“Look at you, you beautiful birthing Goddess!” – Midwife to mother 30 minutes before birth.

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“I believe that all first-time mothers need an episiotomy.” – OB during routine prenatal exam.

Wow. You are so tight, I can’t imagine being in your shoes the first time you have sex.” -GYN to 17 year old woman during her first internal exam.

“It’s a good thing you didn’t have that home birth you wanted, because you would have had a dead baby on your hands.” – NICU nurse to a pregnant woman who was transitioning from a home birth midwife to a high-risk OB after a significant birth defect was identified.

“If your baby isn’t bathed immediately, we consider her a bio-hazard and she can not be in the nursery at all.” – L&D Nurse to mother after birth.

“What made you think you had any right to have a baby at home?” – L&D Nurse to a mother who transferred in labor for partial placental abruption.

“I’m sure your water didn’t break, you just peed your pants.” – L&D Nurse to mother who called to inform them her membranes had ruptured.

“If you can’t handle that, you’ll never be able to handle natural childbirth.” – OB to mother after an extremely painful cervical exam.

“Well, I hate to be the grim reaper… but you are no longer going to be able to have your baby at the birth center.” -Midwife to mother at 40 weeks with an ultrasound showing low amniotic fluid.

“I can only use records from a trained professional.” -OB to home birth transfer mother, when the OB would not accept her prenatal records from her midwife.