As My World Turns - A Conservative Mom in Her "Right" Mind

Let's play catch up!

2009-01-02T12:05:00.000-06:00

Wow, it’s been a long, long, long time since I’ve been on here. Things in my life have changed so much since I last actively blogged on blogger. I’m now extremely active on MySpace, Facebook and BikerOrNot. Don’t really have much time to blog anymore but find those a great way to keep up with friends in my life, both here in the ATX and around the world. So, some updates in my life . . .

Em is now 7 years old and comes up to my shoulder almost (yes, she’s HUGE! At her 2 year check up they said she’d be 6’1” – give or take 3 inches on either side . . . shorter side please!). She had her tonsils taken out the first day of Christmas break. Better to get them done now than to wait any longer and since the recovery period is 2 FULL weeks, this was the optimal time to do them. Her tonsils were so bad, not only were they touching in the back to where you couldn’t see any of her throat when she opened her mouth, they were also putting pressure on her Eustachian tubes (?) and causing hearing problems and when she would sleep at night, after her body relaxed, they would collapse into her throat, blocking her airway and cause serious sleep apnea. She’s been with her dad since Christmas day and I miss her terribly. I can’t wait to have her back with me.

My ex and I are still at odds from time to time but on the whole we’ve found a civil spot – long as we’re not around each other too long or talk to each other too much. He’s expecting his second child any day now with the hooker he had an affair on me with. Still not married, though they pretend they are, but he said at one time he had no intention of getting married again, soooo . . . Part of me feels sorry for her but most of me says, “NAH!” She got what she wanted and I’m sure they’re both fairly miserable from what Emily tells me. “They fight a LOT mommy and are always yelling at each other and saying bad, baaaaaad words to each other.” Better her than me.

My job is wonderful! I left my previous employer after being laid off the summer of 2007, then having the lay-off rescinded b/c their executive assistant left and they told me that a week before my lay-off was supposed to occur so I had been looking for another job and found a PRIMO one much close to home. I still work for a DOD defense contractor and love my company and what we do for our men and women in uniform. Only now, instead of taking care of about 40 people, I’m taking care of about 375 people, helping the extremely busy executive assistant out and backing up the front desk for security as well. Believe it or not, there is a decent amount of down time. All in all, this is by FAR the BEST job I’ve ever had and I’m so proud to be here!

I’ve also moved in with this GORGEOUS apartment about 8 minutes from my work with one of my very best friends. She’s wild, crazy, fun and a real sweetheart. Emily calls her “Aunt Ashley” or “My AshAsh”. It’s fun to watch those two together b/c they completely adore each other. She just turned 21, and while that’s a 14 year age difference between me and her, she is mature, responsible and just about the best friend I’ve ever had. She has become family to me. Sad thing is, my ex is mildly obsessed with her and has a slight thing for her. Ash is grossed out and creeped out by it. So am I. I guess my ex likes ‘em young, huh? ICK factor to 11!

So, the biggest news . . . after over 5 years of being single (2 ½ of being separated and almost 3 years of being divorced now) I have the most perfectly amazing and wonderful man in my life.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect, but he IS perfect for ME! Funny how we can have known the same people, hung with the same bands and been to the same places for the past 15+ years and never met until this year. He's certainly no prince charming, he's a roughneck lineman rigger on a Harley who makes me feel like I'm the only one in the room when he looks at me and he looks at me with his heart in his eyes. Oscar's better than a prince charming b/c he's GENUINE and prince charmings are too high maintenance anyway. He's given me a reason to smile when I think of a relationship and I get big time butterflies when I think of him. He GETS me and understands me and is patient with me. LOL! I don't know where this is going to go but I'm looking forward to the ride and finding out. So far, after 5 months of being together, it’s done nothing but get better! I have a feeling that this is IT. He is my best friend. He is the first one I want to talk to in the morning and the last person whose voice I want to hear before going to bed at night. I have no secrets from him and I can be myself in ALL my dorky glory and he loves me for who I am. Aside from my precious daughter he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He is everything to me and he tells me all the time that I am for him too. This is how it was supposed to be all along. He’s only the 2nd person in my life that I’ve ever been IN love with and I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him. He's a damn good man with a heart of gold.

And, I LOVE hopping on the back of his Harley and riding around in the Hill Country. It’s sooooo stress relieving and relaxing. In fact I’m going to be taking a rider’s course soon in order to learn how to actually be in control of a bike instead of always being the passenger. Who knows, I might get one of my own. LOL!

If it goes further than what we have right now – and I can say with 99% certainty that it will, it’s not going to be without its challenges though. He recently was given sole custody of his 10 year old daughter, Patty, who has cerebral palsy and who has been used to being the absolute center of attention, spoiled with NO rules when she was at her moms and she’s gotten really good at manipulation so it’s been difficult at times having her with Emily b/c she doesn’t understand why Emily gets the attention too and it’s not Patty’s way all the time anymore and throws these MONSTER tantrums with screaming and crying and slamming and hitting things and poor Emily ends up trying to give up what she has or what she wants to do in order to appease Patty and both Oscar and me are trying to stop that behavior. Patty TRULY doesn’t think she is doing anything wrong by flipping out even though she knows she shouldn’t do it. It gets frustrating but it’s going to have to be dealt with to the point she understands that what she is doing IS wrong. She also just can not be quiet, even when you ask her to and is very, very needy for attention so that can grate on the nerves a lot. Don’t get me wrong. Patty can be a VERY sweet and loving child with a huge heart and a bigger smile but her behavior is not easy to deal with at times even though I do love her. Just one of the many challenges of a mixed family to deal with. Er, not that we’re a family . . . yet.

All in all, 2008 started out pretty crappy but ended up as some of the best times of my life. I can’t wait to see what 2009 has in store for me, especially where Oscar is concerned! I’m excited about the future for the first time in YEARS! May all your dreams become reality and all your wishes come true and may 2009 be filled with love, laughter and friendship for you!

My 9/11 Tribute - 6th anniversary

2007-09-11T06:46:00.000-05:00

To give you fair warning, this is NOT a PC post. To me Politically Correct means Pure Crap. This is strictly my opinion and heart-felt belief. If you don't agree, well, honestly, I really don't care. I posted most of this last year but made a few changes/additions for this year.

God bless America, God bless all of our men and women in uniform - from military to law enforcement, and God bless us all.

Nicole
=====================================================================================

The 6 year anniversary of the attack on OUR HOME TURF by Muslim terrorists is upon us. Say what you want - that these men "hijacked" a so-called "peaceful" religion, fact is every single one of them was Muslim. Every single one. On September 11, 2001 they didnt hijack their religion, they hijacked 4 planes, here, in America, our home. They murdered over 3,000 people, not just Americans but of all nationalities and all religions - all in the name of their "religion of peace". We are not at war with a few select people, we are are war with a religion. Fact is, Islam calls upon it's "true" followers to kill by the sword those who do not convert to their religion. How is that "peaceful"?

Let me clarify, I do NOT hate Muslims, but I believe that they follow a completely misguided religion. I have Muslim friends who call themselves "moderate" and they are wonderful people. In the eyes of the extremist, hard-line Muslim, they are just as "worthy" as me of death. It is true that the majority of Muslims are not associated with extremists, however, with the exception of a handful of them, I want to know where their outrage is at these atrocities that their fellow Muslims have perpitrated against others - including those of their own faith that they deem as "too moderate" or "too Western thinking"? If extremist or fundamentalist Islamists account for only 10% of the Islamic faith, 10% of 2 Billion is still 200 million extremists who want to kill in the name of their "God". Why do not the other 1.8 BILLION Muslims do something about their extremist Muslims if they find what they do reprehensible? Or do they find it to be so? If their "God" is one of love and peace like they proclaim, then why does he command in their "holy" book to kill those who do not believe as Muslim's believe? Is that what a loving and peaceful God does? No.

Today's terrorists and extremists are not truly "God fearing", or "God loving", or even "God following" but rather evil, sick, twisted and narrow minded men that think that they can overcome and subjugate everyone that is not like themselves with their murderous ways.

No true God or prophet tells his followers to KILL those that don't believe in him or stand in their faith's way... And if if there is a God or prophet that says to kill all those that don't believe in him, or follow him... Then I say they are not THE true God or a true prophet of God, but rather just another of history's many past false gods, prophets and twisted leaders that can only be found when you search through some of the most painful past of human history.

Even the majority of Americans it seems have adopted an apathetic attitude about the atrocities that happened on 9/11. People don't want to hear about it anymore b/c it offends their sense of political correctness. They're so wrong. It is time to revisit those events of 9/11. Tragic, horrific and a waste of life. 9/11 WAS and IS the beginning of the war of Islam against America, Christianity and Judaism. Regardless of what is said by various clergy, ministers, priests and even the Pope himself, "Allah" is NOT the same name for God. The god of Islam IS NOT the same as the God of Christianity. The god of Islam sends your sons to die for him whereas the God of Christianity sent His Son to die for YOU.

It's ok to get angry when you see these images and remember what happened, it's ok to cry, the time for political correctness is over. They still want to kill us and they will not change their minds through "talking", "sanctions" or "negotiations". It's time for the liberals in Hollywood and in the Senate and Congress to remember that, lest they run American into the ground and turn it over to the very people who support the terrorists in order to be "politically correct" and appease those who perpitrated this act against not only us, but the world as they try and force others to bend to their will by violence and death.

Remember what happened and who did it. Take back America from those who would destroy Her in the name of appeasement and political correctness. Stand for what you believe in. Loving your country, supporting your troops and being unashamedly patriotic IS NOT A CRIME!!!

WARNING: Some of these videos include very disturbing images of the planes hitting the Towers as it was broadcast on the TV channels. There is also some mild profanity due to home videos that captured the first plane slamming into the North Tower at 8:46 AM EST.

Please, God, may we NEVER FORGET and may these images remind us just what is at stake. Our faith, our freedom, our sovereignty and our very lives.

This tribute is the Christian one that was the subject of the above quote. It is a stirring and beautiful tribute. Click here for this amazing flash presentation

This next tribute had me crying uncontrollably the first few times I listened to it and it still makes the tears flow every time I listen to it. It is a new rendition of the song "Heaven" but it also has a little boy talking to his daddy on September 11, 2002, a year after his daddy died in the WTC attack. He doesn't understand the true concept of death and what happened to his daddy and it is just heartbreaking to hear him talk to his daddy.

FreeVideoCoding.com

Click here to download this 9/11 Remix of "Heaven"

Some of the best tributes via YouTube...

My Immortal Tribute

Only Time/President Bush's Speech Tribute

What A Wonderful World Tribute

For some other tributes, please click the following links to open up the tribute in a new browser to watch separately.

Excellent Flash tribute with the music of Sarah McLaughlin's "Angels"
"Tears"

The following Macromedia Flash Tribute uses the Enya song "Only Time" as the background for its presentation, this tribute is longer and follows timelines past the day of the attack. It does include some images of WTC jumpers, which can be disturbing for some.
"Only Time Tribute"

Extremely touching tribute set to the music "Can't Cry Hard Enough" by Victoria Williams
"Can't Cry Hard Enough"

A lovely tribute for the Heroes of Flight 93
"Little Did She Know...She'd Kissed A Hero"

FIREMEN'S PRAYER

When I am called to duty, God,
Where’re the flames may rage,
Give me strength to save some life
Whatever be its age.
Help me embrace a little child
Before it is too late,
Or save some older person from
The horror of that fate.
Enable me to be alert,
And hear the weakest shout
And quickly and effectively
To put the fire out.
I want to fill my calling
And give the best in me.
To guard my every neighbor
And protect his property;
And if according to Your will,
I have to lose my life
Please bless with Your protecting hand
My children and my wife.
Amen.

POLICE OFFICER'S PRAYER

Lord I ask for courage
Courage to face and
Conquer my own fears...
Courage to take me
Where others will not go...

I ask for strength
Strength of body to protect others
And strength of spirit to lead others...

I ask for dedication
Dedication to my job, to do it well
Dedication to my community
To keep it safe...

Give me Lord, concern
For others who trust me
And compassion for those who need me...

And please Lord
Through it all
Be at my side...

Three different versions of A Soldier's Prayer

Soldier's Psalm 91 Prayer
By Harriet Yoder
O Lord Most High, help me to dwell in your secret place and abide under Your shadow.

Help me to believe and say out loud for everyone to hear that You are my refuge and my fortress; that You are my God; and that in You I put my trust.

O Lord God Almighty, please deliver me from hidden traps and diseases.

Father God, cover me with Your camouflage; hide me under Your wings; and let Your truth be my shield and buckler against the fiery darts—the lies—of the enemy.

Lord Jesus, help me not to be afraid of terrorists' attacks in the night; or weapons that fly by day; or sicknesses that walk in darkness; or destruction that wastes at noonday.

O Holy God, though a thousand fall at my side, and ten thousand fall at my right hand; please let it not come close to me and my companions.

O Lord Most High, let me live to see the reward of the wicked, because You are my refuge and my home. Let no evil conquer me and let no plague come into my house or near my family.

O Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer, please set angels over me to keep me in all Your ways, to bear me up in their hands and to keep my feet from stumbling.

Father God, help me to tread upon the lion and adder and trample the young lion and the dragon under my feet.

Lord Jesus, I love you with all my heart and I know Your name. Deliver me and lift me on high to soar with the eagles. I call upon you to be with me in times of trouble to deliver and honor me because I know Your name. Please show me Your salvation and satisfy me with a long life.

I ask this prayer in the name of Jesus Christ

Amen.

A Soldier's Prayer
God our Father,
Help me to remain true to my ideals
during my service to my country.
Help me be what is in America,
the land of the free.
May I realize that I represent
what our country stands for.
My uniform is a symbol of duty and valor both in peace and in war.
I take up arms to defend what all Americans hold dear:
life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Grant me the strength to live according to these ideals,
the courage of my convictions,
and the resolve to endure whatever dangers threaten.
With you at our side I fear no evil
and resist every enemy,
secure in the knowledge
that you hold me in the palm of your hand.
Amen.

The Soldier's Prayer
By Jeremy R. Gipson
Now I lay me down to sleep
Another day I did survive.

Tomorrow when the morning breaks
I pray the Lord my soul revive.

Give me courage. Give me strength.
Help me fight for what is right.

Bless my wife and children, Lord,
Give them rest and peace tonight.

Please protect my fellow soldiers
As we trek across the sand.

And when the battle rages
Help us boldly take our stand.

And when protesters back in my homeland
Wave their banners high -

Help them know they could never enjoy freedom
Had not a soldier died.

Free - One Marine speaks his mind

2007-08-13T21:06:00.000-05:00

This guy is truly awesome! He is a Marine and this is his slam. For those of you who don't know what slam is it's style of poetry that is "kind of" like rap.

What this Marine says is so true. I have posted to words to this below the video

Thank you to all who fight for the freedoms that we enjoy and who sacrifice to keep us safe. You have my undying, never ending gratitide and appreciation. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

~ Nicole B

Free

and She called...
Blacks, Whites...wait
African Americans and Caucasians, Asians, excuse me.
Vietnamese, Philipenes, Koreans and Jamaicans or
Haitans, waitin' Hispanics y'all.

Please be paitent
Mexican, Puerto Ricans, Venezualean, Cuban, v Dominican, Panamanian Democrats
I beg your pardon, you partied with the late, great Reagan?
Republican, Independent, Christian, Catholic,
Methodist, Baptist, 7th Day Adventist, 5 Percenters,
Hindu, Sunii Muslim, Brothers and Sisters who never seen the New York city
skyline when the twin towers still existed.
But still She called.

From the bowels of Ground Zero she sent this 911 distress signal.
Because She was in desperate need of a hero,
and didn't have time to decipher what to call 'em,
so she called 'em all Her children.
The children of the stars and bars who needed to know nothing more than the fact that she called.
The fact that someone attempted to harm us
this daughter who covered us all with her loving arms.
And now these arms are sprawled across New York City streets.
A smoke filled lung, a silt covered faced,
and a solitary tear poured out of her cheek.
Her singed garments carpets Pennsylvania Avenue and the Pentagon was under her feet.
As she began to talk, she began to cough up small particles of debris
and said, "I am America, and I'm calling on the land of the free."
So they answered.

All personal differences set to the side
because right now there was no time to decide which state building the Confederate flag should fly over,
and which trimester the embryo is considered alive,
or on our monetary units, and which God we should confide.
You see, someone attempted to choke the voice
of the one who gave us the right for choice,
and now she was callin.
And somebody had to answer.
Who was going to answer?

So they did.
Stern faces and chisled chins.
Devoted women and disciplined men,
who rose from the ashes like a pheonix
and said "don't worry, we'll stand in your defense."
They tightened up their bootlaces
and said goodbye to loved ones, family and friends.
They tried to bombard them with the "hold on", "wait-a-minute's", and "what-if's".
And "Daddy, where you goin?".
And, "Mommy, why you leavin?".
And they merely kissed them on their foreheads and said "Don't worry, I have my reasons.
You see, to this country I pledged my allegience
to defend it against all enemies foreign and domestic.
So as long as I'm breathin, I'll run though hell-fire,
meet the enemy on the front lines,
look him directly in his face,
stare directly in his eyes and scream,
"I AM AMERICA! WE WILL NOT BE TERRORIZED!
WE WILL NOT BE TERRORIZED!
I REFUSE TO BE AFRAID!
I'LL FIGHT YOU ANY COUNTRY, ANY CONTINENT, ANY TERRAIN.
I'LL FIGHT TO MY LAST BREATH!"

And if by chance death is my fate,
pin my medals upon my chest,
and throw Old Glory on my grave.
But, don't y'all cry for me.
You see, my Father's prepared a place.
I'll be a part of his Holy army standing a watch at the Pearly Gates.
Because freedom was never free.
POW's, and fallen soldiers
all paid the ultimate sacrafice
along side veterans who put themselves in harms way.
Risking their lives and limbs just to hold up democracy's weight,
but still standing on them broken appendages anytime the National Anthem was played.
You see, these were the brave warriors that gave me the right
to say that I'm Black. Or white.

Or

African American or Caucasian,
I'm Asian, excuse me.
I'm Vietnamese, Philipene, Korean, or Jamaican.
I'm Haitan, Hispanic

Y'all, Please be paitent.
I'm Mexican, Puerto Rican, Venezualean, Cuban,
Dominican, Panamanian, Democrat
I beg your pardon, you see I partied with the late, great Reagan.
I'm Republican, Independent, Christian, Catholic,
Methodist, Baptist, 7th Day Adventist, 5 Percenters,
Hindu, Sunii Muslim,

Brothers and Sisters We're just Americans.
So with that I say
"Thank You" to the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines,
for preserving my rights
to live and die for this life
and paying the ultimate price for me to be...FREE!

Why Friday the 13th SUCKS!

2007-07-13T19:56:00.000-05:00

So, some of you may know that I work for a defense contractor, well . . . we had a contract worth over 1 Billion dollars. Yes, that's right – 1 BILLION. We went for a re-bid last year on it and lost. It was a total Charlie Foxtrot situation. You in the military know what that is. So, there was a good possibility that my job was ending when our contract with the State of Texas was up. I and the people I work with have known this for a while. But still, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Well, the worst came today. On Friday the 13th.

Around 2:30 I was the first one out of about 80% of our office who was/will be told that they will no longer be employed as of 8/31. They're waiting to tell most everyone else next week. After being told, I did the mature thing. I held my head up and stayed until 5:00. Never let them see you sweat. Stay strong on the outside even when you're cracking on the inside. It was not completely unexpected, but still, so many things come into play. I am a single mom, getting no child support. My daughter goes to private school b/c I refuse to have her in the Austin school system. I used to work in it when I was in college and I vowed then and there that no child of mine would ever be part of the AISD. So I'm a little freaked out. Ok, a lot freaked out.

I had really hoped to go out with a friend tonight b/c they've just really become a good friend (though sometimes I want to wring his neck – I still just think he's pretty darn awesome) and I'm extremely comfortable around him and just needed the distraction, which would have been a good one. We had tentatively made plans yesterday for me to drive out and pick him up but those fell through late today after I found out this news so here I am, sitting at home, going, "OH CRAP! What the HELL am I going to do?" I have 6 weeks to find a job. I can't afford to make less than what I am right now and I need insurance. I really need some distraction and a drink or ten. I know I'll definitely go out tomorrow, but really would like to get away tonight. It's the whole being alone factor. Sitting here, my mind on this crap. Fully freaking.

I have a resume in with a friend of mine for a job that they have. I put that in a good two weeks ago. That job doesn't start until the end of September with the possibility of being there a month ahead of time to train under the person leaving. Not only is it a job I could do with my hands tied behind my back and blindfolded, but it's higher pay, same benefits and better vacation time than I have after having been with my current job for over 2 years. I'd really like to get that job, but if I don't there's something else out there for me. I just want and need to find it soon.

That and a few drinkies. Though, don't know where I'll go tonight for that. My usual place has a concert tonight so pretty high cover at the door. I know I should be saving my money like Scrooge right now, but really, in the stress factor of it all, a few drinks are very much needed right now.

Deep breath, Deep Breath, DEEP BREATH! Just don't forget to exhale or I'll pass out.

You can't handle the truth . . . or can you?

2007-06-29T20:08:00.000-05:00

Does anyone value honesty anymore?

Seriously. I'd like to know. I'm not talking about the "does my rear look fat in this outfit" honesty. I'm talking about the kind of honesty that should be shared between people ranging from the "you're really screwing up and though I know YOU know it someone really needs to tell you anyway and that person is me because I care deeply about you and want to see you be the person I know you can be. I want you to know I care enough to say something." to the "I like you but I still have feelings for my ex who broke my heart so no, I'm not going to try and lead you on to make myself feel better, even though I really like you, because I need to straighten things out for myself first" kind of honesty. The one that lets others know that you really do care, that you want the best for the other person. The kind of honesty that lets someone know that you're not interested in playing games but in being real, in being a grown up.

How hard is it to say what's on your mind? True friends are honest even when it pisses the other person off, especially if there is concern over that person's behavior or the decisions they're making in their life. The other person might not like to hear what's being said but if someone genuinely cares about the other person then they'll risk making the other person mad. The truth is not always easy to hear and yes, it can hurt, but better the sting of honesty from a true friend than the kiss of an enemy, right? Or do people prefer to go through life being lied to and losing friends?

So many people are afraid of making waves, making someone angry, afraid of losing someone that they'll avoid confrontation and ignore things until the issue becomes the technicolor elephant in the living room that everyone tiptoes around. Pretty soon though that elephant is going to start stinking up the place pretty bad and cause major damage that can never fully be repaired and can never be undone. You can never, un-see, un-hear, un-feel or un-do any action or inaction.

The longer you avoid an issue the bigger it gets until it blows up and hurts someone, usually always more than one person. Trust me, I am one of the biggest confrontation avoiders, or at least I used to be. After that ostrich head in the sand mentality partially caused the deterioration of my marriage I realized that avoidance of the issues does nobody any good and causes more damage than talking about it and working through it. Avoidance and intentional ignorance is a ticking time bomb.

If people were honest with those they truly cared about there would be a lot less hurt, anger and mistrust in the world. Oh, sure, they say the truth hurts, but that kind of hurt can be a helpful kind, if done with the right motive and caring. It can help others to see and recognize the mistakes they're making so they can avoid them in the future. It can help repair a friendship or relationship. It can build bridges instead of burn them, build lasting foundations instead of breaking them.

Is it only me that values true, real, caring honesty any more? Even if it stings a little, it's better a little sting now than a huge hurt later. Is it so wrong to want the same from someone else? Especially from people you consider friends? From people you care about who you hope care at least a little for you? Enough to be honest anyway.

Live or Die

2007-06-21T23:37:00.000-05:00

I'm doing a lot of self-assessment lately and have also been spending a lot of my time on MySpace so I'm not posting as much anymore right now. This post is one that came out of a thorough self-assessment tonight.

My "other mother" sent me a list of "words to live by" earlier today that I posted in a bulletin and some of them particularly struck a chord with me, especially right now.

My best friend called it correctly before she left to fly out to Cali for a few days. (MC knows me better than I know myself sometimes) You wouldn't know it to look at me, to talk to me, to know me, but I'm unsettled. I'm dissatisfied. I look at myself and I'm not happy with where I am in life right now. I have amazing friends, family and a miracle of a daughter that I wouldn't trade for the world, but beyond that? Really, what do I have? I'm at a job that, while I enjoy it and the people I work with, it's not my passion. I don't want to be there forever. I can't see myself there in 5 years or 10 years. I'm nowhere where I thought I would be by now. Marriage should be a forever thing but I'm divorced even though I didn't believe in it. Of course, my ex didn't believe in keeping his wedding vows either – such as the part that says "FORESAKING ALL OTHERS".

So, where do I see myself?

That's just it, I DON'T know. I know that I'm not living my life to the fullest that it can be lived. I'm honest enough to admit to you that I've kind of half-assed it for so long and partly I think that it's a product of trying to keep an even keel in my life b/c my life has been a series of extreme stresses over the past several years - trust me on that one. If I trust you and know you well enough I'll tell you about it someday. Sometimes I think that just one more punch and I'll stay down, but I never do. I guess I'm too stubborn and strong-willed to let someone else or something else get the best of me. Oh, sure, I'll stay down for a little while, licking my wounds, but I'm an eternal optimist in spite of everything. Frankly, I don't know any other way to be, though I admittedly find myself becoming more cynical where love or lack thereof lately. But a growing cynic about relationships can still be an optimist in life right? It'll be a really cold day in hell when I let my circumstances get me down but I've been living in status quo for so long that I'm not sure I know how to take that first step.

MC told me to take these next three weeks that I'm without my daughter to try and figure out myself. Try and find and set a goal for myself. Be good to myself – you know, 'cuz you might be the only one who is. Right?

So, here I am, currently feeling like I am floundering. Wondering what in the world is going to be the next step in my life. Some of the "words of advice" were Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present and also Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

So what's it going to be? Letting my past behavior, failures, screwups, folly's, etc. dictate my future and keep me down? Or am I going to take responsibility for myself in order to make my life better than where it is right now? Is it going to be getting my life together and in order and be busy living or is it going to be sitting there, living the status quo, feeling sorry for myself and where I'm not at right now, not ever taking the next step to give myself and my daughter a better life, and just slowly dying . . . inside, outside, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally?

I'd rather live.

What about you?

Stick a fork

2007-06-18T18:42:00.000-05:00

So, recently, last night in fact, I was compared by someone to the woman in Pure Country. No, no, not the bitchy manager one, the other one. The feisty one who closed herself off to George Strait's character at first b/c she'd been hurt really badly and didn't want to go through that pain again. She didn't want anyone to get close so she built these walls and barriers and then when she allowed herself to start to open up she gets smacked in the face by having her fears seemingly come true – right as she makes that decision to allow herself to be optimistic.

Yeah, they were right, that's me. It seems like when one starts to let one's guard down, invariably, usually sooner than later, that person gets sucker punched, disappointed and when it happens more than once that person stops hoping, stops dreaming, stops being optimistic b/c the adage "if it seems too good to be true, it usually is" seems really to be true. Just when you meet someone you think is interesting, funny, who you seem to have a lot in common with, who you enjoyed being around and who seems NORMAL with no apparent issues, someone that you'd like to hang out with and see where, IF anywhere, it might lead . . . yeah, whatever. Trust issues? Yeah, I have them in spades. They were right.

There comes a time when someone can only go so far, so many times, when they just have to stop. Stop putting themselves out there. It's easier to stay behind the ever increasing walls than it is to keep hoping, keep being optimistic b/c, truthfully, right now the glass isn't half empty. It's just plain empty with nothing left in it. I'm tapped. I'm drained. And as much as I want to continue to be optimistic and eternally hopeful, it's too wearing and the continual emotional price isn't worth it. So up go more walls and barriers and maybe some day, someone out there will think I am worth it enough to work on breaking those down to get to know me, someone who will actually look forward to seeing me and not flake, someone who will actually stick for once. There's a reason I don't let new people get in beyond the surface. They always let me down. Or maybe it's the other way around. Hell if I know anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know – blah, blah, blah.

Stick a fork in me b/c I'm freaking done and, frankly, I am just too tired to care right now.

Freaky Friday

2007-06-15T02:36:00.000-05:00

I’m preparing to send my daughter off to be with her dad for 3 weeks and hope that he lets me see her during that time, especially since he sees her almost every day during the week. He still hasn’t answered my question regarding that though. GRRRRRR! I want to take Em to the circus b/c it’s a tradition. I don’t know if you remember last year she was chosen to help the Ring Master sing the National Anthem.

I’ve taken her since she was 3 so I’m really hoping to continue that tradition!

So, the time has come for Friday’s Feast once again. Here are my answers

Appetizer
Fill in the blank: The best thing about where I live is that my closest friends are here.

Soup
Create a new name for a deodorant (like "Flower Fresh" or "Shower Scent").
Ummmm, I have no idea.

Salad
What was the last piece of software you installed onto your computer?
eSword

Main Course
If you were to receive a superlative award today beginning with the words "Most likely to...", what would the rest of the phrase say?
"Most likely to continue to choose the wrong men and have her heart continually broken while striving to remain ever optimistic"

No?

How about "Most likely to continue smiling through the rain"

"Most likely to be the person others come to for advice or to talk to"

Dessert
What two colors do you like to wear together?
Black and any color of blue

Now for a Friday Funny:

The Rules of BBQing
We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity as it is the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. Probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine . . .

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lunging beside the grill – beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine . . .
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine . . .
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off”, and upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women . . .

Crape Diem

2007-06-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

YES, that is NOT a misspelling in the title. UGH! Life seems to be too complicated right now. Too much going on. Too much confusion. Too much not knowing where my path is going.

Just once I’d like to have a stress free, confusion free, drama free year. Is that too much to ask?

So, I genuinely like this guy. This friend from the last post. I don’t know what to do about that. We’re like two magnets – you know, drawn to each other, against our will? Nah, that’s not the right phrase but close.

As I said before, at this point, I don’t see a long term relationship with this guy but, in spite of that he intrigues me, he surprises me, he makes me laugh, he makes me look forward to spending time with him, he makes me nervous, he frustrates me and he baffles me.

We talk, I mean really talk and last night we were saying some of the exact same things at the same time. How weird is that?

We had a little chat Friday night and apparently, according to him, I scare him and he doesn’t quite know what to do with that. I scare him b/c I know what I want. (In whose world?) I have it together. (HA! Good one!) He said on Friday that was the reason that he hadn’t emailed or called me until that night was b/c he didn’t know how to handle his thoughts about me. (I say “whatever” to that.) He said that he wants a wife and children someday but not right now. I told him that was such a coincidence b/c I’m not looking for a relationship with him.

And yet, regardless of that, I’m drawn.

I asked him why me? He’s a super good looking guy and he knows it. He could be with just about anyone. He has a genuine enthusiasm for people and treats everyone equally regardless of ability, size, shape, looks, etc. – I’ve seen it first hand. People are drawn to him. He said “Why YOU? Look at you. You’re a complete pain in my a$$...(he was smiling as he said that and according to him I’m a pain in his a$$ b/c I push back and don’t let him get away with anything). You’re sexy... really sexy. I don’t think you see it but you absolutely are. (Wow, hello there...) I like talking to you. I could talk to you for a long time. I enjoy YOU.”

He said that he tried to stay away b/c he’s not looking for a relationship and yet there I am (whatever that meant). I told him I’m not looking for a relationship either. But then he countered that by saying that he thinks I’m scared to find a good guy. (Has he been talking to MC b/c she says the same thing?) I had to digest that one and emailed him later that he’s scared to find a nice girl. I think that he thinks he doesn’t deserve a truly nice girl right now.

What I didn't haven’t explained yet is that he scares me too, quite a lot, not b/c he knows what he wants - he doesn't, and not b/c he has it together - I think he’s working on that but isn't there yet, no, he scares me b/c he is quite unlike anyone I've been attracted to in a lot of ways and I will admit that I am really quite powerfully attracted. I don't want to be but I am. I'm not quite sure what to do or not do about him. I’m scared silly of allowing myself to feel anything for anyone again and frankly, I’d like it to be with someone a wee bit safer than this guy. This guy is anything but safe or tame, especially for me.

That being said, I enjoy him, I enjoy spending time with him, I enjoy his friendship, I enjoy the laughs and the honesty and the kisses but I don’t know exactly how to react when we’re around others. I pretty much ignore that there's anything between us and keep him at arm's length. I really don’t think either one of us are ready to have to explain anything to any of the gang we’re friends with. I know I'm not. And, if it came down to it, I’d rather have his friendship than lose it.

As of right now, I have no expectations and I am just taking it as it comes or not.

I could be wrong and things could change, he could really surprise me and things could progress but for now, as previously stated, I’m just enjoying living in the moment for once. It’s weird b/c I feel like this time I’m experiencing those “typical guy emotions”. You know, the ones where they’re not sure and they aren’t looking for any pressure, any expectations, or any emotional entanglements but at the same time they like the other person and don’t want to shut down any possibilities that may or may not be there? Or is that just me? I’m a little confused b/c I don’t think I’ve ever quite been in a situation like this.

SIGH! MC says that if I blow it by automatically putting up walls and barriers from the start then I might end up with some real regrets. I hate to say that she just might be right on that one.

Wacky Wednesday

2007-06-06T01:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know, I know, I haven't posted in a while. Been busy. So, today there is a variety of things I'm posting and later tonight when I can get the pics off of my camera, I'll post them on here as well. I have a meme, a poem and some stream of consciousness writing to post. I've never really been into stream of consciousness writing, but I have had so much going on that it's really the only way to put it down without writing a freaking novel.

Favorites Meme

~~Stolen~~ BORROWED from UISCE

TIME OF DAY: 20:00 or – on the 12 hour clock – 8:00 PM. Em is usually in bed by that time, on Thursday's Grey's Anatomy is on and usually, when Em is with her dad, that is the anticipatory time right before I step out the door to go out dancing or out with friends.
DAY OF THE WEEK: Saturday. I don't have to get ready for work, I can stay out late at night since church starts at 11:00 the next morning, be lazy during the day if I want, watch movies, lounge in my PJ's and have, in general – USUALLY – no expectations for myself on that day.
SEASON: Fall. The crispness and the colors, the warmish days where one can still wear shorts usually and the cool nights where usually a jacket or sweatshirt is required. Perfect camping weather, perfect bonfire weather...oh, and it's FOOTBALL season!!!
HOLIDAY: Christmas – all the lights, the celebrations, the decorations, the music/carols/songs, the lift in people's spirits to be nicer, the anticipation and excitement of children as they count down to Christmas and, most important of all the others, the birth of Jesus is celebrated.
BEACHES: Never been to a good beach, just the Texas ones and they're kinda dirty though the pictures that I've seen of islands in the Pacific that are stunning. It's kind of irrelevant though b/c I'm a mountain girl. I love the snowy mountains in the winter and the snow capped mountains dotted with trees and flowers in the summer.
FLOWER: White and yellow daisies. They're such a cheery flower!
TALK SHOW: Hand's down – Glenn Beck. He tells it as it is and makes no apologies or excuses – even though he is on the Communist News Network. Pretty much is their "token" conservative.
MOVIE: All-time favorite? The Princess Bride
SOAPS: Right now I'm in the Bath and Body Work's Coconut Lime Verbena stage. Crisp and cool with a hint of the tropics.
BEVERAGE: Liquor: Tequila; Beer: Guinness or Lambic Frambois; Wine: Clos du Bois Merlot or a good, chilled Café Zinfandel; Soda: Sonic's Route 44 Cherry Limeade.
FRUIT: Hmmmmm, watermelon, mango or pineapple. I can't choose just one!
SNACK: I'm not such a snack-y person but maybe I'd have to say honey roasted cashews or Ruffles potato chips with Kraft's French Onion dip.
FOOD: A center cut buffalo filet cooked medium rare/medium with my mashed potatoes. That NEVER will change
RESTAURANT: In Austin: Austin Land & Cattle (NOT affiliated with Texas Land and Cattle, which is an abomination to steak everywhere); In Dallas: YO Steakhouse; Chain restaurant: Pappasito's for their chicken fajitas.
http://www.whiskeytalking.com/

Also, ~~stolen~~ BORROWED from Uisce is this poem that I really like and it spoke so much to me and in a way it fits partly with my stream of consciousness stuff. I wish I had someone to anticipate this with.

will today be the day
heart bursting open
secrets hidden
too much to hide
treasures buried
how many lifetimes
waiting and saving
will today be the day
heart broken open
feelings revealed
nothing to hide
given away
will today be the day

Ok, and now with the SOC stuff. This may or may not be in order of events, though probably not. I've never really done SOC so this probably is nothing like it. LOL!

I hate having acute bronchitis b/c it lingers and I'm hacking and coughing this crud up and when will it ever end? It takes time away from my being able to go to Krav Maga b/c I can't keep up with my lungs and coughing and hacking all over the place. The humidity and heat doesn't help either.

On Memorial Day I was kissed for the first time in almost a year. It was pretty hot! I liked it...a lot... I really kind of like the guy. Never thought I'd be attracted to someone who is almost my height, maybe an inch or so taller, but I realize how comfortable it is, really. No neck cricks and no back aches from reaching, stretching, bending, trying to get to the other person. I'm not expecting anything from him. I like his friendship, I really liked the kisses but he's not a long term relationship for me that I can see. He's someone I wouldn't mind casually dating though.

A different kind of date to remember – Emily was baptized on Sunday! She's been asking for over a year to be baptized. She made her decision to become a Christian three days before her 4th birthday and it was a surprising event for me b/c I didn't realize that she was doing it until she was half way through. It was a joyous moment for me as I have been praying since before she was born for her to make that decision early in life. Jack and Gayle were in town this weekend which is why the church allowed her to get baptized last Sunday instead of this coming Sunday. Jack spoke at my church to an unprecedented completely packed service both hours. Not one seat left empty in a 2,000 seat church for either service and it looked like even some standing room only stuff going on as well. His reception that afternoon was pretty packed as well. It's been good to see them. I'm their road tour coordinator and set up the speaking engagements for him across the US between April and October. I'll be seeing them this weekend to in San Antonio for another event. It's been nice to see them several times this year so far. And nice to have the meetings in places to stay that are cheap – as in free.

UGH! I'm so poor right now. I STILL haven't gotten my tickets to Kansas City for my birthday b/c of things coming up and the prices are doing nothing but rising. I wonder if God is trying to keep me from going, even though I really want to see my friends and really want to get back to Kansas City to just enjoy it and a live baseball game. I don't like baseball on TV, couldn't get into watching it in earnest on the tube, but live? Now that's hot!

Speaking of hot...yeah, that kiss was pretty smoking. Ok, kisses plural, yes, a few more than one. I wonder if he's thinking about them too. It's been about 10 months, according to him, since his last kiss. I don't understand why exactly. Man, he really has beautiful green/grey eyes that hold a hint of blue sometimes and a great smile and I can talk to him for hours on end. He's smart, articulate, funny and really, really laid back and down to earth. Yeah, even with the no expectations, I admit I'm kinda crushin'. He and his roommate live about 3 blocks from me. We met through a mutual friend who is the ex of my best friend, MC.

While we're on the subject of MC, she and I and another friend went to the Biker Parade this weekend and it was glorious and smelly and LOUD and awesome! Oh, and I rode on the back of a bike Friday night after the Biker Parade downtown. MC and I had a friend that was riding in it and we met up with him after. We hung around downtown for a while and then decided to go to this fun little dive bar about 5 or so miles away (it's clean, well lit, has old fashioned table Ms. Pac-Man and air-hockey, etc. and is one of the best kept secrets in South Austin). Well, our friend who was in the parade had never been there so MC said "Who's going to ride with Rob to tell him where to go?" My hand shot up before she was even finished. I was all "Is there REALLY any need for discussion on this? MC, you HATE motorcycles in theory and in practice though you like to look at them. Deb, you own a Harley and can ride anytime. I have not been on a bike since 1994. I WILL be riding with Rob." They all got a big kick out of that. I refused the helmet (NO COMMENTS ON THAT THEY WILL BE DELETED – IT WAS MY CHOICE) and rode with tears streaming out of my eyes from the wind and my hair flying back with this HUGE grin on my face the whole way. It was absolute FREEDOM! I loved, loved, loved it!

I've been cheated, been mistreated, when will I be loved? Good lands, ain't that the truth! That was the first song I ever sang karaoke on. Heck, I'd just settle for a date right now, though I did get those kisses. And, I admit, it was nice, really that he made the move. It was completely unexpected and took me by surprise...the first time. The second time I knew it was coming and dove in with both feet. SIGH! Yeah, I know I've talked a lot about the kissin' but when you're (as MC says I am) touch starved and there's this mutual attraction...or maybe it was the beer talking?...it just kind of stays on the forefront of your mind.

And beer. As Buffy would say "Beer Good!" and as good ol' Ben Franklin said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!" MC introduced me to this fantabulous beer that I immediately tumbled head over heels for. Of course it's a bit expensive at almost 5.00 per bottle, but the bottle is a pretty big one. It's called Lambic Frambois. It's a raspberry beer that tastes very unlike a beer and it super, duper tasty! Of course at the price, that's one beer that I won't be indulging in on a regular basis, but it'll definitely be enjoyed on the occasions I can. :)

Ok, so that's all for the rambling SOC, which I'm still not sure if I did it right. I have a lot left inside I could talk about but I won't right now.

Happy Wednesday! We're on the downhill slide to the weekend and I will be extremely happy for that! It's been a really, really busy past four weekends in a row. No rest for the weary. Hope your's is beautiful!

Memorial Day 2007

2007-05-28T09:22:00.000-05:00

It is raining cats and dogs here, as has been usual for most Memorial Days here in Austin.

This is my annual Memorial Day post but first, how can you support the troops? Follow the link to a page I did last year that has A LOT of ways that YOU can support our men and women in uniform: SOS: Support Our Soldiers. God bless the troops, God bless America!

"A Nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces, but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.” These words were spoken by President John F. Kennedy in 1963. Throughout history brave men and women have risked their lives in service to our great country with courage, honor, and dedication.

God Bless our fighting men and women who put their lives on the line every day to protect us and bring freedom and democracy to nations who are under a dictator's thumb, to nations whose streets run red with the foul wind of genocide, to nations who are under the rule of fanatical regimes who believe in killing one's wife, sister, daughter, mother for some imagined "dishonor" to the family so that the families "honor" can be restored. These brave military men and women bring hope to those who have had none, bring justice to those who have been unjustly condemned, who sacrifice their lives so that others can have a life to live freely for the first time. Your efforts are not in vain. They do not go unnoticed. You are not unappreciated. Thank you for all that you do. May God bless you and your loved ones today and always for your willing sacrifices.

A friend of mine who is a military veteran wrote this and allowed me to re-post it here. Thanks James!

Many of you have seen war, many of us have family who have seen war, and many of us have lost family and/or friends to war. Yet, the flag continues to fly. Amidst the rejection that this war was necessary, the democrats weak and shameful discredit to our troops, and the critics who say we can't make a difference...the flag continues to fly. Even though the enemy can hide, even though our so called Allies turn tail and run...the continues to fly.

America defends herself valiantly with the most courageous of people, with the most courageous of hearts...that's why the flag continues to fly. Our young men and women know the truth of what it means to be free, and they know what it will mean if we end up like some of those "other" countries...that's why our flag continues to fly. The history of this nation began with soldiers making a stand; They fought and died to win our freedoms, and left a legacy of honor and integrity in a constitution guaranteeing human rights to every person in the US of A...that's why the flag still flies.

And so, as our polictical leaders often seek to make a name for themselves...as our children watch and wander what will happen next, and while we all stand amazed at the events of the world today...

Our flag will continue to fly. I dare anybody, to try and make her stop flying. Give us liberty of give us death, give us freedom...or take our lives.

Don't touch my flag.

The Music

Toby Keith - American Soldier:
Toby is a HUGE supporter of our military men and women. This song is one of the best one's I've heard from the country musicians in support of our American soldiers. Very blunt, very moving.

The second offering is the traditional bagpipe and drums verson of Amazing Grace. We had the color guard in church yesterday morning and they had a piper and drummer and it brought me to tears. Not just a little tears, but a lot of tears. There is nothing quite like hearing Amazing Grace on the bagpipes with a drum and remembering that other are out there putting their lives on the line so that I don't have to. Protecting the most precious part of my life, my daughter with their lives, sometimes leaving behind children of their own when they make that ultimate sacrifice. If it doesn't move you to tears the sacrifices they make for you and your family, you probably have a heart of stone.

Here is the best rendition of Taps I've heard, with a double trumpet solo. Beautiful!

The words to "Taps":
(Note: there are no "official" words to Taps, below are the most popular.)

Day is done,
gone the sun,
From the hills,
from the lake,
From the skies.
All is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.
Go to sleep,
peaceful sleep,
May the soldier
or sailor,
God keep.
On the land
or the deep,
Safe in sleep.

Love, good night,
Must thou go,
When the day,
And the night
Need thee so?
All is well.
Speedeth all
To their rest.

Fades the light;
And afar
Goeth day,
And the stars
Shineth bright,
Fare thee well;
Day has gone,
Night is on.

Thanks and praise,
For our days,
'Neath the sun,
Neath the stars,
'Neath the sky,
As we go,
This we know,
God is nigh.

Next up is the Tim McGraw song "If You're Reading This". Tim wrote this song as a tribute to the fallen soldiers and their families and he performed it beautifully at the ACM's - most people had never heard it before then. Fortunately there are a couple of videos of that song that I have found. The first one is a tribute to the soldiers that someone did to the song and the second one is from a TIVO that someone did of the ACM's and it's the original performance.

Remember to pray for our soldiers every night that God protects them and brings them home safely.

Godspeed, God bless and be safe!

If You're Reading This
If you're reading this, with my momma sitting there,
looks like I only got a one way ticket over here.
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss,
war was just a game we played when we were kids.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

Half way around the world,
I wont be there to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you...I hope she fights like me
and stands up for the innocent and the weak.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes.
So...lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

If you're reading this...there's going to come a day,
you'll move on and find someone else and that's ok.
Just remember this, I'm in a better place,
soldiers live in peace and angels sing Amazing Grace.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

The above video is a song from Marine Mike Corrado called "My Watch". The words are beautiful and the music poignant. Enjoy the song and the pictures of life in Iraq for the soldiers.

The Trivia

Memorial Day was founded to honor military personnel who died in The Civil War and was first celebrated on May 5th, 1866 in Waterloo New York, though it was first widely celebrated two years alter on May 30, 1868. President Johnson declared in 1996 that Waterloo was the birthplace of Memorial Day because the town had made Memorial Day an annual, community-wide event during which businesses closed and residents decorated the graves of soldiers with flowers and flags. Today, Memorial Day is celebrated at Arlington National Cemetery with a ceremony in which a small American flag is placed on each grave. Also, it is customary for the President or Vice-President to give a speech honoring the contributions of the dead and lay a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. About 5,000 people attend the ceremony annually.

In reading the poem In Flander's Fields, themost asked question about it is: why poppies?

Wild poppies flower when other plants in their direct neighbourhood are dead. Their seeds can lie on the ground for years and years, but only when there are no more competing flowers or shrubs in the vicinity (for instance when someone firmly roots up the ground), these seeds will sprout.

There was enough rooted up soil on the battlefield of the Western Front; in fact the whole front consisted of churned up soil. So in May 1915, when McCrae wrote his poem, around him bloodred poppies blossomed like no one had ever seen before.

But in this poem the poppy plays one more role. The poppy is known as a symbol of sleep. The last line We shall not sleep, though poppies grow / In Flanders fields might point to this fact. Some kinds of poppies are used to derive opium from, from which morphine is made. Morphine is one of the strongest painkillers and was often used to put a wounded soldier to sleep. Sometimes medical doctors used it in a higher dose to put the incurable wounded out of their misery.

About the Poppies
Where did the idea of calling Memorial Day "Poppy Day"? Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day. Then in 1915, inspired by the poem "In Flanders Fields," Moina Michael replied with her own poem:

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

She then conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial Day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Later a Madam Guerin from France was visiting the United States and learned of this new custom started by Moina Michael and when she returned to France, made artificial red poppies to raise money for war orphaned children and widowed women.

This tradition spread to other countries. In 1921, the Franco-American Children's League sold poppies nationally to benefit war orphans of France and Belgium. The League disbanded a year later and Madam Guerin approached the VFW for help.

Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans' organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their "Buddy" Poppy program was selling artificial poppies made by disabled veterans. In 1948 the US Post Office honored Moina Michae for her role in founding the National Poppy movement by issuing a red 3 cent postage stamp with her likeness on it.

Since the late 1950's - on the Thursday before Memorial Day - the 1,200 soldiers of the 3d U.S. Infantry place small American flags at each of the more than 260,000 gravestones at Arlington National Cemetery. They then patrol 24 hours a day during the weekend to ensure that each flag remains standing.

The Poetry
Perhaps the most popular poem that is quoted or recited on memorial day is this one by Major John McCrae:

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Another tribute to our fighting men and women is from Walt Whitman entitled:
Dirge for Two Veterans
THE last sunbeam
Lightly falls from the finish'd Sabbath,
On the pavement here-and there beyond, it is looking,
Down a new-made double grave.

Lo! the moon ascending!
Up from the east, the silvery round moon;
Beautiful over the house tops, ghastly phantom moon;
Immense and silent moon.

I see a sad procession,
And I hear the sound of coming full-key'd bugles;
All the channels of the city streets they're flooding,
As with voices and with tears.

I hear the great drums pounding,
And the small drums steady whirring;
And every blow of the great convulsive drums,
Strikes me through and through.

For the son is brought with the father;
In the foremost ranks of the fierce assault they fell;
Two veterans, son and father, dropt together,
And the double grave awaits them.

Now nearer blow the bugles,
And the drums strike more convulsive;
And the day-light o'er the pavement quite has faded,
And the strong dead-march enwraps me.

In the eastern sky up-buoying,
The sorrowful vast phantom moves illumin'd;
('Tis some mother's large, transparent face,
In heaven brighter growing.)

O strong dead-march, you please me!
O moon immense, with your silvery face you soothe me!
O my soldiers twain! O my veterans, passing to burial!
What I have I also give you.

The moon gives you light,
And the bugles and the drums give you music;
And my heart, O my soldiers, my veterans,
My heart gives you love.

Eulogy for a Veteran
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the Gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

-Author Unknown

THEY SOFTLY WALK
a poem

They are not gone who pass
Beyond the clasp of hand,
Out from the stone embrace.
They are but come so close
We need not grope with hands,
Nor look to see, nor try
To catch the sound of feet.
They have put off their shoes
Softly to walk by day
Within our thoughts, to tread
At night our dream - led paths
Of sleep.
They are not lost who find
The sunset gate, the goal
Of all their faithful years.
Not lost are they who reach
The summit of their climb,
The peak above the clouds
And storms. They are not lost
Who find the light of sun
And stars and God.
They are not dead who live
In hearts they leave behind.
In those whom they have blessed
They live a life again,
And shall live through the years
Eternal life, and grow
Each day more beautiful
As time declares their good,
Forgets the rest, and proves
Their immortality.

By Hugh Robert Orr

Meme Theme

2007-05-23T21:20:00.000-05:00

I have a couple of memes that I am participating in that are kind of fun and pretty easy! My thanks to my very dear blogfriends Captain Picard and One4JC for these memes. Also, I am going to do a fun little exercise that I think you will enjoy!

Here is the first meme:

Can you go to Google (the location may be slightly different to where you are in the world)? Type in your first name and the word 'needs'. For example 'John needs'. Let me know the results in the comments.

My answers are (pretty surprising on a couple):

...Nicole Needs a Boob Job (Thanks but not really, I have plenty already)

...Nicole needs a few good home-town friends to hang out with (I have some great ones!)

...Nicole needs to purge some aliens (Um, I'm sure I don't know what they're talking about here)

...Nicole needs to hit the glass harder (What glass would that be here?)

...Nicole needs to get her glow, charisma, and energy back (Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition on this one - they're right but how to go about doing it?)

...Nicole needs beers and hamburgers (Works for me!!!)

...Nicole needs a real man who is taller and bigger than her (I'd settle for just one please)

...Nicole needs is to know that there is someone in this world she can trust (With my heart you mean)

Now for the next one:

1. Go to Wikipedia and put in your birthday, without the year, in the search bar.

2. List on your blog 3 events, 2 births, 1 death and 1 holiday that happens(ed) on your birthday. 3. Then tag 5 more friends to do it!

July 5

3 Events:
1. 1865 - The Salvation Army is founded in the East End of London, England.
2. 1937 - Spam, the luncheon meat, was introduced into the market by the Hormel Foods Corporation.
3. 1989 - The sitcom Seinfeld aired its first episode. (For my many, many friends who are Seinfeld fans - though I don't know why)

2 Births:
1. 1810 - P.T. Barnum, American circus owner (d. 1891)
2. 1963 - Edie Falco, American actress

1 Death:
1. 2002 - Ted Williams, baseball player (b. 1918)

1 Holiday:
1. Isle of Man: Tynwald Day - 1266 (There weren't many and this was the most interesting one)

Now for the really fun stuff! Can you make up or do you know some book titles and authors that go together well? I had so much fun doing this one last year on Captain Picard's Journal! The below titles are examples of a collaboration between myself and someone else. Enjoy!

The Clifftop Accident by Eileen Dover
Elegant Cars by Iona Ferrari
Map Making by Easton West
Litigation Techniques by Sue Yu
A Risky Way To Earn Money by Robin Banks
The Long Journey To Paris by Francis Faraway
Hostile To Culture by Phyllis Tyne
Singing In Pubs by Carrie Okey
Ten-Pin by Bo Lingalley
A Study Of Mathematics by D. Vision & Ad Ishun
The Contingency Plan by Justin Case
My Crazy Life by Batsin D. Belfry
All About Occam by Ray Zorzedge
Anger Managment by Flip U. DeByrd
The New Existentialism by Toby Ornottoby
Inside The Bunny Ranch by Amanda Licknblow
Making Money by Bill Fold
Handling Sibling Rivalry by Sharon Sharalike
1001 Laughs A Minute by Joe Kerr
Your Heart And You by Angie O. Graham
How To Get Ahead In Life by Watt A. Nass
Trannylicious by Adam Sapple
The Wisdom of Baghdad Bob by Major Lee D. Feated
The Hollywood Diet by Annie Rexia
Superficial by Faye Slift
The Breakfast In Bed Cookbook by Hammond Eggs
Praise Him! by Hal E. Luya
The Art of Self-Defense by Holden McGroin
The Book of Party Etiquitte by Kay Ken Kofee
Which Meat To Choose? by B. Forlamb
Cooking Food Quickly by Mike Rowave
Bad Luck All Round by Des Astor & Cal Amity
Bogart: A Life In Film by Cassie Blanca
Memorization Techniques by Drew A. Blanc
The Vicar's Life by Hugh Morless
Famous Mishaps In History by Dee Zaster
Proper Sleeping Techniques by Payne N. DeNeque
Life Inside Windsor Palace by Roy L. Ball
Travel Games for Kids by Ari Deryet
A Look Inside Sapphic Society by Les Beahan
Burps, Farts and Other Rude Noises by X.Q. Schmee
Surprising Things You Never Knew by Al B. Dammd
Housebreaking Your Pet by P. Oliver DeFleur
Medicine By Any Other Name... by Jen Erick
Ten Easy Steps to Becoming A Morning Person by Eurasmus B. Draggin
Queen of the Double Wide by Iona Trailer
The Easy Guide to Family Traveling by Cara Van
Pop Psychology by Norm Al Gai
Sinking Ships by Lou Slipps
Tender Expressions by Olive Yu
How to Get More Back On Your Taxes by Lou Pole
Home On The Range by Barb Dwyer
He Said What? by Shirley Eugeste
Timeless Love Songs by Sam & Janet Evening
Semper Fi - My Life As A Military Wife by Maureen Core
The Films of Macaulay Culkin by Homer Lone
Coming Up With A Plan by Ivan Idea
A Life Down Under by Oz Tralia
Knocked Out by C. Ingstars
Help Me! by May Day
A Breeze Is Blowing by Wynne D. Weather
Sound Advice by Luke B. Foryouleep
A Substitute For Butter by Marge Areen
The Shortcut by D. Tour
Handling Hemherroids by Arsen Fyre
Plumbing For Dummies by Dwayne Pipe
The Game's Afoot by Hugh Dunitt
Manners Matter by Hugo First
Foot Fetishes by Iva Bunion
America, Land of Diversity by Mel Tingpot
The Life and Times of Snoop Dog and Willie Nelson by S. Moe Queed
Courage In the Face of Fear by Azheet Midrawrz
Robotics in the 21st Century by Anne Droid
The New Wee Willy Winky by Oliver Towne
So You're Single...Get Over It! by N. D. Nyle
The World Is My Oyster by Meg Alomaniack
The Irreverent School Boy by S. A. Creligious
All For One by Hugh Nanimus
The Flood Heard 'Round the World by Noah Zark
The Problem With Truancy by Marcus Abcent
Traveling the Orient on a Budget by Rick Shaw
From Weed to Feed - The New Salad Greens by Dan D. Lyons
I Have A Headache And Other Excuses by Yu No Funn
Huggable You by Ted D. Bear
The History of America by Lana DeFree and Homer DeBrave
The Heroes of 9/11 by Les Twee Forgett
Good Intentions by Helena Handbasket

If You're Reading This

2007-05-20T10:36:00.000-05:00

I must confess that I have fallen in love with the Tim McGraw song "If You're Reading This". Tim wrote this song as a tribute to the fallen soldiers and their families and he performed it beautifully at the ACM's - most people had never heard it before then. Fortunately there are a couple of videos of that song that I have found. The first one is a tribute to the soldiers that someone did to the song and the second one is from a TIVO that someone did of the ACM's and it's the original performance.

Remember to pray for our soldiers every night that God protects them and brings them home safely.

Godspeed, God bless and be safe!

I posted the lyrics on the tribute post for SSG Christopher Kiernan below but I am reposting them here so you can read them as you listen to the music:

If You're Reading This
If you're reading this, with my momma sitting there,
looks like I only got a one way ticket over here.
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss,
war was just a game we played when we were kids.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

Half way around the world,
I wont be there to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you...I hope she fights like me
and stands up for the innocent and the weak.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes.
So...lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

If you're reading this...there's going to come a day,
you'll move on and find someone else and that's ok.
Just remember this, I'm in a better place,
soldiers live in peace and angels sing Amazing Grace.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

2007-05-17T06:32:00.000-05:00

SSG CHRISTOPHER KIERNAN
February 12, 1970 - May 6, 2007

The following is put together from a couple of CenTex news articles:

1st Cav soldier's remains returned to Fort Hood for burial

WEST FORT HOOD –

"God, you were supposed to take care of him!"

The pain in Donna Kiernan's voice pierced the silence at Robert Gray Army Airfield on Monday afternoon as a flag-draped casket containing her husband's body was carried to a waiting hearse.

"You're my hero, Christopher," she yelled between mournful wails.

"I love you!"

"I'm so angry!"

Staff Sgt. Christopher S. Kiernan was killed by a sniper on May 6 in Baghdad. The 37-year-old served with the 1st Cavalry Division's 1st Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team. He joined the military in March 1990 as an armor crewmember. He served tours during Desert Storm and later, Bosnia, where he earned a Purple Heart, and in Haiti and Somalia. Chris deployed in 2004 to Iraq, where he earned a Bronze Star. He had been with the battalion since September 2005, and deployed with it to Iraq in October 2006.

Chris is the first Fort Hood soldier killed in action whose remains were flown directly to Fort Hood. Before a January policy change, Texas soldiers' remains were flown from Dover Air Force Base in Delaware to Dallas or Austin. Now remains will be flown to a regional airport with 5,000 feet of runway nearest the family's home, said Lee Price, chief of Fort Hood's Casualty Assistance Center. The Kiernans lived in Killeen.

The change will ensure that families will have to travel less and that complete honors are provided for each soldier, Price said.

Before her husband's remains arrived on Monday, Donna read an e-mail Chris sent her shortly before his death, titled "The past six months in Baghdad." In it, he talked about the situation in Iraq and policies proposed by lawmakers. He slammed elected officials for passing a bill that provided a timeline for the withdrawal of troops from Iraq. He asked his wife to forward it to everyone they knew, but asked it not be passed on to members of the media because his words would be misconstrued.

He also wrote about the people of Iraq and how the troops must build their trust. He said the withdrawal timeline tells these people that the Americans are leaving and never coming back.

"These people will never forgive us," Chris wrote.

Donna went on to say that American soldiers need help and without additional troop support, more "will pay with their blood and their lives." Chris did just that, she said, and the soldiers in his unit were hurting. She knows many who are on their second and third deployments, and the ones who are in Iraq are exhausted and fatigued.

Chris' death means it's time for politicians to stop taking vacations and get to work, Donna said adamantly. They need to work 18-hour days, sleep four hours and then go back out for another day like the soldiers are doing in Iraq, she added.

During training, the "gloves are off," Donna said, but in battle the soldiers are held back and "must be proper while the cowardly so-called insurgents use their religious mosque to hide out and build weapon caches.

"The insurgents are upgrading their weapons and experience," she said. "They want to kill American soldiers." She put responsibility on the Iraqi people, saying it is time for them to be held accountable for meeting deadlines set by the American government.

"It's time for the Iraqis to take charge of their own country and take responsibility if they fail to meet the deadlines they are supposed to meet," she said.

She read a portion of the email: "By telling them we are leaving and never coming back, means the terrorists will continue to do what they do, because who cares? America is leaving anyway. These people will never forgive us."

The letter went on to explain how the Iraqi people seemed to appreciate the U.S. troops and their efforts. Donna said Christopher believed immediate withdrawal is not the answer.

"It's not going to be ended by bullets. It's going to be ended by negotiations and it's going to be ended by making Iraqis responsible. It's no more free ride. It's time for them to take responsibility. And my husband paid with his life and his blood," she said.

As the family struggles to cope with their personal loss, Donna made sure her late husband's words are not falling on deaf ears.

"A soldier who lost his life, these are his words I read to you, his words, and he went there to make a difference and you know what? They're making a difference, and that's what people need to know," she said.

To see photos, learn more about Staff. Sgt. Christopher Kiernan, or to share thoughts and memories, visit www.killeenfunerals.com .
__________________________________

Soldier sends message to wife

Staff. Sgt. Christopher S. Kiernan sent his wife, Donna, an e-mail titled "The past six months in Baghdad" shortly before his death on May 6.

"This is what a soldier says," Donna said. "Not a senator, congressman, Republican or Democrat."

The following excerpt from that e-mail was provided by Donna Kiernan:

"This week, the elected officials passed a defense bill with a timeline for withdraw of troops. I can just say thank you to them for caring about us, also telling the enemy that America is going to quit just made my job harderis is not the answer These decisions would have been made behind closed doors, without the media, it may have been a good decision. To work with these people, we must first build their trust. Once you have that, you can get a lot of things done. By telling them we are leaving, and never coming back means the terrorist(s) will continue to do what they do, because who cares? The Americans are leaving! These people will never forgive us. I feel that this whole thing could have been handled differently and more professionally. I am smart enough to know that there is nothing I can do (to) stop this, but I will just do my best to make it work so I can feel proud of what I have done over here to make a better life for these people."

Biography
Staff Sergeant Christopher S. Kiernan was killed in action in Baghdad, Iraq on Sunday, May 6, 2007.

Sgt. Kiernan was born in Charlotte, NC on February 12, 1970. He was an incredible person who possessed a special gift of effortless kindness and endless generosity. He would often give his time and resources to others in need while never asking for anything in return. The way Chris lived his life is a valuable lesson for all of us to cherish.

Chris attended King's Grant Elementary, Lynnhaven Junior High, and graduated from First Colonial High School in 1988. He enlisted in the US Army in 1990 and became a member of the armored corps. In 1991 he drove his tank in the front lines of Desert Storm. He went on to serve tours in Bosnia, Haiti, and Somalia. In 2004 he served in Iraq and was deployed there again in 2006. Throughout his military career, Chris was stationed at Fort Knox Kentucky, Erlangen Germany and Fort Hood Texas. He was awarded a Purple Heart during his service in Bosnia and a Bronze Star during his first tour in Iraq.

Chris leaves behind a grieving family and community, both military and civilian. His loving wife, Donna East Kiernan of Killeen, Texas, his parents, John and Margaret Kiernan of Virginia Beach, his grandfather, William Murray of Virginia Beach, his sister, Kathleen Dwyer, her husband, Greg Sultuska, their daughter Harly Grace of Destin, FL, his brother, Sean Kiernan and his wife, Corbie of Cambridge, MA, as well as extended family and friends who will mourn his loss forever.

The family would like to thank all of his friends who have shared so many wonderful stories about Chris that we had forgotten or had never heard. These memories and all the laughter and joy Chris gave us will be treasured forever.

Born: February 12, 1970
Place of Birth: Charlotte, North Carolina
Death: May 6, 2007
Place of Death: Baghdad, Iraq
Occupation: U.S. Army

MEMORIAL DONATIONS
Memorial donations can be made to Second Chance Animal Shelter; 5501 Clear Creek Rd., Killeen,TX 76549 or Operation Homefront-Texas, 100 Schertz Parkway Suite C, Schertz,TX 78154

Ok, on a personal note, this is HUGE here for us in Austin - just down the road from Killeen. I've been listening to the local country station this morning and his funeral procession will be coming down I-35 around 12:30 to Ft. Sam Houston. Many people are going to line the highway to show their respects. I am too. That's during my lunch hour and I work right off of 35 - like within walking distance. The radio DJ's talked to his wife Donna and had the interview on the radio and she was so angry over the soldiers' treatment by our congress and media. The DJ's of this station said they get hate calls and hate email all the time for their staunch pro-military stance and they said that they will NEVER apologize for it. Every single one of them support the war and support the soldiers and while they wish this would get wrapped up quickly, they do not want there to be a premature pull-out until the job is done. They were totally unapologetic for their support and it was beautiful to listen to. This is the #1 country station here and among the top 5 stations in Austin.

Tim McGraw sang a song at the ACM's that he wrote himself about the soldiers that have given their lives over there and that had many in tears. It's not out anywhere as far as a recorded single but I hope it is soon. They played it on the radio and it had me in tears again. I've included the lyrics for it.

Tim had 98 mothers onstage with him that have lost children in the war.

If You're Reading This
If you're reading this, with my momma sitting there,
looks like I only got a one way ticket over here.
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss,
war was just a game we played when we were kids.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

Half way around the world,
I wont be there to see the birth of our little girl.
I hope she looks like you...I hope she fights like me
and stands up for the innocent and the weak.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes.
So...lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

If you're reading this...there's going to come a day,
you'll move on and find someone else and that's ok.
Just remember this, I'm in a better place,
soldiers live in peace and angels sing Amazing Grace.

Im laying down my gun, Im hangin up my boots,
Im up here with God and we're both watching over you.
Lay me down...in that open field out on the edge of town,
And my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you're reading this...Im already home.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
On another personal note, I brought back from my really great weekend trip with Emily a lovely case of acute bronchitis and a touch of the flu. For those of you who read me frequently, you know that I struggled with acute bronchitis quite a bit between the week before Christmas (actually at that time it wa bronchopneumonia) through mid(ish)-February. I haven't done much blogging but will be back at it when I'm feeling better.

Happy Mother's Day Weekend

2007-05-11T09:06:00.000-05:00

I am outta here for the weekend with my wonderful daughter!

I wish all the mothers out there a wonderful and blessed Mother's Day on Sunday!

STARBUCKS NO MORE!

2007-05-09T19:17:00.000-05:00

Call me crazy, call me insane, call the men in the white jackets. The fateful day has finally come and I am boycotting Starbucks.

I love Starbucks. I am a major fan of their Venti Caramel Frappuccino with EXTRA Caramel. So why will that delightfully creamy concoction never pass these lips again?

Why am I boycotting Starbucks?

Lately it has become apparent that Starbucks is yet another in a long line of anti-Christian, pro-left/liberal establishments that cares nothing about offending someone like me. A conservative Christian with a strong sense of morals and ethics who doesn't agree with the World but rather the Word.

My dear friend Jack Kinsella put it so well in his daily briefing today. In the interest of space, I won't post all of it but I will post the first part of it.

* * * * *
It is a shame. Despite the fact it is overpriced, I confess that I always LIKED Starbucks coffee. But I will never put another penny into Starbucks coffers.

Starbucks has launched an incomprehensibly stupid promotion in which it posts selected messages submitted by its customers on various subjects.

I seldom get outraged the way I was when I read a story, complete with a photo of the offending cup* [with quote displayed], in the Cincinatti Post yesterday.

Under the heading, "The Way I See It", Starbucks published the following *[on the cup]:

"Why in moments of crisis do we ask God for strength and help? As cognitive beings, why would we ask something that may well be a figment of our imaginations for guidance? Why not search inside ourselves for the power to overcome? After all, we are strong enough to cause most of the catastrophes we need to endure."

The quote was written by Bill Schell, a Starbucks customer from London, Ontario, Canada, (where else?) and was included as part of an effort by the Seattle-based coffee giant to "collect different viewpoints and spur discussion."

I did a bit more digging and found the following quote from a Starbucks coffee cup in a related story on WorldnetDaily:

"My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don't make that mistake yourself. Life's too d**n short."

Starbucks has a disclaimer on its website that says, "The opinions put forth by contributors to “The Way I See It” do not necessarily reflect the views of Starbucks."

Starbucks has evidently expanded into the deli business, since that is usually where one goes if one is looking for baloney. What do you bet that nobody will send me an example of a Starbucks cup that opposes abortion?

Or one that discusses sexual abstinence outside of marriage? Or, horror of horrors, one that expresses a view that being gay isn't normal?

The dictionary defines "normal" this way: "In behavior, normal means not deviating very much from the average."

If even 10% of the population is gay, (a figure disputed as wildly inflated) then by definition, 90% of the population is not. If 50% constitutes 'average' then does it not follow that 90% vs 10% constitutes "deviating very much from the average"?

Or is arithmetic to join language on the trash heap of political correctness? Orwell would have been proud.

Starbucks also offers a place on its website where customers can offer up their own words of "wisdom" or, alternatively, render their opinion about the comments that Starbucks selected for publication.

Make no mistake about it. Starbucks SELECTS the opinions that it claims "do not necessarily reflect their corporate views." They admit in their FAQ page that comments must 'fit within the scope of our editorial guidelines." What ARE their 'editorial guidelines?'

I searched their website in vain looking for the answer to THAT question. But I doubt rather seriously that the comment I posted at Starbucks will fit within those editorial guidelines, (whatever they may be):

"Regarding "The Way I See It"

"Here's the way I see it. Your disclaimer that it isn't your opinion is meaningless. You wouldn't have published an anti-gay opinion on your cups. You wouldn't have published an anti-abortion opinion on your cups. But you DID publish an anti-God message by Bill Schell. Hard for me to believe.

I used to buy Starbucks coffee every time I passed one of your stores. My wife used to buy Starbucks coffee at the grocery store. The operative word here is "used to."

You clearly care nothing about offending ME. I will not only boycott all things Starbucks, I will encourage everyone I know to do the same. I am outraged.

It matters not whether you publish my comment. I will never know. It's a shame. I liked your coffee. A lot more, evidently, than you liked my business." . . .
* * * * *
*[these are my additions to the above article for clarification]

What Jack wrote is so true. You will never see a slogan on Starbucks that is anti-abortion, or anti-radical Muslim or any of the other anti-"far left" viewpoints, only those that are anti-Christian, anti-"right wing" and anti-traditional values. After all, haven't you heard? The only groups that are fair game anymore for attacking are the fundamentalist, Bible-believing Christians and the Jews. Everyone else is "off limits" but you might as well call us a piñata because the hits just keep on coming.

So, it is a matter of principle for ME that I am starting this boycott on Starbucks because of this direction that they have decided to take in not caring if they offend someone like me, or Jack, or YOU. Goodbye Venti Caramel Frappuccino. I knew you well. We had some great times together over the years.

Actually, I'm not too broken up over it.

After all, there's always the Dunkin' Donuts Iced Latte or DQ's MooLatté. And anyway, taking a stand for my faith and personal beliefs is more important than any chilled concoction from a company who could care less about offending me.

If you want to sign your name to the Starbucks Boycott or grab one of the Starbucks No More! icons as shown below for your site, click HERE or on one of the icons below.

Starbucks No More! Medium Icon:
I'm Boycotting
Starbucks!

Starbucks No More! Small Icon:
I'm Boycotting
Starbucks!

Take a stand for your rights as a conservative Christian, or as someone who feels that your right to believe in God and proclaim it is being threatened by the increasingly hostile anti-God, anti-Christian, anti-traditional values sentiments embraced and encouraged by major corporations/companies out there who pander to the loud minority voices such as Starbucks, FORD Motor Company, Disney, AT&T – the list is endless. Ever notice that it's progressively only a free speech right when it's not a conservative Christian espousing their beliefs or talking about their faith?

Take a stand for your beliefs! Let them know that they can't silence us just because they don't like what we have to say. Change in the world starts with one person, then catches on to two, then four – and so forth and so on. If we put our collective efforts behind it, together we can be even louder and make our voices HEARD!

Note:
If you want to share your opinion with Starbucks, here is the link:
http://www.starbucks.com/retail/thewayiseeit_comments.asp

HOW much did you say that was?

2007-05-08T06:41:00.000-05:00

UGH! Nothing sucks worse than paying for car repairs. Ok, well almost nothing sucks worse. Before you think I had another accident, no, I didn’t. Many months ago I was at the store and when I came back outside the driver’s side rear light cover was shattered on the ground. No note, someone just had hit it out and left. I didn’t have the 100+ bucks it was going to take to replace it. Well, last week my brakes started making a grinding noise – not every time I would brake, but on uneven surfaces, plus I need new tires so I took my vehicle in on Saturday to get that take care of. It’s Tuesday, I still don’t have my mini-van back. I was told on Saturday that I might not be able to get it back that day but that they would have it ready for me "tomorrow" (meaning Sunday). I thought that was a little odd that a service department was open on Sunday, but since a lot of dealerships around here are open on Sunday I didn’t think too much of it. So, I called on Sunday when I didn’t hear anything and, as Gomer Pyle would say...surprise, surprise, surprise, wouldn’t you know it, they were closed on Sundays.

Now, I told the young buck who took my vehicle that I needed it back Monday for work and I was assured that I would have it back by then. Not the case.

So, now I have been using my mom’s vehicle to take her to work and then get myself to work. Em has been sick AGAIN this week. Odd that she seems to get sick a lot when she’s at her dad’s. Lots of coughing and stuff. She does well when she’s with me but she has come back from her dad’s the last couple of times with coughing and stuffyness – the time before this weekend with viral tonsillitis. It could be the roll of the dice but it makes me wonder if there is something over there that has been changed or added that she is allergic to or that is making her sick. At least I haven’t had to take Em to school on top of all this stuff.

So, back to the vehicle. I called yesterday and, hmmmmm, surprise, surprise, surprise again, they didn’t even have me in the system. At that point, I, ahem, may have gotten a little testy and loud. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M NOT IN THERE AND YOU CAN’T FIND ME! I DROPPED MY MINI-VAN OFF SATURDAY. YOU HAVE MY KEYS!”

The person on the other end of the line started to stammer a little by this point. “Yes, ma’am, I’m sure it’s here somewhere. I, um, I, well, we just have to find it. Um, can I call you back in a few minutes?”

So, then after he calls back saying that yes, they did find my vehicle (I should HOPE so!), he then said that the light cover – the LIGHT COVER alone – would be 174.00. ‘Scuse me? HOW much did you say that would be?! Well, that on top of the tires, on top of the alignment, on top of the brakes, and I’m coming out of there 900.00 lighter at least, if not closer to 1,000.00. So there goes my tax return. Not only that, but the tires they were going to put on yesterday? They only had 2 in stock. The others are coming in from another city today, hence the reason I do not have it back yet.

VERY BIG SIGH!

The only so called “bright” side of this is that he is going to give me some sort of discount on the total for #1 the inconvenience of being told that my vehicle would be ready Sunday, when they are clearly closed on Sunday and #2 for having to wait an extra day for tires that they should have had in stock. I can only imagine what the total is going to be, probably not a whole lot taken off, but if God is merciful right now, it will be a good little bit taken off the total. I still have to pay Emily’s tuition and deposit for summer camp – another 900+ dollars total.

It sucks being poor but I am so very thankful that I had my tax refund to fall back on for my vehicle – though that means no MP3 player for me that I was hoping to get, and paying for my plane ticket to KC for my birthday in July will have to be placed on hold...again.

Speaking of MP3 players, which one would you recommend that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg? I’d like an FM tuner on it and one that’s not so bulky. Maybe by December I can have enough to get one for a Christmas present for myself. That is if I have a job after August 31. I still don’t know if my job is going to keep me on after the contract fully transitions over to the new company in charge of that contract.

LORD give me strength!

Thankful Thursday

2007-05-03T00:01:00.000-05:00

I listen to the sound of the rain fallin' down my window
Praying for a gentle wind...
~Celine Dion

So, the rain is pouring down here in Austin. I'm looking out the sliding glass door that faces the back yard, watching the lightening brighten the night in shades of purple and white, seeing the rain pour off the edge of the roof in a silver stream...plugging my ears after the more violent lightening strikes b/c I HATE loud cracking thunder. Have since I was a child and still do to this day. Low rolling thunder is good, heavy rumbles aren't too bad, but the cracks that split the night with their sharpness to the point where they make you cringe or jump, yeah, hate it.

So, it's been a while (since January) that I've done a Thankful Thursday/1000 Gifts post and, frankly, it seems like things to be thankful for - other than the same daily stuff - have been few and far between lately. But, in order to focus on the good, you have to stop looking at the bad and today I am in need of a HUGE dose of thankfulness to just pull me up out of the doldrums so here is this week's Thankful Thursday/1000 Gifts post.

~1 Thessalonians 5:18~ Give thanks to God in all circumstances (no matter what they may be), for this is God's will for you (who are) in Christ Jesus.

Thankful Thursday: What Nic is thankful for this week

My cousin Lisa who has become one of the most amazing, truly transformed Christian woman. Not only is she the closest cousin to my age and my favorite cousin (out of over 40 cousins) and always has been but she has become someone I trust implicitly to be able to give me truly Godly advice. I have become so appreciative of her.
Friends who make you laugh and who are always willing to dance with you.
Sleep blessed sleep - which has been in short supply lately.
The ability to be a mother b/c being a mother gives my life purpose. Most of everything I do, I do for Em.
Good food and plenty of it when millions in the world go without for days and weeks.
Getting fit in a fun way that also teaches me to defend myself and my loved ones.

(If you participate, leave your link in the comments and I'll post it below; or, you can post in the comments)

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When it rains it pours

2007-04-30T06:29:00.000-05:00

It seems like when it rains it pours and lately it's been flooding. I found out last week Monday that I was one of 10 people not chosen to interview for transition to the companies that took over the major contract that we lost on that re-compete bid last year so I may be jobless on September 1, and I don't know if my work wants to keep me around or if I'm going to have to look for another job. It's scary as heck for me right now even though it is in God's hands. I haven't had child support from my ex since September and there are all these expenses associated with Emily's tuition, etc., though I can't withhold him from seeing her or I can get thrown in jail for contempt of court decree but the courts can't force him to get a job to pay child support so right now he gets all of the benefits and none of the responsibilities and that is really weighing on me.

Emily was really sick last week with viral tonsilitis and a fever of 104 for 3 days, but b/c it was viral there were no meds that they could give her and it just had to run its course so every day I was up with her around 4-4:30 b/c she was waking up at that time b/c her throat hurt her so bad – let me tell you, I'm exhausted today still from last week. And then on Friday something happend and my feelings about it are kinda petty but it really got to me. On Wednesday or Thursday one guy here asked the lead admin to go to lunch, which he does on a regular basis and that's fine, and then b/c they were standing right where the receptionist was, they asked her if she wanted to go too, I was standing right around the corner checking the fax machine and I walked up and not a word was mentioned to me. So then, not only was I NOT asked to go to lunch, I was also asked to cover for them while they went b/c the admin across the hall couldn't cover - so they had no intention of asking me in the first place, even if the person across the hall could have covered. I ended up getting a message and having to leave for the day and was glad to do so b/c I was about to snap and it was getting really difficult to hold my tongue. It's been going on like this for a few weeks now. Not these things in particular, but just little things that seem to really get under my skin.

Not only that but I was called last week by my insurance b/c the girl from the last post was filing an injury claim – I mean come ON! And then yesterday I was with my mom and Emily getting soil for my mom's plants and I either got stung or bit twice by something right on the crease where my rear meets my leg. It stung like FIRE, though curiously there is no real redness or bite marks, but every now and then I feel a bit of discomfort going down my right hamstring from the bite site and it really burns when something warm brushes up against it. Suckage. Seriously.

When it rains, it pours and I feel like I just want to cry, but I won't b/c that's not me. I'm the one who just sucks it up and pushes on, putting one foot in front of the other, but I'd really like to take a break. Have everything going really ok in my life with no work/life stress, no bickering, no worrying about money and how am I going to keep making ends meet, have someone for once who was afraid of losing me, who was happy to see me and who felt blessed that I was in their life. Is that too much to ask? Sometimes I feel like it is b/c I've been asking and I haven't seen anything yet. SIGH...

Yup, it's another Monday. :-P

Mixed bag Monday's weekend report

2007-04-23T06:55:00.000-05:00

Holy mother of pearl! I am so unbelievably sore today. They say the 2nd day after an intense workout is always the worst if you're not used to it. Saturday I took a 3 hour women's self-defense class in Krav Maga and I'm STILL sore in places that I didn't know I had muscles. Krav Maga (Hebrew קרב מגע: "contact combat") is a self-defense and military hand-to-hand combat system developed in Israel. It came to prominence following its adoption by various Israeli Security Forces and is now used by military and law enforcement personnel, as well as civilians, around the world. Needless to say, it rocked and I am now signed up and going to be taking classes over the next 12 months (or more) in it. Highly physical, highly FUN!

To give you a brief overview of Krav Maga:

In Krav Maga, there are no hard-and-fast rules. It is not a sport, and there are no competitions. All the techniques focus on maximum efficiency in real-life conditions. Krav Maga generally assumes a "no quarter" situation; the attacks and defenses are intended to inflict the most pain possible on the opponent in the least amount of time. Groin strikes, headbutts, and other efficient and potentially brutal attacks are emphasized.

The guiding principles for those performing Krav Maga techniques are:

neutralize the threat

avoid injury

go from defending to attacking as quickly as possible

use the body's natural reflexes

strike at any vulnerable point

use any tool or object nearby

The basic idea is to first deal with the immediate threat (being choked, for example), prevent the attacker from re-attacking, and then neutralize the attacker, proceeding through all steps in a straightforward manner, despite the rush of adrenaline that occurs in such an attack. The emphasis is put on taking the initiative from the attacker as soon as possible.

Techniques

Although Krav Maga shares many techniques with other martial arts, such as Boxing, Savate and Muay Thai (for the punches, kicks, elbows, and knees) or Jujutsu, Judo and Wrestling (for the grappling and disarming techniques), the training is often quite different. It stresses fighting under worst-case conditions or from disadvantaged positions (for example, against several opponents, when protecting someone else, with one arm unusable, when dizzy, or against armed opponents).

Training in Krav Maga is an aerobic workout, and relies heavily on pads. Students take turns holding pads and doing combatives against the pads. This is important because it allows the student to practice the technique at full strength, and the student holding the pad learns a little of the impact they'd feel when they get hit. It can be almost as taxing to hold a pad as to practice against one. Some schools incorporate "Strike and Fight," which consists of full-contact sparring intended to familiarize the student with the stresses of a violent situation.

Training may employ a speaker system blasting loud music, stroboscope and/or fog machine, meant to train the student to ignore peripheral distractions and focus on causing as much damage as possible. Training might also contain ways to deal with situations which could end in fights. Physical and verbal methods to avoid violence whenever possible are taught.

A typical Krav Maga session in a civilian school is about an hour long and mixes aerobic training with self-defense teaching. As levels increase, the instructors focus a little less on aerobic training and slightly more on combatives. First, the instructor will run a very intense drill to get the class's heart rates up. Then, after stretching, the instructor will teach two or three self-defense techniques. In the beginning the techniques will either be combatives (punches, hammer-fists, elbows, knees and roundhouse kicks, for example – we actually went through the basics in all of these in class) or grappling (breaking out of chokes or wrist-grabs, getting out from under an opponent while on one's back). After that, the class usually moves to a drill that combines the techniques just taught with an aerobic technique. Finally, there is the final drill intended to burn out the students. Depending on the class - and on the instructor's mood - this drill may be at the very beginning or at the end of the class.

I had to slip out a little early to shower and change because I had to be at a friend's BBQ that was quite a drive by 2:00. This guy is my best friend's ex. We've known him both the same time as we all used to work together. They still are very good friends and we all do stuff from time to time together. Anyway, he makes the BEST sangria so a good time was had by all with BBQ and horseshoes and music and I learned a really cool dice game – had never played it before – I won 3 out of the 4 times we played. Soundly smacked the guys too!

After, I went home, changed and went out dancing and that is where the downside of the mixed bag happened. (Yes, Em was with her dad this weekend).

On my way to the dance place (C&W) I was stopped at a stoplight not 500 or so feet from the driveway entrance to the place and I was looking in my purse for some lipstick and my foot slipped off the brake and I just barely nudged the car in front of me. We get out and I can tell that she could be trouble. Great – just what I need.

Before she even has looked at the vehicles she gets on the phone and is all:

Her: "Yes, I need the police. Someone just slammed into the back of me."
Me: "Are you SERIOUS?"
Her: (to me, but into the phone) "Ma'am, please don't yell at me"
Me: "Honey, if I were yelling at you, believe me, you'd know it"
Her: (Into the phone) "Yes, I was in an accident last month and my back is still hurting…yes, please send someone."
Me: (Rolling my eyes)

Miscellaneous chatter between her and me and her and the phone ensues. So we pulled into the parking lot and wait and we hear all sorts of sirens. By this time she's getting a little freaked out.

Her: (looking extremely concerned/worried now that she hears the ambulance sirens) "I didn't ask her to have the ambulance come. I'm fine, I don't know why she sent them."
Me: (left eyebrow cocked) "Honey, I heard your conversation. You may not have specifically SAID the words 'send an ambulance' but when you're telling her that 'someone SLAMMED into the back of you' and that 'you had been in an accident the previous month and your back was still hurting' oh and to 'please send someone' what do you think she is going to do? Hmmmmm?"
Her: "I'm fine, I'm fine"
Me: "Well, you might want to tell the EMT's AND the firemen that b/c, well, it looks like she just sent out the cavalry"
Her: (Soon as the EMT's get out of the ambulance) "I'm fine, I don't need anything. I don't know why she called you guys out here (meaning the dispatcher)."
EMT: "So, you don't want to be checked out then?"
Her: "No, I'm fine, I'm fine. You don't need to be here."
EMT: "Then you'll have no problem signing the waiver [refused to be seen]"
Her: "Yeah, I'll sign it"

They ask me to sign it too. By now, they're waiving off the firetruck that showed up, and 3 cop cars are pulling up.

Cops to EMT's: "Everything ok?"
EMT: "Yeah, she refused to be checked out"
Cop: "Got the paper signed"
EMT: "Yup. We're outta here."

So we go about doing the whole information on what happened, etc. and ALL 3 cops thought it was rather stupid. No damage on either vehicle. Her vehicle was "supposedly" a rental car, which was extremely dirty and dusty and had an expired temporary tag in the rear window. I'm chatting with the cops as they're checking out the vehicle, getting along just fine with them. She is acting rather put out by the whole thing.

Cop: (I overheard one say this to the other two) "The dirt on her [other girl] back bumper isn't even disturbed. This is ridiculous."
Cop: (To me) "If it were up to me, to us, we'd let it go, but it was called in and reported so I'm going to have to give you a citation for failure to maintain assured distance."
Me: "Yeah, I understand"

So then the gist of it is, the other girl, being kind of stand-offish to the cops, me being nice and talking with them, well, the cops pretty much said "take it to court, we won't be there". Yeah, thank you very much. I'd rather take it to court and get it dismissed than pay the 163.00 fine PLUS take a defensive driving course. First time in probably 7 years I would have had to take one if I don't go to court. UGH!

I ended up going out and having a GRAND time. Danced a lot – it's nice to know a lot of guys who two-step instead of going out and just standing there – which has happened over the past couple of years.

Now I just have to find a way to keep from charlie-horsing and cramping up all over the place so that I can move without looking like an old woman.

Happy Monday – SIGH!

HDQ

2007-04-18T06:25:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is the return of the HDQ. The Humpy Day Question. My answer to the question comes in a different format. I found these GREAT little icons while searching for fun stuff to put on my MySpace page. They are the "Secrets of Women". Amazingly enough I FIT most of the statements really well. I saw myself in them. So, here are the statements:

The Secrets of Women

Now, here is the HDQ. What "secret" [like the above] describes you? In other words, if you had to make one of those little icons, what "secret" about yourself would you put on one?

Truthful Tuesday

2007-04-17T06:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I haven't done one of these things in a while but wanted to get some opinions/advice from my blogfriends.

You see, I have a friend. A guy friend. He's, well, he's my best guy friend. Kind of the male counterpart to MC, however he lives 3 states away in near my very favorite city. He is in his early 40's so there are a few years between us. He is unbelievably good looking with a nice physique. Former military/MP. Genuinely, truly nice and a good man. I can talk to this man unlike any man I've ever really been able to talk to. Frank, direct and honest. Literally no holds barred in our conversations, no secrets, no lies, and as scary as that is sometimes for me to open myself up like that it is really, really a nice thing to have that kind of trust in someone of the opposite sex – especially for me who wants to trust others but 99.9% of the time ends up getting burned at some point when I do let someone in.

We met in person last year through mutual friends here in Texas but really started talking via email at the beginning of this year. In many ways we are so very similar and in many ways we are so opposite that if we were to stand on each end of the spectrum, I doubt that we could see each other.

Here's the thing. We acknowledged over the weekend, in a round about way, that there was a pretty good (read: HOT) physical attraction there between us. But, he is all wrong for me in so many ways and we also mutually agreed over the weekend that we know that if anything were to happen between us that it would most likely ruin our friendship and that is a bridge that neither one of us are willing to cross/burn. I enjoy having him in my life as a friend and refuse to risk it and he feels the same.

The other thing is that he is a rather troubled soul at times. He's a Christian, of that there is no doubt, but he struggles a lot with...things, drinks much more than he should (not all the time but when he does drink he usually doesn't stop until he's snockered off his rocker – let me tell you, those emails are interesting), is stubborn when he sets his mind on something that would put a donkey to shame (usually when he's been drinking), he has a...difficult...family, to put it delicately, is twice divorced, has two teen sons, one who is rather troubled himself, and he says things in the heat of the moment that can't be taken back and can be very hurtful. He knows he's a good guy at the heart of it but I think he really has a tough time believing it and in himself – he would say that he doesn't have a problem with that, but his actions speak otherwise. He does some really stupid things sometimes that make me want to get in his face and say "WISE UP! GROW UP! SNAP OUT OF IT!" b/c I truly care about what he is doing to himself and yet, I know if I did he would really be wounded, though he wouldn't admit it, just pull away, his ego/pride/self stung.

I care deeply about him as anyone would care about their best friend and what issues they are going through.

So, question for you – How do I approach him about his self-destructive behaviors without soundly pissing him off or is there no way around it?

I can't write to him like I normally do b/c he gets frustrated by my "wordiness" and usually ends up missing the point in the first place b/c he's more focused on his frustration. He needs to hear it in "guy speak" – so to speak.

Help?!

Friday's Feast

2007-04-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

Today's FFT is a place that I just literally came upon a few minutes ago. It's pretty funny, really. Caress Body Wash has these "new" fairy tales narrated by the gorgeous Kate Walsh from my favorite show - Grey's Anatomy. They only have 2 up so far but the first one about Beauty and the beast is really quite humorous. Anyway, Go check it out for a little mindless fun!

Caress Fairy Tales

Now on with the short Friday's Feast this week.

Appetizer
When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite?
Gold and Silver had special places in my heart

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move?
1

Salad
Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total?
76

Main Course
Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to?
Can't say that I have

Dessert
Name something you need from the store.
Nothing I NEED right now, but plenty of things that I want and which store are we talking about?

400: The SitRep

2007-04-10T06:52:00.000-05:00

Well, today is my 400th post. It is also the 1 year anniversary of my divorce. Many of you have followed my progress before then and since then. The heartbreak, the heartache, the frustrations, the growth, the family, the friends, the gratitude and so forth and so on. I confess that lately it seems wearying to write about my life and the posts have been pretty non-personal other than the Friday's Feast and the memes. Pretty much since not much is going on right now other than it's busy. A friend of mine in Iraq – no, not Dan, another friend – calls times like this NSTR, a term they use in the military. NSTR = Nothing Significant To Report. I like that term. It means that things are pretty much on an even keel right now, and that's a good thing. Status quo is good sometimes. A breather, a break from the extreme ups and downs is good. So, what is this NSTR in my life then? How are things really? Steady. Surprisingly normal. And yet, I find myself with very little time to myself.

It actually sleeted pretty hard around the Austin area for Easter weekend. I think that's a first. About an hour or so Northwest of Austin it snowed – hard. Now I can see this happening in the North, Northeast, Midwest and Mountain regions, but not the South – or at least not as far South as Austin is. It amazes me about Texas weather. Sunday morning we can be at the freezing point (literally) and by tomorrow it could reach almost 90. You know the old saying – if you don't like Texas weather, just wait a few minutes and it'll change. Well, except from late July – September. Then it's pretty much just HOT, humid and gross.

Work is busier than a tissue factory in the middle of allergy season. Still uncertain.

Emily is good. She had tubes in her ears on the 30th of March and is doing just fine. Still hearing well. Ears are draining – still. There was a lot of gunk in them.

Me? Well, I'm doing pretty good. Decided to try and dip my foot in the dating pool again and am corresponding with someone who seems really nice so far but it's just the very, very, very beginning, the very start of the "getting to know you" kind of thing so the undecided is still there. He doesn't live near Austin but at least he is in the state of Texas this time. LOL! MC calls me a chicken and scared, though I prefer to think that I'm just very picky. I know what I want and I won't settle for less this time around. She's probably just a little bit right as well. I'm scared to get back in and get my heart battered and bruised again. I've had enough of that in my life and I don't want anymore. Hopefully I'll find someone who won't put me through so much of that. We'll see.

I've been working with my dear friend Jack Kinsella of the Omega Letter as his Road Tour coordinator. It's pro-bono, it's super busy, it's extremely rewarding. I am the person that everyone who wants to have Jack speak at their church or event between May and September goes to in order to get on the schedule. I have created a travel itinerary so that he and his lovely wife aren't being pulled in several directions at once and it seems to be working well so far. I tell him where to go, who he's meeting with and when to be there and he's there. I might post more about it later, but suffice it to say, I really enjoy doing this! It is fulfilling in a different kind of way altogether! :-)

The X? Well, he and I have found some sort of middle ground. He still frustrates me sometimes and angers me at others, but for the most part it's pretty steady and I think we've started to move past the past and that's a good thing. We have a shared past, we have had a shared love, we have a daughter. It's time to move on and co-parent as best as we can. Admittedly it's easier to forgive him because of that past that we've shared. (Notice I said him) It's a good thing. Finally.

So, we'll see what happens next in my life over the next 100 posts. Hopefully things will start to go up instead of stay status quo. I'm ready for a change of some sort in my life for the better. Hopefully this will be the year that happens. It's time.

Oh, before I forget, a HUGE congrats goes out to one of my very dearest blogfriends Captain Picard who is also celebrating his 400th post. Please go over and tell him congrats too!

Happy 400 to me. Happy "divorceaversary" today as well. Actually, not so happy, but that's the way the dice rolls, the cookie crumbles and so forth. As I said, it's time to move on to the future – instead of living in the past.

Resurrection

2007-04-08T04:36:00.000-05:00

This week Christians everywhere acknowledge a pivotal point in history that literally affects EVERYONE! That event is the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

"He is not here, but He is risen" (verse 6) are words that matter eternally. If they are a lie, humanity has no hope after this life. If they are the truth, rejecting the Risen Lord Jesus Christ has eternal consequences. "He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life" (I John 5:12).

Paul said (I Corinthians 15:14) "and if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is vain, your faith also is vain."

Many things we believe and do daily matter little. But the Resurrection is eternally important.

The bodily resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead is the crowning proof of Christianity. Everything else that was said or done by Christ and the Apostles, no matter how great or marvelous, is secondary to the Resurrection in importance. If the Resurrection did not take place, then Christianity is a false religion. If it did take place, then Christ is God and the Christian faith is absolute truth.

Death is man’s greatest enemy, and it has conquered all men but Christ. No matter how brilliant or rich or strong he may be, no man is wise enough to outwit death or wealthy enough to purchase freedom from death or strong enough to vanquish death. The grave always wins the victory, and man sooner or later returns to the dust.

In fact, the inexorable triumph of death applies not only to man, but to all things. Animals die and plants die, and even whole species atrophy and become extinct. Cities and nations, like people, are born and grow for a season, and then fade away. Homes and automobiles and clothes wear out and must eventually go back to the dust, just as do their owners. Even the universe itself is running down and heading toward an ultimate “heat death.”

This universal reign of decay and death is called in the Bible the “bondage to decay” (Romans 8:21). In science it has come to be recognized as the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Also known as the Law of Increasing Entropy, this Second Law is now recognized as a universal law in science, with no known exception ever observed. It says, quite simply, that every system tends to become disordered, to run down and eventually die. Its entropy, which is a measure of disorder, always tends to increase.

The universality of the reign of decay and death is the measure of the absolute uniqueness of the resurrection of Christ. All other men, even the greatest men and the holiest men, have died. Buddha, Mohammed, Zoroaster, Confucius, Caesar, Marx—men who made a profound impact on the world in one way or another—are all dead.

But Jesus Christ is alive! It is true that He died and was buried, in common with all other men, but unlike other men He returned from Hades, resurrected His own dead body, made it henceforth immortal, and emerged from the tomb, alive forevermore! This was the greatest of all miracles, and could have been accomplished only if Jesus indeed is God, as He had claimed to be.

If all this is somehow a delusion and if Jesus of Nazareth did not really rise from the dead, then He is no different from other great men who are also dead. He is worse than they, in fact, because He is thereby branded as either a charlatan or a madman, since He staked all His claims to absolute deity on His promise to return from the dead.

On the other hand, if the Resurrection is really a demonstrable fact of history, then not only are His claims vindicated, but so are His promises. Death is not, after all, the great victor but is a defeated foe. He has “caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead” (1 Peter 1:3). “But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, … so also in Christ shall all be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:20, 22), as the “firstborn of the dead . . . and behold, I am alive forevermore” (Revelation 1:5, 18).*

Dead in our sins, we have only one hope for new life: by trusting in Jesus Christ and relying on His death and resurrection for our salvation. No other spiritual leader has ever conquered death; Jesus is the unique Son of God. He is “the way, and the truth, and the life” (John 14:6), and “whoever believes in [Him], though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25).

What difference does the Resurrection make in your life today?

Happy Resurrection Day!