Noozio.com - Website Updates

Why did the snail cross the road?

2008-01-15T20:21:00.004-06:00

I wish I knew!

The Nagging Wife!

2008-01-15T16:49:00.000-06:00

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing.

One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"

Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale!?'"

Tetris with Real People

2008-01-14T08:29:00.001-06:00

I'm sure that they did that just by using several shot and compiling it into a movie - but it is still neat. The music cracks and sound effects me up - brings back memories!

My Living Will

2008-01-11T07:45:00.000-06:00

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.' She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.

Man Class

2008-01-11T07:15:00.000-06:00

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants. The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step-by-step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE - DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS - DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS - BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT
Learning how to live with being wrong all the time

Paper Airplane Flight in New York City

2008-01-09T18:08:00.000-06:00

Interesting signs at businesses

2008-01-01T10:04:00.000-06:00

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
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At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak"

Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?

2007-10-22T16:26:00.001-06:00

In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough?

Ad - Geico - Ben Winkler

2007-10-02T07:42:00.001-06:00

Ad - Geico Thinking of You

2007-09-26T14:57:00.000-06:00

Ad - Geico Fred Flintstone Investigation

2007-09-24T09:27:00.000-06:00

Ad - Burger King Chicken With Kick

2007-09-24T09:25:00.000-06:00

Virtual Barbershop - Needs Headphones!

2007-09-22T08:36:00.000-06:00

This is really cool... Thanks for emailing it to me, Paul... I wish i could give credit for it, but I don't know who made it. YOU HAVE TO USE HEADPHONES! Virtual Haircut

Introducing the Book... Age Old Tech Support

2007-05-02T07:29:00.000-06:00

Honda Rube Goldberg Machine

2007-04-23T20:24:00.000-06:00

Japanese Rube Goldberg Machines

2007-04-20T14:17:00.000-06:00

Lunesta Spoof Commercial

2007-04-20T14:11:00.001-06:00

Lego Man does Numa Numa

2007-04-20T13:24:00.000-06:00

Bush Meets Moses

2007-04-18T15:19:00.000-06:00

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. Bush approached the man and inquired, "Are you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. Bush and stared at the ceiling.

George W. Bush positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "You really look like Moses. Are you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

Finally, George W. Bush tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once more, "Are you Moses?"

Irritated, the man finally responded.

"Yes, I am."

"Why were you being so uppity?" George W. Bush asked.

Moses replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness."

Thanks, Allen!

Mom My Ride! - A Spoof of a Popular TV Show

2007-04-18T13:38:00.000-06:00

What a 3 year old would do to a monster...

2007-04-18T08:24:00.001-06:00

Use the force, Fido!

2007-04-17T14:22:00.001-06:00

Deck Sling - For Squirrels or Chipmunks

2007-04-17T14:19:00.000-06:00

Wow... Makes me wish I had a deck! Thanks, Nate!

1988 Dodge Aries Spoof Commercial

2007-04-17T07:58:00.000-06:00

Don't Buy Stuff You Can't Afford!

2007-04-17T07:10:00.001-06:00

From back when SNL was funny: