspiring women.  I found out how quickly my heart connected, as their words resonated and breathed life into my spirit.  I come here daily to this site, to drink deeply and to be encouraged to be who God created me to be.

Today I am sharing about reaching for God’s fullness.  Here is a little teaser:

In our fast-paced world, we are always reaching for something.  Reaching for significance.  Reaching for success.  Reaching for position.  Reaching for love.  All of these things are good.  But I have found myself asking this question: Am I reaching for the One who can give me everything that I desire?  I go through seasons in my life where I become comfortable with the current state of my heart, comfortable with where I have “arrived”.  And in those times, I forget to reach.  I forget to lay hold of that which is yet to be.  I forget to strive for the greater potential.  When I find myself here in this place, I must call it for what it is — complacency.

Will you head over to (in)courage to read the rest of my post?  And, if you haven’t already bookmarked the site, you will want to be sure you do.  It’s a great place to come and drink deeply of God’s richness.

Today I am linking up with The Gypsy Mama for the Five Minute Friday.  This playing with words has been so good for my heart.  We write for just 5 minutes.  No editing.  No backtracking. No worrying about whether it’s perfect or right.  Just words freely flowing from my heart to yours.

Today’s Prompt:  Delight

Ready…Set…Go!

Do I dare believe that the God of the universe delights in me?

How can a holy God, pure and spotless take pleasure in someone who is scared and made imperfect by sin?

But He does.  He rejoices over me with singing.  He dances over me with joy.

He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”  (Zephaniah 3:17)

Do I delight in Him?  My heart says “yes”, even though my actions at times may fail.  I want Him to be my one and only pleasure.  The fulfillment that I seek beyond anything this world has to offer.

I delight in Him.

And when I delight in Him, He promises to give to me the desires of my heart.  Not my own, selfish desires, but those desires that come from a life of surrender and abandonment.  For when I fully delight in Him, His desires become my desires.

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  (Psalm 37:4)

He desires me.

His desire is for me.  He longs to be with me.  He takes pleasure in my company.

I will take pleasure in the goodness of the Lord.  I will delight myself in Him.

I belong to my lover, and his desire is for me.  (Song of Solomon 7:10)

Stop.

*Scripture references added after the timer dinged.

Do you want to play along?  Here’s how:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & leave an encouraging comment.

© Yanterric - Fotolia.com

There are days when I am driven to my knees in prayer.  Moments when I am overcome by my tremendous lack and my intense desire and need for more of Him.  And as I lay there, baring my soul, He is faithful to come, showering me with His grace, mercy and forgiveness, overwhelming me by His love.  Yet I am weak.  I am vulnerable.  And I hold back, choosing to give just half of my heart to Him while trying to hold on to the other half.

Why do I sometimes want to keep pieces of my heart from Him?  As if He cannot see what already is hidden deep beneath the surface.

Shame.  Unforgiveness.  Pride.  Selfishness.  Worry.  Anxiety.

But then He asks, “Do you trust Me”?  And my heart is grieved as I realize I have not fully come to a place of trust, a place where I can be fully vulnerable before Him.

For to give myself completely to the Lord is to allow myself to be laid bare before Him.  Taking off everything that I thought I was and laying myself naked at the foot of the cross.  And once I am fully exposed, I leave myself open to being wounded, offended or hurt.  To allow Him to love me is to make myself vulnerable.  For to love is to risk.

“Do you trust me?”  Abandoning all into His capable hands.  Will I get hurt?  Possibly.  But His thoughts are higher than mine.  His ways greater.  And I am weak, but He is strong.  Yet it is my voluntary weakness, the act of saying, “Yes, Lord, I trust You”, even when I cannot see, that drives me deeper into His presence.  Even when I cannot feel Him. Even when others point fingers and cast judgment.  Even when I stare at my filthy rags in the mirror.  When I allow myself to be vulnerable, trusting Him in my weakness, He changes me from the inside out.  

He promises to give me beauty for ashes.  This giving of my heart away to the only One I can trust to take care of it is not a one time act.  It’s a moment by moment giving of myself.  A constant state of self denial.  A movement towards becoming more like Him.

For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever.  Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love.  For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.  (Lamentations 3:31-33)

Thank you Lord, that you take my weak and vulnerable heart and are making it something beautiful.

I am so excited to have Nikki of Simplystriving guest posting today!  Nikki is my February Inspired Blogger.  She has a contagious heart for the Lord.  I hope you will pop over to Nikki’s blog and say hello, if you haven’t already.

© Netfalls - Fotolia.com

The full moon hangs heavy on the horizon.  It burns amber, gleaming through the thin clouds trying to conceal its beauty. My breath escapes me as I wind around the lake, its reflection setting the water’s surface ablaze.  I’m completely captivated as I realize,

The very God that hung this moon
Whose hand spun it into orbit
is jealous for me.

The story in Exodus is still fresh in my mind.  The Israelites being led to the Promised Land.  They were God’s chosen people.  It seems understandable — Jehovah being jealous over idols they couldn’t give up.  And I breeze easily over the verses.

“You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods.”  (Exodus 20:5 NLT)

Whenever I’m feeling too stubborn for my own skin, I think of them.  Of these people who were lavished upon.  Provided for.  Healed simply by asking.  Who were promised a better life.  Ones who saw God’s miraculous deeds daily.  Yet God had to swoon them to gain their love, to show them who He really was.  Yes.  Completely understandable.  I’d be jealous, too.

It was my reading the following day that stopped me dead in my tracks.

“You must worship no other gods, for the Lord, whose very name is Jealous, is a God who is jealous about His relationship with you.” (Exodus 34:14 NLT)

I finally had to accept it. For God’s name, El Qanna, wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for all people.  For Israelites.  For Egyptians.  For you.  For me.  And my heart warms from another example.

Oh, how He loves us.
Passionately.

He desires us so much He gets jealous when something comes before our relationship with Him.  He wants us. Desperately.  I don’t know about you, but I kinda like it.  Being loved liked that.

Friends, I want to love Him like that.  For I need Him.  Desperately.  And I can spend this life, admiring the view, learning to love Him jealously.  Oh yes, He’s worthy of love like that.

So I ask myself:  Is anything obstructing me from the relationship He wants with me?  What are my idols?  I’m not a frilly girl.  I’m perfectly content with what I’ve been blessed with.  If He asked me to give up any possessions tomorrow, I can’t think of one I’d have a hard time handing over.

Except maybe…my mind travels down the list of possible suspects:

• The internet/convenience
• My family
• Certain foods
• The feeling of acceptance

My heart hurts to think I could be making my Redeemer jealous.
He deserves so much better than me.

But it’s me He wants.   And I’ll do what it takes to make sure He gets me.  I will keep striving to ensure He’s my first love. My top priority. I can love Him like that. Can you?

How about you?  Are you making Him jealous?  What idols are you harboring?  He deserves you, too.  Let’s strive to keep Him above all else together.

Thanks for sharing your time with me. And thank you, Barbie, for allowing me to share my heart here.  You bless me so.

*     *     *

Nikki is a loved wife, blessed mom, mere child saved by grace who strives daily to live like she deserves it.  Before she was blessed with her role as a mother, her favorite jobs included teaching piano and working in interior design.  She has a hard time saying no to peanut butter and chocolate and if you meet for coffee, a chai tea latte will be in her cup.  She journals her thoughts on a blog titled Simplystriving.  There you will find her journey of seeking joy in the everyday while simply striving to become all that God has made her to be.  You can find her fun tips and tricks from decorating to time management on her Facebook Page. If you’d like to keep apprised of her daily comings and goings, you may follower her on Twitter.