hypothetical subatomic particles

Islands

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 00:00:00 +0000

As morning touches me, I'm still awake, full of the blankness of night. Insomnia is not the right word, because I'm sleepy, yet I know I can't sleep till I'm sleepy enough. Dazed with this strange, almost-there clarity. I keep grasping at fleeting epiphanies, yet they keep slipping past by an atom's breadth. Silence has always been a great friend to me, forever understanding, forever accepting, yet never satisfied.

Though silence never complains, it being silent and stuff, but one can see it in its eyes, that cruelly innocent eagerness that looks forward to the next moment. It shakes me, everytime. I've never been one to give up, not yet; but neither can I move, I feel like a mote of consciousness trapped in frozen time. So, yet again, even as it kills me, I kill the wide-eyed, innocent silence. I hear my heart beat once, I see my body move ever so slightly, the volition behind it is perhaps one of the most painful things ever experienced. I smell air, and feel it entering me. Yet again, a moment dies, and another is born.

The good thing about hotel rooms; they don't have clocks. No annoying ticking, no constant temptation to steal a glance at the mesmerizing play of passing seconds being counted. You feel free, free to try doing a bit of nothing for a while. It feels good, for a while, and then you are captivated by the silence, yet again, you're invited to stay in this moment, forever.

There are people who stop to smell the roses, and there are the ones who stop to smell the corpses, their choice, what can I say? But once in a while I almost envy the ones who stop, and forget to start, they've achieved the Holy Grail of laziness - perfection. Fucking brilliant.

You know, all you say or do will ultimately be absorbed into the past of the future. A part of history? Sure, but an infinitesimal one, an invisible one, eventually. So what's the use? I wonder, ultimately, it comes down to survival, first through life, and then through memories, but both end. After all, you are an island. Boats will come, and go. Bridges will be built, and burnt. Tides will rise, and ebb. But what separates you and me is not just water, it's more than that; more than space, time, or life. We live in two different universes - separated by us, our consciousness, this paper-thin impenetrability.

It's such a pity to think I'll never know you, of course I may know an earlier or later you, but the you now, right now, belong to these words. Only they will know you as you get to know them, and then you both change. Really, such a pity, but that's alright. After all, you, and I, are islands. And this morning, as hard as it may try, will fail to change that.

unQuotes, done to death and back

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 21:46:00 +0000

And on and on, till you get bored silly.

You look at how things are
And see how they could be...
I look at how things are
And get back to my lunch.

I like Halloween.
Being able to move around
Without scaring people
Is relieving.

Hear that irritating noise?
Don't worry, it's just me dancing on your nerves!

Life is beautiful,
Unless it forgets to put on makeup.

Fictional Characters tend to have
Too damn much time in their hands...

Let us spend a minute in silence -
In memory of all those minutes wasted in silence.

Can you walk the talk? No?
Good! I don't like people with feet in mouth.

I'm like a modern Ebenezer Scrooge,
Only in my case the ghosts failed.

Bliss is a calm but euphoric state of mind,
much like when you find a toilet after holding it in for hours.

Some things are never meant to be...
Until I find out about them.

Society's nastiest lesson is to be guilty of one's own superiority.

I have a Rafflesian intellect;
Huge, garish and smells rotten.

My personality? Imagine Sheldon Cooper and Gregory House
Hiring The Mask to cover for
Arthur Dent and Jerry Mouse under Motoko Kusanagi...

NesQuarX

Stop groaning, at least I'm updating something!

unQuotes, Revival

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 11:30:00 +0000

Okay, so maybe I'm back, maybe I'm not... But here are unQuotes.

Lifelong I longed for life,
Life was longer before I realized,
That longing is life.

Being better is not a crime.

Yesterday was Good,
Tomorrow will be Better,
But today is, was and will always be - the Best.

It's good to be edible,
Better to be credible,
Best to be incredible!

Fear not, little human!
Someday you shall understand everything,
And then die.

I can't take out my bleeding heart
And place it in your hands
Just to prove that I'm human,
Because firstly, I'll die,
Secondly, I don't need to.

Don't poison reminiscence with nostalgia.

To light the fire of wonder
All you need is
A single spark of brilliance.

I just want it all,
Is that too much to ask for?

When did we stop chasing butterflies?

Oh hi! I didn't notice you there...
How've you been?
Are you still afraid of the dark?

Never take humour at face value...
It has much more interesting places to look at.

Gratitude is a fruit that rots easily if uneaten.

NesQuarX

Am I really back? Sure!
On second thoughts, who knows?

Hey there.

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:38:00 +0000

Hey,

Been a while eh?

I'm doing fine, you?

Hmm...

No I didn't vanish, I just wasn't around much.

No, there's no particular reason, it's just how I am I guess...

I didn't claim to be so. It's you who gave me that adjective. In fact the only thing I do claim to be is an arsehole, which I am ^_^

Yeah anyway, good to see you again, let's get together someday for a few drinks or something...

Yeah, you too...

Bye.

LimeRock

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 18:52:00 +0000

This one's churned out by me, sleep-deprived with aroma toes,
In an attempt to revive the sea and waves of rotten tomatoes.
The time being just ripe,
I thus address this gripe.
This blog is not that dead yet, it's merely a bit comatose.

NesQuarX

No this doesn't mean I'm back or something, I was never away, and still am just as lazy.

Sinners Against Gender Stereotypes (SAGS)

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 08:51:00 +0000

Yes, so this is the second tag for this blog... It may be obvious that I'm doing it as a measure to reassert my unpredictability, or maybe I'm just doing it for amusement. Either way, thanks to G for passing it on and the ideator of this tag.

Anyway, as far as sins against gender stereotypes go, I'm guilty on multiple serious counts...
Here goes 10 things that are totally un-manly of me:

Pink shirts, I have, and wear.
Not much of a story behind this, mom forced me to wear them for a while, and nobody hated me for them, then I just got used to them.
I can cook, even common household food.
Like most gastrosexual males, I prefer to read and try exotic recipes, but when need comes I can make a decent maachher-jhol bhath or roti-sabzee.
I have no attraction to smokes or booze.
Now this is something only those close to me know well, I smoke much and drink in extremely masculine amounts with friends, colleagues or family... But I consider them only social obligations and neither enjoy nor detest them. By myself, I neither smoke nor drink.
I am not a sports buff.
I enjoy watching the occasional game of football (which I do love to play though) and tennis, but ask me about standings and tourneys and names and I'm quite clueless, I find cricket utterly boring. I have watched very few of the WC matches, that too in snippets and replays.
I have a very non-masculine curiosity.
I love collecting information, about everything, including people... Any piece of information that I know exists outside my knowledge bugs me like an itch... One of the favourite ways for my closest friends to irritate me by is to open their mouths to speak and then say 'forget it'.
There is a stuffed dog that can be found sitting (or sprawling) on my bed.
It can often be found being cuddled by me in sleep. There's a story behind that too. One that does not involve any girls. One which I don't think I'll be sharing right now.
I'm far more comfortable among females than males.
Blame it on a childhood growing up between four cousin sisters, 0,2,4 and 5 years older than me. Which led to preferring girls over boys for close friends... and the rest is history.
I have read all of both Harry Potter and Twilight.
The former I found very enjoying and the latter I found passable enough to not hate... The movies are crap though.
I can often understand women.
Now this is where I am completely inviting flame from both the genders... Yes it's a tall claim to make; but firstly, due to the same reasons as sin #7 and secondly, being fascinated by women to the point of researching them thoroughly - understanding comes naturally.
I don't have a straightforward mind.
Manly men are supposed to have no convolutions in their psyche, they speak their heart and are completely honest, they have only primal emotions and they express them loudly... Well, I don't.

All these facts are not secret as I don't have any to share, but they are very much me. (Yay me!)

On principle, I won't tag any specific person (the curse won't work on me, G), but I recommend the first 12 commenters to take up the tag. (By saying that, I have killed the comments section of this post!)

NesQuarX

Nothing to read here... Shoo! *attempts girlish wave of hand*

MindCrap

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Fri, 14 May 2010 16:14:00 +0000

So I had to sit again to string words as they came in my head? Unfortunately, yes... And unfortunately, out came these chunks of crap...

Tiny people running all over

Parkouring on your features

Soon some will want an entrance

In your mind,

Let them in?

Cold hands

Scorch skin

Warming

Inside you

Delirious

A collection of smells

Define your existence

Detailed

Memory

Can be cruel

______________

NesQuarX
Yes, it is crap in my opinion. Maybe it's some really cool crap but it's crap.

UnQuotes again!

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 13:13:00 +0000

Just giving this blog some of its original flavour. Watch, Measure, Sniff, but don't get too close! Here are unQuotes:

Everything's fair in love and chat.

If you're worried about what-ifs...

Now is a good time

to look under the bed.

I am not a commodity.

Even if I am,

you can't afford me.

My mind needs a convex lens, a censor board,

and a cemetery guard.

Life is a rat-race. Try your best to win,
meet you at the finish line. I'll be waving the flag.

Yesternight a character in my dream

was criticizing the script.

Enough breaks! Have a joint.

Statement in favour of polygamy:

more than one mouse are mice,

so more than one spouse are...

The only things I ever copied

were 2 sets of chromosomes from my parents.

That too mutated.

Only nothing can contain everything.

I analyze, I change, I move on.

Life varies between a dark white and a bright black...

I just wait for the adjectives to switch.

I started a boulder of knowledge in the stream of thoughts.

Contemplation eroded me to a pebble, then a grain of sand,

now I am the stream.

NesQuarX

I will name my next cat Curiosity! *Is off to kidnap a kitten.*
(Oh and I won't apologize for the absence, you might as well get used to it.)

Will I ever be the same again?

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 18:53:00 +0000

A few days back, I was just rambling at myself while on one of my usual thought-explorations... I suddenly came to a realization which left me dumbfound for a minute. It shook all of my beliefs to the core and forced me to look at everything from a fresh perspective... And far, far harder to accept than the time I had to accept that existence has no meaning other than existence itself, or than accepting that it is impossible to judge, hence trust any entity... Those were trivial compared to this one.
Now, it isn't something that will possibly ignite your passion or level-up your awareness... It's much more theoretical and cerebral, if I dare say so. Now will be a good time for anyone not in the mood for a bit of slightly intricate logic to find something better to read... (maybe something here would hold your interest?)

Now before I start, let me tell you about some of the foundation pillars of my mind. First, I heavily believe in the power of individual choice and how it affects short and long term on our timeline. Secondly, I'm basically an atheist agnostic, thus God is a useful social construct and there are no proven omnipotent beings beyond rationality. Finally, I believe there is a proper mathematical/logical explanation of everything (agreeing to the fact that sometimes it's just beyond our current knowledge to provide it).

What went wrong was that I just proved to myself that some of these tenets can't coexist! Namely the first and the last one. Let me elaborate... I was musing along the concepts of causes and effects, reflecting on the time before time, the causeless cause at the beginning of this Universe, the current laws of physics and all that... Then I began wondering, If everything follows some definite rules with time, then given the rules and the complete composition of the Universe, a sufficiently powerful computer (or brain, if you please) can compute the state of the Universe at any point in time, (mind you that brain has to be outside the Universe for the simple reason that to compute the Universe the brain has to have more energy than the Universe) and the Universe contains us! But even the concept of such prediction was still too hypothetical and out of scope to be shocking... Do you realize, that if everything follows some rules (however complicated or esoteric), including us. Then the friggin timeline is fixed! It's all scripted! Fated! No free choice! (it was then I almost fainted...)

So taking the other side of the argument and going by the existence of free choice. Then since I can choose for myself while being aware of the choice and having the consciousness to understand that I am choosing out of free will. There must be something enabling free choice, which introduces randomness into the timeline. Now this agent of free choice, you can represent in multiple ways, consciousness, soul, luck, chaos... Any of these concepts can do the trick, but again, what's so shocking about it? For it to be what it is, (i.e. the thing that enables us to choose, such that the outcome of the choice can't be ascertained till it is made, or collapsing the quantum states of the timeline if you can think of it that way.) that agent of randomness, by definition, will have to be beyond any mathematics or logic. It can NOT follow any rules, known or unknown! (or else we return to perfectly deterministic fatalism)

Or we can state that for freedom of choice to exist, there must exist something not be the same as everything else is in this Universe... Something mystical? Spiritual? Chaotic? Good? Evil? God? The Supersoul and its fragments? Some higher power? ... Funny thing is that, most of the spiritual theories tend to converge at this exact thing that I just derived... Shit! (Well actually I was much more colourful in cursing myself but I like to keep this blog rated PG.)

Well so the conflict, which went on till long, came to the obvious ending, I couldn't let go of free choice, so I ended up accepting that there has to be at least one thing that will remain forever unexplainable... It was really tough to digest. But still easier than living a scripted life. (I wonder, did I just create another imaginary construct to avoid a horrible truth? I don't know!) To all those who already believed it without knowing... Meh... Do you need an award? *makes a rude gesture*

So ask me what I am going to do tomorrow? I DON'T KNOW! Because I have not chosen yet...

______________
NesQuarX
Oh, and yes I still think that the God concept is a social construct. Shoot me.

Thus

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 20:41:00 +0000

I,

Have
Acidic
Vines
Etched.

Lived
Inside
Vitriolic
Essence.
Decadence.

You
Ought
Understand.

______________
NesQuarX
This one is pretty much personal. It's here not because I wanted you to read it, but because I wanted to write it.
Feel free to enjoy the redundant acrostic. Pat your back if you find the secret. But no questions please.

That feeling

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:05:00 +0000

That feeling,
When the ghost footsteps stop following just before you could turn.
When you know it was there right until you reached for it.
When you look up into the sky and understand there is so much that you would never understand.
When you know it was never yours anyway, but still, but still, but still, it's there.
When you realize that you're living an ersatz life.

That feeling
That vague sense of loss.

I wish there was a word for it.

NesQuarX
Sorry for leaving the blog for a while,
sorrier for coming back,
sorriest for having this for a comeback.

And again, and again.

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 13:55:00 +0000

Eat
Shit
Sleep
Reproduce

Somewhere in between, you begin to wonder if that is all.
Then you forget.

NesQuarX
Oh, I forgot drink and pee... sorry!

Unquotes, don't leave home without it.

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 20:09:00 +0000

Straight from the tweet vine... compiled haiku-style! Would you like some fries with that?

Q: Life is calling. Where are you?

A: I'm holding the megaphone you moron!

Yes I am. Deal with it.

Sadness is more profound
for those who have
an enhanced sense of loss.

An ellipsis
is worth a million words ...

It is better to have coded and debugged
than to have never coded at all.

Tell me when you find out
exactly what's missing in life...
I'll unfreeze hell and throw a party.

I am the personification
of perfect imperfections.

When I was born,
the doctors had to do a caesarean...
My ego was too big.

Life is not like Mario,

it's more like Tetris.

Tweeting tweets through tweeter

to twits throughout the time.
Think that's tad tiring, thoughtless too.

Look into my eyes, you will see...

... Stop staring like that! It's creepy!

I'm not a tourist...
I'm a Traveler.

Some days I'm the Creator,
some days I'm just the Preserver,
But today...

NesQuarX

I just love how you take the pains to read the fine print every time!

Epilogue

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 11:35:00 +0000

There I was, idly sitting on the freshly mutilated body, appreciating my own handiwork. Turning around, I found the barrel of a gun pointing at my head, time slowed… I swear I saw the bullet leave the bore and hurtle toward my forehead! I kept waiting to wake up or something.

No such thing happened.

NesQuarX

Okay, so I jumped in the 55fic bandwagon too... Actually, no, this is just a jab at how all 55ers have an awesome twist... mine doesn't :D

The words that built this blog.

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:21:00 +0000

I saw a wordle... and couldn't resist.

Here's wordle #1 which I call my Blog Egg

And wordle #2 which is... well... a word cloud (It's more like a word barrel... but then again... who cares?)

NesQuarX
Yeah, you guessed it again... this is a filler. Okay, so I cheat... what's new?

So?

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 08:13:00 +0000

So there I was, standing on the crossroads amidst the woods, looking at the 4-way sign, wondering which way to go... An old man came walking down the road marked 'Experience', he was all white; hair, brows, clothes. He smiled when he saw me.
I asked, "which way do I go, old man?".

He raised a wizened finger back where he was coming from and said, "Go this way - you'll have wonderful experiences that will enrich your life forever. You may even become a great sage or philosopher."
I asked again "How many have fulfilled their lives on this road?"
"A great many! And they all would swear by this path" He told me with obvious pride in his voice.
"But have they tried all the others?" I inquired.
He offered expansively, "You know when you encounter the best!". He winked at me and left.

I decided to camp there for the night, I was lying down underneath the evening stars, watching wispy clouds drift by... I noticed a distant glinting light coming down the road marked 'Power', I got up to see it clearly, It was a sturdy old man with a lantern, he was wearing gleaming red armour and carried a very ornate sword.

He came near me, hand shifting once on the hilt of the sword, then raised the other hand in greeting.
I greeted him in the same manner and asked, "Can you tell me which way to go?"
"Why this way of course!" He grunted, "Where else can you prove your prowess and attain greatness? Where else can you gain powers that others only dream of? Where else can you command others and lead them to glory?"
He was possibly going to ask me more where-elses but I interrupted, "Do many go this way? Are they happy?"
He looked at me with incredulity in his eyes, "Young man, almost every one I know has gone this way and found their calling in power! And I know a lot many!" He grunted again, which was possibly a laugh.
I asked, "Have they tried the other ways?"
He gave me a snide look and told me before leaving, "They never needed to."

Night came, the sky went darker, the stars became brighter, the crickets were noisier... I was almost dozing off when a very old commoner woke me up,
"Hullo there traveler! Spare any food?"
I shrugged and shared some of my rations with him, he thanked me and began eating.
Inevitably, I asked, "I can't seem to decide which way to go... What do you suggest?"
He looked at me blankly, dusted a few pieces of food from his gray garb and said, "I dunno, I reside that-a way, it's fine by me..."
He pointed at the road marked 'Contentment' and idly began eating again, I asked again, "Do many live like you? Are they happy?"
He shrugged, "Many times many, we don't have any complaints, you can call it a kind of happiness, right?"
I didn't reply, and somehow felt it quite useless to ask if they travel the other roads. He thanked me again and left.

Sleep had left me too. Pacing up and down the tiny clearing around the crossroads, I had no idea how late it was, but there was a definite purple tinge in the East sky and it was growing lighter. I saw a faint shape emerging from the foggy East road, the one that I came from, marked 'Purpose'.
The shape turned into a person, she was slightly younger than me, lightly built, wearing a faded garment and a black sash on her forehead, her smile reached her eyes in greeting when she saw me.

I smiled and waved, she spoke cheerfully, "Hi! Where you going?"
I shrugged, "haven't decided yet. Can't seem to make up my mind."
She laughed and shook her head, "You're doing it wrong! Here, let me help."

She untied the sash from her forehead, revealing an old scar. Then tied my eyes with it before I could ask her anything else, and said, "Spin around thrice and then take it off."
I complied, a bit taken aback by her candor. When I took off the blindfold I found myself facing diagonally between Contentment and Experience, nothing but dense woods in front of me...
She took the sash back and grinned, I was beginning to get what she meant...
"Where will you go?" I asked, grinning, not knowing why...
She shrugged, "No idea, I'll go where I feel like. Currently I feel like watching you make your decision. So what do you choose?"

I looked at the dense forest in front of me. Then at the two roads on either side... It was then that her words hit me... "I choose."
She nodded, her smile softening. I turned to the lighter, more appealing patch of jungle diagonally between two other roads, and pointed "That way!"
She laughed and nodded again. I began to pack my backpack.
She walked up to me and pointed at the knife that was tied on my leg. I gave it to her, then finished packing.
Looking up, I saw her standing, with her back on a tree trunk near where I had pointed earlier. Grinning mischievously.
She moved off, I saw that she'd etched the word 'Curiosity' with an arrow pointing to my chosen direction.
She offered me the knife back, I pointed at my leg which now wore another similar knife that I had kept as a spare. Taking the knife from her hands, I tucked it in her belt.
She grinned again, then kissed my cheek, "Well, what are you waiting for? Catch me! If you can..."
She vanished like a gazelle in the dense green and brown.
I laughed out, and ran...

NesQuarX
This one actually did originate from a single paragraph that I had written in a random reply to a friend who had asked 'So?' My thanks to her. And thanks to SS for providing inputs for the ending.

The madness that goes on in my head.

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:28:00 +0000

Trying to document a slice of my thoughtStream...
(Note, Left to right does not matter, the streams are simultaneous, sometimes even the top-bottom precedence may overlap.)

Stream 0 (Conscious 1)	Stream 1 (Conscious 2)	Stream 2 (visual - thought)	Stream 3 (auditory)
Right, am I writing it down correctly?	Stupid TDs and TRs, Google still couldn't refine their interface properly!	Forest night, superimposed with a google logo	Like a night in the forest
yeah, it's hard to keep track of this mess	Yeah this is tough, ooh look, my neighbour is staring at my screen	Mountains, a tangle of light-paths, buzzing with thought motes	Like the mountains in springtime
sometimes it's parallel processing	Hide? Don't bother? ... Don't bother.	ahh, walk in the rain, memory recall! Tangle of lights straightening, fading	like a walk in the rain
other times it's time-sharing... freaky!	Heh, what if that was the boss?	stuck in memory recall superimposed image of boss	like a storm in the desert
Boss? Where is he? Nope, not nearby...	Meh, still wouldn't have bothered...	underwater... (NSFW)	like a sleepy blue ocean
Why is that guy covering his face with a hanky?	Sit properly, is the headphone wire stuck?	(more NSFW)... headphone wire, extreme close up.	you fill up my senses
Cold? Swine flu? right... funny.	where is it stuck? examine, there! yank yank!	momentary image of a pig, then masked doctors in lab coats	come fill me again...
put on your glasses, you'll fry your eyes looking on the screen!	Yeah, like the glasses would help if it's bound to happen.	the live version's video, John Denver looks weird...	applause eh? Right! live version... coo!
Time-sharing again... How is one supposed to actually represent this?	That sounds fatalistic, how unlike me!	accidents, death, inevitability, 2012 movie clippings.	Jazz, nice,
A tree with the conscious node animated in time?	2012? That's utter crap!	Fretboard fingering positions,	mind following the guitar
Secondary streams?	They come and go... Not 2012, I mean yes that too, but timeline?	Animated graph with flickering nodes... tree without a beginning or an end...	guitar...
Yeah, there will be only one 2012 the year	What aboout alternate date systems?	calendar, 2012, blur, Jesus Christ, blur, flickering 7 segment displays...	Enter drums, guitar still being followed... talking... talking??
Damn, I'm losing coherence.	talking to me? Nah...	blur, colleagues behind head, fretboard, blur... too many images too fast.	Huh? colleagues talking... guitar...
Okay, stop, enough, enough. Stop	Write that down you fool...	Blog page with this post... random reader.	lyrics... mind not following...
Stop that music	Stop writing too...	Desktop... winamp... meditative white...	momentary blank...

There are many more subtler substreams and momentary flashes, can't follow... too fast, too fine, and most importantly, too weird (sick? raw? vulgar? choose a word).

NesQuarX
What? Don't you ever follow your own thoughts from a Third Person POV?
Huh?
Oh...

A tribute to the Pregnant Pause

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 11:05:00 +0000

...

NesQuarX

My favourtite and most used punctuation mark.

UnQuotes... Fresh wave.

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 08:01:00 +0000

What's this blog without UnQuotes? Nothing!

'If I can't have something by my own. I won't have it.'

'When I know people better, I tend to know them better than they themselves.'

On weird dreams:
'Imagine living out a whole life and then waking up to another one... you feel pretty wretched to know that the gritty number of years you spent to carefully plan your ascension and finally took over the world - was a dream.'

To an anonymous online moron:
'Learn to spell 'sexy' first and then talk about boyfriends and girlfriends.'

'I have a simple definition of failure: To stop trying.'

'Pain is a state of mind.'

'The absence of honesty is not dishonesty.'

'I'm honest about the fact that I'm not totally honest about everything.'

After writing Dearest Stranger:
'I was appalled at how much mush I could dish out!'

'I have more mood swings than a PMSing woman.'

'You don't buy a Lockheed Blackbird to take flying lessons'

'The knowledge that something is unknown is like an unscratched itch.'

'If I had ever prepared for anything, do you think the competitors would even have the semblance of a chance?'

'You don't find luck and happiness, you manufacture it.'

NesQuarX

Leaving already? But I was just getting warmed up!

Mandatory post-Birthday post

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 20:33:00 +0000

For some, it marks another year towards life, for some, it marks another year away from life... For me, it's a day. Almost like any other, except for the fact that people treat you nicely and you're expected to smile sheepishly all the time.

So now I have experienced almost 25 years of life, 24 in air. I'm expected by the world to be growing up, maturing and turning into a man and all that crap. Doesn't hide the fact that I still have pimples like a 16 year old boy, doesn't hide the fact that I love to run for the simple joy of moving fast, doesn't hide a lot of facts including my glaring weirdness. Oh well, 24 years has been more than enough to learn to take those in stride. What else they have made of this fleshly thinking machine?

Now now, before I get all existential and start spouting profound bullshit, lets take a lighter look on things shall we? It does put things in perspective... 24 years have taught that females are extremely simple unless you try to analyze them. 24 years have taught that you can't expect anyone to understand you - starting with yourself. 24 years have taught me that when you see something amusing, observe and don't interrupt. Oh, and 24 years have also taught me that everything that goes around is amusing in some way.

Was that light? Or did I just mix profound bullshit with lame one-liners? It's fun to keep you guessing than actually providing an answer for that. And I'm all for fun, anytime!

So what do I have to say about life? Oh c'mon.. Don't groan! A consumer has the right to an opinion of a product after using it for this long! So, what was I saying? Right... about life, uh... well... umm... Here goes:

Life is the process of doling out moments between post-coital bliss and a walk in the rain.

Damn that sounded weird... I know! Let's wait another year before trying that again shall we? I hope I can come up with something less cheesy next time! Till then, live on!

NesQuarX

So you decide it's profound bullshit after all eh?

The power of your dirty mind!

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 11:56:00 +0000

The heart is not the only part to mightily throb,

Alcohol is not the only tool for debauchery,

When a blow strikes hard it's not on a clerical job,

The world runs on the power of phallic imagery!

NesQuarX

4 line nastiness specially prepared as an instant treat to all who enjoy ... um ... the more satisfying things in life :D

The 8 things thingy

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 07:42:00 +0000

Okay I know this is out of character... but sometimes it's interesting to jump on the bandwagon ;)

Got tagged by Anish in his post so here goes:

8 TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH:

Any interesting Anime that's on.
Friends.
Random Discovery channel tech-docus.
CSI.
House.
An odd episode of E! sometimes.
Any other cartoon, if it catches my eye.
Tom and Jerry, rules the roost!

8 FAVOURITE PLACES TO EAT:

Home. Can't beat that.
Random street tea stalls.
Lalu da's - he makes the best chicken rolls ever!
KFC.
Kalim hotel in Chandni - awesome rollettes.
Sabir's Biryani.
Office cafeteria, hardly buy food from there. But eat there everyday :D.
Some choicy restaurants... long list.

8 THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY:

Taught a student for 4 friggin hours... 3 class combo.
Went existential only twice... that's a definite improvement.
Played improbable island for an extended time.
Had just 4 cups of tea and no coffee. I know, it's meagre... but didn't have chances.
Played around with 4 cats and 3 dogs. (home+streets).
Ran for a kilometer or so... Yeah I know I'm getting lazy.
Tried to pick up the chords for Annie's song. Gotta keep trying.
Went to bed before 3am! I'm proud of myself.

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO:

The next moment
A walk
Rain
Sitting with XheliOS (my new PC)
Food
Making something
Waking up
The Future

8 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT WINTER:

More food.
Cuddling.
More hyperactivity.
Blankets.
Dryness in the air.
Festivals abound.
Early morning walks (more like very late nights.)
Winter itself.

8 THINGS ON MY WISH-LIST:

Ruling the Universe.
Learning the piano.
A decent electric guitar.
Sushi from an authentic place.
A week's vacation alone.
More more hardware.
A month without a cold.
More superpowers.

8 THINGS I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT:

Life
Food
Tech
Females
Art
Information
Innovation
Complex problems (Oh, I just repeated no. 4!)

8 PHRASES OR WORDS I USE OFTEN:

Ahh, well...
Hmm.
Good for you.
Beat that!
I WIN!
Gotcha!
Muhahahahaha (Evil maniacal laughter)
Not really.

8 THINGS I LEARNED FROM THE PAST:

I'm right in more cases than I'd like to be.
People come, people go.
Life goes on.
Time passes faster than you'd expect it.
Incredibility is better than credibility.
Change is the only thing that's constant.
Patience pays.
Truth is relative

8 PLACES I WOULD LOVE TO GO OR VISIT OR SEE:

The crab Nebula.
Japan.
The ruins of Atlantis.
The Mediterranean.
The surface of the Sun.
The lonely tropical islands in South-East Asia.
The Fjords of Norway.
All the World.

8 THINGS I CURRENTLY NEED OR WANT:

Answers.
Sleep.
Few more lives.
Iridescence.
Money.
Recognition.
Control.
Firey demons from Hell for minions.

8 PEOPLE TO TAG:

I
Don't
Like
Forwards
So
No
Tags.
Kapeesh?

NesQuarX
But there's an open invitation to all my friends who would like to do the same for themselves... Assume I've tagged you. And drop a comment ;)

Rut Breaker

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:04:00 +0000

What do you do when you are stuck in a rut?
What do you do when you just can't make the cut?
When things loop endlessly, how do you break it?
When life gets predictable, how do you take it?

I just get out, close my eyes, spin around like a top.
Then I start walkin', open my eyes to see where I pop.
I just smack life in the rear, put it in high gear,
Kill the loops in here by shutting down the fear

Of change, of the unknown that creeps up unnanounced
Of reality, the one that used to be before we bounced
From life - to the endless loop that is here and now.
I write a pointless post about it, and then take a bow.

NesQuarX

another 2 minute hack job... just needed to post something. You likes?

Raindrops

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 09:17:00 +0000

Any pattern that forms on a window pane being pelted by cold raindrops - stays for less than a moment, and you could never see it again; this fact alone made it worth looking at. Or maybe she was just looking at it to make out shapes on the other side of it. The city streets were up and running as usual, maybe the rest of the world was as busy as it ought to be, people did seem oblivious to everything going around them. Or was she concluding that just by herself? As she couldn't, see their expressions from this high up... And the rain, it seemed endless, must have been days...

What was the time anyway? Ahh, her thoughts were exceptionally restless tonight. Perhaps the chaos of her mind was betrayed by the raindrops on the glass - Fascinating!

The room felt damp, must have been the kitchen window, she did not feel like going up and shutting it, somehow the mustiness reassured her, kept her focused around the now, yes, she had been trying to keep the past and the future at bay from invading her now... her now, her sanctity, her sanity. But not tonight, no, there was something about tonight, no one would escape her probing thoughts tonight, no one would dare, the raindrops wouldn't let them.

Her mind. How much of it was real? How much of it was now? why did every person in her thoughts come with a hundred faces? She didn't really care. Spider silk of relationships entangled with specks and blobs of people, what a beautifully delicate network! It was as beautiful as it was horrific - threatening to engulf bits of her in its knots! But the raindrops did not want that to happen.

Thoughts, memories, feelings, they lay scattered around like the pages of a freshly fleshed novel and she was going through them with the surety of the novelist who knew it would never make it to print. But anything could happen tonight, there was something about tonight, the raindrops seemed to notice that as well.

Something was causing discomfort. Was she hungry? Thirsty? Or was it some other physical oddity? There was a very distant noise... She reached under a pile of pillows and pulled it out, pressed a button, the noise subsided, though the lights kept on winking at her. With some thought, she carefully put the cellphone back under the pillows with the deftness of an oft repeated act. An unchecked smile half flitted across her face, there was this secret satisfaction in abandonment... something she never understood, she never wanted to, but enjoyed it nonetheless. She went back to watching the raindrops. And they watched her.

The rain, it must have been falling non-stop for at least Five days now - it may as well have been Five Hundred years, she had lost track of time long ago... or was it just five minutes ago? She could tell that a quick trip to the refrigerator would confirm her that only about Two days' worth of food was left from the week's supply that she had brought when she took refuge in her two room apartment. Five days! Did the raindrops know that?

There were tear marks along her cheeks, though the tears had stopped... possibly yesterday. She could probably have spent another eternity sitting just like this, and the raindrops would happily oblige her, but not tonight. There was something about tonight. Was it time already? The raindrops abruptly stopped in answer to her question.

She went closer to the window, the drops clung tighter to the glass. Each drop showing a warped piece of the streets below. A milieu of lights that she suddenly could not help but find comforting - compared to the darkness of her own abode. She noticed that she could see only those drops which refracted the lights below, not the ones which showed the dark sky above. It was time indeed. The raindrops had shown her.

She went back to her memories, this time picking up the bits which shone like glowing embers of comfort and truth. Some of them too hot. She winced at a few unexpected pieces, but did not stop the inflow, an unconscious drop of tear welled up in her eyes, one that would never fall... the rain had started quietly again.

Any pattern that forms on a window pane being pelted by cold raindrops - stays for less than a moment, and you could never see it again; this fact alone made it worth looking at.... Something was causing discomfort. There was a very distant noise... She slid an expert hand under the pillows... A different button this time? The raindrops would know.

NesQuarX

1st December, 2007

Old one. It is now that I find some glitches in the writing... but I don't want to edit it anymore. So here it is as it was written.

The Super University prospectus part 2

noreply@blogger.com (NesQuarX) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 12:11:00 +0000

Super courses continued.

Course #2: MSH - Masters in Super Heroics.

Eligibility:

Must be totally totally and stupidly honest and and put everything and everyone before self.
Special abilities - optional.
Money/power - optional.
Aspiring to save the World - optional.
To be able to constantly meddle in super villains' businesses - optional.

Course duration: 3 semesters.

Semester 1:

Compulsory Subjects:

Getting in trouble 101
Messing up repeatedly 102
Long winded moral speeches 103
Truimphant background music 104
Heroic super name containing 'Man' or 'Woman' 105

Elective Subjects: (Must choose at least 2)

Super Secret Hideout with a glaringly obvious cover 106
Handsomely grand (for men) or Terrifically sexy (for women) looking costume 107
One absolutely open weakness 108
Appearing/Disappearing without warning 109

Semeseter 2:

Compulsory Subjects:

Vast heroic exploits involving many people saved from dying 201
Banishing terrible creatures to other planets/dimensions 202
Averting mass destruction without proving your powers 203
Beating evil henchmen 204
Taking calls from the World leaders 205

Elective Subjects: (minimum 2)

Advanced henchmen - Beating an evil army 206
Rescuing hostages and blackmailees 207
Grand sounding Swedish/British accent 208
Being surrounded by hot specimens of the opposite sex 209

Final Semester:

Compulsory subjects:

Getting yourself stuck in elaborate death traps designed by Super Villains 301
Using subtle clues to find the Super Villain's super secret hideout 302
Watching stupendously stupefied as your mate is being captured 303
Beating sub-bosses in a variety of ways 304
Getting captured by Super Villains, being put in the elaborate death trap and waiting till the Super Villain leaves the scene (Ha ha they think you can never escape their diabolical trap) 305

Elective Subjects: (minimum 2)

Emphatically thwarting vast evil plans as Super Villains scream "Noooooo!" 306
Getting your butt kicked big time by Super Villains until you are urged by someone to rise and kick their butt bigger time 307
Sassy last words and sequel promises while posing with the people you save 308
Advanced messing up - including almost fatal mistakes (very very important) 309

Final Exam: Successfully getting yourself between a Super Villain's grandest plans, pissing them off big time, getting yourself almost killed but ultimately thwarting their plans, plus end credits.

NesQuarX

I was so lazy that I cheated. (You'd have NEVAR EVAR EVAAR guessed it if I didn't tell you!)