Nigel Wiskar - People.co.uk

Dinner and a long chat with Jamie Peacock and Adrian Morley

2012-08-17T12:49:13Z

'DINNER with Peacock and Morley' said the email invite.

What a daunting prospect.

I consider bringing along a moose or an elk to satisfy their huge hunger needs.

As the meal is taking place in the Trafford Centre, the prospect of a wild beast thundering through John Lewis is almost as attractive as a chat with two senior statesmen of the international game.

It looks like there'll be enough food to go around though as we gather at Carluccio's to discuss The Challenge Cup final, Wembley statue candidates, why Morley calls his old mate Del Boy and what they'd both do to promote the game better.

Oh and what Morley and Shaun Ryder have in common.

As I arrive Jamie Peacock is tucking into a platter for two - as his starter.

The pair will later pile into a steak each though it's interesting these two beefy specimens both tread carefully around the potatoes and bread on offer.

No carbs til Marbs? Probably no carbs til Wembley next weekend.

They're both amiable and open and as relaxed in each other's company as you'd expect from two blokes who for the past 13 years have been teaming up to take on the Aussies and Kiwis and tearing into each other in Super League.

First up is the subject of the statue with a fistful of candidates in the running and a winner to be announced on Thursday.

Alex Murphy, Gus Risman, Billy Boston, Eric Ashton, Martin Offiah and possibly a combined effort featuring all five are in the mix.

Peacock says: "I don't think it should be one person, I'd go for all five.

"That would show we've got such great heritage, history and tradition."

Morley adds: "I take on board what JP says but if I had to chose one I'd go for Murph.

"He went there with three different clubs. I never saw him play but my old fella told me a lot about him.

"He said he was the best scrum half Britain has ever produced.

"Martin Offiah's worth mentioning. It broke my heart at the time but with hindsight in 1994 he scored the most amazing ever try at Wembley."

Talk turns to Ellery Hanley, strangely omitted from an original list of 15.

Morley says: "My hero. Best British player ever. Ellery's the man."

Peacock takes it further, adding: "I'd like to see a national rugby league stadium one day, somewhere along the M62 and a statue of Ellery should go there.

"Football's got Wembley, cricket's got Lord's, union's got Twickenham but we've not got our own stadium.

"It could be 30,000. Play the play-offs, semi-finals there. Build a hotel, let England train there. It would be a truly unique environment.

"Keep Wembley for the Cup and Old Trafford for the Grand Final but give us our own stadium."

The Olympics brings a smile to both though one later admits to hiding the odd tear from his missus on his sofa.

And it prompts Peacock to make a plea for a return for rugby league's very own Team GB.

"We need to have Great Britain back in some guise," he says. "It's a really iconic brand.

"Now we've had the success of the Olympics maybe it's time to get back involved in it.

"I know the players want to play for Great Britain. They want it putting above England.

"In 2007 when we last played as Great Britain we talked about what great players had worn the shirt. England just doesn't have that. Imagine the excitement of a GB tour."

Morley agrees."Don't get me wrong, you give your all for England but growing up it was always Great Britain," he adds.

Two possible stars of the national team are next on the agenda.

With Danny McGuire injured and missing out on Saturday's Challenge Cup final it gives another opportunity for Rhinos' Stevie Ward.

"He's ready," says Peacock. "Me and Jamie Jones Buchanan coached him in the 15s and he was exceptional then.

"We've got some good players coming through but I think he's going to be the best of them all.

"He settled in so well, so early. You can just tell he's got it and I wouldn't be surprised to see him in the England set-up before the end of the year."

Over at the Halliwell former Leigh front-rower Chris Hill is another player for the future.

Morley's a fan."He has been outstanding, on fire and the form prop at the club. He's keeping myself and Gareth Carvell on our toes," he said.

"He's got great footwork for a big guy and he's also a really nice lad, humble and grounded with a really nice family.

"You often find that with lads that come up from the Championship."

Morley, 35, knows what it's like to put in the hard yards early in his career.

He says: "I worked as an electrician. I think they should send young lads out on work experience so they know what the real world's all about. Some get to 20, 21 and don't know how it works.

"I did two years of an apprenticeship. I couldn't wait to make first team but I was quite proud I worked.

"I didn't drive and used to have to have to get up half six, walk about two miles to Eccles, get picked up and go to Liverpool.

"Two nights a week I had to get a train from Liverpool to Leeds to train. I did it tough for a few years.

"What about you JP?"

"I worked for DHL," says Peacock, "import and export."

"Bit like Del Boy?" jokes Morley.

"Yeah a bit."

Peacock, 34, describes some of the demons which haunted him in the early stages of his career.

He said: "I was playing open age and got a chance of a trial at Bradford.

"I didn't drive and had to catch the bus, the 508 from Bramley.

"I got on the bus to Odsal but didn't get off. I went straight past the ground to Halifax. I didn't have the self belief.

"I got off in Halifax and had to find a payphone box to ring my dad who said he'd ring Nobby and try to get me a trial the following week.

"I got back on the bus. On the way home I realised it's no good my dad believing in me or Nobby believing me, it's about me.

"I told myself I had to get off the bus. So the following week I got off the bus, had a trial and soon after signed for Bradford.

"I was the same when I was about to play the Aussies for the first time in 2001 when I was picked for GB.

"David Waite told me on the Monday I was going to start and that same doubt came into my head again because it wasn't that long ago I'd had that trial and made my debut for Bradford.

"I had to get off the bus and keep telling myself to get off the bus.

"I scored a try that day and we went on to beat the Aussies so I now tell that to people and particularly kids as a motivation. You have to get off that bus!"

I ask what the one thing they would both want to see to improve the sport's profile.

"Cracking London," says Morley. "There are a lot of people playing the game down there but you need a bigger and better team there. Get that and we get more national exposure.

"We're all proud of being from up north and working class but it's a national sport now and we need a big team in London."

Peacock adds: "Winning the World Cup would give us the biggest profile.

"And I agree with Moz about London but I'd like to see a team out in Medway, they're doing it right there."

This seems a perfect opportunity to produce two extra large t-shirts from my bag.

Earlier in the day the chairman of Southern Conference outfit Sussex Merlins had pulled up outside my house and after much rooting around in a cardboard box in the boot of his car, produced two club shirts for the pair - one pink, one blue.

They're willing to try them on (Peacock opts for pink as it's a Rhinos colour) and pose up for photos which will soon proudly sit on the Merlins website.

But not before Peacock suggests signing them and auctioning them for charity.

Morley saunters off to his car and comes back with a marker pen and away we go.

He'd joked earlier about his photo adorning the wall of the White Horse pub in Swinton alongside two other Salford heroes, Ryan Giggs and Shaun Ryder.

And he talked of the rumour he was heading back to Sydney Roosters before he signed a recent contract extension.

"I'd been out there pre-season with Warrington and was really enjoying the place. I was in my element," he says.

"Roosters approached me asking if I wanted to take the family back there and they'd find me something to do, coaching perhaps.

"I was very excited, it was an exciting proposition. But realistically we're very settled here and after a month or so reality kicked in."

I leave the pair as they share a warm farewell embrace outside the Trafford Centre.

A mate had suggested today would be a good day to be mugged by a Manc hoody only for those two to step in and sort things out.

And as their huge frames head off into the car park I can't help thinking it would almost be worth a bit of kicking just to see it. Maybe next time.

Get your ticket for the Challenge Cup Final at Wembley Stadium on Saturday August 25 from £21. To purchase tickets please call the RFL Ticket Office on 0844 856 1113 or visit www.carnegiechallengecup.co.uk/

Kevin Brown shock move from Huddersfield Giants to Widnes

2012-05-26T22:29:22Z

KEVIN Brown is quitting Huddersfield Giants to move to Widnes Vikings to be nearer to his family.

David Taylor is quitting South Sydney Rabbitohs to move to Gold Coast Titans to be nearer his family.

And there the similarity ends.

Giants captain Brown announced his decision on the day his new side were being torn apart by Warrington at Magic weekend.

Widnes (Cheshire) coach Denis Betts said: "Kevin is a Lancashire lad with a young family and he believes the time is now right to move back over to this side of the Pennines."

And Huddersfield managing director Richard Thewlis said: "The opportunity that has presented itself is a wonderful one for him and his family and will enable them to return nearer to their families."

So Brown is breaking his current contract with the club near the top of the league to move to a club rooted at the foot of the league because he needs to be nearer his family.

Hang on. Last time I looked Huddersfield was only 50 miles away from Widnes.

I don't know where Brown lives but would bet my bag of Uncle Joe's mint balls it won't be far away from the green, green astroturf of Chemics land, given he's from St Helens and started his professional career at Wigan.

I've suffered enough journeys over the M62 to know what a pain in the carburettors it can be but a 50 mile trip to work..come on!

Now back to David Taylor, that monstrous Kangaroo unit nicknamed the Coal Train.

His family live 540 miles away up in Queensland so for him a move makes sense.

It's hardly a commute - unless you decide to fly of course.

So Brown has got it easy really.

Unlike the beleaguered Betts who looked like he was about to weep as Wolves piled up the points at Man City's ground.

He then put this out on the capture of Brown: "We're trying to create an environment where leadership is taken on by the quality of people within the structure of the team and I've no doubt having him on board can only enhance our ambitions moving forward."

Sounds like Brown is going to a job as the new CEO of a building society. Good luck Kevin.

Sunday Times and Times coverage of Monday night rugby league

2012-05-23T17:05:56Z

STRANGE goings-on at the Sunday Times and Times this week.

Both newspapers carried huge adverts for the first Monday night rugby league match between Leeds and Saints.

Yet both carried minimal coverage of the actual game itself.

Minimal would be generous in the case of the Sunday Times with the paper not managing one word of preview in the edition I saw.

That after a whopping half page advert on page four of their sports pullout which managed to excite me more than anything else in the paper.

Though when you've got pictures of John Terry gatecrashing a Chelsea triumph that's not too difficult.

The Times on Monday carried 16 adverts in their 20-page The Game football supplement.

There were straps across the majority of the pages proclaiming 'Super League Mondays Have Landed' and 'A New Night of Earth-shattering Rugby League'.

Just the thing to get the sports desk revved up and ready to give the game some decent coverage.

Which is why it's rather puzzling they only decided to give it two paragraphs, buried beneath a much longer piece on the British Sports Book Awards.

The adverts aren't paid for of course as Sky and the paper are both part of Rupert Murdoch's empire.

But where's the joined up thinking when the ads are bigger than the preview and report?

This is a job for Stuart Glendinning, campaigner and general annoyer of the Daily Telegraph.

Over to you, Stuart, the Times is next..

Weddings and Wigan v Saints Challenge Cup tie at DW Stadium

2012-05-09T16:50:33Z

DO you, Kylie Madonna Arkwright take this man to be..BOOOOOO, GERRUM ONSIDE, YOU DIRTY ******!

Picture the scene..it's your wedding and the biggest day of your life. A special moment for friends and family.

Meanwhile, within earshot Gareth Hock is attempting to decapitate Jon Wilkin in front of 15,000 baying rugby league fans.

It's a comedy scenario (though probably not for Wilkin) and one that could be potentially played out on Saturday when Wigan entertain St Helens in the quarter final of the Challenge Cup.

The North Stand of the DW Stadium is unavailable because there are two weddings taking place that day at that end of the ground.

So one of the showpiece games of the year on terrestrial television will be shown with an empty away end.

Saints fans will be shoved into seats towards that end in the east and west stands with Warriors season ticket holders shunted from their regular spot. Both sets of supporters suffer.

The Wigan club website says 'this is in consideration of the impact of noise on the wedding which is taking place in the Marquee Lounge that is located beneath the North Stand'.

That the game is being played there at all is due to the benevolence of the club's landlord, Dave Whelan (above), who stroked his chin for the best part of three days before finally deigning Wigan could play at home.

I'd like to think he came to the decision after Jeff Lima sat on his head til he said yes but that's probably a wish too far.

What is baffling about this whole farce is why plans weren't put into place earlier for Wigan getting a home tie that weekend.

The dates for all rounds of the Challenge Cup have been available for over five months.

At the point they were published someone at Warriors should have looked at the diary and seen when Wigan Athletic were playing.

It's not beyond the realms of possibility that the Cup holders would make it to the last eight of the competition and with them some of the other big guns like Saints, Leeds and Warrington.

If they did there is a 50/50 chance they would be drawn at home and a reasonable chance they'd draw one of those teams which would easily make it the tie of the round and therefore the BBC would want it on the Saturday.

While there is an agreement not to play RL 24 hours before football, Whelan's people should have been approached months ago with several 'what if' scenarios.

And no wedding bookings should have been taken for any weekend where there is a possibility Wigan rugby would be playing at home.

Firstly for the benefit of the fans and secondly for the benefit of those poor souls who will have to share their big day with thousands of others. Parking may be limited.

For Wigan chairman Ian Lenegan to suggest the RFL is in any way at fault for this shambles is plain strange.

When the Beeb rightly said Wigan must play their game on the Saturday, Lenegan said: "We feel Wigan and the integrity of the Cup have been penalised unfairly."

I honestly do not understand that statement.

If anyone has compromised the Cup's integrity it is Whelan for dithering and Wigan for not planning ahead properly.

We've been down this road before when the Warriors were forced to play a Super League play-off tie against Bradford at Widnes because Whelan didn't want the pitch damaged.

This is what you get when you share with a football club.

Rugby league will always be the poorer relation. In sickness and in health.

Scott Moore leaves Widnes Vikings after 'failed drug test'

2012-04-13T17:50:28Z

I'VE two abiding memories of Scott Moore.

The first is of a slightly chunky, highly precocious 16-year-old schoolboy making his debut for St Helens against Wigan in 2004.

The second is of him two years later, tagging along as part of Sean Long's entourage as they entered a Perpignan bar as the Saints players celebrated victory over Catalans Dragons.

If the diamond earstud wasn't in place then, it was soon to follow.

Moore has been shown the door by Widnes with reports saying he's failed a club drugs test.

It's the latest sorry chapter in a career which promised so much when he became the youngest ever player in Super League.

He was covering for the injured Long that day at the JJB and had a swagger and confidence which suggested a long and swashbuckling career lay ahead of him.

He carried that swagger again that night in the south of France in 2006 and at the time it stood out.

As anyone who has read Long's remarkable book would know you need to be a combination of Oliver Reed and Mike Tyson to keep the pace on an evening on the lash with him.

Moore's career has flickered since those days.

A switch from half-back to hooker coincided with the unshiftable presence of Keiron Cunningham and James Roby lying ahead of him at Knowsley Road. That saw Saints send him out on loan to Castleford and Huddersfield.

He flourished at both, enough to earn himself a call-up for England and started to look one of the few dummy halves in Super League capable of consistently passing quickly and accurately.

Then things started to go wobbly.

He went clubbing with Giants teammate Keith Mason and Mickey Rourke, a night out which would only be more insane if it was James Mason. That led to suspension.

Back at Saints looking heavier and having become a more aggressive player, he was nicked last June after leaving the scene of a a car crash dressed only in his underpants.

The case was dropped but more bother was on his way after he was offloaded to Widnes.

A February night out with Simon Finnigan and Hep Cahill - a former champion kick-boxer - ended with Moore nursing a broken jaw.

He later posted on Twitter a pic of his x-ray and of someone's bare bottom.

It's interesting to note when Ian Millward first played Moore as a schoolboy he was contacted by the RFL who asked the Saints coach not to overuse him.

Millward replied: "I wouldn't use him if I didn't think it was right. We'll handle him the right way."

It's one thing to ask a club to look after a teenager but Moore is 24 now and has had heaps of time to take responsibility of his own life.

Still it looks like he's got himself a new role lined up.

One of his latest tweets says "Think I might change my career, become a lollipop man".

Open season in the closest Super League season to date

2012-04-07T21:32:28Z

THE next statement is a very dangerous one and one that may sound like it's borrowed from the exagerration and hype department of Sky Sports.

This Super League is the most competitive yet.

There, I've said it. Not the best yet (only Sky can say that - again and again) but certainly the most wide open.

The perennial teams at the top have got worse and the teams below them have got better.

As the table sits now, any one of the top eight can win it. Apart from Bradford.

Leaders Huddersfield have yet to stutter though the real test will come when Danny Brough gets a knock.

Hull couldn't score against them and face Leeds and Wigan next so we get to see what they're really made of.

Leeds are as inconsistent as they were last season and they managed to win it then so who knows what's to come.

Wigan still look a work in progress while Warrington look vulnerable.

Saints showed with those wins over Rhinos and Wolves they are capable of turning it on but look incapable of that throughout a full campaign.

Brightest of the lot are Catalan Dragons.

They were clinical against London Broncos last Thursday (almost as impressive as the pre-match curry served up in the main stand) and even more ruthless against The Wolves on Monday.

They play like they are really enjoying themselves and in Scott Dureau have a standout performer in a huge side with heaps of flair.

The French outfit play like the outsiders in the NRL, New Zealand Warriors, throwing it around and looking capable of scoring from anywhere on any play.

So they're one of seven teams which are hard to separate.

Never mind the quality then but feel the width.

Kallum Watkins and Zak Hardaker centres of attention for Leeds

2012-03-22T14:42:48Z

I'VE spent the last couple of days in that vague fug which descends whenever you return from the other side of the planet.

Falling asleep at the wrong times and being awake at the wrong times. It's all a bit weird.

Those awake moments have given me the chance to catch up on all the Sky Plus league that has jammed up my telly's hard drive.

It looks like Leeds have decided not to wait until the last couple of games of the season before they turn it on.

And they've suddenly got two rather exciting strike centres in Kallum Watkins (who looks immense) and Zak Hardaker.

Wigan coach Shaun Wane will have learned the hard way not to rest any of his players again.

Michael Maguire wouldn't have done it and getting pipped by Widnes is the freakiest and funniest result of the year.

It might be the last game Widnes win all season.

Salford have scored some brilliant tries.

They need to be entertaining in their first season in that new ground, particularly now those tenants in waiting Sale have signed Danny Cipriani.

It doesn't really matter how Cipriani is performing on the pitch because he will attract headlines (and give saddos like me an excuse to use photographs of his ex girlfriend Kelly Brook).

Maybe I'm just paranoid but that all adds up to the growing push to give union more of a foothold in our territory.

The Fui Fighters, Dragon's Den, Barry Ward and Heathrow harridan

2012-03-19T11:33:40Z

FRIDAY

FUIFUI Moimoi eats ten Weetabix for breakfast.

His favourite colour is green and he loves slutty reality TV show Geordie Shore.

He has tattoos of his second name Moana on his left bicep and the names of his parents and two kids on his hulking right arm.

We know all this and more because we've just spent two hours enjoying lunch with him and his mate Rocco in a Parramatta restaurant a ten minute stroll from where he earns his crust with the Eels.

Fuifui picked up a knock against the Warriors on Monday night then spent time after the match catching up with many of his Kiwi teammates.

The injury means he's got a bit of time today to meet up with Ted Fuifui after the pair first locked horns at Wasps training ground during the Four Nations last year.

Ted's shy at first but Mr Moimoi (in green flip-flops) is an absolute gentleman and the pair are soon playing with one thrusting up the other to swing from the rafters of the canopy over our table. It's easy to guess who does the lifting.

He's brought along a baseball cap and Eels shirt for Ted with Fui Fui Jnr on the back and some socks and a top for his mum with Rebecca on the back.

I'm not sure who is more chuffed but Rebecca loves him even more now.

He's a cult hero around here and he shows Ted and Rebecca a YouTube video 'Fui stole my thongs'. We explain thongs mean knickers not flip-flops in England.

His mate Rocco and his wife bonded with the big fella when he first came to the Eels and Fui - one of 12 brothers and sisters - says they are like family to him.

We ponder what a dozen young Moimois would look like as he wolfs down the biggest steak I've ever seen. With extra chips.

He is polite, charming, laid back and perfect company. "Loves kids," says Rocco. And our kid loves him.

We finally watch big Fui stride off as Ted waves his Eels flag after him.

That's it. We've been a bit Geordie Shore-ish on our travels in Oz, being seduced by one team after another.

But we're now Parra fans for life, through thick or thin (and it's very thin already this season). That's all because of him and we say we'll meet again next year when he makes the New Zealand squad for the World Cup.

Rebecca's invited him round for tea you see. Ted can't wait.

That night, still smiling after one of the great days, I head out to Kogarah to watch Dragons against Tigers.

It's 30 minutes out of central Sydney by train then a 20-minute walk down a street of fast food shops then through another slice of suburbia.

I spy a bloke mowing his lawn as the floodlights loom into view and the smell of fresh grass fills the air.

There's a lovely little buzz among the families walking to the game on another balmy evening. It's autumn here but this feels like how summer rugby should be.

I was warned it's a boring ground but disagree. It's an oval with yet another hill, where I stop and sit for ten minutes to soak it up, facing the main grandstand.

Back in that main stand I gamble my life on two fleshy, scalding hot sausage rolls and watch former Hull FC star Craig Fitzgibbon take his seat in front of me.

He's on the coaching staff at his old club Roosters and looks like some kind of B-movie villain with the floodlights bouncing off his gleaming, square bounce.

Dragons are far too strong up the middle against the young Tigers pack and it's a one-sided affair.

Even Benji Marshall makes mistakes though both are after he's hit late in the first half. The talk afterwards is of the amount of borderline challenges in the early stages of the competition.

Test winger Brett Morris plays at full-back for St George and is magnificent, every run full of menace.

I add him to the list of outstanding number ones I've seen over here - Darius Boyd, Matt Bowen, Josh Dugan, Anthony Minichiello.

They're nowhere near the Kangaroos team of course because of Billy Slater who scores yet another two tries this round - one quite astonishing - and is now being mentioned as joining the 'Immortals' list of this country's greatest ever players.

I grab a taxi back later from Bondi Junction and spend the journey discussing Luke Burgess's progress with a rabid Rabbitohs fan. This will not happen next time I'm in England.

SATURDAY

IT'S raining when we get up and this cans a proposed trip out to Cronulla for a morning on the beach, followed by a New South Wales Cup game between the Sharks and Newtown Jets.

That's a long haul with dodgy weather so Ted and I choose another game nearer to home while mum goes shopping.

We have a shortlist of four and I'd be happy with any of them but give Ted the choice.

There's Manly against Windsor Wolves at Brookvale, Balmain Ryde Eastwood Tigers v Illawarra at Leichhardt, Wester Suburbs Magpies v Auckland Vulcans (great name) at Campbelltown and Canterbury Bulldogs v North Sydney Bears at Belmore.

Ted thinks James Graham will be playing for Bulldogs and even when I explain he won't because this is sort of a reserve team competition he still plumps for that game.

I punch the air for this means our final match will be spent in the company of an all-time legend in our household.

The coach of the Doggies is a man whose face adorns a bauble on our Xmas tree and was once part of a formidable pair of monkey slippers with Darren Britt. But more on him later.

First we jump on a ferry to Watsons Bay for fish and chips by the pier then back to Circular Quay to catch a train out west.

This patch is an inner city working class contrast to the yachts, seaplanes and smell of money from where we'd scoffed our chips.

It's the scene of a new turf war with the AFL launching a team in the western suburbs to go alongside the Sydney Swans.

Former Test back Israel Folau switched codes to be the face of the new team despite never playing it to any decent level.

His face is on posters across town and Bulldogs and Panthers may have a fight on their hands trying to hold on to floating fans in the years to come. Then again they could just see sense.

There's no glamour at Belmore. You arrive by walking through the Terry Lamb Reserve, a small park by the railway tracks named after the Canterbury legend.

There's a sign saying 'no alcohol or skateboarding'. I look for one saying 'no nobbling the Black Pearl in grand finals'.

The ground itself no longer plays host to first grade games and there are probably just a hundred hardy souls watching today.

There's a huge main stand and a particularly steep hill opposite with scoreboard.

I clock the bloke we're after as soon as we arrive, sitting in a glass box at the back of the stand.

It's Barry Ward, former Bulldogs front-rower who spent a couple of seasons over at St Helens.

Rebecca loved him and his barrelling runs. And tales of his leaving do barbecue which went on for two days.

He was a physical throwback to the old days where props were round not six foot four 80-minute athletes and these days he looks even rounder.

George Rose at Manly still sports the look and former Oldham and Great Britain favourite Hugh Waddell modelled the shape too.

We roam the stand looking for the perfect spot and Ted finally settles on a spot in the front row right by the tunnel and benches.

It's not the best view in fact it's probably the worst but you do get to hear every slap and thud. Particuarly when the humongous Polynesian sub in Dogs' blue and white enters the fray.

Even better though, the two coaches leave their seats to come down to the tunnel at half-time.

Barry's a busy man but still stops for a quick photo. I mention the monkey slippers and he looks quite baffled then disappears with his team who are winning comfortably.

Ted and I spend the second half on the hill kicking a ball around. There are just two other fans on our side of the ground, another dad with his young son and we smile at each other.

Ted gets caught short and relieves himself on the grass, adding Belmore to Redfern Oval on his list. He must come from Wee Waa.

That night we have dinner with friends and one tells me of a documentary he's now watched twice about the division between the rougher west of Sydney and posher northern beaches...Fibros v Silvertails.

It sounds brilliant and I add it to the list of must-see things I've got alongside the Super league games stacked up on the SkyPlus to watch when I get back home.

SUNDAY

WE'RE flying home and the great adventure is over.

But not before we meet former Aussie Test cricketer Mike Whitney, a neighbour of our friends in Maroubra.

He immediately sparks up about his time in the northern leagues playing for Fleetwood and Littleborough and does a passable Lancashire accent.

Mike tells a story of one fan barracking him as Whitney Houston then Roger Harper sledging him as Whitney Useless.

He's a TV personality over here these days and is great, roguish fun - and he's also a huge Rabbitohs fan.

I am getting a few stern looks and our flight is getting nearer and nearer so we have to bid farewell but I could have nattered away all afternoon in the sunlit back garden.

We board our Qantas plane home and the in-flight entertainment has a sports channel.

There are a couple of football things, a golf documentary and two on rugby union. Nothing on league.

I growl a bit then realise I had better get used to this type of treatment again when we get home. Back to reality.

MONDAY

LAND at Heathrow to be greeted by texts saying Royce Simmons has been sacked at Saints.

It gets worse. A dreadful woman tells Ted and I to stop passing our mini rugby ball to each other while we are waiting for our coach home.

It is 5.45 in the morning and there are five other people in the huge National Express waiting area.

The small foam ball would not hurt the world's wimpiest fly.

The woman walks off scowling 'whatever' to me after I say we are doing no harm and there is nobody there.

Welcome to London, home of the 2012 Olympics and hatchet-faced jobsworths.

You can see your breath on our coach it is that cold and it leaves late despite being the first service out to Brighton.

After three weeks of scuttling round on heaps of brilliantly punctual trains, ferries, trams and buses (where drivers say 'excuse me ma'am' - to Rebecca thankfully) this is a jolt.

Three weeks ago we entered Sydney greeted by a huge NRL poster saying 'Welcome To Our House'.

We enter England to a huge Turkish Airlines billboard with Manchester United plastered all over it.

I honestly feel like stopping the overpriced ice bucket coach, marching the family back through to departures and getting us on the next flight back Down Under.

After all Eels are at home to Panthers on Friday night and big Fui needs all the support he can get.

Bulldog James, Wonglepong Bongos and crocked Luke Burgess

2012-03-15T11:20:07Z

WEDNESDAY

SPEND the day trying to arrange to meet James Graham for an interview. Fail miserably.

Bulldogs are playing Warriors in Auckland at the weekend and he suggests we get together next week. As we fly home Sunday that's not going to happen.

Shame as Ted has named his toy Canterbury mascot after him.

The real James Graham has acquired a new nickname over here.

Gone is Jammer and he's now known as Bupa. It's a reference to a healthcare TV ad which shows an unhealthy version of a person.

Bulldogs fans reckon Graham is an unhealthy looking version of fellow prop Aiden Tolman and he does bear an uncanny resemblance to him. England's front rower is a better player though.

THURSDAY

HEAD to the Taronga Zoo which is absolutely brilliant, partly because of the stupendous views over that glorious harbour.

We tick off some rugby league animals and see tigers and a dragon.

There is also a bongo there.

Driving in Queensland I'd passed through a town called Wonglepong. I've been noting down memorable amateur club names over here and Wonglepong Bongos would top the lot.

Close runners-up are Warilla Gorillas where Beau Henry from Gold Coast Titans started off.

Then there's Rodney Coates from Cronulla Sharks who kicked off his career at Como Crocodiles and teammate Isaac Gordon's first club Brewarrina Googars.

I owe all this useless information to the NRL's brilliant 2012 season guide which is jam packed with info.

After the zoo Ted and I go rabbit hunting.

We head to Redfern Oval, training ground home of the Rabbitohs and venue for their pre-season game with Warrington.

The club hold open sessions there and I'm told of an early one this season when a drunk wandered across the pitch and asked coach Michael Maguire what the **** he was doing there.

There are no players in sight today though tackle bags and chests of isotonic drinks suggest they've been here.

We investigate the main stand then boot around a ball on the pitch.

My eye is distracted by a large bloke on crutches walking from the back of the stand.

It must be a player and as he is temporarily disabled he can't get away from us.

We scuttle over towards him and as we get nearer I realise it's Luke Burgess, currently sidelined with a metatarsal injury.

He's game having his photo taken with Ted and is great company. The Rabbitohs kit man builds a platform of buckets for Ted to stand on.

Luke has somewhat slipped under the radar here with brother Sam the club's poster boy though he is the face of Fox TV's coverage in newspaper ads.

If he's good enough to be mixing it in the NRL every week surely he'll be in contention for a World Cup squad slot next year?

Luke points us in the direction of the brand new Rabbitohs Leagues club over the road.

We head over and spot Greg Inglis on his phone and Matt King getting into his car.

We've probably done enough stalking for one day so we hotfoot it back on to the pitch for another kickabout.

Ted has to be dragged away but we have to leave as we've a date back at Coogee.

Rebecca meanwhile is back at Maroubra Lions watching our pal's kids in action again.

We've bumped into various characters from the local Dolphins club over the last couple of weeks and promised to turn up for training.

The kids are there going through their drills on another perfect sunny afternoon.

Mum Leanne is there with son Hartley, nine, and she kindly gives Ted one of their shirts.

He is rather pleased with himself and even more so when he sees it has the number 13 on the back. That's Scully's number he says.

Finish the day watching The Footy Show on Channel Nine.

Realise the co-presenter with Fatty Vautin is that strange looking former cricketer Michael Slater.

I had no idea he was into league and would probably not have hurled as many insults at him in the past if I'd known.

Former Hull KR star Clint Newton is also on with girlfriend Carly who's from Manchester.

She reveals his worst habits are 'farting and picking his nose in the car'. It's class, Australian telly.

Boxman, Fuifui and Fuifui clash again and the Lions of Marouba

2012-03-13T10:48:15Z

MONDAY

ANOTHER big day arrives. We're off to Parramatta v Warriors tonight and a possible rematch between Fuifui Moimoi and Ted Fuifui Wiskar.

But first a quick poke around the city centre. One of the must-dos in any foreign country is to find sweets with vulgar names and today is no different.

So it is with great delight after five minutes looking around Woolworths I find what I'm after. A packet of Pods.

They are a biscuity, caramel affair and pretty average but that doesn't matter.

It gets better. I spy some appalling England leisure wear in one corner.

The shop is flogging off rugby union World Cup 2011 gear.

Baseball caps are reduced from $20 to $1.99 while disgusting t-shirts are dropped from $50 to $4.99.

I cannot think of anyone I loathe enough to buy one but it cheers me up no end to see them.

Head out west to Parramatta, stopping first to marvel at a Kiwi fan with a cardboard box on his head, then on to the place where no trip to Sydney is complete without a visit to.

Peter Wynn's Score is owned by a former Eels star. It's a sports shop crammed to the walls with NRL merchandise.

Want that Canberra Raiders garden gnome? Look no further.

Gold Coast Titans Christmas cracker? Here they are.

Rabbitohs steering wheel cover? Oh yes.

It really is quite overwhelming. My wallet takes a hammering as Ted switches allegiance again to another club.

He's in a Canterbury Bulldogs mood today though we don't escape without picking up a Penrith Panthers frisbee too.

Peter is sitting by the front door and we chat away.

He played 154 times for the Eels and was part of three Grand Final winning sides alongside the likes of Ray Price, Peter Sterling and Brett Kenny. He still looks in great nick.

He's been to our home city Brighton recently and was very impressed.

We exchange numbers and I promise him a trip to see Sussex Merlins next time he visits the other side of the world.

Before we go he hands me a DVD of that 1980s Parramatta purple patch and signs a mug for us all. Bloody marvellous.

It's a lovely, balmy evening as we take our seats in the stadium, having first bought an eel mascot from a van outside. Clearly I hadn't spent enough already.

There are a sizeable number of Warriors fans and some menacing looking characters scattered through the stands.

Eels are gambling on the fitness of flashy full-back Jarryd Hayne and have dropped one-club man Luke Burt, a decision which has irked many of the supporters after his 13 years' service.

Early on Hayne picks up a loose kick close to his goal line and takes off through a gap.

He's lightning quick and strong and I'd back him to go the length of the field.

But he slows and stumbles with no-one near him. The Hayne Train has been derailed.

It's later revealed he's popped a knee capsule and will be out for weeks. It's a cruel blow.

Without him Parra rely on jack-in-the-box half-back Chris Sandow. But the New Zealand side have their own tricksters in Kevin Locke and Shaun Johnson.

And watch out for another monster coming our way, centre Konrad Hurrell.

They win 36-20 and score one spectacular try after the ball goes through heaps of hands and a late length of the pitch clincher when Eels are pressing.

Hayne cuts a disconsolate figure afterwards, shuffling along in a strange combo of formal shirt, lycra leggings, board shorts and flip-flops.

He picks up somewhat when he is interviewed by a blonde reporter from Channel Nine wearing skin tight jeans and high heels.

Burt turns down the offer of a chat with her. Rumour is he's fallen out with coach Stephen Kearney.

He's an unlikely league player. Not too big, immaculately turned out and not swathed in tattoos like his teammates. Irony is he'll get back his place with Hayne injured.

But we're here to see one man and there he is limping up towards the players' gym for a warm-down.

We shout Fui and he catches our eye and a big grin crosses his face when he spots young Fuifui.

Twenty minutes later (with Fui jnr nearly in tears that he wasn't coming back because he'd hurt his knee) and he's out and heading back to the dressing room when we collar him.

He seems genuinely touched we've come to see him and gives Ted the warmest 'hello little man'

I ask him how his knee is and Rebecca finds out his wife has cut his hair.

Numbers are exchanged and hopefully we'll catch him again before we leave.

There's the chance of lunch but I'm not sure I could afford to buy him a whole barbecued moose to fill him up.

TUESDAY

HAYNE'S pained face dominates the front of the Telegraph.

Inside Todd Carney makes the showbiz gossip pages having been spotted at Northies on Sunday after the Sharks lost.

I have no idea what Northies is but suspect it's not a bridge club.

After a day spent lobbing around the Wests Tigers ball on Bondi beach we head out to Maroubra to see a pal's two lads at junior training.

They're members of Maroubra Lions and it's quickly easy to spot whose wing they come under by the number of green and red hooped shirts on display.

It's their own colours and also a pointer we're in Rabbitohs land.

The late afternoon sun is still beating down and Snape Park is busy with knots of different age groups going through their paces.

The under-fives are a coach light so I'm roped into it.

Perfect. This is my one and probably only chance to instil in a generation of budding Australian stars the finer points of the game for when they take on England or (here's hoping) Great Britain.

So we work on how to miss a one-on-one tackle, how to drop the ball in the act of try-scoring and how to behave like Willy Mason off the pitch.

My subterfuge must have been noticed because I am quickly replaced by someone who knows what they are doing.

Ted joins in and while the mums chat away I'm distracted by the telltale thud of bigger bodies colliding.

In the shade of some nearby trees are the older lads, predominantly islanders with a few Warriors shirts on display.

I honestly have no idea how old they are because one or two of them are as big as the original Fuifui. They could be 12 or 13.

Our pal tells us some of the mums have pulled out their kids because they fear they will be seriously hurt. As another thud of meat rings out it's easy to see why.

Fridgegate, Rochdale memories and a Petero Civoniceva beanbag

2012-03-11T10:03:01Z

THURSDAY

GO for a haircut. Should be safe from league chat in here.

No. Bree (cheesy name) starts clipping away and we exchange small talk.

She's from Manly so I have to ask if she's a fan.

She's not but her husband has sold cars to John Hopoate.

I am about to speak of Hopoate's infamy in the game. He is, of course, more famous for sticking his finger up players' bottoms when he tackled them than anything else.

I stop. This is probably not the type of conversation I should be having at 9.15am.

We drive to Surfers Paradise but on the way pass a sign for Burleigh Bears.

They've a great badge and I vaguely remember hearing them mentioned in dispatches.

We turn off to have a look at their ground. Well, I turn off to have a look at their ground. Rebecca mutters something Burleigh audible.

Their ground is the brilliantly named Pizzey Park and it gets better. One of their two co-captains is called Kurt Sorensen. He's blond and looks nothing like his scary Kiwi counterpart.

The club thought they'd signed ex Castleford tubster Dean Widders and that brilliant full-back Preston Campbell who retired from Gold Coast Titans.

But neither have turned up for training for a month and with the first game looming on Saturday it looks like they won't play this season.

In the NRL Fridgegate has kicked off.

Penrith Panthers are under fire for having a sponsors' fridge in camera shot for their press conference after defeat to the Bulldogs at the weekend.

It's crammed with cartons of Oak milk and NRL bosses say it lowers the impact of the competition's official sponsor.

But the Panthers won't budge and media savvy general manager Gus Gould employs a security team to guard the fridge thus getting their sponsors another huge chunk of free advertising and photo on the back pages.

Elsewhere former Kiwi irritant Gary Freeman highlights just what we're up against when we take on the Aussies.

He won 43 caps for New Zealand but says he would rather have played for Queensland to have a taste of State of Origin.

His words come after Maroons coach Mal Meninga snaps up a couple of Kiwi props for junior representation.

It's hard enough beating Australia when the team is full of Australians, never mind Kiwis as well

FRIDAY

IN the lift heading down to breakfast and start chatting to a cheery and healthy looking Australian couple Stan and Helen.

We exchange the usual small talk pleasantries and are about to bid them goodbye when Helen says "my son used to play for Rochdale Hornets".

This puts me off my sausages and I have to know more.

Helen says: "Andrew Harris. He played for Brisbane Norths then came over to try to get a game under Ross Strudwick at London but that didn't work out so he went north.

"I'm from Manchester, well Blackley. Rochdale Road actually so it seemed right."

Andrew's a dental prosthetist now. He did some building work when he was at Hornets and convinced two of the blokes he knocked about with to emigrate.

I'll be trusting People trading cards expert and Hornets fan Gareth Walker to fill me in on Andrew's career.

We head for a surfing lesson at Surfers Paradise (where else?).

Sam's our instructor and does well not to laugh at our attempts.

He plays at Currumbin and knows Brisbane Broncos second rower Alex Glenn and Gold Coast Titans half-back Jordan Rankin. It's in the DNA here.

I head to Brisbane to watch Sam's mate in action that night as the Broncos take on North Queensland Cowboys.

Glenn has a good game, all meaty hand-offs and spiky carries.

Lang Park it says on the road signs and on the stadium in bright neon letters piercing the sky.

Though it now has a sponsor's name Lang Park is a far better fit with some sense of history behind it.

What a stadium it is. Brilliant views from every seat and just perfect in the tropical early evening heat (a monster dragonfly zips past my eyeline at one point).

I pass the statue of Wally Lewis on the way in and hunt unsuccessfully for the statue of Darren Lockyer unveiled earlier that day but can't find it and kick off is looming. Like the great man himself it's difficult to pin down.

Reports in a Papua New Guinea paper this week said Darryn (oops) Lockyer was dead.

No-one knows where the suggestion came from but people were weeping in the street.

They're bananas out there for league. I'll wait until Rebecca is tipsy before I tell here that's where we're going next on our hols. I'll buy some nice matching tear gas masks for us all.

The game is yet another cracker with Broncos looking home and dry before Cowboys full-back Matty Bowen jinks through from a scrum with less than two minutes left to level the scores at 26-26. It's his 30th birthday.

Johnathan Thurston slots over the kick from in front of the posts for the final act of the match.

England's finest Jack Reed gets a loud cheer when his name is read out but the biggest hoots of the night were reserved for veteran prop Petero Civoniceva, returning to the club where it all started for him.

He's much loved in Queensland and indeed all over.

Two chaps behind strike up a conversation about what a lovely bloke he is.

"He goosed me once," says one. "We were at an Origin press conference and he passed me in the corridor and pinched me bum."

"I'd like to market a Petro life-size doll," says his mate, "it would be such a comforting presence."

"What about a beanbag in the shape of his head?" adds chap one.

It's difficult to concentrate on the game with all this hilarity going on in my ear but my eyes are drawn to Buck, the Broncos mascot.

This isn't a chap in a suit but a real live horse galloping up and down the sidelines. There was one at Newcastle too.

I ponder the calamities if health and safety goons ever allowed this to happen in England.

It would certainly give the groundsman at Salford something to put in his wheelbarrow.

SATURDAY

I DRIVE to watch Gold Coast Titans in the town of Robina.

It's a shiny new ground surrounded by acres of space - with no car parking.

There's a quick rail link though and I join the throngs walking to the ground.

It's all a bit bland really. No streets, pubs or interesting things to check out from the railway station five minutes away.

This is an ominous portent for what is to come.

It's a boiling afternoon even for a 4.30 kick off and the bright turquoise plastic seats look like they will melt.

There's just too much going on, like a marketing twonk went to America and came back with every single idea they saw.

So every player's name is read out with the name of their sponsor.

'Ladies and gentlemen, Kane Lawton proudly sponsored by Management Resource Solutions'. I kid you not.

Every time the ball goes out of play there's an advertising announcement over the very loud and very clear (they're never like this when you want them to be) PA system.

Every scrum is greeted by a blast of loud rock music and when Titans finally mount their first attack it's greeted by a cavalry fanfare and the big scream flashing up 'Charge!'.

It's horribly distracting and simply unnecessary.

American sport needs this type of hype to get you through the interminable stoppages.

Blink and you'll miss something in the 13-a-side code.

The crowd is a disappointing 11,000 given it's the Titans' first home game of the season and they nilled the Cowboys in the previous round.

It's a first chance for many to see humongous centre Jamal Idris, one of many new signings they're hoping will help them to the play-offs.

Idris is up against former Kangaroo and Hull utility Shaun Berrigan and has a quiet game.

Raiders shut out the home side in the second half and come home 24-12.

It's a decent enough match but I leave with a hollow feeling thanks to all that shouty nonsense.

On the way back to the station I pass a girl in a hen party veil with horns.

She's speaking angrily into her mobile phone.

"Shit. Utter utter shit," she barks.

I assume she's talking about the Titans' form and not her husband-to-be.

SUNDAY

BACK to Sydney so a day spent in a car, plane, trains and a bus.

James Graham's Canterbury Bulldogs are top of the table after walloping St George Dragons on the Saturday night.

After years of Grand Final frustration will he land the big one this year in his first season Down Under?

Benji, a couple of naughty boys & Mini's last minute heartbreaker

2012-03-07T10:23:53Z

SUNDAY

THE big day arrives and with it the sunshine, glorious sunshine.

It's roasting. A perfect day to go and sit on the grass, watch a match and finally see Benji in the flesh.

He's there on the front page of the Sunday Herald, adopting a strange clothing catalogue pose to publicise his new column inside.

He doesn't say anything of any interest in his column - so just like the rest of them then.

We catch a bus, train and tram to the suburb of Leichhardt and follow the Wests Tigers shirts to the Oval.

There are as many Balmain Tigers retro jumpers and Western Magpies shirts on show as shiny new replica tops.

The Balmain jersey is a stone cold classic, worn by Ellery Hanley in his time here when he helped guide the side to the Grand Final only to be smashed by Terry Lamb and taken off never to return. It's an incident that still rankles around these parts.

We take our spot on the famous grassy hill, surrounded by families on blankets and rowdy Cronulla Sharks fans.

I buy myself, er Ted, a splendid Tigers ball and we lob it about before kick off.

The setting is perfect for young kids as they can hare about while the game's on.

The Sharks' Toyota Cup players file past us before kick off after their curtain raiser.

Some are dressed only in towels. They are colossal, like Easter Island heads on legs.

I try to contemplate how I would tackle one of them, give up and cower behind my ice cream. And these are just the under-20s.

The game is everything I wanted and everything I imagined when I first started seeing clips of the Aussie game all those years ago.

The atmosphere is as good as any Super League game I've been to, helped by a magic combo of sun and beer.

The mercurial Marshall scores early on after a simple drop of the shoulder and dart and the young lad next to us holds up his cardboard placard saying 'Benji your a star'. He's only about eight so I'll forgive him his punctuation.

Marshall has a rival today in Todd Carney, the serial offender Sharks half back. It's a great face-off between two immensely gifted players.

Benji has the sublime passing and kicking game with the constant threat if he doesn't do either he'll step and ghost through.

Carney attacks the line more and is rewarded for his probing when he unleashes former Hull winger Colin Best who appears to score directly in front of us.

He's been a handful all game, as he was during his time in England, but his effort is ruled out for a double movement.

The ref doesn't go to the video ref and will pay for this and another howler later in the week by being suspended for the next round.

The game goes into extra time (that's two out of two for me) and who else but Benji slots a 35-metre drop goal to win it.

There's more controversy as TV replays show several Tigers players were offside from the previous play and it should have been the Sharks marching downfield.

We head home after a perfect afternoon's sport.

Rebecca ponders how some of the players get their trousers on over their uber chunky thighs.

Ted gets to see Benji and when he spills his water on the way out in his pushchair says Carney has weed on him.

He's clearly remembering everything we tell him about the game and its naughty boys.

We celebrate the day at a Thai cafe with a few beers (few milks for Ted) as the rain starts again, sending torrents of water sloshing down the hill outside.

But slightly toasted from the day's rays and still buzzing from the game and the buzz at the ground we simply don't care.

MONDAY

YOU can guess who's on the front page of the Herald, punching the air at his winning kick.

There's also huge build-up to tonight's derby clash between the Rabbitohs and Roosters.

After years of failure the pressure is on the Rabbitohs this season and the honeymoon is over for co-owner Russell Crowe.

They've signed players like Greg Inglis to guide them to the play-offs and ex Wigan boss Michael Maguire is charged with the task.

Crowe's Hollywood sheen has started to wear off apparently.

He produced a motivational video for the players, showing himself on a film set 'doing what he does' and encouraging them to do likewise. It was met with laughter.

These are genuinely tough men, remember, not actors playing tough men.

We leave our home in the heartlands of both clubs and trek on bus and three trains to ANZ Stadium.

What was known as the Olympic Stadium is now home to the Bunnies.

As we head in I spy a familiar face signing autographs.

Time for Ted to meet another naughty man. It's Luke Issac, suspended South Sydney hooker and Kiwi irritant. He's the man who tried to break Rangi Chase's leg in the Four Nations.

He's a tattooed imp up close and considerably bigger than he looks on TV.

Thankfully he doesn't try to damage me as I ask him to pose with Rebecca and Ted for a pic.

In the press box, pre-match talk is of James Graham's Canterbury Bulldogs debut.

He made 43 tackles and had 14 hit-ups..from the bench. There's already a buzz about him.

The stadium is a strange place. We have great seats with a great view but there are only 18,000 fans so it's really difficult to become engaged.

The Rabbitohs are a huge side from one to 13. Sam Burgess has become a real hero and after missing most of last season through injury he has a lot to prove.

Inglis pairs up with Matt King on one flank then there's Dave Taylor in the pack. His silhouette is like ten bags of potatoes glued together.

His nickname is the Coal Train and every time he takes it up he leaves a trail of destruction in his wake.

The Rabbitohs are cruising and are 20-12 up with three minutes left.

The family of islanders behind me decked out in red, white and blue haven't smiled once as the Roosters head for defeat.

Then something remarkable happens.

Kiwi prop Jared Waerea-Hargreaves trundles his way over under the sticks.

Daniel Mortimer, son of Steve, converts and Roosters are trailing 20-18 with one set left.

Astonishingly they fashion something from nothing on the fifth tackle with former Aussie full-back Anthony Minichiello getting on the end of a kick through to score the winning try.

The islanders go bananas while the Rabbitohs fans stream out.

It's even worse when you lose in a place like this. There's no pub nearby to drown your sorrows.

That's three games so far then, two going to extra time and one settled on the last play of the game.

TUESDAY

BRILLIANT pic of last night's game on the back page of the Telegraph and radio talk-ins are still buzzing about the sensational finish.

There are seven pages of coverage with rugby union shunted back behind news of Andres Vilas Boas getting the boot at Chelsea.

We head up to the Gold Coast where we'll be based for the next few days.

Our hotel has a welcome brochure with a list of all the attractions in the area.

It's a mindboggling array of how to part with your cash.

Wax Museum, Putt Putt golf, Ripley's Believe It Or Not, Haunted House, Wildlife Park, Zoo, Landsailing, Surfing, Go Karts, Jet Boats, Jet Ski Safaris, Hot air Balloons. and on and on.

Yet my eye is drawn to one crucial piece of paper which lists the TV channels we have available in our room.

We have satellite and that means three channels of repeated league highlights from the weekend somewhere in the schedule.

That night Rebecca and I grab a takeaway curry and settle down to watch a programme called Choseday Night Football.

I think she really hates me by now but I shove the vegetable biriani at her and even she becomes interested when she hears the name Darren Britt.

They're showing a 1991 match between North Sydney Bears and Western Suburbs. Bingo!

Rebecca remembers Britt from his Saints days when he teamed up with her favourite, Barry Ward, in the front row.

There are plenty of names from our competition on show in a brilliant game in which the lead constantly changes hands.

Britt is joined in the Magpies pack by another less successful ex-Saint Pat Jarvis. In the backs are former Wigan winger Jamie Ainscough with another ex cherry and white player, Andrew Farrar alongside him.

For Norths (Advance Australia Bear reads one fabulous banner in the crowd) there's yet another former Wiganer Greg Florimo in the halves, looking far more active than his days in England.

And at hooker there's former London coach Tony Rae, captaining the side.

The game is played at the North Sydney Oval which is a cricket ground and the fans are a long way from play.

There's a high shot every other tackle which goes unpinged by bearded ref Greg McCallum.

And everybody is white. No islanders and no indigenous stars on the paddock.

How the game has changed.

WEDNESDAY

WE'RE staying in Coolangatta which is in Queensland, on the border with New South Wales.

That means you have the luxury of three daily papers to lap up the league. Kerching!

The Sydney Telegraph comes up here, Brisbane is about 70 miles away so the Courier Mail's on sale and there's also the Gold Coast bulletin.

It is quite overwhelming. I could spend my morning poring through all the league coverage but am instead ushered out to Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary.

Time to lay off you-know-what for a while. Er, not for long.

We have breakfast with Ken Holmes from the sanctuary and Molly Dunn from Gold Coast tourism.

Ken's from Sydney and was a Cronulla Sharks fan. He remembers the impact Cliff Watson and Tommy Bishop had on the club in the 1970s.

He supports Gold Coast Titans now and says: "We got the wooden spoon last year. It should have been plastic. But when we lose you just go to the beach."

These are words you never hear in Leigh.

Molly talks of all the sport on offer in this lovely part of the world and we chat about Karmichael Hunt, former Aussie fullback who's now an AFL player with Gold Coast Suns and has just trousered a new long-term deal.

She recommends Currumbin Life Savers Club on the beautiful beach at the end of the road for a spot of food later.

We take her up on it and as I pay for two schooners at the bar I spy a pair of TVs in the corner.

They are showing the Norths v Bears game from the night before.

I could get to like it here.

Newcastle, meat pies, Nobbys Head and a skirt for Mardi Gras

2012-03-03T08:29:56Z

THURSDAY

NO more sleeps. The big day finally arrives with Newcastle Knights taking on St George Illawarra Dragons in the season opener.

The Telegraph devotes half its front page to the game while even the rather sober Sydney Morning Herald has a photograph on the front of new Knights coach Wayne Bennett and the club owner, mining multi millionaire Nathan Tinkler.

I visit the NRL's new head offices at the back of the Sydney Football Stadium and Sydney Cricket Ground.

It will be the site of a League museum later in the year and I'm kindly given a sneak preview of some of the rooms.

My eyes are immediately drawn to a huge turret of Steeden balls stretching high in the lobby with one for each member club. I want them all.

There's a classy mural (or Muriel seeing as we're in Australia) featuring Darren Lockyer, the mighty State of Origin trophy dominates a window while the Four Nations trophy is tucked in a cabinet.

I recognise a chap talking to the rather attractive receptionist. It's Nigel Vagana, one time NRL try scoring machine, Warrington star and the man who put Paul Deacon into so much bother all those years ago.

He's one of the NRL's many ambassadors, taking the sport to kids and the community at large.

Armed with my media accreditation I head off to Newcastle, aiming to drive over the harbour bridge

I've climbed it in the past and there's something magnetic about it.

Clearly not magnetic enough as I miss the turning and take the tunnel instead.

Newcastle is a couple of hours north of Sydney if you're lucky with the traffic.

I am and skirt the suburbs of Jesmond, Wallsend and Stockton passing immense freight yards jammed with rolling stock.

This is coal mining country and that's where Knights owner Nathan Tinkler made his dosh.

Like its north east counterpart in England it's also home to beautiful beaches.

I grab a Tiger - a brilliant combo of steak pie, mash, peas and gravy - and head to the sands of Nobbys Head.

This is for two reasons. Firstly I am immensely childish and the name amuses me and secondly I start giggling as I wonder if it is named after Brian Noble. After all, he's had his nuts immortalised.

The bronzed and the beautiful are catching the last rays of the day and hitting the surf.

The stadium lies about five miles away and I spend an hour outside the huge new main stand watching the arrivals.

There are some remarkable sights. It's seems compulsory to have some sort of ZZ Top facial hair and a vest. Even the men have the same.

There are a healthy number of Dragons fans in the 29,000 crowd, many of them very, very drunk.

Three sit behind me and I get a fabulous running commentary throughout. It starts to rain again.

Dragons win with an extra time drop goal by Jamie Soward after the bloke behind kept shouting 'Into their guts, into their guts' as the men
in the red vee marched downfield to set up the position.

Soward looks a constant threat throughout, his distinctive white headgear flashing across the visitors' line.

I'm told of a bright new thing for the Dragons before kick-off, Jack de Belin who's a forward promoted from their under-20s.

Boy does he love himself. I think of a nickname for him based on his surname. He gets smashed a few times but picks himself up to run it in again with his shock of blond hair kept in check by a headband.

He's last man off the pitch and goes to greet family and friends with one section of Dragons fans chanting 'Fabio, Fabio', a reference presumably to that preposterous male model.

In the tunnel Wendell Sailor high fives some of the St George stars.

After the game Bennett address the media. There's an awkward pause before the first question and one of the code's coaching greats is short and sharp with his answers.

The defeat clearly hurts. A lot is expected of him this season after leading Brisbane and St George to Grand Final success.

Tinkler has stated he wants a top four finish and has already sacked one executive of the club and clearly means business.

FRIDAY

IT's still raining. We catch the ferry to Manly with copies of the Manly Daily providing a dry spot on some of the seats.

Sea Eagles coach Geoff Toovey is on the cover. He looks fairly content so presumably the photo was taken before Leeds turned them over in the World Club Challenge.

A huge picture of Soward celebrating dominates the front page of the Telegraph while Benji and Fuifui team up on the front of the Big League magazine.

If I show this to Ted he may explode.

We spend the afternoon rooting through second hand shops in the suburb of Newtown, home of everybody's favourite faded, smaller club the Jets.

It's a goldmine. We find a signed Eastern Suburbs kids' jersey for Ted and have to stop after the pile on the counter of cool stuff gets too large.

The blokes' shirts have clearly all been worn previously by the biggest ever Samoan front rower.

I try a couple on but they are so big they look like a dress on me. Mindful it's Mardi Gras here tomorrow I put the wallet away.

But not before spying a discarded St Helens top. Who would do such a thing?

Also spot a 2009 NRL trading cards book in another shop. Contemplate buying it just to have the ultimate oneupmanship on People colleague Gareth Walker, an expert on such matters.

Fuifui's on the box tonight as Parramatta Eels lose 18-6 to Brisbane Broncos.

They start brightly with new record signing Chris Sandow opening the scoring but the Broncos claw their way back and after an hour it's obvious there will be only one winner.

Winger Jharal Yow Yeh seems to have grown a foot in height and width while Sam Thaiday is magnificent, barrelling in constantly and playing the game with a smile on his face.

England centre Jack Reid looks very comfortable in such elite company.

We're due a trip to Parramatta for their round three game. Let's hope Jarryd Hayne is back for that one. They need some inspiration.

SATURDAY

PROBABLY time to rein it in a bit today with two games in two days looming for the family.

I'm desperate to see James Graham's debut for the Bulldogs though and as we don't have satellite TV I'd have to sneak out into the rain to watch it in the nearby building that masquerades as a pub.

Keep thinking about it but may need that type of favour later in the trip.

In the Telegraph Danny Buderus admits his side suffered nerves in the opener.

And Fatima Kdough (great name) reports the game drew the biggest TV audience in Sydney with over 1.6million watching it across the city, Brisbane and other regions.

It prompts Channel Nine, who gambled with the Thursday opener, to also show tomorrow's Grand Final rematch between Manly and New Zealand Warriors.

For us it's a trip to Leichhardt to watch Wests Tigers take on Cronulla Sharks. Finally, it's Benji in the flesh.

A spot on the famous hill beckons though I've been warned the beer will run out and the pies will be warm.

Just like a trip to Knowsley Road then. Brilliant.

Three weeks of the Greatest Game in Australia following the NRL

2012-02-29T10:25:48Z

I'VE watched Great Britain and England Down Under but it's been a lifetime wish to be over there when the NRL kicks off.

Under the flimsy excuse of saying it could be the last chance to visit Australia before my four-year-old son Ted goes to school, that wish has come true.

Three days in and his mum Rebecca hasn't punched either of us yet despite our daily obsession with all things League starting to become a bit tedious.

We're aiming to take in as many as seven games in the next three weeks, starting with the sold-out opener Newcastle Knights v St George Dragons.

Here's a diary of the trip. I'll stop when Rebecca punches me.

MONDAY

ARRIVE Sydney at night and it doesn't take long to start talking League.

As we leave the plane we chat to a steward called Pip who's a Cronulla Sharks fan.

Talk soon gets round to the death of Ian Millward's teenage son Robbie.

Pip used to be an Illawarra Steelers supporter and his parents are big pals of Millward's parents.

Millward played lower grade for the club and his dad Bob was chairman before they merged with St George to form the St George Illawarra Dragons.

"I know Basil, he's a lovely, genuine bloke and I just can't begin to imagine what he's going through. I've a six-month son and.." Pip swears then his words trail off.

As we leave Kingsford Smith airport in our taxi there's a huge billboard with a host of NRL stars emblazoned across it.

One of our missions over the next three weeks is to hunt down Benji Marshall, my son's second favourite player. We've been here less than an hour and there he is alongside Greg Inglis, Jamie Lyon, Billy Slater and superstars from every club.

The slogan across the advert reads 'This Is Our House'.

We arrive in Coogee, a beach south of Bondi in the Eastern Suburbs, where our house will be for the first week.

Coogee was home to Pommie panto villain Adrian Morley from his days at the Roosters collecting disciplinary meetings and new fans.

After a wallet-spanking late night pizza and a few beers (it's brutally expensive here and the Aussie dollar is worth half than when I first came here) I pick up a copy of the Sydney Telegraph.

There's Benji again, on page one publicising an NRL tipping chart.

This hunting him down lark is far too easy.

TUESDAY

JET lag starts playing tricks with my tiny mind so I'm up and about before 6am.

Out for a stroll on the beach then to a newsagent to pick up a copy of Rugby League Week, their brilliant regular mag with page after page of imaginative photographs of the game's stars.

In their season preview RLW pictured Todd Carney, one time target for Huddersfield Giants before he was turned down on visa grounds, now at Cronulla.

Carney has been in bother for urinating on a bloke in a nightclub, leading the police in a car chase, vandalising a motor, breaking booze bans. Yadda yadda yadda.

The photographer shoots him looking through a broken mesh fence. He is a walking tapestry of tattoos and there's one visible on his lower neck saying 'Daryl'.

He looks like he's behind bars. This shot can not have been an accident.

On the latest cover there's a magical Kiwi half-back in a black shirt with a diamond ear stud looking all moody. Yup, Marshall again.

There's no sign of Benji in today's Telegraph but there is a free fixture card and a box next to the preview for the Newcastle Knights v St George Dragons opener saying 'two more sleeps until kick off'. This is clearly aimed at myself.

After an afternoon spent being pummelled in the surf then pummelled in the nether regions by Ted as we practice our sets of six on the beach we traipse home.

But there's an excuse to soon stop when we see some kids doing league training drills on the outfield of Coogee Oval cricket pitch.

It's a lovely ground with a small but perfectly formed grandstand. Randwick RUFC play here in the winter, and even hosted the All Blacks in 1988.

But today the leaguies have it and we see the youngsters' t-shirts say Coogee Dolphins.

It's a club with a tragic footnote in history. Beneath the Dolphin logo on their tops is a sequence of digits, 6-10-5-8-3-4.

They are the shirt numbers of the six members of the club who were killed in the Bali bomb tragedy in 2002.

Twenty Australians from the area died that day and to mark it there's a sculpture overlooking the sea nearby at an area renamed after the tragedy, Dolphin Point.

Rebecca and I chat to a couple of the coaches.

John tells us Coogee is a strategic point in League (they don't use the word rugby out here..that's saved for the 15-a-side code. John's mate has another word for union, four letters beginning with s and ending in t).

North of the bay and you're in Roosters territory, south and you are in Rabbitohs land.

They invite us to a bigger training session at a different venue close by in a couple of weeks. We accept. Well, it would be rude not to.

WEDNESDAY

MAYBE Leon Pryce was right when he said he preferred Blackpool to Bondi.

It lashes down all day and even a city as beautiful as Sydney looks grim in the constant downpour.

We take a ferry past the Opera House which in this weather looks just like a row of rotting, dirty teeth.

On the way into the city I hear two irritating Americans (is this tautology?) withering on about firstly themselves then Mario Balotelli. No escape from our footballing numpties here.

Ted's favourite player Fuifui Moimoi is on the cover of the Telegraph as part of their top 50 players to watch feature.

The lead story is about the dreadful weather with a second story moaning about petrol prices. Remind you of anywhere?

Inside there are EIGHT pages of League coverage including a lead on Gareth Ellis's announcement he's to leave Wests Tigers at the end of the season and return home.

James Graham will open his Canterbury Bulldogs career from the bench against Penrith Panthers on Saturday.

And England teammate Sam Burgess starts against the Roosters on Monday night after an injury wrecked 2011 season.

We stop at a supermarket on the way home and are sucker-punched by a large stand of NRL Easter eggs.

No Benji today so Ted forces my arm into buying a Tigers one (his mum likes the red and green Rabbitohs number while I was eyeing up a Dragons one).

I'm disappointed a small plastic Marshall or Ellis doesn't drop out when you give Ted's a shake.

One sleep to go.

Brian McDermott on Leeds v Manly in the World Club Challenge

2012-02-15T17:40:37Z

WHAT's the odds of it kicking off when Leeds take on Manly in the World Club Challenge on Friday?

There's no love lost between the two sides after the last time they clashed three years.

Jamie Peacock and Josh Perry took a dislike to each other that day with one dust-up rumbling the foundations of Elland Road.

I don't know what was said but Peacock was determined to get in the last punch (or two).

I've not seen Perry move so fast. Certainly not since he joined St Helens.

Rhinos coach Brian McDermott has already hinted it might get a bit tasty.

You'll have probably read more sanitised quotes but a quick glance on-line and you'll see his unabridged take on the match.

He said: ''I'm not into saying to the fellas, 'If it's going tits-up, have a fight'. I think that's the wrong way to go about it. If it's on, it's on. We're ready for whatever comes our way.''

So there you are..if it's on, it's on. All the more reason to tune into the game of the week over here.

Not so Down Under. You'll be hard pushed to find a great deal on the match on the Sydney Morning Herald website for example.

Buried beneath build-up to the forthcoming NRL season is their take on the clash.

It's not even the way-in to a Manly story. They prefer the fallout between the Sea Eagles and the game's heirarchy.

It's a reflection of the way they view one more aspect of the international game. The Aussies just don't care.

One more reason then for Leeds to stuff it up them at Headingley.