rockets in the night -- a metaphor

'House of Secrets' Trailer Contest

ned_vizzini — Sun, 21 Apr 2013 18:43:02 GMT

⇑ That's House of Secrets, the book I co-wrote with Chris Columbus that you can win (signed by me) while supplies last!

To enter, just TWEET THE BOOK TRAILER:

You can tweet the trailer by clicking here.

I will pick two winners a week until I am out of books! Please note -- some winners will get hardcover books, some will get paperback "international" versions, and a few lucky winners will get UK editions. (Note: this contest IS open to international entries.)

Thank you and good luck!

First Sentences, First Minutes, First Seconds

ned_vizzini — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 08:54:18 GMT

This contest is now over! Thanks to all who entered!
⇑ That's the prize pack I'm offering for my contest: 1 House of Secrets advance copy (with special packaging), 1 Be More Chill, & 1 It's Kind of a Funny Story audiobook. All signed by me.

To enter, just retweet THIS LINK, which contains the first line of House of Secrets:

"Brendan Walker knew the house was going to be terrible."

I will pick one winner every week until April 19! Booksellers: you have preferential treatment because I like you. But other than that, winners chosen randomly!

WINNERS: 3/8 - @rlSPNfn; 3/15 - @theannieru; 3/22 - @NickGo; 3/29 - @rebeccajillian; 4/15 - @FluffingtonMan; 4/12 - @SammyStrikes; 4/17 - @AutumnElyzabeth

Now, I think a lot about first lines. I believe the most important thing about a book is its ending, because if a book starts off badly, but ends well, it leaves you redeemed and buoyant. But the second-most important thing is the first line.

Writers and booksellers may disagree and say that first lines are more important, because if your first line isn't good, the reader will never buy the book. But to that argument, I say...

Dragon Tattoo, people. Dragon Tattoo.

Have you ever met someone who's read Dragon Tattoo? They all say the strangest thing:

"Well, the first sixty pages are all about libel law in Sweden... BUT THEN IT GETS AMAZING."

What?! The first sixty pages were boring? How did you get through them? How did the book sell a gazillion copies? The answer lies in the hidden challenge of a book with a boring beginning, which is this:

If you're smart enough, you'll get through the boring part and find the book's special secrets.

Lord of the Rings works this way. Everyone agrees that Fellowship is bit slow... but by the time you get to The Two Towers, you can't put it down. And The Return of the King? Astounding! Oh, wait, you didn't get that far?

Well, maybe you're not the sort of person who can handle LOTR. Maybe you can read Narnia books, which are easier. You know, for children.

Maybe I sound bitter here. I'm not. I'm just pointing out that there are no Dragon Tattoo-style books in children's literature. YA and middle grade books from Alice and Wonderland on must deliver the goods quickly. (Remember, Alice goes down the rabbit hole on page one.)

In fact, in comparison to TV and film, books for young people have less room to breathe. You can start an episode of Breaking Bad with Walter White drinking a cup of coffee for 20 seconds. You can start a film with hominids sitting in a cave. Your audience has already committed to being there in some capacity.

A novel on a shelf in a bookstore has no such luxury. It is going to be picked up (because the cover isn't terrible), opened (because the summary looked ok), and sampled. And the sampling is going to begin on page one. So unless it's Dragon Tattoo or Lord of the Rings and its reputation proceeds it, page one better be good.

So in co-writing page one of House of Secrets, I learned from three people:

Chris Columbus
Chris established early on that we were going to end every chapter of House of Secrets on a cliffhanger. He'll tell you that when he wrote Gremlins, each scene was about topping the scene before. So if the first sentence is "Brendan knew the house was going to be terrible," that will force us to make the house really terrible.

Gordon Korman
Gordon Korman isn't just a great writer, he's one of those people who can talk about writing. I saw him at an LATimes Book Festival three years ago talking about how his ideal reader, the one who's in his head judging as he writes, is an impatient 12-year-old boy saying, "C'mon, give it to me!"

Joe Strummer
In a similar vein, watch Joe Strummer talk about the Ramones:

"I particularly learned that from the Ramones, that 'Slam! There's that number. Where's the next one?!' Because there's people watching and -- people've got things to do! It's a busy world out there -- give it to 'em!"

That's really all your first line has to do. Give it to 'em.

The 25 Winners of the House Of Secrets "Secret for a Secret" Contest

ned_vizzini — Fri, 15 Feb 2013 17:50:34 GMT

Thanks all who entered the House of Secrets contest!

This book is coming out April 23, 2013, but the 25 people who won this contest will get an advance copy in some special packaging.

We had more than 100 people enter this contest from all over the world. The challenge was to share a secret about yourself, something a stranger wouldn't know.... and the best (funniest, bravest, weirdest) secrets won House of Secrets.

If your name has a * next to it, that means I DO NOT HAVE YOUR MAILING ADDRESS. You need to contact me through Facebook or my contact page to give me your mailing address for me to send you a book.

Winners...

higgschrishiggs *
I cry during nearly every episode of How I Met Your Mother.

juliarepusic
I used to break my cousins toys and wait for them to find them and when they did I would blame it on my sisters

narajoe176
When I was little I used to steal (and eat) my puppy's dog chocolate ;P

MendiolaBrandon
I am guilty of taking a Pacific Cooler Capri Sun in my lunch everyday...and yes, I am a college student. #YOLO

mudgeAmoo
I write msgs in my text books addressed to the next owner of it. Sending them on a wild hunt around the area.

Oneminutemonkey
My secret: I used to cheat at Rubik's Cube by taking it apart and putting it back together....

ahleeseeah
I'm still mourning the distinct lack of my Hogwarts letter

ravenuhler
When I broke my mom's favorite glass, instead of putting it back, I just threw it away

ParanoiDork
I used to eat dirt

finnickly
i set fires to feel joy

sacrulen *
when was 14 a spider crawled on me & i spent hours writing out my will because i genuinely thought i was dying

RackLuvsBooks *
Every year, I toss out the Xmas candy by g'ma buys me. I don't tell her b/c it reminds her of my childhood.

amystokes12 *
when I was little I glued my grandparents dogs together and blamed it on my brother. (Wanted Siamese twin dogs)

MichelleBitnerS *
I eat my children's candy when they are not home.

JessicaMFlesher *
I had a private theory during most of second grade that Europe was a story that adults had made up.

justdave360 *
When i was a kid i take all the sprinkler heads off of neighbors yard and me and my had a hidden collection.

Jackulation12 *
When I was little, I used to pretend to my school friends that I lived in London and David Beckham was my Dad.

lolcandypop *
When I was really little, like at the age of four, I used to want to marry my dad when I got older.

lovepookybees *
When I was little I would walk around the food store and eat all the veggies. I thought they were free.

Desi_Gay *
When I was a kid I pooped my pants at my neighbors house then hid my undies in their houseplant and ran home

bookishandnerdy *
i am deathly afraid of snails and slugs

amandameetsbook
I had an imaginary friend named Normal. He "died" in an underground volcano in my grandma's backyard.

xpewdieschair *
[secret redacted]

skyrocketedfame *
When I watched Harry Potter 6 in the cinema, I stood in the part where the students raised their wands in respect of Dumbledore's death. Nobody dared to tell me to sit down

Noelle (via email) *
When I had my first baby, I was terrified when I was the only adult home with her. I was afraid to be totally responsible for this little human being.

If you have a * next to your username, please be in touch with your mailing address to get your prize book!

A Secret for a Secret: House of Secrets Twitter Giveaway Contest

ned_vizzini — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 06:44:23 GMT

UPDATE: the contest ~~is open until Feb 1, 2013~~ has been extended to Feb 15, 2013!

Gremlins & Goonies creator Chris Columbus and I have a new book coming April 23, 2013: House of Secrets.

(Yes, the book -- which is the start of a series -- has a quote from "The Queen Herself".)

Would you like to get a free copy of House of Secrets before it comes out?

Sorry. Now I'm going really nuts with the fonts. To get your copy:

Tweet a secret about yourself hashtagged #HouseOfSecrets

It doesn't have to be a crazy secret. It should not be anything that gets you into legal trouble. Just something a stranger wouldn't know. Example:

Show me the tweet
You can either put "@ned_vizzini" in the tweet, or you can bring it to my attention via my Facebook or website contact form, or in a comment below.

That's it! Once I see your tweet, I will contact you for your address & send you a free advance copy of the book!

Numbers are limited, because I have ~~14 (count 'em, 14)~~ 20 (I got more books!) books to give away.

G-g-go!

Post-Holiday Geek Gift Guide

ned_vizzini — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 00:53:02 GMT

Now that the holidays are over, get yourself what you want. I compiled the following list for a website that didn't get a chance to run it because of the Sandy Hook massacre.

Top Teen Geek Gifts for Actual Geeks

Star Wars Princess Leia Dog Costume. $13.14 at PartyBell.com.

Don't get this costume for dogs who are snooty. Like if the dog is only into the Original Unaltered Trilogy and hates the prequels even though she only saw Phantom Menace and those long-winded YouTube reviews with the droll narrator, she can wear a different costume. This is for dogs who are more open-minded and cool about the whole thing. But not if they're fat, because the XL sizes are sold out.

White Queen Legendary Scale Bust. $199.99 at sideshowtoy.com.

Sideshow Collectibles makes a number of “Legendary” busts over a foot tall. So that's why the White Queen is “Legendary.” No other reason. Limited edition of 1,250.

+5 Shirt of Protection T-Shirt. $18.00 at kaboodle.com.

When it comes to T-shirts, a real geek wants one that even he or she can't understand. I get what a “Shirt of Protection” is (the shirt is magical and protects its wearer) and I understand what “-3 vs. Cold” means (the shirt is less effective in cold weather)… I have no idea what “Masterwork” refers to.

Shark vs Narwhal 16x20. $40.00 at Etsy.

The nice thing about this print, by Jann VanZant of Long Beach, CA, is that once you give it to someone, they won't need anything else to decorate their house, unless they want a bunch of narwhal stuff, in which case Etsy has them covered. Professionally printed on “some bomb-ass paper that will last longer than a heavily armored immortal shark with a bazooka in a knife fight,” it also comes in an $80 24x36 “Leviathan freaking sized” version.

Final Fantasy for NES. $699.95 at Annie May.

When today's geeks were young, we bought comics, thinking that our parents would be rich if they hadn't thrown theirs out. What we should have bought was a sealed copy of every video game we owned—because unopened Nintendo games are worth a ton. Annie May, an Amazon affiliate, still has one factory-sealed copy of the greatest role-playing game of all time: Final Fantasy. To play it, you need a Nintendo—either one of the originals (factory-sealed? $5,000.00) or one of Retro-Bit's backwards-compatible systems ($24.99). But then you'd have to open it, and you wouldn't do that, would you?

Saga, Vol. 1. Signed by Brian K Vaughan & Fiona Staples. $69.99 at eBay.

Brian K. Vaughan has been well-served by development hell. Back in 2003, his sci-fi saga Y: The Last Man landed at New Line Cinema; five years later, Marvel talked up his Runaways as its post-Avengers franchise. One wonders if a big-screen adaptation of Vaughan's cerebral and emotional epics would have torpedoed the creation of more of them, like the latest, Saga, which may be his best. Unsigned versions are $9.99 on Amazon.

Daredevil Born Again Artist's Edition. $140 at Secret Headquarters.

In comics, there isn't much in the way of format wars: you have your single issues, your trade paperbacks, and your hardcover collections. So when Marvel and IDW teamed up to put out Artist's Editions—12” x 17” books containing the original art as drawn by the artist (comic art is shrunk for publication)—it was sort of like BluRay. The most sought-after Artist's Edition is Born Again, collecting Daredevil #237-233 by Frank Miller and David Mazzucchelli. This one is tough to get, but Secret Headquarters in Los Angeles has them; call (323) 666-2228.

I Love Bad Movies Issues 1-5 Discount Pack. $19.00 at Etsy.

I don't know why Matt Carman and Kseniya Yarosh call their acclaimed zine about low-culture film I Love Bad Movies. Barbarella, Boxing Helena, Demolition Man… these aren't even bad! But ILBM is the only place where such films get their due, in essays from impassioned comedians, writers and critics. Best of all, it's a zine instead of a blog, laid out with great care and perfect for any basket around the house.

James Jean Weyward Witches Drip Necklace. $900 at OVM.

James Jean is known for the dreamy, loopy covers he did for Bill Willingham's Fables—possibly the most beautiful comic-book covers ever—but since stepping away after the 10th trade, he's been everywhere. He has his own brand of mints; he exhibits at the Martha Otero Gallery in LA; now he has his own line of jewelry, OVM, of which this necklace is a highlight. If you're a geek with a woman in your life, don't mess around.

Original Movie Prop - Gremlins 2: The New Batch. $9,995.00 at Prop Store.

Gremlins 2 was welcomed into the film-geek canon earlier this year with a BluRay release—and the BluRay, which will run you around $17, is a fine substitute for this one-of-a-kind prop. But if you can afford Lenny the Mogwai, get him. Gremlins 2 not only embraced the humor of Scream and Family Guy a decade earlier, it failed to connect with the masses… just like we did, before we became the masses.

That's it. A fun little article to put together. Happy New Year everyone and more soon about my next book project, House of Secrets...

Life Lessons from the One-Legged Dentist

ned_vizzini — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 20:51:45 GMT

After I moved to Hollywood and started working in TV, I got health insurance and dental through the Writers Guild -- but there were about two years where I didn't see a dentist at all, and one of my teeth hurt. So this past summer, my wife Sabra Embury, who was on a LivingSocial kick, found me a "special offer" for a dentist.

Now, LivingSocial calls what they do "special offers." But really they're coupons.

So yes, I went to a dentist with a coupon.

This dentist was in the middle of this giant mall complex in Commerce, CA called "Citadel Outlets". If you live in Southern California, you know Citadel because it's the outlet mall with the gigantic sphinxes that preside over the street:

You probably don't know that in the middle of this mall is a dentist: Citadel Dental. You probably do know that it isn't a great idea to go to a dentist in the middle of an outlet mall with a $35 coupon. The dentist at Citadel Dental, who bore a strong resemblance to Dominick Dunne --

-- told me that he had a great idea for a TV show about dentists, and also one about naval warfare in Alaska in WWII. I just nodded with instruments in my mouth while he fixed the cavity that was detected during the $35 cleaning. But something weird happened once my filling was over...

My tooth still hurt.

In fact, it hurt worse. So I went back to Citadel Dental (biking this time) --

-- and they said they did the filling wrong. Dominick Dunne replaced it for free. I rode home with a ton of Novocaine in my face trying to talk to my writing partner Nick Antosca while patting my lips to make sure they were still there. I nearly got hit by a few cars, but I made it home. Thing was...

My tooth still hurt.

So this time I decided to go to a different dentist. And I decided that a random dentist found through the Writers Guild website would be better than Dunne's Sphinx Castle Mall Practice.

I ended up at a place that I will call Life-Lesson Dental -- both because the dentist I saw was very into imparting life lessons, and because I learned a life lesson or two there. I'm protecting the identity of this place by not naming it.

I showed up at 10:30am and filled out one of those long sheets about my health history. Filling those things out always makes me feel lucky. I just check "no," "no," "no" on every box. I never mention the fact that I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation in 2004 and that I used to be on all sorts of medications for depression. Even though It's Kind of a Funny Story is a book and a movie and anyone can find out in 0.02 seconds on Google that I was hospitalized for mental health issues, I never put it on forms and people never check it.

So I handed in my blank form and went to the X-ray room to do X-rays. There were two dental assistants at Life-Lesson Dental, both older ladies, and they were constantly bickering at one another.

"Oh, so YOU'RE giving him the X-rays?"

"Yes, I TOLD you I'm doing this."

"But usually you clear it with ME."

"The doctor's not here, Melissa, could you let me work with this patient?!"

This is not the most reassuring thing to hear at the dentist. Besides, Life-Lesson Dental was shoddy. It needed to be re-grouted.

But I bit my tongue (literally, as the X-rays were being taken) and went into the actual dentist's room where I waited... and waited... and waited. After 45 minutes, the front door opened and I met Dr. Monteblan.

Dr. Monteblan was not his real name, but I think it does a good job of capturing his background -- we was a Mediterranean with an old-world accent who looked like Alfred Molina:

But there were two things about him that stood out most of all:

He had one leg

He had horrible shaking hands, as if he had delirium tremens

Now, the one-leg thing is one thing. Dr. Monteblan used a wheelchair (a very old-school wheelchair) and there's nothing wrong with that. There's no explicit reason why a dentist has to stand on two feet -- they spend most of their time bent over you anyway.

But the shaking hands was another story. If Dr. Monteblan tried to write a straight line on a chalkboard, it would come out as a seismograph.

Still, I was paying for this. I had to see it through. Maybe Dr. Monteblan was a great dentist.

Dr. Monteblan: "So, young man, what is the problem?"

Ned: "I have this tooth that hurts. I'm pretty sure it's this one, which was filled and re-filled by another dentist, but you can poke it with a stick and we'll confirm."

Dr. Monteblan: "'Poke with a stick?' 'Poke with a stick?!' We do not say, 'Poke with a stick.' We say 'Examine.' Obviously you have HATRED OF DENTIST!!"

It just got worse from there. Dr. Monteblan's bedside manner involved yelling at me. He would make me hold up a mirror to my own mouth to see what was going on and then harangue me:

"Please, hold the mirror -- HOLD THE MIRROR!"

"Do you see? You have many incipient cavities! Is incipient cavities everywhere, all over!"

"Open wide. SIR, please, wider! Come on!"

"Sir, you are grinding your teeth, bad. Yes? This is from psychological problem. You have psychological problem, I not know why, but at night you are grinding, grinding..."

"Melissa, I need new gloves! Come ON, are we professional here, or no?"

After about 30 minutes of this, Dr. Monteblan said he had an idea of what to do to fix my teeth, and he pulled out a drill. He was trying to put a bit on the drill (to "buff my filling down"), but his hands were shaking so much that he dropped it on the floor! That's when I stood up.

Ned: "Dr. Monteblan, I'm sorry, I don't want to do any actual work on my teeth today. I need to talk to my wife and I'll call you back."

Dr. Monteblan: "Oh? You will call us back? We have heard this before!"

Ned: "Okay, fine, I want a second opinion, then."

Dr. Monteblan: "A second opinion?... A second opinion? Why don't you GO! You can go to university! Have team of dentists look at you! Get a second opinion, a third opinion, a fifth opinion! You know, you have major psychological problems with the dentist. You are so worried -- it's just your teeth. It's not like you have cancer! It's not like you LOST A LEG!!"

At that point Dr. Monteblan shook his stump at me, and I high-tailed it out of his office.

The funny thing was, I was in a terrible mood when I went to the dentist (I was depressed about something stupid that I won't get into), but when I left, I felt great. I didn't know that episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm could just drop into your life. I felt alive, free. I had escaped with my life!

I told this story to Ken Baumann, and he told me to check in with his friend who goes to one of the best dentists in LA, the one who does Zach Galifianakis' teeth.

I asked. That dentist doesn't take insurance.

The First Thing I Ever Wrote -- A Comic-Con Adventure

ned_vizzini — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 09:06:10 GMT

I usually tell people that my first piece of writing was the essay "Horrible Mention" which appears in Teen Angst? Naaah...:

I wrote "Horrible Mention" when I was 15; it was printed in New York Press in May 1996. I remember the moment I saw it. I was in a pizza place by Stuyvesant High School and I looked at my name in print and had an out-of-body experience. I felt a whirlwind of pride and fear and shame: pride that I had done something, fear that I would never do it again, and shame that I didn't deserve it.

Now, when people ask, "What is it like to publish a book?" or "What was it like to have your book become a movie?" I tell them that the real thrills all happened in 1996, in that pizza place.

But that's not entirely true.

Because there was a precursor to "Horrible Mention."

There was my letter in Marc Spector: Moon Knight #36:

March, 1992

Moon Knight isn't the best-known Marvel hero -- if they ever make a movie I'll be shocked -- but he has a persistent intellectual fanbase. Writers Gregg Hurwitz (the TV series V) and Brian Michael Bendis (Ultimate Spider-Man, Daredevil) recently tried to resurrect him; I bet they, like me, read him a kid and thought there was something special about an ex-mercenary who beats up criminals because he thinks he's an avatar of the Egyptian moon god.

Moon Knight isn't like other Marvel heroes. Other heroes talk all the time. Moon Knight spends most of his time thinking in abstract riddles, with quotes from Lord Byron and Tennyson thrown in, and when he does talk, it's to say important things like: "I'm. On. Fire!!"

His avant-garde proclivities are best serviced by the "Scarlet Redemption" storyline, a which ran in Marc Spector: Moon Knight #26-31 in 1991, and which I think beats Watchmen for sheer compositional chutzpah:

Plus, you can't top the covers.

And... it was sexy!

So I felt compelled as an 11-year-old to write a letter to Moon Knight. They published it! Somehow, in ensuing years, I forgot what it was like to read that letter and see my name in print. Maybe I didn't think about it because it was a simpler sort of accomplishment. Writing letters to the editor doesn't involve fear or shame -- just joy.

So after talking about this Moon Knight letter at the House of Secrets launch talk I did with Chris Columbus at New York Comic Con --

-- I decided to try to track it down.

* * *

It's not easy to find issues of Moon Knight from the early 90s. That was the Glut Age of comics, when we all bought five editions of the same issue with collectible covers and stored them in plastic cases, so they never appreciated in value. The Moon Knights I paid $1.50 for in 1991 are worth $1.00 now.

I finally found a booth that had "Scarlet Redemption" and started going through the issues. I would look at the letters page of each comic; when I didn't see my name, I bought it anyway. The arc really held up and each issue was so cheap. But where was my letter?

It wasn't in issue #32, #33, or #34. It wasn't in #35. "Scarlet Redemption" was what my letter was about, so if it didn't appear during or after that storyline, maybe it never existed at all. Maybe I just dreamed it, like a few other childhood accomplishments I wanted to claim.

What's worse, Comic Con was closing!

"You have five minutes before you must leave the building. Five minutes to leave the building."

I opened Moon Knight #36 in mad-squirrel desperation -- and there it was:

I ran up to the guy who owned the booth. I showed him my name on the letter and then I showed him my book:

"See? I write books now, but this letter was the first thing I ever wrote!"

He smiled at me.

"You keep that, buddy. That one's yours. On the house."

Events for THE OTHER NORMALS

ned_vizzini — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 20:43:27 GMT

Thanks everyone who has stepped up and bought my new book The Other Normals!

Here are my scheduled events for October. I hope to see you this month!

Completed events:

LA Teen Author Reading Night
- when: ~~Thursday, 10/25/12~~ done!
- Thank you Cecil Castellucci for having me at this great event!

Weekend Reading: The Other Normals at Mysterious Galaxy Redondo Beach!
- when: ~~Saturday, 10/20/12~~ done!
- Thank you Mysterious Galaxy!

Goodreads Live Video Chat with Ned Vizzini
- when: ~~Saturday, 10/6/12~~ done!
- Thank you everyone for making this event a success! 155 people attended and there was a spike in Other Normals activity during and after the event!

The Other Normals at Los Angeles' Renowned Book Soup
- when: ~~Wednesday, 10/10/12~~ done!
- Thank you everyone who came! What a fun night!

THE OTHER NORMALS in-booth signing at New York Comic Con
- when: ~~Saturday, 10/13/12~~ done!
- Thank you everyone for making Comic Con spectacular!

Thank you for your support and I hope to see you soon!

The Other Normals: Choose Your Venture

ned_vizzini — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 08:49:43 GMT

I have a new book out called The Other Normals!

Well, it's not technically out yet, not as I write this, but it will be out in a week, so I'm starting to just consider it out and deal with the consequences. It's like turning 29. It's best just to assume that you're 30 and move on.

I have three giveaways I'm doing for the book that involve prizes for YOU:

#TheOtherNormals Camp Mortification Hashtag Contest

The Other Normals is about summer camp (as well as swords -- and growing up) and it's based in part on my summer camp experience. I had some bad times in summer camp and have horrible stories like this one:

But I know I'm not the only one. So for this contest:
1. Tweet your most mortifying summer camp memory @ned_vizzini and tag it #TheOtherNormals (the memory can be in the form of a picture, a vlog, a tweet, a blog, etc.)
2. The 10 best (worst) memories will get a SIGNED HARDCOVER of The Other Normals with a personal response to your memory from me.
Good luck!

The Other Normals Choose Your Own Adventure Twitter Game

Kaitlin Pike has created an amazing Other Normals Twitter Game that plays like the old Choose Your Own Adventure books!

Here's how it works:
1. Tweet "@OthrNrml start" to start playing.
2. The game will interact with you through your "@ Connect" tab. Follow the prompts.
3. As with life, most paths end in death! But if you manage to beat the game, take a screenshot and tell me and you will get a FREE SIGNED BOOK.
Credit for the coding of the game goes to:

Kaitlin Pike
@kcpike
http://kcpike.com/

She wrote about its construction here. Good luck!

The Just-Tweet-"#TheOtherNormals" And-I'll-Send-You-A-Bookmark Contest

Just send out a tweet tagged #TheOtherNormals and then tell me about it (through Twitter, Facebook, or my contact page) and I will send you a free signed handsome Other Normals bookmark:

Quantities are somewhat limited. My time is very limited because I am going to Hawaii for the filming of Last Resort, the new show in ABC that I am writing for! But I will get your your bookmark.

When It's Kind of a Funny Story came out, I started signing it "Rock on, be strong" because I thought it sounded mellifluous.

I'm signing The Other Normals "Choose your venture." Because I've been lucky enough to choose mine, and I don't think I'm particularly smart or worthy.

Enjoy the book!

The Other Normals / Beyond The Wall Banner Giveaway Contest

ned_vizzini — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 03:59:21 GMT

UPDATE: I am out of book prizes for this contest! The prize for this contest is now a handsome signed Other Normals bookmark.

Okay so we are ~~a month~~ two weeks away from the release of my next book The Other Normals!

I am running a contest to promote the book.

Call it the Other Normals / Beyond the Wall Banner Giveaway Contest (because that's easy to say). To enter:

Take this gif banner code and put it anywhere on your blog:
<a href="http://nedvizzini.com/writing/#ton"><img src="http://nedvizzini.com/images/banners/Other_Normals_300x250.gif"></a>

Comment on this blog entry with a link to the blog where you put the banner

You will win a signed copy of Beyond The Wall, the anthology I contributed to about the Game of Thrones books:

...But it'll look even better than that, because I will personalize it for you and spell your name right and everything.
- Copies are limited so please enter now to guarantee your prize!
- As always with these things, I pay shipping because I'm like that.

Thanks for entering! There's lots of other stuff going on but I'm not going to be able to talk about it until next month because book promo waits for no human.

When Did You Last Fear for Your Life?

ned_vizzini — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 04:22:53 GMT

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for making Comic-Con such a success this year!

And now... The Sullivan Canyon Bike Path Story

A few months ago, my wife was getting her hair cut and I was watching our baby. In the salon they had magazines, and one of them was Los Angeles's "Bike" issue. "Well," I thought, "as a person who lives in LA and rides a bike, this is perfect."

The magazine had suggested journeys for different skill levels. I eyed "Mandeville Fire Road" for "Intermediate" (because obviously I'm not "Beginner"). I asked the lady at the salon if I could rip it out of the magazine.

"Of course you can," she said. "Nobody ever asks."

Whenever I rip things out of magazines I feel compelled to follow up on them. So the Fire Road clipping stayed tacked in my office, taunting me, as I got a new job on the amazing show Last Resort (coming to ABC this fall!) with offices that are too far from my house to bike to.

On July 1, I decided to do it.

I didn't care that I hadn't been on a bike in two months. I didn't care that the trail was "Intermediate." I didn't care that it was 82 degrees. I didn't care that I forgot to bring water.

I immediately made a wrong turn. Instead of Mandeville Fire Road I got on Sullivan Fire Road. Sullivan Fire Road isn't paved. It's a road that the LA Fire Department uses when they need to drive to brush fires. But that's not so bad. What's bad are these tempting paths that branch off from the main road.

I mean, if you're biking on a gravel road, and a trail opens up that looks like it leads to the summit of a mountain, it's tough to stay on the road.

I should've stayed on the road.

Every time I got off it, the trail quickly became a BMX NES exercise. They had mounds of dirt to do tricks off of. I hadn't been on my bike on months, and I didn't have monster-truck tires (although I do have Kevlar tires -- KEVLAR), and I basically was falling down a mountain at 27.9 mph (my GPS says so) in fear of my life. At one point I flew of the bike like Superman. Somehow all I did was get a bug bite.

Here is how my time was allotted on the bike trip:

bicylcing - 33%

walking my bike up hills - 33%

EEEEEEEEEE NOOOOOOOOOO - 34%

I planned on making a 10-mile trip. After five my heart started beating really fast and I had to lie down. I kept thinking about Quentin Tarantino's editor who died of heatstroke in a Hollywood canyon. Or about snapping my ankle and getting eaten by mountain lions. Or about falling into the canyon.

In the end, I lived, and I came out with photos of the trip and a GPS report (elevation loss, 1,418 ft?!). That's the thing about Los Angeles: you have all the comforts of a major metropolitan area, but minutes away is feral, natural death.

What's In Your Head When You Wake Up

ned_vizzini — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 16:10:57 GMT

I had a nightmare about missing an important plane flight and ruining my career as a result. I have these dreams every so often; they're the adult version of the dreams when you show up for history class but you don't have your history project (and you're naked). But this time I woke up with a few lines of poetry in my head:

Maybe someday I'll use that in an epic poem about failure.

In the meantime, thankfully, things in my non-dream-world career are going well. I'm writing for the new ABC drama Last Resort which premieres in fall (Thu. nights, 8pm)!

[click to watch trailer]

If you're interested in following the process as it unfolds, follow the Last Resort writers' room on Twitter.

And my next book The Other Normals comes out on September 25, 2012! If you can't wait, enter this Goodreads contest to get a galley:

Okay, I gotta get to work!

The Story of Jon-Erik Hexum

ned_vizzini — Wed, 16 May 2012 05:04:31 GMT

I love Jerry Bruckheimer's tweets. There are just two topics:

Bruckheimer's 2013 mega-production The Lone Ranger

the LA Kings hockey team (e.g. "GO @LAKings GO!")

Recently, an item from category #1 brought an unexpected conversation into my home, the kind of conversation I love because it introduces me to forgotten culture and makes me go, "Damn!" Here's the tweet:

Of course, that's Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer as Tonto and The Lone Ranger in the forthcoming film. The picture sparked some controversy as to whether Depp is part-Native American, as he claims, but never mind that -- as soon as my wife saw it, she said:

"That guy looks like Jon-Erik Hexum!"

I had never heard of Jon-Erik Hexum, but here he is:

He was the star of a 1982-3 television series called Voyagers! that had basically the same plot as Quantum Leap, except instead of just a guy traveling through time, it was a guy (Hexum playing someone named -- no joke -- "Phineas Bogg") and a kid. Here are the credits:

You look at Hexum in that video, and in pictures like this --

-- and you wonder what happened to him. The guy doesn't just look like Armie Hammer. He looks like Ryan Phillippe. Arnold Schwarzenegger. A big star. Apparently someone said about him:

"If that boy has a single thought in his head, then there is no God."

(Curiously, "someone" is the only credited source for this quote.)

Well, here's what happened to Hexum, excerpted from Findadeath - Celebrity Deaths:

"On the morning of Friday October 12th, 1984, Jon left his home in Burbank, to report to work. Jon was making a show called Cover Up, being filmed at Twentieth Century Fox in Century City. He wasn't earning the big bucks yet.

He arrived on the Fox lot. During the day, he was inevitably to film a scene lying in bed - probably shirtless, on Stage 18. He was playing around with a .44 Magnum prop gun, as you do. At around 5:15 p.m. he put the pistol (according to witnesses, it was loaded with three empty cartridges and two blanks) up to his right temple. Just before he pulled the trigger he smiled, and said, "Let's see if I got myself with this one." He was apparently unaware that at close range, a blank can cause great damage. And damage it was. The explosion drove a quarter-sized piece of his skull far into his brain. Turns out that the blank was packed with paper inside, and it went straight into his temple and made a bone chip lodge in his brain. Killed by paper.

A witness account: "John smiled and pulled the trigger. There was a loud bang and a bright flash, then black smoke. Jon screamed in agony, then looked kind of amazed as he slumped back onto the bed with blood streaming from a severe head wound. It was horrible." [more]

Crazy. Unbelievable. Among the most ridiculous deaths in entertainment, with Clifford Brown and Paul Stojanovich. But at least Hexum isn't forgotten. He has a Fan Club & Archive that plays the theme from Voyagers! when you visit.

And what about that kid who starred with him? His name is Meeno Peluce. He's alive and well. A photographer now, in Los Angeles. Follow him @meenophoto.

Links

Thanks to Figment for posting my picks of some of their best writing:

Thanks to reader Laura Kraft for sending me this kitten video. I have been trying to find this show Too Cute! Kittens on Animal Planet for me and my wife to watch and this will tide us over: "Le Petite Kitten".

I got a message from Sam Mistry of St. Paul, MN this month that was pretty amazing. Sam wrote an essay about how It's Kind of a Funny Story changed his life and won first place in the MN Charter School Essay Contest. Congratulations Sam!

Sam got lots of press for his accomplishment. Here goes:

Until next month. Thanks for reading!

"Game of Thrones" Parenting Lessons + Appearing at LA Times Festival of Books

ned_vizzini — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 01:59:51 GMT

Update 4/21/12: Thanks everyone who came to the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books! I had a great time on the "Page and Screen" panel.

This essay for Salon was a year in the making, believe it or not: when you count contacting the editor, pitching something that doesn't work, drafting the piece, editing, and re-editing, these things often are. So please check out the whole thing. You don't have to know Game of Thrones to like it; one of the fun things about it was that the editor hadn't seen the show, so it appeals to people who haven't.

In other news, there's a lot going on but the thing that I would love for you to keep in mind (please) is that on September 25, 2012, my next book The Other Normals will be published.

There's a Goodreads contest going on now where you can win an advance copy.

Uuuuuuurrh.com

ned_vizzini — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 19:45:45 GMT

Back in 2003, Monroe Mann (author of The Theatrical Juggernaut) told me about a website called Myspace.

He said that it was the next big thing, especially for bands. He said you could post pictures and make connections there, like on Friendster but less terrible.

Friendster in 2012

I forgot all about Myspace for two years, but in 2005 it went supernova. News Corp bought it for $580M. The New York Times asked "Do You Myspace?" If you were online at this time you may remember the sudden flip into inevitability -- Myspace went from being something no one had heard of to something everyone expected you to have, seemingly in an instant.

I joined. I had to. I had a book to promote.

A year later, I faced the same situation with Facebook. What people were calling "the new Myspace" had gone from an Ivy-League status tool to an expected avenue of digital access -- overnight. I was reminded of Jeff Goldbum's iMac ad where he perfectly crystallized the embarassment of admitting, "I don't have an email."

I held off on Facebook as long as I could, telling people I was too successful for it (nice try), but then I had a librarian tell me that her teen clientele was confused by my absence from Facebook. Not curious or surprised: confused. You don't want your potential readers to be confused.

So I joined. I had to. I had a book to promote (even if it was the same book).

I thought I could avoid Twitter. It seemed like a time sink that just aped the funcitonality of Facebook. By not being on it, I could be more productive, more mysterious, less aware of how embarrassingly unpopular I really am... and also get off the treadmill that I recognized by the time of Twitter's rise.

me

As a person who writes books, I know it's vital to connect with my readers. But social networking moves faster than writing. The moment I join a new connection platform, another one takes its place as the one I'm expected to be on. In the next few years, I think it'll be Tumblr, and then maybe Google+ (or maybe not), and then Zibbo.com, and Plinque.com...

And soon enough it will be Uuuuuuurrh.com, where you can post musings direectly from your squip.

Maybe then the treadmill will stop. Until then, I started a Twitter! I'm @ned_vizzini. If you'd like to follow me, I'd be super-grateful. Please don't mistake my complaints about format switching with my humble admiration for the people who let me do what I do.

I had to join, see. I had a book to promote. At least now it's a new book!

Comimg September 25, 2012

Signed Book Giveaways!

ATTENTION: Thanks for the great response. The giveaways are over! If you won a book, I will contact you in the order you commented to see which prize you want. The rest of this entry is for historical purposes only.

In addition to The Other Normals, I have another book coming out this year:

Beyond the Wall is an essay collection from Smart Pop Books and I'm one of the contributors; I have a piece about the genre wars, the history of fantasy, and George R. R. Martin's place in both. If you're a fan of Game Of Thrones you're going to want to pick this up.

I'm looking for blogs and websites to help spread the word about Beyond the Wall. If you know of any, you can score yourself one of the SIGNED goodies below, FREE of charge (AND I pay shipping).

Signed Prize Books

Triumph of The Walking Dead: Robert Kirkman's Zombie Epic on Page and Screen

Smart Pop Anthology I contributed to in November 2011.

Through the Wardrobe: Your Favorite Authors on C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia

Smart Pop Anthology I contributed to in 2008. Two copies available.

Cool - Und was ist mit Liebe?

German edition of Be More Chill, published in paperback in 2006. The literal translation of the title is "Cool -- And What About Love?"

Mi Ammazzo, Per Il Resto Tutto Ok

Italian edition of It's Kind of a Funny Story. The literal translation of the title is somewhat striking: "Kill me, for the Rest Everything's OK".

The Girl Who Was on Fire: Your Favorite Authors on Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games Trilogy

Smart Pop Anthology I contributed to in April 2011, currently burning up on Amazon.

Okay, so the rules are simple: comment on this blog entry with a suggestion of a website to contact about Beyond the Wall, and I'll send you a free signed book of your choice.

It should be a website that could review the book when it comes out in June 2012 or interview me about it, or just plug it and pass the word on about its existence. So I'm looking for Game of Thrones fan sites, but also fantasy geek sites, RPG sites, and maybe even an M:TG site. (Although I can't visit those. They're worse than Twitter.)

Thanks for your help!

Things I'm Glad I Didn't Say to Ron Perlman

ned_vizzini — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:32:13 GMT

Cover reveal: my new book The Other Normals on EW.com!

Things I'm Glad I Didn't Say to Ron Perlman When I Saw Him Walking His Dog in the West Village

"Hellboyyyyyyye!"
- - - -
"Are they making a Hellboy 3?"
- - - -
"Do you want me to throw that baggie away for you?"
- - - -
"Wow, you're smaller in person."
- - - -
"You and David Attenborough are my two biggest man-crushes right now."

- - - -
"I have this thing I've been working on?"
- - - -
"I kind of thought your dog would be bigger."
- - - -
"Are you going to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D? Because you were in that Beauty and the Beast TV show? Remember?"

- - - -
[fist-bump]
- - - -
"Pardon me, do you know where Ground Zero is?"
- - - -
"'Well, like my daddy said right before he killed my mom: if you want anything done right, you gotta do it yourself.' From Blade 2? Remember?"

- - - -
"Oh can my wife please take a picture of us please?"
- - - -
"I love your work."
- - - -
"Do you follow Kurt Sutter's Twitter?"
- - - -
"Love you, man." (I did actually say this.)

The Words of Winter

ned_vizzini — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:06:10 GMT

UPDATE, 1/5/12: House of Secrets announcement in EW!

I love Post-It flags. I admit it. Those skinny little Post-Its for annotating books? I'm terrible. If I see a display like this, my afternoon is over:

Over the years I've gotten some nifty designer ones --

[$10 at Bob's Your Uncle]

-- but I'll use whatever I can get my hands on. I'll even dog-ear pages if there aren't any Post-Its around. If I'm writing a review, I'll flag favorite passages and critical facts. (You'd be surprised how easy it is to finish a novel and be like, "How old was Scout again?") If I'm reading a book for pleasure, because I'm a dad, I limit myself to marking vocabulary words.

Steven King says in On Writing that with vocabulary, a writer should "use the first word that comes to mind, if it is appropriate and colorful" (emphasis his). It's good advice, but some people take it too far and decide they always have to use "said" instead of "scoffed" (or "smiled") and they can never use a Words-With-Friends word such as "ort."

If, like my father, you can pull off ort ("a morsel left at a meal" -- Webster's Third New International Dictionary, Unabridged), you belong to druidic order deserving of great veneration.

One person in this order is George R. R. Martin.

[Arya Stark from A Song of Ice and Fire;
art by Jordan Saia, who is doing the map for The Other Normals]

Martin is the author behind Game of Thrones, for anyone who doesn't know, and I would've had a lot less fun reading his latest A Dance with Dragons if my wife hadn't scored me an online membership to Webster's Unabridged. If you haven't read GRRM, you probably didn't know that English has 65,000 words for horse, including:

garron
Scot & Irish : an old broken-down worn-out horse

destrier
a large powerful horse used as a war-horse by a medieval knight

palfrey
especially : a light easy-gaited horse suitable for a lady

Or you may require polishing-up on your armor knowledge:

greave

armor for the leg below the knee -- usually used in plural

gorget

a piece of armor defending the throat

vambrace

a piece of medieval armor designed to protect the forearm [smoking glance not included]

And then there are the words that only Martin (and Brian Jacques, R.I.P.) could pull off:

mews
plural but usually singular in construction, chiefly Britain : stables

chivvy
to harass, annoy, or tease especially with persistence and by petty vexations and often for a specific purpose

croft
chiefly Britain : a small farmhold usually of 5 to 10 acres that is worked by a tenant

seneschal
a bailiff, steward, or majordomo of a great medieval lord or king representing the lord

torque
a usually metal collar or neck chain worn by the ancient Gauls, Germans, and Britons

limn
to outline in clear sharp detail : delineate

flense
to strip (as a whale or seal) of blubber or skin

Recently GRRM posted an chapter of The Winds of Winter, the next book in his saga, and there was "garron", front and center. Recognizing it made me feel like part of the druidic order too.

But I might need an OED to read Winds of Winter -- Martin is starting to use words that break Webster's Unabridged. From Dance with Dragons, p. 549:

[T]he baggage train followed: mules, horses, oxen, a mile of wayns and carts laden with food...

Okay, I understand what it is in context, but does anyone know what a wayn is? I can't even find it on Google.

Against "Bullying"

ned_vizzini — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 09:25:34 GMT

I love English. It's a fascinating mutant stew, constantly incorporating and breeding new words to keep healthy, and I figured I would never have to advocate against any of them.

But "bullying" has gotten ridiculous.

[New York Daily News, 12-22-11]

When I was a kid, there was no such thing as "bullying." There were "bullies," and they looked like this:

These bullies, who could be found all over TV and film, were brutish teenage villains who made fun of smart teenage heroes. They were easy to spot because they always made fun of the heroes for being themselves -- for being shy, or for liking guys, or for liking girls.

And they didn't stop with words: they hit, spat, and threw things.

Now, when I actually met people in my childhood who made fun of me for being myself (and threw things at me), my brain went, Ah! That's a bully! It was almost as if I'd met them before. And thanks to The Wonder Years, and Louis Sachar's Sideways Stories From Wayside School, and especially George Orwell's "Such, Such Were The Joys", I knew that there were two ways to deal with bullies:

Fight back. Pretend you're in prison and go for the bully's throat to show that you're not scared, to make the bully respect you.

Endure. Pretend that the bully's words and physical attacks aren't getting to you and wait for the bully to forget about you. (This will take at least one year -- and possibly until you graduate whatever institution you're trapped in.)

Generally I endured bullies; occasionally I fought back. But in all my dealings with them, I never thought "I am being bullied" or "I am a victim of bullying." I thought, "This is just like in the stories, and we know who wins in the end."

But as the bullies around me weakened and dispersed in the late 1990s, the term "bullying" grew stronger.

It originated in England, which makes sense if you read "Such, Such Were The Joys," with this book published in 1989:

Still in print today, Bullying in Schools acknowledges the term's coeval obscurity --

"Bullying is the most malicious and malevolent form of deviant behaviour widely practiced in our schools and yet it has received only scant attention from national and local authorities."

-- and posits that prior research was limited to Scandinavia:

"The Scandinavian research tradition can be dated back to 1969 when a Swedish doctor of medicine wrote a semi-popular article about a phenomenon which he named 'mobbing' (Heinemann, 1969)... He describes the phenomenon [as] violence directed against an individual who has disturbed the group's ordinary activities."

The book goes on to set the foundation for bullying as we know it today. In 1992, the term appears in the international journal Disability & Society; for much of the decade it is recognized as a workplace issue, with books such as Bullying in Sight (1996) offering ways to combat "Flame mail, bullying by e-mail, 'spamming'... and 'cyberstalking'".

But in the 2000s, as the children of Gen X hit school, bullying takes off as pop psychology, and now it's everywhere.

Now parents can get scared of it on "20/20" and "ABC News." Now kids can watch black belts teach them how to deal with it in "Bully 911". Now you can engage in Girl Wars and Bullyproof Your Child For Life. (Do you want to? Really? How do you expect them to deal with life if they can't deal with Wayne?)

I can't help but wonder how the bullies feel about all this -- they might feel great, or they might feel a little ripped off, because they're robbing people for chump change while the bullying experts get to appear on TV.

I understand that cyberbullying is a new phenomenon and needs to be addressed -- but cyberbullying doesn't feel like bullying to me. It feels closer to slander, with its ability to instantly reach millions of people and leave a stain forever. As such it should be dealt with in court -- and it is.

The way to deal with bullying is simpler:

Teach every student in America about 1-800-SUICIDE.

It's run by The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline; it's national; it's been used 5 million times; it's an easy number to remember. Kids should be taught it as a basic: "If you see someone really hurt, call 911; if you feel like you want to really hurt yourself, call 1-800-SUICIDE." Every time I read about Tyler Clementi typing "Jumping off the gw bridge sorry" on his Facebook wall I wonder, why didn't he call the hotline?

Then again, maybe he didn't like to use the phone. So it's good that Facebook has this new feature that lets you chat with a counselor if you post something that a friend flags as "harmful behavior → self-harm".

I know this is a sensitive issue, because people who run afoul of bullies sometimes kill themselves, but ultimately, suicide is a decision made by the person who takes his or her own life. We can't possibly protect all the nice, smart heroes of the world from what the bullies do. If you're any kind of decent human being, growing up you will be ridiculed for what you are and what you aren't. You will be called gay; you will be called stupid; you will be called ugly; you will have your racial heritage mocked. There's no way around it. If it gets bad, call the hotline.

We don't need to make the bullies any more powerful by giving them a noun.

Flowers Keep Clinging to My Head

ned_vizzini — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 15:27:58 GMT


August 31, 2011

October 26, 2011

October 29, 2011

These blue blossoms they have in LA are really tenacious. Does anyone else have this problem? Meanwhile, in more serious news:

"Goodreads | Book giveaway for Triumph of The Walking Dead: Robert Kirkman's Zombie Epic on Page and Screen by James Lowder Oct 28-Nov 15, 2011"

The anthology I contributed to about The Walking Dead is now in stores! And if you feel lucky, you can attempt to win it as part of this Goodreads contest:

The book is also available at Amazon and B&N. Enjoy it. My essay is about Ayn Rand and zombies.

"Patrice Evans’s ‘Negropedia’ Sorts Out the Racial Landscape - The Daily Beast"

A new article written by me! All about Patrice Evans and his excellent first book:

"Shortly after President Obama’s inauguration, I saw a television commercial for Popeyes starring its new spokeswoman Annie the Chicken Queen. I thought perhaps I was watching Saturday Night Live..." [more]

"IKOAFS Art Made By Readers and Fans of the Film - a set on Flickr"

I continue to be impressed with the talent of people who make book- and film-related art:

Keep it coming. If you get the art to me, I will put it in the Flickr set, as the "reader artwork" section of the website is getting full!

There's a lot more going on these days but nothing I can talk about quite yet, so stay tuned!

My Castle of...

ned_vizzini — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 08:44:01 GMT

UPDATE 10/20/11: it's a good feeling to give a book a rave review. From The L Magazine.

Earlier this year I was driving late at night in New York City (the best time) and I put on the radio and heard static. But this wasn't normal static, this was the static of a band called Darvulia--

--who create some of the "Black metal, dark hardcore, modern "noise," occult-kosmische electronics, soundtracks, and horrorscapes™" on the My Castle of Quiet radio show.

I listened, stunned, for about 20 minutes and then picked up over the internet when I came back to CA. The show is hosted by Wm. Berger, who starts every program by playing the theme to the 1979 horror film Zombie, but sometimes gets impatient and skips through the CD so you hear it digitally sped-up before he takes the mic and complains about cassette tapes, the word "kvlt", and how far he has to go into Queens to see bands like Decimus.

The appeal of the music is that it contains such wretched bursts of noise that listening to three hours of it is a challenge, but always rewarded by the horror movie trailers and experimental quiet pieces. After listening for three weeks, I even considered getting a turntable so I could listen to black metal on vinyl --

-- but my wife and I have an infant in the house and this would not be a good influence. Our jack-o-lantern, which Sabra has named the "Jack-O-Wolf," is scary enough.

Jack-O-Wolf 2011

Anyway, My Castle of Quiet is asking for money this month!

Now I'm going to basically have to give some money.

Uncle Tumba Issue #1 Sale
Speaking of giving money, I am selling issues of my Uncle Tumba comic at a SPECIALLY DISCOUNTED RATE FOR HALLOWEEN 2011 (which according to Etsy will last until February 2012):

$1.00

At this special price I can ship for free but only to the US. 9 copies remaining.

Uncle Tumba is featured in my essay "Forced March" in Teen Angst? Naaah....

I Love Bad Movies
I do. Now that I work in Hollywood it's difficult for me to name them, but sometimes a bad movie can have one or two great ideas in it that good movies rarely approach.

Steven Seagal, Out for Justice - Gino vs Richie (Finale)

But I also love I Love Bad Movies, the zine that I contributed to with a piece on Attack of the Clones. Featuring essays on films as diverse as Demolition Man and The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, the series consistently delivers.

$5.00

"The Alliance for Young Artists & Writers » Ask a Writer: Self-publishing & Choosing a Cover"

I answer a question about how book covers are chosen.

"Children's Literature at Cambridge: Twenty-first century implications for the implied author"

Be More Chill has never before been accorded the honor of epitextual (meaning auto-critical) analysis.

Today's Reader Email #1
From Kat, Shelby & JuJu in Tampa, FL:

Dear Ned Vizzini,

We are 13 years old and we are huge fans of your books. It's Kind of a Funny Story is still by far one of the best books that you have written.

In fact, you were one of the many authors that inspired us to start writing a book ourselves. We have written almost 20 chapters so far and have settled on the title Sisters of the Dawn. We would like to ask for you to take a look at our site. It can be found at fighting4dawn.weebly.com. If you read it, please give us your honest opinion, whether it is good or bad.

Okay so I checked out this site. It is a series of short stories written by different narrators (each handled by a different writer). First I clicked on the preface. This is the preface:

"It is time."

See! That's good writing. Concise!

Today's Reader Email #2
From Jenni in Morris, MN:

I'm hoping that I am among the first lucky five to contact you via any means necessary in order to buy this miracle demo tape of yours.

The demo speak that Jenni speaks of is Crap (And Lots Of It), the casette recorded by my short-lived band Wormwhole in 1994 and never played on My Castle of Quiet. The demo has been posted on YouTube and you can enjoy it there for free!
Today's Reader Email #3
From Blake in Litchfield, IL:

I read Its Kind of a Funny Story and watched the movie. I loved it and cant get enough of it. I was wondering if you were planning on making a sequel or an expansion. That would be super awesome.

That's an interesting idea and honestly a new one on me -- an expansion to a book. Not a sequel, an expansion. I'm sort of wondering how a book can be expanded. I guess besides turning into a movie it could become a video game. But honestly I don't think I can make an IKOAFS sequel or expand it any more than it already is bloated by my web site.

As always, thank you very much for your correspondence and godspeed into the digital aether.

Reality, Teen Wolf, and Reader Email

ned_vizzini — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 06:41:55 GMT

One of the great things about reality TV is that you don't need to watch it to understand it. I've only seen five minutes of "Jersey Shore" and that was enough to enjoy "Jersey Shoresical", the rock opera by Daniel Franzese & Hanna LoPatin that had its New York run extended following the Fringe Festival. Similarly, "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" doesn't even need to be Googled to be understood -- so I was surprised this month when it became a voice for suicide prevention.

The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Review | TV Reviews and News | EW.com

Real househusband Russel Armstrong, who I remember looking freaked out, like he wanted to be alone, in a Vegas clip in season 1, killed himself in August. Producers cut him out of the currently airing season 2 and are airing suicide-prevention public service announcements during the show's commercial breaks on Bravo.

The result is a surprising victory for mental health. While only one anti-suicide PSA runs per "Real Housewives" episode, it's this rousing "We've Been There" spot sponsored by National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

That's lot better than showing a depressed person staring out a window, or having a cloud over his or her head, or suddenly tending a greenhouse. The post-suicide "Housewives" roundtable was also better than expected: one husband admitted that he sometimes feels suicide is "a very selfish act," an opinion I wouldn't expect to make it to TV.

I came to "Real Housewives" expecting Armstrong to suffer the double indignity of killing himself in public and then being erased from the show that stressed him out enough to make him kill himself. Instead it turns out he was a profligate abuser who might've ended up dead whether he was on TV or not, but whose act is raising awareness for everyone who faces the same choice.

And the best part is, to understand this, I only had to watch half an episode.

In non-reality related television news, I am writing for season 2 of MTV's "Teen Wolf"! I'm very very excited about this. I loved season 1. But one complication is that I can no longer wear my "Teen Wolf" t-shirt:

See, If I wear this shirt I'm kind of like the guy who wears a Weezer shirt to a Weezer concert, but worse. So I'm giving it away. Please note that it is signed by the cast (at Comic-Con 2011, where I wore it proudly):

So, if you want it, please comment on this blog entry. The first person to comment and claim it will get the shirt. I'll be in touch to get your mailing address. Good luck!

Ned & Sabra at the Voice Awards | Flickr - Photo Sharing!

The Voice Awards, Paramount Studios, Los Angeles, 8/24/11. My wife is awesome.

The Alliance for Young Artists & Writers » Submitting a Cover or Query Letter

As part of the "Ask Ned" feature, I answer a question about cover vs. query letters.

The World Premiere of Kabulitis by Keith Anwar at Chicago's Polarity Ensemble Theatre

Post-high school, I played with a band called The New Mexikans. (Gabriel Marin, ex-Mexikan, is now with Consider the Source, who tour internationally.) That's me on the right:

And on the far left is Brian Anwar, who sang and who's a damn good writer. His father, Keith Anwar, is having his play performed in Chicago this fall:

"Keith had time to do a final rewrite of the script after the Festival, and then a sudden and aggressive liver cancer took his life. Keith was a talented and generous man, and his play stands as testament to the depth of his soul. We miss him terribly. Kabulitis gives us an intimate look into the life of an American woman married to an Afghani man." [more]

If you live in the area, go see it! R.I.P. Keith and hey Brian.

Today's Reader Email (Expanded Edition)

I have some reader email backed up, so I'm answering in one fell swoop! That doesn't mean I don't appreciate it.
1. From Nicholas in Lake Forest, CA:
  
  what do you think would be the best way to promote your books at my school? I don’t know anyone who read them besides my brother and sister, and I want others to read them too (although Be More Chill does have some things that some people at my school might not be mature enough for [Middle school]), because I would like you to visit my school but I don’t think it’s worth your time to visit a school where no one knows who you are.
  
  The best way to promote a book is still to tell people about it, face to face, over a hot beverage.
  
  If I can get anyone to read your books would you be willing to come out to orange county (southern California) to just talk about yourself?
  
  I live in Southern California and I would be happy to come and speak at your school about turning personal experience into writing. To book me at your middle school, send your teacher here.
  
  Your new book is called The Other Normals? I found something saying that, but I can’t find it now. Also, where can I find out what it’s about?
  
  Yes, the new book is called The Other Normals. It comes out in fall 2012 and all publicly releasable information about it is here!
2. From to Patrick in Linwood, NJ:
  
  I finished your book It's Kind of a Funny Story this summer, and I was just curious of the reason why Bobby was in Six North. I also watched the film version of your novel, which tells of Bobby's issues with suicide. However, I do not remember Bobby have that problem in your book. I thought he had problems with drugs. I recall him saying that him and Johny were "garbage-heads". So, why exactly was Bobby in Six North?
  
  In the IKOAFS book, Bobby and Johnny are a pair, and they are both in the hospital because of past history as "garbage-heads" as you observed. In the film, Bobby is a bigger character, and he's there because of his suicide attempts. I based Bobby off the guy who gave me a tour when I entered the hospital, who really did wear a "Marvin the Martian" sweatshirt. I never knew what he was in for.
3. From Stephanie in Chile:
  
  I wondering if your books (specially It's Kind of a Funny Story) were translated into Spanish, I don't speak English and is so hard for me to read it. I hope you understand this message, my grammar is not good.
  
  Stephanie your grammar is fine. Unfortunately none of my books are currently available in Spanish. I am working to correct this. Stay tuned in Chile.
4. From Elizabeth in Arvada, CO:
  
  I am so intrigued by your characters, especially Noelle and Craig. How did you come up with [these] characters?
  
  Craig is based on me. I took an experience that I had when I was 23 and gave it to a 15-year-old. Noelle is just a made-up person. I gave her the traits that I wanted to discover, but did not, in girls I knew in high school. Then I added scars.
  
  What inspired you to write as a suicidal teenager?
  
  I didn't write IKOAFS when I was a teenager; I wrote it in my 20s. What inspired me to write it was fear and desperation.
  
  Oh - and the song in the movie, when Craig is drawing the maps? I loved it... Even though you probably had nothing to do with choosing it.
  
  The song is "Intro" by The xx and I had nothing to do with choosing it. You can learn more the IKOAFS soundtrack here.
  
  I would really appreciate it if you wrote me back, helping me with the how-to's of character development and plot line.
  
  The most basic thing is to love your characters. You have to love them or no one else will. Once you have characters that you love, try to put them in a love triangle. I have more writing advice here.
5. From Anthony in Elvira, OH:
  
  I know you might not do this kind of thing but could I get your autograph?
  
  Yes, you can have my autograph. The easiest way to do it is to send me a book to sign. If you're light on postage you can just send me a self-addressed stamped envelope and I'll send you a signed bookplate.
6. Corey from an undisclosed location:
  
  Interested to know how you felt about The Walking Dead as I saw that you're in some book about it.
  
  I do indeed have an essay in the upcoming book Triumph of The Walking Dead: Robert Kirkman's Zombie Epic on Page and Screen:
  
  My essay is about Rick Grimes and Ayn Rand so it's sure to rouse some opinions. I love the comic and I am very interested to see what kind of numbers season 2 of the show pulls.
7. Samantha from Pullman, WA:
  
  How might I come into possession of a German translated copy of "It's Kind of a Funny Story"? I'm learning the language, and I figure if English books have expanded my vocabulary, why not try the same in German?
  
  I do have one copy of IKOAFS in German, but it's one of the few books I like to keep around the house because it looks impressive:
  
  So I can't send it to you. But you can purchase it from Amazon.de!

Thanks for reading. Happy fall, everyone.

Fading Away

ned_vizzini — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 20:27:08 GMT

Nevermind's 20th anniversary on September 21, 2011 means that a lot of people are going to be writing about Nirvana. They should be writing about Devo.

[Devo in Anaheim, 8/5/11]

Nirvana covered Devo's "Turnaround" in concert and at a BBC radio session. Kurt Cobain said it was Devo's best song. It's certainly a great song. But Devo has better ones -- and some of them are on an album they put out last year.

[Pitchfork: Album Reviews: Devo: Something For Everybody]

Something For Everybody was the greatest release of 2010. (The only album better was East Bay Grease's full-length, which wasn't released until this year on two separate albums.) After a 20-year haitus, during which time Mark Mothersbaugh made the theme to "Rugrats", the post-punks from Akron came back with a slab of electropop powered by Josh Freese (Nine Inch Nails) that dared to celebrate the sameness of everyday life and growing old.

I saw Devo in concert in Orange County in August. I was one of the younger people in the crowd. (I'm 30.) Devo was selling their hats from the "Whip It" video in red and blue varieties (marketed as "energy domes"). People sported the vintage red ones and new blue ones in equal amounts. About 5% of the crowd was under 25.

Devo ripped through all the songs that I fell in love with on their Greatest Hits album from1990. By the end of the night my wife and I heard "Jocko Homo," "Girl U Want," and "Whip It," as well as three choice new cuts. (Complete setlist here.)

[Devo in Anaheim, 8/5/11]

When I left the concert, I wondered what Nirvana would think of it. Kurt famously plagiarized Neil Young's "It's better to burn out than to fade away" for his suicide note, but all these notions of youth and rock music go back to The Who's "I hope I die before I get old." In Devo, I saw people who I'm glad didn't die.

Mark Mothersbaugh blinked once during the entire concert. He jumped in the crowd. He put on a mask and sang in falsetto as "Booji Boy." He stuck Doritos in his pants and threw them at the audience ("Freedom of Choice"). He didn't look like someone who had faded away. He looked like someone who had gotten away -- with the last laugh.

"Ned Vizzini & ‘The Girl Who Was On Fire’ At Comic-Con - Hunger Games"

Thanks to HungerGamesMovie.org for posting about my signing at Comic-Con this year!

Today's Reader Email

Today's reader mail comes from Mīkė (that's right) in Tampa, FL.

Will there be your other two books besides "it's kind of a funny story" on iBooks soon?

Mīkė, I wish I could tell you when Be More Chill and Teen Angst? Naaah... will be available on assorted e-book formats. However, I have no control over this. The best I can do is pester people and tell them that people like you are looking for the books and hope that they make the call. So I'm going to do that now! Thanks for your support.

A small note: since mid-2008, this blog has been bi-monthly. Starting this month I'm going monthly because of the many projects I'm involved with, not the least of which is my son Felix. So this will be the only entry for August and the next will come in September. If you have problems, talk to Felix.

Geek Nirvana

ned_vizzini — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 00:45:13 GMT

"Catcher in the Rye 60th Birthday: Where Are the New Holden Caulfields? - The Daily Beast"

An essay of mine. Enjoy!

"HOTTER IN HOLLYWOOD: HOT GEEKS"

Featuring all my posts about Comic-Con 2011, including this one:

THE HUNKS & BABES OF COMIC-CON 2011 - HOTTER IN HOLLYWOOD

This was my first year at Comic-Con. It's geek nirvana. The best thing about it is that if you wait in line, you will be treated well. You don't have to know anyone; you don't have to have an "in"; as long as you plan and get in line, you will meet the people you want to meet.

And while you're on line, you'll have a great conversation.

Today's Reader Email

Today's reader mail comes from Kaleia in Anthem, AZ.

Regarding your squip campaign for Be More Chill, I was wondering why the campaign was shut down and all of the websites were deleted. I've been searching for them because this is something that truly fascinates me. So... any insight?

Kaleia, great question. For those who don't know, the squip campaign was an immersive viral marketing art project coordinated by me and Adam Collett in 2004-2005 to make it seem like the squip -- the pill that makes you cool in Be More Chill -- was a real product you could buy.

We invented 30 websites and flooded Google. If you Googled "squip," you found yourself in this strange web of sites from an alternate universe: GetSquip.com, squippersagainstsquips.org, and my personal favorite, "Celebrity Squip".

These sites do not exist anymore. They may be on the Wayback Machine. The campaign is best encapsulated by this video:

The Squip Video
(only for the truly awesome)

Why were the sites shut down? Because I was very depressed and unstable in my life and I could not keep up with the personal and legal demands of managing an imaginary universe.

I'm sorry if you miss the squip campaign, but the glory of it is captured in that video, and some of the original squippers are still on "The Nedboards".

In terms of whether or not there will ever be another squip campaign, I defer to Josh Homme (of Queens of the Stone Age) on a possible reunion of his old band Kyuss:

"The offers come in all the time. They're getting more and more expensive, and more and more elaborate. The money is crazy, but I've never been tempted - I don't really care about the money, I never have.... It's not what it was, it's what it is, and Kyuss was a really magical thing and if you weren't there, well, you weren't. That's just the luck of the draw." [more]

But that doesn't mean I didn't love it.

The Triumph of Trade Shows + 7 Links

ned_vizzini — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 18:15:12 GMT

Give Us Money: "The Dried Tomato"

A new story from the Barnes & Noble Teen Writing Workshop is up on our online literary journal, Give Us Money. If you are interested in seeing your own work in the journal, come to the next B&N Workshop on July 29th at 5pm, in Brooklyn, NY (run by Sarah MacLean) or Glendale, CA (run by me).

Don Calame's top 10 funny teen boy books | Children's books | guardian.co.uk

Thanks very much to author Don Calame for selecting Be More Chill as the #7 funny teen boy book in The Guardian. This almost makes up for The Guardian calling the It's Kind of a Funny Story film "kind of a rubbish story."

Junk Talk Interview with Ned Vizzini, author of It’s Kind of a Funny Story « Junk Talk

Junk Talk interviews me about my recently rediscovered DIY high-school comic, Uncle Tumba, which is now available on Etsy for the low, low price of $2 with free shipping!

Exercise for Depression

Courtesy my mother, this is an overview of the benefits of exercise versus medication for treating depression. Anyone who's ever been depressed knows that exercise is a good thing (the problem is that it's hard to motivate yourself when you want to die), but this piece was striking because of the study discussed:

"Consider a case-crossover study published in the March 15, 2011, issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry. It examined 24,214 patients who had suffered a stroke to see whether there was a relationship between prior antidepressant use and the development of stroke. Antidepressant use in the two weeks before the stroke was associated with a 48 percent higher stroke risk." [more]

Almost 25,000 patients! That's a sizeable study. Do antidepressants cause strokes? I'm not sure, but a lot of influential studies on mental health involve hundreds or even dozens of patients. I wonder who sponsored this study; considering that it came down against antidepressants it can't have been the pharmaceutical industry (and I don't think the exercise industry is that organized or rich), so my inclination is to trust it.

Tell & Sell Your Story
If you missed the chance to come to Austin, TX for South By Southwest on March 12, 2011, you're in luck. Complete audio from my SXSW panel, "Tell & Sell Your Story", is now available here:

Today's Reader Email

Today's reader mail comes from Nick in Waco, TX.

Hello
I have a strong appreciation for your writing, and I was interested to know if you write with any sort of outline while you're working on a book. If so, how much time do you tend to put in to them? I've always thought outlines seemed awfully daunting.

Nick, I have not outlined any of my books. My policy is just to start writing and see where the characters go. This is why it's important to come up with great characters. (I talk about how to come up with characters here.)

It sounds like a cliche, but if you come up with good enough characters, the characters will sort of dictate the plot to you because they will want to do things with (and to) one another that are blessedly beyond your control as a writer.

That said, I do have a general idea where a book is going when I start it. I knew that Be More Chill was going to be about a kid who got a pill that made him cool before I invented Jeremy Heere and the other characters and set them loose.

Also, when I work on TV and film projects with my writing partner Nick Antosca out here in Los Angeles, we outline everything. I think that's because teleplays and screenplays are more structured than novels.

Outlines can be very helpful for writing projects and there are many novelists who do use them. But if you find them daunting, don't bother with them. Just dive in and hack.

UNCLE TUMBA is Here! + WSJ Response + L Mag Review + Žižek + YA Visions + BMC in Arabic?

ned_vizzini — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 00:53:51 GMT

Readers of Teen Angst? Naaah... may recall the essay "Forced March," about my college application process, in which I tried to sell a comic called Uncle Tumba to my Harvard interviewers. Uncle Tumba was a fully independent high school effort undertaken by me and illustrator Adam Pare; the hero was based on Uncle Tompa, "The Legendary Rascal of Tibet":

Uncle Tompa (13th Century)

Uncle Tumba (1998-1999)

Now, after more than 12 years, Uncle Tumba is availble at my Etsy store.

Each issue is $3 $2. Each issue is signed by me (automatically) and personalized (by request). Quantities are limited so act now. PARENTAL ADVISORY: Uncle Tumba is pretty dirty. But our cat loves them:

[buy Uncle Tumba now!]

"LA Review of Books Blog: Rock and Roll (Ned Vizzini)"

Watching the Wall Street Journal condemn YA literature and spawn a Twitter movement last week sure was fun. But even more fun was getting to respond to it in a short piece for the LA Review of Books.

"Straight Edge, Winding Story: Ten Thousand Saints | Books | The L Magazine - New York City's Local Event and Arts & Culture Guide"

My latest book review:

"YouTube - Living in the End Times According to Slavoj Zizek"

I was introduced to Žižek via his concise views on vegetarianism. He's an insightful Slovenian philosopher with the best accent this side of Werner Herzog. Ken Baumann sent me this video where Žižek explains (among many other things) the relationship between image and reality today. He expresses a sentiment almost identical to what Andy Warhol said about his own image:

"If you want to know all about Andy Warhol, just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there I am. There's nothing behind it." [more]

People still reference Warhol's "15 minutes of fame" quote but he was over that almost before he said it. His lesser-known pronouncements are increasingly relevant to the internet age. Dream panel:

IKOAFS Interview on YA Visions

David Eng, who interviewed me for the New Jersey-based cable show YA Visions back in 2005, sat down with me again to discuss the It's Kind of a Funny Story book-to-film process. The result is this interview. (Search for "vizzini" and click "YA Visions: Show 37;" the segment starts around 12:50.) Thank you David!

Today's Reader Email

Today's reader mail comes from Saad Eddine Skakri in Kenitra, Morocco.

Hello
i just wondered when i was exploring your site : why there isn't an ARABIC copy "translation" of Be More Chill, There is even a Hebrew one !!

Saad Eddine, there is indeed a Hebrew translation of Be More Chill and no Arabic version. The reason is that each time a book gets translated into another language, it needs a new publisher. The new publisher has to translate it, package it, print it, and market it.

That takes time and money -- and many book markets are surprisingly small. A publisher will only take on a foreign-language book if they're certain that they'll be able to sell a few thousand copies. Many American books don't sell a few thousand copies even in America!

So for Be More Chill to get translated into Arabic, an Arabic publisher would need to be sold on the idea. If you know any Arabic publishers, please get them in touch with my literary representation (contact info here) and tell them that you can personally guarantee that the book will sell thousand of copies... and maybe they'll listen.

Until then you might have to learn Hebrew -- although your English looks good too.