Everything Happened for Many Reasons

Charlie si jenius dungu

2012-01-23T02:40:00.000-08:00

Charlie Si Jenius Dungu by Daniel Keyes
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

*may contains a little spoiler on plot*

Ah finally. After a long struggle to finish this book, today it's done. Butuh 5 bulan cuma buat baca cerita "ringan" kayak gini LoL dude, I'm screwed.

Sekali lagi Daniel Keyes mampu menjabarkan pikiran dan perasaan seorang karakter yang memiliki masalah mental dengan sangat baik. Buku pertama yang gue baca dari Daniel Keyes itu 24 wajah Billy dan gue juga pada saat itu kagum dengan kemampuan Keys masuk ke kepala karakter utama bukunya. Mirip dengan penjabaran beberapa kepribadian dan perilaku satu orang karakter dalam buku 24 wajah Billy, Keyes berusaha melakukan hal yang sama dengan Charlie, si tokoh utama dalam buku ini.

Tentunya untuk menjelaskan secara singkat dan overt apa yang dipikirkan atau yang dirasakan seseorang adalah inti dalam dunia novel. Tapi coba kalau harus membayangkan apa yang dirasakan dan dipikirkan oleh seseorang yang memiliki mental retardasi. Ngga semudah membayangkan bahwa mereka sekedar seseorang yang memiliki tubuh orang dewasa dengan cara berpikir seperti anak kecil. Ada komplikasi antara tata berpikir yang dimiliki anak kecil dengan kondisi dimana Charlie harus berhadapan dengan situasi-situasi orang dewasa. Ngga cuma sampai disitu, Keyes harus membayangkan bagaimana kalau seseorang yang terlahir dengan gangguan mental retardasi tiba-tiba berubah menjadi seseorang yang sangat jenius. And Oh My God you will be surprised of how many things for a person with situation like that will struggle with problems. Anda mungkin akan berpikir, tentu saja, segala bentuk perubahan pasti menimbulkan masalah. Tapi Keyes bisa dengan tepat menjabarkan apa-apa saja dan dalam bentuk pemahaman yang mendalam apa yang terjadi di dalam pikiran Charlie maupun reaksi orang-orang sekitarnya. Misalnya tentang bagaimana perkembangan intelegensi Charlie yang cepat tetapi tidak dibarengi oleh perkembangan emosional yang setara ternyata menimbulkan masalah-masalah yang unik.

Salah satu masalah terbesar charlie adalah sifat sombongnya karena merasa memiliki banyak ilmu bahkan melebihi para profesor universitas yang telah mengenyam pendidikan bertahun-tahun. Karena itu pula Charlie sulit memiliiki teman setelah ia menjadi jenius. Charlie merasa tidak ada seorang pun yang mampu mengimbangi kecerdasannya sehinga ia cepat bosan dan orang-orang lain pun merasa tidak mampu memahami apa yang Charlie bicarakan, dan berbagai macam masalah lain yang umumnya mungkin tidak sempat terpikirkan oleh orang awam lebih jauh.

Daniel Keyes menulis buku ini dengan sudut pandang orang pertama. Khususnya dalam bentuk penulisan diary Charlie. Karena itu kita bisa melihat perkembangan perbendaharaan kata yang dimiliki Charlie. Namun sayangnya Keyes ngga mampu untuk menghindari kekurangan yang terjadi apabila menggunakan bentuk diary. Hal-hal seperti penulisan dialog yang terlampau detil terasa seperti bukan bentuk diary lagi, terutama ketika Charlie sudah bukan lagi seseorang dengan gangguan mental retardasi dan berubah menjadi seperti penulisan novel biasa dalam bentuk sudut pandang orang pertama. Satu lagi aspek yang kurang gue sukai, dan ini lebih ke taste pribadi, adalah ketika Charlie mulai menyelami perasaan cintanya ke wanita. I think the book would be far more better tanpa kisah cinta Charlie yang terkesan berlarut-larut dan dramatis tetapi cheesy apabila dibandingkan dengan permasalahan-permasalahan Charlie yang lain. Bagian yang khusus menceritakan hubungan percintaan Charlie sempet bikin gue bener-bener ilfil dan susah untuk tertarik melanjutkan membaca.

Kesan gue terhadap pribadi Charlie, mungkin bisa digambarkan seperti melihat kepribadian Dr. Jekyll dan Hyde. Ketika Charlie masih menjadi seseorang dengan mental retardasi, dirinya merupakan kepribadian yang sangat ramah, tulus dan menyenangkan. Namun ketika Charlie menjadi seorang jenius, dirinya berubah menjadi arogan, sangat judgemental dan menyebalkan. Tentunya penggambaran kedua kepribadian ini bukan sesuatu yang jelas hitam dan putih dimana tidak ada "sisa-sisa" kepribadian yang saling mempengaruhi. Disini salah satu letak kepiawaian Keys dalam bercerita. Kita akan dibuat tersenyum dan merasa sayang terhadap Charlie si bodoh dan sedikit kesal dengan Charlie si jenius. Lalu pada akhir cerita kita akan dibuat terenyuh oleh fakta yang harus dihadapi Charlie dan bagaimana dirinya dengan sekuat tenaga berusaha mempertahankan semua hal yang ia hargai.

Terlepas dengan konten buku, gue cukup terganggu dengan keputusan penerbit merubah judul asli buku ini menjadi Charlie si Jenius dungu. Kesannya seperti judul buku murahan. Menurut gue itu keputusan yang ngga bijaksana terlebih karena judul "Flower for Algernon" sendiri sudah dikenal luas di dunia penerbitan internasional karena mendapat penghargaan.

Buku ini sangat gue rekomendasikan bagi pembaca yang tertarik dengan hal-hal psikologis dan mengajak anda mengkhayalkan suatu keadaan yang bukan tidak mungkin bisa terjadi suatu saat di masa depan yang dekat.

View all my reviews

Bates Motel

2012-01-15T09:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm troubled. I got a racing mind behind walls of will. Trying to numb but ended in crippling. It burns in my chest like a ball of fire, but with no face, its nameless.

Energy? Passion? Rage? Where did they go? Can I have them back please...? I'll sell my soul for it. It's not worth living without. From time to time they're only borrowed. Occupying a vacant place. When did they become whores?

I'm not borderline, I'm just Indonesian

2012-01-14T02:10:00.000-08:00

Kalau ngeliat kelakuan orang Indonesia, mulai dari stand up comedy-nya, politisi, artis, sampai orang awam kebanyakan yang sering terlihat "asli"nya di akun twitter masing-masing, kayaknya karakteristik Gangguan Kepribadian Borderline di DSM perlu direvisi. Kasih notes dibawahnya: "Apabila individu berwarganegara dan lahir di Indonesia, harap diperiksa lebih lanjut karena sifat histrionik dan bipolar merupakan budaya yang diturunkan turun temurun" LoL

End of the year 2011 revelation

2011-12-22T13:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just have to deal with things by yourself coz no one really knows what's going on or what you're feeling except yourself. Sometimes it doesn't help to explain anyway coz people's head and emotions would always get in the way and blurred the fact, hence no more pure understanding and only pure judgements. Yea, there is no such thing as half judgements. It's either there or not. You have it or you loose it. Sometimes you just have to accept that people really are not in your situation. So they wouldnt know. So they wouldn't understand. The worst part? They can say whatever they want about your situation and even believe that they can do it any way better than you do.

You're alone

When you were born.

When you're dead.

And as long as you live.

Hundreds of words

2011-12-16T03:20:00.000-08:00

Hundreds of words, sentences, probably kept safely inside my brain right now. In a little spot on a particular place of my brain that’s been doing it’s job for 2 decades now. Stories about events, hopes, feelings, that I just think would be useless to care about. A soft spot if you wish to call it. Some people say its located in your heart, well let’s get real. Your heart can only pump bloods and oxygen with it all over your body. You can only have it in your brain. The mega processor and memories unit. Not completely safe from free association and not even the slightest hard to locate thou. Just one simple keyword and the feelings would rush down and destroy any barrier that seems to guard it firmly on its place from time to time. Makes me look like somekind of a freak with messed up control issue.

Don’t ask me. I am what I am and I will tell you everything when I feel I need to. I'm sorry for the hurt I cause because of my pride, but trust me that it can not be compared to what I've done to myself.

My family ladies and gentlement

2011-12-09T20:56:00.001-08:00

In the car. 11.30 AM. Roadtrip to Bandung.

Bro: I have friends that has about 50 years old parents too

Mom: oh really? Means they have older siblings too?

Bro: yep, as old as sis. About 26 or so.

Mom: yea, I was actually late in getting married. 26 years old myself at the time.

Dad: It's because your mom was waiting for the best

Mom: *mocking loud cough*

Me (to dad): If you're the best, I can't imagine if its any less better. *chuckles*

Bro (to dad): *laughed* even only one level under you.

LOLz and everyone in the car laughed. My family ladies and gentlemen XD sometimes it's so fucked up but sometimes it's cool we get around it and could still make jokes about what happened in the past. Not forgotten but I hope forgiven.

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Death is not a possibility

2011-12-09T19:16:00.001-08:00

Norman: Why would you cry for it? You have seen a glimps of the future and its awful.

Menoedh: Ofc I'd cry for it. But what you see in the future is only death. If people do that, they won't live.

Norman: Ha. You don't live anyway when all you do is crying for it.

Menoedh: You're exaggerating. I have the right to feel something about this.

Norman: A waste of time when you already know the future. Dragging it onn and onn..

Menoedh: You have no heart, you don't get to say anything about this

Norman: You have no brain, it is pointless to say anything about this

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8/12/2011

2011-12-08T00:36:00.001-08:00

HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO HAVE A HEALTHY PHYSIQUE IF YOU DON'T HAVE A HEALTHY MIND!? YOU DO KNOW YOUR BODY ALREADY WORK EXTRA TIME FIGHTING OFF DISEASES NOW THAT YOUR IMMUNITY DROPPING. I EXPECT MORE FROM YOU. BUT YOU'RE A DISSAPOINTMENT!

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You win or you die

2011-12-05T19:42:00.001-08:00

I'm a dead-beat loser then. Roaming around the earth like zombies or virus. Waiting for armageddon or cure to wipe me away.

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The pleading case of the accused

2011-12-05T03:41:00.001-08:00

It's not being an idiot and keep doing the same mistake repeatedly. Its doing the only thing that you know will always work.

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16 November 2011; 3:45 AM

2011-11-15T13:00:00.001-08:00

Haven't been sleeping well these couple of days. Constant headache and stiffness on my shoulder kept me from having a decent rest. I'd force myself to just close my eyes and lay on bed because there's nothing I can really do. It'll take a long horrible time to finally fell asleep because my body will eventually give in in tiredness. Then I'll have dreams which filled with anxiety themes. Dreams I could remember only a couple of seconds after I'm awake. Resulting in a very bad condition for my physic health or emotion stability the next day. I keep on feeling tired the whole day. Yawning every hour even when I was exercising! I'm easily irritated by things I shouldn't. In other time I just wouldn't feel anything at all. My chest is heavy that its making me hard to breath freely. I'm confused with what I feel or what I'm thinking. Want to cry but never have a reason to do it.

Strangely enough I wouldn't remember all this after days of experiencing this. As if the things that I felt at night never happened once the day is starting. Every minute seems just like a new chapter that will be erased and started on the next minute. I'm confused of who I am, what I do, what I want, where I am. But I know what I should do and it kept me from thinking and feeling freely. Everything is contradicting and my brain is shriveling. Working only for it's very simple function.

Is it weird to say that it's painful to not feel?

Tapi bukan aku by Kerispatih

2011-11-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

Seize the day by Avenged Sevenfold

2011-11-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

Empty by The Click five (Marissa and Ryan The O.C FanVid)

2011-11-02T23:44:00.000-07:00

Credit to ChiharuNYCT

Tears don't Fall by Bring Me The Horizon

2011-11-02T23:18:00.001-07:00

Part 1

2011-11-02T22:11:00.001-07:00

This is not even the part where I have to face it..

Ignore, ignore, ignore, distraction, ...

This is not the 5 steps of grieve. All I have is anger.

There is no right way to do it, there is no perfect time to do it, there is no right way to get through it.

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1-11-11

2011-11-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

The old fear and hate comes back with a vengeance. Seems like the old anchor's iron snapped off and let it free. "It's about time", he said. Head versus heart, the old nemesis. He looked down, leaving the deep water that once calmed him down, caught a glimpse of blood stain on his palms. It just never completely cleans, it seems. Only look more red than before, looking for a new victim.

Happy fucking halloween

2011-10-31T08:19:00.000-07:00

Background picture "Fallen Angel" by: Luis Royo

Beast's curse

2011-10-30T21:33:00.001-07:00

The end where I begin

2011-10-28T20:31:00.001-07:00

Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars wont ever fade, away

Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away

Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin

Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've she'd all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along [ X3 ]
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong

Sometimes tears say all
There is to say
Sometime your first
Scars don't ever fade, away

Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin

It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin

Sometimes we don't learn
From our mistakes
Sometimes we've no
Choice but to walk
Away, away

The End Where I Begin by The Script

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2011-10-26T00:58:00.001-07:00

I may be able to distract myself and closed all doors from things that could hurt me severely these days. But I can't stop the nausea feeling that creeping up in my throat.

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10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4....

2011-10-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hate loosing my cool. So stop pushing my temper button. Once it's pressed, the countdown started and it's only about time before the big boom.

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someone wake me up

2011-10-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

I guess when it's still the same story everytime you wake up, its reality

Even if it leads nowhere

2011-10-16T08:18:00.000-07:00

How many wolves had eaten my heart. Mended and broken. No more papers to fill. Another pin on my chest, showing ranks and scars.

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OS Octo

2011-10-16T08:11:00.001-07:00

I can't let it show..

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