Natty Bumpercar: Alright, hey everybody, it's me, Natty Bumpercar, and this is Natty Bumpercar's DYT Comedy Podcast. It's actually the very first one past the introduction one, which was supposed to explain what everything was, and now we're actually going to do it. We're going to have it. You're going to hear it. Are you ready? I hope I am, because it's taken me weeks to get everything set up and to pull all the audio off of my phone, and to get the podcast feeds working. There's a lot of boring, annoying, behind-the-scenes stuff that happens on these podcasts. You get an idea, like, oh, I'm going to have another podcast, and then you forget, like, oh, I've got to set up all this junk behind the scenes, and so that's what I've been doing. I apologize it's taken so long. This first one, I think, is a really fun, good example of off-the-cuff. I just had fun, and it was a great night. It was at a place called the Oak Barrel Pub in West Orange, New Jersey. I'm trying to figure out what the date was, and I'm going to put it in the notes, I guess, but what I did, I went, I think, several shows back so that I have a little bit of a buffer so that I can work off of that, and I'm sure eventually I'll catch up and go from there, but are you ready?

Announcer: Because here we are, Natty Bumpercar, at the Oak Barrel Pub, DYT comedy podcast.

Natty Bumpercar: Let's go. First comic coming to the stage, just performed recently at the Jersey City Comedy Festival. He performs all over New York and New Jersey. Give it up for Kit-Kat Alley's own Natty Bumpercar! Yay! I'm going to apologize right off the bat that I don't know each of you individually by name. I feel like that puts me at a bit of a disadvantage when he's like, hey John, remember T-Ball? It's pretty fun, right? And then he goes on to hit on your girl, he's just like, who's the cutest girl in here? Oh, the one with my friend. Not appropriate! And then you guys, he's just like, but by the way, when he asked you this, he's like, you look like you're going to kill me, and your leg was like, you were doing some crazy yoga thing? Like, I was over there, and I was looking, and I was just like, I don't understand how her leg is doing that, like, how many joints, like, do you just, is it attached? Because I would feel horrible if it wasn't, and you were like, no, look at this! And then you tipped it over, and you were like, I got you spare change! The craziest thing, though, is when he was like, you look like you're going to kill me! I happened to, because I was over there, and I was looking past, you were like, yeah, I might kill him, but he didn't even ask you! Like, he didn't even, he wasn't even talking, he was talking to Bindi over here, and you were like, yeah, that's probably going to happen before the night's over, I'm going to kill this little sock-hat, greasy-haired guy who evidently doesn't live in West Orange all of a sudden, who I grew up with. And then, so, I was looking at you guys, and like, a lot of people would look at this table, and they would be like, oh, the guy wanted to go out with his friends, and then, like, the girlfriend was like, I want to come out with you guys. That's just what people were thinking, right? But I know for a fact that you wanted to come to the Oak Barrel by yourself, and these bastards all, like, hopped in the car with you, and were just like, we're so sick of playing, y'all, Xbox One! Xbox, go to sleep! Xbox, go to sleep! I don't want to play with you no more, Xbox! And then he asked you, your thing was you wanted to run a marathon? Like, I saw the little girl who was sitting at the table with you, who was eating an entire plate of nachos by herself. Like, you better start running pretty soon, because she might explode, is what I'm telling you, like, something horrible is going to happen at that table, and I worry about you. Like, you might want to take up with her, she's very flexible. So if you run up to a fence, and it's locked or something, she'll just shimmy your way through it. Like, I'll pick a lock with my pinky, let's go through, run! Molly, boosh! I was, uh, I went to the potty when I got here, because I've got, like, a little bladder, I get nervous and excited, and like, ladies, you might not have, you're allowed to laugh, you're not, you can't just make this weird smiley thing. Like, you're exercising your chin to not laugh, you're like, I'm gonna get this chin in the summer season, you watch me not laugh. It's like, it looks like it hurts what you're doing. But you ladies, you probably didn't have this experience, but in the boys' potty, when you open the door, you have a sink, a urinal, and a potty, and there's no division in between the three, right? And I didn't know what to do, like, socially, I'm pretty awkward, you might not believe this, John, but I opened the door, and I just kind of stood there, and I was just like, is this, do I just, do I lock it? Do I, like, but I felt like that was, like, too much, like, so I didn't, I just, I held my foot against the door, and I'm not like you, I can't, like, I can only get up so far, and so then I'm, like, trying to, like, get my foot, and trying to pee, but, like, the bottom of my shoes, these shoes are, like, two years old, they've got no grip whatsoever, and so then I start to gradually slide across the floor, and then I'm doing the splits, and trying to make pee, and it was just, like, I might die here tonight, like, and when, and when the EMTs come in, and they were, like, and this is gonna be how I go out, you know, splitting two in the bathroom, just crying in a puddle of my own pee, that's horrible, but luckily, luckily for you guys, I made it out, so we're, so we're gonna make some dreams come true tonight, that's what I'm saying, okay? I, I, I lead a complicated life, you guys, today, I had to break up a fight, like, this is at my, I bought a new house, and I have a four-year-old, and he, I'm, like, we're playing in the yard, and then he started screaming, and I was just, like, what's happening? And his hand is bloody, like, he's got, like, this is really, this happened a couple hours ago, and I was just, like, what happened? And, like, he was so furious, and he was just, like, that bush! I was, like, what? What about that bush? He's, like, that bush beat, wow, hi, the bus got here, you're ruining my big bush joke, so, no, you guys fill him in, it's okay, bloody kid, there's a bush, go sit in your seat, it's fine, the dad misses you, is that my, holy crap, I know somebody in the crowd, my dude, what's going on over there? Give me a fist bump, he won't even look at me, I'm talking to a microphone to you. So he's got a bloody hand, he's screaming at the bush, and I was, like, what happened? And he was, like, his exact words were, I was running, and that bush beat me up, and I was just, like, the bush beat you up, and he was, like, yeah, just tears, just, like, he's, like, hyperventilating, he's so freaking out, and, and then I was just, like, I got worried, because, like, we've got trees on our property, and I'm really worried, like, what's going to happen to him when he gets tangled up with one of those, like, like, he could barely handle, like, he's maybe more of, like, a shrub kind of kid, like, because he is little, but, like, I don't know, I worry about him, I, um, what was I gonna tell, oh, um, I have one of those wives, and she bought, no, that's how I got the kids, like, they came, it was, like, a match set, or something, they didn't come for a few years later, they were on, like, layaway, or whatever, but, like, so, she bought me, um, those, what are they called, they're, like, boxer briefs, you look like a boxer brief kind of man, right? I never did that before, I hated it, I was, I was, like, my kid with the bush, I started crying, she was, like, what is wrong with you? And I was, like, I don't like these, she's just, like, what is wrong, why not? And I was just, like, they keep touching me! Everywhere! Like, stop! Put that sink in for a second, I, uh, I, uh, what was I gonna tell you? Oh, I, uh, I was, I was driving, you know, I drive around a lot to do these, these jokey shows, and I, um, it's, no, it's funny, but it's sad, I hit a deer the other night, like, no, I know they're everywhere! And it was, the worst part was, like, he didn't even have insurance, right? Like, you think I'm joking, but he hit my car, and then, like, I didn't know what to do, so I got out, and I'm getting all my paperwork together, and, like, I was just, like, well, I guess we're gonna have to call the cops, and he started freaking out, he's, like, what do you mean? Cops? Cops? We're gonna go, like, I don't know what to call the cops! I was, like, just hold on a second, and when I went to tell him my phone, he scampers off into the woods, like, just shoots off, like, an arrow, like a dart, right? I don't know how deer shoot, but he was gone, right? And the cop shows up, and he's, like, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, that's how he was talking at first, but it was his car, and I was just, like, uh, well, he was, like, what happened here? And I was, like, the deer, he came out of my wood, he hit me, hit the car, and he was, like, what did the deer look like? And I was, like, I don't know, he had, like, adorable little eyes, and, like, these, like, horns, and a little really soft nose, he nuzzled me for a second, white tail, he looked like deers do, right? And the cop's just, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, you trying to tell me that all deer look alike? And I was, like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I am not a speciest, my friend, but I will tell you, that deer hit my car, he didn't have insurance, please, and, and then the worst thing that happened, you, you, this table, I'm, where are you? Yeah, you, no, in New Jersey, I'm pointing to you, white shirt, in New Jersey, I'm four feet away from you, and I'm pointing to you, and she's, like, it couldn't possibly be, like, look at this wingspan, like, I can come right over there and dial your phone, but I don't. In New Jersey, there's this thing that can happen, where if you get pulled over, you can get arrested for being too adorable, right? No, and evidently, when you're talking to a cop about a deer who hit you, and you're describing him, and you're gonna get a check off your license for being too adorable, and I've heard, if you get three of them, you're gonna go to jail, and I gotta tell you, gray shirt, you don't want, I know, I got confused, because I called you gray, and you're, like, my name's not gray, and then I was just, like, you're wearing a gray shirt, I don't know, so, you don't want to go to jail for being too adorable in New Jersey, because here's what happens, there's no way to sound tough, when you're in a jail cell, with a giant dude, who needs this, like, I want you in jail, for what you do, huh? You're, like, I was way, I was way, and then you're, like, gonna climb up on stuff to be bigger and tougher, you're, like, I was too cute, for my own good, and then he's just, like, I might kill you tonight, and you're, like, all right, that's fine with me, I, what time, how many minutes are we doing here? I know, we're over 12 at this point, I can guarantee, we're not, really? Wow, that's phenomenal, then let's tell more jokes. So, I was going through the mail the other day, and I was flipping through the mailbox, and I, and I came across, there was a letter addressed to my dog, Irving Brownsox, which is awesome, that he got mail, I was just, like, this is funny, I was really, wait, what is this? And I went to open it, because I was curious, it was a pre-approved credit card, which is awesome for him, but his bill, or his, whatever, his credit limit was, like, three times what mine is, and so then I was, like, how is this even possible? You're a dog, you don't have established credit, and then I started talking like a Muppet, and I don't know why that happened, and so then I went and researched, and I found out his credit score is, like, crazy higher than mine, too, and I was, like, well, this is a funny story to tell to friends in a bar in West Orange, and I didn't think anything of it, but then my wife wanted to, we wanted to get a house, buy this house with a scary bush that beats up my kid, and, and we went to the bank, and funny thing, when you're a comic, you don't have a lot of monies, right? And the bank guy was looking at his computer, and, and I'm, like, just sweating, I'm just sitting there sweating, and he was just, like, you know, Mr. Bintherkar? I was, like, oh, it's bumper car, Natty bumper car, and he's, like, yeah, I don't think we're going to be able to give you this loan and a mortgage, and I was, like, oh, all right, and you're sitting next to your wife, and she's not happy, and so I was, like, all right, well, could we work something out, maybe get, like, a cosigner or something like that? He's, like, you know somebody with good credit, and I was, like, oh, my friend, oh, my friend. I'm Natty bumper car. Thank you guys very much. Yay, so that's what that was. This is the show. This is what, how it's going to be. I'll put us, you know, talk a little bit, and then we'll put up a set, and then we'll listen to it, and then I guess I'll come on and talk in the end, and sometimes I'll talk in the middle, I suppose, but really there was no point in talking in the middle of this because it was just non-stop wackadoo, so yeah, that's what it is. Did you have fun? Did it make, I mean, I pray it's not going to make any sense probably for 10 or 100, maybe 112, 17, seven episodes, then it'll start making more sense, but, you know, right now I think we just all look at it. We say, oh, that was a fun set. He did a great job. Had no idea what he was going to do or what was going to happen and got lucky. No, just, you know, did with this. That's that show right there. That's my favorite type of show. That's what I like to do the most, like, play with the crowd, do random off-the-cuff type stuff, pull in the room and, you know, like, acknowledge stuff and point stuff out and work from thing to thing and bounce thing to thing to thing and when it works, oh, God, it's so much fun. When it doesn't work, it's, ah, ooh, it's painful. So very, very painful. And, yeah, you know, so the next episode is probably not going to be as fun. Like, that one for me, I sat and listened to and I was like, I remember that. Oh, that part, oh, I remember, of course, that part. Yes, yes, of course. But then, you know, there's going to be episodes where I'm just probably going to come on and just say, here it is, and then at the end go, okay. And then that's it because I don't want to talk about it because sometimes it hurts. And I have feelings too. Even though I have a thick skin, I still have skin that can be hurt. No, I'm playing with you. It's all for the betterment of the peppermint. So that's it. This is Natty Bumpercar. This is the DYT Comedy Podcast. It's number two from the Oak Barrel Pub. I was looking for the date and I can't find it. I'm going to assume it's in April of 2014. Might be June. I don't know. It's in the year of 2014. Is that good enough for you? Probably not. And that's fine. All I can do is try to shoot the basketball. I'm not sure if it's going to go in a hoop or not. So, yeah, I am Natty Bumpercar and I will have another one of these up. I'm going to try to do at least one a week. Maximum one a week. Good Christmas. And also, don't forget the Bumper Podcast is on. It's back. It's on fire. And everything else. So that's all I've got. Oh, that's the pigs thing. I can't do that. Bumpercar, I can't. I don't have… Why can't I figure a way to… I got to end. I got to end. I got to end.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, what's going on everybody? This is me, Natty Bumpercar, and this is a new podcast. It's a different podcast from my normal podcast, which is the Bumper Podcast, which is supposed to come out every Wednesday, but let's not point any fingers here, people. So what this podcast is about specifically is it's going to be every time I go and do a show, do a mic, do whatever, I'm going to record it, or at least I'm going to try to, and then I'll bring it back here and put it up, and the whole purpose of that is so that I can kind of document every show that I do and see what the differences are and how the venues and how, I don't know, the sound or the lights or the crowd or whatever affects what I'm doing and, you know, if it works, if it doesn't work, and probably what I'll do is break it up, and so in between, you know, like in the shows, I'll actually kind of break out every so often and maybe, you know, make a note, be like, hey, did you notice that or something like that, or ooh, that really didn't work or whatever. And so it's just kind of, for me at least, a fun experiment to see what happens every time that I go out and to see my thought process and to see what jokes that my brain decided to use, because I don't tend to go off of a straight list. I tend to try to at least base it off the room I'm in and who's in the room, and so that'll be kind of fun, right? Maybe? No? I don't know. We'll see. And, you know, I figure what I'll do is I'll post them and I'll say, here's the date, here's the location, and then each show's going to depend, like the length of time of each show is going to depend based on how long the set was. So if I did a four-minute set over in the city or whatever, like I hopped on for a couple minutes, then it's a short show, obviously. I've got one show that I'm going to do, and it might even be the first show, just to really torch you, that was a half an hour, and it was a show. It was quite a show. So the length of the shows is going to vary. When I put them up is kind of going to vary. I want to get it on some sort of schedule just to make it easier for you and easier for me, but we'll see how that goes. And of course, I look forward to any kind of notes you guys have or interaction you want to have with it, because it is an experiment for me, but I also want to try to include people and get their feedback and get their ideas and have people say, please stop putting these on the internet, you're terrible, or whatever, or you're too funny, or, wow, you really do the same jokes every single night, but I don't, or do I? I don't know. We'll see. Anyway. Oh, last thing. So it's the Natty Bumper Car DYT comedy podcast. What does DYT stand for? Oh, well, I'm not going to tell you right now, because that would be too easy. I will tell you at some point down the future. Down the future, in the future, in the future, we'll say. Down the road, we'll also say that. So I'm Natty Bumper Car. This is the Natty Bumper Car DYT comedy podcast, and we're going to start posting next week, and it's going to be awesome, and you guys are awesome, and hooray, and the Bumper podcast is still in effect, so get ready for that, and so many things. NattyBumperCar.com, my website, hooray, Snowflake, the comic, webcomic, it's about a penguin, you'll love that, follow me on Vine, Pig is there, he's pretty cool, or on Twitter, it's the same handle, it's just at Natty Bumper Car, so blah, blah, blah. Okay. Hooray! High five! High five! High five! High five!