Feel free to follow me over there at: State of Britain

After initially agreeing with the decision to disqualify badminton pair Yu Yang and Wang Xiaoli after “not using one’s best efforts to win”, the Chinese authorities appear to have changed their mind.

Far from any accusation of cheating, Chinese officials assert disqualification shows the gap between Asian and Western standards.

A spokesman for China’s Olympic Committee said today:

“Badminton is a game of skill, but it is also a game of strategy. The competition is organised in this way, so playing to avoid the other Chinese pair until the final is simply common sense.

“Why is strategy like this against the rules? It is not cheating, just Western cultural bias invading global sport.”

It was also stated that the Olympic values of ‘friendship’ had been violated, as the badminton authorities had not understood Chinese differences and simply applied arbritary universal standards of ‘fair play’.

The Badminton World Federation said it would consider all legitimate protest and the arrangment of the tournament for the future, but the athletes would remain disqualified, red envelope notwithstanding.

As the new Socialist president and the German leader’s relationship flounders, Mrs Merkel’s criticism of François Hollande has grown ever stronger.

In a last ditch attempt to save the Euro, Germany has sent out a crack team of financial experts, one to each Eurozone member state, which shall report directly back to the German leadership.

They will hold no official power within the country’s government, but will expect co-operation in providing the relevant economic information, projections and forecasts, alongside privileged data related to their progress on austerity.

According to one German newspaper: ‘Germany will fight politically and use all its economic expertise within neighbouring countries to keep the strong ties that the Euro brings.’

Critics of the move believe Germany is exercising supranational jurisdiction beyond the terms of the treaties and agreements in place, forcing other European governments to operate as Germany wishes against their will.

Some more extreme examples compare the current administration with the Nazi regime. The Germans vehemently disagree. As one official put it:

‘This time around, all the governments agree that the German way is best for them.’

Speaking at the launch of the ‘Yes Scotland’ campaign in Edinburgh, the SNP leader Alex Salmond raised the possibility of an aquatic division between Scotland and England that could be constructed by as early as the end of the next decade.

The project dubbed ‘The Bruce Boundary’ would consist of a man-made canal approximately half a mile wide from the respective coasts at the River Tweed and Solway Firth, taking a more direction route than the actual boundary. Border control would be based within the small part of Scotland remaining on the other side, bridged only in the centre by ‘The Aurelius Retreat’.

Naturally, like the rest of the independence bid, this venture would be entirely beneficial to Scotland with no apparent downside, according to Salmond. He said today:

‘The Bruce Boundary would be a great asset to Scotland’s economy, whereby trade can pass through on the way to Scandinavia. Rather than being caught up in the traffic nightmare of the English Channel, vessels can take the Scottish Channel instead. What’s good for Scotland is good for England too. And the world.’

Critics of the move feel it won’t all be plain sailing, with voting intentions already suggesting the SNP’s figures are adrift. The SNP leader dismisses most as ‘English rhetoric’.

Many have suggested that greater links with the rest of the UK should remain, including established land routes, but Salmond believes there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Following the recent high profile arrests for inciting racial hatred online and on public transport, Nick Clegg has vowed to extend police powers to cover excessive politically aggressive insults and related obscenities.

Many Members have taken a great deal of abuse, especially via Twitter, due to their respective political positions, but until now it’s been generally considered fair play.

This will change under the Safety of Public Office Bill announced today, which would make a criminal offence of certain aggravating statements and general abuse. Nick Clegg said today:

“For too long politicians have been degraded. Taking up public office shouldn’t mean having to contend with such abuse on a daily basis and this Bill recognises that.”

Some would argue that with expenses-gate, cuts to the public sector while indulging the rich, wholesale manifesto sell-outs for power and deficit denial among countless other issues, politicians largely had it coming.

Mr Clegg disagrees:

“There’s a difference between legitimate complaint and defamatory abuse. As we tell our children, constructive criticism is to be applauded, outright insults and unscrupulous negativity should not be rewarded.”

It’s unclear how far-reaching the legislation will be and this has yet to be decided. Some commentators are suggesting it should include all sustained abusive language, including swearing and unpleasant tones. Others feel there should be exemptions for traditional political chants, like ‘Tory b@stards’ and similar intellectual retorts.

Critics of the proposed Act suggest it will be hard to legally define insults,  saying it could be argued statements like ‘Lib Dem wets’ should be covered under the Act, where others may deem it factual.

Unusually straying for his combative position of late, the Leader of the Opposition came out in support of the proposal. Having suffered greatly at the hands of online bullies compared him to Nick Park’s Wallace, Ed Miliband backed the government saying:

“I’m not made of plasticine – I’m human and I have feelings too.”

After this week’s botched attempt at deporting Abu Qatada unravels further, Home Secretary Theresa May has attempted to stay ahead of the curve by announcing that if the reviled hate preacher managed to avoid deportation until the summer that his deportation would feature in the Games.

The details of the Olympics opening ceremony have largely been kept under wraps, but it now seems clear that one person could at least feature. Home Office officials suggested a live video feed could be shown through the big screens within and outside of the stadiums detailing Qatada’s progress to Heathrow and beyond:

“We fully anticipate ‘this scumbag and his murderous mates’ will have been deported by the commencement of the opening ceremony of the Olympics.

“However, the Home Office has been running through various options for every contingency including the possibility of issuing all ticket holders with a box of eggs to pelt the car containing Qatada as it does a circle of shame around the event.”

The Home Office say they are welcoming submissions from the wider general public as they intend to make the 2012 Olympics some to remember for all corners of British society:

”We want to make sure it won’t just be British citizens fleeing the country for the Olympics.”

The formal selection process got underway this week as the BBC began to advertise the position of Director General. The selection process will continue for several months before the chosen candidate is announced before the end of the year.

The process itself will be different to what has gone before as the BBC have decided to seek out a candidate with particular political views. Candidates must be able to be an ‘inspirational leader’ and somewhat right of centre on the political spectrum.

Critics to this new stance suggest it will dangerously unbalance the neutral standard, but current director Mark Thompson was defiantly supportive of the move. He said:

“In the BBC I joined 30 years ago there was, in much of current affairs, in terms of people’s personal politics, which were quite vocal, a massive bias to the left.”

He suggested that attracting a few more Tories may broaden the range of BBC News beyond copying headlines and themes directly from the Guardian.

While the Conservatives were largely supportive, the Labour leader Ed Miliband was unsurpisingly shocked by the measures, stating that:

“This represents the greatest challenge yet to the established consensus on a number of issues. Some people believe it is to be the end of the world in 2012: it certainly will be the end of the road of trust for the BBC.”

Recently proposed surveillance measures could be used as health advice, David Cameron suggested today. The government could issue a summary of websites visited, statistics and recommendations for each household in the UK.

The Prime Minister is in discussions with senior MPs and policy advisers about organising a monthly e-mail to citizens regarding their internet use and advice on improving their internet habits.

Combatting extreme pornography and youngsters’ radicalisation via the net seem to be the aim. As David Cameron said today:

‘We don’t want to get to the position where the State tells you what you can and cannot do on the Internet.

‘As the government already intends to access all your information anyway, it could be helpful to send a monthly summary of the types of website people visit to each registered e-mail address, with useful hints on how to access the Internet in a more healthy manner.

‘Charts showing the percentage of time spent viewing hardcore pornography compared with more wholesome viewing, like re-runs of BBC Parliament or Jamie Oliver’s website and a traffic light system illustrating their presumed terror risk – things like that.’

Critics of the system mention civil liberties and a right to privacy. The Government however believes the risk of terrorism and similar is more important.

Stunned by the revelations that George Osborne could not recall the last time he had a Greggs’ pasty, Ken McMeikan, chief executive of Greggs, has announced a new range of high-end products to attempt to entice the Chancellor in.

The new range of takeaway food would be outside the average Greggs customer’s budget, clocking in between £20-80 depending on the size/filling and includes such culinary gems as the ‘caviar and salmon roe mini-pasty’.

A spokesman for Greggs said today:

“We couldn’t believe our George hasn’t had a pasty at Greggs in such a long time that he can’t even remember it.

‘In light of this, we’re happy to announce our new top-rate taxpayer ‘TT’ range in honour of his contribution so far as Chancellor of the Exchequer.”

The MP for Tatton could not be reached for comment.

 
Increasing numbers of Chinese people are becoming aggravated by the price of petrol within the Middle Kingdom. Many point to the United States’ prices and complain that while China’s economy and the local population’s living standards have yet to catch up, fuel prices at often over 8RMB per litre outstrip the prices seen in America.

The Communist party came out fighting today, pointing at Britain and the EU:

‘Compared to the countries the PRC has recently overtaken in economic terms, you can see that China’s petrol price is hardly anything at all.

‘Look at Britain – this so-called capitalist free market economy has more tax on its fuel than the total price of petrol in China! This proves that the socialism with Chinese characteristics is working.

‘The European Union has no strong leadership, so their fuel prices are also higher than China. Chinese people always find something to complain about.’

European critics point to cheap cheese and wine within the EU to counter this line of argument. And human rights.