You can watch the video there to the right--or click here if you're in a feedreader--to get the details and my explanation for what's occurring now. Or you can get the gist right here:

The survey that we conducted a couple of weeks back--the one I said was important, remember?--helped us to make some decisions about the future of Needcoffee. And based on your input, we have figured out a way to accomplish the top two things you wanted: more content and less ads. So we are offering up Needcoffee.com memberships (think PBS--but coffee mugs instead of totebags--you're welcome) that will fund us getting the time and resources to create that content and also to do so with no ads. So if we hit our funding goal, the content ramps up and the ads go away.

We will become the World's 1st 100% Reader-Supported Website (named Needcoffee.com). Please click on the link below to choose your membership level and then send this to everyone you know via e-mail, Twitter, StumbleUpon, Digg, Facebook, carrier pigeon, smoke signals, etc. The more people hear about this, the faster we can reach our goal, and the sooner we can get rid of these pesky ads that you don't want and also bring you some really cool content that you do want.

Thanks in advance for your help.

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Join Us

The passing of Michael Jackson has made it absolutely imperative for the entertainment industry to crown a new King of Pop.

The current void in the music world of a King of Pop is one that will not be easily overcome. After all who could replace Elvis, Sinatra, Biggie, 2Pac, Johnny Cash, and now Michael? Could it be Tori Amos, Tom Petty, Ryan Adams or even Kelly Clarkson?

Selecting a King of Pop is a difficult task that requires a legitimate resume and a musical depth unmatched in scope. One thing is certain; the music world needs an icon for the people. Someone who can be looked up to and revered as a songwriter and performer of genius and brilliance.

To that end, I offer up a solution. The NEW and undisputed King of Pop is Don Music.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

Since his arrival on TV in December of 1974, Mr. Music has influenced everyone from Elvis Costello and Brian Eno to Ben Folds. His tasteful rearranging of forgotten classics was hip almost a decade before Weird Al Yankovic. As a producer he rivals Phil Spector and Randy Newman.

Music was artistically inactive for most of the 1980s and '90s after a series of brain concussions caused by "lyrical breakdowns." In the early '90s Music overcame an addiction to painkillers and weathered an investigation over the mysterious death of his first wife. The new century began with a nasty royalty suit with Kermit the Frog. Nearly broke, Music began work on his unfinished Musical about Beethoven and got session work in Vegas.

Music's comeback began with his infamous 2000 interview with Kurt Loder when a manic Music insisted that he was the father of the genre of punk piano. A claim later backed up by John Peel and Malcolm McLaren. His painful confessions of artistic temperance moved over thirteen million viewers. Music's recounting of how exclusion from the recording of "We Are the World" thrust him into seclusion sent Loder into tears on national television.

In 2001, Music unsuccessfully sued John Williams for copyright infringement claiming the composer stole his score for Star Wars. In 2002 Music's luck changed when he won a Lifetime Achievement Grammy. A bestselling box set and TV appearances soon followed. After decades of success in Japan and Europe, America was finally taking notice. Music's ghost wrote two hits in the early naught decade, "Hey Jupiter" for Tori Amos and "Brick" for Ben Folds. He recently declined producing a new album for Regina Spektor over artistic differences.

Music's work on Sesame Street has been deemed iconic in recent years. He is currently hard at work on his first novel. Rumors of a tour with Billy Joel and Elton John persist without comment from Music's publicist, Guy Smiley.

Full image available here.

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The Torch is Passed

Innocent lawn ornament or something more ...

The delightfully mad perfumers at Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab have used their skills to create scents inspired by Neil Gaiman's dark dreams, the black coal and bright metal of steampunk and the darker side of the longest night of the year. But this time they have tackled a subject that is far more unusual and strange.

Kitsch.

You know, snow globes, chia pets, commemorative plates, etc. All that mass produced, overly sentimental, artistic devoid plastic crap you get at souvenir shops and flea markets. At first, this seems an odd choice for Black Phoenix's Summer Garden series. You would expect something a little darker, more along the lines of Venus Fly Trap or Foxglove. Not Lawn Gnome, Plastic Pink Flamingo, and Spinning Multicolored Metallic Pinwheel. I'm not making this up.

The scents reflect the bright summery attitude of the selections. Lawn Gnome mixes the sweetness of red currents and molasses with the earthiness of moss and patchouli. Plastic Pink Flamingo is all pink marshmallow peeps and dandelion. Spinning Multicolored Metallic Pinwheel has enough fruit scents for a fruit salad. It's all happy and cheerful and sunny. What the hell is Black Phoenix playing at?

After thinking about it for a while, there may be more to this that meets the eye... or nose. These three ornaments symbolize the Suburban Wasteland. Rows of identical mini-mansions filled with Stepford Wives, Men in Grey Flannel Suits, and Abercrombie & Fitch children. All sacrificing their souls to the gods of Status, Brand, and the All-Mighty Dollar. All trying to fill the void with prescription pills, strong cocktails, and reality television. All incapable of leaving their gated communities, even with the security gate wide open. I think that qualifies as terrifying.

There is also the alchemical perspective. You have the Lawn Gnome as Earth, the Plastic Pink Flamingo as Water, Spinning Multicolored Metallic Pinwheel as Air, and the summer sun as Fire. This could be a magical equation for a successful harvest or simple good fortune. Perhaps a secret Western version of feng shui to achieve harmonious balance and good real estate value.

Perhaps these are truly guardians of our homes and gardens. Maybe they are the modern translation of the classical concept of the genius loci or the spirit of the home. This begs the question: what are they protecting the home from? Mere calamity like a burglary or termites or something more strange and unearthly? And if the latter is the case, do you really want to find out what that is?

For more info on the scents and how to purchase them for yourself, check out their site here.

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Black Phoenix Is Crazy From The Summer Heat

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Stuff: Python Reunion, Hold the Cleese

I have to admit, I felt a bit unclean looking at this shirt, featuring a pissed off Winnie the Kodiak Pooh. It makes me want a trailer mashup between The Edge and Winnie the Pooh. "We're going to kill the bear!" "Oh, bother."

Also, it reminds me of this guy--and I just Twittered this in case anyone knows who this is--who was going around San Diego Comic-Con collecting sketches of people doing their own version of Winnie the Pooh. Alex Ross recreated the cover of Marvels #1 with Pooh in the place of The Human Torch falling out of the sky, on fire and screaming. And James O'Barr had drawn Tigger as The Crow, bullet holes and all. They were fantastic. Does anyone know who that was?

Anyway, the sick sick Pooh shirt can be found here. And while you're going over there, check out this, which is even more Dindraney than the last Dindrane shirt they had.

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Threadless: "Thanks For Noticin' Me"

Direct link for the feedreaders.

Thanks to our old pal Evil for the headsup.

As a bonus, because we had more sorbet than we knew what to do with: Ken posted this to Twitter. I have no idea what the hell it's about, but I will tell you one thing...

Direct link for the feedreaders.

...whoever had the idea to turn Sally into DJ Sally B was a friggin' genius.

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Your Monday Morning Mental Sorbet: Walk It Out

That's probably the best animated short I've seen in years. I mean, yes, the Pixar shorts are funny and cute but that...that was fantastic. On a whole different level.

Sadly, the Wikipedia page relates that it's not available on DVD yet. Apparently the plan is for it to be out on DVD next year with a bunch of special features. Can't wait for that. Huge conceptual art gallery please.

Found at Monsters and Rockets via William Gibson via Little Monsta.

Update: Disney has asked us to remove the embed from the site. And since it is theirs, it's only fair to comply with their wishes.

• Click here to buy Salvador Dali stuff from Amazon.
• Click here to buy Disney stuff from Amazon.

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Dali + Disney = Destino

This rawhide bone tastes like a soul. Mmm nom nom nom.

We've been wanting a Hellhound around the Needcoffee compound for some time, and finally this summer, we began looking for the perfect one. While a fully grown hellhound would be cool to have, we thought it best to get a puppy so we could start training the hound early. After all, a hundred pound toothy mammal that doesn't know how to behave and knows where you sleep...can be problematic, to say the least.

We also wanted to get a mix breed--not only to save money and because "pure breeds" just seem so terribly frou-frou--but also because pure bred dogs have the potential for all manner of genetic problems. Saint Bernards are awesome beasts, but reading the laundry list of stuff that could go wrong with them is just sad.

So after endless hours looking at Petfinder and other local rescue sites online, then meeting quite a few puppy candidates, we either hadn't felt a true connection with anyone, or else they were adopted before we got to meet them (yay!). And then, late one night in May, we stumbled upon two puppies that needed a home on the Adopt A Pet website.

They and their mother had been rescued from a home where the mother had been chained to a tree and was underweight. Apparently while the rescue folks were there helping build fences so the dogs in the household could have better living conditions, the mom decided to get out while the getting was good and hopped into the volunteers' SUV. So they took her and the two week-old puppies to a very loving foster home with their other doggies. Their mom, Niobe (who still needs a forever home) is a Cane Corso, or Italian Mastiff, and their dad is a bully breed of some sort. Widge locked onto the idea of having a Cane Corso, because...well, look at what they can grow up into. (Magnificent beasts! - Widge)

We met both puppies and their wonderful foster moms. By the end of the visit (well, probably sooner, actually), we knew that one of them would be coming to live with us and be our very own hellhound in residence. After a long discussion--mostly bemoaning the fact that as responsible adults we couldn't take both girls--we decided on the larger and seemingly more thoughtful of the two sisters. We also decided to name her Kora after the Greek goddess of the Underworld. And a short week later (during which she was spayed), Kora came to live with us!

Kora's mom, Niobe, taking a break.

(As a note, her foster name was Sophia. And when we received her, we decided that if she already had enough name recognition going on, we would keep her original name. But a quick test showed that not only would she answer to Kora and Sophia, but also "Spaghetti" and "Ice Cream." So Sophia is now her middle name.)

We have had Kora for a full month now, and she seems to be settling in very well. She already knew how to sit when she came to us (amazing!), and now she can come when called (most of the time), lay down, stay, and is adept at the house rules for playing Tug. She is also getting housetrained very well, learning to ring bells on the door when she needs to go out. Her first vet visits with us went remarkably well-- she is very good natured with people so far, and she's even submitted with little protest to two baths and to having her nails trimmed. She's definitely conniving, though, and likes to jump on the couch when she thinks she can get away with it.

When she goes outside, she likes to crunch down on magnolia leaves outside like they're damned souls ready for hellfire, but the softer side of her hellhound nature is really betrayed when she shamelessly begs Widge for a belly rub...which she pretty much does whenever he comes in the room. And we also found out that she has a nemesis: the Evil Red Dot. The Evil Red Dot (or laser pointer, as we humans know it) has no smell and insists on flitting erratically around the room, coming and going as it pleases and refusing to be captured. It makes her a bit crazy, and tires her out when she needs to go to bed.

We finally got the okay from the vet to take her for a walk--as puppies need a variety of shots before they can go out in public. We've been probably overly cautious about letting her out into the world at large but now she gets to explore! She has been making the rounds and meeting neighborhood dogs and even encountered some children at the local farmers market--and didn't eat a single one.

Based on our experiences with Kora, we'd like to make some recommendations on What We've Learned So Far.

Training - This is our first dog as adults, and before we always had the family dogs growing up. And Widge and myself always thought that training a dog was something highly specialized, complicated and best done by a professional. However, after checking out the work of Dr. Ian Dunbar, an animal behaviorist, we found that the only piece of our previous notion that was 100% accurate was the complicated part. There's nothing quite like having to discuss command words to ensure that they don't sound like anything else. Regardless, Dr. Dunbar's work has been extraordinarily helpful to us and we recommend anybody check him out for their own pooches. You can find more info here.

Kongs - Combination chew toy and food distribution method--the idea is to get a dog addicted to one of these rather than, say, addicted to chewing on your couch. Or your clothes. Or another pet. They have multiple varieties. I'm sure at some point, having a mastiff on hand, we'll need the black "extreme" version but for now we've got one puppy kind and two of the standard red ones. They are perfect for dry food or getting food wet and then freezing it for a Kongsicle. Also, peanut butter can be added to the inside contents to make a dog go even more mental than normal.

Bitter Apple - When trying to convince a puppy hurtling headlong into Teethingville not to gnaw on something, you're going to need to make it taste terrible. Bitter Apple is, so far, the most convincing way to do that. It's got enough alcohol in it that I'm not sure how anybody could find it tasty, but I've heard that other dogs have apparently acclimated themselves to the taste and won't stop gnawing. It seems to deter Kora. She always looks so mournful when you spray something with it, though. So be prepared for that.

Nature's Miracle - A stain and odor remover that will take care of things when the puppy doesn't get outside often enough. Seriously, you apply it to the carpet and wait five minutes, then wipe up the mess. It will also take care of any lingering after-odors--the idea being that if a dog smells where it's gone before, it will make it easier to go there each time. No idea what's in it since the main ingredient besides water is "Nature's Enzymes." Whatever that means. I will say that if you have to enlist the help of the "Nature's Miracle 1.5 Gallon Power Sprayer" as mentioned on the container, then...you have serious problems. Of course, it helps when you have a puppy to also have something else we recommend...

Decades-Old Carpet - Seriously. There's something so liberating about knowing that one day soon you'll have to replace the carpet anyway, so to hell with it. You know?

Reading the Ingredients on Food - Also seriously. Read close. You might remember the nightmare that came out of the pet food recalls from a couple of years ago which made a lot of animals sick and killed others. So you'll forgive us if we're a bit sensitive to stuff coming out of China. And we've found a lot of products that have an American flag on them but say "Made in China" on the back. Actually, it doesn't have to be made in the USA for us, we just don't want anything from China.

More to come. Any questions on living with a cute avatar of the underworld, just let us know.

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Our Life With The Hellhound: Month One

Direct link for the feedreaders.

For more evidence of how cool the play is--by way of the movie starring Gary Oldman and Tim Roth--you can check out "Questions" here.

• Click here to buy Tom Stoppard stuff from Amazon.

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Happy Birthday, Tom Stoppard

The Needcoffee.com Reader Survey closes at midnight tonight. And Hellpuppy Kora just heard a vicious rumor that you haven't taken it yet. So she instructed us, her human handlers, to use her powers of cuteness to instruct you to take the survey. Because otherwise, the puppy will be sad. And would you make a puppy sad? What sort of a heartless bastard are you? Yes, it's true...she does want to nom your soul into slobbery bits, but that's no reason to make her make the sad face, is it?

I knew you'd understand. You can find the survey here. I thank you. And Kora thanks you.

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The Hellpuppy Commands You!

Direct link for the feedreaders.

So do you think Jackson really wanted Prince up there, or was it something like...this?

Jackson: "If you're going to call me up here, seriously, call that freaky Prince guy up here too. Bet you a hundred he takes off his shirt."

Brown: "Okay, I'll take that bet."

They certainly were having plenty of conferences-on-the-mound--could have happened.

After the break, another Brown teamup I had forgotten happened.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

• Click here to buy James Brown stuff from Amazon.
• Click here to buy Michael Jackson stuff from Amazon.
• Click here to buy Prince stuff from Amazon.
• Click here to buy Pavarotti stuff from Amazon.

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James Brown: King of Musical Teamups

Anyway, if you've been wondering exactly what such a musical might look like, here's some footage that got posted thanks to Dread Central.

Direct link for the feedreaders.

On one hand, the Creature participating in a rawk love ballad is pretty funny. On the other hand, are they singing what I think they're singing? Wow.

• Click here to buy the original on DVD from Amazon.

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Creature From The Black Lagoon The Musical: He's Hungry

Written by: Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci, and Alex Kurtzman
Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Ramon Rodriguez, Peter Cullen, Hugo Weaving

Review: The only problem I had with the first one of these was that it tended to have things on the screen that weren't giant robots fighting other giant robots. So that needed fixing. And so it was! This time around, if you're not seeing a big bot tear another's face off (seriously, this is done quite a bit), then you're probably instead focused on some of Megan Fox's various parts. Which is acceptable. You can shut your brain down for this one. Shut it down hard.

Time: 21 seconds

• Click here to buy Transformers stuff from Amazon.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - 27 Second Review

Ken Plume from Quick Stop Entertainment and I spend a lot of time on the phone. We have conversations that make very little sense. Then one day, I decided that we should harness our powers to ensure that gravity as we know it is kept at its current strength. But Ken would hear none of it and instead he insisted we harness our powers for this...whatever it is, entitled "Nuts on the Road."

Just remember...you've been warned.

Here we have another very special episode of Nuts on the Road. It was recorded live in front of a crowd of stunned onlookers. Some of which were nuns. Oh, one last thing: we're very, very sorry.

Direct download of the file here.

Download audio file (nutsontheroad-579.mp3)

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Nuts on the Road, Episode 579: Lonesome Mel - Rider Of The Plains