I learned it, now it’s your turn. You’ll find the chords for the arrangement I’m playing here, though I’ve replaced the Db9 with Gm7 and the C9 with C7 because my ears like it better that way. And hey, maybe some day I’ll learn to sing, but today is not that day.

Ich möchte ein Eisbär sein/I want to be a polar bear
im kalten Polar/at the cold North Pole
dann müßte ich nicht mehr schrei´n/Then I wouldn’t howl anymore
alles wär so klar/everything would be all right.

Eisbären müssen nie weinen./Polar bears must never cry.

Eisbär is a 1981 Europop hit by the now defunct Swiss band Grauzone. There’s a cover by French band Nouvelle Vague, here. Photos by Mr. NEV who may or may not have been singing the German language 80s hit as we strolled the zoo grounds.

Photos by Mr NEV, camera, Panasonic Lumix.

It went so well last time — though it was more work than I thought it would be — that I’m going to do it again. Doors are open, folks, August is potluck month at Nerd’s Eye View. I’d love it if you’d bring something to share. No, there’s no money in it, but good lord, do I love my readers and hey maybe they’ll share that love with you. I loved hosting so many different writers, and I still love seeing those stories rotate through my front page at random.

Want in? Here’s the deal:

1. Read this. Go ahead, I’ll wait. All done? Okay then.The same restrictions apply.
2. I will not host your photo. There’s one exception: You don’t have photos online. Then, email me and ask.
3. Make sure you include a title and a byline — and hey, include a link to your site, already!
4. I’m going to fill the dates in August as submissions come in. You’ll know you’re in when your post appears.
5. I will not hold a slot for you this time. That made me nervous. Want in? Hop to it!

Send your story to me in the body of an email — NOT as an attachment — to  pam (at) nerdseyeview (dot) com. Put “Guest Post August” in the subject line so you don’t get lost in the terrible swamp that is my inbox. Curious about what ran last time, just for comparison? Here are the 29 Guests posts. Heads up: My upgrade resulted in some character substitution in these posts. Apologies, and know that I’m fixing them, one by one. [Sigh.]

Now, go make a nice virtual potato salad or pick up a six pack and come on over, won’t you?

1. Bloggers and journalists are not the same thing. Some journalists have blogs. Some bloggers have journalism training. A blog is a platform, blogging is the act of putting stuff on that platform, be it journalism, narrative, photography, or divisive meaningless crap. Got a blog of your own or are you contributing to one? You’re a blogger. Have fun.
2. If you take a press trip, you’re a shill. Fine, whatever. Don’t take press trips and don’t read stuff by people who take them.
3. You shouldn’t write for free. It’s your call, I’m not going to make it for you. If you want to give your work away, go right ahead. I can’t afford to write for free, I’d starve. If you can, you’re in a more enviable financial position than I. Enjoy.
4. Travel writing isn’t journalism. Anyone who says this isn’t doing much reading. Some travel writing is journalism, some is story telling, some is how-to. It comes in a bunch of flavors, it’s not a one size fits all thing. Go to the library, already, and read something.
5. Travel writing is hard work. Who cares about this? Not the guys who put the roof on my house or the woman driving the bus I took downtown or the baggage handlers at the airport. Cry me a river.
6. Content farms are evil. No kidding. Get back to me when you have a strategy for building up the equivalent of farmer’s markets for writing. Until then, don’t write for content farms, don’t syndicate their material, don’t use websites that focus on content farming strategies. And hey, friends don’t let friends read or write farmed content. Step away from the processed words. Those things are full of high fructose corn syrup. No one needs that in their diet.
7. Tourists are bad, travelers are better. Fake distinction, I’m sick of hearing about it. Get over yourself.
8. SEO is killing the web. I hate the SEO game as much as anyone, maybe more. But you know what works better than Google for finding meaningful information? Asking people who are experts. Librarians. Readers. Fellow travelers. Think outside the Google. And write outside the Google too. Or, feed the Google monster, go ahead. Ranting about Google isn’t going to make it go away, so I’m going to go around and ask humans for advice. I said “I’m going around.”
9. You should unplug when you travel. Yeah, and I should eat liver because it’s high in iron. Do what you want, I’m going to go meet some local folks I found online. You can join me; it’ll be fun!
10. I’m not a writer, I’m a blogger. Are you using written words to express your ideas? That’s writing. Are you really making excuses for the quality of your writing? Because hey, maybe you ought to work on that instead of wasting time on labels. If you don’t think you’re a writer — or aren’t at least aspiring to be one, maybe you should stop writing.

That’s it. I’m done with this little alienation spree.