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Make it small (No anatomical analogies shall me made if you choose this option… Do you mind if I call you teeny, sir? ;P)

The shoot was of the building atrium, located smack in the middle of all the other municipality offices.

I was told that initially, this area had no ceiling and was a courtyard in between the other offices. Given the Saudi weather, people tended to stay away. After a bit of renovation, the place is now the most occupied section of the Municipality. Saudi Govt: 0 for planning, 10 for improvisation!

Comfortable seats were added, as well as plants and air conditioning. My task though, was to highlight the 'space frame', which is the scaffolding you see at the top. It was done by the architecture firm I'm working with.

The triangular scaffolding, or 'space frames' are quite common and you've undoubtedly seen them around (but I bet you didn't know they were called 'space frames', heh!). What was unique here was the fabric 'pyramids' added to the top. The aesthetic improvements from this is immense.

Firstly, it just looks really cool! Definitely a step up from the drab scaffolding look.

But most importantly, the white fabric of the pyramids reflects light. Not only does this attenuate Saudi's glaring sun, but the light that does reach the space below is wonderfully diffused. Sitting in the atrium actually feels like sitting in a wide open, airy place.

Not just for show, the frame is actually holding the entire ceiling up as well.

+1 to the Saudi Government! Good Job! Now please let the women drive ;P

1 – Grab a random article from Wikipedia.
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first  article you get is the name of your band.

2 – Go to “Random quotations”
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last 4-6 words of the last quotation on the page is your album title.

3 – Head to the last 7 days’ top photos on Flickr
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4- You can use an online photo-text app (like Picfont) to quickly put all of those together.

5- Upload your new album cover onto imgur (http://imgur.com/) and post it in the comments here and I’ll re-upload them into this post with your names and comments.

Lets see what kind of craziness we can come up with!

Will start with me:

Ahem I know what you're thinking... you pervert. I think the PC terminology here is "Caucasian Male" ;P

Chiara's cover. Text says "Tonkawa Massacre" "Either a liberal or a conservative". Friendly fire ;P

From Mina. Don't worry, I can't make much sense of this either... though I am seriously wondering what kind of quote references Bozo the Clown ;P

Susanne's contribution. Never knew Kim Jong-Il was a proponent of dendrophilia ;P ... Though that *is* a nice tree.. just sayin'

From Bilal. Sounds like a zombie invasion in Bengal. :O

Arslan's contribution. Maybe its because its Ramadan, but this makes me hungry : P

Sand duning is by no means a new activity. People have been driving through the desert ever since the first pickup trucks made it to Saudi. But in recent years, it has developed into a proper pastime, with enthusiasts convening in large numbers to drive up and down these sand hills.

Having been to the dunes several times on an ATV before, I recently decided to don a photography backpack to document what goes on in Saudi Arabia’s sand dunes.

And you’re always welcome to hide the sidebar for the hi-res versions of these photos. Do follow the site via google, twitter or FB first of course, there’s some great posts about Saudi helicopters coming up!
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The desert is ever-changing. Though dunes are common in the Saudi, duning locations will move around over the years at the behest of natural forces.

It's not difficult to spot a popular duning location. While the winds will cover up car tracks in the soft sands, the flats around them, which are used to gain speed for climbing, are marked with tire trails. There is a strange beauty to be found in these patterns.

Saudi Arabia's economic infrastructure was probably built on pickup trucks. With oilfields hundreds of kilometers out in the desolate desert, supplying oil workers was left to trucks like these, which Saudis affectionately call "Waneet". As the story goes, the Saudi American Oil Company used to tag its supply vehicles with IDs depending on their class. Pickup trucks' numbers always started with '18'. As time progressed, the locals started associating the arrival of the one-eight-vehicle with pickups. 'one-eight', 'oneight', 'waneet'!

It's not limited to waneets of course. Pretty any vehicle people can get their hands on ends up here. It is quite common for young Saudis to rent out new cars for a run up and down the dunes. This practice, and that of taf7eet (drifting) with new cars is why you can never find a decent rental in Saudi!

It takes a big run-up for the waneets, with their smaller engines, to make it up a hill. There is considerable skill involved as well. Don't do it right and gravity will pull you down...backwards!

Or, you would get stuck ;P

4x4s and cars with bigger engines can pull off some more tricks. On a good day, hundreds of cars will converge into the dunes, taking their turns up and down the sands. Not everyone drives of course! Some are just content to come and watch!

ATVs make an entrance too. Rented from the numerous dealers waiting around the dunes, these smaller vehicles can be found buzzing all around the dunes, dodging each other and some of the larger cars! One may notice the absolute lack of any zoning laws or regulations in the sport. Duning has a terrible safety record. Sit down with anyone heading to the dunes frequently and they'll tell you stories of horrible accidents. Upturned ATVs, collisions with other vehicles are not rare, and given the fact most duning spots are away from major cities and hospitals, often deadly.

ATVs will tend to keep to themselves and cars stay out of areas with too many ATVs. In fact, sticking close to the ATV dealers is considered very safe and you will even find women and children riding around. No I will NOT post a picture of a girl in a niqab on an ATV. Instead, here's one of some dude jumping on one ;P

It can get very, very dusty up here... This one was a pretty close call for me but I managed to duck out of the way of the oncoming waneet and turn around for a click before the dust overwhelmed me!

And it can also get very, very gay. But who am I to judge. This is Saudi; guys walk around holding pinkies here.

Sometimes though, even the dust can get quite spectacular.

Uh oh, they noticed me. There's one thing the drivers love more than putting on a show. It's putting on a show for a cameraman. Once they noticed me buzzing around in my ATV snapping off shots, things got strange. I was surrounded by waneets. Every few minutes, someone would stop and ask which magazine I was shooting for.

It was around this time that people started trying outrageous stunts around us (me and a photographer friend). Though we got some interesting shots, things were getting a little too dangerous for comfort. We decided to head back!

Getting Ripped Off

For me, the shock came in the fall of 2009. Till then I had bought most of my equipment while living in the United States and picking up a new lens had been as easy as walking into B&H Photo on 9th Avenue (NYC). Since moving and starting to take on professional assignments however, I realized I’d need to upgrade.

I had my eyes set on the Canon 5D Mark II. This beast, with its full frame sensor and excellent low light performance had me sold. Sadly, the local stores hadn’t. I spent a month scouring the stores all over Saudi. The Mark II, which costs about $3500 (~SR13,000) in the US, was up for an average price of SR20,000 here.

"You can have the camera for, one MILLION dollars" ~ Inside every Canon reseller in Saudi

That ladies and gentlemen is a markup of over 50%. At that price, I could get a ticket to NYC, buy the camera and come back, and still save money.  The state of photography is dismal in Saudi. Even the “official” Canon dealers rarely have anything but the narrowest range of lenses. Each one marked up high enough to make you shudder. I suspect its similar with Nikon.

Not Just Your Gear

This doesn’t stop at just electronics. Did you know that you were getting ripped off on the price of printing at ’studios’? Here’s just a brief comparison of printing rates.

There’s also the fact that they simply have better printers out west and photos from there are easily of higher quality. And then you have photobooks, flushmount albums, proofing albums and a wide assortment of other print products that simply are not available in Saudi Arabia.

How To Deal With It

How do photography enthusiasts deal with this? Simple, we take our business outside.

Getting Photo Gear

My quest to buy the 5D MkII did have a happy ending! Tired of the market here, I logged onto Adorama and had a look around. It turned out they offer international shipping. After a few back and forth emails with the customer service (Yes Saudi Arabia, CUSTOMER SERVICE!!), where they assured me of their international shipping, I went ahead and placed my order. Shipping charges: ~$100

My camera arrived in 5 days (business days that is!).

Since then, I have placed quite a few orders through Adorama. Each one has arrived within a week, and I’ve never had a reason to complain. Not comfortable with just one reseller? B&H Photo is also well known and well regarded. And they too offer international shipping to Saudi.

Prints and more

Now you might say that it makes sense to pay $100 to ship something that costs $1000+, but what about printing and other minor shipments? In fact most US based printers do not ship internationally. To get past that, there is a service provided by Aramex (and I hear DHL as well) called Shop&Ship. It costs SR100 to set up which gives you a mailing address in the US.

You simply ship your prints to this address and they’ll charge you a low fee (SR30 + 35 for every half kg) for shipping. Photo prints rarely go above 0.5kg and never above 1kg so expect to be paying between SR65-100 per shipment. This will not always be cheaper than printing locally, but here’s a quick reference on which option to pick:

As you can see, if printing anything but the smallest size, it becomes very economical to have your order shipped. The only downside here being that you’ll have to wait about 10 days for your delivery as opposed to same-day.

This method of shipping also makes economical buying photo-bags, lens filters and other small items.

Of course I’m not adding in the SR100 set up fee here, but then again, you can always use your mailbox to buy that t-shirt from zazzle.com that you had your eye on ;P

Know of better alternatives in Saudi Arabia or elsewhere? Do let me know in the comments!

A little bit of terminology

When you take a picture, you control the amount of light entering the camera and focus it onto an image sensor. This light that you let in is measured in ’stops’. A stop is not an absolute measure like say speed, in the sense that you can’t state: “That wall is 2 stops bright”. Instead, it is used as a relative term: “That wall is 2 stops brighter than the ground”.

Most modern digital cameras take the guess-work out for you. They look at the scene you’re trying to shoot and decide what the best exposure for it is (that is, to make it look like your eye sees it). They then give you a readout allowing you to make the image brighter or darker.

This is the meter on a 5D Mark II showing the exposure of an image. "0" is the base exposure of a scene. Selecting "+1" will cause the image to be twice as bright as "0" while "-1" means half as bright. "+2" and "-2" correspond to four times and 1/4 times bright as 0 respectively.

To get an idea of what one stop is, it’s simply the doubling of the amount of light. 2 stops means 2 doubles, so the wall I described above would be 4 times as bright. The images below explain this concept more clearly.

These three images of the Burj Al Arab were taken simultaneously at three different settings. The middle is the 'base', or what the camera thought would be 'proper' exposure. It decides this using a complex algorithm built in. The '-2' is two stops darker (hence 4 times less light) than the base, while the +2 image is 4 times brighter. Shooting the same scene at different exposures is called exposure bracketing. But more on this in another post!

If not all of that stuck, no problem! As a photographer, you only need a general understanding of what stops are and only a photographer Nazi would hate on you for not knowing exactly what they are.

Nazi cat is not amused you lack knowledge of the basics of photography.

Affecting Exposure

Let me just start off by saying that photography is a game of trade-offs. Any button or dial that you change on your camera affects your image in both positive and negative ways. Good photography is like finding good compromise. As you will see, by trying to improve the exposure of the image, you will inevitable change its composition and vice versa.

This post will concentrate on the exposure side of things, and you can expect the details of composition in a later post.

Shutter Speed

Onto methods of controlling exposure. We’ve already discussed how a camera uses a shutter to let light into the sensor. It’s a no brainer that the longer this shutter is open, the more light gets in and the brighter your picture is. The camera’s shutter controls the number of seconds the shutter will stay open.

If there is too much light, when the sun is out for example, modern SLRs can open their shutter for just 1/4000th of a second to make sure not too much light gets in. In a very dark room, the shutter might be kept open for minutes to capture all the light available.

Since the night sky is so dark, this image was taken with the shutter open for a full minute. By keeping a shutter open this long, the sensor even detects faint traces of gaseous nubulae that are invisible to the naked eye!

If you want an image to be brighter, keep your shutter open longer. How much longer? Remember your stops! If your current shutter speed is 1/80s and you want to double the brightness of your image (1 stop!), just double your shutter speed to 1/40s! Luckily, your camera probably allows shutter speeds in the middle as well so you can make more fine tune brightness adjustments. Cameras by default go through 1/3 stops, but can be set to 1/2 stop increments!

Now your trade-off, and some of you already guessed it, is blurry images. Our world is constantly in motion. From that kid you’re taking a picture of to your hand holding the camera, nothing ever sits still. The longer you have your shutter open, the more likely this movement is to affect the image.

For example, unless you’re a robot, you cant possibly hold a camera still for a minute to take an image like the one above. I used a tripod, but even that didn’t stop a second form of movement. If you look closely at the stars, you can tell that they’re not perfect points, but elongated smudges. It turns out, that since the earth is revolving, it causes stars not to sit still. Keep a shutter open long enough and it could ruin your image.

Aperture

The second way to affect the amount of light coming into your camera is aperture. If you recall, your aperture is the size of the ‘hole’ inside the lens. Logically, the bigger this hole, the more light that gets in. Therefore, an aperture of f/2.8 allows more light in than f/4. Exactly twice as much in fact. What is completely illogical however, is what all those numbers mean: 2.8 isn’t half of 4. Illogical only, of course, if you’re not willing to get into the math. Please read the following, only if you want details. Ignore it otherwise:

An f-number denotes the ratio of the focal length of your lens (the mm number of your lens) to the diameter of the opening for the aperture. So if you have a 50mm lens on, an f-number of f/2.8 means that the diameter of the hole is 50 / 2.8 = 18mm. Now, the amount of light reaching the lens depends on the AREA of the hole and not its diameter. The area of the lens above, if you remember your basic math, at f/1.8 would be pi * (18/2)² = 254mm². To halve the amount of light, we need to halve this area to 127mm². Reverse the previous formula and you get the area needed to be 2*sqrt(127 / pi) = 12.7mm². This corresponds, using the ratio formula, to 50/12.7 ~= f/4.

Thus proving that changing f numbers actually doubles or halves the AREA of the aperture. It also proves that I am a huge nerd. But more on that later.

If you’re an engineer, working through that last paragraph just made you smile. If, on the other hand, looking through that write-up makes you want to slap me, just know that f-numbers affect the width of a cameras hole, while stops are affected by the area. Also, please don’t slap me. I bruise easy…

What this means is that you need to increase the width of the hole with weird increments to get doubling/halving of the light going to sensor. Your camera takes care of the math anyways, listing the common apertures as f/1.0, 1.4, 2, 2.8, 4 and so on. Most cameras will also allow for 1/3 stop increments, with f-numbers in between.

Moving on to trade-offs, the aperture of your camera affects your image, albeit very subtly. The smaller your aperture number, the smaller something called ‘Depth of Field’ (or DOF) is. I will not go into details here, since this is a discussion for the ‘Composition’ section, but it suffices to say that sometimes, small depth of fields can cause parts of your image to blur out and other parts to be in perfect focus. This could be both wanted and unwanted, but as a photographer, you should know how your messing around with the exposure settings is changing your image.

A large aperture can be used for highly creative effects!

ISO

Probably the simplest concept to understand, the camera’s ISO is how sensitive the sensor is. Holding shutter and aperture constant, if you make your camera more sensitive, it will brighten an image. Making it less sensitive makes your image darker. ISO speeds in most cameras are listed as 50, 100, 200, 400, 800, and so on, each number increasing the brightness of the scene by 1 stop.

There is, however, a trade-off, again. Making a the sensor more sensitive to light, also makes it more susceptible to ‘noise’. You can think about it this way: lets say you’re talking to a friend over the internet, and there’s a low humming sound in her room right now. To hear her clearly, you increase the volume of your speakers. Not only is her voice louder now, but so is that annoying humming in her room. Similarly, because of imperfections in optics and electronics, there is a constant ‘hum’ of bad light hitting the camera sensor. By increasing the sensitivity of the sensor, you increase the effect this light has on your final picture (for the engineers: upping the ISO lowers your signal-to-noise ratio, hence the camera can less easily differentiate between the two). Hence noise!

In Conclusion

Admittedly, that preceding discussion was a lot to take in. But what I hope you take away from here is a basic understanding of the tools photographers have at their disposal to affect a scene’s exposure and knowing that there are trade-offs to each decision you make in shooting your scene!

Next up, the considerably less erudite: Composition!

In Pakistan, the Walima is held a day or two after the Shaadi and is considered a function of the groom’s family (unlike the shaadi and the mehendi, which are usually held on the bride’s turf!). With the bride already living with the groom, this event is a simple invitation for her family to dine with the groom’s, with very little rasms (customs) that take place. That doesn’t mean its boring, however! It just means you’re free to make you’re own versions of fun!

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It's an unspoken rule that the Walima day is Suit Day. The groom, his friends and family put on ties and look all important and formal. Neil Patrick Harris would be proud!

Ah, the ever present connection of weddings to being gifted kitchen appliances. We all know that's probably a blender. Or a blender 6-pack. Why must EVERYONE give a blender? Well, at least it beats the more suggestive gifts... like baby strollers.

The closest analogue to a Walima in western culture would be the wedding reception. The bride and groom are married and is is socially acceptable for them to be seen together! Of course you may argue that the dinner and gathering during/after a nikah ceremony in the Shaadi is in itself a reception. Just... dont argue... This could be a reception #2. Happy? Or 3rd, if the family celebrated Nikah and Shaadi separately... hmm ...

The concept of the Walima is to 'show' the couple to the friends and family of the groom, whereas the primary guestlist at Shaadis is set by the bride's family. As such, the most important part of the evening at Walimas is the entrance of the couple. Music plays, lights are dimmed... Climatic!

And of course, the subsequent photo ops : D What follows is a grueling hour or so (for the photographer at least!) where people want to, for some unexplainable reason, be photographed with the couple. The photography sessions are also the place where aunties check you out. Since families will usually take their photos together, an aunty will keep a lookout for your ammi and approach her later Protip: Take photos with multiple families. It will throw off the rishta aunties...!

The rest of the Walima is about having fun! Since it is the groom's function, his friends will usually put on a dance or a skit.

Entertainment is entertainment! The groom's brother puts on a humorous skit with his guitar! While this may be a more western influence, putting on a show in this fashion is decidedly a very desi thing to do : )

And yes, incase you're wondering, that *is* me. Dancing to 'Pehla Nasha'. Youtube it, you'll understand ;P

As I said before, there are no set rules for Walima. Families and guests will do what they find fun. Which, in this case, meant dancing into the night...

There you have it folks, Weddings in Pakistan! If you missed any of the previous posts, here they all are:
Courtship and Marriage in Pakistan
The Dholki and the Mayoon
The Mehendi
The Shaadi
The Walima
Hope you enjoyed them! Do share your experiences and traditions at any weddings that you’ve been to. Would love to hear about them! Who knows, I might get to shoot them someday

Previous posts (for relevance, in case you missed them!)
Courtship and Marriage in Pakistan
The Dholki and the Mayoon
The Mehendi

The wedding, or Shaadi, usually consists of 3 major parts. The Baraat, where the family of the groom arrives at the wedding hall, the Nikah, which is the signing of the marriage contract, and finally the Rukhsati where the bride and groom leave together. In between, you will have dinner, entertainment and various rasms (customs). This function will be hosted by the bride’s family.

I mentioned in my earlier post that wedding celebrations are held such that the bride is considered a member of her childhood home until her Rukhsati, after which she will leave her home and join her groom’s. While this is only a cultural distinction, the wedding day as understandably a very emotional one for the bride and her close relatives. And it is not uncommon for it to end on a sorrowful note.

And something you may have noted in the previous posts, the photos here are from a mixture of weddings.

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It is never difficult to know which houses in a community will soon be celebrating a wedding. Weeks in advance, they will decorate them with lights. Pretty!

Weddings usually take place in large halls, with guests numbering in the hundreds. Food will be served at some point in the wedding (after the Nikah usually).

The bride and her family will usually arrive at the venue well before the groom to make sure they throw a big welcome for the baraat (groom's family) when they get there. Necklaces of flowers are prepared. Interestingly, no one really likes wearing these... and most on the receiving end (including the groom!) will take them off immediately, making these just one of those traditions that *really* needs to be killed off !

Shaadis are now a mix of both the traditional and the new(ish!).

Though she arrives first, the bride will usually wait in a back room of the wedding hall until the groom and the baraat arrives. The yellows and greens of the previous week are shed for the red of the wedding, and the bride is usually adorned in (a lot!) of jewelry! I sense bank balances edging lower : P

Baraat

This first part of a wedding refers to the arrival of the groom’s family to the wedding hall. The family would first gather at a rendezvous point, usually outside the groom’s house and set out at the same time to make sure they arrive together.

In the olden times, the groom would gallantly arrive astride a white horse. In modern times, due to practicality reasons, cars are used. You see, horses don't really make good time on highways... excellent mileage though ;P

On the wedding day, the groom will usually be wearing a white 'sherwani' (Pakistan's cultural equivalent of a suit) which will have to withstand an onslaught of flowers threatening to leave marks!

In addition to the turban, the groom will also (traditionally) wear a sehra. The sehra is a headdress, usually made out of a curtain of flowers. The groom will keep this on until the time of the Nikah. Given the difficulty keeping things classy (no matter how you look at it, a bunch of flowers coming out a dude's head is kinda fruity ;P) the practice is slowly dying out. Instead, other types of sehras (see above) are used. In many cases, they're left out altogether.

As a groom, it's a given fact in Pakistani weddings. You *will* receive a wristwatch. Already own a good one? Doesn't matter. You *will* be gifted a wristwatch. And it will be a great photo-op because they'll make you take your old one-off and put on the new one. Once the groom is seated, it is customary for family members of the bride to give him gifts and money. This is called 'Salami', not to be confused by a fatty meat sausage by the same name.

The Nikah

The marriage is only Islamically (and legally) recognized after the Nikah is completed and the contracts signed. As mentioned in the post about courtship, Nikahs will sometimes take place before the actual wedding day meaning this part will be left out during the Shaadi.

The process of the Nikah involves the bride saying "Qubool hai" (I accept) 3 times in front of witnesses. The groom will then do the same. And they will then officially be man and wife. Note: Despite parallels with western weddings, there will be NO kissing of the bride... ;P Traditionally, the bride and the groom will sit separate before the Nikah and are only presented together after the marriage is official. There however is little reason why they can't be together (as they are in public, after all).

The marriage is official once the bride and groom have signed the contract (along with the Islamic witnesses). Only for the final signing will the groom remove his sehra (if he's wearing one). Hmmm... doesn't this just make bait and switch tactics easier?

The exchanging of rings is not an Islamic practice. However, it is difficult to argue with the fact that in modern times, it is the universal indication of a married couple. As such, after the Nikah, the couple will exchange wedding rings to "seal the deal" culturally!

After the Nikah, goodies, wrapped in cloth packets will be distributed. Among other things like candies, they will contain 'chuaras'. A chuara is a dry fruit, very similar to a date, and is passed on to guests as a sign of happiness.

Rasms… and Dancing!

The main order of business completed, the rest of the evening is devoted to having fun.A number of customs need to be fulfilled, guests need to be fed and a LOT of dancing needs to be done. (Not all families do the dancing bit!)

Probably the most recognized rasm is that of Joota Churai or "shoe stealing". The bride's sister, usually in the guise of a photo-op, will slip off the groom's shoes. The girl's side will then demand a (usually huge, for fun!) sum of money to return it. The groom and his family will then attempt to negotiate down the price before settling on a "fair" trade. In this case, the groom's brother opted for a more conventional way of retrieving the shoe ;P Though few Pakistanis may know this, this rasm comes from an old Hindu belief that the bride's sister's touching the groom's feet will ward off evil spirits.

Another rasm is called 'Dood Pilai' or 'Drinking of the milk'. The bride's sister will bring the couple a (fancy!) cup of milk which they will share. In exchange, she will ask for money. In an effort not to let the groom go completely broke, this rasm will sometimes be combined with the Joota Churai (she steals the shoe while giving him the milk!), and the payment is made together! (Photo credit goes to 'Silsila' on paklinks.com)

Another rasm, is called the 'Darwaza Pakrai' (blocking of the door). This one will normally take place while the groom is entering the wedding hall. The bride's sister (isn't SHE a popular evil woman ;P) will block the path of the groom. Not letting him pass until he pays the toll. Variations of this will be that she will sit beside the groom before the bride can and refuse to get up and let him sit with his betrothed until a payment is made. For the poor groom, the night is hardly over, as his own sisters will perform a similar act before letting him see his bride in their nuptial room later that night.. oh the frustration!! (Photo credits go to: Amna Hakim, from Toronto)

It's not all about cash! For entertainment, both the girls and guys will put on dancing shows. Some very choreographed...

... and others... not so choreographed! There are no real rules to bhangra dancing. And you will find people jumping around wildly (I'm admittedly a spasmer) and climbing onto each other's shoulders.

The bride and groom might have their moments too...

The Rukhsati

And yet all good things must come to an end. To complete the play, the wedding storyline in Pakistani weddings entails the groom’s family will now “take away” the bride from her home. In the olden times, this was a very sad time, given that groom’s used to travel from afar and take brides back to their own villages. Now, the end of the wedding is hardly a physical goodbye, however, the sadness is still there due to the cultural equivalent of losing a member of the family.

The bride and groom will be led out of the hall in a procession. A Quran will be held over the bride's head to bless her as she leaves her home behind.

It is decidedly difficult time for the bride's family.

More often than not however, it's all about the smiles : ) This is the beginning of a new life together. It's back to the groom's family's from here!

Mun Dikhai, Suhaag Raat

The celebrations are not over for the groom’s family, and on returning to the groom’s house there will be a gathering of close family members. “Mun Dikhai” literally means ‘Showing of the face” where the family will congratulate the couple and offer gifts.

After this, the couple will celebrate the Suhaag Raat… which.. umm.. it is left as an exercise to the reader to research ;P

Next: The happy couple returns! (Walima)

Ah, the beautiful night of Mehndi. Colors, clothes, rasms, all blend to make this easily the most cultural night at Pakistani marriages. It is usually held a day or two before the actual wedding and this being the first time the groom and bride’s sides of the family see each other, all about competition!

The term Mehndi itself is the Urdu/Hindi word for Henna, and the event itself is sometimes called Rasm-e-Henna. Traditionally the Mehndi was held separately for the bride and the groom, however in more recent times, the couples’ families will hold a joint function for all the guests of the weddings.

The Mehndi is also usually the first time the extended families of the bride and groom will get to see each other. It’s really quite interesting to see utter strangers on the Mehndi turn into family by the end of the third day and as you may see, the different rasms (customs) help promote this interaction in a traditionally closed society.

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The term Mehndi comes from the intricate henna tattoos Pakistani and Indian women draw on their hands for celebrations. While henna is not restricted to weddings (It's also done for Eids and other happy occasions), those done for the bride in weddings are decidedly special.

The joint event will usually take place in a wedding hall or a specially made tent. The recent trend is for families to announce color and clothes themes for each of the wedding functions. This time around, it was 'kurta shalwaars' with red 'dupattas' draped across the neck. Dupattas are usually a female garment and celebratory events (and technically JUST weddings) are the only times you'll see them worn by men. As you will see later, they help in dancing!

Music is a central aspect of Mehndis and live music will sometimes be provided for guests. The 'tabla' pictured here is a traditional percussion instrument, similar the 'dhol' seen earlier. With several tablas in front of them, each of them producing different notes depending on where they are hit, tablas require considerable skill to play!

The bride's guests will usually arrive at the venue first, and make preparations for the groom. Since the concept at South Asian weddings is "The groom's side comes to take the bride away", before the Walima, all the events are held as if hosted by the bride's.

Yellow is the predominant color at the Mehndi, and yellow flowers and drapes are usually used to adorn the stage on which the bride and groom will be 'displayed'; and where bored photographers will choose to go all Shakespearean and dramatic : P

At the predetermined time (+30min, since when is anything in Pakistan on time ;P) the groom's side will arrive together in a procession, bearing gifts of flowers, sweets, bangles and trays of henna with candles.

The brides' side's reception is equally warm! Close relatives will stand at the gate to welcome the groom's family with flowers and smiles : )

Flower petals are thrown at the groom's guests as they enter, and flower necklaces are given to the close family. Understandably, this is a very traumatic experience as the next 15min are spent picking out petals from hair and clothes ;P Why do we still do this again?

All the gifts, from both the bride's and groom's sides are placed in front of the stage, to display to everyone present. Colorful isn't it? Careful though! Can anyone say fire hazard? *nods*

The groom is usually brought in with his entourage holding a decorative 'dupatta' over him.

The bride's entrance can also be done with a dupatta over her, or as in this case, she can be carried in a special 'flower cage' called a 'doli'.

The bride and groom will be displayed to everybody on the stage as they take their seats, where they will remain for the entirety of the function. Even dinner will be served to them there. The bride normally wears a green dress (with occasional hues of yellow and orange). This is also the first time the bride will wear anything but yellow since the Mayoon. Make-up is kept at a minimum.

Another rasm (custom) at mehndis is the singing competition between the bride and groom's sides. Bringing in their practice from dholkis, women from both sides will sit on front of the couple and compete with songs which are usually themed at light humor towards each others' sides. In more 'competitive' weddings this can get quite heated! Cutting each other off, making noise while the other side sings, it's all fair game! Men will usually not take part except to make noise or distract the other side (might be cheating, but hey, everybody has fun!).

This is also when the main rasms for the Mehndi begin. A leaf is placed on the bride's hand (to protect her henna) and family members front he groom's side will ceremonially place small amounts of henna on her hand one-by-one.

Each one will then give a small amount of mithai to the bride to eat. A bite is usually enough though, consuming large amounts of Pakistani sweets is decidedly difficult!

The final part of the rasm is the giving of money. It's not so much the concept of giving, but rather how its given that's special. The money is revolved around the bride's head a few times before placing it into a basket in front of her, a practice I jokingly refer to as "enticing greed". Greed however is not the objective as the amounts given are usually symbolic ;P

Pakistani sweets, called mithai, come in scores of different shapes and sizes. All filled with sugar and oil, these delightful treats, despite increasing diabetic risk, are the BEST reason to get married!

Henna - Mithai - Money. The entire process is then repeated with the groom. Since this can be time-consuming, usually, no more than half a dozen or so women from either side will perform the rasm.

Another relatively newer concept at Pakistani weddings is the dancing. Synchronized dancing. Popular desi dance tracks are usually played and guys from both the bride and groom's sides will perform numbers that they've practiced at dholkis.

The dance itself is called 'bhangra' and is a highly energetic form of dancing with roots in the Punjab provinces of Pakistan and India. While there are no set 'moves' in bhangra (Pakistanis sometimes jokingly refer to common steps as 'screwing the lightbulb' or 'patting the dog'), it's all about moving in rhythm with the beat!

The Bhangra eventually devolves into a free-for-all and, depending on the conservativeness of the families, women will sometimes join in too (though their form of dancing is much more elegant than the energetic 'male' bhangra).

Theres no rule that the groom can't have fun too. And if he choses to (or if his friends force him to!), he will join in! The bride too, though this is rarer.

And finally, a third form of entertainment is called the sangeet. Family from both sides will come to the mic in front and sing ghazals (slow, soulful Pakistani music) backed by the tabla and accordion. Don't try this if you're not experienced, you need an exceptionally good voice!

Food will also, usually be served at a Mehndi (not pictured! I was hungry, so I ate instead of shot ). The function will end as people start to trickle out. There is no set farewell here as there is with the Rukhsati in the Shaadi (next post!). That said, the hall is usually not the end of the night! Close family will return to the respective homes of the bride or groom to have a final night of fun and debauchery before the BIG day! (ok well maybe not debauchery… but a lot of FUN!).

Next up: The Shaadi!

So here we are. Planning has been done, the dates have been set. The families have now spent a few weeks (or even a few months!) shopping for clothes, gifts, jewelry and booking wedding halls. With just a few weeks to go before the wedding, its time to start having fun! The Dholki and the Mayoon are events meant to get the family into the ‘mood’ of weddings. Singing, dancing, and all round having fun!

A quick note on Islamic Weddings and Pakistani Customs

It should be noted that according to Islam, the only parts of marriage mentioned in Islam are the Nikah and the wedding feast (Walima). The rest of the events that will be described are cultural additions brought over from Pakistan’s roots as a Hindu culture. That is not to say they are wrong Islamically, they just won’t translate into other Muslim cultures!

The additional customs in Pakistani weddings are called Rasms. A rasm can be a complete event, such as the Rasm-e-Henna or the Mehendi celebrations (next post), or it could be a small act, such as the Joota Churai (shoe stealing) during the wedding.

Dholki

You know when you just feel like partying and want to make it sound really cultural? Well that’s what a dholki is. Nothing really happens at dholkis. You just hang out and have fun. Traditionally, weeks before the wedding, the women would gather at the bride’s house to sing (and dance) the night away. Recently however, it is not uncommon for men to take part (who will usually dance rather than sing, but you never know!). The groom sometimes also make an appearance.

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The term 'Dholki' comes from the dhol, a percussion very much like a 2 sided drum, played as demonstrated here!

There will usually be several dholkis, for family, for friends and so on to start to get every body into the mood of weddings. Usually formal events like the Mayoon will be followed by Dholkis for a bit of fun. There’s no real rules or requirements or customs here. Just have fun!

It's all about fun now. Again, as demonstrated by a cute little girl at a dholki!

Mayoon

Sometimes also known as the Ubtan day, the Mayoon (pronounced with a silent ‘n’ but a very nasal ‘oo’ sound) marks the point where the wedding customs begin. Traditionally celebrated 8-15 days before the wedding day, it marks the day when the bride is made free from her duties at home and enters a state of seclusion during which she may no longer see the groom until the Wedding.

The Mayoon is usually celebrated at the bride’s house and is attended by her close friends and family (in Pakistan ‘close family’ can easily mean scores of people). The bride dresses up in a simple yellow Shalwar Kameez, and must remain in yellow clothing until the Mehendi day.

The Mayoon takes place at the brides house where decorations have been made. It is attended by close family of the brides' and a select few members of the groom's side. The women will usually sit together and sing songs to the beats of the dhol.

Among the customs of the Mayoon, the Bride's mother-in-law will bring gifts for the bride. These are usually flowers, to wear as necklaces and bracelets, as well is Ubtan, which is a paste made out of turmeric and other oils and herbs. Close family will sometimes apply ubtan to the bride's face and hands. She is expected to apply Ubtan daily until the wedding. Ubtan is thought to lighten the bride's complexion (because for some reason, desis are obsessed with looking gora, or 'white').

And while men generally will not sing, we generally liven the party up with a bit of dancing! Pakistani dancing is called 'bhangra', has no real rules or set moves. The idea is to move the shoulders the beat and just have a lot of fun!

Weird Mayoon Traditions

Once the formalities are over (i.e. the groom’s family leaves), all hell breaks loose. Since the Mayoon is usually the first time the entire family has been gathered in one place (since the last wedding), some crazy fun customs have been born. Apart from the usual dancing and other craziness, some families take things to a whole different level!

Ubtan Fight:

Remember when you were 7 and found the sound mud makes when it hits the pavement enormously satisfying? That’s what this is all about. You grab yourself a handful of ubtan and run after other people in your house hoping for a satisfying splat when it hits their faces. At some point people start flinging the stuff around which is bad for cameras ;P Noone is safe so wear expendable clothes. And be ready to wash the walls tomorrow. My dad’s family follows this one.

Ubtan. Just add water. Fling at nearest person.

You Gotta Eat:

This tradition-common on my mother’s side of the family has all the women packed into the kitchen cooking ‘Gulgulay’, a deep-fried sweet. This goes on all night so bring an appetite! Also if you don’t eat, prepare to have uncles and cousins force-feed you. I do think however that this and the Ubtan fight can’t be done at the same time ;P

You sleep, you lose:

Think you’ll save yourself from a lot of trouble  if you fall asleep? Think again! Anybody passing out before sunrise will be publicly humiliated. Soot from the stove is taken and rubbed all over the transgressor’s face. Yes, this is Paskistan’s answer to hangover sharpie photos. We just do it without the booze ;P

Weddings are a big thing for Pakistanis. So big, in fact, that marriage celebrations in most families can last up to two weeks, with formal ceremonies taking up at least 4 full days. A fusion of Hindu culture (which forms the roots for the majority of Pakistanis) and Islamic ideals, Pakistani weddings are a mix of colors, religion and culture.

Note: I will also point out that Muslim families in India and Bangladesh also follow similar traditions, though individual customs may vary.

Marriage is also culturally considered the union of two families, not just the pairing of two people. Combine the vested interests of extended family with the restrictions from culture and religion, and navigating the path to a wedding can get quite challenging for all involved!

It should be noted that the majority of what I write here is from personal experiences (of OTHER people’s weddings, thank you) and it should be expected that cultural diversity, even within Pakistan, allows for vastly different marriage customs. Also, apologies if you’re expecting photos. This is a preamble to the actual ceremonies so the big photos come next post!

Courtship

There’s no easy way of describing courtship among Pakistanis. This is probably because families vary so much, both in terms of religion and culture.  Between conservative viewpoints, where the couple are only allowed ‘one look’ before marriage, and the liberal, where dating is seen as a norm, it is usually very difficult in finding the correct balance between religion and modernity. This epic battle, being fought in almost every Muslim culture, is sometimes (and misleadingly in my opinion) referred to in Pakistan as the difference between ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ marriages.

Anil Kapoor made falling in love so special...

The perception is that love marriage is one where the couple meet, date and ‘fall in love’ before informing parents and elders. While arranged marriages are seen as those where the elders meet, decide the terms of marriage and allow minimal contact between the couple before the big day. In reality however, there is a whole spectrum of ‘loviness’ and ‘arrangeness’ in Pakistani courtship and it usually depends on the families’ comfort levels on what path they follow.

Introductions

The beginning of any relationship is, of course, getting acquainted. Because doing so in conservative cultures is rather difficult, traditionally this role was handled by elders. This tradition exists to this day, where family friends and relatives will recommend spouses for girls/guys of age. This has led to jokes in Pakistani culture about ‘desi Aunties’, some of which you may have caught on my blog posts over the months (and it is expected that Chiara will comment here with one ;P).

How desi aunties look at single guys and girls. It's true!!

With the liberalization of Pakistani society however, it has become increasingly easier for young men and women to meet. And thanks to modern technical innovations, it’s easier than ever for them to communicate without breaking social rules (or at least sneak around without getting caught ;P). Due to serious lack of expertise on the matter, I will leave it to the reader to draw parallels with the western concept of dating, though it should be expected that physical contact will be understandably limited depending on conservatism.

Will you frandship me? The beginnings of an epic desi romance.

Whether it be through a family friend or through a chance meeting and a subsequent fiery romance, the couples’ families will eventually meet. Either for tea at one of their places or as a family picnic so everyone might get to know each other. And it is at this point things start getting more and more official.

‘Dating’

A better term here should probably be ’supervised dating’. This is where the guy and girl will get to know each other and their potential in-laws, under the supervision of their families. They will usually communicate over phone or online and generate obscene phone bills ;P Family visits and outings will constitute the physical meetings (and I’m sure, sneaking around as well!). This phase usually lasts from a few weeks to a couple of months.

Families will sometimes ask for commitments before letting their children date as a form of cultural protection. This could mean a formal proposal from the prospective groom’s family (see Rishta below), or even an all out engagement. Hyper-conservatives may ask for a Nikah, which is an official Islamic marriage (court marriage). This, however, is rare. Due to it now being common for male/female interactions in workplaces, education and online, few families actually have qualms with their children talking and choosing potentials before commitments.

The Rishta

Irony of desi proposals: Waqar proposes to Shabo after parents have already agreed on the marriage date.

The Urdu word ‘rishta’ literally means ‘relationship’. However, in the context of marriage, it refers to the formal request for the girl’s hand from the would-be groom’s family. As mentioned before, depending on how conservative the families are, the Rishta could come just days after the initial meeting to mark the starting point of dating.  The response of to the rishta in this came would come after the dating phase. If the couple and families already know each other, the response will be immediate.

The rishta ceremony itself is a small event attended by close family. Since the rishta has already been accepted by this point, it is only a formality. The groom’s family will bring ‘mithai’ (Pakistani sweets) as well as gifts (usually jewelry) for the girls’. Once the rishta has been accepted, courtship is officially over and wedding preparations begin!

Marriage

As the previous section indicated, the line is blurred between courtship and marriage in Pakistani weddings. While the engagement can be seen as part of courtship in some families, increasingly, it is considered a point by which a decision to marry has already been made.

Engagement

Reserved!

Definitely a western concept, but increasingly being ported into Pakistani culture, an engagement is a formal announcement of the intention to marry. Rings are exchanged, and depending on the families’ preferences, the ceremony itself could be a small gathering or a lavish party. Like the actual wedding ceremony, it will be hosted by the girl’s family with the guy’s family bringing gifts and jewelry for her.

The motivation for engagements is usually to ‘reserve’ a spouse until an opportune time can be found for the wedding. Because of educational and financial concerns, as well as the need to have extended family members present at the actual wedding, engagements are seen as a way to solve timing issues while at the same time assuring the other side of a commitment.

With the availability of the Nikah as a stronger form of commitment, stand-alone engagements are only done if it is expected that the wedding will take place a relatively long time later or if the engagement is asked for by the family to begin the period of dating.

Nikah

The Nikah is the actual Islamic point where the couple transfrom into husband and wife. It is the signing of the matrimonial contract between the couple in front of witnesses. The Nikah will usually accompanied with (or replace) an engagement or as part of the wedding ceremony itself.

A Nikah ceremony done as part of a wedding. And yes, that IS Ali Zafar. Google him. He's famous.

If done stand-alone or with the engagement, the girl will return to live with her family until the actual day of the wedding. Islamically, the couple may now be in seclusion with each other and have all the rights a married couple have. To avail these right would however be a cultural faux pas. (stupid culture!!).

Road to the Wedding

Well that was a long trip 0_0 And we’ve only just started! Once the above formalities are completed the families will set an official date for the wedding, around which the days of celebration will be held. The dates are carefully chosen to ensure relatives living far away are able to attend. Invitations will be sent out and preparations started!

The preparations are many and this is usually the start of a very stressful time for both families. On top of the need to book wedding halls, gifts need to be bought and dresses need to be prepared for each day of the celebrations. Traditionally, the girl’s side will gift the groom his clothes and vice versa. I assume this would require a ‘get their measurements’ party ;P

The wedding itself consists of several events: Dholki, Mayoon (Ubtan), Mehendi,  Shaadi and Walima. These, I’ll cover over the next few posts!

Putting them up here I post them:
The Dholki and the Mayoon
The Mehendi
The Shaadi
The Walima

(Disclaimer: I do not hold the copyrights to all but the vulture shot in this post. They have been gathered from various sources online.)