New York Nonsense

Brooklyn, the Long Lost Frenemy

2013-07-15T06:30:00.000-04:00

It recently occurred to me how to explain the loathing of the hipster/yuppie invasion of Brooklyn.
Most people have no idea why natives are so concerned and bothered by the outsiders that trickle their way into our hometown. They get kind of pissed about it. Yoga studios, cafes, organic markets, far too many people wearing Toms - why do you care? Isn't it better than drugs, rundown apartments, and crime? Yes, and no....

The way I've figured out how to describe it is to suggest imagining Brooklyn as a best friend you've known most of your life. Growing up, over the years you knew this person well. You knew how they'd react in certain situations. Sometimes they were a little hard around the edges, and tough to get through to. But, still, you were able to look past all that because they were fun, interesting, familiar. You knew their favorite foods, movies, and hobbies. You knew how to get around the sharp edges to find the best in them. You came to understand them in a way that other people first meeting them would not be able to.

Then one day things started to gradually change. Suddenly they became more interested in something you had little to no interest in. Let's say it was wine. They began snubbing all your favorite restaurants became of the wine list. It started slowly at first, until one day you realized you hadn't seen a familiar waiter in months. This one little hobby began to trickle into more aspects of their personality. They stopped reading the Daily News and started exclusively reading the Wall Street Journal. They stopped watching TV entirely, gave up their favorite old hoodies, and refused to eat wheat. They started spending a lot more money then you had, making it hard for you to keep up with their lifestyle. Money changed them a little bit. They lived well beyond your means, without really acknowledging how this would affect your relationship.

Little by little your relationship started to dwindle. They started hanging out with a new crowd that, although nice enough, you just couldn't quite click with. When you brought up an old memory or funny story you shared with them, the group would nod along as if they had any tie whatsoever to the tale that was long before their time. Slowly you started to resent these people who pretended to know more about this person than you, when in reality they only knew who the person had become in the past few years. You knew their beginnings, their family, their longtime friends that they also distanced from.

Over time you don't feel as close to this person. It's hard to remember what they were like before they changed, but because you've known them so long you stick by them. Sometimes they piss you off so bad you're positive you're going to move away and cut off all contact. Other times you see a glimmer of the person they used to be, and you can't help but hold out hope that things can still be how they once were. Besides, you can't help but like some of those new cafes.

No such thing as Summer

2013-07-12T17:58:00.000-04:00

A new bizarre season has emerged in New York City in the past few years. How's the rest of the world doing? Have all the seasons across the land changed? I have decided to call this new season Hummer. Hum for Humid. Mer for whatever is left of summer -- which is basically 2 sunny days and a Popsicle.

There is no such thing as warmth anymore. You are just damp at all times. The air contains something like 100 pounds of moisture. (I think this sounds just as legit as the 47 day rain forecast the weathermen have been incorrectly predicting since June 1st).

You do your hair for reasons unknown. As soon as the air comes in contact with whatever you have attempted to do in your sticky, humid bathroom your hair becomes a frizzy or flattened mess. Your clothes will never look good. You are a constant rumbled mess. Stop buying things. Your upper lip. Don't even look at my upper lip. It apparently has 900 pores of its own that produce a wet mustache of disgust.

Sometimes when my husband walks in the door after a long day of work, school, and far too many trips on the disaster subway system of heatstroke, I am almost positive he has jumped into a pool fully clothed. This is an especially troublesome look when it isn't even raining outside.

But, of course, there is no such thing as global warming. Just those crazy liberals and their radical ideas...

Google Reader to the DUNGEON!

2013-06-30T18:56:00.002-04:00

For reasons I don't quite understand, Google is all like "we're uninterested in this service we created that a lot of people rely on to follow blogs, so BUHBYE."

Everyone seems to be all about Feedly and Bloglovin', but I've discovered The Old Reader. Its almost exactly the same as Google Reader.

Check it out - Theoldreader.com.

Cause I like it old school.

New York will be Better on another Day...

2013-06-07T20:01:00.000-04:00

Sometimes when it's pouring rain for something like 24 hours straight on your first "Summer" Friday, and you spend the whole day trudging unsuccessfully through the rain to find a dress you can afford for a wedding, it's easy to forget that New York has its good days. I promise it does. Today was just not one of them.

Memorial Day Weekend in the City

2013-05-27T20:30:00.001-04:00

I always see more of New York when the husb and I have family visiting. It's easy to not really see anything in a place you spent your whole. We spent Memorial Day weekend taking in the sights in the ever-changing seasons of New York.

Can't make it through a weekend without seeing some type of lunatic

(Lunatic human-sized toy soldier in this case)

Friday evening started somewhere at the end of Fall right before it turns into old man winter. We spent the chilly night that included an irritating cold rain at Citi Field, escaping before the game was postponed when the rain picked up quite a bit.

Bitter cold Saturday included a trip to see Annie (where I was transported back to my youth spent watching the movie OVER and OVER and OVER), and a big plate of gnocchi with the husb's grandma and little six year old cousin. There's nothing like a really funny, smart, mild-mannered kid to make the crowds, confused tourists, and crappy weather seem unimportant.

Late summer turned up on Sunday. It felt like those windy, warm late August days when you know summer is coming to a close. Thanks for the tour de seasons, Mother Nature. It was perfect weather for a tour around the Intrepid, a boat road on the Shark (we got SOAKED) at the South Street Seaport, and a walk around the High Line.

Even though it may not be feasible to ever leave New York for cheaper pastures, I have always told the Husb I will not leave before having at least one kid. There's something about seeing New York through a kid's eyes that is so much better than how adults see it. Everything is interesting, amazing, and hilarious. It was so much fun seeing the sites with a little guy who isn't yet jaded about the realities of New York. Even though we would always come back to visit - if we ever leave - I want a kid or two of my own to feel that way about their home one day. I want them to know a city that isn't draining or exhausting... just a place of fun and sparkly buildings.

Hope everyone had a great long weekend! They're too scarce.

How to Piss off a New Yorker...

2013-05-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

This, absolutely this.

Not knowing how to swipe your Metrocard might be my top pet peeve. ESPECIALLY when there is a train sitting RIGHT there on the platform. Hey, is your Metrocard failing every single time you manically swipe it extremely slow or extremely fast. Let's try to find a middle ground for the speed of your swipe, perhaps. Ever swipe a credit card? Why is this hard?

GoogaMooga Tries Again

2013-05-21T21:42:00.001-04:00

GoogaMooga, an all day music, food, and booze fest in Prospect Park managed to embarrass themselves again this year. Ironically, the husb and I had a pretty decent time both this year and at last year's apparent disastrous start. Although it was a bit smoother this year, the weather didn't agree and Sunday had to be cancelled after people stood in line in the rain for over an hour (so much for the insistence of it being a rain or shine event). Thankfully, we had Saturday tickets. The cancellation was likely the Park's Department decision, but Googa played nice and pretended they were about it too. It wasn't raining any worse on Sunday than it was on Saturday, but apparently the grass was getting ruined by the crowds and rain. Mmmmm, kay.

This year Superfly Presents (yes this is really the name of the company that puts on the event) gave up the concept of $250 tickets that included "unlimited" food and drink (which didn't manifest), for $79.50 tickets that got you 5 free cocktails. There was also a free lottery for general admission access, which was a cluster of confusion. There was no clear answer on how the lottery worked, and no way to prevent people from entering the raffle something like 16 times with every e-mail address they ever acquired in life. Yea, soooo, that didn't manage to secure us tickets even though most everyone else on EARTH seemed to win the ticket raffle. So, when the husb's pops was able to secure us comp VIP tickets, we were very excited! Free drinks, hooray!

A morning cocktail instruction session

In a nutshell the food options were still delicious, the included drinks were a nice touch, but they should have thrown in one free food vendor for what they were charging. The crowds weren't horrible and the musical acts were definitely better than last year's. Cell phone service was still a complete joke unless you had Verizon (they had an extra cell tower up), the communication between employees/volunteers and patrons was a cluster of confusion (go this way to enter... no you can go that way... you can get in here... no, you need to go there for your drink tickets), and it rained even though there was 0% chance of precipitation (not Googa's fault, but what the hell weathermen? Can we try a little harder?)

My picnic blanket served as a good umbrella alternative since umbrellas weren't permitted (even though, magically, everyone had one up)

Matt & Kim

I'll probably enter the ticket raffle again next year, even though I'm pretty sure there are something like 39,304,930 event companies that could do a better, more organized job. Then I won't win tickets again and will pout about it. Very few things can sway me from being interested in a quasi-free event that includes tons of tasty food and beverage options. I guess if you want organization, you have to do something crazy like go to a paid-only event and/or a restaurant.

Your Neighborhood Sucks

2013-05-09T18:30:00.000-04:00

Whenever I tell people where I live, they are quick to say a lot of the following:

"Oh.... where's that?"

"Oh, wow, that's a pretty long commute, no?"

"That's like the end of the earth!"
"Isn't that sort of in the middle of nowhere?"

For the record, no and nope, and ha!

It takes me about an hour to get to work in midtown, partially because I walk slow. I like my neighborhood full of real people, families, and young couples. There are restaurants and bars and all that jazz, and it's close enough to the city, but also quiet enough to give you some of your sanity. But, the hipsters are coming. Every year I notice that more and more of them trickle in. It's happening.

The rent though, sure beats the shit you get in "trendy Brooklyn." True life, this is the best Tumblr ever, -->The Worst Room.

$750/month room in a Carroll Gardens apartment via The Worst Room

What you really get in New York, because freelance journalists don't live in Carrie Bradshaw's apartment, by the by.

Subway Certified Reads: The Smart One

2013-05-08T21:40:00.001-04:00

I was in a reading rut for awhile, but the latest from Jennifer Close got me back on track. Anyone else fall into a routine where you pick out one lousy book after another that you just want to toss across the room? The kind of book with writing that makes you feel like you need to immediately craft a novel yourself, because if those books can get published than what the hell? *cough* Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through by Anna Goldfarb. (Clearly, I didn't this through -before picking it up).*cough* Anyway...

The Smart One is the story of the year in the life of a family where nothing is going as planned for anyone. Weezy is worried about her adult children who have all found themselves living at home after their lives go off track one way or another. Clare has just broken off her engagement and is dead broke at the cusp of 30. Her slightly older sister, Martha, has never left home after getting stuck at a retail job when her career as a nurse proved to be too stressful, and their college-aged brother Max is entangled with his seemingly perfect girlfriend Cleo, who has struggles of her own.

Close wrote one of my favorite coming-of-age books, Girls in White Dresses. The Smart One is a great follow-up, transitioning from the tumultuous early twenties to the brake-halting late 20s when you have no idea how you got to this place called adulthood. By switching up the narration from chapter to chapter among the four female lead characters, you get a look into what each women's silent struggles are without the sappy, shopping-fueled antics of fluffy chick-lit. I usually don't care for narration change in novels, but Close does it in such a seamless way that you never get lost. Martha's social awkwardness, Clare's purposeless existence, Weezy's obsession with why her children can't seem to get on their feet, and Cleo's surprising loneliness make the characters human in the most simplistic ways.

The story is not neat and tidy, there is no bow at the end, and some things are left open-ended in the way that life usually is. Close has proven she's fantastic at telling it how it really is. Things never work out exactly how you planned, but it's how you react to life when the track veers off course that matters. It's also what makes an interesting story. The Smart One is smart like the title suggests, funny, and relatable. I already can not wait for her next novel.

This book is definitely a: If you See Something, Say Something

*My fool-proof rating system for books
If you See Something, Say Something: Must-Read
Delayed Due to Train Traffic: Decent-Read
We are Being Held by the Train Dispatcher: Skip it!
*possibly not fool-proof

How to Be a Courteous New Yorker

2013-05-06T20:47:00.003-04:00

It often amazes me that in a city of millions, where most people will pass at least a hundred faces a day, there are New Yorkers who still manage to think that they are the only people on the planet. The issue comes most into play on the subway, a stank place where far too many bodies and personalities are forced to coexist in tight confines.

"But, it runs at all times of the day and night!!!" you may shout.

To that, I must say, TAKE A WALK. Come ride the rails of insanity with me for a week or two and see how excited you are about it then. Let us not forget the blind rage Discman-thrasher, the misplaced train rager, and the chick who wants to stare at you.

Let me show you an example of the WORST type of subway commuter.

Yes, I know what you may be thinking. My god, this is BUT A CHILD!

Yea, a child who is committing the ultimate faux pas in train travel. She is taking up precious sitting space with her coat and book bag during prime rush hour traffic. And her mother, fully aware, is sitting there witnessing it all without a peep. Only her penguin-sized tiny second child is between them.

For starters, this mother is THE WORST. I don't care how tired you are, how busy, how hectic it is raising two children. You teach your children to be considerate of others. Your THINGS don't need a seat.

Secondly, an OLD MAN WITH A CANE was standing right in front of this minion child. Even if the kid was raised by a pack of incompetent wolves, she is at an age where she should be able to reason that an old man perching on a cane is more important then her damn winter jacket, which needs to revisit the back of her closet. (HI MOM, IT'S 62 DEGREES. LET"S TRY TO DRESS THE KIDS APPROPRIATELY). I've actually witnessed a little boy get up to give me his seat, which I politely declined; and watched little kids turn beat red when I offer up my seat if they seem too tiny to stand on a moving train. This kid looked up from her drawing several times, and didn't flinch.

Usually I would eye the mother while simultaneously bopping the coat with my hip. But, somehow it became a social experiment (plus there was the guy with the cane huffing loudly and rolling his eyes). It took everything inside of me not to reprimand this kid. One day I will be THAT old lady on the train, watch out!

You may say, "eh it's just a seat and a lazy kid." But the problem is who this child will grow-up to be in ten years. These kids turn into that annoying chick from college that I occasionally see on the train who takes up an entire seat with her Louis Vuitton purse and lunch sack as people cram on during rush hour. She'll grow up to be that person who tries to sneak through the emergency exit door as people stream off the train, huffing in annoyance that you won't let them pass before you (ILLEGALLY!), and go the opposite way.

These people are rude. Let's be courteous, people! You're making everyone else (i.e. ME) grumpy.

Happy Cinco de Margarita!

2013-05-05T21:09:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time, Cinco de Mayo was a good excuse for me to put on a sombrero and stand in an overcrowded bar that stunk of spilled penny beers. Now it's a good excuse for me to try new summertime beverages that I would normally pass in the grocery store without notice.

Sitting in your apartment drinking a Bud Light? Acceptable. Sitting at home drinking a margarita from a can? Not that acceptable, or something I plan for my Sunday evenings on the regular (although I'm not entirely sure why not).

I picked up a pack of the new Bud Light Lime Straw-ber-Ritas while shopping for groceries. Although the bevs have the longest, most drawn out name, they are pretty tiny. They look like little cans of Minute Maid juice that you buy out of a vending machine at a museum. The cans are so cute and precious that they're borderline dangerous. I could see myself cracking open one, two, or three with a turkey sandwich over lunch, and then waking up four hours later in the corner of my living room with a malted beverage headache clasping onto bread crusts.

Overall they're pretty tasty for a malted beverage, which I usually find too fizzy. It was pretty sweet and tasted like a margarita (more than a beer), although I'm pretty sure there is no tequila in it. Anything that cuts down the time it takes to make a margarita is pretty good in my book. The only problem I foresee is Bud Light having to change the size/packaging of the cans when a few too many eight-year-olds guzzle these down after soccer practice when they reach for a Juicy Juice. Watch out moms and dads!

What's on Your Map?

2013-05-02T21:31:00.002-04:00

There are very few things I have found worthwhile from my Time Out New York subscription. There, I said it. Sorry, but Time Out bores me. I bought a one year subscription thanks to a Groupon deal that was too cheap to pass up. I was having a, "I need to read more about what's up in this city," moment. Unfortunately Time Out regurgitates the same information week after week, and it turns out that I don't even want to do most of the things they feature. (Except Googa Mooga. Very excited for our return to Googa Mooga, and this year my friends have tickets too. Woop!) There should be a byline on the magazine that notes, "by hipster for hipsters."

Even though it's mostly an underwhelming publication, I sometimes come upon interesting tidbits like this site. Apparently this chick had the best idea for a coffee table book. Like a coffee table book you actually want to look at instead of perching your coffee cup on.

Via Map Your Memories

The author went around the city handing out a map of Manhattan, and asked people to map it out based upon their NYC experience (AKA "fell in love here," "met my husband here," "starred in my first show"). Some of them are really great, and some are really lame. But, overall I think it's a really interesting concept. They're posted on her Tumblr, and she filled a book, "Mapping Manhattan" with the best maps she collected. There's also a map for Harvard Square, and I can likely see this growing to include even more cities because it's a decent, original idea.

I thought about filling one out, but realized my markings would be pretty uneventful. For the most part my map of Manhattan would have a cluster of midtown pinpoints along the lines of "celebrated my 21st birthday here," "drinks," and "happy hour," and downtown pinpoints of "first job," "second job," "favorite Mexican joint."

But, then I took a moment and realized that if I zoom out of my life, it's pretty crazy to think that my first real job was in Manhattan. My favorite restaurants are in a city people have as a vacation destination. I've even been mugged at gunpoint on this map! I've done a lot here. A lot has happened to me here. When did that happen? I still feel like the little kid who got excited to take the subway with my parents to see the Christmas windows (yes, Jewish people really like to do this too), and now I'm the grumpy lady scrunching onto the train every day for my morning commute.

Now where's "Mapping Brooklyn?"

What would your Manhattan map look like?

Things to Obsess Over

2013-04-24T22:09:00.000-04:00

Amidst the sea of articles about working moms, workaholic moms, and women leaning in and all that, I've recently become obsessed with the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). It's probably abnormal how much I'm reading about this lately. It's right up there with my reality TV sickness.

Basically the FMLA allows employees to take 12-weeks of unpaid leave from their job for family and medical reasons without losing their job. Most notably it's what we consider "maternity leave" in America. Sadly, the United States has one of the worst maternity leave policies in the world. I would go into specifics, but I can't even try to pretend to be a politico who fully understands all the gaps in this convoluted mess of a law. What I do know is that the system is currently set-up for women who don't have a lot of money or a huge support system to fail.

Problems with the FMLA?

It's UNPAID. I'm sorry, but really? We're supposed to be one of the best countries in the world to live, and we can't figure out a way to pay people for 12 measly weeks off from work when we're likely going to have to work for the rest of our lives? We're one of only four countries that do not guarantee paid time off for creating a life. This isn't an easy feat from what I've heard. It's not exactly like microwaving a Lean Cuisine, people! And, what are these other countries we're on par with you may ask?: Papua New Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Liberia. Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure we're more advanced than those places. Also, wait, WHERE?
You only qualify if your company has at least 50 employees. Working for a small company? Too bad, so sad.
It doesn't apply to part-time employees. Sorry Charlie.
You have to be working for the company for at least a year. Trying to further your career while trying for a baby? Well, let's hope that two good things don't happen at once, because you'll be giving birth on top of the filing cabinets and taking a sick day, or two, in between.
Sometimes employers still find a way to "eliminate" positions or replace employees during their time off.

Even though I don't have to worry about this yet, I do worry. I especially worry about things that I have no control over and even more so about things that aren't fair. There's something demented about the fact that the time in a woman's life when she's worrying about advancing her career also coincides with when she needs to start making important decisions about having children. The FMLA is designed from a standpoint where the woman isn't a major contributor to the family income, who can easily take a 12-week unpaid break (if she even qualifies), and diddle-daddle back into work. As someone who makes about the same as her husband, who has carried our health insurance costs for the past year, I have to wonder, why hasn't someone fixed this yet?

If you're interested in learning more, and taking action, check this website out.

A Kid in New York

2013-04-10T22:50:00.001-04:00

Via nymag.com

Occasionally I succumb to the impulse buys that are scattered along the check-out line at Duane Reade, Rite Aid, CVS, and various other drug stores across America. I usually try not to be a sucker, but I happened to be a sucker the other day.

A few days after writing this I spotted the "Annual Yesteryear" issue of New York magazine. I was all like "OEMGEE, OLD NEW YORK, childhood in New YORK! Famous New Yorkers!" MUST BUY.

"City kids are known for precocity and skepticism, and for growing up into prideful seen-it-alls who refuse to be impressed. But they are not unenchantable..."

Of course, everything in the issue that I wanted to read is provided for FREE online. Buh. Sucker I am, but the husb made a point, "now you have this issue forever!" I mean alright, I guess I could frame the cover for the fun of poor man's art. Fooey.

There's a lot of interesting bits of history about childhood through the years in New York. Like most parts of the country (and the world) the thing we know as childhood came about thanks to child labor laws. Before people wised up to how dangerous it was for kids to be doing some of the things they were doing, before child labor was a taboo phrase, kids worked. They were expected to give up their pay to help their families survive. They worked hard, but they still had a lot of fun, and got away with things no one would imagine a kid would do in today's nervous-nelly bubble boy world.

I'll never know what it's like to be a newsie (which is unfortunate because I think the redheaded mini me would have looked fabulous in a newsboy cap), but it was funny to read about some of the celebrity's takes on being a kid in the city that never sleeps.

"You've got to fight for what you want. You've got to hustle. You've got to climb. You can't just sit around thinking shit's going to fall in your lap. You learn that by just trying to find a f*ing seat on the subway and the bus." - Spike Lee

Friday Life Tip

2013-04-05T05:30:00.000-04:00

When you get a wedding invitation in the mail, and you know whether you are going or not going, fill out the response card and drop it in the mailbox on your way to work the next day.

Seriously, planning a wedding changed my life. I now am THAT person who turns around the response card immediately.

JUST SEND IT IN!

PLEASE.

Brides of the world thank you.

What Not to Say to a New Yorker

2013-04-03T22:19:00.003-04:00

People have said a lot of really ridiculous and stupid things to me about New York, but I have decided that one of worst things you can say to a New Yorker is something derogatory about other New Yorkers. When I say New Yorkers, I should clarify by saying native New Yorkers. We are different. It's just true. It may be a gross over-generalization, but I've found that it is more often true than not. From neighborhood to neighborhood, borough to borough, we will have our differences, but for the most part the strange bubble that is this city morphs a certain personality. You may have lived here 5 years, 10 years, or 40 years but you still didn't have your childhood here. Your personality was already formed years ago - now you're just tweaking it. It's like how dalmatians start without spots, then get them later. They can't turn into golden retrievers. Or... something, anyway....

When you say something nasty about the people who grew up here, those that have a bit of a different personality than you, louder mannerisms, "funny" speech, and maybe aren't quite so happy that you represent a movement of people that overran their longtime neighborhood with an over abundance of yoga, cafes, and suspenders we will take any commentary you make about the original inhabitants with us forever. For instance, saying something about your neighbors in Brooklyn, in particular, along the lines of:

"They're just you know. It's just so backwards. Like a piece of Staten Island."

*Blink* *INHALE RAGE* Have you EVEN BEEN to Staten Island? Yes, there are god damn lunatics running around that may have been extracted from an alien space craft, but you can't say that! It's like talking about someone's family. The person may moan and groan about their family all the time, but YOU can't talk about MY family.

These words will now always overshadow anything else said or done. Because, when you bite your tongue off when it's revealed that we are the natives Christopher Columbus would want to chase away, it is already too late. Contrary to popular belief we can cover-up accents and hide inside office attire. We are among you. YOU DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW. We could be hiding in your walls and air ducts. Don't assume.

Rude.

Poor Man's Art

2013-04-01T22:38:00.000-04:00

After looking at a big blank space above the TV in our bedroom (yes, I NEED a TV in my bedroom... don't hate), we finally hung up some poor man's art!

What is poor man's art you might ask? Well, in this case, it's something my husband stumbled upon on Amazon when he got a random $20 gift card. The husb knows I'm obsessed with all things old school New York. That even includes old school transit. Although my hatred of the MTA runs deep there was a time, long ago, when it wasn't the crapatstic, demon-spawned, sadistic MTA. Public transportation was made up of a few competitors: the IRT, the IND, and BMT. You mean a world where there were competitors and monopolies were illegal??? What's that like people of the THE PAST?

The husb found a perfect chunk of map consisting of Brooklyn and Manhattan... oh and that place the Bronx that requires a "the" in front of their name (no one goes there... in case you forgot).

Since the map is a bizarre size that not a single company makes a frame for, we waited patiently for a good Groupon or LivingSocial deal for a frame shop. Luckily, in NYC, frame stores run more Groupon and Yelp specials than those deals for hypoallergenic pillows. I can't get enough! Keep those pillow coming, Groupon. Pillow forts 4 life.

This was the quickest amount of time between a Groupon purchase and usage. The rest of them are just stressing me out. Now it's sitting pretty above our TV.

Yes, that's my hair iron that I was too le tired to put away

Here's the sad sight before...

Anyone else a fan of the poor man's art? The dude at the frame story actually thought it was an original at first. My husband had to correct him so that he wouldn't steal it and attempt to sell it on the public transportation black market.... yea.

On the First Year of Marriage

2013-03-31T12:10:00.001-04:00

One year is a long time. It's also an incredibly short blip in life. It goes by fast.

I never understood the phrase, "the days are long, but the years are short," when I was younger. As I've gotten older it's made a ton of sense. I look back over the past year and have no idea where it went. In the same breath, I'm absolutely positive that there were many days that would just ever end. Ugh, is it really only Tuesday?

People seem to be in one of two camps when it comes to the first year of marriage. It was either the most life changing year, or *shrug, shrug* nothing really changed. I'm somewhere in the middle. I won't lie- being with my husband for five years before we got married, living with him for four, I can't say I felt all that different after the wedding. I suddenly had a new last name and a piece of paper that told me my relationship was binding. People call me Mrs. now (I still do a double take - oh, wait you're talking to me?) and now I say husband instead of boyfriend (because I never cared for the word fiance).

But the ring, the ceremony, the big party, and the name change did alter something in my mind. There's something about being a Mrs. that makes you feel like you need to be a grown-up. I spent the last year trying to keep up pace with this mentality. Obviously we're married now, we're in our late 20s, we need to start thinking about the future. Time to save our money and reduce the booze budget, work towards career goals, mentally prepare ourselves for the prospect of children (but not yet!), and figure out how to file taxes together (slight fail the first year).

This is what married adults do...yes?

Turns out we're still the same people. We went through another year being slightly inappropriate and too loud. We do stupid things like forget to pay the gas bill for six months, and leave the refrigerator door open for 24+ hours. We drank too much on New Year's Eve, and are still figuring out where a job ends and a career begins. We have stupid arguments about laundry, and can't always agree on what we want to do on Saturday nights.

Between me getting a new job, the husb starting his MBA program, and trying to kick a sick reality TV habit (failing) the year has felt like a constant flux and a constant comfort of the familiar. The thing I realized most about this thing called marriage is that you've found the person to figure out all the muck of life with. Like you they're trying to make it work the only way they know how. Being married makes everything more permanent than ever, and somehow that makes all the things you want to do seem more possible.

Even if you feel about 19-years-old the whole time...

Happy 1 year to us!

On Not Being a Feminist

2013-03-21T08:00:00.000-04:00

This NY mag article about the return of the old-school housewife caught my eye. In a sea of articles about having it all, not possibly being able to have it all, balancing career and home life, and choosing to run off to live in a 300-square-foot bungalow in the Nicaraguan rainforests after burning yourself out - this article actually struck a cord.

I'm not a feminist, I just do what I want. Truthfully, I've never liked the word feminist. Can't we just be people that happen to be females that make our own decisions based on our own opinions? Do we have to put a word on it that brings to mind burning bras? We don't call men who do what they want "malinists."

I'm weird and a little old-school. Call me crazy, but I would like the ability to stay home full-time with my future (no announcement here) children until they are old enough for school. My mom stayed home with my sister and me when we were young. So did my Aunt. So did most of my childhood friends' mothers. Brooklyn can be old school like that. I always thought I'd do the same thing when I got older. Work, have kids, stop working, and then go back when they are school-aged. But then I "got older" and realized I have no idea how my parents ever afforded that. They still don't know. They always say it was just different times. Those wacky 90s in NYC before the price of EVERYTHING completely exploded.

The truth is I have no idea if my husband and I will ever be able to afford to live off one income in NYC. It's likely impossible and never going to happen. On the flipside of the foolery of this city, nannies and daycare are barely a viable option in New York. If you're an average person you'll likely see most - if not all- of a spouse's paycheck go to pay the nanny or daycare center. And after working in a daycare for four years, watching mothers drop off 6-week-old babies, it's no secret that the U.S. has turned a disgustingly blind-eye to the issues of our lackluster maternity leave. (CAN WE GET WITH IT?) The more affordable option is often to have the mother take the career break to raise the kids- and if the woman wants to do that, why the heck not?

The article is probably really controversial to most, but I kind of get it. I like cooking. After one too many burnt pots and pans, my husband and I have realized I'm just better at it. I don't mind organizing and cleaning my home. I have a sick love for all things Container Store. I hate laundry, but I'm better at it than my husband so I prefer to do it. What I don't enjoy is having to do all these things after a long day of work. God damn can I just have a bottle of wine and a reality TV viewing? This quote making the loudest, most controversial statement of all...

Why can’t we just be girls? Why do we have to be boys and girls at the same time?

Don't get me wrong I could never not work. I get bored easily, I need a purpose, and I like making my own money. But not everyone has the same passion for the corporate ladder. Maybe you want to write, get a part-time job, do volunteer work, start an Etsy shop. Not everyone strives to be the COO of Facebook, and is that so wrong? Your kids will grow up, and you need your own thing, but your thing doesn't have to fit into the mold of everything women are "supposed" to be doing because they can. I know what I can do if I want to, thank you very much. I'd go run for President, become the next Oprah (YOU ALL GET A CAR!) but nope, I definitely don't want to take that path. Is that ALRIGHT? CAN I LIVE?

Just do what you want. Make it work. And if you can't... just do what The Onion says (best article of the interwebz, ever).

This is Spring ...

2013-03-19T07:21:00.001-04:00

It's March, the first day of Spring is less than 48 hours away, and there is NON-STOP hail pelting my window. There's about an inch of snow on the ground- maybe more, who can measure these days? Is there an app for that?

This is unacceptable. I call SHENANIGANS. I am officially going to lose my mind. When they talk about global warming, do "they" really mean GLOBAL FREEZING COLDNESS AND IT'S COO' THEY'LL BE TWO DAYS OF 101 DEGREE TEMPERATURES TO WARM YOUR PASTY FRIGHTENING SKIN? I would really like further clarification.

There's nothing worse than an extended winter in NYC. This is mostly because everyone is g-damn miserable to the max. More miserable than usual. The issue with EVERYONE else being more miserable than the usual level of New York miserableness is that I'm pressed up tightly next to their miserable faces every day of my miserable commute. Everyone shuffles down the streets in their winter coats with a glazed look of hate over their face. Their winter coats are ready to be retired. Sometimes I see people walking around in light-weight hoodies or Spring jackets- trying to convince themselves winter has passed. These same people then get themselves sick as hell, populate the subways, buses, and trains; and sniffle their germs into the faces of wise citizens wearing winter coats.

It's getting vital that Spring gets here - people are demanding outside seating for brunch. Nothing says, "good morning Sunday" like traffic exhaust fumes along the side of your favorite restaurant....

SNOW, WHY!?

Google Reader, BUT WHY?

2013-03-14T08:30:00.000-04:00

I don't follow a lot of tech news, but when it came to my attention that google reader was going BYE-BYE I shed an internal, annoyed tear. I've tried other readers and they annoy me. Also, I don't want to have to download something to use a damn thing, Feedly. Between this nonsense and iGoogle going away in November, I have no idea why I use Google anymore. My new job introduced me to WordPress and I was all like, "woah, I need this instead of Blogger." I was unfortunately forced to take on a gmail account (because I don't think hotmail is socially acceptable anymore) when I got married and changed my name. Somehow my bizarre name combination was taken on trusty AOL. (I know, I know- who uses AOL? Me!)

When I was in college, my final paper in my marketing class was an imagined re-haul of the AOL brand. I think it's time AOL got it together. I'm vaguely aware that they have tried this, and are somehow continuing to try this, but I don't feel like it gets as much press as everyone else. With Google shedding products left and right, insisting that people want to use Google + (um, still not interested), and Yahoo passive-aggressively firing half their staff, I think it's AOL's moment to shine.

Bring it back AOL! Go hard or go home! I want to hear, "You've got mail!" blaring from computers again. I want to watch the little man run across the screen, while the modem screeches on (maybe not really, but I could go for an artificial modem sound).

Sorry Google, but who's with me?

Neighbor Pains

2013-03-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

When you share things like walls and ceilings with people, your neighbor's video game problem becomes your problem too.

I've never had anything against video games, I just could never get into them for the long haul. Maybe it's my secret, undiagnosed ADHD (I seriously shouldn't be allowed to read articles- especially ones that talk about often overlooked ADHD symptoms, which go undiagnosed in little daydreaming girls), or maybe it's just because I'd rather do other things like watch reality TV, read a book, eat a snack, or watch some more reality TV.

I had a Gameboy as a little kid, went through a Zelda stage on N64, and own a Wii I haven't looked at in years ever since it called me fat and lazy, and turned my Mii into a plump Little Orphan Annie-looking thing. My husband went through a Madden stage. It was at this time that I realized video games really grind on my ear drums.

Have you ever listened to the incessant blowing of a fake whistle while fake people fake cheer, and fake referees shout fake plays? That's Madden in a nutshell. For some reason the noises were maddening (ha, ha pun?) to me. Things like naps, the gym, and MBA programs got in the way of that time killer, thankfully.

But recently my next door neighbor seems to have developed a habit. At first I thought he was watching an extremely violent movie many times, on repeat, several times a day. Then it dawned on me that there was no dialogue, just a ton of explosions and shooting. Then it started to last for four hours at a time. A freakin' video game!! On his surround sound system. His TV is up against my living room wall...

I can handle noise. I grew up on a busy avenue. On a bus route. I have a very loud family. My husband is a really loud talker. When people don't listen to me, I often shout at them. But the sound of shit blowing up all day, all night long is making me lose MY MIND. I'm developing a jumpy twitch.

Anyone know someone looking for a boyfriend with their own place in Brooklyn?

Thinking Makes You Le Tired

2013-03-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

It's a crazy concept, but thinking hard all day makes you extremely SPENT. After spending four years at my last job, I was basically on autopilot for the last two. It wasn't that I didn't think -- it's just that I ran out of reasons to have to. Is that bad? It's the truth.

Besides for the usual of figuring out a million new processes that the first few weeks of a new job brings, I will actually have to continuously think once I get all that under wraps. I know most people might assume that's pretty obviously the point of a job, but you tend to forget that is so if you get cornered into the wrong position for awhile.

I know a lot of people babble on about how spending one day in a job that doesn't challenge you is a day too long, and womp womp you only live once so follow your dreams, but um.... that's not what real life is.

Real life is bills, student loans, a down economy, living in one of the most competitive cities in the freakin' world, being in a highly limited field on the decline that doesn't have a helluva lot of job movement, and making do with what you have. You gotta do what you gotta do, and sometimes people are a little too delusional for my liking.

I've read a lot of good books lately, ate some good steak in the city, made a few good recipes, and have to wax poetic about New York's endless winter. But... I am le tired. (And if you don't know what that is in reference to then you need to immediately watch this classic bit of internet goodness - from 2003!!! I AM OLD)!

Because my life is a sitcom...

2013-02-27T08:00:00.000-05:00

I put in a request for a replacement part for my awesome Sharper Image chopper (because chopping garlic sucks). The little mixing bowl cracked, and I contacted "parts replacement" for a new bowl so I could continue my spree of garlic consumption. I sent all the necessary information to Customer Service, and it seemed like everything was set.

I came home to a juicer today...

I don't like juice.

Also, my new job is going great. I'm busy all day, the day flies, and I like what I'm doing. There is lot to learn but luckily everyone is nice, and my boss is really easy to work with and helpful. Oh, and her last day is next week because she just got a new job...

Only me. Only me.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2013-02-22T08:30:00.000-05:00

Girl Scout cookie season! I could easily eat a box or two completely on my own. And, I'm oddly creeped out by the doppleganger version of my childhood self on the box. Is there a universal redhead gene out there?

So, here's something random I learned when trolling Instagram in mass confusion. Apparently two different bakers make girl scout cookies. Depending on what company distributes to your area, Samoas may be called Caramel DeLites where you live. Madness! They are Samoas! Also, Tagalongs are called Peanut Butter Patties or some such nonsense by the altered universe cookie company. I guess I have to stay in New York forever in fear of having to eat cookies one day by the wrong name. (This could throw off my entire equilibrium).

What's your favorite girl scout cookie?