“I once had a woman, completely naked all through labor, leaning over the bed.  I was catching poop and the baby all at the same time.  Oh, and I was on the floor.” – OB during an interview, when asked if the OB was open to different birthing positions.

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“Questions?”  - OB’s only words upon entering the exam room for a 16 week prenatal.

Mother replied that she had lower back pain.

“Yeah, things are going to hurt and it is only going to get worse.” – OB before turning and walking out of the room.

“Why are you crying?” – Nurse Practitioner to woman who wanted to be a mother,  when she was told she may have have trouble conceiving.

“We’re all hungry! You’re keeping all of us from our lunches!” -OB to mother when the mother stated at 9CM that she was hungry.

“You’re going to make him an emotional cripple. Seven months is way too long to be nursing.” – OB to mother nursing her infant while at a prenatal for another pregnancy.

“You don’t need to pump, you need to rest. In some cultures, they don’t even breastfeed for the first 24 hours, so you’re still ahead of the game!” – Postpartum nurse to mother who had repeatedly requested a breast pump so she could express milk for her 6-hour-old baby who was in the NICU for observation.

“Oh, so she *WAS* pretty big then.” -OB to mother after the birth of her baby who weighed 8lbs 2oz at birth.

“Alright, now I’m going to insert the speculum. It looks like a duck bill. Quack Quack!” – Family Practice doctor to 17 year woman, undergoing her first pelvic exam, while opening and closing the speculum blades like a hand puppet.

“I can’t believe I have been put in this position!  I absolutely resent that I am now responsible for your life and delivering this baby, you have no right thinking you can safely deliver a child when you are so overweight.” – OB to mother at birth.

“My babies usually wait until I am in town to be born.” –  Midwife to mother while explaining why she planned to be out of town the weekend the mother was due.