There are an alarming number of buildings sinking in Florida, largely high-rises and luxury hotels. Researchers from the University of Miami have put down their tequila shots to publish an inspiring study about how these buildings are going one direction—down.

Florida is a funky place. We think that’s a fitting word. It’s got a diverse group of people, great weather, fun sh*t to do, and, oh yeah, a governor named Ron DeSantis. When he’s not riding Trump’s tiny you-know-what (thanks for the description, Stormy), he’s picking fights with Disney and just being an all-around weird guy.

In an interview with a 75-floor high-rise, the building claims to be on the outs with Florida because it’s sick of the bullsh*t. “I just want to stand still in peace,” the building said. 

If you were a combination of rebar, plaster, and cement and your only way to escape a DeSantis-led state was to sink into the Earth below, wouldn’t you?

It’s a classic start to a porno. A store worker and customer flirt in the aisle and then end up in the manager’s office having, well, sex. It used to be difficult to sneak a camera into a department store and film such an award-winning adult film, but now it could not be easier. Walmart employees asked to wear body cameras to prevent theft have now taken advantage of this perk, filming their OnlyFans content instead.

One video posted online even started with a store worker confronting a suspected thief. It seemed as though the body cam plan was in full gear, accomplishing what it set out to do. Little did we know it was just a ploy, all in efforts to get the purported “thief” to the back room for, you guessed it, adult content.

It seems like a no brainer but clearly Walmart execs weren’t too aware of the implications this “genius” idea would have. You wouldn’t give someone in AA a can of beer? You wouldn’t give a pyro a lighter? But the silly Walmart front office clearly wasn’t thinking.

Kudos to these employees. That’s two salaries for the work of one.

The now disgraced dictator is looking to sell his stuff. Since fleeing The People’s Palace after rebel forces swept through the country, al-Assad is now living in Russia, where he will likely spend the rest of his days. But the former Syrian leader is now looking to make a little dough by selling his family’s stuff. 

In a recent release, and the first since his abrupt departure, al-Assad advertised an estate sale at his Damascus residence. Judging by how much he kept from the Syrian people, there’s likely to be some pretty good stuff scattered around the mansion.

But the funny thing is, al-Assad is unaware that people already raided The People’s Palace and took that sh*t for free. Unless he wants to sell autographed bathroom tile and cut up pieces of carpet, he might be in for a pretty lackluster sale.

We’d say that it’s a wonderful annual tradition, but in reality, it’s pretty f*cked up. See, Germany (of course), has this Christmas tradition of chasing and spanking women around town, using some sort of horn. Sounds very inappropriate and illegal? Everyone else seems to think so. The kicker is, Germany has finally seen it too, ending the holiday “cheer.” 

But a group of women aren’t ready to call it quits. They want revenge. In fact, they’ve now started a new tradition—chasing and spanking MEN around town with some sort of horn. 

In what we would like to simply call “typical German fashion,” there’s a level of revenge that is oddly satisfying for the rest of us to watch. Let’s just hope this sh*t doesn’t take roots here in America

The Internet’s favorite spitter has decided to call it quits with crypto after a very quick fail. The crypto “memecoin” saw a massive launch and fans of Ms. Tuah were quick to think that she’d outsmarted even Elon Musk himself. But within a few hours, the valuation tanked, and Hawk T. was already looking for her next venture.

It’s amazing how quickly she bounced back from failure. After finding an abandoned thrift shop, she had the brilliant idea to open a traditional bank. When tech fails, go to the basics. While the OCC, FDIC, and all the other multi-letter government groups are very, very, very (and very, very, with more very’s) nervous about this financial move, in the spirit of the American Dream, they’re willing to ride it out and see what happens. It was rumored that the FDIC chair was found huddled in a fetal position under his desk when his assistant told him.

Nicknamed “The Hawk’s Nest,” this bank will be the first of its kind, doubling as a bank by day and club by night. Fans of this move believe it’s the best of both worlds. But starting a bank isn’t easy. Lucky for Ms. T., she’s a real entrepreneur and takes advantage of an opportunity. One minute she’s spittin’ all over dudes, the next she’s the next Bernie Madoff. 

Sorry, we meant to say highly reputable CEO of a new bank…and club.

It’s a tradition unlike any other. Oxford University names a Word of the Year after a public vote. This year’s word you ask? Brain rot.

While it is two words, for whatever B.S. reason, it counts. But we’re here for it, considering the word honors one of the best news stories of 2024—RFK Jr.’s parasitic brain worm. Sure, this is a serious condition that affects many people, but isn’t it a little ironic that the guy who Trump taps as the health czar has half his brain eaten out by a parasitic worm and sounds like he talks out of a kazoo?

If there was ever a word to describe this momentous man, “brain rot” certainly does it justice. Oxford recognized that and we absolutely love to see it. There is no doubt Robbie Jr. is thrilled at this honor. A local trophy shop has even offered to make him an award, free of charge.

Well friends, it’s that time of year. A time to let that inner glutton show as you shovel savory, sweet, and carby goodness down your throat. It’s certainly a weird year and politics are most definitely on the guest list, invited or not. While your dad and his brother argue over inflation, your mom and her sister yell about her sh*tty boyfriends, and your grandma likely drinks Port to drown out the mess she created, you and your partner can look forward to finally getting some alone time.

No, no, no, we aren’t talking chocolate, roses, and candles. Save that shit for February. We’re talking leftovers. We’re talking when the in-laws finally leave and your drunk uncle passes TF out on your dad’s favorite recliner, you and your better half can take advantage of all that food in the fridge and decide to have a late night snack. Off each other.

So, without anymore unnecessary delay, here are the best foods to eat off your partner and ones to absolutely f*cking avoid. For your safety, their safety, and honestly, society’s sake.

If you haven’t heard, Jaguar rebranded and people are all upset. With everything going on in the world, it’s really hard to give a sh*t about this. But a Jaguar exec spoke up about the extremely poor reaction by many to the brand refresh, saying the relaunch wasn’t meant to be “woke.” Not entirely sure what’s woke about the word “Jaguar” in a different font, but clearly it ruffled this dude’s feathers.

In an extreme reaction to the response, the exec publicly claimed in an interview that the company was just going to give away free cars. If people don’t like the rebrand and don’t want to pay, then f*ck it, let’s just give them away.

Jaguar’s CEO and senior leadership are utterly confused by the move, but for some reason they agree. If other brands start giving away free stuff when they get negative feedback, then Rolex, I hate your logo. (You can send my watch to this address…)

If there was ever an occupation to see way too much sh*t in life, it’s arguably a flight attendant. The amount of people they see in a day, let alone have to deal with in a day, is enough to make me want to vomit. But when they decide to talk about their experience, everyone wants to listen.

In a new tell-all book, a flight attendant has revealed some pretty unbelievable things, but most people have latched onto an environmental phenomena that may not be true.

Turbulence. What was once viewed as the irregular movements of air creating chaotic currents has now been revealed as man-made. In fact, airlines wanted their pilots to create a more immersive experience so they did just that. Moving their joystick around as if it was a weekend game of Beerio Kart, it’s the pilots who create turbulence, not Mother Nature.

It’s hilarious to read about. It’s hilarious to write about. But it ain’t so funny when my phone is bouncing in my lap while I try to watch my Sex and The City re-runs. So, Mr. Pilot, next time I’m on a flight, how about we cut that sh*t out? Thanks.

Yep, you read that right. Top players in the matchmaking game have decided to hit below the belt in what is most definitely the first feature of its kind. The “Rate My Penis” feature uses artificial intelligence to create a 3D rendering of your manhood, including it in your dating profile. While the highly controversial move has sent many into a tizzy, there is an option to opt out so you’re not involuntarily exposed to someone’s AI pecker.

This new feature accurately represents length, girth, and shape, allowing users to interact with your Johnson as if they’re shopping for a new shirt. The feature is currently experimenting with sensitivity and erectile function tools, which these apps plan to unveil come the new year. 

While users can choose to opt in and out of the feature, many have found it to be quite helpful in voluntarily choosing their sexual partner. For folks hopping on these apps seeking one-night stands, companies have reported that it has been the most effective feature by far.