My Year Long Quest for Serenity

This Way or That...That is the Question!

2012-07-15T22:17:00.000-05:00

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

Really thinking about this excerpt from the Dr. Seuss book..."Oh the Place You'll Go!"..gets me wondering if we really do decide where we go? We can choose the path, but the Lord tells us in Jeremiah that He knows our future.

My family and I are definitely at some crossroads as of lately. We are going to Haiti in November, my husband and I, are. My daughter will join us down in Haiti the second week we will be there. We are excited and it felt more real to me when we finally went and began the passport processing yesterday. My daughter just got back only but a couple of weeks ago and she blessed our hearts with the stories and pictures from there. It was as if a fire that long ago went out was rekindled and lit.

When I was but fifteen years old, I felt the leading that I was to be a missionary. I even looked into some Bible colleges and sent off for some literature. That year of my sophomore year of high school was a tough year for me. I felt so distant from everything and was really beginning to ask God what He wanted to do with me...what direction was I suppose to be going. But as teenagers are, that was fleeting and then came marriage at the age of eighteen. I had all four of my beautiful children by the ripe age of twenty nine.

Here I am now thirty nine years old and am finally going to see the need for the Lord in other countries! I am excited and scared all in one, but as I sat tonight in the choir, I thought of that fifteen year old girl that had wondered if missions was the calling from God...and it is quite overwhelming to hear my Father say to me in that small still voice tonight.."Haiti is your mission." I am actually trembling typing this only because it feels unsure and unsafe to type that, but I know that I will come back to the USA a different person..I have seen my daughters metamorphosis and it is so beautiful!

I know the safest thing to type here tonight is that I am sure of one thing, and that is my salvation and assurance through my Jesus...and He promises to never leave nor forsake me, so that is comforting. In which direction He points, will be the door I walk through, knowing that He came and calls the weak to be strong, the lame to walk again, the blind to see, the weary to unload all their burdens, the sick to trust, the tired to not be weary in well doing, the bitter to let go, the angry to release, the hungry to be filled, the thirsty to never thirst again, the hopeless to find hope in His promises, the sinner to come to repentance and the directionless to seek and He will show you the path.

What an EF4 Tornado Can Do and Not Do

2012-04-10T09:01:00.001-05:00

Some weeks back we had a category EF4 tornado blow through our little town of Harrisburg IL. This is the timeline of that morning:

4:59am -Tornado hits the south part of Harrisburg staying on the ground for approximately 26 miles into the little town of Ridgeway

6:15 am -My phone rings. My neighbor, "Tracy is our homes ok there?" "Yes...why?", I respond. "Well a tornado just hit Harrisburg!" she states. "What...where did it go through?" I ask. She explains the path it took...I ask.."Do I still have a place to work?" She confers with her co-workers, "I don't think so Tracy." I am just stunned.

6:20 am- I call my boss..she seems dazed and confused. She tells me to wait and not come into town that she needs to try to go and see how the Optometry building faired.

6:30 am- I tell my husband the path of the tornado. My husband is so worried about his cousin Bo, e that he throws his chainsaw into the back of the truck and takes off.

7:00 am- Bad cell service because of the storm damage but my hubby calls and breaking up he states that he can't even get into town because they had all main routes into town blocked off. He says to me that it resembled a war zone....he was saddened by all the destruction.

9:00 am- I speak with my pastors wife about the tornado...she asks me to pray for one of ladies (Linda) I go to church with...the pastor was trying and trying to call her to see if she was ok, but no answer. She was living in the hardest hit areas.

9:30 am- Andy comes home we are watching the TV non-stop and our hearts were crying out for the people in Harrisburg, IL

10:00- My hubby goes back to town with his equipment with a neighbor (Jim) to see if they can help in the relief effort.

10:00-3:00 pm....I wait...no news

3:30 pm- I call my boss at work...she says we still have a building but 3 doors down those place are completely leveled.

4:00pm- I run into a neighbor she says there was 21 year old girl that died...I used to babysit her when I was teenager. My heart breaks for the family.

4:30pm- My pastors wife called...they found Linda...her son found her...she was gone. I cry...I will miss her and her great personality and great sense of humor.

5:00 pm- My hubby and Jim come back they helped an older couple that was living in a trailer. The old man told my hubby and Jim that one minute he was in the bathroom the next minute he was standing outside and his house was gone. His son came to help find his mom and she was under the rubble,stunned, asking what was on top of her. The son says "the whole dang house is on you mom!"....she simply states, "well get it off me!"

7:00pm- Death count is up to 5

9:00 pm- Volunteers from all over the US begin coming in.

10:00pm- An EF4 tornado can destroy much, take lives, but it can not destroy compassion.

To be continued:

Whitney Houston and My Bloggers Block

2012-02-12T23:18:00.000-06:00

Young Whitney Houston

Why does blogging seem hard lately? I have many things to be thankful for and I feel very blessed, but it seems to me that I have Bloggers Block as of lately. Its really frustrating...but am I am over thinking it too much...probably. I tend to do that with things. My husband tells me the other day, that I think about things too deeply sometimes, and that causes my downward spiral. It was the death of Whitney Houston that has gotten me to thinking about this life...was she seeking for serenity? I know she has the "Christian" songs out there, but that does not mean that she wasn't seeking for peace or that she knew that peace.
"The biggest devil is me. I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy," Houston told ABC's Diane Sawyer in an infamous 2002 interview with then-husband Brown by her side.

We are definitely our own worst enemies...right? I know I am...I call myself fat, ugly, stupid, bad mother, bad wife.....bad blogger...etc...etc...

I heard a preacher once preach an entire sermon while a man held a white, pristine piece of paper up with one black dot in the middle of it.The whole point was that most people will only look at the black dot...they will forget about all the white around the black dot. So what is that suppose to mean...most people will only look at the things we do wrong, they rarely look at all the good things we do on a daily basis...so if people around us see the bad thing then what do we do to ourselves? I mean isn't that what Whitney done...seeking only self fulfillment through her voice and music? Many expectations, but as she aged, she couldn't quite hit those expectations of others...I read where she apologized for her voice often in recent years. When seeking the approval of others, it sends us into a downward spiral with no end but one. Seeking Gods will and being persistent after Jesus is the only way to find true peace. I never said it was easy, but its definitely worth it. I have this much to say to critics...in the end I might be wrong about Jesus, and I will have hopefully led a life trying to walk after my God. But in the end if I am right, I will have an eternal life in heaven... My critics though, in the end will live a life doing what pleases them all the time and what is best for them, but if they are wrong about God, you will still have led a self propelled life and hell to look forward to. I think I will take my chances with God.

I see the hand of God this last week, I seen him answer a prayer that we all had been desperately seeking God on for months. A few months back though I began to talk to an older gentleman from my church. He said that I needed to change my prayer, the way I was praying for a particular person. I was praying and asking God to bring the young man to the knowledge of Jesus Christ and have faith in Jesus in order to have salvation. But instead the gentleman told me to pray and Thank God for what He is going to do for the young man...go ahead and take the extra step of faith and Thank God. Wow! It changed and has changed the way I will begin to pray for others. I have been praying for that young man in that fashion for several months now, and he finally came to have faith in Jesus Christ and I went to his baptism today...how awesome!

So while I was at this baptism I was talking with an older man (Bill) and his wife. The older man says to me.."You sure have pretty eyes!" I say, "Well thank you!" He continues, " Well I'm color blind, but they sure are pretty eyes!" I ask, " What color do they look to you...purple?" He states matter of factly, "I don't know, I'm color blind!" So for today I will take the compliment and be thankful, even if the person complimenting me is color blind.

Maybe Whitney relied a bit too much on drugs and alcohol to bring her that temporary joy and happiness, but I will look to what God is doing around me and be thankful for such an abundant life. He truly is the road to serenity and peace. I will be thankful for the all the white around the black dot...because I only want to focus on the good for today.

One Lone Bird

2012-01-31T20:04:00.000-06:00

The Lone Bird

Its been some time since I last blogged. I am under the assumption that is due to the lack of inspiration. Curious isn't it? I began this blog to inspire myself...to find serenity in the smallest of things each day, yet I haven't felt inspired enough to even find the smallest things each day inspirational? Ah...I sense a presence of something more here...a common enemy the "joy zapper".. as I fondly name him.

I was actually out again today running the roads, and I noticed a lone bird flying high in the sky. The skies had been threatening rain all day, but it still had not, at this point. You may wonder why one bird would even begin to get my attention, but it was not what it was doing, but what it was NOT doing.
Just behind this lone bird...not far behind was more birds...I would say 5 more. Then there was at least 10 more birds flying and encircling a bluff area that bottoms into a beautiful Lusk Creek tributary. I was trying to figure out why this bird was alone when so many of the other birds were together. I definitely noted that he was not a leader, but more just "out there" by himself. Yes there were 5 behind him a ways trying to just "be" with him...fly with him, yet he pursued the opposite direction away from them. Why? I watched this for some time, and finally lost sight of the lone bird. I watched the others pursuing after him and finally they also disappeared into the cloudy, crisp sky. All I wondered is...why? Why go it alone?

Don't we often feel as if we have to "go it alone"? I have been feeling quite lonely in recent days. Maybe the common enemy we all face daily wants us to feel alone. God assures in His word that we are never alone, never forsaken, never abandoned. Right? Then why does some days...most days we feel alone? Because this common enemy wants us and desires us to separate ourselves making us feel alone and that our situations will never change. We make the agreement with the accuser then we even place our personal wax seal on the outside of the envelope assuring ourselves, that yes we are alone.

David, who later became king, was basically being hunted by King Saul...all because Saul was jealous that David had been anointed by God Himself, to be the next king. So David left everything and everybody he knew and fled for his life. That moment of fleeting led him straight to a cave..all by himself. Listen to this Psalms: 142:
1 With my voice I cry out to the LORD; with my voice I plead for mercy to the LORD. 2 I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. 3 When my spirit faints within me, you know my way! In the path where I walk they have hidden a trap for me. 4 Look to the right and see:there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul. 5 I cry to you, O LORD; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." 6 Attend to my cry, for I am brought very low! Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me! 7Bring me out of prison, that I may give thanks to your name! The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me.

David, whom the Bible says was a man after Gods own heart, felt like that? Yep...he sure did...David was only human, as we all are. That bird I spoke about at the beginning of this blog wasn't all alone. There were other birds, but he chose to fly alone. They even sought after him, but again, he flew alone. Is our God seeking you today. God has placed specific friends in your life to seek after you, to help you, to pray for you, to love you. Will you allow them to do that? Will you allow them to love you or is pride getting in the way?

I was thinking of someone that I had the chance to speak with this last week. She felt alone...very alone. She has lost a lot of weight from the trials and hardships she is enduring. The Lord just opened the door wide for me to ask her if she had a relationship with Jesus...did she know Him? I mean really...many people know about Jesus, but they don't really "know" Him. To know Him, accept His sacrifice on the cross and really hear Him and feel His presence in our lives...its amazing! It is a gift..nothing we can earn. I told her very pointedly that she needed Him...and if she had Him and her family, nothing mattered...everything else is only temporal. But she still told me that she felt alone...I think again of that lone bird.

The Old Oak Tree & Mighty Protector

As I ran back to the house tonight, I saw this amazing large oak tree by the lonely road in which I was running on (pic on right). I thought to myself how magnificent it was and its enormousness. It hovered over the road, like a protector stretching its limbs over me and the road in which I ran on. I couldn't help but to look up above me and smile for the thoughts of my mighty God stretching His hand over me and protecting me. It became so clear in my heart, so clearly through His nature giving me a peace that I can not even begin to describe, but its a deep inner strength, in which He gives to those who believe in not only what He is doing presently, but what He will do for us in the future. I am thanking Him for what He is going to do for me tomorrow. David later wrote this Psalms and I assure you he probably felt like his situation was never going to change in the previous Psalm 142:

Psalms:147 1-12

1 Praise the LORD! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. 2 The LORD builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. 3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 4 He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. 5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. 6 The LORD lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground. 7 Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! 8 He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. 9 He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. 10 His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, 11 but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. 12 Praise the LORD, O Jerusalem! Praise your God, O Zion!

Its is good to know that He has the stars numbered and He loves us more than that! If you haven't ever felt alone...you will, but may you always remember that you are not..His loving hand branches over you and protects you even when you don't feel Him above you. I am not alone.

God's branches above me today!

Ten Random Acts of Kindness

2012-01-25T22:17:00.000-06:00

Thoughts of kindness came upon me this last week. Random acts of kindness. You know those little things that get you through the day? We all do them, even the harshest of personalities will do a kind thing some times. I have met some real distasteful persons in my life, but even they can do kind things at times. There was a time when I went through a toll booth from the Illinois border into the Indiana border. The toll was sixty cents and out of the blue my daughter Lindsay says, "Mom pay for the car behind us!" I ask why and she says she thought it would just be kind. The person behind us didn't know us, but as we pulled away, I could see the toll booth person pointing at our car and you know what....it felt pretty good!
So here is some randomly perspective ideas that happened just this week and how kindness from others and ourselves transfer...and God will bless it:

#1 Last Friday my hubby and I went out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Red Lobster! I looked forward to eat all week. We received a fifty dollar gift card from our daughters boyfriend, Ethan, and when we got there they had a great deal going on, a 4 course meal for $15 each...we even had money left over! Kindness through a gift!

#2 Last Friday after eating at Red Lobster we were driving in front of the mall, it was very, very cold outside and we seen 2 girls trying to get the hood of their car open. My hubby stops and fills their vehicle with anti freeze and even shows the young lady how to open her hood. I even got out to help them break down their very stubborn baby stroller, so they could load it into their car. Taking the time to be kind can be very rewarding.

#4 I stopped at a neighbors house that just recently burned. I was able to talk to them about some needs that they might have had. Although they didn't need anything, I felt good about just asking my neighbor if they needed help or support. Using encouragement through speech to be kind.

#4 Sunday morning I give a lesson to the teens about random acts of kindness because of the events (or random acts of kindness) that happened on Friday and Saturday...how cool was that! What goes around..comes around ;)

#5 Sunday morning I noticed home made dolls that were hung at the church. Apparently they are shipping them to an orphanage over seas to encourage the children in the Lord. Feeling a bit useless in the "sewing" department, I went to the organizer of this event and told her that I could paint faces on the dolls if she needed that service. She later called me that afternoon and told me that she had been praying for someone to help with the faces, as she had only one other volunteer to paint. She had lots of other women who were helping to sew! What a blessing! Even when we feel as if we do not have anything to offer, kindness by offering might surprise one's self!

#6 My daughter is wanting to go to Haiti this summer on a missions trip. Her dad and I told her that we would figure out the money part, especially if this is God's will for her to go into the mountains and take supplies to the hut dwellers there. She was later told that day that the church will more than likely support her fully to go..amazing! Kindness comes through others quite often, if we look for it.

#7 Another day at work. Another face walking up to the counter, but wait..something is different...I can't quite put my finger on it, but I do believe this man is..yes...yes... genuinely kind?? Why yes he thanked me continuously for putting new nose pads on his glasses and because I didn't charge him, he thanked me profusely. I watched him as he walked out, because he was so kind to me and I wondered what he was driving. Instead I watched that man with a very heavy coat and very thick glasses, get on his bike and leave...that is kindness in words and respect....that was really very nice.

#8 I school the boys most of the day, fix a big meal and am usually exhausted on Tuesdays. But my brother in law, Phil, calls on the phone and asks us to come join them for some supper and visit for a while. I went, but it was my sister in laws birthday and I felt terrible about her cooking on her birthday, but I think we both enjoyed each others company that night...that was kind, I thought, especially considering it was HER birthday! Putting others before yourself is most definitely kind.

#9 When I got home tonight my son Adam was vacuuming the floors...that was kind. I like to run, as you know, but when I get home, it is dark. So I asked my daughter to drive the car behind me, so I could run...she was glad to do it...that was kind. Physically doing an odd job for some one is surely kind.

#10 The kindest thing today, was when my co-worker Deb came to tell me that my hubby was out front. When I got to the front desk at work, he just looked at me and said, "I just stopped by to say that I love you.".....That was kind. Even the simplest things in this crazy life, can be very kind.

I thought to myself today that I really do not have much to blog about, but I realized that I do have much to be thankful for. These random acts of kindness really go along way each day..each hour...each moment and they do not go unnoticed. Thanks to my blog for helping me tonight to realize the random acts of kindness that are revolving around each day! May your cup runneth over today!

LUKE 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

Relationships are Complicated

2012-01-21T21:58:00.000-06:00

So I was thinking again the other day about relationships. I mean I am not forcing you to read my blog, and my insight may or may not be right, but to be able to freely type my thoughts and share them is pretty amazing!
Relationships are complicated in general ..right? I dated my husband for two and half years before marriage, and it was...well...complicated at times.

I was thinking about a relationship with God. How do we cultivate a relationship with God? Good question..reasonable I do believe. So I was comparing that right relationship that we need to have with God, with our relationships with a spouse. I mean if you do a quick search it will reveal more than 500 old and new testament references to the words marriage, married, husband and wife. So marriages being that they are relationships are pretty important to God..right? Lets looks at this further.

So here is a small list of irritable qualities in my hubby and myself:
Husband- leaves cap off of toothpaste
Me- squeezes toothpaste from the bottom

Husband: Leaves his size 10 boats (I meant shoes) lying around for all to trip on.
Me- I buy too many shoes at thrift stores making our closet full of shoes.

Husband: Likes to hoard some
Me- I like to throw everything away even if we might need it later

Husband-Doesn't worry about money

Me-I worry too much

Husband- Doesn't balance checkbook well..at all
Me- I have to have every penny accounted for

Husband-Doesn't particularly like to exercise
Me-I am too obsessed with it

Husband-Anal about being on time
Me-Pretty much late for everything

Now do you see the differences? How are we suppose to have a GOOD RELATIONSHIP with so many differences? Because after almost twenty years, we learn and are still learning to accept those differences and that in turn makes our relationship grow stronger. This I believe is to be God's perspective toward us as well. He accepts our imperfections and loves us dearly.. after all we are made in His image.

For instance when Andy and I first got married I couldn't cook well at all. My first pot of spaghetti could have fed the entire local soup kitchen and still had some to spare for Lady and the Tramp! My first biscuits were so hard, the local hockey team could have used it for there winning puck. I mean really I couldn't cook! Lets say though that I told Andy (my hubby) I am sorry...I can't marry you until I read all the Betty Crocker Cook books and all the Paula Dean recipes, cooked and tried them, and served them to perfection. I mean really I just can't marry you until I have that part down. Oh I need to read all the manuals on having children and have that down pat too before we can begin a life together..I just have to read all the books first...you understand right? Ummm no...I dont' think that would have gone over very well with Andy...do you agree? It didn't go that way at all....we loved each other, I had faith in that love, we set a date and we got married. I learned as I went and I am still learning everyday how to be the wife, friend, lover and mother I need to be.

So why can't we understand that a relationship with Jesus isn't about what we can do for Him, but about accepting Him in faith, just I did Andy, truly love Him for what He did for us on the cross and then begin a relationship with Him. So you ask....how do I start a relationship with Him?...I don't want to change...Christianity will make me boring, I am having too much fun right now. Well before I got married, obviously I was single... I had fun being "single", but again I loved Andy. I didn't want to change when I married Andy, but in time,with age and being comfortable with Andy, I have changed. It wasn't a forced change and certainly wasn't overnight, but in the last twenty years...I have changed. I am not a boring person...read my other blogs, and you will see that I am quite the "nut" at times (or most of the time if you ask Andy!) I would agree, that I have evolved over the years to someone different in my relationship with my husband. So you see, I love my God too..over the years my "relationship" with Him has evolved, too. I didn't know what to do at first, just like my marriage to Andy. But I realize that Andy didn't want me to be perfect, He doesn't expect perfection even now, twenty years later. Neither does God...its a work in progress. Sometimes my faults will irritate my husband, and vice versa, but sometimes my faults also upset my Lord too. But He forgives just like Andy does and we move forward. Religion is not a relationship with God, but what can you do for God. Its about working for something that is a gift to begin with. Am I religious? Some would say, yes Tracy is a very religious person. I like to say that I have a relationship with God, because my relationship began with what He did for me. Am I married? Yes I am married by the law, but I have a working relationship with Andy as he does with me. See the difference?

So after babbling on about my thoughts for the day, I summarize by saying that God doesn't expect you to come to him perfect. I actually thinks that He like it much when we NEED Him...its in those desperate times that we choose to love Him more and want to believe there is more to this life then living everyday for ourselves.

If you want to learn 31 ways to destroy your marriage, read this list of things that will point you to that way. http://treymorgan.net/31-stupid-things-that-will-destroy-your-marriage/
Also looking at marriage relationships and comparing that to a relationship with God, what are some ways we can feel "separated" from God. Maybe you knew Him intimately at one time...its not too late to renew your vows to God and set your relationship sign out..."a work in progress."

John 14:21

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²¹The person who has My commands and keeps them is the one who [really] loves Me; and whoever [really] loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I [too] will love him and will show (reveal, manifest) Myself to him. [I will let Myself be clearly seen by him and make Myself real to him.]

My Amazing Husband!

Not too shabby considering I didn't know a thing about marriage or raising a family! My daughter is taking the picture :) Our relationship is still a work in progress!

This serene image is a picture from near our home. Serenity can be found in relationships if we only look at the bigger picture :)

Two Days... Till Friday

2012-01-19T23:10:00.003-06:00

This week has been some what of a usual week with some unusual happenings. Funny things I would say. Maybe you will agree after I tell you of my last two days of pure insanity....by the way the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different conclusion. Hmmm? Questionable to say the least....I would definitely say that my last two days would very much be the definition of insanity.

Wednesday:
Got to work at 8:00 in the morning...pretty normal morning...normal patients calling the office complaining that they need to see a doctor immediately...there eye is falling out. "Oh my! Well how long has this been going on?, I ask. "Oh it has been feeling this way for about a month...I absolutely must see the eye doctor today!" Ugh...try to figure out where to fit them in...they are insistent.

10:00 or so: "Ummm I don't know whats going on around this office, but someone got extremely aggressive with the scales in the bathroom...I think they might be really, really messed up...oh and by the way I just wanted everyone to know that I have lost 20 pounds I now weigh 129lbs!" I announce. Deb looks at me and says, "Really, the scales...ummm that would have been me. I was just walking into the bathroom when suddenly yesterday I tripped over the scales and barely caught myself on the doctors "pumping" chair. (we have a doctor nursing her baby..so has a make shift pumping station in the bathroom) the scale went flying into the air and fell across the restroom. Yeah...I thought it might have been broken when I weighed in 30lbs lighter than my normal weight." she says. So our scales are now retired...they probably deserved it anyways.

Noon:
I eat an Italian salad at a local pizza restaurant with my co-worker Deb. Ahhhh....some relaxation and time away from the ever-ringing telephone...this is good.

After the toll rings...quitting time 5:00:
I head to my local doctors office to check out some blood results from blood that was drawn last week. So I went the week before with the tip of my big toe on my right foot numb. I was linking that to a possible vitamin B12 deficiency...so hence the blood work up...oh and check the cholesterol and the other stuff while you are at it...oh and also lets get my yearly pap smear done too! Ugh.....off to the doctor after a long day at the office. Health care facility I leave, here I come....health care facility...yeah!! I approach the front desk, and what (I mean who) do I see? The very mean and angry (possibly bitter) receptionist that came into my office only 2 days prior. She was so mean to me at my office. Even when I took her back to the doctors room, she scowled at me. Her coat came off....she looks at my with "airs" because she has her health facilities names on her work blouse. She stares at me with a challenging look and I promptly leave the room and take her chart back to the doctor and warn her that she has "a real peach" in room 7. I decide to go in for the kill...I will kill her with kindness...(she has camera's watching her and boy does that make all the difference in someone's attitude!) I look at her a moment while she was typing my info into the computer...she has a natural frown...almost "alien" like frown...very upturned mouth...pinched. Her mouth has been so pinched and frowned, it has tiny lines all the way around her mouth from doing so. "Hey...how are you? How was your eye exam the other day...you know I work at the eye doctors?" She squirms..."Oh yes...thankyou for asking...everything was fine." "Oh that is really great! Nice to see you again." I say. "Yes you too!" she replies. I know she really doesn't mean it, but the camera made her be nice to me...and that made me smile :)

Nurse checks blood pressure, asks questions and directs me to put on the hospital gown with the opening towards the front. Well I am no rocket scientist, but this gown looks like an extra, extra small and the 2 measly ties didn't quite pull any material to cover me up with, at all. So doctor come in, she looks at me...I have the top tied in a bow at the front of my neck and it looks as if I am self-strangling myself with the darn thing. The other tie was in the bosom area...and lets just say I pulled it together as tightly as possible, but it still was gaping open like the Grand Canyon. I mean really.....couldn't they just give me a gown that didn't look like it could fit Kate Moss! I mean I am not severely obese or anything... it was extremely flattering, but really of all times! Doc comes in and informs me my blood work was no where to be found...what? Ugh...that's why I made the appointment to begin with...to check my B12 levels! I do remind the doc to not talk smack about me when I leave...because my gown looked so ridiculous..I told her that I thought the nurse was trying to set me up...she laughed...I wondered?? Well we finished and in comes the nurse with my Tetanus shot..."hmmm...that's not so bad."

Thursday:
Get to work at 8:00 am...looking like its going to be a good day. One doctor, not too busy...cup of coffee taste pretty good...well if Leann isn't making it ;) (She knows a spoon will stand up to attention in her pot of coffee!) We have some laughs...get some drawers cleaned out..find a contact users guide that will come in handy...refill empty things around the office..etc.

11:00: Okay I am sooo hungry and soooo tired that I feel like I am going to pass out...can't wait for my lunch. Oh did I mention my arm feels like someone just punched it!

11:30: Go to lunch at McDonalds....I hate their chicken strips. Disappointed...because I am so hungry...oh and my arm feels like someone punched me!

12:30: Return to office return to insanity...busy, busy, busy.

2:00: Call from the local jail...jailer says " We have a guy that has a pretty bad red eye...he needs to see the doc." I say, "Ok bring him on and we will work him in." I talk to the doc..she informs me of the "procedure". "He'll come in the back escorted by armed guards...put the patient in the room with the armed guards and leave the door open....really? I'm pretty nervous about this :( Leann tells me that I don't need to mess with it...let her because I always do something ridiculous...like say something that stands out for months. Yep that's me.

3:30: Office is slowing down a bit, we enjoy Sonic drinks for happy hour, courtesy of one of our doctors who is on a cruise at the given moment. We have our umbrellas and our Sonic slushies, malts and cherry limeades. Pretty close to a cruise...right?

4:00: No patients out front and only one in the back putting in a contact lens. Right? The coast is clear...oh I see the full length mirror out front in our frame room...and of course I decide to look at myself...looking at my rear end in the mirror..."hmmm...does these slacks make me look like I have a big butt?" I think to myself..."What if I stand like so...would they still make me look so fat?" Five minutes of this went by....when I get the feeling that someone is watching me....ever get that feeling? I looked out of our very, very big open windows and there is a man in his car staring at me! Oh good grief...I am so embarrassed!

6:00: Time to go to the store to buy some "quick" food to put into the stove.

6:30: Time to go home...so tired oh...and my arm is aching so bad, it almost makes me nauseous.

11:00: Time for bed...ibuprofen for my aching arm... I am so looking forward to sleep....and tomorrow is Friday :) Now that wasn't so bad..right?

Got Purpose?

2012-01-17T23:50:00.001-06:00

I was reflecting today on an incident that happened back this last summer. I would venture to say it would have been called the "brink of death" for me. I was eating some venison steak one evening, as it seems to me that I have been on a low carb diet called the Primal Blue Print for six to seven months. Venison is a very dense steak and tends to be a bit drier. For anyone that does not know what venison is, it is deer meat. I absolutely love venison...especially a doe. This particular evening, my husband and I was enjoying a venison steak, when I took a bite a bit too big.
Have you ever taken a bite of something and actually thought to yourself..."wow that feels pretty big going down...sure hope it goes down ok?" Well that particular day...that is what I thought when I took a bite too big and of course I didn't chew it long enough or well enough. I began to feel the meat get stuck and the more I tried to swallow it down, the more lodged it became. I sat the plate of food on the coffee table and jogged into the kitchen where my husband was doing some dishes at the sink...with his back too me. I tapped him on the shoulder and placed my hands to my throat (the universal sign of choking). He asked me "Are you choking?" All I could do was nod. He turns me at this point to where he was now behind me in the kitchen. He places his fists where he could thrust up to help the food to come out. He thrusts up once...looks at me and precedes to ask if I was still choking. I nod. At this point I remember thinking to myself "Ok...I think I might die. I can't breathe at all and my kids are going to watch there 38 year old mother die. This is pretty serious...this meat isn't coming up!" He turns me back around and does two more thrusts....still choking:( I am beginning at this point to lose consciousness ...my vision is a box and that box is beginning to get smaller and smaller. The box focuses on the magnet on my fridge that is shaped like a question mark and in the middle of that question mark it simply asks.."Got Purpose?" I even remembering thinking to myself...my purpose was done.

If you have watched the animated movie "Stuart Little" , there was a scene where the case worker comes to the house of Stuarts adoptive family and tells the adoptive parents that Stuarts biological parents were killed in a deadly cream of mushroom soup can incident while they were at the grocery store. The case worker looks at the soon to be parents of Stuart and says in a whispering voice, "Cream of mushroom soup is a very heavy soup." That was what I was thinking to myself. My kids would have to say to others, "Yeah my mom died from eating venison...its a very dense meat." Ugh!

My husband turned me back around after he asked if I was still choking and I nodded with affirmation that I was still choking. Again three or four more thrusts and I feel my legs giving way, but the meat quickly dislodges and and moves on down the right way. I collapse. My husband catches me and gently lays me onto the floor. Got purpose? That was still in my minds eye.

The story concludes a trip to the emergency room the next day because I was not feeling well. When the ER doctor came into the room and all my x-rays showed no broken bones after my husband performed the Heimlich on me, she began to say how lucky I was to have a husband that not only knew the Heimlich, but did it so well that I had no broken bones...my hero! Later my husband, Andy, tells me that for years during his Navy career and other jobs in the past that he had , he was made to take CPR and lifesaving classes. He said he felt as if endured those classes over and over...the repetition of them was just relentless. He said that he even thought to himself, at the time, that he would probably never use them and what was the use of sitting in them so many times. But he told me that night, that he would do it a million times over if he thought for even a second, that one time in the future he was going to have to save my life. God isn't done with me yet...He showed me that very clearly...what He was saying to me is that I do still have a purpose here. Question for the day...got purpose? I know that I do thanks to my night and shining armor...my husband...Andy! Thanks to my Lord above for showing me that He still has a plan for my life.

Thanks Andy! I love you!

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Cannibals Chicken Noodle Soup is Pure Bliss

2012-01-15T22:53:00.003-06:00

Looking back over my week...I chuckle a bit at my youngest boy, Tad who hands down can, on a good day, beat any national comedian with the things that he says.On Tuesday I have school for my boys and my nephew. I teach spelling, english, reading and geography. This Tuesday I told the boys that I was going to only have grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for lunch. I heard the grumblings from three very disappointed little boys. Seth asks, "Mom, what kind of soup are we having?" I simply state," Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup." Tad looks at his brother and says "See Seth it is Cannibals chicken noodle soup!" So I guess that day we were going to be brutish, beast-like,anthropophagite, bush dwelling soup and sandwich eaters....he just didn't know it!

Another incident that same day was during his word vocabulary lesson, while I was working with Tad. I would read him a sentence, and he would have to fill in the blank with his vocabulary word. The correct word for the sentence was litter. So I read the sentence....and he just isn't getting it. So I respond with what I thought was "help". I say, "you know Tad...no one wants to be a L----- Bug?...right?" He excitedly responds..."Yeah no one wants to be a Lady Bug!" What! Where did that come from anyhow!?

So looking back to my final "chuckle" of my week was the day I overheard Seth and Tad talking about chopping wood. Tad looks and me and says," Mom you should have seen me out there cutting wood and splitting wood...I was awesome! "Really?" I said. He states very matter-of-factly, "Yep..I used the mullet and everything...I was awesome!" So that is where I began to really laugh out loud, because all I could imagine in my head (being a product of the 70's and 80's) was this big guy with a blonde mullet beating his head against a log! I know he meant a splitting maul...but it was so funny! (BTW..don't you just love his arm bands....I do!) :)

So I guess sometimes you can find joy and serenity in the little things...even if it does come in the package of an nine year old little boy named Tad! (The picture above is my two little boys, Seth and Tad is the one in giving the thumbs up!)

My Old Friend...Inner Turmoil

2012-01-14T10:34:00.002-06:00

This story is referring back to an incident that happened last week to me. I have these beautiful American Indian choker necklaces that my husband bought for me, that I absolutely love. I have 2..one is black with the white bone..the other is brown wood-like beads with black. I chose to wear the black with brown and I went to town, into Walmart..thinking nothing of my amazing necklace...but someone else did. I noticed some folks were looking at my neck. Now please don't think me vain, but I am sure any woman reading this blog will agree (if she is honest with herself) that she has been there...she has felt this at some point. We all have....
So I grab my cell phone out of my purse and call my
daughter...and I ask this question. Mind you I am currently swallowing any pride I have by even typing this today. The conversation begins like this, "Lindsay this is mom.. I was wondering something..you wouldn't let me go out of the house looking weird or stupid...would you?" Lindsay replies, "No Mom..why are you asking..did something happen?" I say, "Well kind of ...some people are staring at my Indian necklace..the ones your dad bought me...and a couple even walked by me and said..."did you see that lady wearing that..Indian necklace?" Lindsay states, "Mom you look great with it on..don't worry what others say..I love them on you and you love them..most of all Dad loves them, so that is all that matters, besides don't worry what they say, you like them right?" I say, "Yeah..you are right..I love it...its me."

I love it...it's me...so why did I feel like I still needed to take it off when I got out to my car? Oh yes......I recognize my "old friend"...inner turmoil. So you know what I did? I left it on...because I love it...it is me.

So telling you that story from a week ago, that brings me to the event that happened again to me yesterday. I woke up early to go to the doctors office. I was getting ready and again I grabbed for my Indian necklace the black and white one...looks a lot like the one in the pic above. I tie it on, go to the full length mirror and again my "old friend"..inner turmoil...shows up again. He (inner turmoil) says, " Don't wear this...you look ridiculous and you know what happened last week...hmmm? right...you remember?" I don't listen..I wear it anyways. I get to the doctors office sit down in a small waiting area and immediately a women sitting diagonal from me says, "oh mam..I love your necklace..its so cool!" I thank her, but what she doesn't know about was the inner turmoil that I had that morning. Isn't that amazing that my God loves me so much that he knew exactly what to do to defeat the inner beast within me.

Come on now...don't judge me! We have all done it. Are we a vain people..God says we are. Even the most humblest person still sees their flaws and secretly within wishes they could change it. How many of us sit in the mirror and suck it in and think...man that looks so much better. I know I have grabbed at my "kangaroo pouch" that has so willingly held and nurtured 4 kids and I thought to myself..man I would love to have a tummy tuck...it would make me feel so much better. What about the arms...I did that just yesterday...grabbed my flesh hanging under my arm and thought to myself..."yeah...that's a skinny arm...I would look so much better if I had arms like that.!"

When I was at the doctors office this week I read an article in "Womens Journal". A man that had been married for ten years wrote a three page article on the way women are. He stated several things that bothered him about women. First he said he wouldn't know what a split end was even if you showed him...he said he didn't understand the obsession with perfect hair...like on all the shampoo commercials. Then he talked about "fake" breasts and how the majority of men like natural ladies and how men truly like all different sizes and shapes...not unreal fake breasts. He stated that it actually saddened him to go to the beach or pool and see so many beautiful women hiding themselves under big dresses because they are so insecure of themselves because of a little jiggle or cellulite. He even said that fake lips..those that have been injected are just plain scary to him! Then he mentioned the stomach of his wife and how he thought it was a beautiful thing, because it held within it the life of both of his kids. He actually said that it made him think how strong she was to carry their children and bear them...he loved her stomach!

When did we become such a nation! That we as women think "stick thin" is the way to be. We get bombarded by it at the grocery store just trying to buy our Totino's Pizza Rolls for the kids, Ore Ida frozen French Fries and "all beef" hotdogs! Good grief...we're moms and we are trying our best to be the part of....everything. The mom,the wife, the Sunday School teacher, the super model! Yikes!! And yes...our old friend..."inner turmoil"..plays his part too.

So back to my Indian necklace..this is something I read on-line...interesting:

Man, from the earliest times, has considered the adornment of his person to be as necessary as food and shelter. The Indians of the Southwest are no exception. They have loved fine jewelry, esteemed it as wealth, and worn it profusely. Today the use of Indian jewelry has spread far beyond its original boundaries and its appreciation has become world-wide.

Has the appreciation spread world wide? I know my inside...it likes to keep me in the norm of society...never step out and wear what I love...because "someone might say something." I mean it wasn't like I was wearing a tube top or something! So today I rest in the peace of my God and know that when my old friend, "inner turmoil" shows up, God does too. It will be at the perfect time and perfect place we need that encouragement. But this is the catch. If I hadn't defeated my inner turmoil and wore my amazing necklace....I would have never heard the lady in the waiting rooms words of encouragement. Sometimes you just got to step out in faith and God will do the rest. Oh by the way thats me with my one of my necklaces on...did I tell you that I love my Indian necklaces? ;)

Uh, Oh..Cars go Boom, Boom!

2012-01-11T22:04:00.001-06:00

Have you ever been in a vehicle when it hits another vehicle? You know that awful crunching sound from inside the car that screeches and screams, breaking and tearing away at plastic and glass. Yeah..that sound. One memory I have of that sound is when I was living in Jacksonville Florida. I was in a parking lot with a little two year old boy in the back seat that I was watching, saying over and over,as another car was whirling towards us....uh oh cars go boom, boom! Yes its an unforgettable sound. And yes..cars went boom..boom! Once you have heard it and the fear that it creates in your body, you never forget it. Yes...that is exactly how my day began today.

I was running late for work this morning when I hurriedly said my goodbyes, took my lunch and purse and rushed out the door. Jumping into my mini van, I began to back up, not even thinking that my daughters boyfriend (Ethan's) car..or might I say his BIG Dodge double cab truck was sitting behind my van. Then came the crunching and screeching of plastic hitting plastic and the breaking of a tail light. Next thing I know my husband, daughter, and Ethan, came outside to see the damage, as the cars had announced to everyone there that they had just collided or rather the stupid driver collided them together.

I mean really...how could I miss the HUGE truck behind me?? So I say to my daughter, Lindsay ...this is what I am always talking to you about...situational awareness. I mean..this is such a classic example of observing your surroundings, but I didn't do that, just assuming that no one would be behind my car. Ethan wouldn't have even been there, except he came to pick Lindsay up to help her to school and carry her books etc...all because she can't right now because of her surgery. I got to work and felt so foolish because by this time I am really, really late. I cried....feeling stupid, and now putting out Ethan's family with the repairs. I still have to call the insurance company and tell them the stupid thing I done. I mean really..what is the adjuster by the name of Sam on the other end really thinking of me right now.... and on and on it goes. Until finally I have done such a fine job of beating myself up, that I just couldn't seem to rise above the feeling of stupidity. Of course the enemy stole my day from me once again. If at all he can remind me of the failures in my life, he always seems to be the winner by the end of the day. Why not be victorious over him...because I just could not allow myself to be. Isn't that it....allowing ourselves...giving ourselves permission to feel good about ourselves?

Read some of the words to this Christina Perry song "A Thousand Years"

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

Can you hear Him? Can you Tracy...can you hear Me...calling you back tonight as you drive down this country road home? I sing this for you...listen to the words...I am singing these to your heart. You are too far from Me today...please one step closer...I am joy and strength...I am a very present help in trouble. I have loved you a thousand years...I will always love you. I have brought you today to this very place to hear Me..to come closer to Me.

And that is what I heard tonight in the car as I listened to that song. I heard Him speaking to me as if He was sitting in the car right beside me. He loves me. So maybe my insurance rates will increase..they do anyways without me having an accident. And maybe we need to purchase a new tail light for the van....accidents happen. Maybe I showed some vulnerability at the office, when I hate showing that emotion.... but that emotion showed me that others care for me in whatever state I am in. I am sure I caused some inconvenience for Ethan and his parents (sorry Ethan)....but it showed to me what a kind and caring person that my daughter is dating and what a wonderful person his parents have raised. I am positive I caused my husband more distress...but it showed me how much he loves me unconditionally (thanks Andy). I probably let my God down by letting my circumstances get the best of me...but it showed me that at the end of the day...He still loves me anyways.

So although cars went BOOM, BOOM...in the end..its still only a car...they go down in value. My life lessons I am learning everyday...they continually go up in value!

This is a Hold Up..Hand Over the Backpack!

2012-01-09T22:54:00.000-06:00

Do you relate to the picture? I mean as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, grandchild , and as a woman do we ever feel that way? When I seen this picture today, it truly said how I was feeling today. Why do we take on the "weight of the world" anyways? Is it expected by others, or are we our own worst enemies?
For instance today at work a patient walked in, signed the appointment log, and walked away. I was in the back for a few minutes wrapping up something else, when I came back to the front to check the log. I say the patients name, but got no response. I go into the frame room, thinking she was looking at glasses, said her name again..no response. My mind began to blame me..or else my heart. One deceived me. I began to anxiously look around, thinking that maybe she felt like her wait was too long and left. My fault! Maybe she didn't see me and thought it was a rude business. My fault! I even asked some of my co-workers if they knew her. Again her departure was my fault! I return again to the front after my inquiries, and there she sat. I even told her that I thought that she might have left because her wait might have been too long. She looked at me and smiled and said, "No dear, I am not like that, I was only in the restroom..your fine, really!" She smiled at me..I felt relief.

So then why did I take her departure and place into the my back pack anyways? Because Tracy...its always your fault! Or so my heart deceives me by telling me that ..my mind deceives me as well. Jesus said my yoke is easy my burden is light...did I hear that right? His yoke is easy?? So why some days does it feel so heavy? His burden is light? So why does it feel like...like butter cream frosting instead of "whipped"?? Does the lady in photo have to carry all the load? Who loaded her backpacks? Lets say for instance she loaded the packs. Is that what I do? Every time I think someone might be upset or angry, why I do I think that I did something? Because I load that unto myself. Maybe that is why the Lords yoke feels heavy and His burden is back breaking? I....me..I...me....I....me....keeps getting in the way. I keep loading everything on myself. So if someone is in a bad mood at work...it is not me...its them...it is their heart issue. If a patient comes up to the desk and immediately is angry..is it me personally or is it their heart issue? I mean there is nicer ways to converse with people, be it from my angle or theirs..right? So if some one chooses to talk to you or not to talk to you..is it me..or is it them? If someone wants to "bite your head off" for nothing..its probably not my issue... its theirs. I can only control me and my attitude.

Ever since I began to read John Eldredge's book, Walking with God, Satan has been throwing me into a whirl wind of attacks. Can I say that when you began...I mean anything...good, just expect for bad things to start to happen. Bad feelings, bad emotions, equals trying to better yourself. You say.. that's the opposite? Bingo! Do good...the more bad will come your way! That has been my experience lately. Page 52 of his book quotes:

"But there is another major awakening. The next epiphany in our journey of faith is coming to realize that Satan exists. And that we have to deal with him too. We come to realize that he is not to be ignored either. I'm sorry to say that this awakening is uncommon, even among the followers of Christ-despite the fact that Scripture is filled with warnings of an enemy."

Good news though! Resist the devil and he will flee from you....at least that is what the Bible says to do. Are you stumped yet? Yep..me too. Resist chocolate...resist ice cream...cookie dough ice cream or what ever your favorite flavor is...it is really, really, really hard! But it can be done, because through Christ we can do anything because He strengthens us! How do we get that strength? Simply.... pray....(which I do not do enough of.)

Page 20 of John Eldredge's book really pulls it together for me:

"This is good news...all of the other things we long for in life-love and friendship, freedom and wholeness, clarity or purpose, all the joy we long for- it all depends on our restoration. You can't find or keep good friends while you are still and irritating person to be around. And there is no way love can flourish while you are still controlling. You can't find your real purpose in life while you are still slavishly serving other people's expectation of you. You can't find peace while you are ruled by fear. You can't enjoy what you have while you are envying what the other guy has. On and on it goes...."

So that wraps it up...God is reminding me today...have a seat....look around at all that I have given to you...smell the fresh air....be thankful for those I have given to you....be grateful for love... feel overwhelmed with gratefulness....be glad for health....feel gladness for the day....feel blessed with friendship...be happy.... continue in self control.....be free.....my burden is light...my yoke is easy.... hand over the back pack!

The Art of Wearing a Hospital Gown

2012-01-07T22:13:00.001-06:00

The very art of wearing a hospital gown is overwhelming for some of us out there...right? I mean the hospital gown has its own cartoons, because they cause so much emotional distress. My daughter had her gallbladder surgery yesterday and as soon as the nurse set the folded hospital gown on the bed, I seen her eyes grow larger, pupils dilate, hands and feet began to sweat and her mouth began to get dry.

You see, she didn't tell me that the night before she had several nightmares about wearing "the hospital gown" for her scheduled gall bladder surgery. The footies they give you to wear... you know the kind that are never a pretty color and have the little treads on the bottom, was enough to send her into a spell of dizziness and frustration. The nurse sets the items on the bed. She leaves the room. My daughter nervously looks at me and says, "Mom do I have to wear the socks?" I told her that she probably would have to. The nurse promptly returns and instructs my seventeen year old daughter, Lindsay, to place the socks on her feet, remove all her clothing, and put the gown on. She looks at me horrified, probably because her boyfriend was in the room and he just heard the instructions as well. So I ask my hubby and her boyfriend to step out so I could help her get the gown on.

She bravely holds up the gown and states that it will swallow her whole. I told her that it was adjustable and I would make sure to tie it tight. As she slips on the gown and I began to tie the multiple ties all over the gown, she begins to feverishly grab the left side of the front of her gown. "Mom..why would they put this pocket here? It doesn't go anywhere, it only opens up to...no where! Why would they do that? I mean really, what am going to put into this pocket to no where? " she exclaims. I began to laugh and laugh...I couldn't help it! Of course I have had four kids, a broken ankle with severed tendon that had to have surgery, a broken wrist from falling off a roof. An ambulance ride after that incident with a broken tail bone. A car accident with another ambulance ride and hospital visit, so I guess I am a little numb to the "immodest" apparel at the hospital. She blankly looks at me and says.."Mom! Quit laughing!" I told her that I was sorry but it was just too funny! When I got her tucked into her hospital bed and covered with her blankets and sheets, her dad and boyfriend re-entered the room, where I promptly told them how she reacted over the "pocket to no where". Her dad explained to her that it was there for heart monitors and emergency situations so they had easier access during any surgical procedure. She says, "Well I don't know why they had to put that in my gown..its bad enough I was having nightmares about wearing one of these last night!" We all laughed.

The definition of gown by dictionary.com:

A loose, flowing outer garment in any of various forms, worn by a man or woman as distinctive of office, profession.

Does a hospital "gown" even fall into the same category? I mean really give that one some thought!

I guess the hospital gown story goes to show that laughter is truly a healing balm in stressful situations. I am so glad that God gave us the power to smile, laugh, laugh with others and laugh at ourselves! I can say that when she came out of surgery, she didn't mind the gown that much...I guess it takes pretty good drugs to make people get their minds off those horrendous, not-so- fashionable gowns that all hospitals so lovingly give the title of gowns! Thanks to God for a successful surgery and thanks to the hospital for the "loose, flowing outer garment" I know my daughter really appreciated it!

Lessons from Mammoth Cave

2012-01-05T21:03:00.001-06:00

You know its funny, I was out running the other day thinking of a new blog post, when I remembered our trip to Kentucky to the Mammoth Cave. You wonder why I would be thinking about a big dark cave..right? There is this one particular moment at the beginning of our tour, that most sticks out in my mind.

At the beginning of our lamplight tour, we stopped inside the beginning of the cave after we descended many feet of stairs into the cavernous pit. The lamplight tour was truly amazing. We carried lamps throughout the tour to give it a feel of what past generations had done in order to discover the many facets of the cave. When we came into the first room, there was benches there for us to sit on. As our tour guide spoke, he asked us to put out our lights. When we put those lamps out, I cannot begin to tell you the darkness we encountered. The tour guide asked us to wave our hands in front of our faces, and you couldn't see your hand in front of your own face. He asked us to be silent...the stillness was overwhelming...as was the darkness. You couldn't see anything and all you could hear was the hollowness of the rock surrounding you. When we relit our lamps, the feeling of warmth and safety entered the room again. Same room...same tour guide..same people surrounding us..same benches, the only difference was the light. The only difference is how we reacted ourselves to the darkness...and the light.

I realize that the above story about the Mammoth Cave is probably insignificant to you, but to me it means so much...it represents so much. Today we found out that my daughter will go into surgery in the morning. She is only going into an out patient procedure to remove her gall bladder. But the point of the lessons from Mammoth Cave comes into effect in times like these. Its those dark times that I am referring to. You see, there is still peace in the darkness. It takes faith to believe that light will shine again in the dark corners of our lives. How do we react to the darkness in our lives. How do we react to the light in our lives. Meaning how are we going to react to the good times and the bad times?

I was at work today feeling overwhelmed as it was a really crazy, busy day. Then to add to that, the doctors office called to tell me my daughter had gall stones. Then they called again to set up an appointment to consult with the surgeon. I became so overwhelmed, that I began to tear up while I was on the phone with my hubby. I said goodbye to my hubby, just as a young man was coming up to the desk. He was signing in and noticed my distress. He didn't say anything, and I asked him my normal insurance information and confirmed his address and phone number, while trying to hide the tears in my eyes. I got his paperwork completed and took him back to the doctors room. When we got back there I asked him how his contacts were doing for him. I felt like that he really felt bad, and he could tell that I was smiling just because it was my job. He began to tell me that he spilled his pair of contacts on the sink and floor and when he picked them all up that he had 3 contact lenses instead of 2. I asked him where the third one came from, and he started to laugh and said he didn't know. He told me that he struggled for over 2 hours trying to figure out which contacts were the right ones and if he even had them in the right eyes! I laughed...he laughed...my lamp lit again. A small light appeared in the dark corner.

Just after that a five year old with the most amazing and beautiful hair that was so long and curly was standing with her mom in the billing area. I asked her where she got that beautiful hair and if my daughter could get that. I told her that my daughter was growing her hair out for a long time and was having trouble growing it long. She looks at me...sashays her hair back and says very seriously, " tell her to get into the bath tub, wash her hair and put conditioner in it...and wa-la!...she will have long hair!" I laughed...she made my light shine a little lighter today.

I know, I know..its only gall bladder surgery..but she is my little girl who has never had surgery before. I know that tonight I will think about those "lamp lighters" in my life that God sent today. How much do we recognize them each day? Thanks to the lesson at Mammoth Cave, I appreciate the flames sent my way each day. Light up your world around you because you never know whose flame you will ignite even just little bit. A light that will appear in the dark corner of their lives.

Reverse Thinking

2012-01-02T22:47:00.001-06:00

So this weekend we had our friends Craig , Kristy and their son Keith came down from Northern Indiana. They came on Friday evening and left this morning. My emotions got away from me again, and as they pulled away I cried. I cried for myself, I cried for my friendships so far away, I cried for that intimacy of having dear friends that love you unconditionally. Friends do bring serenity and peace in the lives of those that will allow those friends to bless you.

Sometimes that is allowing a friend to bless you financially, sometimes that is allowing them to bless you with a listening ear and an understanding spirit. The Bible says that in order to have friends, one must show himself friendly. That is accepting the differences of those friends as they accept your differences and loving them despite. Thanks to God for friends...I mean the kind of friends that are with you even when they find that you aren't perfect. Those kind of rare friends are a treasure from the Father. You understand that we must allow others sometimes to bless us. We have to place pride aside and make that allowance otherwise we rob others of blessings as well.

With the help of those friends, my family and my God I want to reverse my thinking. I loved this YouTube video:

Lets reverse our thinking this year of 2012!

It's All in Your Perspective

2012-01-01T00:14:00.000-06:00

Here I sit one hour from the new Year of 2012. What am I to expect this year? Only God knows. But I can tell you that I want to be in the center of His will. My friend made a wonderful statement today, when you are in the center of Gods will its the safest place to be. Pretty impressionable statement I thought. So why does things feel completely chaotic and out of control when you were pretty sure at the start of the day you were in Gods will for that day? It began by me taking this past Thursday off from work to take my daughter, son and another teenager in my church up to Springfield Illinois for a teen conference.

So you say to yourself..yep this is going to be a great day...I am prayed up and pretty sure one of the kids is definitely getting something from this conference. I get up at four in the morning to get ready and leave to be up in town to pick up the other teen that was going. It began one half mile down my gravel road...."should I turn around and get the van?"....daughter says..."I don't know."... I say, "man its really going to be tight in your little ford escort..maybe I should get the van..your dad warned me not to take this car because the bucket seats hurt my back so bad." Did I go back? No... I didn't. So we get to town pick up the other teen. We are making excellent time, so we stop for some Mickey D's breakfast, inhale food and leave again. All the while I am popping 4 ibuprofen because my back is hurting so badly. Finally get to the conference center in Springfield, even with all of its wonderful one way streets. I find a parking garage after driving up and down trying to figure out where to park. We wait on my sister and the other kids to join us and we enter the center. The "extreme room" was filled with a bunch of inflatables..oh and a huge life-sized chess set. Hmmm....was that worth the extra 40 dollars they charged in the hidden fees at the end of my online transaction? No...don't think like that, I say to myself...its going to be a great day. I wonder will they offer a sack lunch...the admission was not cheap. So I say to my sister.." Hey Cas, did you read anything at all on the web site about lunch being provided, because we couldn't find anything?" Cassie says..."Yeah I think they do offer some type of lunch." I ask, "are you sure?" So neither of us could confirm that for certainty, so off I went to go and ask. The girl I found promptly responded to my question with a no. She says to me that there was a list of "kid friendly" restaurants in the downtown area. We are parked in the garage that costs $5.50 for all day...if either of us try to get a vehicle out..then we pay to get back into the garage again. Not an option. So we walk following the cheesy map of downtown to the supposed "kid friendly" Jimmy Johns. We all cram into the restaurant trying to get our order. Unexpected expense...oh we don't have anything for them to drink either. So all day we get to hear how thirsty our group was.

My sister and her group leave for a hotel, because they are doing sight seeing the next day. But me...I stay and leave that night so I can get home and not have to stay in a hotel. I am exhausted after hauling everyone's coats, bags, and cameras around all day. So we load up and head for home. But my GPS on my phone is so wonderful...truly I love it. But the only problem was my phone went dead and the lighter in my daughters car is not functioning, so I couldn't charge my smart phone. Dumb phone! So I made it out of Springfield with my printed directions...even with all the one way streets. I got an hour down the road and it starts pouring rain. Lindsay's (my daughter) car wipers was not working well at all. I looked like a drunk, my headlight is out and I was all over the road. I stop twice to try to adjust the wipers, but it just wasn't working. So I prayed and asked God to make it stop raining. The further south we went, it began to stop. Whew! I was so glad. I dropped the other teen girl off at 1:30 in the morning. I tell Lindsay that my eyes were crossing and I need her drive the last 30 minutes home. We switch, I recline...all the way back grab my pillow, close my eyes...then I open them to red and blue lights flashing behind us. "oh no!" I say. I tell my daughter, who has never been pulled over, to remain calm, pull the car into the open parking lot, put the car into park, and do nothing until the officer approaches the window. She is awesome! He comes up, she rolls down her window, and he asks her if she know that she has a headlight out. She confirms that she knew, so he asks her for her drivers license and insurance. I get into the glove box to retrieve the insurance card and he comes to my side of the vehicle. He shines his light into the car, I roll the window down to give him the things he asked for, and then he asks "Ma'am, what did you put into the floor board?" I say, "Nothing sir." He says again, "I seen you put something into the floorboard..what did you put into the floorboard?" Again I say nothing. He opens the door and asks me to get out of the car. I complied and got out. Then he turns to me and says, "You need to step further to the back of the vehicle ma'am." I say, "yes sir." I step back further...then he spies something...so suspicious...a bottle under the seat. He says..."what is this bottle?" My daughter says nervously..."I think it might be a Jones soda or YooHoo."....He shines his light onto it...and what do you know...it was root beer. So he steps to the back of the car and says to me out of earshot of the kids..."So really what did you put into the floorboard...are you going to tell me?" I say, "nothing sir..." And this was asked after he searched my daughters back pack and my purse! He tells me to get back into the car and I ask if he wants to see my drivers license. He takes my ID and my daughters and went back to his car. A few minutes later he brings back a warning ticket, hands it to my daughter and gives back the ID's, and then bids a good night. What is that about?

It made me feel like I was on an episode of COPS! I felt like a delinquent mother! I just got back from a Christian Teen Event and why did I feel so bad and mad! Because that is the very goal of the enemy. To condemn and destroy. The Bible says that the enemy is seeking to whom he can devour...but (gotta love those buts!) Jesus has come and has come to give life more abundantly! Well to say the least I felt discouraged because a fun day for all...well...it just felt stressful. But my daughter walked away with a goal for 2012 to raise the money to go on a missions trip to Haiti. She will go with a group of young adults to take food and the gospel to the people in the mountains. Its all about perspective. I can not look at all that went wrong, because nothing surprised the Lord that day, but I have to look at the things that went right. The next day while out taking my run...you'll never guess what I saw...a great horned owl. God is amazing! Exactly when I need confirmation of His presence in my life, He sends me my sign. So tonight I sign off my blog in 2011....and I will be back to write in 2012! What a bright future!

Hustle ,Bustle, Starbucks and Take it Easy

2011-12-27T20:55:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was the after Christmas shopping day with my mom and sister and of course the "teen girls". We all love it, but it was truly hustle and bustle. I can only thank Jesus I didn't have anything to return! The return lines were just terrible. After going to Chick-Fil-A for lunch and having to sit by the rear exit of the restaurant, I was freezing! Open, close, open, close, and so forth went the door for the entire 30 minutes we were there. So we hit a couple of stores and then I asked my sister to go ahead and drop the girls and I off at the Paducah, Kentucky mall. Mom and my sister needed to go into another store, so my sister was glad to drop us off. The first place I wanted to go was Starbucks for a hot coffee just so I could feel my fingertips again. Of course..a line! 20 minutes in the line I wait for a tall (medium) coffee and then I hear my name...the coffee handed to me..I am smiling.... I can just taste the yummy delicious hot nectar in my mouth...until I notice its a small.

Should I say anything..I will only have to wait that much longer? Yes, I will say something.. I paid for a medium...the injustice of it all! So I say once "Sir?"...nothing..."Sir!" (with more pizzazz)...nothing....then I creep on down towards the register pushing pass the other customers..."mam!"....she looks up slightly irritated...."um..is this a medium?" I ask.....she replies"No.".....she reaches to get the cup, and the look of just pure irritation was written all over her face. My response.."Thank you for this." All the while trying to smile at the sour face in front of me...she turns and says nothing. Another 10 minutes pass...the young man again yells my name and with a sullen look blankly states, "Its a medium." I paid for a medium, and such as it is I do not like confrontation, but darn it.. I paid for a medium! Breathe, breathe...I will check out the sales since I now have my medium coffee..my fingertips are beginning to regain warmth, and I have some Christmas money screaming out "Sales!, Sales!" What sales were to be found...this was after all the day after Christmas..all the "Semi-annual Sales" signs were plastered everywhere. But to no avail...the sales seemed to be the only thing at the mall that was missing? Who knew? I did find some good sales in only a couple of stores. So I take away from this shopping experience that I can't control anything..absolutely nothing, not Starbucks employee's or semi-annual sales, but I can control me.

So today was just a relaxing day at home.It began when I awoke to a beautiful scene of snow covered hills and trees here in the Shawnee Forest. It was just one of those rare amazing mornings of the white covered branches and flurries gently falling from the sky. The kids all tucked in their beds and the wood stove up and cranking the heat out. A nice beginning to a nice day. I cleaned the house after eating breakfast and having coffee with my hubby. I just spent the day doing what needed to be done. Did anything life altering happen today...no. But it was one of those days that God reminds me to slow down a bit. Its okay to slow down and enjoy the surrounding beauty, get things done that needs to be done around the home stead and just.... be. I fixed a fried chicken meal tonight that my family just adored me for and doing that for them makes me feel really good inside. How can we be still and know that He is God...when we don't take the time to be still? How can we hear His small still voice when we can't calm our thoughts and hearts long enough to hear what He wants for us each day? How can we live a full abundant life that He promises when our spiritual walk with Him is on our terms? These are things that I am going to be observing in the upcoming days. Today is a good day to just be still...had I not, I would have most certainly missed the amazing sunset tonight (the above photo is of my back yard).

The Gift of Christmas

2011-12-25T22:13:00.001-06:00

Christmas is a gift, wrapped in thoughts of a holy infant come to us in humble, meager circumstances to save the world. I can not deny that the thought of a baby being born in a stable sounds pretty disgusting. We do see a lot of scenes like the one above, but anyone who has ever been close to a barn, knows the stench from such a place. The cozy, warm amber aura that is in the above picture is pretty much unrealistic. But I ponder tonight on a Saviors birth, so meager at the beginning, yet He is the One, the Alpha and the Omega the beginning and the end.
My pastor stated this today in church, God confounds the wise with the simple. God has been doing that for centuries. I over think everything, always have, probably always will. But one thing I am learning is to do the best you can and let the worries go. I am sure that as Mary was riding the donkey and knew she was going into labor, she wasn't over thinking their situation. She needed to get off the donkey and get somewhere halfway warm to have a baby and she needed to do that pretty quick. She wasn't riding along telling Joseph all here concerns of having a baby in such unsuitable circumstances and surroundings. I know..I have 4 kids and with the third baby, I just wanted to lay down somewhere, so I could have the baby. I thought I was going to have him in the car...and guess what..that would have been fine at the given moment!

I know He loves me...again I saw an owl fly right in front of the ATV I was riding. He was a nice big beautiful barn owl and I nearly screamed at my mom and sister..OWL!! My mom was even excited when she saw it. She knows what they mean to me....it makes me aware of His great love for me. Christmas is nice for making us aware of His great love for all mankind, if only we accept and believe. So tonight my friends and bloggers, I say Merry CHRISTmas to all!

Cookies, Family, Gifts and Naps

2011-12-24T22:01:00.001-06:00

What an amazing day! Can serenity be found in cookies, family, gifts and naps? What is the synonyms of serenity...well here is a list from thesaurus.com ......

Definition:	calm, peacefulness
Synonyms:	calmness, composure, cool, patience, peace,peace of mind, placidity, quietness, quietude,stillness, tranquillity

Remember the old Seinfeld episode where George's father, Frank Constanza, was seeking serenity. When his wife, Estelle, would stress him out or make him upset...He would say over and over to himself , "Serenity now,serenity now!"

So cookies make me feel fat when I eat them....I don't know why they do, but everytime I bake I pick at the stuff I am making..then of course I have to eat the finished product. So does cookies provide serenity...maybe not the cookie itself, but its nice to see the faces of my children (and husband ;) when they take a nice warm cookie and praise me for the good taste. Serenity now!

Family...does that equal serenity? Sometimes there are family problems that enter into the equation. You know that feeling that you get sometimes when someone says or does something that doesn't quite rub you the right way. That same feeling you get when you take a Brillo pad to a stainless steel pan! But on the flip side of family, they equal love, stability, peace of mind knowing that they are there for you...they have your back. Family can truly be amazing...a real gift from God if we can see past the family problems and differences and love each other and treat each other with respect. Serenity now!

Gifts are stressful to me. That insufferable feeling of never picking the right thing, the worry that they won't like the gift or they don't need that gift! Yikes...does a gift bring serenity? Receiving gifts are nice.. admittedly that old saying that giving is so much better than receiving is not always right. Those sweet gifts that your kids give you is such an amazing feeling. They always put alot of thought into their presents. That causes much serenity in my inner being. Those gifts from a good friend that just say I love you and appreciate our friendship bring the receiver much serenity. Giving is always wonderful..truly it is...nothing replaces that feeling of giving a gift to someone else. Serenity now!

Yes of all things here it is Christmas Eve and I took a 45 minute nap today. That causes me much serenity and calmness. Just taking my boys Transformer blanket and curling up next to my hubby for a nap is quite serene. Who doesn't like a nap..the kind without guilt just thinking to yourself that its okay to lay down and refresh your mind, body and soul. Serenity now!

Serenity, calmness and peace can be found in the strangest places. What a Christmas gift today! Thankful for the white chip macadamia cookies today. Thankful for all my family, including all the extended family God blessed me with. Thankful for the art of gift giving and the feeling that it gives to the one that is giving and receiving. Thankful for naps and the coziness of my bed. Good night to all and to all a good night! Ahhh...Serenity now! ;)

HOooo Loves Me...Part 2

2011-12-22T21:44:00.001-06:00

In just 24 hours of writing my last blog post, an amazing thing happened...truly amazing! HOooo knew it would...only my heavenly Father!
The story goes like this....

I decided to go running on Tuesday morning around 11am in the morning. I know that its going to be a busy day of doing last minute schooling with the boys and then cooking for our Christmas party at my parents house. So I decided I needed to go running while there was a break in the weather. I went about a half a mile...enjoying being outside, when I caught sight of a bird. I couldn't make out what kind of bird, but I was thinking it was probably hawk on the hunt. It flew about 5 trees in front of me along the gravel road, landed and then turned and looked at me. I couldn't believe it..there he stood on the limb, a very big common barn owl! He was more brown in color but his face was light colored. He looked at me for several seconds...I was just froze smiling from ear to ear whispering under my breath, "you are so beautiful!" He was uncomfortable with me staring at him and was probably aggravated that I interrupted his hunt, so he flew 5-6 trees behind me along the road. So naturally I turn to look at him, smiling the entire time. The owl moves his head back and forth, side to side trying to figure out what the heck I was staring at, then he leans forward and HOOTS at me!! I felt like God was just showing off now!! God really was saying to me loud and clear..I am the maker, and creator of all things..I can control all things..I love you dearly and I am pleased with you my lovely daughter! I had tears running down my face, from what I do not know. I was so happy, but in such awe!

The next day was my 20 year anniversary and my hubby and I went and ate together at lunch. Knowing we both had to work that day was a little disappointing, but when I got back to the office there was a beautiful flower basket with an owl figurine sitting up high right in the center of those flowers! Again not only does my hubby love me, but God does too!

Today is Thursday and its my very, very long day at the office. I was tired and was up on my feet most all day. I was just happy to be getting home, when about 2 miles from my house the most beautiful owl flew directly in front my car! Again...Gods way of saying to me, I love you and in you I am well pleased.

Having these things happen in my life is a daily reminder that truly we have a wonderful, heavenly father that loves us and promises an abundant life. Does the abundant life mean money...not necessarily. Sometimes it is an abundance of amazing owl sightings...so tonight I bask in His love and I rest in the thought of the One HOooo really loves me...my Father.

HOOoo Loves Me?

2011-12-18T22:11:00.002-06:00

Since I moved back to Southern Illinois, the place of my childhood, from Northern Indiana I have fallen completely in love with owls. We live in the heart of the Shawnee National Forest, and we have an abundance of wild fowl here. Most of all the owl strikes closest to my heart.

I began to put it together last year after only a few months of being back in Southern Illinois. I have always loved the bird from the time I was a child, but after the difficult move back and the emotional strain of the whole move, I began to see a pattern of my precious "owl sightings" , as I warmly refer to them as. I am smiling right now typing about my "owl sightings". Last year in the winter months I seen the most magnificent owl..the Great Horned Owl. Just days after that sighting I then seen the beautiful Common Barn Owl (as pictured above). Just a month after that sighting I then seen 2 screech owls just to the side of the house and they are only about 6 inches tall. The Great Horned Owl is amazing as they are monogamous with their mate and powerfully protective over their young. The Common Barn Owl on the other hand is...well..common. They are on every continent in the world. Behind the house this spring was the most amazing sound...owls...many owls hooting their mating calls! I was amazed! I stood outside on the back deck just listening and thinking this has to be my sign from God that He really, really loves me!

My family has this thing/idea that when we see certain things, that its a reminder that God really loves us. Such as my little boy, Tad, when he sees a penny or finds a penny thats Gods way of reminding him of His love. So my "owl sightings" are now my assigned love sign from God. So saying all that, the last 2 times I went Christmas shopping I have literally seen owls everywhere! The time before last I went into the mall in Paducah, Kentucky and seen an owl necklace and bought it! I was so proud of that necklace. I then went out yesterday for my anniversary and there were owls everywhere I looked.

My hubby, Andy and I, are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary and decided to go across the river at Cave in Rock to Marion Kentucky. Then we drove the beautiful drive from there to Paducah, Kentucky in to downtown to the river front. There we stopped at several antique stores just looking and in those I seen owls. Owl salt and pepper shakers, paper weights etc. Just before the night ended we decided to go to the book store to browse and there I walked by a display of a wonderful National Geographic book that was open to Owls! I couldn't believe it, so I went back to Andy and dragged him over to the display so he could see it and it was on another animal. On top of that Andy let me buy an owl ring earlier that evening because he knows that I love them so much.

So why blog about something so inane as owls, because God uses them to constantly remind me of His great love for me. I mean who am I that an omnipotent, omniscient God would show an owl to me? I am His child and these "owl sightings" are something personal that I can say "Yep, he let me see that owl..just for me." It is the same feeling you get when you and your husband share a look between you that only you and him know what it means. Its a secret code that only you can say.."Yeah, I got that..I know what you mean." These signs come at the most needed times, times when I feel lonely or sad, sometimes I see my sign when I am really, really happy. Those days when I am really, really happy like the other day, it just seems like God is saying, " Yeah I know you are really happy today and I just wanted you to know that I love you so much, I am the reason that you can be so happy. I enjoy seeing my children happy." So tonight as I sit here typing I know HOOoo really loves me...do you know Him? His name is Jesus and He is waiting for you to trust Him and accept Him. He wants to tell you that He loves you too.

¹ O LORD, our Lord,
         How excellent is Your name in all the earth,
         Who have set Your glory above the heavens!

² Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants
         You have ordained strength,
         Because of Your enemies,
         That You may silence the enemy and the avenger.

³ When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
         The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,
⁴ What is man that You are mindful of him,
         And the son of man that You visit him?
⁵ For You have made him a little lower than the angels,^[b]
         And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

⁶ You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;
         You have put all things under his feet,
⁷ All sheep and oxen—
         Even the beasts of the field,
⁸ The birds of the air,
         And the fish of the sea
         That pass through the paths of the seas.

⁹ O LORD, our Lord,
         How excellent is Your name in all the earth!

Christmas Cookies and All the Bliss

2011-12-13T22:27:00.001-06:00

Every year there is one day set aside for baking cookies. My mother, sister, and I try to collaborate and make Christmas cookies. We give these cookies as gifts to neighbors and friends. Each year we try to simplify this task by making 4 or 5 different kinds of cookies, so we are not overloaded. We made fudge, toffee, sugar cookies, cornflake cookies, and chocolate covered pretzels. Everything made out good except the fudge. There we stood over the two pans trying to get the fudge up to 235 degrees Fahrenheit and for some reason I thought my oldest son Adam and my sister said 220 degrees Fahrenheit....so hence the double batch of white chocolate fudge...is taken off too soon, causing complete failure! The double batch of chocolate fudge never came up to heating point, so it was just overcooked. So we had 5 recipes...hundreds of cookies...and the fudge didn't make. I know to concentrate on the good...right?

Well of course we all know to do this...but do we do it? Ummm... no we don't. So I fumed about that fudge, probably myself reaching 235 degrees Fahrenheit but forgetting about the kids spreading the icing on the sugar cookies...my oldest son helping in the kitchen and laughing...my sister and I having a great time and laughing about little things...my mom enjoying a houseful of family, while her foot is still healing from surgery...my dad and his ability to be able to fall asleep no matter what is going on around him...my daughter just calling from the college letting me know she aced her last finals...and that part of my life where we make memories together, good memories together. So as I look back tonight over the blissful day of Christmas baking and Kris Kringle cut out sugar cookies, it doesn't look so bad...it looks pretty serene. Can I find serenity in cookie dough, flour spread from one end of the kitchen to the other, red and white sugar sprinkles that got knocked of the counter and spilled all over the floor and completely failed fudge? Yes I believe I can and I will dream tonight of sugar plums and cookie crumbs ;)

The Hum Drum of Life

2011-12-12T21:38:00.001-06:00

Today was just another day...not particularly bad, but not what I would say life altering. So where to you find a serene moment in a day that is so "hum drum"? Maybe today I will find it in a hot cup of coffee, you know the kind that is steaming from the top of my favorite mug that has the quote from Psalm 33:21, In Him our Hearts rejoice. Its filled with a larger amount than I should have, of Vanilla Coffee Mate creamer. Maybe I will be typing on my blog and think how serene it is to hear two of my boys playing Monopoly with their dad. As I type this I am smiling at the serene scene of family being together spending time with one another and listening to my ten year old speak on how excited he is to have Oriental Avenue. I can say that I do find comfort in the wood stove after being cold all day at the office. Coming home to your husband cooking a piece of fried ham and an egg over easy isn't so bad either. Maybe just petting my grey cat, Motorboat, and listening to the hum of his constant purring making me feel welcome to be home is serenity in itself. You know the more I think about it, the less "hum drum" this day is becoming and the more serenity I am feeling. I think I will help myself to another cup of coffee, thanks :)

Work and Kindness

2011-12-09T09:31:00.001-06:00

I work 3 days a week for an optometrist. My duties require me to work the front desk and some optician work, such as repairing frames,adjusting frames and removal of lenses. I take patients from the waiting area to the doctors rooms, do some testing for the doctors etc.. In recent weeks (being that I am the first person you see when you walk through our office doors) I have literally had my "head bit off" by at least 3 patients. Why does patients and patience have to sound so much alike, but are not even close to being alike? But then again I am on a quest for serenity this coming year...but sometimes my daily tasks make it hard for me to see the peaceful things that God gives me each day. So as I think back over the last couple of weeks my mind wonders to the older man (Mr. Deneal) that came in with flowers for me, out of the blue! No he wasn't asking me out or "flirting", he just simply said to me, " You are always so kind when I come in here to get my frames adjusted and I told my wife that you are always smiling and kind, so I wanted to bring you something to say thank you." So when did 3 or 4 cranky patients (people) out weigh the one good person or act of kindness? Why does my mind always go back to the bad and not focus on the good? Maybe I need to focus on the good, lovely the kind. I mean thats what the Bible says to do. My husband preached about this very thing on Wednesday night at church. Redirecting your thoughts to that which is good and pure. So for me today I focus on Mr. Deneal and the lovely flowers of thanks and as for the cranky people.... I will pray for the Christmas cheer to come upon them....quickly!

Can this bring me serenity in 2012?

2011-12-06T21:29:00.001-06:00

Well here I am beginning a new blog for the 2nd time in my life. Just typing that makes me feel like I have lost, before I have even began. Is that possible to lose before my first sentence is even typed? Mentally yes, but inside something burns for serenity, for an anger free life, for softer answers, peace, quietness when needed...those times when you need to just shut the mouth and let feelings pass before they begin. I have decided to let go of anger and disappointment this year of 2012. Yes..its a quest to defeat the foe that most defeats me in a days time..the foe of anger, aggravation and impatience. We all have those times that we let our husbands or wives down, our children, our family and most of all ourselves, when we just "blow it" again...blow our top...let lose and then you sit back afterwards and think to yourself that all they needed was just some understanding, someone to just hug them and say "its all right". Well I stand today, for this year in my life and type it out. Yes this quest will not be easy..when I look ahead in days to come and let myself down, but I truly want to see it typed out those days that I triumph through Christ, overcome and seize the serenity that is most needed in my heart. I ask you to walk with me...I desire to see the simple pleasure in life...reminding me that serenity is possible.