abre los ojos.open your eyes.imulat ang iyong mga mata.

tired

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:42:00 +0000

i’m tired of wearing this mask. trying to fool whoever asks of my disposition.

if you’d ask why i have to do this, i would say straight to your face that i am doing this because i want to show them how strong i am. i want to tell you and them that i know how to handle myself, my issues, my problems.

i am doing this because i want to prove to you that i can be man enough to face the wrecking ball of depression and desolation that would crumble me to pieces. i want you to see how i’m keeping myself together. how i’m holding on to the people around me and myself.

i am on the verge of breaking down, i am at the point of turning into one depressed soul.

i’m tired, but i wanted to keep this within me. i have to.

iwkywimf. forever.

del.icio.us Tags: hurt,pain,depression,alone

you and me

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 17:00:00 +0000

your love is all i have.

it gives me the strength to face the storms.

it is the sun that radiates my universe.

it is the moon that guides me when i am bewildered by my fears.

it is the water that drenches the roots of my being.

it is the air that keeps the fire between us burning.

my love is your love.

my love is yours forever.

del.icio.us Tags: love,smiles,inspiration

emotionless

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 16:11:00 +0000

here i am, standing at my friends balcony, drinking vodka and smoking my nth cigarette. bitter, the cigarette tastes bitter.

i sit by the side and think of myself. blank. i can’t think of anything… they talked about their story for the short film project that they’ll be doing, and i never did go out to talk with them. i never had to share anything about the story of that short film, because i was not that important in that film. but i do know that i’ll have my own direction for this video for the official soundtrack of that film.

as i sat at the side, i thought about my reaction towards the things that are around me, i never had any reaction towards those things. i always had been quiet about issues, and probably that is why they never notice me. i never had been the outspoken kind of person, so my boyfriend thinks as i think of it myself.

i never had any reaction. i felt void. i felt emotionless.

i feel like i am becoming less human because i cannot express myself anymore. my boyfriend is so frigging tired of me being so quiet. he wants me to talk.

I WANT TO TALK.

i never wanted to disappoint him, on me being so quiet and so not reacting on the things happening around us, especially about us…

I AM EMOTIONLESS.

i never wanted to be like this. maybe i just do not want to associate myself with these issues that surround us, that surround my friends, that surround me.

it is wrong to be like this. i do want to express myself often, but i still feel so constricted. i feel caged up by these overlapping emotions that i am supposed to feel. i have had enough of being soft spoken. i hate being like that anymore.

i do not want to be EMOTIONLESS anymore. no more.

del.icio.us Tags: emotionless,alone,paranoid,self-pity

Wet Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 19:37:00 +0000

I don’t know if you’ve enjoyed your holidays, but mine was absolutely wet. Don’t get me wrong here, I enjoyed my Christmas day but, I never did expect my Christmas day to be like that – wet. though i really enjoy the chilly air that has been hurling around the town all day (no, make that all month long).

It was freezing up here at Tagaytay, I woke up really late – too late that I’ve missed most of the children that has been asking for “pamasko”. I love this weather when it’s all chilly and cold, longing for someone’s tight warm embraces; but all I’ve got is a hot mug of coco, sweater and some blankets (layers of it). It just seems so not fitting for the jolly, warm and fuzzy Christmas atmosphere. It is odd enough that I’ve spent my whole day sulking and watching Christmas marathon movies, and not go to my relatives to greet them a happy Christmas. Though, I did went to my aunt’s house to visit and socialize, and yeah, to see my first niece too. She’s adorable, she looks like my cousin Abby.

Speaking of my first niece, I didn’t expect, uh, I didn’t know that I have already got a godchild! I’ve absolutely forgotten about him! Oh, poor child, but I did give him some cash though. Him and his mother went here at home. I was so shocked when I saw him and his mother. I was so shy to approach them, really! Gawd, you just have no idea how burdening it is for me to have been missed the responsibilities of a good godparent. It is because I didn’t know! I thought that all of that god parenting thingy was a joke when my dad substituted for me during his baptism. I thought that it was my dad who is that godfather of that child but, it turned out that it was really me who is the godfather.

Jeez. I’m becoming insensitive. I’ve gone cold. I’m becoming the Grinch!

Oh the weather outside… It’s freezing, don’t bother to ask if I get all nippy here, yeah I do. I’m frozen here forever, I’m just waiting until the resuming of class in January, but until then, my mind and my body would remain as docile as the weather. Shoot! I’ve just remembered, I still have to do that script! Darn…

Great, this is just the greatest Christmas vacation, EVER!

del.icio.us Tags: Christmas2008

blocked

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 18:08:00 +0000

lately, i have been having trouble writing. you know the feeling of having so much thoughts of what to write, and suddenly when you face the monitor nothing comes out of your head? that, that’s what i have been experiencing lately. i do not want to have this kind of situation. is this some kind of a disease or something? i wouldn’t call it writer’s block – it’s too lame a word to call it that.

i do not want to have this kind of feeling right now. i have so much to do, so much stuff to write and i can’t let it out.

i have to write a script for this upcoming event for school. i have to write a prayer for the school administrators, for the foundation day and alumni homecoming. see, i have so much responsibilities to do.

i so hate this feeling right now.

The Need To Be Alone

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 16:07:00 +0000

They say that no man is an island, but I say that a man should at least know how to be alone.

A man should at least know how to separate himself from the world that he has been used to, perhaps to spend time alone - to think of himself, his problems and its resolutions, and on how he affects other people through his influence. A man needs to isolate himself from time to time, to concentrate.

As with what general psychology says, we need to be alone sometimes, and with his time being alone he can do introspection - a reflection of himself.

We all have friends to accompany us with our everyday life, but it is once that we ask for time for ourselves. Our friends should understand that we need to separate ourselves from them too, and this is a mature and healthy act of assessing one's social interaction with the environment that he has been living in. This would mean having and reassessing one's judgements towards other people, setting aside the views and opinions of friends. After coming to a realization towards something, we should then meet halfway with our friend's point of views. Our independent decisions are beneficial for our relationships with the people around us; having time to think about our issues with our peers, our relationship with our parents, our work or academic behavior and attitude, our relationship with our significant other - these are some of the things that we need to spend time with ourselves. We need reflection. Our judgements should not be hurried, we should give time for ourselves to think and decide.

I have been experiencing a dilemma. I have long been wanting to spend time with myself, to think and to muse about the things that have been going on with my life, with my relationships with my peers, my relationship with my parents and my relationship with myself.

I wanted to distance myself from my friends because I need to set my own opinion on the issues that have been going on with us, with other people. For once, I just wanted to think of myself. I didn't mean to be selfish or anything and I don't hate them either, I just need to have a break from them. I have been spending so much time being with them that I felt like being dazed with my own judgments and depend on how they would act, and I know that this is turning out to be unhealthy.

I wanted to fix my relationship with my parents too, they can't understand my hardships at school anymore. They always question me why I always come home late. The availability of my major subjects are only during the evening. I want to talk to them, I'm just setting myself to be in confrontation with them.

I am losing myself lately. I feel numb. I am void of emotions. No, I'm not really losing my emotions lately, it's just that I feel like not showing my emotions towards issues. I pity myself whenever my boyfriend and I talk about our relationship, whenever we have problems to resolve - it just seems that I am not showing my exact emotion for that situation, but I do have the empathy to understand my boyfriend and whatever situation that we have for that very moment. I am just not myself anymore.

I have lost myself from the rush of things during the previous activity that we have from our major subject last semester. So many things have passed and so many things have happened that I have lost track of everything - and that includes myself.

I haven't spent any time with myself lately. I have been used to being solo - with being solitary before I met my friends, just like how my boyfriend before. That is why I understand what he means that he wants to go solo again - to spend time with himself and his need to be alone.

This time, I would pause and think of the things that have been going on around me. I need time to be alone.

new semester, new life, new love...

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 23:06:00 +0000

Good day!

I am preparing myself for school as I'm writing this.

Today is the first day of the second semester in college.

I just miss blogging. I miss sharing my stories. I've had a very hectic schedule last semester, and I hope I'll be having another loaded semester now. Being busy is fun. It takes you away from unimportant worldly matters and focus on things at hand.

I already found him. ^_^ We're celebrating our first month on Wednesday, and I hope to celebrate our relationship for years to come. Details later.

The sun shines brightly today, I hope I'll have a very happy day (I know It'll be happy because I'm with him. Hehe.)

I'm living, loving and enjoying my life. I hope you do to, or try to at least be that. ^_^

Ciao! Later then...

A dream

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 06:34:00 +0000

I had a dream, it was about the man who saved me from danger.

There I was living in a strange city, in an apartment, and there I lived by myself.
I was wandering around the city and decided to pass by the apartment of a friend. But I seem to have lost my way around to my friend's house. There I was stuck in the outskirts of the city, where it has been rumored to have been guarded by a vicious panther. I didn't know what to do, I was lost! I am scared of the thought of being attacked by the panther.

I was about to turn around to look for another route, to escape that horrible part of the city, when a panther blocked my way. I yelled for help as loud as I could, I hoped that the people would hear me, but no one came. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a black racing car appeared. The car door opened and heard a voice saying, "get in, fast!" I hopped inside the car and shut the door, I stared at the window, looking at the mad panther that was about to attack me. I escaped.

I rested my head at the car seat, eager to see who have saved me from that danger, turned my head around to the driver and saw this guy. I sighed and blurted out, "what an angel." His face has this trace of innocence, yet attractive enough to stare at. His facial features were both soft and defined, like how angels are supposed to be. He was tall, well built and has skin as fair as snow.

Exhaustion overcame my senses, I wrapped my arms around him and felt his warmth; that made me relaxed and comforted. He responded by embracing me with his free arm as he continued driving. There I slept on his shoulders.

I woke up at his house, in his room. I looked for him and found him about to take a bath, I told him I had to go. He wanted me to stay, but I insisted that I had to hurry to meet up with a friend. He didn't say a word, he gave me a tight warm hug instead. I felt like melting from what he did.
He told me that his parents are up and I had to dodge them on my way out, he didn't want them to see me, he told me to go out of the house as quickly as I can; and so I did. I saw their helper, she was about to ask me who I was but I just ignored her. I passed by a mirror and saw that I was only wearing shirt and briefs! I heard his parents come out of the master bedroom, so I hurried my way out of their unit. I found a staircase and made my way up. I saw a small door and opened it, and to my surprise, it was my friend's house!
The End.

I don't want to sound so desperate but, I woke up sad after that dream. I was having another 'wishful thinking moment'. Is it wrong to hope for something like that to happen in real life? - to have a man save you from solitude, to love you truthfully and unconditionally? Sigh.

----------

this is my first ever post from my notebook. ^_^ hooray for me and my notebook. ^_^

if you were to describe happiness in one word how would you describe it?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 07:24:00 +0000

sunshine. happiness is like sunshine.

but what if it rained? then you wouldn't be happy then?

no. i'd still be happy, because behind that cloud of rain there is still sunshine.

happiness is sunshine. we should learn how to be resilient like sunshine-that despite heavy rains and storms, the sun will continuously emerge to give warmth to everything and everyone.

happiness is not just about contentment, or maybe it is. for resilience of the human spirit makes one optimistic, and this optimism creates contentment.

him

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:58:00 +0000

his menacing look were as cold as the arctic glaciers. his languid eyes were fixated on me, watching every twitch that my muscle makes. every move i make is scrutinized, every shadow that my body makes is observed.
i did not know how to react, on whether i should smile or retain a blank face - void of any emotions; i was frozen.
suddenly, i noticed his hand being craned by his arms.
laid flat on the table, and slowly, inch by inch his hands were slithering like a wild snake over the grasslands of satin tablecloth.

speak up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:37:00 +0000

we. by all means, should learn how to speak up.
we should be able to tell people how we feel towards something that we believe in. we must tell them, with conviction, how we view things. we should learn how to express ourselves - our opinions, our views, our sentiments. we shouldn't keep ourselves from telling them what we think. we are all entitled after all of freedom of speech. we should delimit ourselves from just agreeing with what other people think. we should have our own point-of-view. we should have a certain involvement towards something, no matter how big or how small an issue it is. after all, we cannot just keep our mouths shut all the time and just nod with everything that others say.
but whatever it is that we say, we must stand for it.

to YOU, i am waiting for your defense toward this horrid incident that we got both entangled in. i cannot just ignore you forever. please do speak up, and do not just blame me for causing you that burden, because, it was you who caused that in the first place. i need to hear from you. it is very bias if i and only i would defend anything.

i am just the bitter-est person you have ever read. cheers.

words.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 18:08:00 +0000

sometimes the things that we say mean nothing at all. like blank bullets on high caliber guns.
we say things that doesn't really mean anything, but if perceived by the listener, the words that we have said may mean indifferently. it is the listener that gives meaning to each of the words that the speaker says. if the speaker and the listener have the same semantics, then it would be easier for them to understand one another. this is how communication works, and communication is a very broad and complicated matter.

it is frustrating, both for the speaker and the listener if they cannot comprehend each other's words. one may mean a thing, and the other may perceive it differently. this may lead to misunderstanding and failure of good communication - miscommunication.

we have to choose our words wisely, though we can always fire blank bullets, we still have to choose each of the words that we would have to say. it is not irresponsibility, we just forget that sometimes the messages that we convey are either misinterpreted or misunderstood. we are but humans, and to err is a proof of being one.
there are no perfect words, there are no perfect language.

so why am i telling you all these? i don't know.
all i know is, i have this sudden urge to write and say stuff. this may have been probably a result of my overcrowded mind. i have to find an outlet, to let the clutter in my mind go. i have to keep more space in my mind, i have to let it become wide open. i have to think more of bright ideas and catchy concepts. i have to formulate questions.

words. my ways of expressing myself. through this, i can tell you that i am plainly bored. that i have become a stagnant being, imprisoned to the academical confines.
tell me, am i losing myself?

i am crazy. how can you be sure that i'm crazy? are you going to judge me based on this post to tell that i'm crazy. besides, how can you know if one is crazy and you are not. what if in my point-of-view, you are the crazy one and i am not? how do you define crazy?

words. are powerful. yet...
words. sometimes words are just mere words. you just give meaning to it.
words. you sensationalize it. you ignore it. you give attention to it. you read it. you define it.

nahihilo. nalilito.

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 16:27:00 +0000

isang maganda at bonggang-bonggang atake ng migraine ang gumising sa utak ko.

naisip ko, masyado akong nagpapakabusy at nagpapakapagod sa mga gawain sa iskwelahan. hindi ko na nabibigyang pansin ang panahon para sa aking sarilli.

ano nga ba'ng pinagkakaabalahan ko sa iskwelahan?
yung advertising principles and production subject ko lang naman, isa sa mga major subjects na kinukuha ko ngayong semestre. enjoy na enjoy ako masyado. lider-lideran ang role ko, pero hindi ko ginustong maging pinuno. wala lang magmamando ng grupo kung pare-pareho kaming tulala. kasama ko naman yung kaibigan ko sa grupo, kami yung nag-iinitiate ng mga ideya at mga konsepto. itinuturing ko namang lider ang lahat ng aking mga kagrupo.

napasama kasi kami sa top 12 sa nakaraang case nung prelims, bale pang-apat kami. kaya todo-todo ang preparasyon. pinepressure kami nung propesor namin, mataas ang expectations nya sa grupo namin.

pero may isyu sa likod ng lahat ng ito...

may mga bulong-bulungan na kaya lang daw kami nakasama (kasi halos lahat kaming magkakabarkada) sa top 12 ay dahil sa kakilala at kalapit namin yung propesor namin. MALI!
pero alam ng propesor namin ang isyung ito, naikwento kasi namin sa kanya. ang sabi lang nya, "may magagawa ba sila kung talaga namang magaling kayo? eh kung paborito ko kayo eh di dapat sunod-sunod kayo sa top 4. pero hindi eh."

naaapektuhan lang ako ng mga ganitong isyu. hindi naman namin ginusto ang ganun.
kapag papasok kami sa sillid, nananahimik ang lahat hanggang sa makaupo kami ng barkada ko. lalo na yung isang grupo dun na sobrang insecure ata sa amin. ganun na nga siguro, naiinsecure lang siguro sila. baka naman bitter lang sila. kung ano man yun, hayaan ko na lang.

isipin na lang namin na compliment yun, sabi nga yung isang kaibigan ko. ayaw lang namin talagang maapektuhan, kaya babaligtarin na lang namin ang pangkahulugan ng gusto nilang mangyari. mainggit sila kung maiinggit sila. basta ba malampasan nila ang kaya naming gawin.

hindi ako nagmamayabang o kung ano man. naiinis lang ako na hindi nila kayang lumaban ng patas, at kailangan pa nilang manghila pababa ng isang tao. ayoko talaga ng ganun.

kebskebs na lang siguro. keber.
ngiti na lang.

kailangan ko lang sigurong huminga. huminga ng sobrang lalim para mas maging maaliwalas ang buhay ko. pero papano ka ba naman makakahinga kung kokontrahin lang ng pag-ubo ang maayos kong pag-hinga? nakakainis kasi may ubo pa rin ako ngayon. nayayamot ako sa pabago-bagong klima. pero keri lang. hihinga pa rin ako. kailangan ko pa din ng kaunti pang espasyo para sa sarili ko.

ikaw? kumusta naman ang buhay mo?

argh

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 22:24:00 +0000

i effin hate it when you hear people declare themselves of something that they are not.
i get extremely pissed and intimidated by their audacity and arrogance.

"hey i'm sikat."
"hey i used to be this and that."

but yeah... hey, you know what? you're such a loser.

to smile without you

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 08:42:00 +0000

i leave upon you the shadow of our past
the unbearable baggage of infidelity
the shackles of regret that had kept me abound
i leave it upon you in exchange of my freedom

gone were the days of despair
gone were the days of distrust
for love had only remained only as a witness
to your secret rendezvous with materialism and lust

the unbroken agreement has been spoken
my universe will not revolve around you anymore
you will no longer give warmth to my frozen heart
and the sun will drift and nestle on a universe anew

until i no longer speak of your name
and i have no longer remembered the memories that we've built
for these are all burdens that had kept me coming back to you
i shall learn to smile without you

i shall swim against the currents of your being
i shall forget the taste of your sweetness
i shall embrace the cold and forget the warm arms that surround me
i shall hold my own hands in times of fright and not look for yours

i shall do all these for i have moved on.
for i have learned to smile without you.

ang propelya kong psycho

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 08:21:00 +0000

salamat kay Tina sa word na propelya.

ang gwapo kong propesor sa social psychology ay maikli ang pasensya. hindi bagay sa kanya ang maging propesor. sana naging sikolohistang klinikal na lamang siya.

nagalit kasi sya dun sa isa naming kaklase. tapos pinahiya nya pa.

he is obviously unprofessional when it comes to teaching, and it shows.
he should've talked to that classmate of ours after dismissal and not point fingers to tell the whole class that, "ang kapal kapal ng mukha mo!"

i don't really like him at all after what had happened.

halaga

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:16:00 +0000

aanhin ko ang kaligayahan kung wala namang pagmamahal?

nalaglag ang brip ko

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:46:00 +0000

ngarag akong pumasok sa eskwela ngayon. walang tulog at walang matinong kain. sumakit ang ulo ko, parang binibiyak ito sa gitna at wari bang sasabog ang utak ko. salamat sa prod namin kaya nagkakaganito kami, pero enjoy pa rin naman kahit papano. medyo sumasakit nga lang ang ulo namin ng dahil sa patayong kabaong na yan.

oh well papel. ayun nga, kumain muna kami pagkatapos nung essay namin. tutal, sobrang gutom na rin naman kami at medyo boring yung class na susunod - ang social psychology. ang boring kasi nung prof. lagi nga kaming nagpapalate dun kasi kumakain muna kami. wala po kasi kaming break kapag tth, tuloy-tuloy ang klase namin.

kaya dumeretso kami sa canteen, kumain ng sandamakmak na pagkain, kwentuhan ng saglit tapos diretso ng klase. isip-isip namin... "naku, eto na naman tayo sa boring na subject na ito..."

sumilip kami sa bintana, ibang prof yung nakita namin.
"dito ba tayo mga friends?"
"oo, dito tayo, ano ba. pero ba't iba yung prof?"

nahiya kaming pumasok sa aming silid. dali-daling umupo sa aming upuan at tumingala sa professor...

oh my god... ang gwapo-gwapo naman nitong prof natin mga friends...

"sir, kayo na po ba ang bago naming prof?"
"yes."
"sir... wag na kayo aalis ha..." sabay tawanan.

grabe, nalaglag talaga brip ng sangkabaklaan sa room kanina. pati mga babae sobrang laglag ang mga panga, halos sumayad na sa sahig. syempre, pati ako, instant crush ko na itong si sir. eh mas bata sa akin. at super may itsura sya ha.

ang saya, super landian galore kanina.
oh well, tuesday and thursday evenings will never be the same again. ^_^

meron lang betamax

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:46:00 +0000

sabi sa kanta ng sandwich na betamax.

natutuwa ako sa kantang yon. naaalala ko ang kahapon, nung musmos pa lamang ako't walang masyadong alam sa mundo kundi ang mag-laro. naging pamilyar sa akin sina pepe smith, si mike hanopol, ang vst, ang sampaguita, ang apo hiking society, si francis magalona, freddie aguilar at iba pang mga importanteng tao sa larangan ng musikang Pilipino.
kinakanta ko noon ang mga kanta nila nung bata pa ako. kahit na hindi ko masyadong iniintindi ang pangkahulugan ng mga letra sa kanilang musika ay natutunan ko itong sabayan. naalala ko nung isang beses na kinanta namin nung mga kalaro ko ang nosi ba lasi at laki sa layaw. nakakatuwang mga alaala.

gusto ko din yung bidyong ginawa nila para sa betamax. isa pa ding paalala ng kahapon. oo, nilaro namin nung mga kalaro ko yung ibang mga laro doon, maliban sa syato. hindi ako masyadong pamilyar doon. namimiss ko ang paglalaro ng piko, ng patintero, ng habulan taya, ng chinese garter, ng teks, ng holen, ng sipa, ng tago-taguan... nakakapanghinayang nga lang isipin na mangilan-ngilan na lang ang mga batang nakakaalam ng mga larong 'yon. dahil lahat sila ay nalunod na sa makabagong teknolohiya at makabagong pamumuhay.

mabalik tayo dun sa kanta... medyo nakikita nga lang ang pagiging third world ng Pilipinas. bakit? kasi nung panahong yun ng 'betamax' eh unti-unti nang nadedebelop ang internet mula sa telegraph ng amerika, at ang komunikasyon sa isa't-isa ay nagiging mas madali sa pamamagitan ng cellphone mula sa simpleng ideya ng telepono na ninakaw daw diumano ni Graham Bell kay Elisha Gray.

pero hindi naman talaga ito ang gustong ipahiwatig nung betamax. nais lamang nitong ipaabot sa lahat ang kahalagahan ng mga nag-ambag sa pag-angat ng orihinal na musikang Pilipino. isipin mo na lang kung gaano kahirap bumuo ng isang awitin na may orihinal na letra, kung gaano kahirap ipaabot ang iyong musika sa mga tumatangkilik nito sa kakaunting mga midyum ng pagbrodkast. tapos ngayon, kung kailan madali na ang pagsasalathala at pagbobrodkast ng kanta, ay sya namang unti-unting pagpatay ng orihinal na paggawa ng musika.

kailangan nating ipagpatuloy ang sinimulang legacy ng mga dakilang mang-aawit ng ating panahon. yakapin natin ang musika at pamumuhay na patuloy na humuhubog sa kultura nating mga Pilipino. huwag natin itong ibaon sa limot. tangkilikin ang musikang Pilipino.

ipagpatuloy ang daloy ng alon.
betamax ng sandwich

Betamax - Sandwich

power dressing!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:19:00 +0000

gustong-gusto ko ang pagsusuot ng damit na may dating (na may arrive!). sapagkat nakakapagpadagdag ito ng kumpiyansa sa aking sarili. kapag komportable ako sa suot kong damit, pinagagaan nito ang aking damdamin at pinagmumukha ako nitong tao! hahaha. biro lang.

pero mayroong kakaibang pakiramdam kapag nagsusuot ka ng damit na magmumukha kang authoritative, di bale kung pang-porma ito o yung pangkaraniwang uniporme (para sa mga estudyanteng may uniporme sa eskwela) na ginagamit natin sa pangaraw-araw.
sabi ko nga sa kaibigan kong si Sharon kanina eh bitchy-bitchyhan ako. i looked like some corporate bitch ready for some hot leather action! biro lang din. imaginin mo ang straight-cut, flat front pants, nice fitting white polo, black leather shoes, black faux leather bag, and shades na naglalakad sa kalagitnaan ng walkway ng eskwelahan pagkababa ng bus.

wari bang sinasabi ko na:
"tumabi kayong lahat... dadaan ang pinakahayop na tao sa balat ng lupa." (evil laugh and grin)

pero seryoso, mayroong uplifting na pakiramdam kapag nagsusuot ka ng malulupit na damit. kaya ang payo ko lang sa inyo, isuot nyo lamang ang mga damit na komportable sa inyo. kahit ito pa ang pinakasimpleng pares ng damit na mayroon ka, magmumukha kang maharlika sa pagdadala ng iyong sarili - dahil nga komportable ka sa kung anong nakapulupot sa katawan mo. haha. naniniwala kasi ako sa kasabihang less is more na inadopt ni Ludwig Mies Van Der Rohe (isa sa nagpasiklab ng minimalism sa arkitektura). hindi ko sinasabing kakaunti lamang na tela ang isuot, ang sinabi ko ay yung simple lang.

sidestory lang: medyo lumalala na ata ang pagkahumaling ko sa leather. basta may kung anong kapangyarihan ang leather na magpaligaya at magpasaya. hahaha. itinuturing ko nang boyfriend ang aking mga balat na sapatos, wallet, pati yung faux o synthetic leather kong bagelya (bag). kasi hindi nila ako iiwanan kahit ano pa man ang mangyari. (kakaibang diversion ito Gee).

natutuwa ako sa sinulat kong ito. napakagaan at napakamakasarili. hehe. pagbigyan nyo na muna ako ngayon.

masikip ang dibdib ko

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 17:22:00 +0000

bakit ganun? akala ko ba okay na ako.

tapos nung malaman ko na may mga lumiligaw na sa ex ko eh bigla akong may naramdamang mahapdi. selos ba yun? pero bakit? ibig sabihin ba nun eh hindi pa ako tuluyang nakakalimot sa kanya?

bigla na lang sumikip at sumakit ang dibdib ko nung sinabi nya yun.

nangyari na din 'tong ganitong pakiramdam nung nakita ko yung isang isa ko pang dati kong kasintahan na may kalandiang iba.

bakit ganun?

kalimutan ko na nga lang...

kalungkutan

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 26 May 2008 17:13:00 +0000

kalungkutan, bakit kailangan na ang kabaligtaran mo ay kasiyahan?
bakit kinakailangan na madilim at masalimuot ang pagkakalarawan sa iyo?

sa tuwing naaalala ko ang aking pag-iisa sa larangan ng pag-ibig ay dumadalaw ka. o kaya naman, kapag ako lang ang nandito sa bahay at nakatunganga ay bigla kang sumusulpot.

sa tuwing naglalakad ako sa ilalim ng itim na langit, sinasamahan mo ako't sinasabayan sa aking bawat paghakbang. at biglang papatak ang luha ng kalangitan, na wari ba'y nakikiramay sa ating dalawa. ilalabas ko naman ang payong ko't pasususukubin kita...

sa aking pagtulog sa gabi, tatayo ka sa may gilid ng aking kama. bago ko patayin ang ilaw ko'y tititigan mo ako't paluluhain. hihintayin mo ang aking pagtahan, ang aking pagtulog habang umiiyak ay hihintayin mo ng buong pasensya. tsaka ka lamang maglalaho kapag ako'y payapa na't mahimbing na natutulog sa aking kama.

lumilipas ang araw sa magkakasunod na mga gawaing nakasanayan, nagiging patay ang pakiramdam ngunit isa ang namumukod tanging natitira, ang kalungkutan.

tinatanggalan mo ng kinang ang aking mga matang husto kong pinasasaya ng dahil sa mababaw na kaligayahan. pinahihina mo ang mga malalakas na halakhak na nagmumula sa akin. pinababagal mo ang tibok ng aking puso. pinapapait mo ang aking pagkatao.

hinahayaan na lang kita. dahil alam kong minsan ka lamang naman nagiging laman ng aking pagkatao. minsan ka lamang magpapakasaya sa pananatili sa aking anino.
nasasa akin pa rin ang desisyon kung palalayasin kita o pananatilihin sa aking pagkatao.

ayokong manatili ka sa aking pagkatao. ayoko.

you're a prisoner

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sun, 25 May 2008 08:48:00 +0000

isn't it such a pity to see men being enslaved by sex?
it is these men that you'll find everywhere in the sleazy side of cyberspace.
you browse over their profile and all you can see is sex written all over it.
you don't always have to shout out to the whole world that you're horny.

i'm strongly against such display.
because sex is a private matter, and that nobody should kiss and tell.

it is a degradation of one's morality.

you can be sexual without posting such graphic display.
you can be sexual and subtle at the same time.

we are sexual beings.
but sometimes, we have to control ourselves, as to not get lost and be trapped in lust.

this joke is so wicked you'd be offended

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 May 2008 16:27:00 +0000

so when that joke about trisexual came...
"i'm trisexual, i would try anything sexual..." (sleazy i know!)

i thought, what about bisexuals?
"i'm bisexual, and i would buy anything sexual!" (that's sleaz-ier!)

i have nothing against bisexuals. i mean these guys go both ways, they do it with boys, they do it with girls. and that's how they are.

but when people pretend to be bisexuals to conceal themselves and lock themselves from the truth, then that's a different story.
these so-called 'bisexuals' are only interested with one thing... men. so, they shouldn't consider themselves bisexuals right? though they have this other consideration, a change of plan, when they get tired of being (rather playing) with men, they fly off to marry a woman. i find it really disturbing.
then there's this type of 'bisexual' who considers his past, past, past relationships with women. who now regularly dates men, and plans their future with them. still, they call themselves 'bisexuals'. odd.

whatever stupid movement this is in the Philippines, on replacing homosexuality with coining it or giving it an alias of bisexuality is preposterous. they may be the same, but they are entirely different.

these people who 'labels' themselves of such false sexual preference makes themselves look stupid.

te odio

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 19 May 2008 13:37:00 +0000

le odio.
para hacerme para sentir Está aquí.
para romper mi corazón y rasgarlo a pedazos de minuto.
le odio.