As It Strikes Me

Etiquette For Air Travellers

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Mon, 05 May 2008 03:00:00 +0000

Cheaper flights have attracted a lot of traffic comprising even lower middle class people in India. Sometimes, it is economical to travel by airplane rather than a train. Air Deccan led by the visionary Capt. Gopinath has revolutionised the concept of air travel by his dream to enable every Indian to fly on low cost.

First timers are often nervous and anxious when they board a flight. They sincerely and scrupulously follow the on-flight instructions demonstrated by the crew. Its okay if they have to be advised by the crew from time to time on what they should do or shouldn't do.

But the problem comes from frequent flyers who cannot and shouldn't be pardoned if they ignore proper etiquette or conduct on flights. Here are my 12 most important observations which should necessitate strong action.

1. Not fastening the seat belt when you know you have to
2. Not keeping the seat upright when you know you should
3. Getting up for toilet when you know you shouldn't
4. Not switching off your cellphone when you know you should
5. Getting up to take out your bag as soon as the plane lands
6. Calling the air-hostesses for no valid reason
7. Unnecessarily entering into arguments (to get attention) with the crew
8. Speaking and / or laughing loudly with total disregard of disturbing others
9. Keeping the window cover closed when you shouldn't
10. Getting into a flight in inebriated condition and causing nuisance to all
11. Not making way for children and senior citizens when you should
12. Misbehaving with air-hostesses and other ladies

Of course, unfortunately, you can't throw out rule-breakers from a flight!

How Banks Drain Money

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 13:22:00 +0000

Banks are institutions people trust with their money - hard-earned or otherwise. They are the real businessmen, not Tatas, Birlas or the Ambanis because they know how to play with other people's money. And in the process they like to drain quite a bit of it.

I suppose the concept of banking was evolved to safeguard people from the unscrupulous moneylenders. But as they say the past had always been better! Banks need deposits from thousands of people day in and day out in the form of deposits. They pay a tiny fraction towards interest which in any case started dwindling day by day. If a bank charges the borrower 16% interest, it only pays around 6% to the depositors. Thus the net income made by any bank is about 10% of the total deposits which is unimaginable for any ordinary businessman to make after so much of hard work.

For example, SBI has is blessed with a capital of INR 5000 billion. Ten percent margin means INR 500 billion (or INR 50,000 crores). It has a net profit of more than INR 30 billion which is arrived at after "writing off" bad debts. In 2003, it had to write off more than INR 60 billion.Over-all, these banks do not earn even one percent on the deposits.

In other words, they spend 99% of the deposits handled for their own luxuries. Probably for this reason or in anticipation of severe beating at the next elections, the UPA government in India decided to waive off about INR 500 billion owed by farmers. No wonder, our great self-indulging banks would further reduce the interests on deposits in the midst of rising inflation. May be, the RBI governor will call it a day anytime!

I, for the life of me, am unable to understand where all the money goes. Ask and you will be told there are a lot of NPA (Non Performing Assets) accounts. Nobody knows or cares a damn about these NPAs. Who is non-performing? Borrowers or the banks? Some blighter got the idea of one-time settlements (OTS) and borrowers got away with the help of criminally minded chartered accountants by repaying measly amounts and defrauding banks in the official way. There is a classic case of an alcohol making unit which while making tons of money got away with OTS after conniving with bank officials for their 'mutual development'. First of all, there is no authentic appraisal system in banks when granting loans. The prevalent system of funding loans can be at best described as a 'financial arrangement'.

Take the case of this bank funding a grain based distillery. Now grain alcohol, at the moment, is not feasible in India but this 'great' colossus of bank sanctioned loan to the company because it is owned by a ruling Member of Parliament. Even before it started, it is a big drain. And who will pay for this write off (which is sure to happen)?

Of course, you and me.

How To Defeat The Kangaroos?

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 08:49:00 +0000

I am not at all surprised, given the wisdom thrust upon the cricketing geniuses who now earn their livelihood on commentary, that they are oblivious to the reasons for the kangaroos success on the cricket field.

Even a child watching cricket matches on the idiot box knows how Rahul Dravid, the wall, gets out. I bet my ball can get through the wall without any advice from Ricky Ponting. I also know how to make Sachin Tendulkar restless with off side bowling. For the rest, except may be Laxman, simple sledging is good enough. The tail-enders will be taken care of by Symonds. I leave Laxman because of obvious reasons or my secrets will be out.

That apart, now think of handling the kangaroos. Its very simple. Pay them back in the same coin. Except that you don't have to run into further troubles like Bhajji.

Look at the strategy of those wily kangaroos. Brett Lee behaves well like his future depended on Bollywood. He bowls over the wicket to the right hander. Then watch Johnson bowls round the wicket come what may! Doesn't matter if the balls go wide. But the damage is done! Contrast this with the Indians bowling. Now that Zaheer Khan is back home, you need somebody like him to follow the footsteps of Johnson. I mean literally - footsteps. Now if you don't leave your footprints (with a thud, that is!) a yard away from the crease, how are you going to get the likes of Dravid out?

Now the ball suddenly turns and doesn't rise enough. But, unfortunately, the Indian bowlers bowl short pitch deliveries which rise enough to be comfortably hit. Keep your bowling targetted at the footprints just a yard away from the batting crease and see the effect. The kangaroos, if you noticed, cannot bend much!

If you say this isn't cricket, get beaten again and again and let Ricky and his gang go on plundering disregarding fairness and etiquette. Let those unruly chaps once again mis-behave with the BCCI President. Remember that incident where the mannerless Ricky shoved aside Sharad Pawar?

Who's Afraid Of Ricky Ponting?

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 14:42:00 +0000

Elated! Probably after a very long time. After the Congress MP who is setting up a distillery looked the other side when the issue of my payment was concerned, I was a bit dejected. Now the India - Australia row over racism charges have placed me on cloud nine.

I am surprised our great Indian media has not noticed the supremacy credited to Indians by Ricky Ponting. I would give credit to Andrew Symonds ( I want to meet his hair-dresser), Brad Hoggs and a few of the other team mates. I don't know why Peter Roebuck is so upset with dear Ricky. Ponting is my new ideal. Why? I will come to that later.

After Sunny started firing his salvos at Benson and Bucknor, it has been the only topic on TV news channels after the second test match. After sometime listening to the same stuff, I thought I too could go on and on if offered to read the news - I won't need any script. After hearing the same stuff for the n'th time, who needs a script anyway! The BCCI was playing ping pong all the time. For a change, Star News was supporting Team India - a welcome sign indeed. Now Shilpa Shetty is insignificant. How dare did she level racism charges against that ugly duckling of England when Bhajji is charged with racism? How can the same nation be both racist and also its victim?

Now I will tell you why I am elated. Please don't label me a racist! Of course, if dear Ricky calls me a racist, its okay. It makes me happy to feel that Downunder is my underdog. I didn't call anybody a dog. Its Roebuck who has called so. I am happy that the composed Kumble has punctured dear Ricky's ego with a singular statement. I just wonder what would have happened on the field if my dear Saurav were the captain and the maverick Sreesanth was in the team! Probably pig-hunting is better than playing cricket.

Well, who's afraid of Ricky Ponting? I am. He inspires me to be brash and offensive to deal with people like the Congress MP!

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Eklavya For Oscars: Are You Nuts?

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 08:57:00 +0000

In 2005, the Indian Government nominated Amol Palekar's "Paheli" much to the chagrin of movie-goers. Last year they did better by nominating Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra's "Rang De Basanti." This year they have nominated Vidhu Vinod Chopra's "Eklavya".

Is somebody nuts? Of all the movies, the committee could spot this senseless movie and that too for Oscars. Somebody must be having a very low opinion of the Academy's grey cells. Close on heels of his sequel "Lage Raho Munnabhai", Chopra dished out this 'wonder' called "Eklavya" expecting to laugh all the way to the bank but the sensible viewer rejected it outright with utter contempt. For once, Chopra has goofed up.

Ekalavya is a mythological character. We come across this great personality in the Hindu epic "Mahabharat". After the great coach Dronacharya refused to coach him, Ekalavya made a mud statue of Dronacharya and started practicing archery on his own. Once when Dronacharya learnt about Ekalavya's skill, the former fearing that Ekalavya may surpass Arjuna in archery, asked Ekalavya to give his thumb as guru-dakshina (donation to teacher). Ekalavya obeyed his orders and since that day anyone perfecting any art on his own is metaphorically called "Ekalavya".

Chopra's "Ekalavya" is a royal guard. Any sane movie-goer will wonder what Amitabh Bachchan is doing in this movie! Chopra does not rest with Bachchan. He has actors like Sanjay Dutt, Saif Ali Khan, Jackie Shroff etc. stuffed up in this idiotic movie. I wonder who that foreign critic is who heaped praises on this film. I am sure he must have imagined India is all about snake charmers, rope tricks, beggars, poverty etc. And thanks to Chopra, its now adultery! As if once was not enough with the debacle of "Paheli", the Indian Government's committee again seems to be chasing films dealing with adultery. May not be a bad choice, after all, what with adult movies dominating Hollywood.

Chopra's "Ekalavya" certifies another immorality - corruption. You can walk away with any crime if you have money or influence. Indians have stood by the nation's age-old values and ideals. Unfortunately, Palekars and Chopras do not want to portray our value system which has a universal appeal. "Paheli" meaning 'a puzzle' was indeed a puzzle when it was nominated for the Oscars. Now we have a greater puzzle!

To expect and underestimate that the Academy Awards are just for cinematic brilliance and nothing else, is to live in a fool's paradise. If Chopra's "Eklavya" is a mistake, its nomination to the Oscars is a blunder.

The Stolen Nobel Medal Of Tagore

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 14:52:00 +0000

The Central Bureau of Investigation (CBI), it has been reported by the media, closed the case of the missing Nobel medal of Rabindranath Tagore.

Tagore was the first Indian to have received the Nobel Prize for Literature way back in 1913. An author whose own renderings of his prose and poetry into English were once offered as "correct the following sentences" in English language test papers by the British in pre-independence days, was recognised for his contributions to literature only when W.B.Yates had acclaimed him. So much so for the inherent malice in the literary world!

That the missing, rather, the stolen Nobel medal could not be found came as no big surprise. It would have been newsworthy if it was found like the adage in journalism - "A dog biting a man is no news but a man biting a dog is". What I cannot understand is why the case was closed? What is meant by that statement?

Suppose tomorrow someone, out of remorse, comes out saying, "This is the medal I had stolen" or some policeman picks up the same thief in another case and, by chance, recovers the medal from the thief, what is the CBI going to do? According to the principles of natural justice, the thief should be let off because a closed case is a closed case and has been so declared to the world.

Whenever I hear the Indian national anthem Jana Gana Mana ... penned by Rabindranath Tagore, I have started feeling uncomfortable. We are least bothered about our achievements, about our legacy, about our responsibilities. We have developed an apathy, nay, anathema towards sacred symbols, invaluable antiques and memorabilia. Not a voice is heard when matters concerning national pride and honour are involved but we are quick to respond to trivial issues with non-stop SMS messages. Is it because we feel, when the investigating agencies cannot trace missing persons for years, how on earth we can expect them to find, after all, medals.

I do not know how the case was investigated and whether any clues were found. I suspect - and strongly at that - the main cause of giving up the case must be the lack of – not clues - any information. I am told that unless some Jack calls up and spills the beans, no progress happens in any investigation except, of course, in a murder case where the natural suspects are made, by hook or by crook, to vomit the gory details.

I am surprised by the fact that the government has not questioned the CBI’s wisdom in closing the case. We close matters when reconciliation occurs or when bad blood dissolves or when justice is carried out in an equitable manner or when the accused is dead. I do not find any of these in the present case. When one's own near and dear is missing, after a long wait we may lose hope but yearning never stops.

It is not just that a medal has been stolen. The CBI must understand it is my pride that has been stolen. And I want it back come what may.

Should Sanjay Dutt Be Let Off?

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 07:04:00 +0000

Sanjay Dutt, the movie star, son of the late Sunil Dutt, protoganist of Munna Bhai series, was convicted by a special court for illegally possessing an AK 56 rifle way back in 1993 when the Mumbai blasts happened. He has appealed in the Supreme Court and the media, especially, the visual one, has started a virtual campaign. It seeks an SMS poll asking whether Sanju should be let off or not! As if an SMS poll would decide an essentially a judicial matter - a criminal one at that - and as is the case with all other such polls, the service provider will laugh all his way to the bank.

Why should Sanju be let off? Because he has impressed all of us with his performance as Munna Bhai ? Or because his father ( and now his sister) belonged the party in power? Or because the media wants us to believe that possessing a deadly weapon illegally is a minor offence?

Considering the voices of several artists, directors and other movie personalities in support of Sanju baba, I strongly feel his producers should write a script on the actor's life and tell the world what the end would or should be. Sanju knows very well, as all of us, what happened to the Khalnayak . These same movie producers and directors have been reiterating all along the ultimate triumph of truth and the victory of good over evil. Are they going to change the script?

I surely, like many, would miss him on the screen. He knows his weaknesses. His life was and is in a shambles. The only guidance - his father - is no more. His wife died too early. He had been in the midst of bad company. He, no doubt, effectively protrayed the role of Munna Bhai . We all appreciated him but let us not forget even Munna Bhai started on a wrong (illegal) premise. His passing the entrance test or for that matter a quiz was itself illegal - using unfair means! Regret, remorse and realization are on one side and undergoing the dictum of law and society is on the other . Some nemesis, this.

May be, if he were a politician, things would have been different after all. Let's hope he does not become an exception when it comes to judgement from the point of view of several criminals escaping punishment for much more serious offences or those who languish in jails for minor or no offence at all.

Indian Idol or Indian Idle?

noreply@blogger.com (Mohann) — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 03:12:00 +0000

Something is horribly wrong with the third season of the Indian Idol. Compare it with Sa Re Ga Ma Pa or for that matter Voice of India where you find gifted singers. For the Indian Idol contestants - no more than bathroom singers - facing even the tiny tots appearing on a similar programme on Zee TV Telugu would indeed be a tall order!

What's basically wrong? The selection process is conducted by four 'judges' of whom one is a composer, two are singers and the last one is a lyricist. This appears to be a weird combination. The two singers themselves do not seem to be in agreement at times. The composer generally seems to differ from the rest of the lot. For me Javed represents a layman. One hardly hears about the earlier contestants except, of course, Karunya who was left bewildered as to what went wrong in Indian idol 2 but he sure is making a strong presence as a playback singer.

Ultimately, its clear those who are greedy about the ten million prize make a beeline for Indian Idol while those who are sincere about a singing career rush in flocks to Sa Re Ga Ma Pa even if the offer is only half the amount. This is proved by the contestants of the latter programme, several of whom though not winning it, have made it as playback singers with several hits to their credit. Like me, I am damn sure, the organisers of Indian Idol too must be waiting when this nightmarish tamasha will end, even if it means kissing goodbye to ten millions!