NOBODY LIKES ONIONS

NLO 922: Kit and Kaboodle

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 11:56:18 +0000

Patrick is back in the studio in Los Angeles, and D-Fritz is sitting in. Patrick wants people to go see Fritz at his new work at a restaurant, and tip him well. Patrick has a beef with a United Airlines flight attendant named Bruce. Patrick rants on England and Europe a bit more, with the aid of Fritz. Patrick also talks about some inside stories, like a recent issue with Adam and Eve and a few other things. Lots of funny laced throughout this show. Hope you enjoy it!

NLO 921: Inkey Jones Sucks

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 09:32:21 +0000

Patrick does a live show with Chris in London, from the Chip Chip Castle. Patrick is hard on Chris, but it’s out of love. That’s what he says. After yelling about money, Patrick talks about some recent travels, rants on how shitty everything in Europe is, and finally updates everyone on a man named Inkey Jones and what a fraud he is. We need your help to bring Inkey to the ground. Who will fight this fight with us? We will be back in the studio in Los Angeles next week. Thanks to all the fans in Europe who hung out this month!

NLO 920: Marathon – April 2013 – Pt. 6

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:46:19 +0000

We continue bringing you our Marathon Show from April 2013. This is part six of six. Enjoy Patrick, intern-of-the-day Roger, and a cast of callers, including Kyle from I Know What You Did Last Summer. Just kidding.It’s the I Just Had a Terrible Thought show. If you can call that piece of shit a show. Just kidding again. If this is your first time checking out the show, you may want to go back and listen to a non-marathon show! This one is kind of for the regulars only. If you are in London, there is still time to come out to our shows this weekend. Check out all the info on nlolive.com for details!

NLO 919: Marathon – April 2013 – Pt. 5

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 09:31:55 +0000

We continue bringing you our Marathon Show from April 2013. This is part five of six. Enjoy comedian Danny Lobell and his drunken antics, as well as the downfall of fan Collin as the alcohol and drugs become too much for him. If this is your first time checking out the show, you may want to go back and listen to a non-marathon show! This one is kind of for the regulars only. If you are in London, there is still time to come out to our shows this weekend. Check out all the info on nlolive.com for details!

NLO 918: Marathon – April 2013 – Pt. 4

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Fri, 31 May 2013 12:19:41 +0000

We continues bringing you our Marathon Show from April 2013. This is part four of six. Enjoy fan Collin and his girlfriend as they come in, and Collin gets blitzed out of his mind. If this is your first time checking out the show, you may want to go back and listen to a non-marathon show! This one is kind of for the regulars only. If you are in London, there is still time to come out to our shows this weekend. Check out all the info on nlolive.com for details!

NLO 917: Marathon – April 2013 – Pt. 3

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 28 May 2013 11:40:45 +0000

We continues bringing you our Marathon Show from April 2013. This is part three of six. Enjoy the antics of comedian Jake Lloyd. If this is your first time checking out the show, you may want to go back and listen to a non-marathon show! This one is kind of for the regulars only. If you are in London, there is still time to come out to our shows this weekend. Check out all the info on nlolive.com for details!

NLO 916: Marathon – April 2013 – Pt. 2

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 23 May 2013 08:23:00 +0000

We continues bringing you our Marathon Show from April 2013. This is part two of six. Enjoy the antics of comedian Flip Schultz, as well as the familiar lovability of Jake Lloyd. If this is your first time checking out the show, you may want to go back and listen to a non-marathon show! This one is kind of for the regulars only. If you are in London, there is still time to come out to our shows this weekend. Check out all the info on nlolive.com for details!

NLO 915: Marathon – April 2013 – Pt. 1

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 21 May 2013 08:18:06 +0000

Patrick is off to foggy London, and in the mean time we are bringing you our Marathon Show from April 2013. This first part features comedian Chris Millhouse. If this is your first time checking out the show, you may want to go back and listen to a non-marathon show! This one is kind of for the regulars only. Know what I mean, dad?

NLO 914: Girls and Google

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 16 May 2013 09:27:25 +0000

Patrick is solo for this show, because Cornell is a no-show. But Cornell calls in to talk a little about his experience in Indy and share with us why he isn’t in the studio. Patrick is upset at some lady from some reality TV show. He’s also mad at the sound guy in Indianapolis for being a complete idiot. And finally, he helps listeners out with some helpful advice on how to get your shit together in modern times, so you don’t get burned by all the futuristic acid rain. See you back in the studio in a month!

NLO 913: Changing Lanes

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 14 May 2013 13:57:55 +0000

Patrick is fresh back from Indianapolis and TONY GAUD is making his return to the show. We also have comedian GREG KASHMANIAN in the studio. Greg is feeling everything out. Patrick catches up with Tony while trying to breeze over some events of the past weekend. Patrick talks about his frustration with a couple of fans who don’t know how to behave around other people or at a show. Some people call in to talk about Indy while Patrick has to take an emergency bathroom break. This show really wanders around. Sorry. But it’s still a fun one.

NLO 912: Mudslide

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 09 May 2013 22:02:12 +0000

CORNELL REID is in studio, lookin’ fresher than fresh. Patrick and Cornell are mere hours from their flight to Indianapolis to do live shows, and Patrick still hasn’t packed anything. We talk about all the creeps coming out to the show, and some call in to confirm their creepiness. MC Buddas has apparently disappeared off the planet in spite of the fans calling him out. We watch a video of a crazy black guy that rescued a few white girls, and then marvel over the catchiness of some autotune videos. Snoop Lion is a giant turd.

NLO 911: How to Die on Mars

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 07 May 2013 17:20:31 +0000

D-Fritz is gracing the studio with his presence once more as Patrick gears up for loads of travel and upcoming live shows. With travel on the brain, we talk about a recent Boeing 747 crash video, and Patrick shares his obsessive insight into aviation. Patrick is upset because his chair is broken, and wants the fans to fund a replacement. Patrick discovers that Burger King is now delivering, but is then frothed that the burgers won’t be delivered in a Hummer full of bun warmers. We talk at length about the upcoming reality show that may follow civilians on their one-way trip to Mars, and why it’s both awesome and stupid. Call 9-1-1, ’cause it’s OVER!

NLO 910: Ram Sockwell

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sun, 05 May 2013 10:26:36 +0000

It’s just Patrick and D-Fritz in the studio today for a bit of an inside show. Tequila is flowing. It’s a Friday fun-for-all! D-Fritz doesn’t know about Sam Rockwell, and Patrick shits a brick. Chip Chip Chris calls in with the shows favorite new douche, Chip Chip Neil. Patrick is mad at Living Spaces again, and his feet are still being eaten by spiders in the night. Patrick talks a creepy new dating-type site where you can bang your Facebook friends. Cory calls in to bore the world with more dick news. Patrick talks about fans who come to live shows, and how to be responsible with the small amount of money you have.

NLO 909: Amazawn

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 02 May 2013 08:28:30 +0000

CORNELL REID is in the studio today, at full Mach 10 freshness. We talk a lot about our upcoming show in Indianapolis next week, as well as the events that will surround the trip. Patrick is also excited about heading off to London for a month to drive Chip Chip Chris nuts. There’s a gay NBA player now, and that’s sure to open the floodgates for other gay athletes. Cue all the “you throw like a girl” jokes. Patrick is having some kind of issue where he feels phantom spiders biting him. DirecTV has a new scam that may or may not cost customers more money. We talk about which Disney princess is the most likely to make a good girlfriend.

NLO 908: Hashtag Eyelashes

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 08:26:05 +0000

Patrick is joined by JAKE LLOYD in the studio today. Patrick has been instagram-ing. You should check out this picture of eyelashes on a car. Patrick teaches Jake why credit and bank accounts are important. Patrick has switched to an Android phone. We take a look at a video that makes a father of a Sandy Hook victim look fake. Patrick hates Criss Angel and wants to start doing magic. A caller calls in to remind Patrick about an idea he has for fixing society. Patrick has a new fancy haircut that he got from a fancy stylist. England sucked so bad, half of the people left. Teen boys want to kiss Patrick, and the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow is really a table saw.

NLO 907: A Real Boy

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 17:35:01 +0000

Can you believe that RYAN STOUT is here today? We can. Today, we talk about everything from fertilizer explosions to bombing a marathon. Sure, it’s getting old. But there’s just so much to discuss. A listener calls in to tell us the latest in her… or his life. We aren’t sure what’s going on. Patrick comes up with some more genius idea, Ryan Stout has had some unpleasant audience experiences he wants to rant about, and so much more.

NLO 905: Hugs and Kisses

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 08:52:09 +0000

The very lovely BETH STELLING is in studio today. Beth is known as Sweet Beth, because she is sweet. She’s nice to people. They appreciate her, and shower her with hundreds of birthday wishes. Patrick tries several times on this show to drag her in to the dark side of comedy, but she won’t have it. Topics discussed included the Olive Garden, babysitting, a creepy game show host, the Boston Marathon bombing, shooting guns, having sex on bicycles, Jamaica, seeing butts and so much more.

NLO 904: Boston Baked Bombs

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 02:35:06 +0000

AL JACKSON is NOT in the studio. Patrick does a short solo show. The NYC show is cancelled. Patrick is fed up with no-shows. We talk about the Boston bombings and how disappointing of a legacy this is going to be for some loser. Patrick reads a news story about a guy in a Home Depot near L.A. who goes crazy and saws off his own arms in the store. Now that’s how you leave a lasting impression. We will be back Wednesday with a full and normal show.

NLO 902: Storborks

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 05:28:48 +0000

Fan favorite JAKE LLOYD finally returns to the show! Callers are quick to bring back an old bit, and Jake couldn’t be happier. Patrick recounts a shitty car wash experience. Slowly. He reveals that his new date lives below his former friends, and it’s a little creepy. The sexy Olivia Wilde posters have finally arrived! For real. There’s some Josh talk too, and it’s not entirely positive. We cover a bad racial country song, made worse by LL Cool J. Then Patrick performs some of Hobeiche’s comedy. Plus so much more with Jake’s big return!

NLO 901: Clown Room

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 03:36:04 +0000

Comedians DANNY LOBELL and JOEY GAY are in the studio today. Patrick’s up to his balls in tech difficulties, everything is running late, and nothing ever works right. White people problems. Patrick talks about a pseudo-strip club called Jumbo’s Clown Room. Danny is all over the place, bouncing off the walls. There’s lots of logical talk and lots of nonsense. Patrick hasn’t started his taxes. PayPal is investigating someone in Georgia stealing thousands from the NLO account, and so much more.

NLO 900: Probiotics

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 06:54:50 +0000

Comedian ALLI BREEN is here to make her way through Patrick’s maze of madness once again. Some guy calls in with nothing. Patrick is on probiotics and tells everyone about them and what they do to your poop. Some idiot has driven his car in to a Wal-Mart in San Jose. Some DJ’s in Florida have been suspended for a stupid April Fool’s Day prank. Two fans are here, and they brought some strange liquors with them. Patrick is sleepy.

NLO 899: Ugly Monsters

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 08:57:39 +0000

RYAN DALTON is in studio, and he has Patrick in a froth. He’s all over the place, bouncing from topic to topic. We talk about a father who wins the lottery and decides child support is a thing he should fight not to pay. We talk about Patrick’s recent weekend in Phoenix, along with what’s wrong with Phoenix fans. Author and blogger Lance Manion calls in to promote National Have Sex with an Ugly Persion day, which is April 2. Patrick and Ryan challenge the reason and productivity of such a holiday, and so much more.

NLO 898: Crudimentary

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 04:48:22 +0000

Comedienne JC COCCOLI is in the studio today, and she’s just a ball of energy. JC’s apparently been getting molested by NLO fans via Twitter, and she has quite a bone to pick. She also gets harassed by men on the street, but doesn’t mind that as much. Patrick talks about some stupid parking garage attendants at Universal Studios, and a bitch on Facebook who really has it out for him. Patrick gives JC some advice on what car to buy. There’s loads of banter about all the big issues of the day, including of course gay marriage, wedges for shoes for little sluts, and more. Patrick finishes out the show big with his brand new character!

NLO 897: Reward Taco

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 05:29:25 +0000

CORNELL REID is here, along with returning fans Ben and Brendan. It’s a very rowdy show as the fans get too high to function like humans. Patrick explains why he is sleeping on an air mattress. He’s also getting super tan for the ladies, but destroyed a chair in the process. Between his car breaking down, and owing “all-of-it” money to the IRS, Patrick is not a happy boy. D-Fritz calls in drunk to berate the fans, and then they continue to knock studio shit over. Fan Allison also calls in to defend her fatness. Ben explains why he prefers the harsh touch of paper towels to wipe with, rather than normal toilet paper. Everybody wants to buy things from the Silk Road website, but no one has the balls to actually do it.

NLO 896: Cherry Johnson

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 01:11:05 +0000

AL JACKSON is in the studio today! Patrick is frothed at Direct TV, and is threatening to burn all bills and equipment. Patrick’s mood isn’t improved by Al’s drinking. The two bash each other quite heavily, as usual. There’s also talk about Shaq, late night talk shows, Blackberry vs iPhone, and getting stuck living in a place you hate. Al’s wife calls during the show, and the show starts to unravel at a rapid pace. Want to see how it ends? Join the OD for the full HD video!

NLO 895: Go Veg

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 06:28:28 +0000

Patrick does a solo show. The first part of this show was lost twice. It was kind of re-enacted. It’s whatever. A lot of inside talk on this show. Patrick explains why there haven’t been shows. His car is having an issue with the engine. Patrick is getting back on track after eating like crap for a couple days. Patrick talks about upcoming NLO events and happenings. Patrick talks about Cory and other fans that disappoint him. But he still loves them. This shouldn’t be your first show – you’ll never keep up!

NLO 893: Pope Party

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 16:40:47 +0000

Comedians DANNY LOBELL and ARI MANNIS are in the studio today. Somehow this show gets super deep – we discuss religion and gods. We dive in to theory, speculation and faith. Are people who believe in a god some kind of super-weak humans? Danny likes to go to Temple just to get free breakfasts. We take your calls on the subject. Patrick is thinking about going all-Bing with his search business. The NYC big soda ban has failed. Danny had about ten shots of Jack Daniels and things gets loose.

NLO 892: Life of Zzzz

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 06:41:29 +0000

Comedian DAVE WILLIAMSON is in the studio. Dave is married and doesn’t understand a lot of Patrick’s hypothesizing about women. Patrick has a new idea for an app that helps long lost couples find their way back to each other. So much app news. There’s a rant about women and how they’re always just messing everything up. Patrick is thinking about running for pope. There’s a local politician dropping off flyers with a picture of his retarded child. Patrick thinks he should maybe get a haircut, but maybe not. Linked In is buying all the spacecraft, maybe, and Patrick thinks Life of Pi sucks.

NLO 891: Going HAM

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 10:32:14 +0000

Comedian SAM TRIPOLI is back in studio for some Friday hoopla. Sam is super amped up, and it’s causing Patrick to get cappuccino frothed. In between his verbal abuse of Sam, Patrick raves about his new P-Melt app, and explains how it’s both awesome and broken. There’s more facebook drama discussed, and then Patrick reads some emails from jerks who think D-Fritz doesn’t know anything about health. He doesn’t. Patrick talks about how the show was recently featured in Time Out Los Angeles, and then Buddas calls in to do another stellar freestyle rap and never hang up ever.

NLO 890: Gleibed

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 04:38:42 +0000

Comedian BEN GLEIB is here, and boy is he full of stuff to plug. This is a super loose and fun show. Ben is fresh in from Chelsea Lately. We talk about Ben’s trek across America with a real Oscar, and discuss some current events. Ben is drinking. Patrick is thinking about taking over Dominos. He also maybe kind of has a baby in his toilet. A lot of people were talking about a lot of things. We need a new pope, some teenage pageant girl is really in to getting banged on film, and so much more.

NLO 889: Joystick

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 12:38:09 +0000

Comedians DWAYNE PERKINS and ALLI BREEN are in the studio. Patrick has received an interesting sex toy in the mail. Sure it was on his Amazon wishlist. Dwayne tells a story about an old lady stealing his sandwich in a Starbucks. Patrick believes you can pretty much get away with anything in life if you act like you’re supposed to be doing it. We also talk about comedy, morals, and much more. It’s a great show, but I don’t have to tell you. Aren’t you used to us pretty much ruling by now?

NLO 887: The 90 Day Rule

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 05:58:46 +0000

ESTER-KAY STEINBERG is here, and boy is that name Jewish. We talk a little about the Oscars, lots of inside stuff coming up for NLO and more. We dive in to dating, relationships and sex. Ester has a rule that if she really likes the guy, she makes him wait three months to have sex. Kind of. Sometimes. Well it’s not really a rule, but more like a filter for creeps. A fan calls in to be even more creepy, and Patrick talks about young girls and why they be so stupid.

NLO 886: Black Dumb (Teaser)

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 22:58:14 +0000

Comedian DIAZ MACKIE joins Patrick in studio today. The guys talk about the ins and outs of making black jokes, and Patrick talks about how he used to make black girls in high school laugh in order to survive. Everybody loves camel toe except for D-Fritz. Patrick leaks a crazy story that involves some facebook drama. Diaz tells his own crazy story about something that literally happened to him the night before involving Meixcans, knives, cops, and more. There’s a lot of talk about comedy and approaches to writing bits. We also find out that black people hate to put the “er” at the end of any word. If you want to hear this full show, please join the OVERDOSE!

NLO 885: Black Hawk Ops of Duty

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 07:15:55 +0000

The always-fresh CORNELL REID is in the studio today. We talk about our upcoming trip to Indianapolis. We talk about grapefruit and what’s wrong with them. We really drive in to fonts and talk about who needs fonts. We argue about Playstation 3 and Xbox 360. There’s a Facebook drama update. Patrick is getting pumped about the new PMELT app. Is Angelina Jolie over the hill? Or is she still hot? Patrick wants to take up electronic cigarettes, just for the nicotine. We also touch on hot sauce, MySpace, and Ray Charles.

NLO 884: Prolapsed

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 03:36:31 +0000

JOSH DENNY and Shooby are in the studio today. We’re talking about a new app Patrick is working on, updated on all the recent Facebook drama, and so much more. We watch a video of a woman who wants to be the fattest woman in the world. Some girl is rapping about Sandy Hook. Patrick is quitting drinking and drugs for good. Maybe not for good. Josh has people now. Shooby has teeth that seriously prohibit his ability to speak. And a DOOZY of an aftershow!

NLO 883: Asteroids and Idiots

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sat, 16 Feb 2013 19:14:14 +0000

Patrick is in the studio with D-Fritz to talk more about upcoming NLO activities and more. We talk more about some recent big news stories. Did you know we have a team of nerds in a closet somewhere that just tracks rocks in space that might hit us? And then did you know that one almost hit us on Friday? Did you also know that there are a group of people in Tampa that think they’re real comedians, but they’re just ignorant pieces of shit? No? Patrick will tell you all about it.

NLO 882: Dorner Party

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 07:30:03 +0000

Patrick returns from a hiatus from the internet with a power-packed show. Patrick talks about Chris Dorner, the ex-cop vigilante gunman that was on the loose in California. Patrick talks about some fans and a lot of Facebook drama, including a fan that got mad about his personal email being posted on the Facebook group. Patrick is stirring up shit with another Tampa-area “comedian” named Patrick who is an oblivious idiot. Patrick has a new song out in time for Valentine’s Day that you should definitely check out.

NLO 881: ComedyHaus

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 05 Feb 2013 22:19:21 +0000

Comedian Ryan Stout is here and Patrick is feeling nice and agressive at the same time. Patrick and Ryan talk about the Super Bowl. Patrick grilled and had a mini party for some friends. He can grill now so he is almost a man. Patrick talks to Ryan about his ComedyHaus documentary idea. Ryan seems to be on board. Patrick takes calls from fans, including a fan who “tricked” Patrick in to sending him a picture of his dick on SnapChat. It gets pretty sexy. Am I right, fellas?

NLO 880: Spin Daddy (Teaser)

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 07:14:01 +0000

Comedian JAYSON THIBAULT joins Patrick in studio today for a roller coaster of a show. There’s a lot of talk about jacking styles, podcasting comedians, porn stars and drug abuse. Patrick loves his new SnapChat app, even though he’s been getting mostly pictures of fan dick. D-Fritz may or may not get so high that he can’t function. For some reason Patrick yells about diamonds for way too long. Jayson tells a horrible story about a jizz omelette, and the guys also talk about some amazingly horrible MTV shows. The rest of the notes for this show are missing because D-Fritz was obliterated.

NLO 879: Fatfish

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:10:20 +0000

Patrick is in a great mood and FLIP SCHULTZ is here. Patrick is going crazy about the TV show Catfish, and has been tweeting about it. Flip is looking sharp as hell, and Patrick has had it up to his face with OD refunds. New policies are in place to prevent future frothing (or foaming). Patrick talks about some upcoming shows in the U.S., and Patrick and Flip discuss a possible month in Europe. Patrick thinks picking people up at the airport is common courtesy. Ron Jeremy may never be the same again.

NLO 878: Podcrash

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 09:05:57 +0000

Comedians CORNELL REID and SCOTT BOWSER are making the studio pop with flavor. Patrick is recovering from a night of drinking and debauchery in Hollywood the night before. The guys talk about everything from an app that lets you control how you send pics on your phone to Patrick’s new grill. Friday night was a blast involving fans disrupting another podcast for hours. Someone Patrick knows is in trouble for being a naughty boy. Bombs are common in London, vomiting isn’t fun, and no one likes a lot of blood. Enjoy!

NLO 876: Huge Downs

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 22:11:15 +0000

Comedian DAN GABRIEL is in the studio, looking as dapper as ever. It’s been awhile since Dan visited. We talk about a lot in this show, ranging from the serious to the silly. Patrick opens some mail from listeners, including an awesome new pencil drawing of Patrick as Napoleon. Patrick wonders where the Joker gets his makeup, we talk about gun control, and Dan tries to get Patrick in to yoga. Finally, Patrick has started Facebook trolling on the Tampa Bay Comedians group on Facebook. He loves it.

NLO 875: MLK Money

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 06:18:32 +0000

AL JACKSON is in the studio, looking fresher than ever on this MLK day. We talk about a hot new video dropping from a girl named Brooke Candy. If you don’t know her, you will. Al and Patrick get in to some real talk, as is always the case on the show. Patrick shows Al a video of Jamie Kennedy hosting an E3 press event, and it doesn’t go well. Al gets pissed and rants about it. Finally, the guys comment on how much of an ass you have to be to bungle an assassination attempt, as recently happened to a big-wig in Bulgaria. GPS devices don’t always work, women need to get jobs, and so much more, on this awesome show.

NLO 874: Undiagnosed Retard

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 19:51:51 +0000

TESS BARKER joins Patrick in studio today. Tess’s car was stolen, so she talks about her adventures busing it into the show. Patrick plays Tess his new song, The Matador, and she seems less than thrilled. There’s talk of movies, reality TV, retard types, the importance of dick size and Mike Tyson’s new one-man show. Tess met Quentin Tarantino, who she thinks might play a witch in an upcoming movie. Patrick discusses his rapidly decreasing tolerance for bullshit, and how much fun it is to burn bridges. Patrick also talks about the yacht he wants to rent in London, already crowned the USS Fuck Ship.

NLO 873: Salontrepreneur

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 16:16:38 +0000

KARL HESS and ROBERT DUCHAINE are in the studio today for the world-wide unveiling of the NLO Band’s first single, The Matador. The guys are disenfranchised with so much in life, including strip clubs, vitamins and the entertainment business. Everybody in the room thinks they made fun of 9/11 first. Things get a little heated when Patrick and Robert discuss about a certain comedian. Cory apparently only uses Patrick’s old Macbook to fingerblast herself, and then calls in to tell everyone how far she can squirt.

NLO 872: Nigela

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 22:20:57 +0000

JOSH DENNY and musician and fan Nigel are in the studio. Nigel shows us his new album and lets us listen to some of his latest songs. Nigel brought candy for Patrick. Josh eats it all. Patrick and Josh think it’s pretty awful, unless you like whistling and nonsense. His girlfriend calls in and we talk to her about her relationship with Nigel. Josh has pissed of a black female listener and caused her to quit the show. We try to talk about art, but it just comes out looking like we’re idiots. And we are.

NLO 870: Candy Lamb

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 21:52:09 +0000

Al Jackson is in studio, dressed like a sailor and doing what he does best – drinking and trash talking. Patrick is very consumed with his own eternal solitude and loneliness. Al makes things worse by constantly ripping on Patrick about his hipster shirt and Elroy Jetson hair. Patrick also seems a bit pre-occupied by the movie Django Unchained and random girls from reality TV shows. Max calls in to be drunk and retarded, and Danny Lobell rings Patrick on his cell. There’s lots more drinking and talking about race, horrible movies, the fall of MTV’s legit news coverage and blacks in McDonald’s commercials.

NLO 869: Kevin and Them

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 04:55:48 +0000

Comedian CORNELL REID is in the studio, looking as fresh as ever. Patrick talks about the new band he started, looking forward to London and more. Patrick is on the cusp of finishing the movie Django Unchained, and also can’t say Django without the D. Canadians want you to believe they are nice and they all make themselves feel better by buying coffee. Patrick plans the ultimate pool party for next summer, even though he doesn’t have a pool.

NLO 867: Her

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 21:04:10 +0000

JOSH DENNY is in the studio today for a real anger-fueled show. There’s a lot of yelling in this one. Patrick and Josh scream at each other for an uncomfortably long time over a semantic issue, which spirals into them personally attacking each other. Josh talks about his racist set at Flappers, and a certain girl from the show who bombed the same night. Patrick talks about going to a big important Hollywood party, and then name drops for ten minutes. Josh talks about not realizing the Microsoft Surface is shit, and how he really misses MySpace. Everybody eventually reunites in their mutual disdain for a guy who tweeted about quitting the Overdose.

NLO 866: Facebook Tits

me@patrickmelton.com (Patrick Melton) — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 04:54:15 +0000

Comedian JOEY GAY from Last Comic Standing joins Patrick and Josh Denny in the studio today. We talk about the end of the year, and the beginning of a new one. Patrick talks about sleep apnea and mattresses. Josh may or may not have erotic dreams about men, and also is not an elaborate Facebook trap engineer. Patrick talks about getting Twitter taunted, and Josh creeps everyone out with stories about a fat friend of his shitting himself silly. This is a fun one! The aftershow is stellar, too!