My Revised American Dream

Loss.....

2013-02-14T08:08:00.001-08:00

I started this blog as a way to track my financial progress while I worked towards becoming debt-free. Over the last 14 months or so, I have obsessed over money and what effect it has on my life. Through this process I have discovered that I have let money completely control my life. It is basically what I wake up thinking about and what I analyze every night before I go to bed. It is a large part of the conversations I have with my husband and what keeps me from enjoying anything I have in life.

I know that sounds like a negative, but it has actually brought me to realize that money is not what I should give so much of my time to. I should be enjoying each day and the people in my life. I have had 2 very financially influential people in my life, my mom and dad. Divorcing when I was 5, they both had VERY different views about money.

My dad was all about only getting the necessities in life. He worked at the same job for most of his life, working his way from dog catcher to Supervisor of Recreation in the town where he grew up. He never went to college, he was a recovering alcoholic, he struggled with anxiety, he was very fair to people and always remembered Monti Reed who gave an young married guy a chance at a job. Even though he did not meet the educational qualifications, Monti saw something in my dad and continued to mentor him throughout his career. My dad was not very demonstrative and his main topics of conversation were sports and jobs. I believe he was proud of my accomplishments, though he did not really tell me. My dad died on Monday after a short battle with cancer. He was 78.

My mom struggled to stay employed, never really having a "Career." She was a secretary, a cashier, a receptionist and much more. She loved me and my sisters and spent most of her adult life alone. She adored her grandchildren often calling them Grammy's Lambies. She always spent more than she had and moved a lot. She saved nothing. She struggled with living in reality. She spent time in institutions, mostly before I was born but never really got over being there. She was egocentric, yet giving. You always knew where she stood because she would have no problem telling you. I always knew she loved me. My mom died in 2005 after a long battle with cancer. She was 68.

So, as I sit and reflect on their lives both the good and the bad I am searching for the learning that can be gleaned from them. What did they do that was wonderful and fulfilling and what did they do that was hurtful or disappointing? I wish I could have asked these questions of them, but I was not able to be with either one of them as they passed away.

So it leaves me with the question,

Are we destined to live the lives of our parents or can we change mid-stream to make a life more fulfilling?

The Simple Things.....

2013-01-12T17:27:00.000-08:00

My daughter is having a friend sleepover tonight. We made homemade pizzas, cookies and they are now playing "Airport" which involves luggage and going from room to room. It made me realize that not much is different than when I was 8 and the best thing in the world was a friend to play with for an entire night. The sky was the limit on what you could do and eat!

In a time of fancy electronics and TV's in every room, it is the simple things that still make children happy. Like the ability to create a world where they are traveling someplace exotic, or shopping in a fancy department store where they are the adults and make the choices and are in charge. I am so enjoying this age of my daughter and every year I learn to appreciate the wonderful little quirks specific to that year. Like last year was the perfect year for Santa and our Elf, Butterball. This year she has discovered music and loves to sing and sing she does all day every day.

I am learning to enjoy everyday with my lovely daughter and although I do not want to rush our time, I look forward to what each year is going to bring to our family. Just a note of reflection tonight, hope everyone is enjoying your weekend no matter where or what you are doing.

Do you think that my granddaughters will be playing house or store when they are 8?

Happy New Year.....

2013-01-09T10:36:00.000-08:00

It seems no matter how many New Year's I celebrate, I always feel excited about what the upcoming year holds for me and my family. Last year seemed very much like a transition year, but this year holds all these wonderful possibilities that I am excited to experience.

My husband is set to graduate from Nursing School as an RN in May, my nephew is getting married and my daughter gets to be the flower girl, and I am going to try and make the leap from Assistant Principal to Principal. There are many other items that are on the horizon that makes me excited about 2013. I was lucky enough to spend my holidays in NJ with my family(where it was VERY cold and gray) and then I got to return home to sunny Florida which always gives me an appreciation of the weather here.

Although 2012 did not end financially like I thought it would, I still made it through with all the bills paid, a vacation to NJ and roof over my head. It did however, make me very aware of money but not in a bad way. More of a, "Stop stressing about it and just do it" way. Instead of constantly beating myself up about my choices, I keep reminding myself that, "Nothing changes unless I take action" and so when I make a choice that is not good, I learn from it and move on. I do not look back and keep reliving the mistake over and over so that I become sick over it.

One of the resolutions I did keep from last year was, I did not shop in a Walmart store all year. Not even once. I had decided that they are not good for my bank book, my time or my fellow neighbors that are basically working poor when they are employed by them. I am sure they are not feeling the impact of my boycott, but it did make me feel good that I believed in something enough to follow through with it for an entire year.

So, to all I wish a Happy and Healthy New Year.

Thinking Outside the Box... A Guest Writer...

2012-09-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

My friend Kathleen's husband sent me this note and I loved it so much I asked him if I could share it on my blog. He has been trying to get control over money and had a really interesting idea on how to do this for his family.

Hi Jennifer. I was reading your blog and thinking about how we are in the same boat. I have determined to get out of that rut. I came up with an idea. It isn't anything new or revolutionary, but I thought I'd share it with you.

I ordered a prepaid American express card. No fees and one free monthly withdrawal at the atm. It allows for direct deposit. I set up a direct deposit of $100 per paycheck. So for the year that would add up to $2,600.

I have put the card away in a drawer and will not touch it until next year. Then I will only take out $2,100 leaving $500 on the card to be included in the following years total which would come to $3,100 That year I would still only take $2,100 leaving $1,000 on the card to be included in the following years total of $3,600 and so on.

So I get a small windfall every year to have for extra spending, while also saving $500 a year. Putting it on the prepaid card keeps the temptation of spending it away because I cant see it on my online banking totals.

Not life changing but a start in the right direction. I know after a few paychecks I won't miss the money anymore. I also started a Roth IRA at the bank for just $100 to start it. I've been transferring $20 to $50 a paycheck, whatever I can afford in that range and when I get to $500 I will make a trade for some sort of stock. This allows my money to grow with the market and as the account grows, if an emergency arises, you are allowed to take out the money you put in the Roth without penalty, just not the growth beyond what you put in.

So that's my simple strategy to at least have s little spneding money and a emergency fund in the Roth acct. Tell me what you think?

I love this idea. I told him it reminds me of the Christmas Account of year's past where you would get a coupon book and pay into it each month and then get a lump sum in December.

What do you think? Has anyone done anything like this or known anyone to do something out of the ordinary to find ways to save money?? We would love to hear about them.

Thanks Luis for sharing!!!

The Four Laws... Revisited

2012-09-09T07:28:00.002-07:00

Many years ago I read a book called, The Four Laws of Debt Free Prosperity by Blaine Harris and Charles Coonradt. This book shaped the way I view money. At the time I was in a similar, but better, situation than I am in now. I knew that my financial life was out of control and I needed to bring it under control or I would not be able to live the life I envisioned for myself.

Does anyone else breathe a sigh of relief when their paycheck hits the bank and you haven't bounced anything? Made it another pay period and the power, phone, and cable are still on and you have food in the house? That is me. I can not seem to get myself past "paycheck to paycheck" living. I know what to do, it just seems I lack the will power or focus to carry out the plan for any length of time. I am sure most people have this in some area of their lives: food, sex, exercise, travel what ever it is that you want to change and can't seem to reach the goal. However, every time the paycheck goes in, I go crazy and spend too much on something.

Last week was a tough week, and although I am ashamed of the following story I feel it is necessary to tell it so that everyone knows the extent of my weakness. Tuesday, the day after Labor Day I checked the bank balance and knew it was going to be a tough week. We had overspent and we had many expenses coming up this week. I thought it was under control, we would barely make it with like $5 left in the bank when my husband called to tell me the cable/internet was just shut off and we needed $ 197.00 to get it turned back on. Well, I can shut a lot of stuff out of my brain when I am at work but this became my focus for the rest of the day. By the time I left work I felt sick, tired, and depressed.

We only had 3 options that I could see, ask to borrow from my mother-in-law again, live without the items for a few weeks, or sell some jewelry I have been holding on to from my previous marriage. I decided to go with option number 3 and sell the jewelry. It did not have meaning to me, I just liked knowing I had some items of value. I was able to sell it for $ 870.00 about $ 4000.00 less than I paid for it over the years. I have to admit, this was my low point. I have never done anything like this and I did not like the feeling.

So, I thought of the book I had read many years ago and felt some hope again. I have begun to read the book again and find that although many of the principles in the book are simple, they are principles I was not living by everyday. I was doing it in short periods of time, but not with focus or conviction. So, I am going back, starting again from the beginning and reading through the book that I feel makes the most sense to me.

The first chapter in the book describes a man in a situation very similar to me, finances out of control a family not working together and a complete feeling of defeat. However, as I read I find I have hope in the fact that I can change this but it will take time (years) and there is no quick fix. So, here I go. I am excited again and that is a good feeling.

Can anyone relate?

Try, Try Again.....

2012-08-26T19:09:00.002-07:00

Well, I am regrouping and I am going to give it another shot. I am going to try and get myself back on track for my original goal of paying down my debt. However, I also want to get myself back on track for other areas in my life that I have to set some goals. One of which is my weight. I recently went to the doctor and was told that my blood work is showing that I am not very healthy and if I do not do something, I will start down the road to diabetes. I do not want to go that road, my mother was diabetic, my ex-husband was a diabetic and if I have the control to prevent this I should take control.

I am very good at starting things; budgets, diets, crafts or friendships. What I struggle with is the follow through. I have decided to make some very small, short-termed goals to get me to my final long-term goal. So, here is a list of my short-term goals:

1. Go to gym 4 times in the next 7 days.

2. Spend no more than $20.00 on food in the next 7 days. Only buy to supplement what I have in the house.

3. Do not eat out over the next 7 days. This includes breakfast, lunch or dinner.

I want to accomplish these goals, which are a good start to my overall goals for saving and weight loss. I know in my head that in order to accomplish a large goal, one must break it down in small steps. So, I am going to focus on week by week for now and see if I can then extend those into monthly goals at a later date.

For anyone that has made a goal and not followed through, this is for you. Nothing changes unless you take action, so here is me taking action. I have tried everything else, what do I have to loose.

2012-07-04T08:15:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed that you start off going one place and end up in another? Now for the directionally challenged, I do not mean this literally, I am speaking figuratively. Six months ago, I started blogging to track my progress towards being financially free from debt of all sorts - although that is still my main goal, while working towards that I have found that being financially free is not the magic button to happiness.

Let me explain: I think deep down I have always felt that if I was a bit more financially secure, I would not feel so trapped by my job. I have not always been in the education field. Before I went back to school in my early 30's I was working in accounting offices in the automotive industry. I was very good at my job and made very good money. I just hated the environment of the auto dealership. But, I never felt like I had the freedom to just switch jobs because of the financial pressure it would put on my family, namely homelessness! However after moving to Florida in my late 20's I was able to stash away enough money to quit my job and go back to school full-time. I teetered back and forth about majors, accounting which made sense considering my work experience, or my dream of becoming a teacher. I eventually decided on teaching and at the age of 34 graduated with my Bachelor's in Elementary Education. I started teaching, went back got my Masters in Educational Leadership, got a job in administration and now making more money than I ever have...and still not enough to feel "safe or secure." So, I have started to reflect and realize that feeling safe and secure really has nothing to do with my job or my money. It has to do with how I much energy I put into these two facets of my life.

Even though my New Revised American Dream was to be financially free, I find it is morphing more into being free from the grip of worry. It is a huge burden to worry about everything all the time. So, I hope you forgive me if my blogging is beginning to look more like self-discovery than self-help. I am currently finding it hard to separate the two. It seems that self-help is so intertwined with self-discovery that one without the other is hollow. So, I hope you keep reading as I find my way through my psyche to my "Happy Place" where worry is not my primary state of being and appreciation of all things happens on a regular basis.

Anyone else find that even when things are going well, you worry about what is around the corner instead of enjoying the now? It has taken me 44 years to realize...just enjoy the now.

Chaos and Change......

2012-06-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

So, some of you may know that life in education runs in blocks of time: Summer time, beginning of school, holidays, testing, and end of year. By far, the craziest for me is the end of year since I am in a time-crunch to get everything done before the students leave for their summer break. As an administrator, this starts for me around April first, and ends on the last day the students are on campus. This year I have been moved to a different school - which means change, and I do not normally do well with change, but this is a welcome change.

It has been a tough year for me this year. My boss and I do not always see eye to eye, but remembering that I am the employee I do as I am told. So when I got the call that I was being moved to a different site, I was very excited. I get a fresh start and this is what is so exciting to me. I get to learn from the last three years and put forward a new me, with newly gained wisdom and knowledge, that will help me not repeat the mistakes I have made...and I have made a few! So, I started thinking about my goal at the beginning of this calendar year, to get control of my finances and be debt free. I realized that a fresh start is good is what I need and that just the fact that I get to start again is a wonderfully, freeing feeling.

I admit it, I feel like my fiances are a mess again. However, the difference this time is I do not feel like it is the end of the world. I feel empowered to say that I can have a "Do Over" and start to rediscover why I started this journey. I no longer see failure as a reason to throw my hands up and stay, "I can't do this, so why try?" I read an article in Psychology Today about starting over and why it is OK to fail. The following hit home for me:

Starting over is about giving yourself a chance at real happiness. You will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can that be? At the very worst, you will acquire the skills you need to start on the next project.

It is about choosing happiness over anxiety and dread. So I am going to start again and try to learn from my mistakes of the past few months. I am going to stay focused on my goal of buying a house within the next three years. And most of all, I am going to focus on being happy, just plain happy.

Changing habits......

2012-04-25T14:24:00.000-07:00

I read many financial blogs and many I find interesting and some, well they just tick me off. Case in point, I recently read an article on foxbusiness.com (yes I know it's Fox, but I read it anyway) by Naomi Mannino titled Beat Bad Financial Habits to Boost Savings. Now the title alone got my attention. I mean who doesn't want to change their bad habits and create good ones, right? Oh, I was so hopeful that I would read some new bit of wisdom that would make me sit and go, "Wow, I never thought of that!" I was disappointed.

The reality to me is that there is no quick fix for changing habits. Anyone that has had any type of addiction problem can tell you that many of the generic fixes work for a brief time. But true, long-lasting change comes slowly, in small increments. I know imagining myself debt-free and what I would do when I become debt-free can be a small motivator, however it can also create depression. When I'm not achieving my goals quickly enough or making costly mistakes along the way can cause frustration. So instead I recommend looking at what you have accomplished, trying to find a way to journal the journey in a meaningful way, and celebrating the small stuff.

Some months just being able to pay everything and not having to dip into the savings is a huge success for me. Just like a dieter getting through the holidays without gaining. I know in my heart that there is no "silver bullet" that is going to change anything overnight and that perseverance is the only way to the goal line. Failure is not something I have been accepting of in my life. But now I realize failure is a huge part of learning and growing. So no disrespect to the experts cited in the above article, but if it was as simple as "Resist impulse buying" then I would be in fantastic financial and physical shape for that matter! It is not about control it is about the experience. The "High" of buying something that I may not need, but at that moment it is something I want.

I agree that taking yourself out of situations is a good thing. I do not go to the mall as much as I used to and this has helped in my overspending on clothes. But withdrawing myself from all things I love will cause resentment - which will lead to me feeling entitled - which will lead to overspending. That is the truth of the matter, I work hard and I think I deserve to get a pedicure once and a while. So, I have tried to budget for these moments and I have had mixed success. But, moving in the right direction.

I always joke that I am part of the instant gratification "Gen X" group raised with getting everything now instead of later. Anyone else out there from Gen X think that it is a generational thing? That things changed for us because of the availability of credit cards and loans making everything accessible for us?

Why Walmart makes me poor.....

2012-04-21T07:03:00.001-07:00

Have you ever noticed that when you try super hard to be frugal you end up spending more time and money than you would have if you didn't try so hard? Case in point, a few months ago I was on the "Extreme Coupon" bandwagon and I would spend upwards of 8 hours per week cutting, sorting, and preparing my coupons. Then, I would spend an additional 2-3 hours per week surfing the flyers of all the stores: CVS, Walgreens, Publix, Winn-Dixie, Walmart, Save-A-Lot, and then I would go shopping. After spending several hours going store-to-store on a money-saving high I would return home with my loot and begin putting everything away while admiring my take.

Here's the thing. I felt like I was saving money...and I probably was to a point. However, I was saving money on items I did not need or necessarily even want. I felt like I was getting them for such a bargain price that I felt compelled to purchase them even if I could not think of a use for them at that moment. I mean come on, I live in a small two-bedroom apartment right now, do I really need 10 bottles of dish soap?? Of course not, especially since I have a dish washer, but they were only 25 cents each...how do I pass that up???

Well here is what I have learned. My time is worth more than the $20-$30 per week I was saving on items that I did not really need. I have learned not to shop at places like Walmart because the savings on food is always countered by the money I spend on the "Must Haves" of Walmart like the shirts on sale or the area rug that would look great on the patio, etc. In addition to the extra items that distract me while in Walmart, the lines at check out always seem to be 20-30 minutes long. So going back to "my time being valuable", it is not worth the 15 dollars in savings to spend my time waiting in line because they refuse to staff their stores appropriately.

So, I now shop at my local grocery store each week and I still check the flyers from various stores for any "Super Bargains", but I find I have more time, better food, and less stress by just concerning myself with what is for dinner, not "do I have a coupon for that?".

Is there any good way to be a working parent and a couponista and still have time and energy for your life?

Sometimes I feel like a fraud....

2012-04-08T17:50:00.000-07:00

I remember sitting in my apartment at the end of December worrying about money and making a decision to not be irresponsible with my money any longer. I had decided to take control of my out of control spending and start to build a future for myself and my family. I had decided to blog the journey to keep myself focused and to also hold myself accountable for my actions. Fast forward 3 months, and I have been diligent about much of what I set out to do: I have set up a checkbook and I have been monitoring it and balancing it every month (no small feat), I have set up a budget and know that I can make my payments every month without being in the red, and I have set-up a plan to pay down my debt so that I can live a debt-free life.

The thing is I sit here tonight I am in the same position I was in December. I am almost overdrawn in the checking account and worrying about money. The only difference between December and now is that I know exactly where I have spent too much money! I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it is something. In my line of work data is everything. So, I will not give up. I will pick myself up and brush myself off and push forward towards my goals.

Some of my successes have been, I have paid off 3 credit cards and I have 2 more that will be done in the next 2 months. I have set-up my checking account and created a budget. I have shared my dreams and set my goals, so I have not completely failed I have just gotten off track.I have discovered that when I exercise I stay calmer, less anxious and more focused. I will look to the future as a positive adventure while remaining in the present to enjoy each moment with my family.

I feel like a fraud because here I write about getting out of debt, yet I have only made a small dent in what I want to achieve. But I want to share that I am just an average person with very bad habits trying to change something that has taken 44 years to create and hopefully it will not take me 44 more years to break. I want whomever reads this to know that giving up can not be an option anymore and I will face my failures and push on.

Is there hope for change when failure is such an easy option?

I Have Made a Choice......

2012-04-07T04:39:00.000-07:00

The other day I was talking with my sister on the phone and I was telling her how I am feeling a bit depressed lately and she said to me, "Depression is just anger turned inwards." Now she may not have made that up herself, but it was the first time I had heard that and it was a huge "a-ha" moment for me. I realized that I tend to be very, very hard on myself about the choices I make and then when I feel I made the wrong choice, I begin the journey to depression. So, I have made a choice to not beat myself up or self-loathe over my inability to stay focused enough to accomplish my goals. Instead, I will keep pushing on and try to face each mistake head on, and force myself to reflect on the misstep and keep control over the future.

So today I sat down, balanced the checkbook through March 16th, and began the process of catching up on entries for the last 2 weeks. I realize that when I get stressed (which is my primary emotion) I get distracted and lazy towards any goals I may have set for myself. If I am exercising, I use stress as an excuse to not exercise. If I am dieting, stress is a reason to eat and if I am trying to be financially responsible, I spend money on things I do not need nor necessarily want to try and relieve the stress level I am experiencing. So, I am working on making a plan for when I get stressed and want to splurge by building that into my budget. I will name it the stress envelope and put a small amount into it each week to use when I need some Retail Therapy.

I read a great blog today by Rob Bennett called Six Unconventional Mid-Life Career Change Tips. In the blog he talks about changing careers when you are no longer happy with what you are doing. What I took from the blog entry was, if you have your finances in order then taking risks in a career change can be a rewarding experience. Staying in a job because the money is good - but you hate what you do - will never help you become financially free. That has been my whole life. I have stayed in jobs because of the good pay and hated just about every moment. Being financially secure changes your focus on work from a necessity for living and being trapped to "I do this because I want to and I have the freedom to change whenever I would like".

I used to love what I do, and I want to feel that again. I want to feel excited about getting up in the morning to accomplish my day and feeling like I am good at what I do, I am not sure if I feel like I am doing a good job anymore. I changed from accounting to education in my 30s to make some sort of difference each day rather than just record profits for people. Looking back I am not sure if it was the right choice, but it was the choice I made and I want to do my job to the best of my abilities.

So, anyone out there ever feel like they want to shut down and not face your failure? I am going to allow myself some failure room, but try to always come back to my goal to help keep me focused on why I started this journey in the first place.

Regression....

2012-03-11T16:43:00.001-07:00

I just finished Spring Break and I am having a major anxiety attack thinking about how much money I spent that was not in my budget. It seems that no matter how much I try there are things that pop up and surprise me by costing more than I anticipate. My sister came to visit this week and we indulged in a few fun activities that were definitely not in my budget!

We went to Sea World for two days and even though we split the room and I get a free pass for being a teacher I still spent too much money. However, something that I am learning to do is to NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SPENDING MONEY! So, since I have been budgeting (and I had set some money aside for extra stuff this week) I refused to let myself fall into the "I am a failure" cycle of doom. I will adjust my budget accordingly and do without for the next few weeks. I now know that when people come to visit or I have extended time off I need to set aside a bit of extra money to participate in the fun stuff in life. Sitting home during my breaks only leads to depression - which leads to self-pity - which will lead to giving up (My husband chimes in: "Which leads to the Dark Side, Luke!"). So, my husband has graciously taught me to not be so hard on myself, to enjoy my family and friends, and to realize that there are so many other things going on in the world that beating myself up over buying a new pair of shoes or a lipstick should not be taking up so much of my energy.

This spring break I spent time with my sister, fed the dolphins at Sea World, had my hair done, and most of all...I relaxed...and for a short time forgot about work. I am not sure if I can ever be without buyer's remorse in my life, but I am sure going to try.

Any suggestions of how to not have buyer's remorse, or how to just plain enjoy what I am lucky enough to have, I would love to read them!

Balancing Act....

2012-02-26T19:43:00.000-08:00

Well, today I balanced my checkbook for the first time in about 5 years. I did not do too bad overall. I had forgotten to enter about $ 150.00 in entries, which did put me into the negative in a few of my budget lines, but overall not too bad. I had forgotten how satisfying this simple act is, and yet somehow I always dread doing it. In the past I have put it off for so long that the following month's statement was in the mailbox and so would begin the demise of my budgeting plan. I would get so far behind that I would give up and fall back into old habits. It is so much like working out...I hate getting there but feel amazing when I am walking out. But, if I go too long without going, I give up and figure I will start again later.

This blog is what keeps me from falling behind. I do not want to fail again. I want to change my habits and my thinking. I want to keep working on being a better me and making a better future for my family. So I will keep chugging along and take the failures with the successes. Some successes this month: I paid off a bill, submitted my taxes and because I am due a refund I now do not owe the IRS any more money, and I got to celebrate a wonderful birthday weekend in Savannah with my wonderful husband and some of his family.

Some of my failures this month: I overspent in some of my budget lines. I tend to overspend in food because of poor planning. But I am aware and will continue to work on being a better spender in that category each and every day. With the increase in gas prices, I have also overspent in my fuel account and will have to adjust my budget and reduce someplace to make up for the extra expense in automotive. In addition, my rent will be going up next month, so the money I am saving on paying the IRS, will off set the increase in my rent, which is a good thing.

Does anyone else struggle with the follow-through of life? I tend to get very excited and I am great at the short term, it is the long term that gets me every time. I need to find success in the long term so I can change this lifestyle I have created.

While I wait....

2012-02-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

I realized that while I wait for each passing month to arrive, I am going to have to stop wishing my life away. I sit and say, "I can't wait until I am debt free" or "By summer this will be paid off" In the meantime, life is happening. This whole process of dealing the with reality of my situation has made me super sensitive to other areas of my life. I have started paying more attention to my heath and consequently I have started working out again. I am not where I want to be yet, but still a step in the right direction. I have also stopped seeing my finances as "dire" and started seeing them as manageable and hence I have less stress where money is concerned. And finally, I realize that money, job or stress the number one priority of my life must be my family. I do not want to spend another day distracted by negative, out of control situations. I want to see the happiness and serenity of my life and how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people that love me.

When I talk to people throughout my day about being debt free, they all seem to have an aversion to the fact that someone may actually be able to live in today's world without any financial obligation where one would be paying interest to someone. Debt free means just that - debt free. It breaks my heart to think I may not get another house for many years, but when I buy that house it will be mine. Not a bank's, not a relative's, all mine. The stress I see in others around me that are also struggling with financial pressure, and it makes me happy to know I am on the road to rid myself of that stress. I watch people who have told me they may lose their homes, cars or child's college education due to financial stress, yet the next week they are buying a new car or taking a trip to Europe. I just listen and try to remember that not too long ago that was me. I was always searching for a way to rid myself of the stress using "retail therapy".

So, as I close this week out I would ask, "What is keeping you from a peaceful, low-stress life?" Here are is a blog that lists some things to consider when deciding on what you can do to begin to find happiness each and every day.

Fears, Family and Finances....

2012-02-04T19:43:00.000-08:00

My family... we are geeks.

Last Thursday I was talking with a group of colleagues about the amount of stress and pressure we have come under this school-year. We have a new teacher evaluation system being implemented this year and it has been a "Cart before the Horse" implementation, hence causing a lot of additional stress and hours for administrators. So while sitting around commiserating I found out that one of my fellow administrators had lost his mother in October, one had a mother that was very ill, and one had 3 small children at home. Since we are all at different schools we only get to catch up with each other at our monthly meetings and we usually only have a very limited amount of time to do so. This month, however, we were lucky to have some time talk to and although it always makes me feel good to see them, I felt sad leaving knowing that they had so many family pressures in addition to work pressure.

Everyone said the same thing...that they can not take time off to tend to their families the way they felt they should. This started me thinking that if something happened to someone in my family and I needed to attend to them for an extended period of time, I would not be able to do that at this time. If I had to take an extended leave from work, it would only take about 1 month and I would be almost homeless, and I think many people are in that same boat at this time. Hearing their stories made me realize even more how important it is to clean up my finances, not just for me but for my family.

So, my inspiration this week came from colleagues sharing their stories and making me realize that family is first and I want to be able to take care of them and me, no matter what.

Who inspires you to stay focused and want to be a better you?

Baby Steps...

2012-01-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

The car I have always wanted....

Well, this weekend I get to pay off my first debt in full. Now don't get too excited for me since it only had a $57.00 balance, but that means I can start on the next one with an additional $50.00 per month! It has been a long month just waiting to actually start the Snowball Payment Plan, and now that I have started it is very exciting.

I almost had a VERY big moment of weakness this past week. My car has a few items that need attention, and my husband keeps telling me that we are going to have to start putting money into the car so maybe we should consider buying a new car. And because I love all things shiny, I went and looked at the one car I have wanted since I was in high school a Jeep Wrangler. I went and test drove that and a Dodge Charger and I loved the Charger and did not enjoy the Jeep as much as I thought I would. Thank goodness they could not get the payment down to where I wanted ( I think I was being unreasonable, but I don't think I really wanted to buy the car) so we walked out and I immediately felt like thousand pounds was lifted off my shoulders! I have about 10 months or so until my car is paid for and I look forward to the day when I can pay cash for a car.

In the past I have made lots and lots of purchases that did not feel right, but I still made them. I seem to have this innate ability to discern good from bad purchases, unfortunately I don't always listen to the good voice. I seem to have buyer's remorse so often, does anyone else suffer from buyer's remorse on a regular basis?

Time...

2012-01-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been about 4 weeks since I started this journey and even in that short time there have been a few ups and downs. Starting off and making the plan seems to be the easiest part, the waiting to see the results it turns out is the hard part. It all comes down to that nasty old friend of mine, Instant Gratification. He has been around for as long as I can remember and is a huge part of why I am in this situation. I could assign blame here, but what is the point? I know it is wrong, I know I want to live differently, so I should just change. Isn't that how it works? Well, if anyone has had any type of addiction or been around anyone that has struggled with addiction, the answer is no. Most of us can do anything for a short period of time, it is the long term that gets in the way.

I have written about my old friend before, he is my supplier. When I am content he gets jealous and then flashes something in front of me that I have wanted or maybe even needed and have been unable to attain. And then it happens, I am back to scheming ways to acquire that item even though I know it is wrong, I just want the high of the buy. It always happens at a time of weakness, like when I have had a bad day at work and I am feeling sorry for myself. I come home beat down and tired and it hits me. I work so hard and for nothing, I do not even have a dollar to spend, I deserve to at least _______, fill in the blank. It can be, "go out to dinner" or "have HBO" or "go on a vacation" what ever it is that I am dealing with at the moment will pop up and say, "Here I am, come and get me!"

So, the journey is to push forward, make mistakes, lose ground but ultimately change the way I think and feel about money. The control is in my hands, I must push forward.

My Revised American Dream: Instant Gratification

2012-01-14T15:34:00.000-08:00

My Revised American Dream: Instant Gratification: I was born in the late 60's, which meant I grew up in the 80's...and boy did I love the 80's! Big hair, big clothes, big make-up. What is ...

Instant Gratification

2012-01-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

I was born in the late 60's, which meant I grew up in the 80's...and boy did I love the 80's! Big hair, big clothes, big make-up. What is there not to love??? It was also the decade of credit cards and personal loans, at least it was for me. I got my first major credit card at 19 years old and I was very excited to say the least. First thing I did was book a trip to Florida to visit my aunt and uncle. I had lots of other credit cards before that one, but a major card like this gave me the freedom to do things I was unable to do before like take a trip. From that point on I was hooked. I was a clothes horse and pretty much my favorite past time was shopping for anything that I was in the mood for. Dirty clothes no problem, I will just go buy more. This was just the beginning.

The first time I was married was at the ripe age of 22 and soon after the glitz of the wedding wore off, I realized what bad shape I was in financially. I brought all the debt to the marriage, but now it was ours and we sat and decided that we would quit using credit and pay off everything to save for a house. And believe it or not we did. Well, we paid everything off but we did not save for a house because we wanted one fast. So we borrowed the down payment of $15,000 from my brother-in-law, and in doing so set ourselves up for failure. We now had a reasonable mortgage with an unreasonable side note to pay every month. So each month we would slip just a little bit into debt because we did not have quite enough to pay for everything. We certainly did not want to default on our loan from my brother-in-law, so we started using our credit cards to fill the gap. Fast forward 2 years: I lost my job and we almost lost the house, but instead we listed it and sold it in time. We had to move into my in-laws house to save for another house and I remember thinking that I felt homeless. I know I should have seen this as an opportunity to save, but my relationship with my in-laws was so bad that it was like a punishment for not being financially prudent. We stayed there for just under a year, saved for a house and moved to Florida. No jobs, just dreams and 15 years later I am still here, remarried to a great guy and still in debt.

I never want to put myself in the position again that someone could come along and take my house or feel homeless. I want to own my house outright so the only expenses will be taxes, maintenance, and repairs. I used my credit twice this week and I keep going over it in my head of why I would do this? Both times it was for food; either restaurant or prepared food from the grocery store. Not unlike most people, I work long hours and I do not want to always come home and cook. I find that I will have to either create a budget for take-out or I will have to find a way to make meals ahead of time so I can just warm them up when I get home. I use the slow cooker a lot, but the types of food you can cook in them can be boring.

So, this week I have found one of my "triggers" for overspending...convenience. I am going to work on that from this point forward. What are some of your triggers when it comes to overspending? Traveling, clothing, electronics....

Getting it Done

2012-01-07T06:29:00.000-08:00

Well, here I am, one week into the new year with my budget in hand, snowball chart (snowman chart as my husband calls it), and my new checkbook software ready to go. And I have to tell you, it really sucks. I am so close to charging things sometimes, that it is alarming! It makes me realize that using credit has become such a part of who I am that I almost do not even think of it as credit, I almost see it as cash. I find this very unnerving and unhealthy to say the least.

A good example of this is my husband is in a new round of Nursing Clinicals and came home and stated that he needs different shirts for this rotation. I told him that we can go this weekend since we have a little bit of money in the clothing "envelope" and we can find him something. He suggests let's go to Old Navy. Well, I know why he said that: we have a credit card there to which I respond, "Fine, but we are not charging it." Then it kicks in with him what we almost did. We have become programmed to use the credit as cash to fill in the gaps that would not be there if we paid cash! Remember Susan Powter, "Stop the Insanity!"? That is what I plan on doing, and since we have cash we can shop anyplace we want! That was the first small piece of freedom I have experienced and it felt pretty damn good. Now, with the small amount of money in that envelope being only one week in we can't exactly go to Nordstrom for a shirt, but we can choose anyplace we want to spend our money.

I have come across some other obstacles this week, and I wanted to share them just in case there may be someone reading that does not keep a checkbook register. I tried and tried to keep a checkbook register prior to this and there have been times that I have been more successful than others over the years, but if I can get you to do one thing after reading this is, START A CHECKBOOK REGISTER! Even if you don't do a budget, or put it on the computer you can not control what you do not know you have. Case in point, because I was so irresponsible BC (Before Checkbook), I still have checks clearing that I had no idea had not cleared and were definitely not in my budget this month. So, until all the checks I have written over the past few months slowly drip in, I must take money from envelopes like "gifts" or "clothing" to cover them. I have to tell you I had a small check for $10.00 clear that I had written in November for my daughter's Girl Scouts, and it almost made me overdraft because I am so down to the wire right now. I am looking forward to the day when I do not have to stress over money, and it does not have a dark hold on me. I want to control my money, not have my money control me.

Does anyone else have a hard time keeping a checkbook register and keeping it up to date and balanced? Is it because we spend so much more using our debit cards that it makes it harder to manage??? What do you think, why is it so hard to keep a check book register??

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T06:18:00.000-08:00

Well, here it is, another year. A year still full of promise, hope and possibilities. I have been writing a lot about how much I owe and why I am in this situation, but I have not really written about my plan. If you are like me, you may have read several books on finances, getting rich, or any type of money self-help book that looked interesting. In fact, that is how I came to begin this blog, I saw David Bach on the Today show and he said something that spoke to me, "Become debt free for life." That spoke to me because there have been many times that I have almost gotten out of debt, just to turn around an put myself right back there again.

I have heard this story from so many times from people I have spoken to, they have refinanced their house to pay off credit cards or car loans just to turn around and charge up all those credit cards again. I personally have done this at least 4 times in my life and each time I justified doing it with some sort of contrived story about needing house repairs or adopting my daughter when in reality if I just lived within my means and did not charge I could have saved cash for those items from the beginning. So that is why David Bach spoke to me so poignantly the other day, I do not want to pay off my debt, I want to change the hold money has on me and be debt free for life. Like cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sex these things can all get in the way of life and take over, that is how money is for me, it is an addiction to me because it controls me instead of me controlling it.

I have done research on many systems of how to get out of debt, and the one that I have decided to use is the old fashioned "Snowball" method. Again like the envelope system, what's old is new. The theory behind this program is that you take all your debts, find out how much your total balance is, your interest rate and your monthly minimum balance. Then you put them in order of lowest outstanding balance to highest outstanding balance, find an extra amount you can afford to pay (this is the initial snowball payment) and then starting with the lowest balance you begin to payoff the debt including the initial snowball payment and when that debt is paid in full, you take what you were paying on that debt add it to the minimum payment of your next debt and then pay until done and so on.

I have found a free excel worksheet with all the formulas done for you, you just have to plug in the debt name, balance owed, interest rate, minimum payment and initial snowball amount and it will calculate for you your projected debt free date. The webpage explains a bit about how Snowballs work and then just click on the "Debt Snowball Calculator" to begin creating your own worksheet.

So, here it is my projected debt free date: July 2018. I know that seems far off, but considering we are looking at paying off $143,000 in debt with only an initial snowball amount of $25.00 I think that 6 and half years is not so bad, that would mean that I could be buying my house cash in less than 10 years!

So, I would love to hear your debt free dates, anyone out there ready to change their way of thinking???

New Year's Eve...

2011-12-31T06:19:00.000-08:00

A year ago today, I was in New York City walking around and taking in the sights with the intention to get out before 4 p.m. when the craziness starts. I remember walking by the Giant Ball and seeing it drop at like 10 a.m and the digital sign saying Happy New Year in Japan.

Today I sit in my apartment in Florida in stark contrast of running around NYC spending money I did not really have, trying to have a good time knowing deep down inside that I should not be there because I could not afford it, I should be home saving money. That is the stress that I seem to live with a lot, the constant remorse of making bad choices. The remorse comes from knowing the right thing to do and still proceeding with the bad one which is why I believe my spending is of an addictive nature. People that do not struggle with money just say, "Stop spending" or "Know your limits" but if anyone has tried to quit smoking for example, the "Just stop smoking, no big deal" is really a naive way to think of breaking any addition. So, my road to recovery is that I will journal the good, the bad, and the ugly in hopes of finding my triggers and my strengths and hopefully help a others that can relate to my plight and may need some encouragement through their financial journey.

I am not one to make New Year's Resolutions, but for the sake of my new journey I thought listing a few items I would like to achieve this year in my blog would be a great way to monitor if I actually achieve them and what may or may not have contributed to my success. So here I go...

1. This year I will work everyday to stay within my budget.
2. I will not accumulate more debt.
3. I will look for the good things in my life and find happiness in them.
4. I will try to make the healthiness choices possible for my mind, body and soul.
5. I will love and enjoy my family each and every day.

There they are, the top five things I pledge to do this upcoming year. I hope you follow in my journey and share your New Year's Resolutions with me and I look forward to reading about everyone's successes, struggles and satisfactions this year.

Be safe tonight!

Tracking Money

2011-12-30T06:30:00.000-08:00

My step mother used envelopes to keep track of her and my dad's money each month. I can remember her little end table in their bedroom contained actual envelopes and inside each envelope she would place the appropriate amount of cash needed to pay that bill each month. She had envelopes for rent, power, food, ect... and every time my dad got paid she would put a certain portion of money in each envelope and when the bill was due she would pay it. The idea was, each dollar had a purpose and if you wanted something you saved money and when you had enough money in the envelope for it, you paid cash for the item.

Now I know that the envelope system has been around for years, so this is no new concept here. But, what is new for most of my generation, which would be Gen X, is that we have to wait for what we want. Years ago I found a computer software from Crown Financial that was called, Money Matters and it was based on the old envelopes system. Unfortunately, now the software is a bit outdated and Crown Financial replaced the program with a web-based system called Mvelopes. Mvelopes is a great system, but I did not want a web-based system, so I started doing research to find a better program.

Here is a very brief list of programs I found online:

YNAB (You Need A Budget) is not a bad program and they will give you a free trial without having to give them any credit card information. It is affordable, $60.00 for the software and it has the purpose of getting people out of debt and helping them to save for the future.

ItelliPenny is another good program that uses the basic envelope idea and they will also give you a free trial for 30 days so you can try and see if this is a program that may fit your lifestyle. The software is only $34.95 so a bit more affordable and they have a discussion board for those that may have questions or concerns.

Those are just two of the wonderful programs I found while doing research, but I still longed for an updated version of my Old Faithful, Money Matters. Then it happened, three days ago I was researching programs and I found it, Crown Financial came out with a new, updated version of Money Matters. It is now called Crown Money Map, and it is just as wonderful as I remembered with some updated features and the bugs have been removed. It also offers a free 30 day trial and it is also affordable at $60.00. I should also state here that Crown Financial is a Christen based organization, and although I am not pushing their beliefs on anyone, when you get the software is does have daily Biblical devotions on the home screen. I have decided for me personally that the benefit of the program outweighs the fact that I have to read a devotion every day.

So, I am teaching my husband how to use this program and it is going to be what we use as a team to not only dig our way out of this crushing pile of debt, but also to use the concept of saving for purchases for the rest of our lives.

How powerful it would be to be able to pay cash for everything you buy???

Public and Private Admissions

2011-12-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

Well, this morning I sent a link to some of my family for this blog. I tried to explain the reasons I am doing this and asked that they not judge me, just follow my journey and be supportive. My wish for all of them is to try and walk this road with me since I believe they can benefit from my desired way of life, paying cash for everything. I see my nieces and nephew living a similar life that my mother and I lived, working hard and never really getting anyplace. I have to say for my family, we do understand what it means to work, I can never remember a time when we did not work. And sometimes we were working 2 or more jobs. My hope for my family is that in 10 years, we can all be in a position to travel together, laugh together, and feel safe with one another. I have said this in an earlier post, but it is such a huge desire of mine that I want to say it again, I want to be a blessing to my family not a burden. So for them, I pledge to work hard towards my goal of being financially responsible so that they may not have to experience the stress, heartache and guilt that I have over the years.

All this thinking of money is quite frankly, exhausting. I seems to be in every thought I have, which makes me realize how it is a type of addiction to me. When something takes over your life, there may be a problem.

Anyone else feel like money is always in the forefront of their thinking????