In honor of the first college game playing tonight, I thought I’d post some football-related funnies to kick off the season right!

These are courtesy of Jeff:

This will be the new annual event in Tuscaloosa … Running of the Pachyderms

The new Alabama uniforms were recently revealed on the Nike website and covered in the news. Not to be out-done, Auburn tried vainly and in typical comical fashion to incorporate into their uniforms too.

These are courtesy of Vera:

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday and wear it to pick up trash on Monday.

How can you spot a Tennessee fan at a wedding?
Just look for the guy in the orange T-shirt.

What does the average Tennessee player get on his SAT’s?
Drool.

Why do Tennessee football players put their diplomas on the dashboard?
So they can park in a handicapped spot.

How does an Tennessee graduate spell ‘VICTORY’?
(It’s a trick question, we all know they can’t read!)

And I’m including this one again just because it still makes me giggle every time I watch.

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

One week from tomorrow is Alabama’s first game of the 2010 football season and I can’t wait! Are you excited?

Here’s a few goodies to ‘tide’ us over until next weekend, starting with this funny which has made its way to me via email, Facebook, and Twitter!

And as always, Bama Foundation provides us with a great hype video for the new year:

And let’s not forget these gems courtesy of the U of A Athletic Department!

And to any Bama fan who’s never been, I highly recommend visiting the Paul W. Bryant Museum.

And who can forget, our favorite taunt?

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

Baby’s First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

‘Breast-fed,’ she replied..

‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’

‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.’

Subject: Important Information from the CDC

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It’s pronounced “Gonna re-elect ‘em.”

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum. Many victims contracted it in 2008…but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It’s sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don’t engage in such behavior again; otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey, and apparently now Massachusetts, with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you really care about.

This funny is courtesy of Cookie:

There’s an old sea story about a ship’s Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, “Aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, “The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.” He continued, “Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now GET TO IT!”

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

Someone may come along and promise “Change”, but don’t count on things smelling any better.

This one is courtesy of my mother:

My Dogs

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, “Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare”. So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can’t speak English and have no damned clue who their daddies are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care, and also feel guilty because they are dogs.

So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks Friday. This is a great country.

And last but not least, the latest cartoon from Simon’s Cat:

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

This one is courtesy of Cookie:

And last but not least, this one I snagged from Jeff on Facebook:

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?”

The agent replies, “Just a minute … ”

“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.

You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?”

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane … only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night.”

This one is courtesy of Don:

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.’

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in.’

Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about? I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?’

‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair — no matter how big they are.’

And last but not least, this one is from Jerri:

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: “I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep. May I come with him tomorrow?”

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome ’s Tiber River called Teste.”

“Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.”

“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”

“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful!” exclaimed the woman, “Not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, He would personally greet me.”

“Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Oh, really! What’d he say?”

He said: “Who f*cked up your hair?”

This funny is courtesy of Jerri:

Truths For Mature Humans

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

And last but not least, this one is from Don:

The Hormone Guide

Women will understand this, men should memorize it! Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS	SAFER	SAFEST	ULTRA SAFE
What’s for dinner?	Can I help you with dinner?	Where would you like to go for dinner?	Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that?	You sure look good in brown!	WOW! Look at you!	Here, have some wine.
What are you so worked up about?	Could we be overreacting?	Here’s my paycheck.	Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that?	You know, there are a lot of apples left.	Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?	Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day?	I hope you didn’t over-do it today.	I’ve always loved you in that robe!	Here, have some wine.

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

You can’t fix stupid

My husband was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area once more, but the traffic camera again flashed.

He tried a fourth and fifth time with the same results and was now laughing as the camera flashed while he rolled past at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Nope, you can’t fix stupid.

My wife asked me, “How many women have you slept with?”

I proudly replied, “Only you, Darling. With all the others, I was awake.”

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM.

A preacher said, “Anyone with ’special needs’? Who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar.”

With that, Marvin got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, “Marvin, what do you want me to pray about for you?”

Marvin replied, “Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing.” The preacher put one finger of one hand in Marvin’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Marvin’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a “blue streak” for Marvin, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, “Marvin, how is your hearing now?”

Marvin answered, “I don’t know. It ain’t ’til Thursday.”

And here’s one of those moments when nature gets a little too “natural”:

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

Today’s edition starts off with this one courtesy of Steve:

Three women who had been traveling together were in an accident, and died. They found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter looked at them and said, “welcome to Heaven. You may go anywhere you like in Heaven and do whatever you want to do. However, no matter where you go, whatever you do, do NOT step on the ducks!”

Now this was going to be a problem, because there were ducks everywhere!

The three women were very careful where they stepped as they walked about Heaven. Then after about a month, the inevitable occurred and one of them stepped on a duck.

Immediately Saint Peter showed up, and with him was the ugliest man any of them had ever seen. “Because you stepped on a duck, you are to be chained to the ugliest man in all of Heaven for all eternity”. He slapped one end of the chain on the man’s wrist, and the other end on the wrist of the woman who had stepped on a duck.

The other two women were especially careful now. They didn’t want to be chained to an ugly man for all eternity. A good deal of time passed by, and one day the second woman stepped on a duck. Saint Peter arrived on the scene immediately, with a man in tow who was almost as ugly as the first. He gave the woman the same stern lecture, and she was chained to the ugliest man in Heaven for all eternity.

The third woman was determined that she was not going to suffer such a fate, so she was extremely careful everywhere she went. Then, one day, Saint Peter showed up with the most handsome man the woman had ever seen. This man was every woman’s ideal of what a handsome man should look like.

Saint Peter slapped the chain on the man’s wrist, and slapped the other end of the chain on the woman’s wrist and then went on his way.

The woman looked at the handsome man, smiled, batted her eyelashes and said, “I certainly don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this!”

The man replied, “Well, I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck”!

This one I may have shared before, but it’s an oldie but goodie:

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you; I’m doing community service this week.’ The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, ‘I can not accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And last but not least, this gem is from Jerri:

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways (& IN THE SNOW—even if they grew up in the deep South!) … yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3’s or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!

There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your “friends”. OH MY GOD!!! Think of the horror… not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent… you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

Also, we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside… you were doing chores!

And car seats – oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot gun” in the first place!

See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

Regards,

The Over 30 Crowd

How many of you are reading this while smiling and nodding?

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

THE GOLFING NUN

A nun walks into Mother Superior”s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”

“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”

“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”

“Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!”

“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”

“Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made.

And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted …and it hits a bird in mid-flight !”

“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”

“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”

“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother.

“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether it was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”

“So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother with a knowing smile.

“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

“You missed the f#$%ing putt, didn’t you?”

The Difference Between A Marine Officer And A Gunnery Sergeant (Gunny)

A young Marine officer was severely wounded in the head by a grenade, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears which were amputated. Since his hearing wasn’t impaired he remained in the Marine Corps. Many years later he eventually rose to the rank of major general. He was, however, very sensitive about his appearance. One day the general was interviewing three Marines, prospects for his headquarters staff.

The first was an aviator captain, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the general asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

The young officer answered, “Why, yes, Sir, I couldn’t help but notice that you have no ears.”

The general got very angry at his lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a logistics Lieutenant, and he was even better. The general then asked him the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

He replied sheepishly, “Well, Sir, you have no ears.”

The general, now really pissed, threw him out also.

The third interview was with a Marine gunnery sergeant, an infantryman and Staff NCO Gunnery Sergeant (Gunny). He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined. The general wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?”

To his surprise the Gunny said, “Yes, Sir, you wear contact lenses.”

The general was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant NCO, and he didn’t mention my ears. “And how do you know that I wear contacts?” the General asked.

“Well, Sir,” the gunny replied, “It’s pretty hard to wear glasses with no f#$%in’ ears.”

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

You know, as much as it pains me to agree with the man (nyerk!), he’s right. It’s that same indomitable spirit that the first American patriots had that I look for and am proud to see today. In my opinion, this is the best country to be living in today, and I am damned proud to call America my home and Americans my people. I’m thankful for all of you.

To those who care about liberty and our beautiful country and volunteer to serve, and accept the risks that accompany, thank you. To those who have served, and to those who have paid the ultimate price to protect the freedoms that me and my family enjoy, thank you. To those left behind by the ones who serve, the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, sons, daughters, … I admire your strength, thank you.

“Thank you” doesn’t seem like much, but what I have is yours — my thanks, my support, my celebration, my love. Let us all be thankful and rejoice. As John Adams wrote to his wife Abigail, “It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.”

I hope everyone has a great holiday. Have fun, stay safe, be well. You’ll hear from me again soon, but in the mean time …

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved

I love GEICO’s commercials, and besides, who doesn’t love Gunny? I know I do.

This is a post from Nicki Faulk’s Birthplace of the Process of Illogical Logic

Copyright © Nicki Faulk · All Rights Reserved