• Beth’s New Word Words of the Week: Fat Finger Syndrome (aka “typo”) and Bacn (aka “spam you asked for”)
• Something Cool: a beer bottle hole punch
• Voicemails from listener Charlie White, Steve C of From the Edge, and DAVe from the Jen and DAVe Show
• Beth burned her philtrum
• …and more coin toss discussion than you can stand

So check it out, because we can’t seem to Just Let It Go!

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
www.facebook.com/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• The New Word Word of the Week:  Christmas Creep
• Voicemails from DAVe of the Jen and DAVe Show, Edincat, and Our Man Steve
• Emails from Edincat and Big C of Bearcrawling
• Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon
• How much crap can you fit in a shower?
• Beth viciously attacking Chuck’s follicular challenges
• Actually, it is Rocket Surgery

…and much, much more.  Unfortunately, we forgot to cover Something Cool this time around, but we’ll get you two next time … unless Chuck forgets.  Again.  In the meantime, check it out because we’re The Hurt & Maim Show!

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
www.facebook.com/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• NASCAR & mayonnaise
• Sports Night, the best show you never watched
• The difference between a pile of dead babies and a Cadillac
• Baby voicemail
• Something Cool: Bacon Salt
• Word of the week: nosocomephrenia

…and much, much more.  So check it out, because we’re going off the rails On A Baby Train!

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
www.facebook.com/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• We hate people
• The New Word Word of the Week: Potscaping
• Something Cool: the Pilot Varsity disposable fountain pen
• Beth’s fabulous new kitchen trash can
• Voicemail from Big D from the Jen and DAve Show
• The stamp of approval from Randy at 2 Guys, 1 Brain

…and much, much more.  So check it out as we explore The Universal Theme.

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
www.facebook.com/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• Something Cool: Hot Sauce Holster
• A shout-out to new listener Jeff @ www.roneyzone.com
• Voicemails from listener CB and Steve C of From The Edge podcast
• Prop 8
• Beth’s New Word Word(s) of the Week: aldesko, disemvoweling
• Renewed family ties
• Mark the date: Chuck admitted he was wrong
• Beth’s new podcast find: My Favorite Stranger podcast

… and much, much more.  So check it out, because there’s No H8, Just Fifty-Eight.

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• The New Word Word of the Week: Gastrosexual
• Chuck’s non-return to Two Buck Turn
• Jamie’s Toothbrush
• Retail Running Shoe Paranoia
• Spider Season
• Something Cool: the Annoy-a-tron

…and much, much more.  So check it out while we practice Anger Management.

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• The Steve C voicemails we missed last time
• Not one
• Not two
• Not three
• Not four, but
• FIVE voicemails from Big C
• Beth and Zoe’s brush with death
• The Don’t Butter Your Meat podcast?

All that and we managed to keep the length down to just 27 minutes.  So check out the Invasion of the Bearcrawling Nation while we get our humpday quickie on.

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• A new promo from and a new name for Our Man Steve
• Edincat’s New Yorker article on the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2010/07/05/100705sh_shouts_ephron
• Voicemails from Our Man Steve and The Man Behind The Man Behind The Show
• Believe it or not, Chuck’s messing with the levels and having sound cue issues again
• The death of the Word of the Week
• The Jen and DAVe Show
• No Soap Radio is Bearcrawling-adjacent

…and much, much more.  So check it out, because we’re like crazed monkeys on Benadryl!

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• Voicemails from The Man Behind The Man Behind The Show, aka Tim of For Whatever Reason, and bumper maestro Remodel Nerd
• Emails from Edincat and listener Kory
• Peaches and Tomato!
• The evolution of texts from Zoe over two years
• A visit from Zoe
• Zoe’s first memory and the story of the mangled thumbnails
• Something Cool: The Neistat Brothers

…and much, much more.  So check it out When Hubris Rears Its Ugly Head!

www.deadpan.net/nosoap
soapmail@gmail.com
(530) HAM-BATS / (530) 426-2287

• Carlton the doorman/neighbor/cousin/whatever
• Happy birthday to For Whatever Reason
• Sea monkey sex
• Zoe and Beth have a non-star star sighting
• Pork is God’s way of telling us he loves us
• The story of how we met
• Something cool: www.bearcrawlingnation.com

So check it out while we put Racism On Parade!

• Chuck started the holiday weekend with an MC trip up the coast to Hollister
• Beth’s word of the week is schadenfreude
• Voicemails from Remodel Nerd and Big C
• Lighter sounds!
• Sticker tagging with the po-po
• Beth thinks about decking a contractor
• Something Cool — Youtube video of Chuck and some club brothers riding tight at 90mph+
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_Snwydnm2c

…and much, much more.  So check it out while we say Happy Birfday, America!

• Welcome to Linda Thompson, our 13th Facebook fan!
• Something cool:  www.theoatmeal.com
• We have a new, permanent voicemail number: (530) HAM-BATS
• New voicemail bumper from Remodel Nerd
• Voicemail from Big C of Bearcrawling and Life As It Happens
• Boobies!
• Possible pornspam from listener CB
• Beth takes The Oatmail quiz: Are your loved ones plotting to eat you? (55% chance they are)

So check it out, we’ve been married for 15 Years And Counting.

Outro: Wedding Day Aftermath by and other things

To celebrate, we rambled on like we usually do, but then about halfway along we started talking about Father’s Day and it got all dark and not so happy-happy-joy-joy.  But as Beth and you listeners like to say, it’s all about being a “slice of life,” so we’re serving up some slices anyway of:

• So Cal Biker talk: Rock Store vs Rock Inn
• Our new segment “Something Cool” — this time it was www.somethingstore.com
• The Something Chuck got from somethingstore.com
• Tell Me I’m Wrong!!!
• Barats and Bereta
• Beth’s new 3 Things On Your Head limit
• Beth’s ongoing poducation
• …and of course Father’s Day, Dad angst, etc…

So check out our slice of life on an Unhappy Father’s Day!

Outro: Somewhere In America There’s A Street Named After My Dad by Was (Not Was)

• Beth became more pod-friendly by downloading an audiobook
• Voicemail from Republican Steve Remodel Nerd Steve
• Books!
• Beth has 511 on speed-dial
• German puppy-throwing biker haters
• Google Voice versus HAM-BATS
• Speak-n-spell street names
• The $1000 Facebook Fans contest

…and much, much more.  So stick those sound-maker things in your earholes, because we’re offering up A Very Special Mid-Week Show!

Outro music: Pass It On by Point 22

• $bux sizes
• Beth’s dead car battery at a hotel in Inglewood
• 3 guys Chuck ran into in the Philippines with mail-order brides
• The return of Edincat!
• Chuck recommends a few podcasts
• Dryer Cat
• Beth resolves to become more “pod friendly”
• Zoe makes another cameo appearance
• Medicinal Drumsticks

…and much, much more.  So check it out because we’re together again, which makes this episode The Local Edition.

Chuck’s podcast recommendations were:

2 Guys, 1 Brain
Tastes Like Burning
For Whatever Reason
The Eclectic Review
The Big Show
The Underground Shortbus
Bearcrawling
and new The Membrane, coming soon

Outro music: Already Home by Marc Cohn

• Chuck’s still in the Philippines
• Beth gives a garden update
• Our For Whatever Reason promo and outtakes
• The Sounds of Baguio City
• The John Cusack classic: The Sure Thing
• Beth plays the Tell Me I’m Wrong card

…and much, much more. So check it out and bring a bottle because We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Shot.

We’re also at Podcast Alley: My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-3ad1053b9b10dce8acc5a195a2b8c533}

• Beth’s mini-corn research
• Chuck has finally been to Guam but never knew he wanted to go
• Wylie’s still brokebacking it at the dog park
• The Faulex that won’t keep time
• Avoiding Philippine jail
• The Sounds of Manila
• Skype plugins that we’re too cheap to pay

…and so much more.  So check out The International Episode as No Soap Radio goes world-wide.

• Chuck’s new e-reader
• His first free e-book download was gay porn no matter how deeply he was in denial about it
• Chuck’s Ryan Reynolds man-crush
• Wylie’s bi-curious adventures at the dog park
• Umami Burger broke Beth’s heart
• We got a fax … for someone else
• “Tell me I’m wrong!”

…and much, much more.  So check out The Brokeback Episode — not that there’s anything wrong with that.

• We finally get our compressor to work — we think
• Tech tips from Tim of the For Whatever Reason podcast
• Chuck’s upcoming return trip to the Philippines
• Beth’s hot new plumber
• Beth invents a No Soap Radio drinking game
• Non-listener voicemail
• A very special guest appearance by our daughter Zoe

…and much, much more.  So check it out while we figure out What Does THIS Button Do???

We also got into…

• Podfade vs. Pod Coma
• Comments on the show’s blog page
• Phone calls
• Chuck’s continuing battles with technology
• Tech Tips from the 90′s
• Special Olympics bowling
• No Soap Studios furniture
• Call the Soapline @ (206) 339-8620

…and much, much more.  So check out The Time Travel Episode.

• Chuck’s motorcycle accident
• Old pets who are gone now
• New dog Wylie
• The Island of Misfit Cheetos
• New jobs
• Beth’s “promotion with a pay cut”
• Chuck’s LifeFlight helicopter ride

…and much, much more.  So check out out because we’re back.  Again.

And, as promised in the show, here’s the video of Chuck’s LifeFlight helicopter ride:

It’s been a couple of weeks and I don’t remember everything we talked about, but it was something like:

• We went to the firing range and Beth kicked ass with the Glock 23
• We shaved our cat
• Beth gives great directions as long as you don’t really need to get there
• One of Chuck’s friends shares waaaay too much info about his sex life — with pictures
• We played a lot of voicemail that wasn’t for us
• Beth’s car is KIT from Knight Rider

And etc.

So check it out, We’re Having Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By.

• The two sushi bars we go to — one we go to with Zoe for average food, and the one for adults from tonight with good food
• We get voicemails…
• Beth and Zoe are going trailer camping this weekend
• Cod, what a fish!
• Long-time listener Remodeler Steve has a new blog at www.remodelnerd.com
• Jackie Blue isn’t an Evil Woman
• Zoe is hootchie-momma Halloween shopping
• Beth behaved badly … and actually apologizes for it

…and much, much more. Check it out because Beth might be in the bag, but Jackie Blue is not an Evil Woman!

Topics tonight were typically all over the map:

• This episode is dedicated to our favorite listener, Edin Cat. Everyone else — turn it off!
• Chuck’s dad died in February; Chuck took a road trip to Colorado on his Harley in July to scatter the ashes – link to road trip pics at http://www.flickr.com/photos/lunchroom/sets/72157601069140106/
  
• Beth still loves her job.
• Scott Baio started some shit at a sushi bar. Chuck thought he was a bad-ass about it … until Zoe described it as a bitchy little slap-fest
• Zoe’s starting a new school year at a new school
• Chuck is motorcycle-centric
• Beth had a big garden this year
• Beth’s purse got stolen

…and much, much more. Check it out as we continue to deny deny deny that we suffered a Podfade? What Podfade?

Admittedly, two months is a little too long between shows, but we had a lot going on. Or maybe we were just lazy. Maybe both? Eh, who cares, we’re back now with a great new show for you. Topics tonight included:

• Another new pet — Ebi the kitten
• New motorcycles — Chuck finally has his Harley, and Beth now owns a Honda VLX!
• Chuck’s new portable GPS navi system, an anniversary gift from Beth
• Our potential move to Terra Ceia, FL
• The sky is falling right here in in the No Soap Studios!
• Project Runway is back!
• Beth educates us all on the definition of “bosom”
• Chuck follows up with definitions on “tittie” and “hooter” and settles on “foining” as a goal for a later activity

…and there was other stuff too, but it’ll be so much better if you listen and discover it for yourself. So check it out as we admit that Okay, Maybe It Was A Podfade.

We covered a lot of ground tonight — it has been a month, after all, so we actually had stuff to talk about for a change — but some of the highlights are:

• Beth hits Chuck with a low, low, low blow, so low that we actually went back and edited it out … but Chuck left her apology in.
• Chuck gave Beth her Mother’s Day present mid-show, even though she had said something incredibly mean about him earlier.
• We teased a new podcast we know you’re going to love from He Who Shall Not Be Named: El Guapo. Check out his new show, Membrane.
• Beth coins a nickname for Starbucks fanatics: Buckies
• Lots of Zoe stuff and scuba stuff and pet stuff and other stuff.

So check out out — we’re back on the air, so Don’t Call It A Podfade!

We talked about our upcoming trip to Curaçao, what we’re going to do in Curaçao, when we’re leaving for Curaçao, how long we’ll be in Curaçao, and we also talked about Curaçao. Because we have Island Fever. Bad.

Oh yeah, and we also talked about Weetapidol, which is an American Idol wrap-up/live-blog-the-show site by our friends Weetabix and Mopie and you should read it.

So check us out, we’ve got Island Fever.

Tonight’s topics included…

• We’ve got Island Fever. Bad. So we’re going to Curaçao next week
• Shoutout to Kleen at the Goin’ Deep show
• A “where’s a new show?” nag to Mr. Shark Attack & Lady Starfish
• Curaçao
• New Frappr greets to Dann of Berea, OH
• We’re not Heather & Jonelle, but kstoeffler likes our show anyway
• Chuck’s skin cancer recovery is progressing well, nose-divot and all
• Zoe’s 10th birthday party with 10 screaming 10-year old girls = ringing, bloody ears
• Curaçao
• Also: 10-year old girls eat like locusts
• Chuck proclaim’s Zoe’s training bra a “Wardrobe Malfunction”
• Getting back into scuba diving — and nothing makes you realize how fat you are like putting on your wetsuit
• Curaçao
• Chuck’s movie was huge in Germany in 2002, so now he’s going to be rich. Ish.
• Our new web domain, so new we bought it during the show so it’s piping-hot fresh: dontbutteryourmeat.com Cafe Press merchandise is coming soon…
• Beth worships at the altar of Mandisa on American Idol
• We saw Chuck’s mom’s Avis commercial on TV
• And Curaçao

So check us out … but Don’t Butter Your Meat!

• WordPress 2.0 killed our feed and we apologize
• Friend of the Show Republican Steve donates his promo contest prize, the VHS copy of Any Given Sunday, back to the show. Nobody wants this stupid movie, apparently.
• Shoutouts and a promo for Acorns & Merlot, and Chuck announces that he feels comfortable with placing the Future of America in the hands of Lucian and his friends.
• A new pin in our Frappr map
• Chuck’s lopsided post-surgery nose, but Beth says it’s always been lopsided. Nice.
• The WGA has some “foreign levy” money for Chuck for a movie he wrote more than 10 years ago — we figure it was huge in Belgium. Is it Harley Time?
• Beth claims Zoe is blossoming into womanhood with her 10th birthday coming this weekend.
• You think you have bad traffic? Everyone thinks that. LA: that’s bad traffic.
• An American Idol wrap-up
• Girl Scout cookies — Lemon Coolers are the new crack

So check us out as Chuck proclaims “I’m A Cancer Survivor!”

• A new promo from Friend of the Show Republican Steve
• A promo for the new podcast Lip Gloss and Laptops
• A shout out and recommendation for new podcast Chat in the Hat
• The Amazing Race is back and Chuck is squealing like a little girl
• American Idol and our nicknames for the contestants
• Beth has some jail stories of her own
• Chuck has cancer
• Begging for Podcast Alley votes
• Chuck sold a domain for $650

…and a bunch of other stuff from Beth’s list, which I can’t find right now.

So check us out, We Gotcher Promos.

• The not-Burt Bacharach song Do You Know The Way To Santa Fe?
• Beth says “just do it” aka “stop fucking off and do what you’re supposed to”
• Happy Birthday to Randy at 2 Guys 1 Brain
• It’s about time for another show from Mr. Shark Attack & Lady Starfish
• Greetings to new listener Mike Reed — and then Chuck compliments him by insulting his family
• Greetings to new listener and fellow podcast Digger’s Story — and then Chuck gives them a lukewarm review
• Beth’s Goran Visnjic star sighting
• Someone reviewed us at iTunes
• Beth thinks Tommy Lee is sexy, which makes Chuck’s skin crawl
• The What’s The Contest contest is over before it even began due to a complete lack of participation by the listeners. The bright side is that Chuck made $75
• Movie recommendations: Galaxy Quest and Demolition Man
• Firefly vs Serenity — Firefly wins
• Is our music — 80′s music — today’s Musak?
• We can’t decide where to go on vacation, so Beth loses her cool and declares the marriage over

So check us out as we ask Do You Know The Way To Santa Fe?

The No Soap Radio Promo Contest is over — and we won! We created our own promo and declared ourselves the winners. We are the proud winners of an unopened VHS screener copy of Any Given Sunday. And because we’re givers, we donated it right back to the show to use as a prize in another contest…

..which led to the debut of a new contest: the What’s The Contest Contest. We’re going to give away a Shure SM58 microphone as the prize in a show-pimping contest … just as soon as we figure out what the contest is. Hence the What’s The Contest Contest — we’re taking suggestions for a contest to give the mic away, and whoever’s suggestion we pick will win the Any Given Sunday tape. Then we’ll give away the mic. So call us at (206) 339-7627 or email us at soapmail@gmail.com to enter and you could win a free movie helping someone else win an expensive microphone!

Chuck also bitched about the 2 Guys, 1 Brain podcast leaving him hanging for their 100th episode, Beth had an Iron Chef moment, we both said goodbye to Firefly, people are stupid, Chuck confessed to becoming a strong proud black woman every time he listens to the Bono/Mary J. Blige One duet in the car, Beth predicted that TomKat is a scam built on pillows of varying sizes, Chuck compared single sex to lions eating a wildebeest and married sex to having leftovers in the fridge, Chuck is going back to Colorado tomorrow and San Jose and Alabama and Georgia after that, and much much more.

So check us out, if you dare, because they say to Never Trust A Podcast Over Thirty.

Other topics tonight included our rising rank over at Podcast Alley and thanks to all who have voted; new pins on the Frappr map from the Pete and Renee Show, Republican Steve, Ajoon from South Africa, and our old meat sweats pal Amanda Page; a new bus sound effect for when Beth throws Chuck under the bus — which got used at least four times tonight; Zoe told her lost explorers joke that Chuck blew in an earlier show; Bruce Dern is an asshole; the country song Boondocks is a little bit too self-defensive to be true; Project Runway; trying to find tickets to see a taping of American Idol; Dick “Shotgun” Cheney; new closing music from Laughingstock; and etc.

So check us out, we’re Introducing the NSR Promo Contest!

We also talked about our new listener and fellow podcaster Eliza Metz of The SideShow podcast, pimped our Frappr map, begged for votes at Podcast Alley, figured out that we’re in the top 20% of shows there — or maybe the top 5% depending on which of us does the math, trading “who’s been in jail the most” stories with Chuck’s brothers at a 2-year-old’s birthday party at our extremely white-bread/straight-edge in-laws’ house, finding porn on the same in-laws’ computer while fixing it, our daughter was almost born on Leap Day which would have saved us tons of money on birthday presents, Gummi Bears are evil, The Aristocrats was great, and much, much more.

So check it out, Here Come De Bus!

Instead, we have this version, where we talk about pretty ponies and butterflies and fluffy bunnies and… No, wait, that’s what we ate for breakfast. But we really did talk about fluffy bunnies — it’s what Beth planned to say she was afraid of on the Amazing Race application when she was thinking of trying out for it.

Other topics of discussion tonight were: Chuck’s unwanted porn gag on the 2 Guys 1 Brain podcast, Adelphia sucks donkey balls and Beth almost went postal on them, we finally got a response to the help wanted ad for a recording engineer, stomach flu is running through the household, gambling in Calgary and winning at craps, poutine at A&W Root Beer, our dog’s $1000 chewing appetite, Chuck hates “Goodnight Belgium” and Beth hates our new closing music.

Check us out, we are now with poutine!

Check us out, we’ll be here all week!

How do you make money podcasting? Sell a motorcycle mid-show. We took a 2-hour break halfway through while Chuck sold a motorcycle for a stack of hundred dollar bills, but it was all talk all the time for the rest of it, covering such topics as: pins in the Frappr map from our new listeners in Texas and Wisconsin, tattoos and the urge for more ink, a potential scuba vacation, Zoe’s feaer of Great White sharks, Chuck’s upcoming trip to Calgary, Beth’s $37,000 bluetooth headset, Lexus cookies, sandpaper toilet paper, Firefly, the Wild Boyz, why it takes 2 hours to set up for a 3o minute show, the Bennifer trifecta, and etc…

Check it out, it’s the Cash Money Show!

Hey there, kids, did you miss us? No? Yeah, we could tell. It’s been more than a month since the last show and only one person — one! — wondered where we were. So we played his voicemail and gave his show — 2 Guys 1 Brain — a well-deserved shout-out.

We also talked about Beth’s new Lexus, Beth threw Chuck under the bus (again) by ratting him out on watching Project Runway, Oliver the not-dead-yet-cat’s new name is Danger and he attacks our dogs constantly, Beth recommends the retractable Sharpie highlighter in the multi-color multi-pack, Chuck has waaay too many pairs of lounging pants, Beth has a cold … or maybe allergies … or maybe cancer, our bedroom Tivo has a vagina, Chuck got a Harley for Christmas — sort of, Beth got bangs, Motley Crue got a star on the Walk of Fame, and etc, etc, etc.

Check it out, we’re Back in Black and we have a new episode up.

Check it out: Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town!

And as promised in the show, here’s a picture of Beth and Suki being amazed by the new washing machine. Beth’s only regret is that it doesn’t have an internal light. Fortunately, she had a flashlight:

We really, really, really need an engineer up in this podcast. Take a drink.

But most of all, find out how Christmas was ruined.

This is how he says “hi” every time Death drops by for a visit

And here he is demonstrating the Dead Cat Bounce. If this cat is dying, I want some of whatever he’s having.

And while I’m at it with the pictures, here’s one of Zoe tucked into bed with her cat Nina:

And if you’ve ever listened to our show, then you’ve heard the dogs barking in the background. Here’s what they’re usually barking at:

I “rescued” this one from Sammy just the other night. It’s bigger than she is.

So. We’re all over the map again tonight, and the show ran long to boot. Some of what we covered tonight is:

• The Jesus Christ contest is over! Winners are NakedJen and Mr. CWise and we play their entries
• WTF is Jamocha?
• 938 things to hate about Mac
• Honorable Mention in the JCC goes to Lucian at Acorns & Merlot for the cottage cheese comedy bit
• Don’t call Beth “ma’am”
• Voicemail from a listener in Scotland who thinks Chuck is an ass
• Santa’s days are numbered
• Chuck goes off on a rant about airport (in)security
• Beth wishes Ben Affleck had done a Jennifer dating trifecta — Lopez, Aniston, Garner — and Chuck turns it into a four-way
• Our dog Sammy is still humping her ball
• Hotel room towel rack placement — Chuck keeps dropping towels in the toilet and Beth thinks he’s an idiot for not learning from it

Check it out, Jesus is just all right.

Tonight’s topics include giving thanks that the in-laws are headed back home to Florida, the gluttony scorecard, the perfect pecan pie bar dessert item, new podcasting gear, the not-dead-yet dying cat, the end of BJ Watch 2005 at Day 29, Thanksgiving Soapline greetings from NakedJen, time is running out on the Jesus action figure contest, etc. Once again, we’re all over the map and you’re invited to listen.

So check it out, it’s the Post-Thanksgiving Thanks Giving.

This podcast has been commandeered by the forces of TASTY. We are an underground group sworn to uphold and defend the rights of the noble and innocent turkey. Our numbers are legion, we are everywhere, we will not rest until the traditional Thanksgiving Day turkey dinner has been flensed from our national consciousness.

The Thanksgiving meal is a tradition of barbarity. Turkeys nationwide dread this day from the moment of their birth, knowing full well they are doomed to a sorry destiny of gastronomic gore. One day strutting proudly ’round the turkey farm, the next he is stripped of his feathers and trussed up like, well, a holiday turkey, has a packet of giblets and cornbread crammed up his butt, and is blasted with heat until crispy and golden brown and delicious. Following the shameful day he died for, he spends a lingering few weeks as that most ignominious of holiday fare: leftovers — turkey sandwich, turkey soup, turkey omelette, turkey jerky, turkey casserole, turkey loaf, turkey spam, turkey jam, turkey ala king, turkey stew, turkey gruel, turkey souffle and, when all that’s left of the carcass are the nasty bits that have been rejected for all the preceding, turkey surprise.

The carnage must be stopped. The taking of this podcast is only the first step in our campaign to end the killing. We will stop at nothing, we will spare no one; no deed is too foul for us to achieve our ends. You have been warned. Save the turkeys. Now.

Hear our manifesto.

So check it out, we dare you: So Sue Me.

Beth’s birthday — she’s not getting naked like Chuck did
Chuck talks her into going topless
Blowjob Watch ’05 — Day 19
Zoe’s school’s “Multicultural Thanksgiving Potluck”
Chuck wants White Boy Day from True Romance
Beth calls Chuck a racist pig
Chuck likes that podcasting together gives us a chance to talk
Possum home invasion stories
Chuck recommends the Radio Adventures of Doctor Floyd podcast
The Great American Smoke-out — maybe Beth will quit, considering that she nagged Chuck into quitting four years ago?
Chuck’s new business cards — he has more than two this time
The Jesus Contest: leave a voicemail at (206) 339-SOAP to win the Action Figure Jesus or the Jesus Soap-on-a-Rope
Corncobs as toilet paper
Put your pin in our Frappr Map
Doggie Olympics while we’re recording the show
Our new cat Oliver and his maybe-fatal condition
Pet advice: don’t get them, they always die … expensively

Check it out, it’s Beth’s Topless Birthday Show!

Birthday music was: “Happy Birthday” by Craymo, courtesy of the Podsafe Music Network.

The contest prizes:

Soap-on-a-rope Jesus

Action Figure Jesus

• The new recording studio
• Tonight’s intro from Dan Klass of The Bitterest Pill
• Chuck was at Podfest 2000
• Chuck apologizes to the listeners for the Podfest 2000 fundraiser — $7.00 of gas got him there and back on the Road Star
• Chuck further cut down on the expo costs by not paying for parking
• An interview with El Guapo and his advice on Chuck’s wish for Harley ownership
• Thanksgiving is coming … and so is the extended family
• Beth will be making her famous cranberry/blueberry pie
• Chuck calls Beth out on the birthday blowjob he still hasn’t gotten, unveiling the new regular feature “BJ Watch 2005″ — today is Day 15
• Beth swears she will never suck his dick again
• The new No Soap Radio listener comment contest with the Jesus-themed prizes: soap-on-a-rope and gliding poseable action figure Jesus
• Call us at (206) 339-SOAP to win!
• Chuck doesn’t start home repair projects until sunset

Check it out as Chuck gives lessons on How not to get a blowjob.

The Beth Birthday Count-down — only 6 shopping days left
Beth doesn’t mind aging as long as she looks younger than Chuck, who is younger than her
Beth and the pressure washer and the hole in the house
Halloween hoochie-mamas
Chuck geocaching in a graveyard in Milwaukee
Two Soapmail calls from our #1 listener, NakedJen
A No Soap promo from Mr. Shark Attack and Lady Starfish, complete with Irish pirates
Beth still owes Chuck that birthday blowjob
Beth wants a bus sound effect for when she throws Chuck under it
Chuck got stuck in Chicago on his trip to Milwaukee
Podfest 2000
The Podshow Expo fundraising job failed miserably
Chuck is still going, but solo on the motorcycle
Beth and Zoe have noticed testosterone = farting
Earworms
Closing music: “Pass It On” by .22 from the Podsafe music network.

Check it out: we live on the busline.

Tonight’s topics included:

Chuck is on the rag
Beth bought and installed Tivo
Randy of 2 Guys, 1 Brain says Beth is a “quality chick”
Chuck’s Ford Expedition envy, Beth’s Infiniti G35 envy
Beth admits to cheating on Chuck, group-orgy style
Our new cat Oliver
Our oversexed lesbian dog Sammy
Chuck’s trip to San Diego and upcoming trip to Milwaukee
A Soap-line call from Mr. Shark Attack
More Mr. Shark Attack and Lady Starfish love
Chuck used to be a stalker
Chuck’s brother’s computer kung fu sucks
A nearly production error-free show

Check it out, everybody is Kung Fu Fighting.

Chuck getting naked for the show
Mic issues are solved, thanks to JohnnyB of the He Said She Said podcast
Chuck woke up with a cold for his birthday
Beth is a lousy nurse
Beth is suffering from a lipstick crisis
The stinkin’ dog won’t shut the fuck up
Bickering
Our Podcast Alley rating (vote for us!)
We need Tivo in the bedroom
Chuck made a promo for the Mr. Shark Attack and Lady Starfish podcast
Daylight Savings Time
Chuck plays the birthday greeting Soap-line calls he didn’t get
He Who Shall Not Be Named

Check it out, it’s the All Nude Birthday Suit Show.

People/sites we talked about tonight are:

Our first listener (in our hearts) NakedJen
Mighty Girl

JournalCon people Melinda (who also left us a voicemail, which we played), AC Nightmare, Weetabix, Amanda (she of the Tim Tams).

Music-wise, we discovered Brother Love while listening to Adam Curry’s podcast and downloaded two of his songs from the Podsafe Music Network to play in our own show.

Chuck also recommended the Everest Podcast, by a self-confessed city slicker who’s climbing Mount Everest — not all the way to the top, “just” to Advanced Base Camp 3, but that’s still pretty damned high — and podcasting his experience day-by-day.

So check out the podcast, now with multicolored mic condoms!

Train lag
Hello to our new listeners from JournalCon
Beth gets the SOAP-line number wrong
Chuck and his ongoing production problems
Our first listener voicemail from someone we don’t know — and can’t understand
JournalCon swag
Meat Sweats
Beth goes down in a Meat Swoon
The poker seminar at JournalCon
Beth schools Chuck — the teacher — three times in his poker seminar
How many blowjobs are enough?
Chuck buys some sex toys
JournalCon swag
Chuck reads his hard-on entry Wood
Beth advocates the use of sex toys
Advice for new train riders: look out for the turbulence
Hello to the girl we met on the train
Halloween decorations are under way — the spiderweb is up

Check it out, we’re talking about JournalCon, Meat Sweats and Porn.

And check out these journalers we mention in the podcast:

Red Nose
Seafoam
Mo
Amanda
Karen
Melinda

We have a new (old) theme song
Chuck has issues with our cleaning people
Fanmail from NakedJen
A bogus SOAPline call from Chuck on the toilet
A chinchilla voicemail from Beth on Chuck’s cell
We saw Tori Spelling canoodling over dinner
We’re taking donations for our gas and parking costs to get to the Podcast Expo
Ontario is nowhere near L.A.
We got a comment from Paul of the PK and J Show! We’re on the podcasting radar now!
Chuck’s birthday is coming up — the one item on his wishlist is a Harley Road King
Two more podcast recommendations from Chuck: 2 Guys, 1 Brain and GabberJaW
Leaving for JournalCon tomorrow and not really wanting to go — we shot our wad

So subscribe to our feed and check out No Soap Radio, now with Celebrity Canoodling!

Tonight’s topics…

Yet another entry for the “lost episode” file — we recorded half this show before we realized it had stopped recording 49 seconds in, making this really NSR #9.5
An appearance by our daughter Zoe, who was supposed to be asleep hours ago but instead talks about her planned Halloween decorations.
JournalCon
Chuck’s blog’s The View From Here series of pictures from hotel room windows and its possible eligibility for an Ig Nobel Award.
Beth has finally started listening to other podcasts.
The Love Ride
What makes a good podcast? Beth says “slice of life.”
Chuck’s new favorite podcast: The PK and J Show
The Sounds of Houston.
Pappadeaux — you can’t get there from here.
Beth invited her mom for Thanksgiving.
Watching the mid-air collision scene from Fight Club on an airplane.
Chuck was the big winner at poker with four sevens.
Beth’s complete willingness to throw Chuck under the bus at any point in the conversation.
Beth almost cries as Chuck plays us out with Tim McGraw’s She’s My Kind of Rain

Give a listen to the Sounds of Houston.

Tonight’s topics include…

The growing “lost episode” list
Podcast technology overload
Chuck buys his own birthday presents before Beth can
The Eagles concert and Beth’s issues with Chuck’s recording it with a smuggled Iriver
How many Eagles Beth has slept with and other music industry name-dropping
National Muffin Week
Another voicemail on the SOAP line
WAMCO fills in for the Magic Date Ball
An interview with Jeffrey Dahmer
A reciprocal shout-out to Mr. Shark Attack and Lady Starfish — or “Sharkboy and Lava Girl,” as Beth keeps calling them
A midnight encounter with a possible zombie

Somehow, we’re accomplishing Less Podcasting Through More Technology.

Tonight’s topics include:

A few entries from the growing list of reasons why Chuck hates Macintosh
Listener mail from the Soap Line
Multiple calls to the Soap Line from our first stalker, GraceDavis
Beth gives Lainie Kazan major stink-eye over raw fish
Jeffrey Dahmer sings from beyond the grave
Advice from the Magic Date Ball
Fondue sucks
Bubble wrap as an aphrodisiac

Check it out, GraceDavis is on the phone!

Topics tonight include:

El Guapo’s review of No Soap Radio
Kenney Chesney and Renee Zellweger
A shout-out to Chuck for outstanding PC service
An empty promise of sex from Beth
Chuck’s family’s computer ineptitude
The Hank Williams barometer of country
The new No Soap Radio call-in number: (206) 339-SOAP
Chuck farting
Big Country or Rush? Beth has no idea
Brylcreme and “gel de hair”
We need a sign-off

Check it out: Back in bed again.

Take off to the Great White North.

Stick it in your ear: The Between-the-sheets podcast.

Stick it in your ears: The Zoe Interview.

“No Soap Radio” is the latest and we hope final title for the thing. We went through several possibilities (The Beth or Chuck Show, The Chuck or Beth Show, The Chuck and Beth Show, etc…) before we settled on NSR as being … well, different from the other names we were considering. So that’s what we’re calling it and, no, we’re not going to explain what it means. But trust us, it’s funny.

We did more than go through several names before going live with this thing; we also went through several recording attempts. There were quite a few technical difficulties starting out that necessitated multiple trips to multiple computer and/or electronics stores to buy various pieces of hardware and software and mixers and… Well, not really. All we really needed was this old piece of shit microphone we already had lying around the house and GarageBand that came pre-loaded on my work Mac laptop. But where’s the fun in that? So many shopping trips and about $200 later, here we are. (And tomorrow the returns begin — all that equipment we didn’t really need after all.)

Once we got the technical crap straightened out, then we had the requisite operator error. There were several abortive recording attempts, and then finally one podcast that was actually recorded in full and even edited down a bit … and then we decided not to post it. Ernest Hemingway’s advice to new writers was to throw the first manuscript away, so we took that to heart here. That first episode will never be heard by human ears and shall forever be known as “The Lost Episode (..sode …sode …sode …sode).”

So here’s the first Second First Episode of No Soap Radio. Enjoy.