Nonsense At Work

#563: Fired for producing little bright sparks

Chief Nonsense Officer — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 11:27:03 +0000

I love being a man in America. It’s pretty cool being a person in America, but it is so much better being a man.

Consider this modern-day example. If you are a woman and pregnant, you may not be discriminated against, but you may get fired. Hey, it’s perfectly legal. You see, pregnancy is not a disability! You may not be fired for having a disability, but you may be fired for having a baby.

Here’s the amusing bit. The same bright sparks who make this law legal are the same bright sparks who tell us that this country’s future depends on women producing little bright sparks.

There is something really funny in penalizing someone for producing what so obviously is the future of this country. Funny peculiar, not funny ha-ha. Very peculiar how these men stay in power now that women have the vote.

Here’s hoping that your boss knows the law is an ass.

You can also listen here to the radio version of Fired for producing little bright sparks (10 most recent radio files)

#562: Keep your shoes on

Chief Nonsense Officer — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:00:19 +0000

We keep hearing ridiculous statements from so-called leaders about how they feel our pain. And that they know where we’ve gone wrong and how we should now behave.

Nice of them, to be sure. And annoying because they don’t really know, do they? So we’re tempted to say, please don’t judge others until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That’s what we think is a good way to develop empathy, to gain a different insight – walk a mile in their shoes.

Well, it’s not that simple. What exactly would you feel if you put your feet into someone else’s shoes? You would be so distracted by the alien shoes, so uncomfortable, that you would not spare a thought for the owner, only for your poor feet. And forget about walking that mile.

So my advice to wannabe leaders is this. You don’t understand my pain. Please keep your advice and stay in your own shoes.

Listen to the radio version of Keep your shoes on (10 most recent radio files)

#561: The ring tone of success

Chief Nonsense Officer — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 11:01:43 +0000

Years ago, before caller ID and cell phones, I met with a manager when his office telephone rang. He ignored it. Being polite, I suggested that he answer it. “No”, he said, “You took the trouble to come to me. This caller can wait or also make the effort to come to me.”

Recently I attended a meeting as an outside adviser. A cell phone rang. The meeting faltered as almost everyone grabbed at a cell phone. I looked at the CEO. He shrugged.

These anecdotes highlight the meaning of ‘important’. The manager in the first story knew that if the call was important, the caller would find a way through. The participants in the second story knew that the CEO was not important. No wonder their company was already in trouble.

So, the next time you tolerate cell phone interruptions in your meeting, acknowledge what it reveals about your importance, your power and your future success.

Listen on the CNO’s website to the radio version of The ring tone of success (10 most recent radio files)

#560: Axing your relative results

Chief Nonsense Officer — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:23:05 +0000

Albert Einstein was wrong at least once. He said that people love chopping wood because in this activity one immediately sees results.

Well, I chopped wood recently. I swung my axe again and again, yet the immediate results that Einstein promised me were not to be seen. Results were relatively slow (Ouch! Sorry about that) in coming.

I wanted badly to blame my axe but the ghost of my father watched over me. He had taught me much about woodwork and, of course, something about a bad workman blames his tools.

As I tended to my blisters I remembered something I read recently: Give an industrious programmer a 10-year old computer, and she will get much more done with it than a lazy programmer with the latest and greatest technology.

Yes! Relatively speaking (ahem!), real results still hinge on aptitude and attitude.

Listen on the CNO’s website to the radio version of Axing your relative results (10 most recent radio files)

#559: Get yourself new people

Chief Nonsense Officer — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:11:47 +0000

Here’s a lesson for any limping leader, one from a Mister Vladimir Lenin. That’s the one, the guy who led the Russian Revolution of 1917.

Oh, come on, people! I know he was a Marxist and a communist, but a good lesson is a worthy lesson. Don’t discriminate your learning. That’s taking political correctness too far.

Here’s the lesson. At the start of the Big Revolution that was supposed to propel him into real power, Mister Lenin realized that his Communist Party was not going to win. The people had lost confidence in him and the party. So what did Mister Lenin suggest? In his own words, sort of: “It will be necessary to get a new people.”

Hang on, I’ve just realized something. Our capitalist business leaders have been doing this for ages – finding themselves new people when the old ones don’t work well any more. And now our politicians are doing it.

Oh, boy!

Listen on the CNO’s website to the radio version of Get yourself new people (10 most recent radio files)

#558: Re-invent forward, not backward

Chief Nonsense Officer — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 12:17:15 +0000

Here’s what I dislike about the movie industry. Their ability to shout ‘cut!’ to re-do the scene or the script. I’m jealous of that.

Imagine having the power to shout ‘cut!’ to re-do until you get it right. That’s the way to deal with your miss-takes. Did you catch that? Miss takes.

Well, in real life, you mostly have only one take, to get it right. When you miss take, the trick becomes one of how to re-write your story from this point forward.

I wish someone would tell that to this current crop of callous politicians. Re-invent your story forward, not backward. Any fool can rewrite history and only fools will believe him, which is why I’m not jealous of that skill.

How do you create a new story starting now? That takes real skill. It’s called living, not play acting. Why is this so unpopular? Because you must take responsibility for the outcomes.

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Listen to the radio version of Re-invent forward, not backward (10 most recent radio files)

#557: On setting nonsense goals

Chief Nonsense Officer — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:14:46 +0000

When setting goals, be clear and specific. Obvious, isn’t it? Maybe not. Have you seen that ridiculous sticker on the back of big trucks? You know the one. “Safety is my goal.”

For Pete’s sake, if safety is your goal, then stay home. Goal achieved. Simple.

No, sir, Mister Trucker, your goal is to deliver your cargo. How you do so is another matter.

And how you do things does matter. The more your people understand ‘the way we do things around here’, the less direct supervision they need.

‘The way we do things’ should help people ‘get it’ so that they can get on with it. And in your absence, it should help them deal appropriately with unexpected nonsense.

But make sure that The Way never becomes ‘but we’ve always done it this way’, because then you’ve stopped learning. And once learning stops, safety as a goal begins to make sense.

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Listen to the radio version of On setting nonsense goals (10 most recent radio files)

#556: Tell yourself where to go

Chief Nonsense Officer — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 11:32:43 +0000

Consider this truism: If you don’t know where you’re going, any path will take you there. Well, our modern reliance on GPS and other internet mapping resources have highlighted something that should be equally obvious. If you don’t know where you are, then it is impossible to map a path to somewhere specific.

Think about it. No on-line map can give you directions unless you know where you are. We understand this, don’t we? Then why do so many of us plan our future and our goals without first being clear on where we are today?

Maybe because we have no easy way to describe where we are. Try this – tell your story.

Here’s why it works. To tell it, you must organize your thoughts. In telling it, you will remember what you have already achieved. Best of all, you will realize that you are still writing it, that you are creating your destination today.

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Listen to the radio version of Tell yourself where to go (10 most recent radio files)

#555: Weave with purpose

Chief Nonsense Officer — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:09:34 +0000

Have you ever watched a drunk staggering home?

Well, I once watched something similar – a guy with a metal detector combing an early morning beach. I was standing on a balcony which gave me a bird’s eye view of his progress. As I watched I realized something interesting.

Have you ever watched a guy working a metal detector? And have you watched a drunk working a side-walk? Did you notice something interesting? Correct! Both weave, but one zigzags all over the place, while the other one weaves with purpose.

That’s exactly the strategy you should adopt this year – weave with purpose.

Many organizations are punch drunk, zigzagging and stumbling about. The risk is that they will seek stability by developing rigid plans with inflexible strategies. But things are simply too uncertain for that to work.

Better for you to be clear on the outcome you want . . . and then to weave with purpose.

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Listen to the radio version of Weave with purpose (10 most recent radio files)

#554: Give in now or be exhausted

Chief Nonsense Officer — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:38:16 +0000

We are mid-way through January and I’ve finally figured out my strategy for the year.

You might believe that life is a constant struggle, but I commit to success through the Easy Way. Like a river flowing downhill to the sea.

Have you swum across a river? The inexperienced river-crosser aims at a point directly across and struggles against the current. The experienced swimmer merely aims to get across and flows with the current to the other side.

If you aim at a specific spot, then you must ‘tame’ the river. But if you merely aim to cross over, then you can ride the current across and walk to the desired spot.

About midway across the inexperienced river-crosser will find that his struggle has exhausted him. Now he must choose: a final fight against the current or give in to its flow.

Me? I’m giving in now, going with the flow, so I won’t be exhausted by June.

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Listen to the radio version of Give in now or be exhausted (10 most recent radio files)