Nikoe Sasaki

Proust

10/13/06
I FINALLY watched the movie "Miss Little Sunshine" that everyone raved about. And yes, it was excellent!! All the actors are brilliant! The script was super!

By the way, in the movie, one of the character talks about Proust a lot, since he is a college professor who studies Marcel Proust.
I was like, "Proust !!! I didn't hear that name, since I left school"!!

When I was in school, I took Literature classes and Philosophy classes, so I used to hear his name and "In search of Lost Time" here and there, and I sort of read his books so I could tell people "I read them", you know?

Now that I am an actor, as I was watching the "Ms. Little Sunshine ", and reflecting on Proust, I realized, what Proust call "Involuntary Memory" is what we study as "Sensory Memory" in acting class!!! -As Uta Hagen addresses in her book (If you are not in the business, you might not know her, but Uta Hagen was a legendary actress who also was a legendary acting teacher, who taught @ HB studio in NYC, where I first studied acting!).

The "Episode of Madeline" in Proust's "In Search of Lost Times" is the core of what us actors study as "Sensory Memory" !!!
We, actors study this "Sensory Memory" to recall certain emotion.... (now I am studying that as "Personalization" at the Howard Fine).

When I read Uta's book and learned about Sensory Memory, about 7 years ago, I thought that was so brilliant, as well as other things she wrote in the book, it almost was a shock to mebut, also, for someone in Late 1800's, who is not even an actor, to know about how out thought travels.....its just so incredible....I guess that's what separates Proust from the rest of us....

Fun Acting Day

10/13/06
So, today, my manager send me to this casting for F-U-N-N-Y TV commercial and it was a blast !!!

I get to act, oh, so crazy !! and the poor old lady who had to audition w/me, said to me afterwards, "Young Lady, you have so much energy, how many coffee did you drink today!"

I like silly, stupid staff...and then, I remember, long time ago, my favorite TV show used to be "MAD TV"...and when I was little, I wanted to be in Saturday Night Live.

BUSY BUSY BUSY

9/27/06
It has been really busy for me lately, going to castings and auditions and meetings....w/no luck
Seems like I am not booking anything !!!
I would like to think why? but I shouldn'tthere is no answer.
Nothing is personal.I see people who suck at acting book jobs everyday !

Someone once said, the actor's job is to go to Auditions, not the actual work on the set. I am really feeling it. I AM WORKING EVERYDAY driving around all day everyday all over LA

Who knows, the contacts I am making now could lead to something in near future as long as I am showing them that I am a good actor.and coaching I am getting for the auditions are making me better actor and thats all good !

At the same time, I started studying w/Howard Find a few weeks ago. This is awesome, reminds me of training I received in NY, I loved so much. It's so exciting.
It is so easy to focus on business side of acting here in LA and I tend to forget that why I do what I do.

I must tell you, I LOVE TO ACT.
I just love any opportunities to act, whether its an audition, for the training, or on the set....as long as I can act, I am happy and I know this is something I can only get better, as an artist.which is something I should look forward to.

Well. Today's my first day off in, God, like in 2weeks, I do have to meet my voice coach in afternoon, but, other than that, I will just relax and enjoy my day. Meet my girlfriend for lunch in Hollywood. Clean my house. Walk my dog. Read book. Staff that I didn't get to do for all this time.

Natalie Martinez ~Fashion House

9/1/06

So. I used to work at this Restaurant on Melrose. It was very busy restaurant and it was just a job for me, so I really didn't have any personal feelings for any patrons, good or bad....it didn't matter how famous the person was... but I still remember a few, really a few patrons that I felt personally close....

One of the patrons was this "girl"...who was VERY friendly and nice to me. She had this very pure, innocent vibe, almost like a child's and very genuine niceness to me, I just thought she is so special. and I instantly liked her.

She was very pretty, but rarely wears make up and had a scar on her face. She always wears jeans and comes into the restaurant with a motorcycle helmet and drinks a large bottle of Dry Beer, straight from the bottle.
She used to tell me I was cute, and I was very flattered, because she was very pretty in the way I really liked.
(I really don't like girly-girls..and yes I have a scar on my face, too...and I do like girls who is not dependant to men!)

No one at the restaurant thought she was an actress or Hollywood industry person, because she didn't have that snobbish bitchy vibe.
We all thought she might be working in the store near by, and comes to our restaurant after she gets off work.

So, no one in the restaurant treated her special, of course, but I just liked her so much. And I sort of treated her special because she was special to me.
Anyways, so, I used to chit-chat with her and all I knew about her was (other than what she normally likes to order) that, her name is Natalie and she's from Miami, and her family is from Cuba and she has a little brother she really loves back home in Florida.

She had this really rare vibe that's hard to find in LA and I was very fond of her. Even after I quit working at the restaurant, I wondered how she's doing few times...(hope I don't sound like a stalker by now!!!!)

Today, I was home watching TV. And when I look, there is this really exotic, sultry girl on TV who just looks so familiar to me.... it took me about good 10~15 minutes to realize.... OMIGOD! THAT IS NATALIE!!! She wasn't a girl who works at the store, she is an actress !!!

She is such a great actress that she is totally different person on TV! !!
The way she talks, how she moves, how she sounds, everything is so different, she's very feminine, exotic, sexy diva! But it's Natalie!
I am so happy for her success. I hope this series will be a success. Congratulations Natalie!

For more detail of the show Fashion House, Starring Bo Derek and Morgan Fairchild as well as Natalie Martinez:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fashion_House

I used to work in Hollywood EVERYDAY and hated it,

9/1/06
BECAUSE, I was a waitress.

I used to work at this restaurant on Melrose Avenue, in West Hollywood, when I was struggling to get gigs ! I didn't want to get a day job, because I still had to go to Auditions during the day whenever my agent calls me. Seems like waiting tables at restaurant is the only career choice for struggling actors to make ends meet.
(unless you know how to bartend !) We have to pay for acting coaches and pictures and workshops, AND drive around the town, going to Castings, only to get turned down (!), making sure we look good...yes, being an actor and trying to make career out of it is expensive!

Anyways, the restaurant is in Hollywood and I used to see many celebrities as patrons. Some are very famous people. Very famous Actors, Actress, Singers, Hollywood Agents and Casting Directors and WritersAnd most of them are really nice.

Now, I sometimes go to a meeting or interviews and starting to meet some of them as an actress, not as a waitress (can't wait to see more of them more often !!)
and they are, still, genuinely nice to me.
Most people are glad to see me doing my thing...(or, don't recognize me at all !)

After all, Hollywood is not such a bad place.

I will be on Time Warner Cable Commercial

8/24/06
Yes, I am still sick, still have fever and cannot stop coughing.... this cold is so stubborn! I am sick of feeling sick.

Anyways, work is work and I had to work today.... all day shoot in the park.... it was TV commercial for Time Warner Cable.

On set, one of the crew member were from Brooklyn, and you know, well, actually, I don't know if you know, unless you are from NY or you've lived in NY, but some people from Brooklyn are, after all, people from Brooklyn and they are different from people from New York in general.

There is this instant connection when people from certain part of Brooklyn meet people from, certain part of Brooklyn......and I am not talking about those people from, Brooklyn Heights or Park Slope, or, Williamsburg, or, Bensonhurst....I am not talking about, Bagel eating, or Spaghetti eating part of Brooklyn.

I am talking about people from where I came from.....Beef Patty eating, Chicken Wing eating, Double Dutch playing, Loosie (cigarette/medicine) selling, Insence smelling, part of Brooklyn.

Well, I am from Japan, but that part of Brooklyn NY was the only place I've lived in the USA until I came to Hollywood.

So. Brooklyn Republic was America I knew.

Anyways. I hear this guy's from NY.
So I say, I'm from NY, too. And then, he goes, where, Manhattan? So I say, "Where u from?" and he say, "Crown Heights" so, I smile and say,"Bed-Stuy." and thats all it takes for him to let his guard go and start conversation and feel like we are friends.

I know it's a different story, if He said, "Crown Heights" and if I went "Carroll Gardens (Its in Brooklyn)"...
and it is certaintly differnt from, two strangers from LA meeting each other in East Coast....

I'm sick.....someone please help.

8/19/06
I am feeling very miserable since yesterday. I am sick....I have headache, body ache, sneezing, running nose, sore throat, teary eyes, fever, nausea...you name it, all the cold symptoms...I am feeling very miserable...and feeling worse and worse...someone please help...

I tried "tylenol cold". Didn't work....
so I tried "Alka seltzer cold". Didn't work.
so I tried "Nyquil".Didn't work.

So now, I am trying "theraflu severe cold"...hope this works... and I will be able to have nice sleep....

My forever Idol is....

8/12/06
My forever Idol is ...Cindi Lauper !

(I guess, she is now Cyndi Lauper, not Cindi)

Yes, her "She's so unusual" album's cassette(tape) was my very first purchase made with my very first allowance....(yeah, when I was a little, there were cassettes... !) I was so excited and I remember playing the whole album, like 10 times a day, everyday. (Thats 10 times a day of rewinding...eventually the tape broke, of course, and I bought the CD)

When her European tour was aired on TV, I taped it (because there was no Tivo and No DVDs !) and watched it so many times...I remember little me getting goose bumps everytime I watched it... I could imitate every single move she made on the stage...since I watched it so many times!

I just adore her so much ever since, and thank God her songs from that album are still played here and there, since it is, like, a classic, and whenever I hear her voice, wheter its from the Radio while I am driving, or at the store, or at the Bar, I just get so happy and I spend the day feeling happy and blessed.

She still sounds and look amazing... (www.cyndilauper.com )

I know you don't know that I even exist, but, Ilove you Cyndi, you are my forever Idol ! XOXOXO

Never Take NO as answer

8/12/06
This afternoon, someone told me "Things always start with people telling us NO so we can't stop there" This made a whole lot of sense to me today....My life is full of Nos turning into Yes. and I love every moment of it.

I guess, Life is what we make it and we define every moment of our lives somewhat.

I CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY AND I AM FED UP ! Part 2

8/11/06
Okay. Today. I had a second meeting with, well remember that person, who's in my "I CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY AND I AM FED UP!" blog? Yes, the person who told me that she would have worked with me if I hadn't cut my hair. So. I really didn't think I would be working with her after that meeting. I sort of said fuck her and went on with my daily life.

Surprise. Turned out, she called me back to set up another appointment with me.....to have me sign a contract!! Yes, she now wants to work with me.

As soon as I walked into her office this morning, she goes "Your hair looks really cute. I like it like that". Someone in the office who remember that she wanted me to have long hair goes, "you know, if you want her to have long hair, maybe we can use extensions...and it will look great." and I go," yeah?" but, this person goes, "NO no no no no. I like her hair like that, it's really cute"

Yeah. I can't please everybody and I am fed up, and I am learning how to just sort of smile at everyone and politely say fuck you to everyone, only in my head, and just take care business, because people are so full of shit and they just talk shit and they don't mean shit after all, because they don't really know shit and they don't really care who I am and what I am. So its a waste of time worrying about what people say or do about me because it always changes ... All I care is myself and be proud and be happy with myself, because, at the end of the day, I am dealing with myself, not with anyone else.
I don't bend myself for other people to make me fit them, people can fit me or things are not meant to be...and thats how life is, nothing is wrong and its no ones falut.

Valuable life lesson learned. Life is indeed too short and too stupid to be taken seriously ;-) or be upset and that's why I love it so much.and still I get job done ! Yes, I signed a contract and things are looking good for me. I had another great day !

Moving

8/9/06
I JUST finished moving into a new (and bigger!) apartment and at the same time work have been pretty busy for me...I should be exhausted...but for some reason, I have so much energy lately.
I guess I am a kind of girl who likes to keep it busy and keep it going and that sort of gives me energy.
I will have a couple of castings tomorrow, wish me luck!

Sheer Cover

7/29/06
Today I was at the studio and this make up person gave me this Sheercover Make up to try !

Its something you see on infomercial, not something you see at Nordstrom or at BergdorfGoodman.

Well !!!

You know, I do get professional make up all the time and I have been make up junky, well, sort of, for long long time, so it does take a lot to impress me with anything.

BUT. I got so excited over this one. OMG, I applied it on my face and I just kept on looking my face in the mirror, like a person who just got a nose job or something.... what a difference!

I AM PRETTY !!!

I went to meet my girlfriend in Beverly Hills for dinner after the shoot and I just was in such a good mood, smiling at everyone.... Yes, it is important to look good.... and feel good about it sometimes..

F.Y.I.
I AM NOT GETTING ANY ENDORSEMENTS !!!!

Anyways, good night~

My Joey

7/26/06

Hey, Its so hot everyday....hope y'all are doing well..I noticed that my WebMaster Jeremy from Etono added this new feature and I now can upload picture!

So. I give my loving dog joey the honor to be here! Isn't he cute?

I CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY AND I AM FED UP !

7/12/06
People sucks sometimes..

I got my hair cut a while back, because my manager told me my long straight hair "is not working", to book me for certain jobs....pointing out the fact, all the Asians have the same hair style, long and straight, and in this town, I need to be unique. I sort of agreed to where he's coming from, and I liked to go forward w/my career, not staying where it is, so, I cut it, no big deal, even though, it was a week after I spent a couple hundred dollars for hair straightning perm....I met a great hairstylist who gave me a great hair cut, I love my new hair, I get a lot of compliments, I look and feel great !!

Today. I had a meeting w/someone who's in hiring position....first thing she told me as soon as I walked into her office was...."Nikoe !! You cut your hair !!! WHY!!!!I would work with you if you had long hair, do you think, you can grow your hair like this (pointing at my old headshot) in a month ?? (Notice no one's hair grow that fast !!) You know, you look great, but the short hair will limit you so much. If you look at TV or Movie almost all Asians you see have long straight hair why do you thik it is?"

And then. I went to another office to meet someone else for another project. and he goes.
" Do you think we can retouch your picture and make your hair look shorter? and more in style?"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!

I don't know why I felt so small, but at that point, I just have to realize that, I really can't please everyone I meet and I really can't make everyone like me.
There is always, "but"s and "if"s to like me ??

You don't even believe that people have commented on how I blink my eye, and say, "hey, you know, if you stop that, you may actually start booking more! "

Some people have told me that my accent is too strong I should work on my speach. And then, there're times that I wasn't hired because my accent was too little, or I was hired "but" I had to work on my accent so I would sound more foregin...

People just talk shit and sometimes they don't even mean shit and and its all peoples need to feel the power or some shitty habit that people are addicted to in this town, maybe. I don't care. I hate to feel like I don't know how I am.

Anyways, sometimes, people make you feel like you mean nothing and I guess that's part of life....Most of the times, things doesn't bother me at all, but sometimes, like today, even I want to say, "Fuck y'all ! Are you fuckin' kiddin me?" and kick the chair and slam the door and walk out the office.

Last week, I was flipping pages of some stupid gossip magazines at my girlfriends house, and, 2 magazines, using a exact same pic of, who was it? I think, it was Reese Witherspoon, in bikini. One says "look she's fat and ugly", the other one says, " look how fabulous she looks"

My GOD !

I kind of understand why people act like a bith when they actually make it big in Hollywood.....thats so much bullshit that they have to go through...

By the way. I am an actress, does anyone even care if I can act at all, before they care how my hair looks ? ;-)

hahahha~~~

7/8/06
I just saw this trailer

and hey ! the girl who's taking off her dress at the end of this trailer is, ME !!!!

So funny. and I know they made me look so ugly for this role...I was supposed to be a very trashy stripper or something. Well, work is work, you know. At least, I made it to the trailer. ;-) and my body looks good. hahaha.

Yes, I am alive

7/7/06
Well, sorry I was away from my blog, just wasn't feelin' it for a while, my friends from NY were back in town, we had nice, long July 4th weekend in Los Angles, Santa Barbara and Palm Springs.

I loved the night we did "girls night out" thing and hit the hollywood clubs in my pick up truck (yes, I do not drive an upscale German Car like everyone else I know, I drive a pick up truck and of course, this is by choice), I love to be a wild child.

and yes, I did cook out on July 4th in my bikini. ;-) it was a pool BBQ, so everyone had to have a bikini !! FUN FUN FUN~>>>> I sometimes wish if I could live like this w/o working at all rest of my life.....just like every one of you, haha.

I have short hair !!!

6/2/06
I went to get hair cut lately....and my hair is now short.....I get so many compliments, I feel prettier ! Thank you, Rocky from the "Chop Chop" ! It was 3hour hair cut. He said that was the longest hair cut he has given to anyone.

Something about long hair...whether it looks good or not, maybe, just because, it takes years to grow hair long, seems so valuable....and sometimes it doesn't matter how better a person looks in short hair, or, how dull the hair cut is, as long is its long, its okay...seems like. Having a long hair itself is like an asset, or is it just me??? I love my short hair, but I look at my old pic and I miss my hair already...and I know I will keep it short, because I love it so much...but I want to have long hair....I know I don't make any sense. I never do.

I am back in town

6/2/06
Well I came back in town Monday evening, actually, but still not fully recovered from post-vacation-blues (what a heck is that?) , well, I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING....I feel like my summer is over already.

I am on (much deserved ! ) vacation

5/28/06
I am going down the coast this weekend from LA to La Jolla via Laguna Beach, maybe even to Mexico, not sure yet ;-)
It has been so cold, but today its sunny, I hope the whether is going to be nice all weekend...I have this bikini I bought a few weeks ago that I haven't had a chance to wear yet !

I will be working for the hit TV show "THE CLOSER"

5/22/06
Today I had an Interview w/the director for "The Closer" (TNT)

And Yes!!!! Thank you~!
I BOOKED THE JOB !!!!!! LOVELY.

I will let you guys know how it goes, of course !
I am supposed to get killed in the episode.
And, Also,I am supposed to have a BIG wedding scene, as well. How fun !
I love my single life, and I never really wanted to be married, but I always wanted to be a bride, if you know what I mean ;-), so. Its cool that I get to play dress up to be a bride, and even have, a crew of professional stylist + hair and make-up!!!
I know, with all that help, I will make a beautiful bride, haha hehehee~!

It is soooooo exciting to work for the great show that I love to watch myself.

Do I have a little Fifi ??

5/19/06
When I tell people that I have a dog, they think I have a little Fifi on pink leash.

I actually have a big dog called Joey that's over 50lb.
Joey is a 10 year old Shar-pei. And he is a rescue who's one eye blind and has disease so he has to be on medication daily - for the rest of his life.

I was so arrogant that when I adopted him, I thought I "Saved" him and I "gave" him home... he was a sick old dog, who needed a home desperately, after all.

But he is a joy in my life and he sort of "saves" my life daily.
Just by being around him puts smile on my face.
It is very humbling to realize that maybe he rescued me.

I can't wait to show you guys his picture...
(yes, Jeremy the webmaster is making it possible for me to post pics along w/my blog, awesome! )

Why Warren Buffett?

5/17/06
In my last Blog,
I used Warren Buffett's quote.
and some of you might say,
"Why Warren Buffett?????"

Well he's someone I admire.
Some of you may know, but I have Passion for Stock market....Yes. PASSION !!!
so he's like my super hero.

I just love to follow the market like I follow my favorite sport team, if you know what I mean...

I must confess that I spend most of my free time flipping IBD and Financial Times and/or checking the market on line instead of flipping fashion and gossiop magazine and/or shoping on line.

Well I used to feel not so great about it, since I felt like I have nothing in common w/girls I meet, but well. So what.

THERE CAN'T BE TWO NIKOES !!!

Right? Mr. Buffett? ;-)

The quote of the day

5/17/06
There Can't Be two Yous
~ Warren Buffett

Brook Burns !!!!

5/16/06
Today I worked for the TV show Pepper Dennis. and I MUST SAY, Brook Burns is ABSOLUTLY beautiful !!
I didn't know she looked like this, from what I recall, she had long blonde hair but now its brunett and short....and OMG she looks so good, Better than ever.
Wait. No, she doesn't just look good, she is FLAWLESS ! No flaw. everything is so perfect, eyes, nose, chin, arms, legs, cheeks, EVERY WHERE,I just couldn't take my eyes off from her.

And you know, I work in the this business and I am, like, so used to seeing beautiful people,and I am telling you that she is super gorgeous.

I didn't even know it was Brook, till I heard her name.

9/11 NYC

5/14/06
Most people who checked my bio are surprised to find out that I was actually INSIDE of the World Trade Center Building on 9/11 and injured.

Well. I can write a book about what happened to me and people I knew on 9/11 and how it changed my life 360, good and bad, and so on, but, I have a limited space here, so I won't go there.

Sometimes, its annoying when people tells me I was very lucky that I am alive... and talk to me as if it was such a cool experience actually being in the tower that was hit by a plane and survived !!
As of today, I still wish I didnt go through what I went through, it doesn't matter that I am healthy and alive today. Going through what it went through was not easy at all... to the point there were times I wished I had died on 9/11.

So I guess I don't talk about it much, if not at all, even to very close people I speak to daily, or when I do talk about it, I do talk it very shortly and lightly, so there are no emotion attached to it, if you know what I mean... because I had decided to live my life smiling, not crying.
Time passes and life goes on no matter what, so its like if I got to live this life knowing that I am not the one who decide when it end and how it end, I should just enjoy and love my life...or its a waste of time living it unhappily for...God knows for how long ?!

Its all about perspective, what decides how we feel, right?

This is my New website Everyone !

5/14/06
Well, this is my new Website, my friend Makiko's husband (meaning he's my friend, too) Jeremy designed for me. Pretty cool, huh? It has Blog~!!! Thank you Jeremy ! Here I am. I don't know what I should write...and Jeremy is telling me to write something, and keep on writing. Okay.