When we’re screaming nonsense, pounding on walls, swearing about our circumstances, and mumbling under our breath, we need hope; because , “A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.“  1

Worries tighten us up.

“If you are cheerful, you feel good; if you are sad, you hurt all over.” 2 Fortunately, there’s hope. 

And, now’s an ideal opportunity to introduce you to an uplifting, hope-filled song by India.Arie.

“There’s Hope“

Back when I had a little
I thought that I needed a lot
A little was overrated,
but a lot was a little too complicated
You see, zero didn’t satisfy me
A million didn’t make me happy
That’s when I learned a lesson
That it’s all about your perception
Hey! Are you a pauper or a superstar
So you act, so you feel, so you are
It ain’t about the size of your car
It’s about the size of the faith in your heart

[Chorus:]
There’s hope
It doesn’t cost a thing to smile
You don’t have to pay to laugh
You better thank God for that
[repeat]

There’s hope

Off in the back country of Brazil
A met a young brother that made me feel
That I could accomplish anything.
You see just like me he wanted to sing
He had no windows and no doors
He lived a simple life and was extremely poor
On top of all of that he had no eyesight,
but that didn’t keep him from seein’ the light
He said, what’s it like in the USA,
and all I did was complain
He said, Livin’ here is paradise
He taught me paradise is in your mind
You know that

[Chorus]

There’s Hope

Every time I turn on the T.V. (There’s Hope)
Somebody’s acting crazy (There’s Hope)
If you let it, it will drive you crazy (There’s Hope)
but I’m takin’ back my power today (There’s Hope)
Gas prices they just keep on rising (There’s Hope)
The government they keep on lying
but we gotta keep on surviving
Keep living our truth and do the best we can do

[Chorus]

Stand up for your rights [echo]
Keep shining your light [echo]
And show the world your smile [echo]

As my friend Dan Mutterer reminded me last night (using a poker illustration), it doesn’t matter nearly as much what hand your dealt, as how you play the hand you have.

As India.Arie would say, “That it’s all about your perception.”

Let’s not settle for pity. That’s mysilentscream!

1 – Proverbs 15:13, MSG
2 – Proverbs 17:22, CEV

… sometimes our hopes are dashed.

Our girlfriend is too manic.
Our boyfriend is too needy.
Our wife is too wounded.
Our husband is too self-centered.

And, it all comes crumbling down.

You can’t make her happy!
You can’t make him happy!
You feel so alone.

Left unchecked angry and loneliness are the ingredients for rage.

I hate this! Nothing makes sense.
I know I’m not good enough! And…
I know I will never be!

You, I assume are like me, and you “hear the roar of condemnation for past sins, feel gored by remorse, and sense hope itself slip away because of the terrible fierce ragings within?” 1

When that happens, shame builds and distorts.

I hate myself.
I hate everything that was me and still is.
I hate everything around me!
I hate me, you, and everything else.

Lies twist and contort, and drag us down, “I wish I WAS #^(<|~* DEAD!!!“

What can I do? Or, maybe, “That sounds like my friend, co-worker, brother, sister, etc. What can I do?”

“What can I recommend to someone who’s a lonely lover?”

Pray.  It might sound like an empty religious answer, but it’s not. “Jesus has suffered and was tempted, he can help anyone else who is tempted.” 2

That help is life transforming for me.

“Now that we know what we have…Jesus…let’s not let it slip through our fingers. (He not) out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.” 3

I Don’t Know How To Pray

We don’t always know why we should pray, how we should pray, what we should pray or whether it will “work.”

John Calvin, a man of great faith and faithfulness, struggled with that too. He wrote, that when we’re struggling, and we know we should have our eyes on God, and we should have our heart on good things, but “they faint and fail, and are carried in a contrary direction.” 4

When we’re screaming nonsense, pounding on walls, swearing about our circumstances, and mumbling under our breath, God understands us.

It’s then that God “does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves…That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” 5

My favorite prayer are:
I’m sorry…
Thank you…
Please…

If I Pray, What Happens When I Pray?

Sometimes nothing obvious
BUT if you’re like me, this is what you might get:

Sometimes he hugs us because of our sadness.
Sometimes he cries with us because of our hurts.
Sometimes he warns us because of our ignorance.
Sometimes he laughs at our silliness.
Sometimes he scolds our foolishness.
Sometimes he smacks us for our stupidity.

That’s why I fell in love with God.

1 – Mark Galli’s book Jesus Mean and Wild, pp. 25
2 – Hebrews 2:18, CEV
3 – Hebrews 4:14-16, MSG
4 – John Calvin’s Of Prayer — A Perpetual Exercise of Faith
5 – Romans 8:22-28, MSG

You tried, and tried, and tried, and failed.

And Now…

You feel frustrated because life sucks, and your daydream begins to feel like a nightmare.  “My days are over. My hopes have disappeared. My heart’s desires are broken.” 1 

And people find out what happened.  They start talking about what they think happened.  They start guessing what you did, or what you could have or should have done.  Then they start gossiping, “Their insults have broken my heart…If only one person would show some pity; if only one would turn and comfort me.” 2

Of course it get back to you, and now you feel worse.  “My grief is beyond healing; my heart is broken.” 3

It feels like no one will understand, no one can be trusted, and you’re stuck … alone.  “I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is broken. My spirit is poured out in agony…” 4

But…

As Robyn commented after yesterday’s post, “We can go to God when we have a broken heart =)”

Yes, we can.  One person prayed, ‘LORD, see my anguish! My heart is broken and my soul despairs…” 5

God does see.
God does hear.
God does know.
God does care.
God does listen.
God does heal.
God does act.
God does love.

As much as I wish God did things my way — when I want it, the way I want it — God doesn’t 

God doesn’t see with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t hear with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t know with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t care with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t listen with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t heal with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t act with our limited perspective.
God doesn’t love with our limited perspective.

And, yet  keep praying, because we need…

God’s comfort more than we need our way.

God companionship more than we need our way.

Ever feel alone?  God’s waiting for you to start talking.

1 – Job 17:11
2 – Psalm 69:20
3 – Jeremiah 18:8
4 – Lamentations 2:11;1:20
5 – Lamentations 1:20

The Lie

We believe the lie that “I can make someone happy,” and “I can make someone unhappy.”

Because we embrace those lies when relationships fall apart so do we.

She believes, “I wasn’t a good enough girlfriend, so he left me.”
He believes, “I was not there for her when she needed me most, so she left me.”
She believes, “I’m a failure, so he left me.”
He believes, “I unconsciously drove her away, so she left me.”
They believe, “I wasn’t good enough to stop this from happening, so … my heart breaks.”

The Truth

The truth is you cannot “make someone happy.”  Really you can’t.  You could be the kindest nicest person in the world and the other person might not react the way most everyone else would.  You might be amazing and still get dumped.

A poem of the brokenhearted.

You make me.
You break me.

You lie to me.
I lie to me.

You cheat on me.
I hate you.

I can’t stand being alone without you.
I feel so alone with you.

What did I ever do to you?
To give you so much power in me?

I’m weak.
You don’t care.

I can’t even hold myself up.
Right now I need you.
And you aren’t there.

Helpful Help

When we break bones we go to the doctor.
When we break teeth we go to the dentist.
When we break cars we go to mechanics.

Where can we go with a broken heart?

More tomorrow.

In baseball, as in life, there are the written rules and the unwritten rules, but baseball is a piece of cake compared to “the code” we try to decode when we’re in relationships.

Code – “It’s not working out…”

She seemed so sweet.  We’d text one another all day, every day.  Now nothing.  I guess I didn’t make her happy.

We dated for three years.  We had our ups and downs, but now he’s gone.  I guess I didn’t make him happy.

I dated this girl for the last eight months. I really loved her.  Now she’s gone. I guess I didn’t make her happy.

We were best friends.  We talked about it for a while.  Finally we decided to have sex.  Two weeks later it’s like he doesn’t even know me.  He won’t look at me.  He won’t talk to me.  He won’t even return my texts.  I guess I didn’t make him happy.

We broke up three months ago, but we were still having sex and stuff up until last week.  I guess I didn’t make him happy.

Whenever I look back on when we were going out, I can only think of all the bad stuff I did.  I’d get angry.  Say one thing; mean another.  I’d look at other girls.  I guess I didn’t make her happy.

I think he got tired of me overreacting.  He said it was always “over nothing.” Then we’d start yelling at one another.  He dumped me and him and screamed that I’m not a good girlfriend.  I guess I didn’t make him happy.

Decode – “I Guess I…”

I wasn’t a good enough girlfriend.
I was not there for her when she needed me most.
I’m a failure.
I unconsciously drove her away.
I wasn’t good enough to stop this from happening.

The Truth Is – “You can’t…”

The truth is you cannot “make someone happy.”  Really you can’t.  You could be the kindest nicest person in the world and the other person might not react the way most everyone else would.  You might be amazing and still get dumped.

More tomorrow.

While I’d heard of “the code,” it’s even more complicated than I realized.

This week I finished reading The Baseball Codes: Beanballs, Sign Stealing, and Bench-Clearing Brawls: The Unwritten Rules of America’s Pastime by Jason Turbow and Michael Duca.

As a lifelong baseball fan I found it valuable to understand how the game of baseball is actually played by major league players.

Personally I would be annoyed having so many unwritten rules to try to understand, maintain and pass on to the next generation.

Each rookie class was expected to learn, know, and follow the code; no questions asked.

Unfortunately, players don’t always remember the code in the midst of the game.

Respect The Code

The book is filled with insightful illustrations of the code and how the code is maintained and broken. The code says that code-breaking demands retribution.  If, there is no retribution that’s also a code-breaking offense.

For example, the written rules have no “mercy” rule, but the code does.  The code demands that when your team is ahead by seven runs in the eighth inning, it’s a code-breaker to swing at a three balls-no strikes pitch because the pitcher has to throw a good pitch or walk the batter and prolong the game.

The code expects the batter to be merciful.  If the batter swings it’s considered “rubbing it in.”

My favorite example from the book features former Minnesota Twin Torii Hunter made the mistake of swinging on a 3-0 pitch late in the game with a big lead against the Boston Red Sox.

After the game, Twins’ manager, Ron Gardenhire, brought Hunter — like a parent leading a child back to the store from which he stole — to the Red Sox clubhouse, to apologize in person to the team’s manager, Terry Francona.

Gardenhire said that he wanted Francona “to know we didn’t give a sign for him to swing away, that Torii just made a mistake…I thought that it was good for Torii to explain it to him, so I took him over.”

Gardy was also trying to prevent retribution that would likely escalate and lead to unnecessary bad blood between the two teams.  Why would there be bad blood?  Because there was an offense.  The code was broken.  Gardy was trying to smooth things over.  (See Chapters 7 and 9)

Here is the list of the chapters to give you a greater sense of what the code entails:

1. Know When To Steal `Em
2. Running Into The Catcher
3. Tag Appropriately
4. Intimidation
5. On Being Intimidated
6. Slide Into Bases Properly
7. Don’t Show Players Up
8. Responding To Records
9. Gamesmanship
10. Mound Conference Etiquette
11. Retaliation
12. The Wars
13. Hitters
14. Off The Field
15. Sign Stealing
16. Don’t Peek
17. Sign Stealing (Stadiums)
18. If You’re Not Cheating, You’re Not Trying
19. Caught Brown-Handed
20. Don’t Talk About A No-Hitter In Progress
21. Protect Yourself And Each Other
22. Everybody Joins A Fight
23. The Clubhouse Police

Conclusion: I enjoyed reading The Baseball Codes, though the language can be raw as the authors explain the multifaceted “code” in great detail. Herein lies one of the flaws of the book, the book drags as times.  More than a few couple times I skipped ahead.  Too often, in my opinion, the authors gave us several examples to illustrate part of the code when the best two or three would have been sufficient.

Don’t be Egotistical or a Know-It-All

Have you ever blurted something out without thinking it through?
Have you ever mumbled something incoherent to a crush?
Have you ever left a voicemail that sounded stupid, but you can’t take it back.
Have you ever regretted saying something before you even finished saying it?
Me too!

Last week we hosted our TreeHouse Live Out Love Gala. Country star Martina McBride was our featured guest. As her Q & A with our teens was ending I thought, “I should let her know that TreeHouse is even more special than she realizes.”

My intentions were innocent. I was thrilled with how engaging and enthusiastic our teens were at the Q & A, but I really wanted her to believe that TreeHouse wasn’t just special it was extraordinary.

Was I being a know-it-all?

Was I being condescending? Not intentionally so.

I was nervous. I’m passionate about TreeHouse and wanted to give Martina a greater sense of anticipation that there was even more to know about the TreeHouse teens, our mission and the methods we employ.

“Hi, my name is Scott. Thanks for being here to make our Gala even more special…(I don’t remember exactly what phrase I said here)…TreeHouse is even more special than you realize.”

She looked a little hurt. My boss, standing right there, looked annoyed. I felt dumb.

Was I being a know-it-all? Was I being condescending? Not intentionally so, but yes, I probably was. I was nervous talking to a celebrity. I was passionate about TreeHouse, but rude in my presentation.

I had not considered that I might talk to Martina McBride, so “thinking it through” never crossed my mind.

What could I have done differently? What should I do next time I might meet a celebrity?

I wish that I had done three things:

1. Prayed: When I pray to our Creator, “Please God help me to know what to say.”, I’m less nervous around people.

2. Paused. I was nervous. Then I felt rushed to capture the moment. I should not have rushed in.

3. Prepped. “When in doubt, check it out.” It’s a good rule to follow in a workplace. I should have asked my boss. He would have said, as he said later, “You don’t know how ‘special’ she thinks TreeHouse is.” And, he would have been right.

As dumb as I felt, a couple minutes later, my boss, Tom Richards, saw me beating myself up, leaned over and said, “Don’t worry about it.” The kindest words he ever said to me. It changed my whole evening for the better.

FYI – Tom told me “Don’t worry about it” at the time, but he’ll followup with coaching for me in our next meeting.

I’m still socially awkward at times, but as Norman Vincent Peale wrote, “Eliminate the ‘scratchy’ elements in your personality, traits that can irritate others.” I am.

I’m a work on progress, and so are you.

“Let’s keep growing together”, that’s mysilentscream.

Growing up my best friends were our family’s German Shepherd dogs. I hadn’t developed the people skills necessary to be manage the many dynamic social relationships I needed available to me at TreeHouse.

In my first review we discussed my lack of social skills.
And my second.
And my third.
And my fourth.
And my fifth.

Yesterday I posted Norman Vincent Peale’s 10 Rules For Getting Along With People. I needed to apply those rules then, and I still do today.

Remember their names. We all have a name. We may have been given a nickname. We may choose a nickname for ourselves. Whichever name is “our name” we all like to be memorable. Want to get along with people? Remember their names.

Be comfortable to be with — don’t cause strain — in others. I was too young when my dad’s dad passed, but my mom’s dad had a sweet send of humor. My dad is smart, quick-witted and can be sarcastic. The men in my family are funny.  And, now my son Josh may be the funniest one of us all.

When I was in high school I loved to laugh. I loved to make the nine people surrounding me in a classroom laugh.

Unfortunately my father’s quick wit manifested in me needed to be corralled.

More than once my ever patient boss Wayne Thyren had to corral me.

Scott, he’d say later, you had their attention:
– Don’t make a joke at the wrong time.
– They were focused don’t distract them.
– It’s not the time to entertain yourself.

My thanks to Wayne, my wife Amy, my parents, my kids, my friends, co-workers TreeHouse teens and other gracious (and less gracious) people who have confronted me. You’ve helped helped train me to be comfortable to be with others even in awkward social situations.

In doing so, you’ve been part of transforming my life.

Thank you.

The people are all people I know and respect, but I don’t know them well, nor do I know how they work together as a team.

Since I know that I can be socially awkward, especially when I am a little nervous I’m looking for suggestions to help make the transition smooth. The Bible gives some wise advice that I am embracing:

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 1

Try to live at peace with everyone! Live a clean life. 2

That got mind mind stirring; it got me thinking, how can I apply those in my life?

Years ago I found this list by Norman Vincent Peale that will help me, and may help you too.

10 Rules For Getting Along With People

Remember their names
Be comfortable to be with. Don’t cause strain in others.
Try not to let things bother you. Be easygoing.
Don’t be egotistical or know-it-all.
Learn to be interesting so that people will get something stimulating from being with you.
Eliminate the “scratchy” elements in your personality, traits that can irritate others.
Never miss a chance to offer support or say “Congratulations”.
Work at liking people. Eventually you’ll like them naturally.
Honestly try to heal any misunderstandings and drain off grievances.
Develop spiritual depth in yourself and share this strength with others. 3

1 – Romans 12:18, NIV
2 – Hebrews 12:14, CEV
3 – Norman Vincent Peale, source unknown

I feel most grateful to those readers – you know who you are – who subscribe to mysilentscream.com.

I often see errors – or my dear wife Amy points them out to me – that are caught after I “publish”.  You subscribers overlook my errors that are silently corrected in a subsequent edit so no one else has to tolerate them.

FYI – Before I hit “Publish” I realized that I misspelled “misspelled.” =D

My humble thanks to all of you readers!

Note – With all due respect to Gus Dallas and WestBow Press A Division of Thomas Nelson, if I am ever published, I hope no one writes a review of my work like I have written this one.

As I read through Gus Dallas’ book Proverbs: “Reconstructed” more than a few times I wondered why Dallas made some of the decisions he made, or why an editor let it go to print.

The chapters/sections are organized by 370 categories. Many of the categories are duplicated using a “Good” heading and a “Bad” heading. No explanation is given in the brief two-page preface for these distinctions. Nor does the preface explain whether or not all of the Proverbs have been categorized.

Ah, yes, the categories. I have a copy of Proverbs: “Reconstructed” in epub format. I was looking forward to using the links to study the categories and topics listed in the “Contents” section of Proverbs: “Reconstructed” that are particularly relevant to me.

Unfortunately – though there are many proverbs relevant to marriage – marriage and divorce are not listed, but Bear, Meddles, Shepard (sic) and Thorns are.

Jesus and Christian are listed, though the Proverbs were written before the birth of Christ or the church.

Conclusion:

Proverbs is a relevant and practical guide to life, but this book does not offer enough help to understand and apply the proverbs in order to recommend it.

I am an expert on the subject of typos having made many. Just in case someone at WestBow Press reads my review here are the other errors I noticed.

Words are simply misspelled:

Knowledge
Good
“For the LORD gives wisdom; from fis mouth come knowledge and understanding”
“fis” replaced his

Keys are hit twice thus misspelling words:

Mouth
Bad
“A fool’s lips enter into contention, Aand his mouth calls for blows.”
“Aand” replaced and

Wife
Good
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, Bbut she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.
“Bbut” replaced but

Words are misspelled because an adjacent key was struck:

Pride
Bad
He who is of a proud heart stirs up strife, but hw who trusts in the lord”
“hw” replaced he

Words are misspelled because a letter is missing:

Righteous
Good
“The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable, ut the mouth…”
“ut” replaced but

Trouble
Good
Whoever guards his mouth and tongue eeps his soul from trouble.
“eeps” replaced keeps

Ways (Darkness-Paths)
Bad
“When wisdom enters your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul, iscretion will preserve you.”
“iscreation” replaced discretion

Words are misspelled because a letter was struck on the way to the space bar:

Witness
Bad
Do not say, “I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to thebman according to his work.”
“thebman” replaced “the man”

Disclosure: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”