I started out researching an article for Father’s Day. Then I ran across two thought-provoking pieces of research … that means this is not about Father’s Day. The first article, titled What Men Want,was a survey of men that indicated their biggest need from their spouses was respect. Interestingly, the same survey also polled 7,000 women, with over half saying their husbands stressed them out more than their kids.

Now here is where things get interesting.

According to Christian research company The Barna Group, mothers are more and more assuming the role of the spiritual head of the household. In their most recent survey, Barna points out some interesting facts about the spirituality of Christian mothers versus fathers. Some highlights include:

• Mothers outpace fathers in terms of spiritual activity and commitment. In fact, the Barna survey examined 12 different elements of faith behavior and perspective. Mothers were distinct from fathers on 11 of the 12 factors.
• When it comes to spiritual perspectives, the majority of mothers said they have been greatly transformed by their faith, while less than half of fathers had shared this experience.
• In a typical week, mothers are more likely than are fathers to attend church, pray, read the Bible, participate in a small group, attend Sunday school, and volunteer some of their time to help a nonprofit organization.

When taken together, these two pieces of research paint an interesting picture. What we as men want is respect. But what we want to be respected for has little to do with what women want to respect us for.

So what to do?

First, moms who have to assume the spiritual mantel in the household while not necessarily being the head of their household deserve a tremendous amount of credit. The church, other women, and all fellow believers must support them.

Secondly, we have got to engage fathers in an effort to help them assume their God-given role as the spiritual head of the household. My experience suggests the desire by men is there when both individuals in a marriage are believers. The problem rests in a lack of know-how by many men. So many of us do not have a frame of reference. Our fathers did not do it, and we do not even know where to start or what it looks like. In counseling newly wed men on the topic, my advice is two-fold: Focus on your relationship with the Lord first. He will provide what you need to lead your family, and your wife will follow. Also, find a mentor who is leading his family well, and sit at his feet and learn.

Until next time…

Jeff

And it involves personal expertise. Kris and I were reflecting the other day on the blessing MyParentLab has been for both of us. By any measure, the site’s success has continued to grow. When we started out in October 2011, we both agreed to a two-year commitment to the project to see what would happen. As we approach the two-year mark, it is becoming clear we will need some help in a couple key areas if we are to continue.

First, we need some help on ideas for monetizing some aspect of the site. This labor of love carries with it sacrifice and expense. Sacrifice is easy when it is a labor of love. The expenses, however, do not seem to care what kind of labor it is.

Second, we need some expertise on how to expand the influence of the site. If you are reading this, hopefully you believe in this project and believe (like we do) that there are millions of Christian parents who need all the help they can get (again, help like we need).

To be clear, this is not a solicitation for a donation. We would not take it if it were offered. But if you or someone you know has the expertise, interest, and inclination to be involved with MyParentLab, we would love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Jeff & Kris

This is a guest post by Kym Carter. Kym is a dynamic and engaging speaker who has a passion for families and for God’s Word. Kym is President and Co-Founder of Legacy Moms, a non-profit ministry founded in 2006, which believes women are called to pass on Biblical Truth from one generation to the next. Kym has worked as a television producer, writer, and on-camera talent.

There may not be a more complicated relationship in all of life than the one that exists between a mother and her daughter. Author Victoria Secunda put it like this, “No relationship is as highly charged as that between mother and daughter, or as riddled with expectations that could, like a land mine, detonate with a single misstep…. and no relationship is as bursting with possibilities of goodwill and understanding.” Daughters can be so wonderful because they are so much like us, and then so infuriating because, well…they are so much like us! Many moms that I talk to love, love, love having a little girl to dress up in ruffles and bows, do tea parties with, and take shopping, but they secretly fear the ominous teen years with a daughter. They have bought into the lie our culture tells us, which is that the teen years will be marked with rebellion, drama, and tears. I don’t believe this. I know plenty of mother-daughter relationships with teen girls (including my own) that are incredible, fun, loving, and full of joy. I don’t believe the teen years have to be awful. In fact, I believe they can be some of the most fulfilling years as a parent. The secret? It is TRUST. I believe when you start early building a relationship of trust with your daughter, spending time with her, listening to her, being a positive influence in her life, being her biggest supporter, setting firm and loving boundaries for her, and pouring truth into her life, you are investing in a future best friend. When you build a bridge to your daughter early on, you create a bond that is not easily broken by the lies of our culture, hormones, mean girls and low self-esteem. That is why my ministry, Legacy Moms, created The Mother Daughter Workshop. It is a one-day event for mothers and their daughters ages 7-12 to build a bond. Through one-on-one discussions, meaningful and age-appropriate group sessions, games, crafts, and special mother-daughter songs, we have created an event that both moms and daughters say is one of the best days they have ever spent together. Here’s what Denise, a past attendee, said about the event:

“THANK YOU for doing the Mother Daughter Workshop.  It was an amazing time for (my daughter) and I to connect in lots of ways – from the talks to the discussion questions to the craft. God has given you an ability to not only connect with moms – but with daughters too. Thank you for the age-appropriate talk about butterflies/caterpillars and boundaries. She understood it (age7) and was able to tell her dad about it when we got home. She even asked me when we could do something like that again!”

Our next event is happening in Grapevine, Texas on June 22 from 10am-3pm at 121 Community Church and is open to everyone. Space is limited but you can still register at www.legacymoms.org, but do so now because registration ends on Friday. We hope to see you there because your little girl is growing up fast, and this could be a day that changes everything!

I am continuing a look at philosophical beliefs that lead to either good or bad in a child’s life. In my last blog, I highlighted a belief that inevitably leads to disaster. Today I want to remind us of one that continually leads to good. Truth comes first. You may think this is an obvious statement and a pretty straight forward item to be checked off the list on things to teach the kids…you better reconsider. It’s not one of the things, it’s THE thing. It affects everything else.

Virtually every point of persuasive information that comes into the average child’s life boasts a view point NOT rooted in truth. Most every main stream American view point, especially those aimed at the middle aged and younger, are based on two things: emotion and feelings.

It is obvious to any clear thinking individual that decisions based on emotions and feelings, not rooted in truth, will lead to a life of unwanted consequences. When emotions or feelings are substituted for truth in the decision making process, it truly touches every part of a human being’s life! We literally become the end product of our choices; consequently, the reasoning behind every major decision better be based on something solid and unchanging.

How would you like your kids to make their decisions about pre-marital sex, drug or alcohol use, the friends they choose in college, whether to cheat on a test, which job to take, who to marry, etc…on the basis of feeling and/or emotion? The culture says to follow your heart. On the other hand, Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is more deceitful than all else, and is desperately sick. Who can understand it?”

Emotions and feelings are great as long as they are subjected to truth.

I constantly dialogue with my kids about current events and things they are interested in with the singular reason of teaching them how to filter information through the grid of truth. If they are able and desire to see the world through a lens of truth, nothing will ever derail them…if they cannot or will not, nothing else they do can help them.

To find out what you’re up against and what you better prepare for, click here.

Coach

If you do not know Amanda, your kids do. She is the latest Britney Spears…complete with all the fame, fortune, legal issues, and bizarre behavior. And who could forget the past five years Tiger Woods has experienced?

What do they have in common? They possess what a majority of kids say they want. According to a Pew Research Center poll, 81% of this generation of kids said their number one goal for adulthood is to be rich. 51% of kids say their second goal for adulthood is to be famous.

My experience suggests Christian kids are not much different. Having interviewed hundreds of Christian teens over the past decade, when asked what they want to be when they grow up, inevitably the majority answer with a profession involving fame and fortune.

Proverbs 23:4-5 tells us:

“Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust your own cleverness.

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings
and fly off to the sky like an eagle.”

Just as I am sure I will never win the lottery because God needs me to be focused on His will for my life, it is imperative my kids value the right things. We have to fight the culture that values fame and fortune above all else. Perhaps the great hymn, “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” puts it best: (Here is a great rendition by Hillsong.)

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace”

So, at every turn, it is my responsibility to use the examples so readily available in the news to point out the fleeting nature of fame and fortune. And, instead, point my kids to the true definition of success guaranteed by the Bible in Psalm 1:1-6.

Until next time,

Jeff

Today’s topic is one your kids probably will not like. In fact, some of us may disagree as parents, but my experience suggests great parents choose protection over privacy. Here is what I mean. To know what we were thinking when we were kids, our parents simply had to read our diaries. And the primary threat to many of us was the walk home from school. Consider this list of private communication mediums this generation is commonly using: email, texts, Facebook, Twitter, apps like Snapchat, Kik, Photo Secret Calculator, and the web browser. (If you are not familiar with the apps above, they are responsible for recent national stories surrounding sexting, teen suicide, and child abductions.)

The prospect of managing our children’s presence in the virtual world can be daunting. After all, there are new apps everyday, and our kids know more about all of them than we do. But parents who successfully navigate these waters have several things in common:

• They are open with their kids about monitoring their various devices and accounts. This is couched in terms of love and protection (even if the child does not agree with it).
• They require passwords from their kids when necessary.
• They randomly check various apps and devices. They do not daily check 18 different websites and devices; they simply use discernment and check on things on a regular basis.

If you are not already doing these things, there is no better time to start. Sure, you may experience some initial “blow back.” But that pales in comparison to what is at stake when unawareness rules the day. You might be surprised to find your child is relieved to know you are watching. After all, it gives them an easy way out of peer pressure, and 75% say they are secretly hoping their parents will play the role of the bad guy.

Until next time…

Jeff

P.S. Did you know that if you use Apple devices, you can share your account in the App Store with your child and see every app they download?

When a child’s behavior isn’t what you expect, it always goes back to their fundamental philosophical beliefs…their most basic methods of viewing the world.

In my last post, I promised to outline a few common philosophical viewpoints that lead to noble behavior, and a few that lead to bad behavior.

Consider philosophical viewpoint #1, which leads to bad behavior…equality is a virtue.

I can hear some asking now, “What’s wrong with that? Equality is good, isn’t it?” Well in some areas it can be, but certainly not all the time. For the past 40 to 50 years, “equality” has replaced morality on the college campus and has been driven down into grade school by our public education system. What does this look like when it plays out? On a big scale, it’s redefining the definition of marriage for the first time in the history of the world. In the debate on marriage, would you like equality or morality to win the argument? Though it sounds appealing initially, if equality is not governed, that is, filtered by the screen of morality, it can be disastrous if not evil.

If I choose not to look for a job, though I am fully able, should the government send me a vacation stipend to make sure I’m not left out? (Without a job, I could not afford a vacation, you know.) I have three kids…don’t you want them to enjoy childhood as much as your kids? Don’t they deserve equal treatment?

The European model of equality is based on the idea that equality is to be attained in the end. The American model of equality is based on the idea that equality is a gift in the beginning. (To us Americans, where you end up in the end depends on what you do or fail to do!)

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” (Notice we are not guaranteed happiness only the freedom to pursue it.)

The socialist European goal of equality is to make the masses equal. The American goal of equality is for individuals to make of themselves whatever they will and to go as far as their personal talents, gifts, and abilities will take them.

How did our country lose its moral compass? Why is there less moral fabric in our nation than ever before? Why do I have to be so careful about what is constantly popping up on my TV screen? Because we have raised an entire generation that values “equality” above morality…and they are currently carrying more influence than anyone else.

Next time, we’ll look at a philosophical viewpoint that will lead your child and mine into noble behavior.  In the meantime, go have the “equality” talk with your shining stars!

Coach

I was sitting in my living room listening to one of the top news programs in the world to stay up to date on current events. Suddenly the program invited a special guest on to the show, a political “expert” to give his opinions. What kind of insight would you expect to receive from a guy who is a nationally known political commentator, columnist for USA Today, has served as Secretary of State, and currently co-hosts a national news program?

I would expect some astute observations about whatever topic he is being asked to discuss. However, toward the end of the interview, the host asked our “expert” what percentage of a certain decision was political and what percentage was philosophy. The expert looked irritated as he gave this revealing answer, “Politics and philosophy have never crossed paths or been intertwined in my lifetime.”

That quote could be the most false statement I have ever heard from a smart adult with the full intention of being serious.

That’s like saying that Michael Jordan’s athletic ability is not intertwined with the fact that he became one of the greatest basketball players ever, or that the design of the Egyptian pyramids have nothing to do with how long they have continued to stand! You and I wouldn’t even know Jordan if he wasn’t born with a certain level of athleticism. Granted, there are skills that can be developed associated with a certain game, but there has to be a base of athleticism to start from.  Quite obviously, there has to be a point of origin from which an outcome flows.

ALL politics…ALL political beliefs find their ORIGIN and flow from a certain philosophical belief. Here’s an example. I am an avid supporter of traditional marriage and oppose any other definition for marriage outside of one man and one woman. That is my political view. This is the natural outcome that flows from my philosophical belief that the Bible is the infallible, authoritative Word of God, in which he has clearly defined and settled this issue. Philosophy first. Political position second. There exists NOT ONE political position outside of a philosophical framework.

Here is the sad part. When our “expert,” who influences tens of thousands of people weekly, said “Politics and philosophy have never crossed paths or been intertwined in my lifetime,” he believes it! And just as bad, the questioner just blinked and moved on, never even acknowledging it, much less refuting it.

I said all that to say one thing about parenting. If one of our children continually behaves in a way that demonstrates a different viewpoint than they are supposed to, I would suggest that there are two possibilities why that is the case:

1. They do not understand clearly enough the philosophical truth that supports their parents’ desired behavior. (I kind of understand, but I didn’t know it was that big of a deal.)
2. They do understand the philosophical truth position of their parents, but they do not ascribe enough value to it for it to effect change. (I know what you’re saying, I just don’t care right now.)

As you can see, these situations call for different methods of approach. When a child’s behavior isn’t what you expect, it always goes back to their fundamental philosophical beliefs. Hence, train up a child in the way he should go…

The next couple of excerpts will outline a few philosophical viewpoints that lead to noble behavior, and a few that lead to disastrous behavior.

Train deep,

Coach

Thanks to you sharing our story, April was the best month in the 18-month history of MyParentLab! Hopefully you have noticed we are not trying to sell anything, rather we are focusing on Biblical parenting from a practical and applicable perspective. I remain convinced that Believers genuinely want to do the best job they can with their kids…and we just need to beg, borrow, and steal all the good ideas we can find.

Last month, with your help, we were able to reach 15,000 people in 29 different countries. Of those, almost half accessed the site with their mobile devices. Starting today, I am excited to announce a mobile site that will enhance your experience on your iPad, iPhone, or other handheld device.

In addition, last month Kris and I published our first eBook entitled, 10 Things Every Christian Parent Should Know (And Do). It is on our website and free to new subscribers. However, we would not be where we are without your help, so if you would like a copy, please email us here, and I will make sure one finds its way into your inbox.

If you find that we are simply cluttering your inbox, you can always unsubscribe at the bottom of every email. But if you believe in what we are doing, we hope you will continue to partner with us by sharing the news on MyParentLab.com.

Eternally Grateful,

Jeff

I don’t care how much credit a good parent gets, it isn’t enough…on the other hand you cannot estimate the damage caused through the years by a poor parent. We are all going to make repeated mistakes, so when I say poor, I’m not talking about my ability or yours as a parent. I’m talking about our intentionality and EFFORT. Today I want to discuss two obstacles we must fight to ensure our kids’ success—people and convenience.

I believe one of the most important things necessary in order to successfully parent is to associate with other parents and like-minded people who share your values and passion for the next generation and will not accept mediocrity when it comes to raising godly kids. If you spend lots of time surrounded by folks or have lots of exposure to ideas that do not align with this vision, two things will happen. You will constantly compromise your core beliefs in order to maintain a certain palatable relationship standard, and inevitably this will deteriorate those foundational beliefs you hold dear in your heart.

I Corinthians 15:33 – Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Planning and navigating interaction with the right people is a tougher road. The wrong people can be more convenient and initially easier on child and parent…but the consequences are deadly! If we run a compromising, “easy” home, we are playing with fire. It is the child’s responsibility to yield to the guidance of the parent, not the parent’s job to please the child. My job as a parent is to structure a home upholding the highest standards that will lead to success for my kids if they follow that leadership. It’s my obligation to facilitate an environment that is loving and intentional, NOT to facilitate an environment that is convenient or even comfortable if the comfort conflicts with the right values.

Proverbs 29:15 – …Reproof gives wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

People and convenience…both can be blessings, and both can be obstacles.

Coach

P.S. – The more right people we have around, the fewer obstacles seem to pop up!