we become one

all over the world

2011-08-03T04:44:00.000-07:00

life is a dream; a different perspective.. a different reality. something from my journal-

"...I imagined myself as I am, a man spread shirtless on a cliff, chest up to the sun like some golden offering, and I imagined time was nothing, and my will (as calm as a breath) became me as I became as static as a stone, some intricate part of the landscape."

hairfall by our secret waterfall

opposite the waterfall. together they flow, and fall, and crash, and become

n, our child, & i. auckland, july '11.

desertlust

2011-07-17T05:05:00.000-07:00

desert night sky

I want to be on the road again, traveling inland, rolling through great clouds of red dust and sleeping beneath the stars, waking with the sun, swallowing up all the culture of this dry old country every day. I'm going on the road again, and I want you with me.

water ballet

2011-07-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

inside my baby's mama's belly my little baby is dancing happy, swirling about, growing each and every day and absorbing all of our endless and boundless love. we've taken our little boy or alba, whomever it may be, all over the world already, and we'll continue to do so, to teach our child everything we know so that he, or she, can teach other children and learn about the world. we're so blessed to have this opportunity to continue ourselves and our happinesses, and to multiply our blessings and happinesses with the birth of our child. there is so much good to come, and baby, we'll be waiting patiently for you, with all our warmth and love and family, all over the world. i'm so excited to welcome you to your playground.

my baby's beautiful mama, swimming in the italian sea. vernazza, june '11.

see mama n's announcement post: http://weliveyoung.blogspot.com/2011/07/that-bright-glow-of-new-life.html

departures

2011-05-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

belle on the train into the city

sommer at luna park

a ferry trip across sydney harbour

my lover by candlelight

over the past months since my last post, and before that, too, i've experienced a number of departures. through experiencing the intensity of a life without self, i have grown immensely in my knowledge of myself. with some of these experiences i have had to battle, hard, to "de-capsize" life as i felt it and tear whatever shred of happy advice i could from the negative hands of my captor-experience, while at other times all i knew was bliss. it's funny, when breathless, you thrash wildly towards whatever surface your mind desires; but when above air, with air, breathing is a background motion -- something you hardly ever think about or enjoy. over the past few months i've learnt the strange movements of this möbius-like equation, studied it's granular motions and most intrinsic details, and emerged brightly, enjoying both breathlessness and breathing. i hope you can all forgive me for disappearing elsewhere for so long.

i have folders and folders of images to release and now, with new perspective, i will begin once again.

m

brisbane floods

2011-01-13T07:24:00.000-08:00

townsville in the rain

recently, we traveled. from rainy townsville days (above), to blue helicopter-heavy brisbane skies (below)... and a lot of water. these quick snaps are the result of a short drive today to see what we could see. it wasn't much. a lot of roads are blocked off by either water or police, so moving about is very difficult at the moment. nirrimi and i are still attempting to make our way to toowoomba (to fulfill our original plan of seeing the other half of her family - the half i'm yet to meet)... but toowoomba was hit much worse than brisbane, and our ride there was canceled... so hopefully we still manage to get there. fingers crossed the sun shines hard.

the situation in queensland is much worse than these photos depict. people have died. this is all i've seen so far -- if i see anything else, i will record it.

a news helicopter thunders by the sky above

a man takes in the scene before him: a once busy intersection, now buried in water.

in brisbane, the low-lying suburban areas (such as the dip of a hill this house and the water-enveloped houses nearby were built on) were hit hard.

a lady waits with the only possessions she and her partner have left. the couple recently moved into their new home but, along with all of their new furniture, it is now submerged in floodwater.

two couples observe the quiet mass of disastrous floodwater.

a sports oval, engulfed by water.

you can help those affected by the flood by donating here: http://telethon.smartservice.qld.gov.au/

plastic flowers

2010-12-06T05:21:00.000-08:00

all year my sisters have been practicing for a dance concert. the day came, they rehearsed, the night came, they performed to a crowd of one-thousand. i disagree with a lot of what happens in these suburban dance studios. the make-up, the americana-drenched dance routines (what are we, the united states of ameristralia?), the 5 year olds in skimpy outfits performing to kesha's 'tik tok'.

but the most frightening thing was the 1000 strong crowd of parents, bright-eyed and smiling, happily clapping along to the sound and sight of their children losing their childhood. you see a crowd this large, happy in their mindlessness, and wonder: how the hell do i change something like this?

22.10.10

2010-10-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

photograph semi-unrelated. the hand of a young boy seeping through a wire fence. ali curung, NT.

as i write this i am standing by a computer terminal at perth international airport. backpack by my side like some small animal (and very near the size of a somewhat larger animal). cameras slung silent hum around my neck. my flight leaves in a few hours. one of many. to the point: this is just a quick little update to let you know i'll be in ----- for the next month or so. apologies for the online quiet in between - when i return you will see that i have been busy. stay well everybody, and share your well-being. -m

lawnfawn

2010-10-02T09:07:00.000-07:00

whispers

2010-10-01T14:17:00.000-07:00

lola

2010-09-29T16:01:00.000-07:00

new york city

2010-09-29T14:40:00.000-07:00

29.9.10

2010-09-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

new blog layout, new flight itinerary, and lots of new work on it's way!

toby, rest in peace

2010-09-24T04:15:00.000-07:00

as the last of the air left his lungs his legs galloped like they do when he dreams, so maybe that's where he's gone. into dreaming. away from pain. his arthritis was so bad he would collapse sometimes into his water bowl while drinking, and he had cancer in his mouth, and no control of his bowels, so seeing the blissful nothingness on his face as his head lulled onto my knee was reassuring

rest in peace toby, i will never share chocolate easter bunnies with any other animal

toby

1994 - 2010

a short shoot in sydney

2010-09-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

www.jakeliveshere.com

she is all i love

2010-08-31T03:42:00.000-07:00

there lives a girl with the sun inside her

the glowing humming sun and brightness

and she will carry my love for months

feeding it her love, filling the space with our love

(i trace with pen and fingertip

on my olive-skin waxen girl)

happy birthday, beautiful. all i want is us.

mess is just scattered beauty

2010-08-15T04:49:00.000-07:00

i close my eyes to all light and listen to the sounds

there is only darkness and a hushed whispering wind

the dull desperate thud of a heart beating dead alive

pulsing blood singing dulcet sea songs in my ear

and from inside, i hear old air pushing past dry flesh as i cough

a sick sound

i am new but broken since birth

and all mess is just scattered beauty, lost to itself

where sleeping dogs dream

2010-07-31T07:03:00.000-07:00

this town is haunted

everywhere i walk i see the shadows of starving dogs, the muted sound of laughter on a child's lips

everything has been licked by the tongue of insanity itself, and now the feeling moves within the flesh

of heartbeat or pulsing blood

2010-07-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

and i (we are alive)

ten thousand nights had swept over the body of my mother before i was born and slept my first night, feeling for the first time this dark and mysterious movement of sand trickling over my body. what a funny thing consciousness seems when coming from dreams. how bland it is; we either accept this bland living and attempt to redefine it as necessary, or we, and how hard this is to explain, try to turn our dreams eternal. the suicide of a dreamer is the slow death of a race, and as such the reincarnation of a dreamer into unconscious consciousness is much the same - and both are closer to death than life, regardless of heartbeat or pulsing blood.

so live in your imagination

hungry children

2010-07-12T05:04:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago i booked a one way ticket to the middle of australia. the real, raw outback. i organised casual work in a remote aboriginal community (with help from my nanna, who runs a health clinic there).
all i have is my camera, my thoughts, and compassion that runs deeper than any sense of self. this is a diary of my days here.

today i saw a trail of dog fetuses sunburnt and scattered across the road, tiny things that had no chance. i heard the sound of my nanna the nurse at the end of our hallway talking to a sobbing twelve year old who had just been raped. she was afraid that her foster mother (there are so many of them, they foster children for the money when they cannot even care for their own) would hit her for the bad talk it would bring. today i saw a baby sitting naked on the road, crying and covered in her own faeces and throw-up. the sad truth is that nothing will change, she will be like this in 10 years, 20 years, 30 and 40 years, but no longer; this is when they die. to be alive is the greatest pain and so survival is not something that is important to them. but more than that - it is something that is not readily available to them.

children who have not eaten for days

taken from the car as we drove by. children playing in dirty rainwater on the side of the road. my nanna (nurse) says next week these same children will be in her clinic with severe ear infections. but they don't care - heavy rain is a once in a lifetime event and so they enjoy it as fully as they can. without happiness, what else is there?

sunset. a young girl feels the wind sail by the car window

tonight i disappear

2010-07-04T04:40:00.000-07:00

when i fell asleep i fell asleep into the sand and the sand swallowed me up and sank me down and everything was scratchy on my skin

and i fell

and fell

fell

and found

freckles of soil, a shy sun; gently now, we are floating

yuli sato

tonight i disappear. i am exploring the nowhere land. when i return my skin will be sand and it will move slow, and calm, and i will float across heaven seeping night skies and sink into warm sound and flowing blue.

please remember that everything is beautiful

there is only one girl for me

2010-07-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

CYOA

2010-06-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

today i deleted my facebook and twitter accounts. simple things and a simple act but addiction is a complex beast and the effect deleting the two has had on me is wonderful. i will still be updating this blog regularly (i will have a camera soon, something i've been without for a very long time), so make sure you subscribe.

also, follow me on tumblr for other updates:

http://mattcaplin.tumblr.com

stay well my friends, i will leave you with something a new friend wrote to me

"I happen upon a point of no return and welcome it - for no return means no options, and options are something I have had too many."

children eat monsters

2010-06-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

1. ashlin / 2. ashlin's hair being done by nirrimi for filming / 3. nirrimi spinning ashlin / 4. children eat monsters

it exists as sound and memory

2010-05-18T04:49:00.000-07:00

we are nestled leaves and us - soft silence hidden by trees and nearby river, or tip-toed stream through lush valley where thigh-high green grass grows and grows and traces the cracked dry ravines of our skin.

of water and touch

2010-05-18T02:58:00.000-07:00

the world is quiet here
there are only days between
us, and dipping feet
and fingers into cold water