Robert Baer officially becomes a “friend of the show” with his second appearance. Baer’s first appearance was back in 2006. He recently released the book, The Devil We Know: Dealing with the New Iranian Superpower, about Iran’s unnoticed successes against the United States. Robert was formerly a CIA field officer assigned in the Middle East, and is now Time.com’s Intelligence columnist. Baer attended Culver Military Academy in Indiana, and graduated from Georgetown. Later, he entered the CIA’s Directorate of Operations and became a case officer. For the CIA, Robert was assigned to places such as New Delhi, Lebanon, Tajikistan, and Morocco. In 1997, he left the CIA and received the agency’s Career Intellligence Medal, and in 1998, he released the book, See No Evil: The True Story of a Ground Soldier in the CIA’s War on Terrorism, about his experiences. Now, Baer advocates the need for the CIA to increase Human Intelligence through the recruitment of agents and works on analyses of the Middle East based on his great background. In addition to his work for Time.com, Robert also contributes to Vanity Fair, The Wall Street Journal, and The Washington Post.

Fract: A change of plans? Born in Colorado, Baer originally wanted to become a professional skier.

Tuesday, March 16: Rebecca Skloot

Rebecca Skloot is the author of the book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, which was released in February of this year. Henrietta Lacks, known as “HeLa,” provided the first tissue that showed that human cells could survive in a lab. The tissue was then used for various breakthroughs in science, including the cure for polio. Skloot is a freelance science writer, contributing to The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, O: The Oprah Magazine, and New York magazine. Previously on the Board of Directors for the National Books Critics Circle, and also a member of the faculty of the University of Pittsburgh, Rebecca now teaches Creative Non-ficiton in the Masters of Fine Arts program at the University of Memphis, where she resides. Ms. Skloot also contributes to the blog, Culture Dish and the magazine Popular Science. She worked as a correspondent for NPR’s RadioLab and Nova Science Now on PBS. Her freelance work has led her to write articles on everything from goldfish surgery to the dog-eat-dog world of Manhattan.

Follow Rebecca on Twitter here.

Fract: Eclectic payment – Rebecca paid for all her degrees by working in emergency rooms, neurology labs, veterinary morgues and martini bars.

Wednesday, March 17: Neil Irvin Painter

Nell Irvin Painter is the author of the new book, The History of White People. She is a Professor Emerita of American History at Princeton University. Born in Texas, Painter went on to study at the University of Bordeaux in France and the University of Ghana before receiving her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of California at Berkeley, a Master’s from UCLA, and another Master’s as well as her Ph.D. from Harvard. Painter was previously the president of the Organization of American Historians and the Southern Historical Association too. She has written a handful of books and has appeared on television for interviews, such as a three-hour In Depth program for C-SPAN Book TV. Nell has continued her education too – she is currently studying for her Master’s in Fine Arts at the Rhode Island School of Design.

Fract: Stephen Colbert Day in Canada? Well, Ms. Painter also has a day named after her, but in Boston. Nell Irvin Painter Day was celebrated on October 4, 2007 in honor of her work.

Thursday, March 18: Mary Matalin

Mary Matalin is a political consultant married to another political consultant, James Carville. The only problem? Mary is Republican and James is a Democrat. The two co-wrote the book, All’s Fair: Love, War and Running for President, about their relationship and campaign life. Matalin attended Western Illinois University, and then went on to receive her Juris Doctor from Hofstra University. Previously, Mary worked as an assistant to George W. Bush and a counsler for Dick Cheney, as well as serving as Chief of Staff to the Republican National Convention chairman, Lee Atwater, during his tenure. She has worked as a host of Crossfire and had her own radio talk show, The Mary Matalin Show in the 90’s. She worked on the presidential campaign for Fred Thompson, and was the treasurer of the re-election committee for the Virginian senator, George Allen. Carville and Matalin have two daughters together, and they reside in New Orleans.

Fract: Early signs of success? Mary was voted Homecoming Queen in her junior year of high school.

Enjoy this week’s shows!

• Fantasy Colbert League: March 8-March 11
• Fantasy Colbert League: March 1-March 4
• Fantasy Colbert League: February 22-February 25
• Fantasy Colbert League: February 8-February 11

Episode Guides:

• Fantasy Colbert League Weekly
• Episode 6036 – Guest David Aaronovitch
• Episode 6035 – Guests Charlie Cook, Sean Carroll
• Episode 6034 – Guest Annie Leonard
• Episode 6033 – Guests Ezra Klein and Tom Hanks

No Fact Zone features:

• Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse
• Fangirl Suit Report

Stephen Colbert in the Zeitgeist:

• Stephen Colbert in the Zeitgeist, March 13, 2010
• A fun post-Oscar look back at nominees in interviews on TCR.
• The Vancouverage keeps on coming, with this outtake of Stephen singing “Rocky Road to Dublin” onstage at Ireland House.

We call it the Joy Machine:

• Keep the Olympic Spirit alive and you may win a Colbert Nation Speedskating cap!

• No related posts.

Last gasp from Vancouver

• In what I think might be the very last bit of news to come out of Stephen’s visit to Vancouver, True/Slant included this little tidbit in a round-up of celebrity sightings around the city: “Stephen Colbert enjoyed moule frites at Chambar Restaurant and also dinner at Yaletown’s Blue Water Cafe (where fellow diners sang along with the comedian to O Canada).”

TCR guests

• As I mentioned in the last zeitgeist, Colbert Report chaplain and three-time guest Father James Martin has a new book out, just released this past Tuesday. A couple of recent articles about Father Jim both mention his position as Colbert Report chaplain. From Time magazine: “Father Jim Martin did not seek the title of Stephen Colbert’s TV priest. All he was doing was waiting in the wings for his third appearance on the comedian’s show… Then the priest suddenly heard his host direct the audience to welcome “The Colbert Report chaplain.” “I remember being surprised and delighted,” says Martin.”
• And Irish American newspaper The Irish Echo has a nice profile of Father Jim that relates these thoughts on Stephen: “‘He’s a great guy,’ Martin said of host Stephen Colbert. ‘He’s Catholic, so that helps us get along. He’s extremely bright,’ he added. ‘So I know his character is going to ask me good questions.’”
• Last Wednesday’s TCR guest Sean Carroll has a blog post up at Discover describing his experience at the show. I love his comment that the questions were more subtle and sophisticated than he was anticipating. I guess you don’t expect that when you’ve been warned that you’ll be doing the interview with an “idiot.”

Hulu

• For those of you, like me, who are missing the Report on Hulu, the future is not entirely bleak. Viacom CEO Philippe Dauman, commenting at a media conference, stated that both TCR and TDS could return to Hulu if their business model changes. “On the current economic model for Hulu there’s just not much in it for us to continue at this time.” (via BusinessWeek)

Viacom vs. Google

• CNET has an update on the Viacom vs. Google copyright fight, with the judge in the case ordering the two companies to figure out which information is too sensitive to release to the public within ten days. The rest of the documents in the case will be available to the public. This could get very interesting as some of the information that might become public is whether or not YouTube employees or Viacom employees uploaded any videos themselves.

Hosting the Oscars

• I know Stephen often gets mentioned as someone who would be a good choice to host an awards show, and here Salon.com makes a case for him to host the Oscars: “Who else could fill [Hugh] Jackman’s shoes? Dare I suggest Stephen Colbert? Check out his Christmas special for some serious song-and-dance-man cred. Unlike Jon Stewart, Colbert has the ability to pull off postmodern humor in such a way that an older audience doesn’t notice he’s being postmodern.”

Picture of the day

• From Andrew Sullivan at The Atlantic, a picture with a caption that’ll make you smile: an Army chaplain at a combat outpost in southern Afghanistan, surrounded by darkness, reading I Am America (And So Can You!) by the light of his red-filtered head lamp.

(h/t Ms I, Jennie, and Katt)

• Stephen Colbert in the Zeitgeist – March 3, 2010
• Please don’t sue us – An open letter to Tony Fox, PR rep for Viacom
• Eye Candy: Stephen Colbert at Christ Child Society’s Great Gatsby Gala
• Olympic “Out”-take: Stephen Colbert at the Pride House

Monday, March 8th, 2010
Dark subtle striped suit with pale blue, French cuffed shirt with yellow (almost gold) patterned tie.

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010
Black suit with white, barrel cuffed shirt with maroon tie with a stripe of subtle purple

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
Gray suit with light blue, barrel cuffed shirt and dark blue large striped/ light blue and red narrow striped tie

Thursday, March 11th, 2010
Black Suit with white, barrel cuffed shirt with dark and light blue, broad striped tie

Extras:
Rare Standing Shots

And let us never forget the importance of the right accessories! In this case, his accessories are every flavor of Pringles.

• Fangirl Suit Report: Week of March 1st, 2010
• Because you know you’ve been singing this all day
• Fangirl Suit Report: Catching Up! – Week of January 11
• Fangirl Suit Report: Catching Up! – Week of January 4

Twitter how you are keeping the Olympics Spirit alive and tag it with #colberthat between now and March 16th and ONE lucky Twitterer will win an authentic Colbert Report Red Cap with the US SpeedSkating Logo on the back.

Good luck, Zoners!

• Comedy Central Vancouverage exclusive: Stephen Colbert sings “The Rocky Road to Dublin” on stage at Ireland House
• Fangirl Suit Report: Week of March 1st, 2010
• Great news – Viacom is not going to sue us!
• Six Degress: Post Vancouverage Blue’s Edition.

Welcome to No Fact Zone’s weekly roundup of cultural references on The Colbert Report. From Darcy to Danger Mouse, String Theory to Shakespeare, we’ve got the keys to this week’s obscure, oddball, and occasionally obscene cultural shout-outs (hey!).

Hey Zoners!  The week started off with a smile, when Stephen responded to Monday’s opening audience cheers by saying “Man, that has all the makings of a great tune.”  Which naturally ensured I’d be humming **”Stephen, Stephen” all week. Not a bad thing!  What were your favorite bits?  Post them in the comments!  (** = TCR/TDS link)

Note: There’s no Thursday segment in this week’s Apopcalypse because as you read this, I’m on a train headed to NYC, where I plan to visit grown-up museums, eat in grown-up restaurants, and oh yeah, on Monday I’ll attend my first taping of the show. Wahoo!

Monday:  Action Center – Healthcare  Bill & Tom Hanks

“Those bold words reminded me of when FDR told our troubled nation ‘We have nothing to fear but fear itself, unless, what do you guys think?’”

Timeless words from President Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s first inaugural speech, on 4 March 1933.  At the time, the nation was in the depths of the Great Depression, facing economic crisis and growing international uncertainty.  C-Span has great archival footage of FDR’s inauguration (for the quote referenced above, skip to 2:50).   Really, though, what was so bad about the Great Depression?  **As Stephen says, at least it was Great.  In the mood for more Roosevelts? Go watch **Stephen Settles the Debate: FDR vs. TR (presidential fancy boy pictures, rough riders, an FDR impersonation, and my favorite tie = win win win!).

“Just make me the evil Pope in your next Dan Brown movie.”

Author Dan Brown has made a career out of fashioning novels around mysteries and conspiracy theories about early Christianity and the Catholic Church.  His novels The Da Vinci Code and Angels & Demons have both been adapted into films starring Tom Hanks.  Stephen has had some success with Brown’s methodology, too, in his use of ** The DaColbert Code to predict Oscar winners.

“My Uncle Eddie… was in the 101st Airborne, he was in Fox Company. He was there from D-Day all the way to Berchtesgaden.”

That’s a pretty incredible family link to some of the biggest historical events of the 20th century.   A parachute division of the U.S. Army, the 101st Airborne trained at Currahee Mountain, Camp Toccoa, Georgia.  They first saw combat on D-Day, when they were airdropped behind German lines to secure targets behind Utah Beach in advance of the full invasion.  After devastating losses at Normandy, the 101st took part in the Battle of the Bulge, and ended the war tracking down Nazi leaders at Berchtesgaden, Hitler’s vacation retreat.

And for those of you who are curious about the series title, Band of Brothers comes from Shakespeare’s Henry V, in the King’s St. Crispin’s Day speech to his troops just before battle:

“And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,

From this day to the ending of the world,

But we in it shall be remembered-

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother”

More culture after the fold!

Tuesday: The Word – Define & Conquer & Annie Leonard

“No! We can’t lose Rush. If he leaves, who will make fun of people with Parkinson’s? When the rest of us do it, it seems kind of mean.”

Mental note: Don’t make fun of people with Parkinson’s.  Who says you can’t learn valuable things from TV?  Actor Michael J. Fox has suffered from Parkinson’s since 1991, and has since become a vocal advocate and supporter of research into its causes and treatments.  In 2006, when Fox recorded an ad promoting stem cell research, the ever-classy Limbaugh mocked his physical symptoms, jumping and twitching for the camera, calling the ad a shameless fakery.  Thank goodness **Stephen leaped to Rush’s defense.

“The nuclear option may not sound evil enough.” [I Hear The Name "Blackwater" Is Free]

After numerous allegations of corruption, weapons smuggling, and indiscriminate killing of civilians (as summarized in a previous Apopcalypse), “private security” firm Blackwater was unhappy with its image worldwide.  The solution? Rebranding!  (You thought I was going to say policy changes and improved training? Ha!)  Blackwater simply changed their name to the entirely indistinct and unmemorable “Xe Services”. Problem solved!

“Exactly. Getting and spending we increase our powers”

Ok, mark me as a poetry nerd, but I laughed pretty hard at this skillful misquote.  The referenced poem is “The World Is Too Much with Us”,  published in 1807 by Romantic poet William Wordsworth. Wordsworth’s sonnet decries the drive toward decadence and materialism which distances us from the natural world:  “The world is too much with us; late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers”

Wednesday:  Health Care Vote Information Nerve Center

Charlie Cook: “The last edition of Profiles in Courage has already gone to the printer.”

As a first term Senator from Massachusetts, John F. Kennedy collected stories about U.S. Senators who risked their political careers in the name of integrity, by crossing party lines or defying public opinion.  He published the stories (probably largely written by Kennedy speechwriter Ted Sorensen) in a 1955 biography called Profiles in Courage, which won a Pulitzer Prize, and established Kennedy as a viable contender for a later presidential bid.

• Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: March 1-4, 2010
• Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: February 8-11, 2010
• Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: February 1-4, 2010
• Four Horsemen of the Apopcalypse – Pop culture references in The Colbert Report: January 25-28, 2010

All of a sudden I’m craving a Ham and Cheese omelet and I don’t know why. I really enjoyed the interview with Scott Rasmussen and the discussion of how pundits take polls and churn them into the Circle of Meat. It’s the reporting analyst in me, I’m sure. The T-Pain singing was amusing, as always, and I enjoyed how Stephen tied the polling issue into a discussion about what those polls mean in regards to the health care bill being passed.

It’s been so very long since we had a Monkey on the Lam. But to have a drug addict monkey on the lam in drag made the wait worthwhile.

When I don’t quote any of the interview in the guide, it usually means one of three things. First, I slept late and just don’t have time to even watch the interview. Second, it bores me so much I totally tune out. Or, like in this case, #3, I’m enjoying it so much that I forget to type anything. I believe I’ve mentioned that I live about 10 blocks away from the Grassy Knoll here in Dallas, so it’s pretty much a requirement for me to be an aficionado of conspiracy theories. I love to read about them, hear about them, and see what other people actually believe about some of the biggest conspiracy theories out there. I like the concept that conspiracy theories are there to simplify what is often a very complex truth. I also love “Stephen’s” knowledge of some Weekly World News-style theories, like the Cuban Freemason mafia killed JFK so that they wouldn’t discover that Marilyn Monroe was Castro in drag. This, of course, made me think of the wonderful JFK story in “Strangers With Candy” and how Noblet said that Monroe gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it blew the back of his head off.

Go ahead and take this non-scientific poll, and let us know what you thought about the show in the comments!

• Hey Karl, are you feeling all right? Your eyes look a little glazed.
• It’s just like Pride and Prejudice, but even more prejudice.
• I’m telling you, this is a gripping who didn’t done it.
• This, in the biz, is called the Circle of Meat.
• I wanna buy you a drank. This is harder than it looks.
• Wow. Those numbers suggest that in terms of it being, health very much is. And only a very small percentage believe it not in terms of isness.
• Are those donut holes of idiocy in all polls?
• I love animals. They are the most important part of my favorite sandwiches.
• I’ll just have to add that to my list of reasons never go to Florida, right behind Parrotheads, cockroaches the size of your car, and the rhythm is gonna get me.
• Oh my God. He might not be a monkey at all. They may be hunting Iggy Pop.
• It won’t be long before this junkie money starts turning tricks for drug money. Don’t fall for this, guys. I’ve been burned before.
• Remember, Robert Pattinson also throws his feces.
• I don’t care that you just found a stash of Tommy guns, leave me alone!

• Episode 6035 (3/10/2010)
• Episode 6034 (3/9/2010)
• Episode 6033 (3/8/2010)
• Episode 6032 (3/4/2010)

Interesting new intro this morning, although I gotta say that the touch screen isn’t the same without a drawing of Snoopy. It was a good change of pace, though, a palette cleanser of sorts. I have to say, I don’t appreciate the fact that Eric Massa put the thought of my mind about himself naked in the shower with Rahm Emmanuel. *shudder* Also, while I was working on a screencap of this episode, I noticed there was a shot where Stephen’s face seemed to be overlayed over the Statue of Liberty behind him. It was one of those moments that made me seriously appreciate the new set.

When Stephen highlights the ridiculousness of commercials on Glenn Beck’s show, I often wonder, do these ads really work? Do Glenn Beck watchers actually believe this horse hockey? Would people actually pay $150 for seeds? And the reporting analyst in me loved the line about being scared from the graph with no data points done in Microsoft Paint. I actually own a book called How to Lie With Charts, and I’m pretty sure it’s required reading for all people in the graphics department at Fox News.

The interview with Sean Carroll was interesting mostly because it was quite interesting watching Stephen try to simultaneously grasp the concepts that Carroll was talking about while also making a funny quip about it.

Don’t forget to take the poll over at ColbertNation.com for tonight’s episode, and I look forward to hearing what you have to say in the comments!

• Fine, here are the dots. Let’s connect them. [I'M GAY]
• It’s like jazz, baby. It’s like the sense they don’t make.
• Folks, I hear the victim was literally asking for it.
• I’m going to grope you, but it’s not going to be sexual, it’s just going to be fun, okay?
• You can’t spell scare without care.
• So instead of blue dogs, they’re blue pussies?
• I’ve interviewed a few of them, I think they could.
• Oh my God! That chart with no numbers or data points is right! That green line is clearly being driven up by market forces, not just by some guy with Microsoft Paint.
• When the end time comes and you’re tilling the earth with a human femur while the sky is raining fire, you’re going to want a reliable supply of radicchio and mini-squash.
• Try to pass off hybrid seeds and you will be raped by a mole man.
• Next year?! This site was registered almost two years ago which means next year was last year. We’ve been dead for almost 2 1/2 months!
• I’ve got a question for you – why didn’t the movie “Benjamin Button” really work?
• In these other universes, is it possible that my show is on at 11:00 and Jon Stewart’s show is on at 11:30?

• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)
• Episode 6034 (3/9/2010)
• Episode 6033 (3/8/2010)
• Episode 6032 (3/4/2010)

Also, if you want to put it on your iPod or Zune (?!), Iazzy was kind enough to send us an MP3 of the song.

• Twitter it and Colbert will put a Cap on it!
• Daily Show Toss Recap – Klassic
• Great news – Viacom is not going to sue us!
• Because you know you’ve been singing this all day

First, I’d like to thank MsInterpreted for helping with the guide yesterday (and with a few power boosts for today’s episode as well). Secondly, I would like to say that it’s 6:30a and the full episode video is not up and I’m seriously missing Hulu right about now.

I’ve got the fever for the flavor of a new episode, Zoners! The ingredients in Taco Night Pringles? A thing of beauty. And while the news cycle is overrun with health care coverage, I’m so ready for something to be passed. I’m insured, and it still cost me $530 to get an MRI yesterday morning due to the deductible. And I’m seriously worried if they find they’re going to have to do surgery on my knee. Paying 30% of a buttload (plus the deductible) is still a buttload. *sigh* Can I please move to Canada long enough to get my knee fixed?

Nothing makes you realize how much stuff you have than moving. And after last month’s move, I realized that sweet baby Jesus, I have too much crap. I found it seriously ironic that she puts down watching TV on a television show. I do see her point though – too much time is wasted shopping and watching TV as opposed to reading, conversing, and generally being a sociable person. Even last night, I stayed home and watched “Lost” because I was just too worn out to go out with some friends. (But a Ben Linus episode?! Sign me up! Love him, LOVE him! So glad they didn’t kill him off. And that moment at the end where he says, with tears in his eyes, “He’s the only one who will have me”, I just wanted to pick him up and hug him, even if he has murdered pretty much everyone who’s ever died on the island. Also, Alex being his student in the Flash Sideways was total awesomesauce. So great to see Guyliner back, and seeing that Widmore is in fact, on his way. But I digress.)

Don’t forget to check out the movie The Story of Stuff, and let us know what you thought of it in the comments!

• I hope you already have sent back your previously recalled item, the Agribaby Cribside Mulcher.
• I know, I know — Taco Night! Which doesn’t just deliver the flavor of a taco, hell, even a taco can do that. These capture the whole Taco Night! It’s right here in the ingredients, see? It says, um: whey, vegetable solids, sunflower oil, opening the refrigerator and seeing there’s nothing else and deciding to make tacos even though you made them two nights ago, cheddar cheese, maltodextrin, salt, Alex tell your sister to come downstairs it’s taco night — what do you mean she’s at Brian’s house? — rice, flour, onion powder, no we can’t eat in front of the TV we’re gonna dine as a family, dried tomato, malic acid, fine — if you don’t want to eat what’s being served, everyone can fend for themselves and watch this family fall apart, but if anyone wants to join me, I’ll be in the dining room enjoying tacos, disodium phosphate, paprika extract, take off that sombrero Alex, I will not be mocked! Oh, and potatoes.
• No! We can’t lose Rush! If he leaves, who will make fun of people with Parkinson’s? When the rest of us do it, it seems kind of mean.
• Words have power, they can hit you like a fist. Especially if you write them on your fist.
• Hahah, she is great. [G-R-A-T-E]
• [Instead of "Offensive Stereotype," "The Situation"]
• It seems like people still like the idea of health care. And why not, health + care. Those are just two positive words jammed together. [Like Cheeseburger + Pringle]
• And couldn’t breathing just be “oxygen addiction?” [Or Restless Lung Syndrome]
• Now who wants the Democrats to pull a legislative gang bang so rubber gloved ass probers can keep you from going to heaven? You know what? We might need health care, because you people are sick.
• Though I’m not sure I trust a public official who has to cut people open to see that they have arms and legs.
• The red circle represents my unquestioning support for the troops, and the blue circle represents my universal condemnation of anything gay, including but not limited to boxer briefs, Jersey Boys, smart cars and baby carrots.
• Yeah, that’s better, I like lady boobs. They got those, whatchacallit, those niblets on the front.
• This can mean only one of two things. Either he believes that respecting the integrity of my fellow humans is more important than my safety, or the pope is hiding something.
• Maybe the Pope doesn’t want to be scanned because he’s a lady. Think about it – he never wears pants, he loves his Prada pumps, and I’ve never seen him with a girlfriend. And I gotta say, as a man, he’s kind of spooky. But as a woman, those are some smokey come-hither eyes.
• Look, I’m not saying I want to be eaten. I’m just saying it’s nice to be asked.
• Our diet has practically made us a new species – Hoho sapiens.
• You must be going “Whee, let’s have a depression!”
• Are you saying that my beanbag chair is …. gay?
• I hate to tell you this, but this book is stuff.

• Episode 6036 (3/11/2010)
• Episode 6035 (3/10/2010)
• Episode 6033 (3/8/2010)
• Episode 6032 (3/4/2010)