Several months passed and on one Wednesday morning, an AP staff called up saying a couple has withdrawn their reservation so AP offered the slot to us. The reservation is for a Sunday two weeks prior to our initial reservation. You could tell both our families were overjoyed with the news and immediately made the change. However, Bridex said in order to formalise the change, I have to write a formal letter to them requesting for the change, and it has to be done ASAP before they offer the slot to another couple in the waitlist. This would have been an easy thing to do however, the reservation was under my father’s name and the letter has to be signed by him. Unfortunately my father was away for several days on a trip so I requested AP to let me hold on the spot for a week. As soon as my father returned from his trip, I had him signed the letter (I had it all written up nicely for him) and then rushed it to AP. Everything was sorted up* after that and I could breathe a sigh of relief.

So that was for the Bersanding event. There are 2 more events but they don’t require as much headache.

The most important event, which is the Nikah, was initially decided to be at a mosque. After all, it is a religious occasion and many couples hold their nikah at mosques. It is also easier, since both the couple’s families can gather at the same place and host the event without having to turn their houses upside down in preparation for the incoming guests. My dad and I thought of having the Nikah at a nearby mosque where my cousin’s husband work and we thought of having him as the Kadi. The mosque also has a big space and parking area which would make it convenient for our guests. But my mum, being a traditionalist, prefers to have it at our house. So in the end it was determined that the Nikah would be at our house.

The other event is the Berbedak night. This is the easiest to arrange. Because it is only a small event where only the closest family members are invited, most people host their Berbedak at their own homes (the bride and groom host their Berbedak separately and they don’t even have to be on the same day – Victor will have it a day after the Nikah and I will have it a week after the Nikah). Some people may host the event elsewhere for various reasons, for example, my first cousin-once-removed host hers at a mosque because the location of her house isn’t suitable to host a large number of people. Victor himself would have his Berbedak because of logistics reasons.

* I did return to AP a few more times to clarify some matters.

So we had to fill out the new forms, gathered the required accompanying documents, which can be such a pain to obtain depending on circumstances (refer to previous post). I returned to the Syariah Court on a Thursday morning (Victor can’t come along because he had work) to hand in the documents. Luckily it wasn’t a busy day so I was immediately attended to by the staff. Once the attending staff confirmed that everything is in order I was told to make the payment of B$20 at the payment counter (and collect the payment slips). Then they told me to proceed to another counter for further instructions. After 5 minutes of waiting at the counter I was given a slip of paper instructing Victor and I to return to the Syariah Court with the skip of paper 13 days before the Nikah ceremony.

I was puzzled by it since when it comes to dealing with the government, there’s always a bunch of documents needed so when the staff told me to simply bring that 1 piece of paper, it caught me off guard. I reconfirmed with the staff and they said, “Yes, just that paper.” Feeling semi-assured I left the Court and headed back home. At home I re-read the slip of paper and near the bottom, there’s a small piece of paper attached to it. It’s a notification to inform every couple who wish to get married to register for Kursus Pra-Nikah (Pre-Nikah Course) – basically it’s a 4-day course that MUST be attended by every couple in order to prepare them for married life.

The notification paper didn’t specify any documents we need to bring along during the registration (oh boy was I wrong). So on Saturday morning (2 days later) Victor and I went to the Khidmat Nasihat Keluarga (Family Consultation Services) unit (just a couple of blocks away from the Syariah Court) to register for the Kursus Pra-Nikah. It was not a busy day so once again we were immediately attended to. I handed over the slip of paper (given by the staff in Syariah Court) along with the payment slips and after a minute or two, the staff asked for a copy of our Identification Cards (I.C). We didn’t bring any along because nobody said we had to. So Victor and I went off to make copies of our I.Cs (at a copier shop miles away) and returned to the KNK unit to complete the registration. Luckily it went well after that and we were issued a couple of papers to bring along during the 4-days course (which is set for a month before the Nikah ceremony). The standard is that the couple has to attend the course prior to the wedding. However, in some cases, a couple may not be able attend the course in time (usually due to no available slots) so they would have to attend the course after the wedding.

In my next post I will talk about the actual wedding preparation so stay tuned

* That’s if the couples decide to hold the event outside the vicinity of their homes.

Anyway back to the topic of this post, last Tuesday Victor and I went to the Syariah Court to get the Borang Nikah (that is the form for the permission to marry). We went there around 10am and once we were there, we had to go to the information counter to ask for directions. We were told to sign in the guestbook and then head over to the room on the left and take a queue number. In that room the seats for men and women were separated so Victor and I sat far apart from each other. It took quite a while before it was out turn since there were a few numbers before ours.

Here’s the Syariah Court’s working days/hours in case anyone plans to go there:

Once it was our turn we were attended by this nice lady. She asked us why were there and we told her we were there for the Borang Nikah. She then proceeded to fish out a number of papers and I was like, “whoa that’s a lot of paperwork to be done.” She then asked us several questions like, “what’s your current marital status (bachelor/divorced)?”, “is this your first marriage?” and for me (they’ll ask this to all female applicants), “is your father still alive?” “are your parents still together (not divorced)?” To those unfamiliar with Malay Muslim weddings, these questions might seem strange and bordering nosy but they are necessary.

Since not all parts in the forms need to be filled in, the lady kindly marked the bits that we need to fill in. She laid out the forms (Borang 1 for the groom-to-be and Borang 2 for the bride-to-be) and explained what we needed to do to complete them. She talked so fast and even though I understood it all at that time, by the time we walked out of the building I have already forgotten some of them (so Victor ended up going back to see her for clarification lol).

For female applicants, there is an extra form to be filled in aside from Borang 2, which is the Borang Soal Selidik Wali (Wali Survey Form). Wali is an Arabic word meaning guardian. Unmarried females who wish to get married must get the consent from their Wali (even if she doesn’t actually have any). The Wali must be an adult male and a relative of the bride-to-be, and is normally the father of the bride-to-be, however, if the father is deceased/missing, the grandfather(s) would take up the role. And if the grandfather is also deceased/missing, an adult male sibling would do. If she doesn’t have any adult male siblings, the Wali would be her uncles/nephews/granduncles/any adult male relative she could find. And if she has none of the above, she has to enlist the help of Wali Hakim (Magistrate Guardian – basically a Wali appointed by the Curt).

For both male and female applicants, you’d also need the signature of two witnesses. These can be anybody as long as they are Muslim adult males. Note: The Wali can not be a witness as well.

Next there’s also a section where the applicants have to get the permission from the village head of the village they live in (practically everyone in this country lives in a village even when you live in the city – this bit is confusing but let’s leave that for another day). At this point I was already thinking, “the heck? I have to bother a bunch of people before I can get married”.

Aside from filling in the forms, there are few other accompanying documents that need to be submitted as well.

Copy of valid Identification Card (3 copies)
Copy of Birth Certificate (3 copies)
Copy of the Wali‘s valid Identification Card (2 copies)
Copy of the bride-to-be’s parents’ Marriage Certificate (3 copies)

I am still in the process of getting the forms filled so it’ll probably take a couple of weeks or so before I go back to the Syariah Court to submit the forms which I will cover in Part 2.