Sometimes I wonder whether our differing approaches are due to me dealing with our kids far more on a daily basis. Maybe my patience/ tolerance level is lower as a result! For example, it impacts far more on my day if our children haven’t learnt how to get ready on time. When they wont comply in getting their uniforms on for school, it doesn’t really affect dad as he has already left for work.

It’s easy for weekends, in particular, to turn into ‘good cop, bad cop’ with me usually playing the latter. This makes me feel like the angry troll whilst dad comes across as the cool, fun one. It does seem to me that it’s usually the parent who spends more time with the kids who ends up being more the disciplinarian.

So what’s the solution? Should we sit down and decide how we deal with stuff in advance, or do we carry on bumbling along whilst the children whiz from one parent to another to get more pocket money. Our kids definitely sense any cracks or conflict and use it to their advantage! Usually, it just leaves one of us feeling exasperated but sometimes both of us in turn can feel a bit undermined. Maybe it’s just typical family life but if anyone out there has a good solution then please share it!

Good tidings to those mums and dads out there who worked really hard and possibly stressed a bit to make the Christmas magic happen! I am sure it was appreciated – even though Father Christmas got most of the credit.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the thought of Christmas and it’s true meaning of ‘goodwill to all mankind’ but am I turning into a grumpy old woman or just growing up when I realise that Christmas for me these days is massively hard work and there is a real pressure to create the ‘perfect day’? I met a friend recently who gushed with the joy of the season and told us all how much she adores Christmas, turns out her mum pays for them to go to a massive cottage with a games room, lots of nice family and access to caterers. Mmm…

Back in my world, firstly there’s the cards to write. My husband loves receiving them and putting them up but hasn’t actually written one for the last 15 years – precisely when we met – not a coincidence! Then there’s the presents; I’m always slightly spurred on by my very ‘Christmassy’ alpha-mum, organised friends, who have Christmas bought and wrapped by October.

This year there was a bit less money in the pot and my thoughtful yet imaginative on-line shopping was a tad last minute, only to find that snow meant that most of it wouldn’t arrive anyway. I made a frantic dash to town on an icy road, my two-year old climbed out of her fully secured car seat (see previous post) and into the boot (first time she’s made it that far) en route. The shops were packed with frenzied, pushing, shoving parents all with that panicked glint in their eyes. I fed my daughter two packs of gold chocolate coins and another of caramel Santas just to keep her in the buggy for 45 mins!

I was tempted to blow the budget and buy everyone an iSomething as the only reasonably civilized store was Apple. However, back in the real world, I realised that the chances of winning the Xmas rollover were minimal, so ditched that idea in favour of circling ‘Hawkins Bazaar’ about a thousand times and then had a mind blowing migraine in the hideous car park with a thousand levels, before setting off home.

Eventually, having read through the Christmas lists again – 56 items on one (10 yrs) and over 30 on the other (7 yrs) and a 2-year old obsessed with Peppa Pig and Hello Kitty, I felt I’d done OK to avoid any major sulks and see their lovely little faces light up, besides the disappointing absence of a real live puppy in a basket!

Then there was the food shopping. I was ultra organised with this but unfortunately my second fridge (it’s an old rusty – previously faithful – stand by) which was full with fine Xmas fayre decided to pack up two days before I noticed and the turkey and all the trimmings had to be chucked out and replaced. Aggghhhh! That’s just after the washing machine went on strike, no doubt due to over-use. It was the dishwasher last year when I had 20 for Xmas lunch. Even my white goods are rebelling under the extra strain!

Having done the school plays, created the gold, frankincense and myrrh for the church nativity forced/ bribed my daughter to be Angel Gabriel under much duress, fed my son 4-hourly Calpol on Christmas Eve as he shuddered and sneezed in front of the telly, amazingly, we woke up to have a lovely Christmas Day. Had friends over for lunch, which was done and dusted in time for heckling the queen’s speech, I glowed with pride at my super domestic goddess abilities.

That was until the 2-year old started vomiting at 2:00am Boxing Day for 24 hrs straight, mostly on our sofa – nice. Anyway, cut to the 27th and it’s all over and although it wasn’t perfect we came through it with only a few minor squabbles and some precious, tenderly recorded moments.

Next year I’ll try again to make it all a bit more ‘Delia/ Nigella’, obviously allowing for kids bugs. I might even make time to do something nice for myself in the new year and utilise some of those Boots 3-for-2 gift packs.

Gratefully received, of course!

I duly arranged for my parents to babysit, a friend had also offered, to cut the cost down and booked some cheap tickets for a comedy show. I have to say it was great to get out and have a real laugh without spending a total fortune. Being on a school night made it feel even more special in a funny way!

I realised how easy it is as a busy parent to get sucked into the trap of doing so much family stuff that there’s sometimes not much time, energy or money leftover for anything else!

So, having done it, I can thoroughly recommend the odd ‘date night’ – not sure if we can stretch to every week. For those single parents out there it could obviously be a chance to meet a new partner or just have a date with friends. I am personally determined to also be more organised with my mates to plan some fun evenings, even if it means having a laugh and a bite to eat at home with the kids tucked in bed – hopefully!!

So far, besides excellent garden tools, we have amassed three very nice wooden Shaker-style shelf units, a corner cabinet, an occasional table and two bedside cupboards. All of these just need a bit of prep, a quick coat of paint in a sophisticated shade by Farrow & Ball and a gentle distress with fine sandpaper. A crystal handle or two from Bombay Duck will complete the transformation from dark varnished tat to gorgeous Rachel Ashwell ‘shabby chic’ style.

Our plan is to sell some items and keep the one’s we really love for our own home. My neighbour makes a nice additional income doing this by supplying a quirky local interiors shop.

Another (albeit very talented artist) friend of mine uses recycled packaging to make the most beautiful collages which can adorn any wall in the house but look especially lovely in children’s rooms. Her ‘Rubbish Pictures’ can be found at Wallop or the website Folksy.

Two local yummy mummies I know bake fantastic cupcakes in their ‘spare’ time. Kiki and Eli supply weddings and will even organise a fab cake decorating session for your kids – keeps them amused and they get to scoff their creations afterwards.

My mates Mollie and Mary buy children’s clothes and customise them – their kids are the funky one’s at playgroup!

If you fancy a go at this you can find great second-hand clothes on My Mummy & Me and then add your own touches to make them more individual. If like me you are pushed for time, just buy the clothes and revel in the fact that you’ve bagged a bargain.

I’ve decided it can actually be quite fun to be frugal and needing additional funds can lead you down all sorts of industrious paths; necessity being the mother of invention and all that…

I recently picked up a sewing machine for a fiver at the tip shop – on to ‘project bunting’ now. Well, maybe in a few month’s when our littlest starts pre-school!

These chunkier flip flops (thongs to Americans and Aussies) are designed to tone up your thighs and derrière and are available in a variety of colours and styles – RRP from £40-60. They seem to have become pretty de rigueur as part of the middle-class ‘Bodenesque’ mums uniform – you know what I mean!

A touch more flattering than Crocs (which are brilliant for kids, but I’m personally not digging the matching ‘Croc family look’), a bit less hippy chick than Birkenstock‘s and with a tad more off road ability than Havaianas. My FitFlops in dark brown suede – not the sequined numbers as sported by many of my counterparts – are just about glued to my feet.

The big question is do they actually work and tone up those muscles? It’s hard to tell and I’m guessing for the odd wearer that Magnum ice-cream might not have felt quite so guilt laden on a sunny day

As one of my best friend’s put it, “After a summer of wearing FitFlops and running around after three kids my a*** still seems to bear a slight resemblance to jelly on a plate, but OMG how comfortable are those shoes!”

Only now as the autumn chill kicks in will I have to revert to the winter school uniform – new Ugg boots anyone?!

Unfortunately, breast feeding your baby, though seemingly the most natural thing in the world, is not always easy at first. I found it more than tricky with my first baby and together we finally got the hang of it after much frustration on both sides and many tubes of Lasinoh and Kamillosan cream!

It was exactly the same with my other two children – kind of a learning process again with each one. It’s difficult to explain to other people how painful cracked nipples are and how you feel like a failed parent if you resort to the bottle. My GP once said that though breast milk is the best nutrition you can offer your baby a sane and less exhausted mother is sometimes more important.

By baby number three I was convinced I would be feeding on the go whilst simultaneously cooking supper for my other two by week one! However, I just couldn’t get my baby to work out how to latch on properly. It was a complete nightmare, I was shattered, very emotional and decided out of desperation to head off to my nearest breast feeding support group. I’m sure for some people these groups are brilliant but I felt very exposed as the counsellor whipped out my breast in a matronly fashion in front of twenty other women and proceeded to instruct me as milk sprayed everywhere!

After this disastrous experience I called my husband sobbing into my mobile to come and take me home. Eventually I found a fantastic NCT Breast Feeding Counsellor. This lovely local mum saw me a couple of times on a one-to-one basis which worked out much better for me. She gave me so much amazing support with my third baby and was a shining example of sisterhood

The things I found most helpful at first with breast feeding difficulties were the following:

Silicon breast feeding shields – one of the most experienced midwives I came across said to me that whatever works for you is fine. The worry of not being able to latch your baby on properly and the agony of sore, bruised nipples can be helped in the short time by these shields, giving your body a bit of recovery time.

Avent breast pump – on days when I was just too sore to feed I would express my milk and feed via a bottle. The midwife suggested that this is a time consuming way around things and should be avoided until your feeding is well established but needs must at times.

Lasinoh Cream – this magic little purple tube of cream is really soothing and need not be wiped off prior to feeding.

My Breast Friend – a handy wrap around pillow which helps you to position your baby properly.

Seek support from your health visitor and GP, making sure that feeding problems don’t lead to mastitis – blocked milk ducts.

My best friend is a tandem breast feeding mum, feeding her two toddlers and baby! She is an enthusiastic member of the La Leche League and helps other mums with feeding difficulties. Naturally I sometimes compare myself to her and it took me a long time to realise that just because I found feeding harder than some, it was no reflection of my ability to be a good mummy.  

Another friend of mine openly admits that she is repulsed by all aspects of breast feeding. It never even crossed her mind that she would do anything other than feed her babies with SMA and a bottle. I was a bit shocked by this as she is such a loving and thoughtful mum in so many other ways. 

I guess the key is to keep things in perspective when you are feeling stressed about breast feeding or having difficulties. If you can do it then that’s brilliant for you and your baby, if you really struggle then just do what’s best for your family either by mixed or bottle feeding. At the end of the day the most important thing is that you enjoy your baby.

It’s so shameful that as a nation we may still be filling our children with turkey twizzlers and awful breaded nuggets for school lunch. Compare us with Italy, for example, who use fresh ingredients at no huge cost to feed their offspring proper brain food. 

I distinctly remember watching another one of Jamie’s programmes (think different series) where he entered a house via a back garden full of beer cans and cigarette butts in an attempt to teach a young mum how to cook a simple family meal. The children in this case had been living off of cheap fast food and were sat on the floor eating doner kebabs from polystyrene boxes. Their mother seemed to have no idea as to how to put together basic ingredients and that lack of food knowledge was scarily being passed down to her children.

By teaching our kids the basics as to how to live well and fuel their growing bodies properly we are giving them the amazing gift of a healthier future. Andrew Lansley seems to be missing the point that when we let our children think that certain unhealthy behaviours are ok & normal their judgement for accepting what he describes as ‘personal responsibilty’ in later life for their general health is skewed. Without getting the message out there the danger is for a perpetual cycle of ignorance and indifference being passed from one generation to another.

Let’s face it Jamie Oliver is rich enough not to bother with time consuming and unprofitable campaigns. The cynics may suggest that it’s all great PR but I really think that he shows a genuine desire for change and that in the case of school dinners he used his celebrity status to good effect.

It suddenly occurred to me that maybe putting her at the table with us would get a better response. I used our old plastic travel high chair booster seat and it worked a treat. She now shouts for the others when it’s meal time and jumps up enthusiastically to climb into the chair.

I think it’s part of growing up and wanting to feel part of family life at the table, rather than in a separate zone, especially in the usual chaos and laughter/squabbles of family meal times at our house!

We stayed with friend’s recently who had a brilliant Mothercare travel seat made of soft padded vinyl with a lovely front pouch to stop the baby from leaning too far forward. Something to consider if your budget won’t stretch to a Tripp Trapp or equivalent. I personally would advise against the funky fabric high chairs which slip over the back of seats unless you are happy to wash them in the machine after each use or until your baby/toddler develops perfect table manners! Check out the MM&Me market place and you might be lucky enough to pick up a bargain travel high chair that can be taken on holidays and weekends/days away too – also, hugely handy when friends with little ones pop by.

Having been soaked to the skin for three days under constant attack from ravenous leeches and angry monkeys I decided absolutely never ever again, though it remains a brilliant story to tell my kids who can’t quite believe I ever had a life without them in it.

Cut to, five years ago ‘we’ decided to go camping with a four year old and two year old in tow.

We bought the cheapest Millets family tent pack we could find, including four sleeping bags, crammed our little old Golf to the brim and headed off to Dorset one bank holiday.

We made our way to Downshay Farm overlooking Corfe Castle near Swanage. The farmer only lets his fields out for certain weekends a year and as we arrived late on a Friday the rolling fields were already filling up fast with the most professional looking encampments full of huge tents, windbreakers, picnic tables, gazebo’s and stoves to rival my Smeg range at home! We had serious camp envy and made a mental list of all the brilliant little gadgets, bucket BBQ’s, etc. and vowed that if we had a good time we would invest in more equipment.

As it was we had an absolute ball. The children had a real sense of freedom for the first time roaming the large field under our watchful eye. We made camp fires from wood collected in the copse nearby, roasted marshmallows, read stories by torchlight and drank red wine under the stars whilst our grubby kids slept soundly with exhaustion. The sun shone all weekend and we all caught the camping bug albeit as ‘fair weather campers’.

A couple of years later we bought a great new Outwell Montana tent, one in which we could actually stand up! It had a large sleeping area which meant that rather than sleep with one child each we could all be in together until the kids became older and we could insert separate pods. Again, we had a fantastic time despite the fact that it literally poured with rain on the last day which meant lots of swearing packing up and drying out everything on our return within our very small terraced house for an entire week.

Putting aside the rain, the blow up beds which always seem to have a puncture somewhere, the need to use the loo in the middle of the night and getting tangled up in the sleeping bag it is totally worth it.

In the year of the ‘staycation’ and economising I recommend you give it a go. If you can’t brave the full experience then why not try a bit of ‘glamping’ with Featherdown Farms. A cross between Little House on the Prairie and a Cath Kidston photo shoot so I’m told. They provide the luxury tent with flushing toilet and woodburner, etc. and you bring supplies – you can even hire bed linen and towels – duvets provided!

Buying, selling, swapping and sharing secondhand stuff is not new. Far from it. People have been doing it for centuries especially when things were built to last and designed to be passed-on and around the community. Everything was recycled, cleaned and re-used in an attempt to save money and help associates, friends and family. This can be said of most goods today which comply with the rigorous standards of modern manufacture for the children and family market, such as kite marks in the UK.

Most of the secondhand pre-loved items on secondhand baby websites have been carefully selected by their owners initially, therefore purchasers or swappers will benefit from all the hours of research, care and brand selection employed. If you haven’t already, take a look around our secondhand baby, family and parenting website and trade or purchase a few things. You’ll never feel the same way about buying new again (and you’ll be directly contributing to saving the planet in a wholly green activity).