Relationship Blog

Why Your Relationship Is Like A Plant

2012-02-13T22:27:00.003Z

You would never think that your relationship is like a plant. However, one look at your relationship at this (and any other) time of year and you'll see there are so many similarities; you'll kick yourself for never having noticed it before. And this doesn't concern just your relationship. It covers every relationship you've ever had plus all the ones your friends have discussed with you in the past. Most relationships are like plants, and once you've read this you'll find yourself comparing yours with the plants you've tried to nurture in your lifetime. The only trouble is, how to find a sturdy, perennial that will last a lifetime.

Why your relationship is like a plant

The relationship that needs hard work
Some plants require a lot of work. They need to be watered twice a day and won't grow unless you give them special fertilizer that cost an arm and a leg. Sometimes you treat them exactly like the garden centre recommended, but no matter what you do, they die anyway. The plant looked good, healthy and flourishing (which is why you bought it) but as soon as you brought it home, the very sound of your voice seemed to send it bowing its head.

Some relationships are better off not started. The romance you think is there has always only been in your head. These relationships only flourish when a lot of work is put in. As soon as you turn your back - even fleetingly, they fall down and die.
In your relationship: you have to ask yourself, is this hard work sustainable? Will I always be there to water and add special fertiliser? What will happen when I'm ill or have to go away over night? Do I have all this time to spare?

The relationship that needs perpetual light
Some plants (and I have one like this in my bathroom) need to always be placed in the light. If you were (painting, for example) and moved them to a darker place for a week they'd be falling over themselves, getting ready to splutter and die on you.

Some relationships flourish when the couple is out and about. Everyone thinks they're great together and they're the best couple ever. As long as the lights are shining and people are looking, things are great. When there's money to spend and there are parties to go to, love is also splendid. However, once the darker, more difficult times hit, the relationship turns sour because only the light of ongoing fun sustains it.
In your relationship: you have to ask yourself, are I going to be able to sustain the fun times forever? What will happen when I run out of money/health or youth? Will I want to be in the light forever or will I sometimes prefer the quite and peace just sitting on the sofa? Will my relationship survive the darker times?

The relationship that needs dead-heading
Some plants will happily flower in their season. They don't need you to do anything. It's their season to flower and fruit, so they just get on with it - whether it's dry or wet, sunny or rainy. Other plants won't flower properly unless you dead-head them (pick off the dead flowers to encourage new ones to take their place).

Some relationships are stop - start. They only keep chugging on if there are drama stuffed in at every interval. Fights and arguments are the things that keep these relationships 'interesting' because there's nothing else going for them. The fights 'dead -head' these relationships so that the make-ups can be sweeter. Of course, there's a place for healthy arguments in marriage, but these are not healthy in the least.
In your relationship: you have to ask yourself, is this what you had in mind when you envisioned your lasting relationship? Is this the life you want to keep on living? Is this happiness? Is this what you want for your future? For your kids? Where is all this going to lead and when it gets worse how far will it go?

The relationship that's just right
Some plants are great to have around. As long as you feed them now and then and water them when they're dry they'll serve you faithfully for years to come. I've sought these plants out and have resolved to raise only them and their counterparts in our home. They need a bit of work, but are reasonable with their demands. They have to be watered, but if you're away they'll keep for an extra day or two without dropping dead on you. They need a bit of light, but can survive in darkness for a while. They're quite forgiving. They don't really need dead-heading, and will happily shed their own dead flowers and bring new ones on without requiring you to take action.

You don't need to say it here, but which type of plant is your relationship like? Is your relationship the kind of plant you love to keep?
If you liked 'Why Your Relationship Is Like a Plant', please share it on your favourite social networking sites. As always, thanks for your visit and comments.

Find me love

2012-02-04T09:01:00.003Z

Find me love is a phrase the Relationship Supermarket has addressed several times in its lifetime. Now that Valentine's day is coming we'd like to make it easy for you to find all the posts that relate to that topic. Of course, we have a love relationships page and a singles' help page. But there are ups and downs in love, so these articles don't all talk about the love that's going right. In fact, some of them some of them address cheating, like, Why Women Cheat. This is not the time of year to be talking about that though, so let's look at some articles more in keeping with Valentine's Day and the topic, Find me love.

Find me love

The statement find me love is expressed in various ways in the articles below. Have a browse and see which one tickles your fancy. So far, these are the top articles on this site which addresses the call a lot of people are making - find me love!

Relationship help for women in their 30s As the name suggests, this is an article to help women in their 30s and beyond prepare themselves to find their perfect match. It gives fantastic and helpful advice in matters of dating and finding a mate. In addition to that, there's a list of some really good online dating sites at the bottom of the article.

Best online dating sites: global if you're serious about finding love, you simply must read this! There's a beautiful site that I've just come across. It helps you meet someone special whether you're looking for companionship, dating or a soul mate. Here it is below:

How to get your dream mate to notice you this truly does answer the call, find me love. It continues to be a popular article, addressing mainly the dos and don'ts when trying to get that special someone to notice you're there. It explores ways in which even the shy and retiring type won't be afraid to try.

How to fall back in love this one is slightly different from the others, but equally important. It deals with married couples who've fallen out of love and address 6 key elements which will have them falling back in love with each other. This doesn't necessarily address the topic of find me love, but rather, find me the love I've lost.

Love quotes from celebrities this article was more for fun than anything else, and it provided a lot of people with a laugh. This wouldn't find you love, but it will certainly give you something to smile about.

Find your love relationship I thought twice to include this Find me love article because it's been so popular, I was afraid the others would be dwarfed by it. Nevertheless, in my opinion the other posts in this list complement each other and will all work together to give you the best help and advice you deserve. If you've already found your love relationship you may want to explore some gifts for him. The ad below takes you to a page where you'll find lots of creative Valentine's day presents for the man you love.

And lastly, Cupid: the secrets he's hidden from you. If anyone could find you love it would be Cupid, right? Wrong! In this tongue-in-cheek article, Cupid is made to be the bad guy and is 'exposed' as a fraud who could never answer the plea, find me love. Some great arguments are put forward as to why this is so, but it's all in jest.

Find me love - conclusion
You know, a lot of times we look for the perfect person to come our way. A lot of times we would do better to invest in ourselves, to make ourselves the sought-after companion who would enrich the lives of anyone we're with. These articles above all add up to a wonderful compilation of not only what we should look for, but what others are looking for in us. We can't work on others, so perhaps the sure way to find love is to take the easier option -work on ourselves - then we wouldn't have to try half as hard.

Please share all or any of these articles with someone who can really benefit from them. Feel free to also share them on your favourite social networking sites. As always thanks for dropping by and leaving your comment. If you need inspiration for Valentine's day presents, the link below takes you to a page full of them. As always, thanks for your visit and comments.

I Got My Girlfriend Back - With Silk Flowers

2012-02-04T08:39:00.002Z

A guest post by Rob Lobitz

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years and as with any relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs. Thankfully, we're still together. However just a couple of months ago our relationship was in serious danger. Well, 'serious danger' is an understatement - she basically dumped me. I didn’t realize it, but I had begun to neglect my girlfriend. She would complain that I wasn’t making an effort to spend quality time with her any more, that I was taking her for granted and all the things that women expect us to do for them. I'd tell her that I was really busy at work etc. However, looking back I realize that I was in the wrong.

Why my girlfriend dumped me

I remember vividly the day when she broke up with me. We had planned to go out for dinner, but I had volunteered myself for overtime work. And I forgot to call her and let her know. By the time I got home and realized we were supposed to go out, the damage had already been done. When I visited her apartment that night she made it clear that she never wanted to speak to me ever again. I was distraught, I felt lost and hopeless. I tried everything that I could to win her back but nothing seemed to work. I called, I texted, tweeted and even wrote notes. Still nothing worked.

How I got my girlfriend back
One day while walking by the local flower store I saw 2 women admiring some flowers. I guess out of pure sadness and desperation I struck up conversation with them. I told them about my story and they suggested that I buy my girlfriend some flowers. The first thing that came to my mind was that flowers are expensive. Nevertheless, I wondered into the store and started to look around. Now, I am not a rich person and believe me when I saw the prices of flowers I felt even more depressed than before because it was clear I couldn’t afford them.

Luckily for me, the same two women told me I could buy silk flowers for about half the cost of the real ones without compromising looks or quality. They showed me both real and silk flowers and I couldn't tell the difference between the two; however my wallet could. Needless to say that I went ahead and bought the silk flowers with enough cash left over to buy her a nice card and her favourite chocolate. All I can say was that my girlfriend was pretty thrilled when I sent the gifts to her office. She didn’t call me immediately but she did show up at my apartment that night. We are back together and I owe it all to those gorgeous silk flowers.

Travel Checklist For Your Family's Holiday

2012-02-03T21:00:00.001Z

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of My Travel Checklist for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.
I know it's still winter, but it's time once again to start planning your family's holiday if you haven't done so already. This time of year seems to come around too quickly. However, if you didn't plan it now, you'd end up spending over the top for your summer vacation. We've already planned ours, and I'm proud to say that it's the best deal we've had so far where our family holiday is concerned.

The packing is another story, though. No matter how right the price for flights and accommodation is, we still have to do all the dreaded packing ourselves. If you've got kids this makes it even more difficult. Thankfully, there's now help to get your packing and travel arrangements done in record time. Have you heard of My Travel Checklist? It's a free widget designed by Mondial assistance to help you plan your holiday.

This widget is completely free and you could access it on your computer or on any mobile device. No matter where you're going, whatever time of year, this widget will help you pack everything you need. It's highly user friendly, so you can build your own packing list, or follow the suggestions given. It allows you to save or modify, or email your list so you're never left in a lurch.

This is definitely a welcome addition to travelers world-wide. So before you go on your trip this year, download My Travel Checklist to see how this free widget can help you.

Valentine's Day Gifts

2012-01-29T15:11:00.003Z

It would be amiss of us here at the Relationship Blog if we didn't tell you about the upcoming Barnes and Noble's fantastic Valentine's Day gifts. After all, this is a relationship blog and like it or not, Valentine's Day plays a large part of relationships - even friendship ones.

Have you ever given a Valentine's day present to a friend who's had a bit of a rough time in relationships? I know, I have. I've also sent my sister cards and chocolates on Valentine's day. I know this 'holiday' was promoted by card companies to milk more money out of us, but the romantic side of me still kind of thinks it's a beautiful and innocent way to celebrate love. I remember this time of year in high school being a very exciting period for my girlfriends. I didn't have a boyfriend, so it didn't affect me much, but my friends were always nervous about whether the object of their affections were going to give them Valentine's Day cards and presents or not.

In her first year of Primary school, my 5 year old daughter was given a bag of chocolates and a teddy bear as a Valentine's day gift. There was also a card inside the bag, and the little boy (who sent it) had written lots of little kisses under his name. My daughter was totally embarrassed, but she ate the chocolates anyway (she was only 5). This same daughter also received 2 marriage proposals that year from two different little boys in her class. Yes, Valentine's day is usually a day of going out for dinners, fancy cards and romantic presents - even if you're 5 years old!

To facilitate this present giving, Barnes and Noble are pulling out all the stops and are giving you, the shopper 50% off all gifts bought during this time. If you're a bit strapped for cash and have been waiting for ages to buy something you've always wanted for yourself or a loved one, you should grab this Valentine's day sale now because this may be the cheapest you'll get it this year.

The sale includes some amazing products: The nook, which is a cheaper alternative to the kindle, books, electronics and much more for your loved ones. Valentine's day gifts should last a bit longer than chocolates if you can afford it. :-)

Electronics valentine's day gifts

And their best-selling product.. the nook - kindle's rival

books are always welcome for valentine's day presents

Relationship Forum: Get Over A Boy Friend

2012-01-25T12:44:00.000Z

The Relationship Forum is a special feature run by this blog to highlight some very real relationship problems being faced by women. These are taken from a forum I run elsewhere, but all identifiable details have been changed and the letters edited to fit this blog. I give you the problem and then the solution I offered. You can see other relationship problems tackled in here. Please do feel free to leave your thoughts on the matter.

get over a boyfriend: the road to recovery

Here's *Jennifer's story: (not real name)

Relationship forum: get over a boyfriend

Dear Anne, I’ve recently broken up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. I’m doing everything I can do to cope with losing him: Going out with friends, spending time with my family, staying busy etc. But for some reason I can’t move on.

I don’t know how to be on my own anymore and that scares me. I know it’s over with him and I am ready to move on but how do I do that when every part of me is still in love with him? I don’t feel like ME anymore ( I know it sounds pathetic but its true).

I feel as though I need to talk to him as we broke up through text message and I haven’t spoken since, but I am worried any contact will only make me miss him more.

I hate that this has affected me so much. I thought I was stronger than this. That I could deal with a little heart break. It turns out I was wrong.

Anne, please help me to get over him, I am tired of feeling this way.

Answer: get over a boyfriend
Dear *Jennifer.

It’s natural to feel the way you do. You don’t feel like ‘you’ at this point in time because your relationship with your boyfriend had become such an intricate part of your life, it was part of who you were. Now he’s not there your thoughts and feelings are all in a ‘different place,’ a place which doesn’t feel like ‘home.’ Essentially, a part of you has been ripped away.

You'd be less than human if you didn’t still love this man. You loved him for 3 and a half years. Emotions don’t suddenly turn off because of a break-up.

A large part of the reason you feel so unsettled and unable to draw a line and move on is because of the way in which you broke up. This is certainly not the way to conduct such a traumatic event. It leaves everyone with unanswered questions.

My advice: You need to see each other face to face to say your goodbyes. You are strong, but no one is strong enough to absorb closure from a text message!

I suggest you do it properly. This is the only way you could start to draw from the strength I know is inside you, get over your boyfriend, find closure and move on with the the rest of your life.

Time will indeed heal. Think on this, look forward to it happening, and you’ll start to see a difference.

What's the best way to get over a boyfriend?
In conclusion: what is the best way you've tried in order to get over a boyfriend? Do you believe in the quick-rip plaster method, or the slow, painful recovery? What advice did you receive and which ones helped the most? What do you wish you knew back then to help yourself heal faster? Getting over a boyfriend can be a difficult thing for many women. The more we share with each other, the better we get at finding ammunition to help us cope. Please share this article with someone going through a rough patch at the moment. You may also like to read the book below, written by Pauline Anderson, on how to get over an ex.

Here are some more love help articles and others designed for single people.

Stress Management In Relationships

2012-01-18T10:15:00.000Z

Stress Management In Relationships will show you real ways to cope with, and handle the stress in your relationship. In movies, the perfect relationships are those that are completely free of stress. They're relationships that represent a perfect match – two people that could not be more right for each other, to the point where they never fight, they never wonder about their relationship, and they never experience any amount of stress because of or related to their partner.

Not only is this a fairy tale – it actually goes against what we know about relationships. In fact, stress is an important part of a healthy relationship, because stress (and how a couple deals with that stress) is a type of connection. Those that learn to easily handle the stress and pressures of the relationship are those that are developing a great connection with their partner – one of mutual understanding and support. Those in relationships who struggle with stress regularly and do not find support with their partner are the relationships that struggle. (See this article, Marriage and Healthy Arguments).

Stress Management in Relationships

Relationship stress may be brought on by any number of different factors. It may be caused by outside influences, such as a pressure filled job or fights with friends and family, or it may be caused by internal factors, such as infighting and arguments between you and your partner. Learning to handle this stress is an important part of making your relationship stronger, so here are several tips for dealing with tension in the relationship.

Stress management relationship tip 1: Talk

It's the most important, the most obvious, and yet the one that can't be said enough. Both partners need to talk about their issues when they come up. That doesn't mean that you need to bring up every little thing that bothers you, but the silent treatment, withholding sex, spending time apart – these are all bad solutions to the problem that will ultimately fail. Only talking can help, because only talking can relieve the tension and address the issue head on. There's a great article here called, How to Fall Back In Love.

Stress management relationship tip 2: Personal Reflection

Another thing you need to do is take a deep breath and ask yourself something very important that few people ask themselves: "Does it really matter?" Many people find that in relationships there are numerous little things that start to bother them. This is a false problem – there is no such thing as a little thing. However, there is such thing as giving weight to something that doesn't matter. For instance, if you are upset because your partner leaves the toilet seat up or frustrated because your partner talks during a TV show you watch, ask yourself how much that really matters. Often you'll find that something that annoyed you was annoying you because you were already annoyed, not because your partner was actually performing a problem behaviour.

Stress management relationship tip 3: Touch

Couples that are feeling stress often avoid touching each other, keeping physical distance between them because of the emotional distance they're experiencing. Once again, this will only make it worse. When you both know you're feeling stress, continue to hold hands, be close, cuddle – even make love once in a while. These things are all relaxing and natural stress relievers, and they help you avoid exacerbating your stress and anxiety symptoms.

Stress management relationship tip 4: Find a Happy Place

When you are feeling stress and tension, a good idea is to find a real, physical location that makes you feel relaxed and energized. Often that is near a beach, or a public park, or something calm like an aquarium or library. Regardless of where you choose, the idea is that you will be able to find a spot that helps you relax when you're feeling tension. From there you can integrate relaxation techniques or look for artistic outlets if that helps you relax.

Stress management relationship tip 5: Work On Yourself

Blame is a big part of relationships, often because one person feels that they are causing the other person grief. While you can and need to talk about your problems and how you hope the other person can change, the truth is that you cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself.

This doesn’t mean you should assume that your emotions are wrong. If you feel hurt, upset, or angry, your partner may indeed be causing you this stress, and you shouldn't simply accept that you deserve to feel that stress or pressure. But there are likely other ways that you can change to make your relationship better. Work on the ways you can improve as well you can. It's possible that the more you work on yourself, the more your partner will work on themselves in response.

Conclusion

Relationships were never meant to be perfect, and even the best relationships experience stress and anxiety. What's important is that you address the problems head on, and look for ways to help yourself relax in the process. If you can learn how to handle the pressures, you'll find that your relationship becomes even stronger.

About the Author: Ryan Rivera offers advice on withstanding stress and anxiety that can be found on his website, www.calmclinic.com.

If you liked Stress Management in Relationships or know someone who can benefit from it, please send them this article or share it on your favourite networking sites. Thank you.

Relationship Forum: Lost Love

2012-01-12T12:39:00.001Z

Relationship forum is a regular item run by this site to give some relationship help to women in general. The relationship forum element of this blog is taken from my advice column (edited, with all the identifiable details changed, of course). It sets out to address some of the more general problems faced by women who've been mistreated by their partners, and those unlucky in love. I hope that by highlighting individual stories, I can help more people in similar situations.

Have a look at the previous relationship forums on this blog here:
Confidence to stay away
Relationship has left a hole in your life
Feeling destroyed at the end of the relationship
Finding him, only to lose him

Relationship forum: Here is 'Mary's' story of lost love

Lost love just before wedding day

Dear Anne, I am going through an extremely hard break up. I’m older have already been through a divorce, but this is worse. We were engaged to be married later this year, but he broke up with me three months before our wedding day. I really didn’t understand why. I have asked him to explain and he said I pushed him away. I guess there may have been times that I didn’t show him the attention I should have but I work full time while raising my kids.

Feelings of depression

At times I feel a little overwhelmed and want to go into hiding. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I have apologised and told him I would try harder to be more aware and not push him away. He said at this time he needed to concentrate on himself and he could only be a friend. He did say that maybe after he works on himself, things could change. I so want to hang on because I feel like we’re supposed to be together. I’m a religious person and pray about it. I hold onto the hope that it’ll work out.

Help! Am I just grasping at straws? When I try to think of bad things about the relationship I have a hard time thinking of any.

My reply to ‘Mary’

Past mistakes in love

I can understand why it hurts so much. You felt like you had a second chance at happiness with a life partner, and determined to make this one work. When that didn't happen it almost crushed you. As the (supposed) wedding date gets closer, your pain - instead of waning, grows even more intense.

Maybe it was your inner turmoil of being scared you were going to make the same mistakes as your first marriage, that led you to push him away. While there may be an element of truth in this, it sounds as though your fiancé was partly to blame as well. It appears as though he is also unsure this will work.

The only thing I can say is that (and you won’t agree) it may be a good thing the split happened now and not after you were married. Being twice divorced would’ve only left you more wounded, and would’ve negatively affected your self-esteem.

Difficult to let love go

There doesn’t seem to be much you can do about getting him back. The most important thing now is to focus your time and effort into reassuring your kids. Remember that this break-up is affecting them maybe as much as it has affected you. They’ll try to hide their pain because they do not want to place even more pressure on you than you already have. So talk to them and reassure them that relationships can and do work. The last thing you want is for them to grow up with unresolved issues about relationships because you were too buried in your agony to help them through theirs.

You’re suffering I know, but your focus on healing them will take your mind off your pain, especially at this time when you should’ve been preparing to become a new bride.

Take stock of what love has left you

After this desperate period is over, take stock of what is left of the relationship. If it cannot be restored, determine to move on. You’ve been strong enough to do it once and you can draw wisdom from that episode to do it again. You’ll feel alone, so once the kids are okay, gather your friends and family around you and rebuild.

There isn’t time to run after this man, let go of him. I’m assuming he’s older, so if he loves you, he’ll know that he’s got to come running back soon or you’ll be gone. Tell him you’re stepping away and really do so. If he doesn’t come back build your strength and leave him alone. You found him, so you can and will find another.

The bottom line is that your kids have to be comforted and reassured. This break-up could’ve left them thinking it was their fault. But of course, you wouldn’t know this until you really sit down, take time off, and speak with them.

Sometimes relationships aren't meant to be

Find calm, find peace. When you pray, stop asking to be reunited with this man and instead, ask God to give you the peace to let go. Always remember that as a Father, God sometimes answers ‘NO’ to our prayers when He knows something isn’t good for us. It’s only natural for a parent to do this. If your child asked you for a weapon what would your answer be?

Maybe God has already given you his answer…

Conclusion - relationship forum: lost love

If you've been affected by similar circumstances, please feel free to send me an email from my contact page or in the comments below. Also, if you know anyone who will benefit from this piece, send it to them by email or share it on your favourite networking sites. As always, thank you for visiting The Relationship Blog. Have a look at the rest of the stories in the relationship forum series. They're linked above.

Have You Got Business Plans For 2012

2012-01-12T11:29:00.001Z

I know a lot of stay at home mums and working mothers are now looking for help with their startup businesses. The spread of Internet use means that a lot of people can now work from home with their very own businesses. If you've got a business plan, a small capital and the will to stick with it, there are corporations out there (like this company formation in Hong Kong) set up just to help you achieve your dream of working for yourself.

A friend of mine has just started her own shoe design business from home. She had some amazing ideas for shoes (and bags) and decided to give it a go, even though she already works outside the home. Work dissatisfaction is sometimes the key to finding yourself a career path you're perfect for. After all, working on something you're passionate about is truly a contentment not many people find.

This incorporate company in Hong Kong helps you with all the nuts and bolts of the start up business game. All you need is your plan, your idea and your dream and they will get you the logistics you need. Not all of us can do everything. And in order to do something right, you need the specialist help on the element with which you're weakest.

If you're already working in an office, but are dissatisfied with your job, or if you're a WAHM and have a desire to start your own business you should look into this. It may be just the thing you need.

How To Be Friends With An Ex

2012-01-07T16:36:00.001Z

Breaking up is hard to do. Many people try to avoid the pain of that sudden break by promising to stay friends with your ex and trying to maintain some connection. Others may lament the loss of someone who meant so much at one time and try to adapt that relationship by forming a lasting friendship after the break up. However, maintaining a friendship with someone for whom you once had such strong feelings can be harder than breaking up. If you want to stay friends with an ex, there are several things you will need to do:

How to be friends with an ex

staying friends with your ex can be very difficult

To be friends with an ex, consider why you want to be friends

Start by evaluating your motivations. Why do you want to stay friends with your ex? Perhaps you have unresolved guilt about how you behaved as a partner and you want to make amends. Maybe you were the one who ended the relationship and you want to soften the blow by continuing some type of contact. If these are the kinds of reasons motivating you to pursue the friendship, then you should make a clean break. Friendships founded on these reasons will not last, and the end of the relationship will be harder than the break up. For friendship help and advice click on the link.

To stay friends with your ex you must keep it 'friendly'

If you still have any unresolved feelings for your ex - or your ex for you - then your friendship will not be able to move forward. You will simply be prolonging your breakup and holding each other back from moving on. Make sure you've given both of you time to let your romantic feelings go, then focus on keeping the relationship platonic. Don't continue to have romantic relations, and don't engage in romantic behavior like flirting or discussing your feelings for one another.

To be friends with an ex, redefine the relationship

It is easy to fall into old patterns. If you're going to be friends with your ex, you have to redefine the relationship. You can't expect to have the same rights, such as knowing the other's whereabouts, or being present at functions with family or friends, or expecting the other person to perform certain favors. You may not be able to talk about some of the things you used to talk about, as you may not enjoy the same level of intimacy. Understanding that a friendship will impose more emotional distance than a romantic relationship will help you to create a new, successful relationship.

To be friends with an ex, don't rehash the past

You have broken up, and the past is behind you. Don't use your new friendship as an opportunity to continue to work out past grievances, or even to reminisce about fond memories. Don't spend time talking about things that happened while you were a couple, bringing up past complaints, or trying to work out your lingering anger over past problems. If these issues are not resolved enough to move past them, you aren't ready to establish a friendship.

To be friends with an ex, be prepared to face a new romance

Finally, you should be prepared to accept the fact that your new "friend" will eventually start dating someone else, and will one day fall in love with someone else. Accept that you will at some time have to (at least) have a superficial conversation about your former love interest's new love interest. You don't have to be your new friend's confidante and offer love advice, but you should be able to have casual conversation about the new relationship.

Conclusion: how to be friends with an ex

Learning to become friends with an ex will take some time. You have to give yourself enough distance to get over your former romantic feelings and to move past the problems that caused your break up in the first place. Once you have done that, you should be prepared to redefine the relationship on platonic terms. With time and effort, you could find a satisfying friendship to replace the once happy relationship you shared.

About the author:

Amanda Tradwick is a grant researcher and writer for CollegeGrants.org. She has a Bachelor's degrees from the University of Delaware, and has recently finished research on college grants and student grants for adults.

Healthy Weight

2011-12-28T16:54:00.000Z

Healthy weight maintenance is one thing everyone will be striving to do in the new year. Resolutions are popping up in our heads at the moment and a lot of them have to do with losing weight. A Healthy weight programme is a more sustainable and wiser option than 'fast weight loss diets' that enable you to lose a large amount of weight in one week. I have the perfect solution to the healthy weight phenomenon. If I told you I could show you a way to reach your healthy weight without going on a diet, what would you say? Yes! I can show you a programme to help you attain that healthy weight loss and drop at least 2 dress sizes in 8 weeks! Think of what this would do for your confidence and relationships.

Healthy weight for women
We women have a more difficult time than our male counterparts. For example, I had 3 babies in as many years and could never find the time to go to a gym or weight-loss groups. I invented the above mentioned programme to help me to maintain a sustainable, healthy weight free, from my own home. I know (first hand) that going on a diet is not an option for many women. This is why you can now get what's worked so well for me. Diets set us up for failure and by definition, aren't permanent fissures in our lives. Women, especially - because of the way our bodies are made up - need a more sustainable way to achieve a healthy weight loss. It's time to resolve to ditch fast weight loss diets - not to go on yet another boring, useless diet.

Healthy weight loss
Notice, we're not talking about fast weight loss, crash diets, or lose weight-in-a-week quick fixes that leave dieters falling flat on their faces. Maintaining good health is about a complete programme that involves all aspects of your life. This programme, therefore, is perfect for your New Year's resolution because it deals with all of you - completely - and among other things, gives you a mind overhaul about the your attachment to food. Healthy weight loss leaves you feeling great about your decision to lose weight - not hungry because you're involved in an unsustainable diet.

Here's my healthy weight loss book. It's called, 'How To Really Lose Weight Without Dieting'. I'm sure your healthy weight loss resolutions start here. You have my promise of first-hand help as you read through and follow the programme in this book. Once you purchase it (hard copy or kindle) send me a message with any questions you have as you proceed. This is not a diet. It's a lifestyle for healthy weight loss!

Home For Christmas

2011-12-22T18:27:00.000Z

The Relationship Blog wishes you a wonderful holiday and hopes that you're all home for Christmas. My sister, who's in the army is home for Christmas this year. She'll be in Afghanistan this time in 2012, but this year she's with us, so we'll make the best of it!

I hope that if you're reading this you've managed to get home for Christmas. I also hope that your husband or wife or other family members have made it home for Christmas too. I don't want to think about what it would be like, missing someone you love at this time of year.

Thanks so much for your support in 2011. Please let me know in the comment box how I can meet your needs better on The Relationship Blog in 2012. Here's to us all!

I would also like to take this time to say Merry Christmas to my 2011 sponsors. Their links are below. I (and they) will appreciate it if you shopped with them if you're looking for deals during this time.

Affordable chest of drawers for your home
Vistaprint
Looking to buy your kids an iPad, here's an iPad honest review - all you need to know in one place!

Merry Christmas to all!

Dating After Divorce

2011-12-16T11:19:00.000Z

Dating after divorce can be a difficult adjustment for most people. After a long relationship and years spent living with the same person, suddenly being on your own can be scary. And then you have to get on the dating scene again - a steep hill to climb when you've been out of the game for a long time. The first and most important thing to remember when dating after a divorce is; don’t rush yourself. A divorce is an incredibly exhausting process, so take things slowly and learn to enjoy being on your own for a while.

Dating after divorce

For successful dating After divorce: stay active
Being by yourself is going to be difficult so it's important to keep busy and engaged with life. Taking up a new hobby will keep your mind focused and enable you to learn new skills and qualities. It will also help you meet new people, which for some reason only becomes harder as we get older. Relationships are usually centred on work or family life, but embracing a new hobby or class will throw you into an environment with people of similar interests.

Starting a new hobby or renewing an old interest can be the positive start you need to move on with your life and rebuild your confidence. Perhaps there is something you have always wanted to try but your ex-husband was never keen. You may even find that you enjoy it more than you ever did. By engaging in old interests, you won’t have any regrets about why you never pursued them.

Maintain old relationships while dating after a divorce
Remember it’s not all about the new. It’s just as important to maintain the relationships you already have. This can be difficult after a divorce if you share friends but don’t let it affect your whole life. Make time for your old friends and join a reunion site to reconnect with those you’ve lost contact with over the years. See here for advice on how to fall back in love once you're ready to step from the old and into the new.

Find time for you before dating after divorce
Use the free time you have for yourself and don’t be afraid to be selfish once in a while. In a marriage it’s easy to let things go both physically and emotionally when it comes to the things you enjoy doing. Join a gym or exercise class to stay fit and learn to cook healthy food. Taking pride in your appearance will give you confidence and prove to your friends and family how well you’re doing. Confidence-building help is just a click away. Be bold enough to grab it!

Conclusion to dating after divorce
If you haven't had a date in a while, don’t panic. Focus on your interests, and spend time in the places you like. It is in these places where you're most likely to meet a person who shares the same interests. Whether that's a favourite restaurant, class or theatre show, who knows, but there is someone out there just for you. Just remember most of all to relax and enjoy yourself. The last thing you need is to dive head first into another serious relationship, so learn to love your own company.

Going through a divorce can be such a stressful and painful time, but it can also spell the beginning of a new you. Accept the past and embrace your future!

This was a guest post by Sarah Leeds (with some input from me).
If you're a woman in your thirties and can benefit from some relationship help, this linked one is a fantastic article you should read.

For a comprehensive Survival Divorce guide for women Click Here!

Pack Right For Your Family's Trips This Christmas

2011-12-09T06:00:00.006Z

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of My Travel Checklist for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

Have you ever gone away at this time of year with your loved ones, only to realise you've left something important behind? My family and I usually alternate with the in-laws to visit each other's homes at Christmas each year. I find this journey particularly stressful. Not only do I have to buy and pack presents. I also have to make sure I pack all the family needs for this cold time of year, plus make sure everyone's got at least something from their Christmas list packed. This is no easy feat, I assure you.

I recently found out that Mondial Assistance is about to launch My Travel Checklist. This is a free widget to make all your holiday plans and packing a breeze. The widget will help you pack everything you need if you're going away for Christmas, or indeed any other time of year.

You can access this widget from your home computer, laptop or any mobile device, so you always have it at hand when you need it. Not only would you have all you need when you get to your destination, it will help you pack exactly what you need for the time of year you go away, and for your required destination. Isn't that clever!

Anyone can use this widget. It doesn't require any sort of technical knowledge. If you can send a text or download an app, you can use it. You can build your packing list from a group of suggestions or add your own items to the list based on your needs.

Don't worry, you can always change the items on the widget when you want. You can also email or print the material if you need to. Best of all, it's easy and free!

Relationship Help Forum: Find Your Love, Lose Your Love

2011-12-05T20:17:00.000Z

This blog is affiliated to a relationship forum that has helped a lot of women stand on their own two feet where their relationships are concerned. Every couple of months (or so) we feature another real relationship crisis and its solution to help you with your love life. Of course, all names and identifiable details are changed to protect identities. Here’s *Kathy’s story. Have you had a similar 'find your love' experience?

She found her love relationship

I’m really young, but for some stupid reason seem to have met the love of my life early – in high school. Although, this year, we haven’t officially “gone out”, we’ve been extremely close and I realised about 6 months ago that I was completely and utterly in love with him. At the time this came as a happy realisation, and I thought – because of the things he said and did – that he felt the same way about me.

He had another love relationship

However, I then found out, not directly from him, that he “liked” another girl. I was very confused by this and asked him if it was true. He only admitted that it was, the third time I asked. Apparently he was torn, and could not choose between the two of us. Naturally, my heart was bruised by this severely. I got advice from friends to go for it and snatch him before the other girl did, but attempting this only got me more wound up in the whole matter and more in love. Later I saw her texts on his phone, and then saw them at several different events flirting and kissing passionately. My heart was crushed.

She lost her love relationship

I cried solidly for weeks. I wrote poems and verses. I painted and drew. I took your advice on getting over a relationship, and yet, after months, nothing seems to work. I’m happy and positive about moving for a little while, but then I talk to him or see him, or I see them both together and my world splits in two and the tears just come back. I lose control.

He doesn’t know what he wants from any relationship

What’s even more confusing is that he still says he has not made up his mind. Why can’t he just chose between us and put me out of my misery? we live in a rural area and it’s hard to avoid them, but my heart strings feel constantly stretched to the point of snapping, as does my mental health.

My relationship help
Dear ‘Kathy’, You’re one of the lucky ones because you found out early how beautiful falling in love could be. I know you won’t believe this, but it happens to us many times in our lives. At this moment you may be thinking that it’s impossible to love anyone as profoundly as you loved this young man, but we have such an unlimited capacity for love in our hearts, that it can and does happen again. You will find your love again.

It’s the same way parents feel after their first child is born. A friend of mine made up his mind right after his daughter was born, that he didn’t want another child because he felt so much love for his daughter, he was sure he couldn’t possibly have any more left to share with another baby. Needless to say, he found out he was wrong.

Devastated at first love

The reason I’m saying this to you is because you seem devastated that your first love has turned out the way it has, and at the moment your desperation comes from the fact that you think you’ve lost something you’ll never, ever find again. It's perfectly natural to feel this way. Everyone does, but this is not true at all.

Make your own decision to quit a relationship. Don’t leave it up to the other person

It is evident this young man does not love you the way you love him. It’s painful, but you need to realise this in order to move on. It’s not okay to leave the future of your love life in the hands of the man. By this I mean that it’s not right to leave the fate of a potential relationship totally up to him. You can make the decision to say, ‘that’s enough!’ If he felt for you like you do for him, he would’ve been as sure as you are that he wanted you two to be together.

Even if you two enter into a relationship at this point, you will only get hurt. He will always be unsure, and this means he’ll always cheat on you. Trust me, it will be a hundred times more painful then because at that time, you’ll expect more from him in terms of trust and loyalty than you do now.

Find who you are before you find who you want

High school is a time to have fun (and I don’t mean promiscuity) and the second most important thing (first - of course - being your studies) is to find out who you are and what you want. Most people date and test the waters to find out what type of person they would like in the future. Not many people who meet in high school stay together, marry and have kids. There is a reason for this – most people change at the cusp of adulthood.

Time is a great healer, put your head down, study, date other people and you’ll find that it will get better. My advice is not to push a relationship with this young man. He obviously does not really love you. If he did, he would’ve picked you – there would’ve been NO question in his mind at all. Ask yourself this, is there a question in YOUR mind? Would he have to wait for you to choose if the shoe was on the other foot?

You’re smart. Now you have your answer.

What additional relationship advice would you give to 'Kathy'? Have you ever been in this position before? What did you do and what advice really helped you to move on from that doomed relationship? For other Articles for singles, please check out the linked page. As always, thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment. Please share this article with someone you think can benefit from it, and on your social networking sites. Thank you. The other articles in this relationship help forum series are below.

June Relationship help

July Relationship help

September Relationship help

October Relationship help

ING Direct: Savings Widget

2011-12-03T04:00:00.001Z

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of ING Direct for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

This present economic state means that families everywhere have less and less to spend on themselves. Presents at Christmas, and birthday gift lists for most families have become smaller and smaller. Maybe this is a good thing. People have been in competition with themselves for years, trying to outdo what they did in the previous years. It makes you wonder what idiotic heights this competition would've gone, had the economic downturn not stopped us in our tracks.

Savings and families

You may be thinking that it's crazy to talk about savings at a time like this. People have got to tighten their belts and eat less (maybe good for the obesity crisis that's hit us too), surely, they don't have enough money to save.

This is where you would be wrong. This is the perfect time to save. Not only is it prudent to set aside something small each month, but it's become necessary to do so because of our financial insecurity. 1. Credit is no longer that easily attained. 2. Our financial insecurities means that we may suffer more, should anything happen to our earning potential.

ING Direct

I visited this site and perused their savings plan. I was surprised to find that they now have an extremely useful widget that means householders can now find out, on average, how much they're saving in selected areas. This is brilliant. Not only is ING direct enabling a Savings Accounts that allows you to save from £1.00 a month, but with this widget, UK customers can also see how much they're saving (and how much they can save) in areas of necessary spending. This is a huge bonus and a tool each household should definitely use.

The widget is below. Why not try out the 'My Comparison Table' and let me know in the comment box below, how much you could be saving.

Find out more about ING Direct Savings Find out more about ING Direct Savings

First Dates: Best Public Places For Them

2011-11-27T17:57:00.001Z

First dates can be very tricky. You've been waiting for what seems like an age to find that perfect date. Now you finally have, and you realise you've got a new problem: where on earth do you go? Obviously, you don't want to invite them to your house yet, or them - you to theirs. So it needs to be somewhere public. Of course, there are the tried-and-tested options of going to a bar or perhaps a restaurant. However, not everyone drinks and even if you do, bars can get rowdy - not ideal if you want to get to know someone properly and make this one a really good first date.

Going to a bar also just seems like a bit of a cliché for a fun first date. If you really want to impress your date, think of something more unusual. No, you don't need to rush out and book a skiing holiday or a Royal Caribbean cruise. There are plenty of much more budget-friendly options for great first dates that will still have them falling for you. Here is our guide to some of the best public places to take a first date.

Fun first date idea 1: Ice-skating

It's the right time of year for this. Ice rinks are springing up steadily for the winter season, and they make quite romantic places to go on a first date. They can get very busy, which fulfils the requirement for somewhere public, although it does mean that you should probably book ahead. It might also be best to go in the evening when the rink will be mostly used by adults, and there will also be the added romance of the lit-up arena sparkling in the darkness. If neither of you are good skaters you can help each other around - a great bonding experience. If you're better than your date, then giving them some helpful tips as you skate might impress them on this extremely fun first date idea.

Fun first date idea 2: A trip to the theme park

If you and your date are both adrenalin lovers (and do find out for sure before you go) then a visit to the theme park can be a great way to get to know each other. Experiencing heightened emotions with someone is a good way to get to know them. The fear and joy induced by a trip on a roller-coaster is a very safe way to experience emotions with someone you don't yet know well. Most theme parks have some more relaxed attractions - such as zoos - too, so when you're bored of the high-life, you can enjoy a romantic wander together.

Fun first date idea 3: A visit to the museum or gallery

If you have shared interests - and it's a good start if you do - then a trip to a gallery or museum is a great way to enjoy a date together. Sharing something you both have a passion for is one of the best ways to create a romantic connection with someone. It's important to pick something you'll both like, rather than going along with their suggestion to try and impress. If they know their subject, they'll want to talk about it. Pick somewhere big with lots of exhibits and different rooms you can take your time exploring.

Fun first date idea 4: A dance class

It doesn't matter if you can dance or not, although it's probably best not to do this one if you have wildly different abilities. Most cities these days are packed with dance schools and teachers offering classes on a drop in basis. There are lots of different styles around too, so you can have fun deciding together which type of class to take. Flamenco? Ballroom? Cuban? As with the ice-skating, it's a good way to bond as you get to help each other to do something, and even done badly, dancing can be sexy. Perhaps learning to dance together can create lasting memories if this budding relationship works out.

Fun first date idea 5: A tourist visit

Wherever you live, there are bound to be a few tourist attractions you've always wanted to visit but never have. Your first date is the perfect opportunity to put that right. As with the museum idea, make sure you pick something that interests you both. Then retire to a cosy café or pub and talk about what you've seen. Alternatively, take a trip to a nearby town neither of you know well and spend the day exploring. It will feel like a mini-adventure and will give you some great stories to talk about on your second date.

Have you just started a love relationship? Are you in the process of learning to love again? Have you just met your dream mate online and want to impress with a fantastic first date? Whatever your needs, this list will give you that boost you need to pick the most fun first date to suit. Maybe you have some great first date ideas you'd like to share with this Relationship Blog readers. Please leave them in the comment box below.
As always, thanks for your visit and comments, and do come again. Please share this post if you like it.

This is a guest post by Isabella Woods.

Handling Your In-Laws Over The Holidays

2011-11-22T12:27:00.000Z

There’s no denying that the holiday season, while appealing in many ways, can also be a major cause of stress. The prospect of seeing loved ones you've long been separated from, eating amazing food, giving and receiving gifts, and enjoying all of the traditions of the season is something most of us look forward to all year. What we don’t relish is the pressure to buy, the tense crowds of eager shoppers, and the abundant preparation that goes into every detail, from travel arrangements to cooking for a crowd to the presentation of gifts. And for many of us, there is a sinking feeling associated with the time we must spend with our crazy in-laws.

Why you dread spending the holidays dealing with your in-laws

Don’t think you’re alone in this sentiment. It should come as no surprise that you’d rather spend family holidays with your own family, where you feel comfortable and relaxed. It’s difficult to interlope into someone else’s traditions. You’re outnumbered and expectations are high; basically it’s a recipe for disaster and yet, you’re being called upon to perform. And it can be even worse if you don’t get along with your in-laws particularly well. But there are definitely ways to dispel some of the tension, get them to behave, and make interactions with your in-laws smoother.

Let the in-laws come to you

For starters, you can choose to have gatherings on your own turf instead of going to your spouse’s family home. Consider offering to host at your own home. This way you can have both your family and your partner’s in one place, forming a whole new set of family traditions that centres on your life together. This not only provides neutral ground for both families to meet, it also gives you the upper hand to steer the course of events in your favor. And if your spouse is disappointed by the break in tradition, lovingly tell him/her that you're missing out on going to your family home as well, but that this is a fair way of making new memories and traditions together.

Pick a task that you always do for your in-laws

Of course, the above not fly with the in-laws (or may not be possible) so if you simply can’t avoid going to them, there are still plenty of ways to ensure everyone has a good time. You can make yourself useful to your hosts. Offer your services until they are accepted. This doesn’t mean you have to pester your mother-in-law in the kitchen until she lets you stir a pot. If an offer to help with the cooking is rebuffed, set the table, vacuum the living room, do some laundry, or offer to watch your nieces and nephews so that the adults can head to the lawn for their annual pick-up game. At the very least you should clean up after yourself so as not to give your hosts any extra work. If you pick a task that you can do each year (eg, cook the meat or buy, clean and wash the vegetables), there is no confusion and you can get right down to it.

Separate your time with your spouse, away from the in-laws

You should also engineer some alone time. Until you’re totally comfortable with your partner’s family, you’re going to have to 'perform' to some extent, and that can be tiring. So give yourself frequent breaks by going out for coffee, taking a bath, or walking or jogging daily. Find a local yoga class to attend. Go to the book store and browse. It is essential to have some alone time. If you can, get your spouse to go with you on these outings. You’re going to need some romantic reinforcement to get you through the visit, especially if you’re there for several days. So unless you want to end up in relationship counseling, you need to find ways to get your partner away from his/her family for a while so you can both remember that you’re in this together.

This guest post was written by Evan Fischer, a freelance writer and part-time student at California Lutheran University in Thousand Oaks, California.

What tips do you have in handling the in-laws during the holidays? If you have some that work, please share them in the comment box below. Christmas is coming again, so don't forget to get into the spirit and get your fill of the Christmas related articles in the link.

Find Your Love Relationship

2011-11-11T22:28:00.001Z

A guest post by Dr. Beth Erickson

Introduction

The Beatles’ song “Can’t Find Me Love” highlights the dilemma many single women and men experience when dating. “If only the person of my dreams would come along,” they lament. This post will consider the things that are in your control and those that are not, where relationships are concerned. What you can control is yourself. So this search to find your love relationship needs to start with you. To help you with this pursuit, here are my five hottest tips gleaned from over three decades of experience as a couples’ therapist.

Look at relationships in a different way

Has your focus has been on finding the right guy? Turn the kaleidoscope to look at dating in a different way. Instead, think of it as a journey to finding intimacy. When that potential partner is found, it’ll help you see his humanness, gauge his capacity for emotional intimacy, and not objectify him. That, of course, presupposes that you are capable of intimacy yourself. If you’re not sure, hire a competent relationship therapist to help you remove your parries to intimacy.

Be certain of what you expect from the relationship

Being clear about what you’re looking for enhances the chances of finding it. I’m not suggesting you evaluate every guy you meet with a critical eye. In fact, this tip has nothing whatsoever to do with any man. I want you, first and foremost, to focus on yourself. Instead of concentrating all of your attention looking outward at whether this guy is cute enough or smart enough or rich enough to date, first roll your eyes inward. Go down inside, and do some soul-searching. Then make a list of at least 10 things that you believe you need to have in a mate. (Needs are not optional - wants are.) Here’re some examples of typical questions you could consider as you compile your list. This is not intended to be an exhaustive list, rather to get you thinking.

~Is religion or spiritual practice important to you individually?

~Is sharing the same religion or spiritual practice important to you?

~What types of recreational activities do you prefer?

~What shared activities are important to you?

~How important is it to you that you and your partner share similar hobbies?

~What income level do you seek in a partner, and what, if anything, are you prepared to contribute?

~How important is having children to you, and how many would you like?

~Are you willing to move if necessary?

~How much independent time are you comfortable with for him and for yourself?

~Do you have a strong political party affiliation? How important is it to you that a prospective partner shares that orientation?

Now look back over your relationship list. How many of them are needs or non-negotiables? How many are just wants you could live without?

These kinds of questions will help you get at what your basic values are. They'll become the major criteria to concentrate on when you find your love relationship.

A final caveat: keep your focus on yourself at this stage. Stay there until you are certain that you have clarified your list.

Listening plays a key role in finding that love relationship

Now you are ready to start “auditioning” men. On the first date, keep the conversation light, like where you each grew up, how many siblings you each have, etc. Learn to be in control of yourself without being controlling of him. The only person any of us can control is ourselves. So take charge of the conversation and invite him to participate.

Listen stereophonically both to what he is saying, and how he is saying it. Go tourist. See what there is to see. For example, if he volunteers that he was recently in a long term relationship, listen for how he talks about it. Is he respectful of her? Does he accept responsibility for his part in its failure? Is he over her? You will find out a great deal more by listening to how he talks about his prior relationship than by asking direct questions.

Your unconscious mind can steer you in the right direction

Check the chemistry between you. We make most of our most important decisions unconsciously. It’s natural for chemistry and attraction to occur without really knowing it. This is why we often end up wondering why we are drawn to certain people and not to others. Based on messages from your unconscious mind, it’s likely you’ll have a good sense early on if this guy is a realistic prospect or whether you even like him. So trust your intuition. If your gut tells you to avoid this guy, listen to it. Don’t try to force the relationship like the ugly stepsister’s shoe. On the other hand, if your read on him is that he’s likeable and that he may like you in return, this relationship is worth further exploration.

Find love, not desperation

Don’t allow yourself to become desperate. Spending time with friends or developing a new hobby will take your focus off finding love. Get a pet, particularly one that is cuddly and will love you unconditionally. It doesn’t have to be a behemoth dog. A teacup variety will do and in some ways is more desirable. An animal’s presence can help cure your loneliness, which is a source of fuel for desperation. Having an animal also will help you see another side of a man by observing how he relates to your animal – or doesn’t. For example, on my husband’s and my first date, I told him, “There is only one deal breaker. You’ve got to love my dog.” And I meant it. Lucky for both of us, he does.

And if you begin to feel desperate, get good at acting ‘as if’. Act as if you are in no hurry to be in a relationship, and that you have all the time in the world to find the guy of your dreams - because you do. Then, after a while, you’ll convince yourself you’re not desperate. This will make you a much more attractive prospect, as well as save you a great deal of stress.

What This Means for You

First and foremost, get to know yourself, what you value, and what you are looking for before you go in search of a man.

Thanks to Dr Beth Erickson for this enlightening post on how to find your love relationship. Please use the comment form to add your own advice in finding that relationship of your dreams. Many women out there feel they'll never find that special someone. What do you think is holding them back and how did you get out of this rut?

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Longing for Dad: Father Loss and Its Impact; and
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Love Quotes From Celebrities

2011-11-09T13:32:00.003Z

Love quotes aren't what they used to be. They used to be cute and soft, and sprinkled with silver from the clouds. Nowadays love quotes can be cold, hard facts (and frankly, sometimes gibberish), uttered in desperation from someone who hasn't yet found THE ONE.

Below are some love quotes from celebrities and other famous people. You may want to copy and use them on your loved ones, but somehow I get the feeling you wouldn't be using many of them. Here goes!
Disclaimer: many of these love quotes are paraphrased and/or shortened. None of them have been changed. Also, the celebrities have been put in the group which defines what they're most famous for doing.

Love quotes from singers

John lennon – everything is clearer when you’re in love.
Lady gaga – love is like a brick, build a house or sink a dead body.
Kelly Clarkson – the worse people for you are usually the most confident with you.
Madonna – to be brave is to love someone unconditionnaly without expecting anything in return.
Frank Sinatra – A simple I love you means more than money
Mary J Blige – Love is like a garden. Check the weeds and exterminate them. (Ah, how romantic!)

Love quotes from actors

Sean Penn – love is like a reciprocal thing. Can’t be truly felt by just one person.

Ice T – passion makes the world go round. Love makes it a safer place.

Julia Roberts – you know when it’s love when all you want is for that person to be happy, even when you’re not part of their happiness.

Ashton Kutcher – love is like walking up an escalator going down. If you don’t step forward all the time, you’re heading downward. (I had to edit this one a bit. It didn't quite make sense to me).

Sharon Stone – love is like the ocean, sometimes the tide is out, sometimes it’s in.

Liz Hurley – Love is like a rollercoaster ride.

Bruce Lee – love is like friendship caught on fire.

Love quotes from other famous people

Aristotle – Love is a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

Mother Teresa - Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.

Olivia Wilde – love is like a shark pool. (What? You get bitten, then you die?)

Dr Seuss – when you’re in love you can’t fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams. (I'll borrow this one).

Mike Tyson – love is like a car. Know when to slow down and when to speed up.

Well, there you have it. Some love quotes to practice on your loved ones at home. Do you have any cute love quotes you'd like to share with us? If so, use the comment box below to tell us what they are.

Best Online Dating Sites: Global

2011-10-31T14:51:00.000Z

Online dating has lost its taboo and is fast becoming the preferred way for most people to find love, especially older folk. Two of my very close relatives and a close friend have all found and married their soul mates online. These relationships are in no way fleeting or frivolous. The fact that people feel comfortable saying from the start that they're looking for a serious relationship is probably one of the most attractive things about online dating. The relationship blog has scoured the web to find the best online dating sites around, so you could have the love help you need.

Face-to-face dating is great, but sometimes it can get complicated. There are increasingly more dos and don'ts in modern relationships. Each side isn't sure about the rules and are both reluctant to say exactly what they want out of the relationship, especially if they're looking for marriage and building a life together. I have never personally used an online dating site, but based on the experience of family and my friend, I can see how it can work for you.

List of best dating sites
http://www.match.com
Global dating site
Free joining
10 years' service

eHarmony
Most trusted dating site for older and young people alike
20 million registered users
Global dating site
13 years' service

www.friendsuniteddating.co.uk
This dating site also features in outside the UK - USA and Australia (and possibly elsewhere).
1.2 million users
Free online dating

mysinglefriend.com
Anyone can join, single or not. This site allows you to set up a friend and write their profile.
Only available in the UK and Ireland.

www.spiceuk.com
Presently only in the UK.
An activity-based site for single parents, with many fun activities and trips nationwide. It lets you meet people on planned activities and get to know them.

Would you give online dating a try

There are positive points to dating online. Most importantly, Falling in love becomes about the person rather than the look, and arguments can be more constructive because impulsive shouting isn't possible :-)

I suppose there are also downsides to online dating. For example, many people may be more inclined to hide their true personalities if you can't see them. Also, many people have been known to upload younger pictures of themselves (in some cases, pictures of other people entirely). Many sites require a fee and some people can't afford to do this (though, the fee must be much more affordable than constant dates).

Say what you want about it, online dating is becoming more and more acceptable. The US has recently recorded 5% of their married couples to have met online. Are you a part of this growing statistic? If not, are you willing to give online dating a try?

Relationship Help Forum: Confidence To Stay Away

2011-10-24T16:43:00.001+01:00

This blog has been running a relationship help forum for some time, addressing women who’ve been mistreated by the men in their lives, giving them the confidence to move on from bad relationships. When a relationship has come to a natural end, it's sometimes extremely painful and difficult to go your separate ways and let it die. However, the stop-start approach brings more pain and torture than many people can bear. This is seen by Samantha’s story below. These stories have all been edited and details have been changed to protect identities.

September’s relationship help forum, as well as July’s can be read at the links

have you got the confidence to stay away when the relationship has ended?

Here’s what ‘Samantha’ said

Relationship has left her feeling lost

I’m going through a painful breakup which has turned my life upside down, especially at the beginning. I lost my appetite and all I wanted to do was sleep, hoping that when I woke up, everything would be alright – the pain would go away, he would be out of my life and I would be happy once again. I’m lucky I have a good support system of friends and family, but I feel that I am being a burden as we keep talking about my problems without me being able to make any progress. I even defend him when they start reminding me of various things he did!

He won’t break the relationship ties

I have tried the *advice you gave to me, but unfortunately we are still in touch, actually he is. At first it was drunken calls, later it was in the afternoon with some lame excuse that he needed my help. I’ve explained and tried not to answer but that only resulted in him coming over to my house because he was worried. People keep telling me not to open the door but how could I not? I want him back! He creates a scene when he realises that I’m out with friends trying to enjoy life, and got seriously jealous when he realised that I was spending time with my male friends.

No confidence to move on from the relationship

My biggest problem is that he keeps telling me he loves me very much, that he wants me in his life but feels pressured about where things may lead. He’s very vague about all of this but my impression is that he is afraid of commitment. It is very difficult for me to accept that one would let someone they loved go simply because they are afraid of commitment. Love to me is simple. You either love or you don’t. And if you do then you do everything you can to make it work. He also keeps repeating that if it is meant to be it will…which gives me hope, which in turn is killing me!

He is 32, not 18 how difficult can it be for him to make up his mind and stick to it? I want the pain to go away.

The relationship help I provided

Dear Samantha, the first thing that went through my mind when I read your post was how utterly selfish and unfair this man is.

I stopped typing there because I suspect you’re thinking I shouldn’t say that because I don’t know him, and that he can be kind and adorable sometimes.

Well, sometimes is frankly not enough. He’s obviously hanging onto you because in doing so, he can boost his ego knowing that you need to be with him (people with low self-esteem have to manipulate conditions which result in them feeling desperately needed). At the same time, he is keeping you at arm’s length (just far enough to be able to grab you if he can find no one else) in the hope that maybe, someone he thinks is worth his commitment would flit by. In that case, having you at this safe distance would allow him to drop you easily.

Selfishness, not love

He is obviously not thinking about you. If he loved you, he would let you go free to find happiness elsewhere. This is evident in the way he behaves when you go out with friends. His ego would not let him accept that you’re not at home pining and weeping. (Your happiness - in spite of him - makes him feel less important, you see).

You obviously know all of this because you’ve said yourself, “It is very difficult for me to accept that one would let someone they loved go simply because they are afraid of commitment. Love to me is simple. You either love or you don’t. And if you do then you do everything you can to make it work.”

He either wants a relationship – or doesn't

At 32, a man has to know what he wants from a relationship. If he doesn’t, you don’t have to wallow in his juvenile confusion. You can and are free to leave permanently. Tell this man what you want and let him know that there is no point for you two to run together if you’re not even in the same race. Let him know that if he should come to your house again, he wouldn’t be welcome. Make sure he knows you’re not broken enough about him to do anything drastic (which is what his inflated ego thinks you would do) because he is out of your life.

If he doesn’t want you, let him know that means he won’t have any hold on you or what you do. I think you’d be better off without someone this controlling. Imagine if you were married and you wanted to go to a work party with friends and asked him to watch the baby for a few hours. Would he behave any worse than he does now, when you two are not even properly together?

Be confident about what you want in a relationship

I suspect that because you want him back, he is not the only person who needs to make up their mind about staying away. Your last question was ‘how difficult can it be for him to make up HIS mind…?’ This is half the problem. What makes you less than him, that you’re handing him the power to say what happens in a relationship in which you’re also involved?

Maybe the time has come for you to take back your own power that you surrendered to this man some time ago and say, “I will make up my mind and stick to it!”

The pain will only go away when you see that HE does. If you’re sure you don’t want him you will find a way to make him see this. Don’t let him ruin your life. I have a feeling that you’re not 18 either, and you feel it’s time to get on with living.

One last thing, sometimes it is helpful to enlist the help of a male friend to tell needy men off if they persist in their crazy, unrealistic pursuance of a woman.

*I said keeping in touch was a mistake when you’re trying to get over someone.

Have you had a hard time ending a relationship?

What happened and how did you eventually gain the confidence to stop hanging on?

Race Online 2012

2011-10-17T16:10:00.000+01:00

This is NOT a sponsored post. I heard about Go On, Give An Hour campaign and knew instantly that I wanted to help promote it on this blog.

What is Race Online 2012
Briefly, Race Online 2012 is a charitable organisation whose aim is to make UK the first nation in the world where everyone can use the web. The BBC (and other partners) are joining forces with Race Online 2012 to encourage everyone to teach people in their local communities how to use the web. When the clocks in the UK go back on October 30th, if you know anything about the web, even if it's just how to type in a url to find a website, this is your chance to show someone else do that.

Several Race Online partners are involved in various ways. For examaple, the NHS Choices will demonstrate an online 'life check' tool which shows people how to get a health MOT on the net. Mecca bingo clubs will also be holding internet taster sessions from 10am to 1am (on October 31st).

How you could be involved in Race Online 2012
Details are below if you or anyone you know would like to teach someone else to use the web, or if you know someone: an elderly neighbour, a member of your family, or anyone else who could benefit from learning how to use the Internet.

If you wish to make contact with someone locally, why not leave a comment below stating your city in the UK, what you would like to do, or if you would like to learn. I'm sure we can all pool together to give an hour of our time. After all, we're not losing an hour if the clocks are going back, right?

Race online 2011 details
Website: http://raceonline2012.org/
Phone: 0800 77 1234 (free number)

How Clean Is Your House

2011-10-14T11:34:00.000+01:00

The Relationship Blog is keen on relationships. However, we also spend some time dealing with health and family issues here. This winter I'll be publishing a few articles around the latter 2 subjects. Today, How Clean Is Your House will look at ways you can deep clean your home to prepare for those nasty winter bugs waiting in the cracks to let loose on us.

How clean is your house

At present your house is nice, warm and spotlessly clean. All the diy projects and draught proofing have been done as you settle in for the colder months. You keep the surfaces wiped, the corners dusted, and the floors scrubbed. Surely, there are no harmful germs lurking around in unexpected areas?

This is where you're wrong. Germs are everywhere. They enter our homes when we walk in with our outdoor shoes (I don't allow outdoor shoes inside the house). We bring in small residues (we can no longer see) of stale dog urine and faeces left on the road. Pets leave dangerous germs all around our homes too. We eat contaminated meat we buy from the store. All these add up and travel around rather quickly.

Three main types of germs in our homes

Fungi
Can cause allergies and negative respiratory reactions. They can look like mould or mildew. They're the most 'friendly' types of germs because we can see and smell them.

Bacteria
They can exist on dishcloths or any other place that is kept damp. Your chopping board is one of those places if you don't clean it properly. These are invisible to the naked eye and come in pretty shapes like E-coli and salmonella.

Viruses
This are quite resilient. Invisible to the naked eye, these little beauties can exist for a couple days on their own. They cause flu and other illnesses and love to fly about when given the chance.

Steps you can take to clean your house

First of all, contrary to popular belief, you don't need specialised cleaners to deep-clean your house. If you anti-bacterialise (not a real word, but you get the drift) everything, your family won't get the chance to develop a healthy immune system. At the same time, leaving everything dirty can seriously harm your kids - and yourself. Moderation is key.

Pay attention to the following to properly get rid of those winter germs waiting to catch you unprepared. You can do some of them once a month. If you're able, do them more often. Just use warm water, half of a lemon, and some vinegar - for the grease and grime. If you want to really go for it, use soapy water with some added bleach. No fancy, expensive cloth works better for cleaning your house than the old, dirt-cheap bleach

~Clean your fridge handles
~Clean your kitchen cupboard handles
~Wipe your taps daily when you clean your kitchen surfaces.
~Scrub your chopping boards daily. It's important to have different boards for meats, breads and vegetables.
~Wipe the light switches (in bathroom and kitchen) with a dry cloth tipped in a tiny amount of bleach. It can't be wet! You can guess what your kids get up to before they turn the lights on and off in the bathroom.
~Clean your bins weekly

~Wipe your toilet flush twice a week. If someone has a virus, wipe it each time they use the loo.
~Clean your toilet seat twice a week
~Clean your plug holes in the bathroom twice a week

And don't forget to wash your hands after cleaning!

Extra tips to keep your home smelling clean and fresh

1. To get rid of garlic smell on your fingers: rub with a stainless steel spoon while washing them.
2. For clean smelling towels: never dry them on or near heat.
3. For clean smelling sink: boil 250ml of vinegar and pour down the drain. Leave for half an hour before using.
4. For a clean-smelling shoe cupboard, sprinkle baking soda inside smelly shoes and leave overnight.
5. For clean-smelling bathrooms, buy normal bath soaps in bulk and leave them unwrapped in a bowl in your bathroom.
6. For a clean-smelling kitchen, place a slice of bread on top of cabbage when you're boiling it.
7. Put a bowl of white vinegar next to the cooker when cooking fish.

Now you know exactly what to do when cleaning your house. Please leave any more ideas or comments you may have in the comment box below. Subscribe to this blog to get this winter's focus on home and health issues. I'll leave you with some helpful books on getting rid of germs when cleaning your house, including one of UK's queen of 'How Clean Is Your House' TV programme, Aggie Mackenzie.

What Is Love

2011-10-07T14:10:00.003+01:00

What is love? It's a question we attempt to answer with feelings and emotions. We think of butterflies in the stomach, about desire, lust and perhaps even the physical act of love. What many people don't attempt to describe when asked this question, is the practical side of what love is.

Surely, if indeed love was just the feeling of butterflies and a chemical attraction, these phases of the love phenomenon would last for longer than it does.

What love does

we feel alone and deserted

Many people feel alone and deserted without love in their lives, left alone like the unused barn above to become overgrown with bitter weeds and thorns, and overrun by a desolation which completely fills the soul - clouding over every existence of light. I'm not just talking about romantic love. We get love from friends, our kids, and our relatives.

What is love? It's standing with and for the people in your life, tending to them and making sure they know you're always there when they need you. Love is not leaving them to battle for themselves. Love is sharing in their bad times as well as good.

What love feels like

the appearance of love brings sunlight to the soul

Spending time with people who care about you gives your soul a lift. They listen, give advice, extend a helping hand and give you a hug or a pat on the back. They laugh with you and take your hand. Jesus demonstrated He could heal someone from a distance when he healed a little girl in a far-off village. However, we see time and time again, that He physically touched people at the point of healing them. Why? Why didn't he just keep his distance and do the job? Our friends' touch can bring light and life to the flesh - just a little cuddle to say they care.
What is love? It's certainly not just about reciting love quotes. It's spending time with someone and caring for them while they heal. It's giving them a cuddle when they're sad and taking valuable time out of your own life to bring some sunlight to theirs when the clouds appear.

What love is

love is new growth, when decay persists

Scientists have taken to studying what love is. Dumb, right? One of the 'findings' is: (quote) '...a very primitive, basic human emotion, as basic as fear anger or joy....' (unquote). I disagree. Totally! Love is pure and innocent - not basic and primitive. Love can grow out of nothing. It's new growth to a 90-year old who touches his great-grandson and holds his little head in his dried-up, arthritic hands. It's new growth, and life- giving to the 75-year old woman who's fallen in love for the third time in her life.
What is love? Love is making sure the person on the receiving end does not suffer. It's hurting when they hurt and making them laugh when they're blue. Love is beautiful. Love is positive action. Love cannot be measured by a love calculator. It's free and is given without conditions.

So the next time you say, 'I love you' to someone think about what you're really telling them. You're pledging not only your heart, but you're saying I'll never let you down, I'll always take care of your interests, and I'll never hurt you. I'll sacrifice the things I need if you need them too. I'll always do right by you. When I don't like you, or what you're doing, I'll still act in your best interest. When I've fallen out with you, I'll still be there when you need me.

You may also be interested in the 5 love languages defined.

What is love or what do you say love is?
Love: 1 Corianthians 13.