When was the last time you picked up the phone and pitched your prospect on the benefits of your product and service?  And not in some half assed, kind of way. But with confidence, enthusiasm and the mindset that you already have their business!

When was the last time you closed the deal?

In an era where Seth Godin is a demi-God and Gary Vee makes more money than some small countries. In an age where  permission marketing  is the holy grail, whilst interruption marketing  -  the original sin. When was the last time you just went for that sale, all guns blazing. Bold in the knowledge that you have something worth buying?

You’ve heard it said a 100 times before that “free is not a business model”. Yet when marketers, bloggers and  businesses alike; are giving away everything but the farm on a near daily basis, it can be hard to place a value, then put a price on your product, service or skill.

Except,  if your going to make any profit, there comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand and start actually –  selling something!

If the truth be told

I hate getting phone calls whilst I’m in the middle of dinner from some 19 year old school drop out; selling me cleaning products, double glazing or credit card (debt).

Why?

Because I’m not in the market; for any of those things. I don’t need them or want them, and if I did, I would find them. At a time when I was not enjoying a good steak, some red wine and crap tv….

Traditional telemarketers do very little research. They pick a number and dial it, in the hope of catching some poor old lady off guard, a house wife in a good mood or a student dying to go on holiday with their mates and in need of some credit.

This type of marketing depends on slick talk, skin thicker than an elephant and bucket loads of luck. And whilst you may be able to pitch your little heart out, if you can’t close that sale, your wasting every-ones time. It takes a special kind of person to succeed at telemarketing.

But guess what…it still works!

South East Asians girls, be keeping it old school

In a rundown room in the annex of a five star hotel, there are a group of women who pick up the phone and jump into the crap shoot daily. They don’t know who they’re calling and they don’t care. They have a product with benefits bound to appeal to a certain type of  person, and they work on commission only.

So they call and they call and they call. On average this sales office does 50+ sales a day. We won’t do the math on the amount of calls it takes to make those sales, or the amount of profit “the big boys” make from every sale, as that’s not really the point.

The point is….

These women grind it out from morning till night on the phone, and their not even the main beneficiary of all that dough! They make commission only, and while it’s more than enough to keep them off a pole in Patpong doing things with their lady gardens that are unspeakable. Only the very top sellers make bank… European wages are hard to come by and go a long way in Asia.

They get to sit in an AC office and make enough money to feed their families, keep them in stacked high heels and make-up; whilst building a house up country, and their in the company of friends. For them it’s as pretty cushy number if somewhat monotonous, but you’ll hear very few complaints.

So what are you waiting for ….

A written invitation?  a sign from the heavens or some sh&*t… Your customer is not going to “ask to be called” in the middle of dinner. But did you here that important phrase.. Your customer…..

As a self-employed bizness person, you know who your customers are,  or at least you should?

You know their needs, wants, desires and email…heck; you even know their number. And if you don’t, you can work out how to get it.

Then….. get on the phone and hustle. Sell them the things they want and need, and make your offer irresistible.

Don’t take their first NO as the definitive answer. Overcome objections, smoother them with benefits galore, then watch them take out their credit cards or go on to your website and click BUY NOW!

Interruption marketing sucks. 30 people slamming the phone down in your ear is tedious, time consuming and a fustrating. But this tried and tested method of getting peoples attention, THEN their money in YOUR bank account, still works.  And if it didn’t, the big boys would stop doing it!

It gets the sale. It gets your brand out there and your name heard, and it shows people that you mean business. Literally!

People admire tenacity, confidence and grass roots entrepreneurship.

If your business is on the verge of being canned because it’s not profitable. If your entrepreneurial spirit is somewhat jaded after days nee weeks; of not a single sale.  Stop fannying around, and pick up the damn phone. Then don’t stop until you make a sale.

It’s a numbers game, but it works if you work it. So work it, your business is worth it!

Hows that for a 2012 biz focus: More phone time with your prospects?  Skype is your friend…

Q. When was the last time you picked up the phone to a prospective client… and what was the outcome?

Q. What’s holding you back from picking up the phone and calling your prospects today?

If you’ve loved this post, been inspired by it, or maybe you hated it…come share your views, thoughts and stories with me and others. And if your not on the MAILING LIST already…now’s a good a time as any.

Note to the MLSM community: Where has my red hat been these past few weeks hmmm…try London, Hong Kong, Bali, Bangkok and now Chaing Mai! There’s been a lot of change, and I honestly can’t say when things are going to slow down. Both my blog and on-line communities have been somewhat neglected as I pick up airmiles and work out where to settle down. But my vision is becoming clearer, I’m learning from incredible people and occasionally taking 5 step backwards to take 1 forward.

As always….its all love.xx

Whether you work for yourself or are employed, maximising your productivity during your working hours is essential. When you understand the connection between time management and success, you manage your resources more effectively and place a value on your time professionally.

If you’re not “that person” already, I’m going to take it as a given that you want to be.

I’ve heard various suggestions for managing your time effectively and I’ve dabbled with a few, but in all honesty nothing seemed to stick. Then during Project Getaway, I was introduced to a new technique that helps me:

• Structure my workload for the day
• Complete tasks to a higher standard
• Spend less time each day “pretending to work”
• Feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day

For me that’s kind of a big deal and I figured I really should share it.

The power of intense focus

Multi-tasking is how many of us work; we use this ability to try and accomplishment as much as possible in the shortest amount of time.  As the saying goes, “if you want to get something done, ask a busy person”. But there is something to be said for one-track mindedness. For applying the full power of your complete focus, on only one task, for a prescribed period of time.

The benefits of ‘time-managed’ solo-tasking

• The task at hand gets your complete attention
• You are able to batch tasks and effectively save more time
• Positive pressure helps you get more done
• You improve your creative problem solving skills

What is The Pomodoro Technique?

The Pomodoro Technique was created by Francisco Cirillio in 1980s and the idea was that you would work for short intense spurts with little breaks in between. By maintaining your focus and applying your concentration, he showed that you were able to maximise your work processes and get more done in less time. The method, is that you work for  25 minutes of complete concentratio, and at the end of the 25 minute pomodoro you break for 5 minutes, before going into another pomodoro.

If you completed 10 pomodoro’s per day, you’ll have worked 5 hours with full concentration!

It could look a little something like this

p1:Insert task – 5 minute break

p2: Insert task – 5 minute break

p3: Insert task  - 5 minute break

p4 :Insert task – 5 minute break

1/2 hour break

p5: Insert task – 5 minute break

p6:Insert task – 5 minute break

p7: Insert task – 5 minute break

p8: Insert task – 5 minute break

1/2  hour break

p9 insert task 5 minute break

p10 insert task – 5 minute break

Most of us only have 5 good hours a day anyway; 5 hours where we are at our most creative and productive best. But with the distraction of multi-tasking, email, Skype, Blackberries and other digital noise, very few of us get to experience the accumulative power of our best 5 hours.

Imagine you; working intently for 5 hours per day, purposefully eliminating distractions and assessing your productivity at the end of each cycle.

What would you achieve with the accumulative power of your best hours? What could you achieve; when you stopped pretending to work and actually…err…worked!

The Pomodoro Technique helps you  tap into your optimum hours and with some discipline, your business idea starts to becomes a business, the junk room becomes an office and that books starts to write itself. For an idea so simple, it’s genius how effective it is really.

The tool I use to help me get the most out of my daily Pomdoro’; is from Beat Points .  The software adds a ticking tomato shaped timer to your tool bar, which once started, will ring an alarm at the end of your pomodoro. And to make this little tomato shape tool even more tasty, its totally FREE!

You can also use the mini  dashboard that pops up at the end of each session to help  you rate your productivity, and set a reminder for when to start your next  25 minute session.

The Pomodoro technique has become a well-used tool helping me to plough through my never ending list of things do to. But it also leaves me with a great sense of achievement at the end of the day as I know what ever tasks I’ve been working on; have  had my full concentration. It also leave me to free to enjoy some guilt free down time each day.

By helping me set goals, stay focused and assess how I use my time, I’ve seen great improvements in my productivity in the last few weeks. Whilst I’ll be experimenting with other techniques, Pomodoro’ are here to stay. It’s simple and it works.

Download the software here, try it out and comeback and tell us how you find it. You can also find out how other entrepreneurs are using this technique to super charge their productivity. I’m not the only one getting excited about tomato shaped productivity tool.

More from the developer of Cherry Tomato

You don’t have to be a member of Mensa to work out that effective time management and success go hand in hand. I’ve never met a successful business person who did not view time as a precious commodity, and I’m going to bet that you haven’t either!

As you go about creating your business empire and designing the lifestyle you desire; understanding  the synchronicity between effective time management and success; will put you way ahead of the curve. It stands to reason that: the less time you squander on low value, low yielding activities, the more time you have to spend on activities that have an impact- right?

Let’s keep it 80/20 people, let’s keep it 80/20. If you’ve read the 4 Hour work week you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, I’m going to suggest you rush over to those nice people at Amazon and pick up either of these two books, if not both.

I’m not going to lie, they’re game changers!

The 4-Hour Work Week: Escape the 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich

The 80/20 Principle: The Secret of Achieving More with Less

Prayer won’t work..

Despite your most powerful prayers; there will never be more than 24 hours in day or 7 days in a week, it’s just not going to happen –  so get over it. But isn’t it encouraging to know that whilst these time constraints won’t change, with a little focus and commitment, YOU can.

Time management tools are not hard to come by and time management advice is a dime a dozen –  I get it. So it begs the question why; with so many resources and so much good advice out there so many of us are failing to manage our time in a way that gives us the level of output we desire ?

Feel free to send in your answer on a postcard, but I’d like to go some way to answering my own question with a popular qoute used to close  AA/NA/CA and other recovery group meetings.

“It works, if you work it, so work it, you’re worth it”

I’ve always loved this message, but lately it’s gained a new poignancy. It’s a steady reminder that in the right hands; even the simplest tools are powerful and effective in our quest for productive time management and success.

The reason why so many people fail to master time management, create momentum and increase output, is that they don’t use the tools and advice readily available.

Human nature ha!

But we’ve already established that MLSM readers are extraordinary, so I know you’re ready to turn up the gas and start really cooking right?  As head chef here, I’d like to light the fire.

Let me share with you a tool and technique that has helped me:

• Complete more client work in less time- leaving me free to look for more clients
• Prioritise my workload ensuring that the 20% of tasks that have 80% of impact- get done everyday
• Free up more time each day, in the knowledge that I have maximised my best 5 hours ( more on your best 5 hours later)

Q. what time management tools are you using?

Have you found the tool yet; that puts time management and success firmly within your grasp?  If not, you’d better tune into the next post so you don’t miss out.

Did you know that if you get on the mailing list you’ll never have to miss another MLSM post again.

But lets make this post a mini resource MLSM lovelies, and enjoy a little “each one teach one”, by creating a list of all the tools (both free and paid for ) that help YOU achieve better time management.

So get sharing, the comments are yours to plunder and link your little hearts out.

In my next post I’m going  to share with you the tool that has helped me increase my daily work output tenfold!  And guess what, it’s totally and utterly, ridiculously-free!

Can’t say fairer than that…are you excited already!

It’s all love.xx

There’s an elephant in the room. Big, grey, cumbersome, and it’s taking up all the space.

It’s walking round in circles, presenting danger with every sudden movement. You can’t see its face as the rest of its bulk is so huge. You want to leave, escape, move on, but it won’t let you.

Then suddenly it turns and you catch a glimpse of its face, and you realise that the elephant in the room is actually you…or rather –  your mind-set!

Elephants and mind-sets…

A strange combination, but if we step away from logical rational thought for a second, it’s not hard to make the connection.

Sometimes our mind-set is ‘the elephant in the room’. The ignored, but obvious truth that the only thing holding you back from experiencing the very best in life – is you.

There are a million excuses reasons for why many of us continue to live a sub-par existence, despite an ever present desire to experience something better.

• Lack of skill
• Lack of information
• Lack of time
• Lack of support
• Lack money
• Blah blah blah X 10

Now, not that you’d want to, but if you did…how would you go about eating an Elephant?

One bite at a time , or so I’ve been told….

So how do you change your mind-set?

How about: one thought at a time…

A positive, resolute and focused mind-set in the one ‘must have’ tool in your resource box for success unlimited. Without it you’re doomed.It won’t matter, whether you have all the skills, information, time, support or money you could ever need. Without the mind-set of a winner, the mind-set that anything is possible, the mind-set that you can overcome all things which step up to challenge you – you won’t get far.

Because when you choose to live, think and act like this. You will be challenged every. single. day.

If there is one unifying thing amongst people who are successful; not just in business, but in life, love and all that good stuff –  it’s their mind-set.

What is your mind-set today?

• Is it one of success or failure?
• Is it one of lack or abundance?
• Is it radiant with positivity or cloudy with negativity?

Did you know you’re allowed to choose….so why not choose to have the right mind-set starting from today!

• Q. How has having the wrong mind-set impacted on your success in life or business
• Q. If there was a time when your mind-set was not working for you, what have you done to change it

I’ll be sharing my number #1 tip for improving your mindset and how I changed my thinking to turbo charge my whole life, in my next post.

If you liked this post, then please share it (you know how), but more importantly share your thoughts with the My Lifestyle Max community.

Finally, why not take a second to get on the subscribers list so you don’t miss any of the goodness.

It’s all love.xx

Hello MLSM lovelies…

Some of you may remember a few weeks ago I posted about taking a break from MLSM and all the reasons why it was needed.

But now I’m back.  I’m re-energised, re-enthused, but most importantly – I’m focused.

Every one say –  FOCUS !

So I’m going to put it out there from the get go, as I have no interest in wasting anyone’s precious time.

The angle of MLSM has changed. In its previous carnation, despite being a fun and engaged community, MLSM was a personal development blog without a clear vision.  I’ve had some much  fun getting to know you guys, you rocked my world!

But like I’ve stated before, anything that is not moving is dead.

My Lifestyle Max is moving on…

I’ve come to realise how much both this blog and myself; as the orator of this wonderful space, need a focus.  A way to ensure I’m not just sharing insightful narratives, but providing real value. Posts designed to help change peoples lives. Every. Single. Time.

So how did I come to the realisation that things needed to change round these parts?

Well, the first step has been getting some distance from my baby blog. Then, living in Bali (the new mecca for lifestyle designers) presented me with some interesting and intense learning curves.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with other bloggers and entrepreneurs  far more successful and experienced than myself. It’s been a real eye opener and occasionally  - a humbling shakedown!

It’s become pretty clear, that it’s time to get serious and –  GO  BIG…or ….GO  HOME !

Things are about to take off and go BOOM around here.

Did I mention I was excited?

Over the last 6 months I’ve been doing a fearless personal inventory and whilst my progress has been immense,  a few things have become frighteningly apparent to me.

Good habits + Focus + Productivity = Success Unlimited

I like this kind of maths, I’m all about success unlimited….

But the truth is, although I do a fairly good job of juggling a lot of balls and keeping stuff ticking over, I’ve been lacking in all some of these areas. Then it struck me….

• What would happen if I really got ‘all about’  personal mastery…..
• What would happen if I got ‘all about’ creating good habits and eliminating bad habits….
• What would happen if I started testing methods to greatly increase productivity and increase focus…
• What would happen if I became insanely dedicated to designing a life that makes me smile every day and stopped ‘winging it’…
• What would happen if I focused on creating a location independent income, that I enjoyed earning as well as spending…

What would happen if I really got serious about this ish.. I mean, really…. what would happen?

Well I’m about to find out, and so are you.

You heard it here first:  Stacey is no longer of a vacation; she is now on a workation  (watch this space, you’ll be hearing more about this real soon-ish)

As My Lifestyle Max takes a new direction and becomes about:

• Forming and sustaining good habits
• Eliminating and crushing bad habits- for good
• How to create and maintain laser sharp focus
• Putting productivity on steroids, whilst finding a happy intersection between commerce, freedom and fun
• Minimising your ‘to do’ list and maximising your ‘done’ list

I’ll still share my stories, because I have a big mouth like that, but it will be with a more defined FOCUS.

Living the dream comes at a cost….

I have an incredible lifestyle right now. There is nothing I need that I don’t have, but there are many things that I want  - that are still financially out of reach.

I mean like seriously, there are a lot of beaches I’ve yet to lie on, a lot of Mojitos I’ve yet to drink, and I hear Capri is nice in spring…

However, in order to  experience the stuff of dreams, I need to start building some very strong foundations underneath me and a healthy bank balance to boot!

So, all those offended by capitalism may run for the hills on hearing that I intend to monetise MLSM in the not to distant future – I guess I’ll have to live with that.

My lifestyle Max is about to become about community AND commerce.

And I’m unapologetic about not only my need, but my desire, to leverage the time spent writing this blog, with generating an income to supplement my life-less-ordinary!  For anyone whose sensibilities this offends, please feel free to send me a signed blank cheque each month…

Q. Is this blog about to become marketing city central…

A. nahhh…. I have more integrity than that, but I will be an affiliate for products I respect and use. I will promote products I think add value and will improve your life. I will create my own products, service, and experiences, and if they meet your needs, I will hope that you, my MLSM lovelies, will buy them. You’ll see  CALLS TO ACTION!

No pressure, but now you know…

Q. Will this blog become sanitised, formulaic and all Zen..ha…..Nahhhhhhhhh

A. It’s not me, it’s not the way I write, think or speak. There may have been a change in direction and focus , but the woman at the heart of MLSM is still very much in the building. It will still be me in every single line.

The winds of change are whistling, so get ready get ready get ready and remember… I love ya.

It’s all love.xx

PS.You don’t even know how good it felt to come out of hibernation and write this.

PPS.I’d  like to extend an invitation for you to join me on the quest for personal mastery. What do you say…are you in?

PPS. If you love where I’m coming from with this, be wonderful and share it with others..you know how

(disclaimer) concept will be tweaked as necessary along the way

Why have I not posted this week?

Why have I been a silent voice on Twitter and slow to respond, where as before I was rapid fire?

Well, there are several things that have happenned, some great, some not so great but the end result is that for a short period, I need to take a step back from My Lifestyle Max and my social media activities.

I love this blog. I love the family that congregates around it. I love my friends that I have been making via the internet super highway, you mean alot to me. I feel guilty when I’m not able to give fully of myself, without hindrance and stress. But the reality is I have to do some house keeping.

Over the last three weeks, the following things have happened amongst others

1. I had my camera broken by monkeys, the one I use to shoot video. I’ve yet to purchase a new one and making videos without them is near impossible

2. I have finally started to formalise my business activities, working with a developer on my office front, and trying to build a team of like minded creatives to expand my business and serve more people. This has been time consuming, super stressful and a steep learning curve. This hustler is finally becoming and Entrepreneur, so wish me luck.

3. I’ve taken on a few new clients that require a big time commitment. I’ve been working till 2am most mornings. This can’t continue.

4. I’ve been trying to find a new place to live which better suits my needs, it’s been a long slow process but I recently got given some extra leeway by a friend. I move today. Amen

5. I’ve been writing extensively for other clients and been struggling to find any time to write for pleasure. MLSM is pleasure.

6. There have been several security breaches on my two sites, the  last one was yesterday when I looked in my dashboard; and all my settings. formatting, pluggins etc,  were gone. All of it. Then another one only a few short hours ago…when my whole new site was taken down!

I don’t know how to fix it, and I’m frazzled by all the drama. I wasn’t smart enough to back things up…grrrrrrrrr

7.  I’m happy, but exhausted and a little overwhelmed,  and need to find a more scalable, practical way to manage my commitments and my enjoyments. It’s not the done thing to bunk off work to go out to play with your friends. I’m a grown up and have to put first things first. I’m going to do that.

So, heres the thing. I’m taking a break.

Firstly to go away to the islands and get some rest, sun, snorkelling and the simple pleasure of doing nothing for a week. I need some reflection time and some re-evaluation time. My life has changed immeasurably over the last 3 months, I have not slowed down for 1 minute. It’s times for me to take a step back and see what is working and what is not.

The 2nd and possibly 3rd week if needed,  is to focus on putting the finishing touches to by business, website, sales copy etc, and to take the quality of work I have been offering to my existing clients to another level. I want to be great, not good!

If I am going to write about personal development I have to have integrity and make sure I am actioning those things which I advocate. Being good to yourself, showing yourself love and consideration and taking some time to reflect,  is all part of that. So said, so done.

I hope you’ll stick around. I hope you won’t simply move on to pastures new, pastures more consistent. Pastures more on-line!

But I understand if you do. Reciprocity is incredibly important in the on-line world, but I don’t give to recieve and neither I expect  do the wonderful community here do, either.

In other words, I hope you will be back to support MLSM and me with the same enthusiasm, gusto and insight you have shown since day 1. Seriously, you make the sleepless nights worth it.

I have a new found respect for all those who have a family, a job and other interests yet still manages to share via their blog  2/3/4  times per week and maintain the quality. Your rock stars!

So that’s it. I will be back.

Neither my writing here or Niche Amnesty.TV is dead!   There is just a haitus in the scheduling whilst the production team ( me) takes stock . I’m coming back and I’m gonna come hard……

I want to send a big wish of love, thanks, peace, happiness, joy, wisdom, faith, truth, kindness, and all that good-ish to all of you. I’ll miss you whilst I’m gone, please feel free to email me for a little one on one chat if you feel so inclined. I’d love to hear from you.  After all, that’s what real friends do right?

stacey@mylifestylemax.com

Betsy, Bill, Stan, Carol, Adrienne, Janet, JK, Derek, Lori, Al, Yomar, Barbara, Nisha, Bonnie, Elyse, Sandi, Erica, Marianne, Chrysta, Matt, John F, Elena, Amber, Dino, Karen, Jaque Carolyn, (these are just a few of the names that immediatly come to mind..please forgive me if I’ve missed yours)…Nuff love.xx

It’s all love.xx

As the final part of the “Rejection series”, I want to bring this discourse to a close with an experience all grown folk know something about.

It goes by various names: Getting dumped, being dropped, finished with, kicked to the curb –  to name a few.

But the worst one of all; has got to be being told “I don’t love you anymore”

Can I get a witness!

I was going to say if you have never been the ‘dumpee’- then you may want to pack up shop and go home, except please don’t, stay; take a load off. This post is as much for you, as it is for anyone else.

Why?

Because there is 99% chance that you too will experience rejection within a relationship. It’s almost inevitable.

None of us are immune to it…

Not the super rich, super pretty, super slim, super successful, super powerful, super confident, super blah blah blah. None of us.

At some appointed time, you’ll suffer the gut wrenching pain of separating from a person you are in relationship with, a person you love, a person you shared a home, life, dreams, aspiration, memories and experiences with. And, or, God forbid – children…

I think it’s important to clarify that I’m not talking about an abusive relationship here; you know the type you really had no business being in; in the first place. But rather the sort of relationship that overall was pretty amazing, until it wasn’t any more.

Rejection by the person you love can make otherwise sane people turn temporarily or permanently; nuts. It causes people to walk into department stores and shoot their lover then themselves - dead. They call this a crime of passion, but I’d call it a crime of pain and the statistics for these types of crimes; are higher than you’d feel comfortable knowing.

Pain will make you do some seriously crazy-ass shit!

However, no matter the situation that led to your rejection in love; you are able to choose a more  empowered response to it, and despite what the relationship gurus tell you, there are no wrong or right answers. But just like anything in life, some ways of dealing with things are more successful than others.

From one who has walked a mile or 5, in your shoes…I’d like to  share what I’ve learn’t.

What are you supposed to do when your love becomes disposable?

Let’s start with what NOT to do!

Don’t:

1. Beg them not to leave you. “If you love something let it go, if it comes back it’s your, if it doesn’t; it never was.” That platitude remains as true today, as it was when I first saw in daubed on a toilet wall circa 1999. Do not beg anyone,’not to leave you’. If they want to go; hold open the door and close it quietly behind them.

2. Tell the whole world. When the person you love tells you; they know longer love you, or ends the relationship in some other heart-breaking way. After the initial shock has worn off, one of two things may happen. You may feel mortified with shame and not want to tell anyone, or you won’t be able to shut up about it. Choose a few select people who love you unconditionally and let it all hang out, but don’t broadcast it on Facebook, Twitter, or to everyone in your blackberry and email address book.

Be discerning about whom you share your pain and the intricacies of your most intimate relationships with. In the event that you do get back together, do you want everyone to the length, depth and breadth of…errr…everything. If you’re a grown up, I think not!

Maintain your discretion.

3. Stalk them. Call every day, text every day, email every day. Trying to maintain contact in the hope that they will have a change of heart or you will somehow worm your way back into their affections; rarely ever works. It just makes you seam desperate, and nothing is more of a turn off than desperation.

4. Believe the old adage that “the quickest way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.”  Unless you’re 19 and it’s your first time on‘ heart-break hill’, a passionate jump may do wonders for your ego and scratch an itch. But the reality is, more often than not your far too raw, needy and confused; to enter into any sort of casual sexual or emotional relationship with anyone in the early stages of a breakup.

You don’t have to become a man or woman of the cloth…but you can’t ‘screw the pain away’ – just saying

5. Lie about what happened, or how you’re feeling. There are some ways to break up that are less traumatic than others. There are some reasons for breaking up that you may never want to tell another. You have a right to maintain your discretion about anything, but the last person you want to lie to is yourself.

‘Own’ what happened and acknowledge your role in the situation (because you will have one), but don’t deny how you’re feeling. It’s ok to be a crying, wailing, jibber jabbering disaster – for a period of time. You’re officially allowed to feel bad, and don’t let anyone tell you any different.

So what ‘should’ you do ?

6. Don’t be too proud try and work things out. If you’ve invested years of your life into a person and share a positive history with them, then your a fool if you let pride or the the opinion of others, get in the way of you trying to work things through. However, the desire to do this has to swing both ways, and if one partner is willing to work on the relationship whilst the other is not –  it won’t work. You have to both want to fix what has gone wrong.

7. Tell them exactly how you feel, don’t hold anything back. Why should you? Say what your thinking, how they’ve made you feel, why you feel like you have been treated badly. Let them have it, even if you hurt their feelings with a few home truths. But don’t scream and act like a banshee as this is counterproductive to them actually LISTENING to you, simply speak your truth.

If you can’t verbally articulate it, then write it in a letter; but say what needs to be said. Then if you forgot anything, go back and say what you missed, express yourself until you’re empty ( there is a difference between expressing yourself and stalking, don’t cross that line )

But you should bare in mind that you may not get the sort of response you would like, if you get any response at all!  Emptying your heart on their door-step is not about them, it’s about you. Many will tell you, to “say nothing, and act as if you don’t care”. I disagree.

If you were so indifferent to the relationship continuing or ending, then why the hell were you in it in the first place?

8. Have some self-respect and sense of perspective. When a person you love rejects you, it can be so easy to assume all of  the blame – for everything. “I failed them, I wasn’t good enough, If I’d done x,y,z, they would still be here”. Ra ra ra….

There is nothing further from the truth.

When what is clearly a committed relationship comes to an abrupt end, if there have not been several joint attempts to get the relationship back on track, more often than not, this is about the other person and their ‘stuff’ and not about you. Remember that!

It’s funny how eloquent, articulate and expressive people can be when they’re “talking you into bed love, but how confused, mono-syllabic and pathetic they can be; when their falling out of it ?

A person’s failure to communicate their wants, needs, desires and/or feelings of unhappiness – is not your fault. You are not responsible for another persons happiness, ever! And if they feel that YOU are the direct cause of their unhappiness and want to leave, then you need to accept that and let this confused person go.

The end…

I was gonna tell you a sad story about the love I lost and a broken heart lying in a million pieces on the kitchen floor, but Amy Winehouse did it so much better and I really can’t be bothered. It’s not like I’m original or anything.

But the heart of my story is this:

“If the person you love with all you are, can’t see the value, beauty and treasure in you and your life together. Then they don’t deserve you, and probably never did. There is nothing better than time to tell the true metal, strength and depth of a persons character, and whilst it might feel like you’re losing your mind with grief, you are ultimately better off without them. ”

Your job is to do some work on yourself, because nobodies perfect, forgive yourself for whatever role you played in things not being ‘golden’- then keep it moving. It’s might also help to know that in many long term relationships, quite often it’s the one who jumped shipped that ends up regretting it the most and for the longest.

And if you’re really looking for the next step of evolution,  consider forgiving the one who left you and wishing them well in finding what they really want. (Chances are, they don’t even know)

• What have I missed, is there any advice I’ve given here you disagree with
• What things have you done to recover from rejection in relationships

As always the comments are open for your thoughts and opinions, and if you think this post will help others; then I’d love if you shared it with them.

It’s all love.xx

The 2nd instalment of the MLSM ‘Rejection’ series is bought to you by the one and only JK Allen. There nothing left for me to say other than… take it away, JK.

****

It’s a volatile world, but it’s a great world. Life is filled with adversity, but it’s also filled with love. It all comes down to our interpretation and perspective. Sometimes it comes down to the moment and past experiences. We’ve all had our share of experiences; good and bad.

For the first time (for me), I’m addressing racism in business. I know many might think it doesn’t exist. This post has nothing to do with sympathy – it’s about overcoming rejection.

Let’s begin…

The Message

One time in college I was told by a professor that it’s a shame that when I enter into the world of business I’ll have to work ten times harder than my counterparts [I’ll refer to this as “the message” throughout this post]. When he told me that, I had no clue what he meant. I figured it would be apparent after graduating…it wasn’t.

I received this message at 21 years old. It was something that always stuck with me. When I left college and entered the workforce in an entry level position, I still couldn’t correlate it with anything. I went to another job – still, the same thing; no correlation. After a few years THE LIGHT CAME ON.

The Rejection

I entered a new position at a new company, in the highly competitive environment of sales. I thought the office environment was fine: conducive to productivity and equally important – it was a comfortable place to work.

One day, after getting cheated out of a deal that should have been mine, and bringing up the matter up to my manager, I learned that my perception of my work environment was far different than I had initially thought. My manager, a Jewish man in his early 40’s, advised me to let the injustice slide.

Well that’s not my style. If I think something is mine, and has been taken away from me, I’m going all out to get it back. I asked him why I shouldn’t put up a fight. And that’s when the light turned on…the message had finally met its reality in my life.

My manager told me that the higher ups were a bunch of “good ol’ boys”,  he then went on to tell me how hard he had to fight to get the approval to hire me. Next, I learned that in meetings the group of executives threw out racially charged derogatory words, including the N word. Even my manger faced indirect verbal lynchings. He went on to say that for me to stay off the radar I had to perform well above my counterparts.

At this point, I knew exactly what was meant by the message I received from my professor several years earlier.

Rejection Made me React

I felt rejected. I had experienced racism previously; from being in a house set on fire by supremacist, to being felony stopped (pulled over by the police with guns drawn and having my head smushed in the ground…I guess I fit some sort of description that day), but I thought that business was a safe zone. I was wrong.

I was pretty let down when I got this information from my manager. I felt like my livelihood was on the line. I had a family to support and couldn’t allow ANYTHING to get in my way of that. I decided to view this happening as adversity. Instead of worrying about what type of adversity, I just saw it as adversity. I had a decent track record with overcoming adversity – so I figured I’d keep that track record moving in the right direction.

I went on to work for the same company, receiving sales awards each of the remaining months I was there. When I put in my letter of resignation, I was asked to stay and offered a management position. I moved on without hesitation.

Re-purposing the Power of Rejection

Rejection is extremely powerful and can make you yell “uncle” or say “mercy”; I give up. However, repurposing the power of rejection can change you forever. Being that I have the ability to choose how to use the energy before me, I choose the to make the best of it by:

• I became more compassionate towards others, hoping to NEVER make another person feel how I felt that day in the office.
• I made a pact with myself that I would be defined by my work, while always being who I am and never wavering from that.
• I started to understand the importance of personal branding, the power of first impressions and manufacturing my own luck.

I can’t change the way I look. I’m not going to change the way I look. If I could, I wouldn’t change the way I look. No matter where I go I’m going to face some form of adversity because of it. It is what it is.

Allowing Myself to Be Rejected, is Rejecting Myself

Adversity comes in every flavor; weight, color, sexual preference, social status, taste, religion, etc. If you believe in something – you are on the stage to be rejected; guaranteed. So what matters is how we react to it. We can allow its power to knock us down or we can repurpose it to become even better.

My hustle philosophy was birthed out of rejection. I took something with a negative connotation and rejected it; and made it mine own – completely positive. I’m human, I still feel the shock of rejection, but with focus I try not to let it win.

• Have you experienced rejection in a business environment?
• Were you able to bounce back from the pain you experienced and if so, how did you do it?

Come and share your experiences and extend the value of this very important topic, within the comments

Jk Allen is a thief; he’s stolen the word hustle and made it his own! At his blog Hustler’s Notebook, he writes from an uncommon perspective about personal development, personal branding and being a hustler - with no fluff.

It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperilled in a hundred battles ~Sun Tzu

This week  I have something special for you. The launch of a new My Lifestyle Max series on “Rejection”, and the first guest post on MLSM – from the one and only Derek Potocki of Goals Blogger.

So I’m gonna say nothing more and let Derek take the stage. Take it away Derek.

****

Some time ago I realized a powerful thing. “If I want to have a great life, I have to study the forces that conspire against me”

Life ain’t no picnic (in case you haven’t noticed), and those forces are real. Believe me!  There are 5 powerful enemies that will destroy you and your chances for a great life, if you don’t know how to deal with them.

I use the acronym ’DFORC’ to describe these enemies:

• Distraction
• Failure
• Obstacle
• Rejection
• Critic

In this post I will focus on rejection. Rejection by friends; in particular.

Before I begin, I have a few questions?

How many friends should we have and what’s the criteria?

If there IS a criteria for the number of friends we should have, then who set it up?

Here is my answer:

“Since life doesn’t come with an instruction manual, then neither should the number of friends you have; be set in stone.”

Facebook wants you to have 456 friends. Your church wants you to have at least 11, Twitter wants you to have 34,567 friends (it calls them an awful name : Followers).

The Bible gets my vote. The bible is smart.

It doesn’t give a specific number of friends you should have. I think you’ll find the Bhagavad-Gita probably doesn’t either?

So now we’ve cleared that up, we can safely say that the range of friends you should have; should be anywhere from 0 to 34,567. But analysing the numbers is of little help, because we don’t often use numbers to quantify the quality of our relationships. We use emotions instead.

That’s why rejection sucks and being rejected by a friend, sucks even more.

As far as I’m concerned, there is no cure for feeling bad after rejection. Many of us literally shape our lives to avoid rejection at all costs; that’s how powerful the force of rejection is.

The bad news is: Rejection is a fact of life. It happens all the time.

But thank goodness, there is good news.

The good news’ you’re reading my post and I’m about to teach you how to manoeuvre through rejection like a Ninja, with 5 Secret Ninja Weapons That Cut Through Rejection Like A Katana. And you can use them; any time rejection strikes with its brutal force.

So take a sip of sake, a deep breath, and let’s go.

 5 Secret Ninja Weapons That Cut Through Rejection Like A Katana

1.Black Ninja Suit - Symbolizes Mission. 

Ninja puts on a black suit, before he goes on a mission. The suit says: I’m ready, I know exactly what to do, I have mission to fulfil.

You absolutely have to have a Mission in life and be passionate about that mission. Your passion is your ultimate weapon against rejection. Think about it. If you have a goal, a passion, a MISSION, occasional rejections will not make any difference.

They will be irrelevant in the great scheme of things. But you have to create passion in your life. If you don’t have it, you’re very vulnerable to rejection. You are weak.

2. Black Split-Toe Ninja Boots – Symbolize High Self-Esteem 

Ninja uses Split-Toe boots, to firmly grip the ground and maintain balance. To stand with confidence. The Split-Toe boots symbolize high self-esteem.

You have to high self-esteem. People are not going to run around and worship you all day; they have better things to do. If you don’t have high self-esteem, do everything you can to develop it. Please trust me on this. You need high self-esteem to deal with challenges in life, especially rejection.

3. Katana (Japanese sword) – Symbol Of Detachment From The Outcome

Ninja uses Katana. In our case; Katana symbolizes cutting yourself off from the outcome we are after. 

Detachment is a hard thing to achieve. So is mastering the Japanese sword. But only after you understand the principle of detachment from the outcome, can you fully go after ‘the outcome’. It’s a paradox only few understand.

By detaching yourself, you don’t abandon the outcome. You become a master – not a slave to an outcome. Therefore when rejection strikes, you are still powerful because you can live without that outcome. You are composed.

Being needy is like being a rejection magnet. Every time someone rejects you and you start dancing to the  ”I can’t live without you” tune, you become blind to all the greatness that is around you and attract even more of what you don’t want. Rejection!

People won’t always do what you expect; including your friends. So get over it. You can’t control everything and neither should you want too. Fall in love with the element of surprise and unpredictability. Life is more beautiful with the element of surprise.

4. Grappling Hook - Symbolizes Transformation 

Ninja will use a grappling hook to climb through walls. He will use walls to his advantage.

Every rejection is an opportunity for learning and can be transformed into a lesson. Asking yourself questions like:

.Why was I rejected?   .Maybe I didn’t meet the criteria?    .What is the criteria?   .Can I try again with a different approach?

Help you learn the lessons a lot faster.

It’s possible that the rejection you’re experiencing is only temporary. You’re being rejected simply because you don’t meet the specific criteria. All you have to do is to figure out the criteria and all of a sudden you are not rejected any more. Magic!

If you get rejected by a friend, maybe it wasn’t the right friendship in the first place. Or maybe it’s just a temporary rejection. Don’t jump to fast conclusions. Think.

5.Shuriken ( “throwing star” ) -Symbolizes New Opportunity  

Ninja will throw a Shuriken to attack from a distance and completely catch the enemy off guard. It’s an unpredictable and stealth form of attack.

Every obstacle presents a new opportunity. Sometimes things have to die for new things to be born. Let’s say you get rejected by all your friends (unlikely), then that’s actually a great opportunity to start new friendships. Right!

Final words:

The pain of rejection is a fact. Be prepared to experience it, but you don’t need to drag the burden of it to eternity. It’s ok to let it go!   If all your friends reject you, just contact me via my blog. Who knows, maybe it will be a start of a new, fantastic friendship between us.

If everything else fails, open a Facebook account. 456 friends are waiting to “Like” you long time, and I doubt that each one of them will reject you. If they do, at least they won’t do it all at once. Now that would be a massive rejection

And even if that happens, there still is Twitter and Google +.

• Which of these ninja weapons would you use to handle being rejected by a friend?
• Have you experienced rejection in friendship before, how did you deal with it?
• What weapon did I miss? Share with us your secret weapon for dealing with rejection?

So…. after being chased by ferocious monkeys on Bulangen beach, ruining a perfectly good/new camera, plus a mobile phone, plus the SD card malfunctioning AGAIN….. which is what happens when you pay over the odds for ‘local products’ rather than stick with the brand you know……

I have a new #NicheAmnesty.TV video for you, filmed at the TMBA compound by Mr Dan Andrews.

Phew.

If anyone had told me that producing a weekly video less than 3 minutes long would have come with the threat of animal violence, sleepness nights, Indonesian customer service and wait for it…Balinese internet speeds which can be slower than dial up…

I would may have thought twice!

But I’m glad I didn’t, because I love doing this and more importantly, I love sharing it with you guys. I hope you can tell.

The post my emailer was disturbed by and which inspired my question for the final episode of this series was “ If Beauty Is So Important Then Why Are You So Ugly.”

If you haven’t already read it, well…finish watching the video and dive right in!

The post of the week goes to:

JK Allen  for his amazingly on point post  ” How To Get And Maintain Motivation.”  This is a must read post for all those looking to  get and stay; in the fast lane, check it out and you’ll see what I mean.

Otherwise, enough of my chit chat….I look forward to hanging with you in the comments, lets start a conversation….

It’s all love.xx

P.S Not only do I appreciate your feedback, but I’d love to know what questions you’d like to see me asking or your topic suggestions; for up and coming series… send them to me why dontcha?

stacey@mylifestylemax.com