Not A Model

The Goodbye Girl

2016-11-04T07:41:00.005-04:00

Break ups are never easy.

I've broken up with boys, cities, apartments, roommates, jobs, hobbies, and routines. While I'm not a flake, sometimes you need to muster up the courage to walk away from something that doesn't resonate with you anymore.

I'll admit, with every goodbye, it always felt like the end of something major. I told myself that I wouldn't recover, or find a new routine, or meet someone new, and then, with time, the painful gap closed, and something better came along, and I was glad I listened to my heart.

And so, this is my long-winded way of saying, I'm breaking up with Not A Model.

It's been a decision about a year in the making, when I realized the moniker, Not A Model, didn't feel like me anymore, and I hadn't written anything in over six months.

I started this blog during my post-grad as a class project, and went live on October 1st, 2009.

For seven years, that's right SEVEN, it was a place I'd turn to express my creativity when I started working the 9-5 grind in the public relations world. It was a platform to share my thoughts and experiences. I've met the most amazing people and documented some of my favourite life memories. When I look back, so much has happened on this platform, (Note: I may have cried going back and reading all of my posts)...

It all started with Stef's photo shoots, remember those? (a BIG THANK YOU to her, my best friend for always being there to snap my photo)
Then there was that time Liam Hemsworth introduced me to his mom !!!!!
There are my summer diaries living in Brooklyn, and then of course, my 100 posts longing to go back. Anyone who has followed Not A Model knows it's just a long love letter to NYC
Then, the summer I quit my job to take cooking and language classes alone in Florence
Family milestones like: The Duchess, What it means to be a girl, and Laura's engagement
And lastly, the simple musings, like learning How to say hello

And while I still continue to write, and have some new projects in the works (stay tuned) it's time to close this chapter.

I want to THANK every single person who has clicked, shared, followed, and commented over the past seven years. Just having one person tell me that a post made them feel better, or a little less lost meant everything to me.

Here's to new adventures and all the "non-models" out there. Stay different! x

Read: Six Books for Female Empowerment

2016-07-19T09:49:00.004-04:00

See, the world is falling apart.

When I flip through my newsfeed in the morning I'm hit with: terrorism, #BlackLivesMatter, and Donald Trump as the potential leader of the free world. It starts my day with a heavy heart, and a desire to stay under the covers. And yet, despite the serious world issues going on, yesterday, my feed was polluted with a Kardashian and Taylor Swift war? Lord save us all.

If you need a break from the gossip, below are six books written by strong, powerful, bold women to inspire you to tell your story, stand up for what you believe in, and never stay silent on the real issues that matter.

Even if that's taking down the queen of pop in a Snapchat feud. (just kidding - no bullying allowed).

Enjoy! x

1. The MOST of Nora Ephron - Journalist, playwright, screenwriter, novelist, producer, and director Nora Ephron was a voice for all women, never afraid to speak her mind with a twist of humour on what it takes to love, divorce, eat, age, and be friends with men. This book is a collection of her work - from her novel Heartburn, to the screenplay for When Harry Met Sally (my fave). She's an icon in a turtleneck, and I can't make a list of great women without including her.

2. Shrill: Notes from a Loud Woman - Lindy West's collection of essays will make you spit your red wine out from laughing, while shaking your head at the outrageous standards women are held up to. West holds no bars when it comes to talking about her relationship with her body (she's not afraid to use the word fat), online and cyber bullying, and how you don't have to be perfect to have a voice.

3. We Should All Be Feminists - The word feminist is either charged with confusion or confidence. Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, (you may know her from Beyonce's song Flawless) wrote this essay, which was also adapted into a TEDx talk, and now a mini book. It's a quick, but important read on what it means to be a feminist in the 21st century. Buy it for your daughter, son, niece, nephew, best friend, or parent. It doesn't matter your age or gender; we should ALL be feminists.

4. Miracles Now: 108 Life-Changing Tools for Less Stress, More Flow, and Finding Your True Purpose - I've read a few of Gabrielle Bernstein's books, and her focus is always on turning inward to solve problems outward. It may sound hokey, but through meditation, and listening to your inner guide Bernstein has created a culture around calm. This book, more of a crash course, provides mini snippets and techniques to battle stress, fear, bitterness all through meditation.

5. Not that Kind of Girl - Love or loathe her, Lena Dunham has done more for women than the twelve Disney princesses I grew up worshipping. Not That Kind of Girl is her memoir and collection of essays that range in topic from losing her virginity, to battling anxiety, and how navigating life as a woman, or a young woman is never a one path fits all - but through it, she found a way to create her own narrative with gumption.

6. Year of Yes - Shonda Rhimes is a BOSS. You may know her as the writer, creator, producer and owner of Shondaland, which includes television shows that stream on your screen like Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder, and Private Practice (RIP). According to Google, she is also worth $60 million, and yet, during all this success, Rhimes was....miserable. The Year of Yes, is her memoir of how she pushed herself to say yes, to things she always said no to. The book is funny, heartfelt, and a wake-up call for anyone who has been sleepwalking through life.

the f word

2016-06-27T09:02:00.003-04:00

Let's talk about failure.

Failure can feel like defeat, frustration, loss, heartbreak, pain, embarrassment.

The best way I can define it is standing on the edge of a wobbly diving board, making a gigantic leap...and belly flopping.

Sometimes, there is a bit of failure everyday - from not receiving the right text back, or missing the mark on a goal. Sometimes it takes a birthday, or big milestone to analyze where we dropped off the map, or became inadequate to achieve.

Last year, I read Brene Brown's, Rising Strong after going through multiple changes in my life. From health to relationships to career, I had a few "rumbles" as Brown likes to call them.

Whenever I go through a failing or disappointment of some sort, I go back to Brown's book. Her insights on giving yourself a break, and truly being vulnerable are invaluable. Brown explains:

Via Amazon.ca

"You can do everything right. You can cheer yourself on, have all the support you can find in place, and be 100 percent ready to go, and still fail. It happens to writers, artists, entrepreneurs, health professionals, teachers—you name it. But if you can look back during your rumble and see that you didn’t hold back—that you were all in—you will feel very different than someone who didn’t fully show up. You may have to deal with the failure, but you won’t have to wrestle with the same level of shame that we experience when our efforts were halfhearted"

Rising Strong is about the lesson of perseverance in the face of failure. It's about doing the best that you can, and realizing that everyone fails at some point. It's a positive reminder to always strive to give your all, because in the end, that's when we recover from failure the easiest.

For anyone facing a rumble, read more from Brene at http://brenebrown.com or check out Rising Strong. x

Book Club: The Nest

2016-05-11T08:37:00.001-04:00

Do you have siblings? Does your family have drama? Do you have a trust fund? Do you wish you did?

This month's book club pick goes to Cynthia D'aprix Sweeney's, The Nest.

I picked up a copy after everyone and their dog-walker seemed to be sharing the book on social media, and I was curious about the hype. Also, every bookstore I walked into, seemed to have the blue and gold cover smack in the middle of every display.

The Nest takes place in my favourite city (New York), and immerses its reader into the dysfunctional Plumb family right before all four siblings are set to inherit "the nest," a trust fund their father set up for them.

The terms of the fund is that they can inherit the money only when the youngest, Melody, turns 40. So what could possibly go wrong? For starters, it involves the eldest, Leo, and a drunk driving car accident with a 19 year old waitress. The rest, you'll have to read.

At first, I thought it would be a beachy, fluff read, but Sweeney's story and characters had real depth, and I felt like I was part of the group; an insider into a robust family narrative. By the end, I was sad to say goodbye to the Plumb family, and their stories stuck with me all week. (The sign of a good book).

For your spring reading fever, I'd recommend picking up a copy. (It won't be hard to find). x

The Gesture

2016-03-22T08:46:00.002-04:00

Spring forward!

It's time to embrace longer days that stretch out like a piece of gum stuck to an unfortunate shoe.

I remember moving to a new school in grade six, and my teacher giving my class a speech about how we would all turn into hormonal animals once spring arrived. Mostly, she was talking about the age shift from 11 to 12 years old, but I stared at her terrified. She then ended her verbal crusade by telling us to buy deodorant.

Spring brings upon the debut of naked ankles, and the movement towards a better version of the self. With an increase in sunshine, comes an increase in friendliness, health and happiness. Even though Toronto is still freezing, if the evening brightness has put you in a better mood, I challenge you to do something nice for another person.

For example:

Buy your coworker/person behind you a coffee
Call your grandmother/grandfather
Clean out your closet and donate to charity
Give someone a compliment in real life, or leave a nice comment under someone's photo instead of a passive "like"
Share your favourite book with a friend
Pick up something you dropped over the winter (fitness class, a recipe that you tagged, a project that never got started because Netflix + Winter = death of productivity)

Last weekend, my mentee from GEM brought me a new notebook at our monthly meeting (as pictured above). Her gesture brightened up my day, as she knows I love and collect notebooks.

Everyday the inundation of horrifying world news can make anyone feel like staying under the covers, but this week, choose to pay it forward.

There's no quota on positivity.

Travel Diaries - San Francisco

2016-02-02T07:55:00.006-05:00

San Francisco, city of who-needs-to-do-squats-when-the-streets-are-all-up-hill?

All I could hear in my head upon arrival was, shoo-bee-doo-doo-bop, also known as the theme song to Full House; it's no secret I have a crush on Uncle Jesse. Armed with my best friend, Stef, and her camera, we toured around town for 4 days, walking past homes dipped in salt-water taffy, and hopping on and off cable cars like pros.

We stayed in Union Square, the city centre of San Francisco, however, through exploring we came to love the Mission District. We went in November (yeah this post is overdue) but the sights, eats, and escape of San Francisco work all year round for those planning a 2016 trip.

Below is a round-up of some things I liked! Enjoy x

Photo credits: Stefania Sgambelluri

Chinatown - One of my favourite spots. Adored the hanging red lanterns that lined the skies of the streets.

Tartine Bakery- Go for the Morning Bun. Thank me later.

Hog Island Oyster Co. - Sustainable shellfish with an ocean view. What more do you want?

Alamo Square - Not to bring up Full House again, but this is where they run up the hill in the opening credits and have a picnic!

Mazarine - A cute little cafe, in the Financial District. Chockfull of handsome men with combovers who looked like they are all waiting for their start-up IPO to drop.

Golden Gate Bridge - A tourism cliche, but also a must-see. Make sure to walk or bike across for the full effect.

Hops & Hominy - Good ol' southern cooking. Entrance is in a secret back alley.

Lombard Street - That famous zig-zag street, also seen in many films including The Princess Diaries, OG version.

2016: Things are totally gonna work out

2016-01-06T08:10:00.001-05:00

Happy 2016!

Every January, we step forward into another year with hope it will be better. We want to alleviate the thought that nothing ever changes, so we make resolutions. Mine are generally repetitive each turn: be healthier, write more, stress less, travel somewhere new. etc.

2015 was one of my more challenging years. And yet, I feel like I've been saying this for a few calendar flips now. As a child, no one ever read me a book about a female heroine navigating her late twenties. I did partially learn how to slay (deadbeat) dragons and evil witches though.

Well, this year, instead of making resolutions because I haven't completed half the ones I made last year, I reflect. Below are some of my thoughts for getting through another year. Enjoy! x

90% Terrible, 10% Okay - As a whole, I wasn't fond of 2015, but looking back there was always an upside. When crucial things like my health, relationships, and career were a hot mess, there were always fragments in between that were positive, such as: a supportive family and friend group; an apartment to call my own, and even the ability to walk up and down the street made me realize that I was luckier than most. Lesson: find the gratitude.

Get A Mirror - There was a period where I resigned to a certain level of unhappiness, like a stained shirt that no matter how many times you wash it, never seems to get clean. I became used to this feeling, always looking outward. Eventually I had to take a long, hard look at myself, at my habits, and at my attitude. It couldn't all be exterior. I had to find a way to get out of my head, and do something different if I wanted a change.

Eliminate the tricksters - In my screenwriting class in the fall, we learned about archetypes in film. A trickster is someone who at first seems good for your protagonist, but turns out, they only cause them pain, or a new level of self-awareness. The only advice I have on this is: learn the lesson, and get rid of them. There will be bad besties, bosses, bros, and boyfriends, and you can either remove these people from your inner circle, or find a way to change how you react to them. In 2015, I was able to get out of negative situations with toxic people, and once I did, I felt 100001% better.

You Can't Rush It - You know that moment in Freaky Friday when Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis are trying to change back into their old selves? (Admittingly I watched this on Netflix recently). Anyways, they slam into each other but nothing happens until they let time pass, and eventually learn something new. This year, I found that for the longest time everything felt the same, and then towards the end of the year, everything was different. If I had continued to slam myself into change without being ready, I'd still be in the same spot. Lesson: let time run.

And that's it! Here's to a happy and healthy new year. xx

The Charlie Brown Cloud

2015-10-27T10:13:00.004-04:00

Have you ever felt stuck?

My friend Jen and I have a term called The Charlie Brown Cloud. You know how the cartoon Charlie Brown always seems to be doom and gloom, like a rain cloud is following him around? When Jen and I used to be coworkers and one of us would be in a bad mood, we'd ask each other,

"Is it a Charlie Brown Day?"

This summer, I found myself with plenty of Charlie Brown days. I had low energy, a packed schedule of weddings and showers, and my attitude was anything but cheery. Eventually I knew I had to start making some changes if I wanted to get to a better place.

Below are some of the things that changed my view. Enjoy!

Pick Up A Racket

...or a book, or a rolling pin. Basically, try something new. In September, I started taking tennis lessons on Tuesday nights. While I'm the worst person on the team, it helps me use a completely different part of my brain. As someone who works with words all day, it's good to switch gears sometimes. After a two hour session, I always feel lighter, happier, and clearer.

Take A Break

While you can't always take a break from life, sometimes you need to identify something that isn't serving you anymore. This winter, I took a break from dating, and in the spring, I took a hiatus from blogging. I learned that taking time off doesn't mean you've given up. Usually, the clarity from taking a break brings a new perspective, and a new start.

Give Back

Volunteering is one of the best ways to see outside of your own situation. I joined two different volunteering positions this spring. One of them is the GEM girls e-mentorship innovation, a program focused on pairing professional women with at risk girls from high priority neighbourhoods in Toronto. The process has made me want to be a better, more positive person because as cheesy as it sounds, I want to be a good role model.

Breathe

This month, I've tried a new routine of meditation. This translates to five minutes of quiet time before breakfast. I sit on a carpet, take some deep breaths and see what comes up for the start of my day. Sometimes I last two minutes, but believe me, those two minutes, make all the difference.

Self Love is Not About Selfies

There is a difference between posting 300 selfies, and genuinely liking yourself. As someone who is very hard on herself, I indulge in plenty of negative self-talk. It's like sitting with a manipulative frenemy, and drinking a bottle of wine. It feels innocent enough, until you spiral down into believing every terrible word. Some good advice I received was: What would I tell my best friend if she were me? Generally, we all treat our friends with compassion when they come to us with a problem, so why not apply the same rule to ourselves? I'm still learning, but it's a good way to stop the personal punching bag.

In the end it doesn't matter what brings you down, and sometimes there isn't even a real reason. While the above list personally worked for me, if you find yourself more sad than manageable, speak to a professional, or your family doctor for additional help.

There is always a way up.

x

Book Clubbin' - October Picks

2015-10-05T07:53:00.002-04:00

There are two ways I read books. I either devour them with every spare moment I have, (before bed, on the subway, during breakfast) or I keep them by my bedside and slog through them.

While I read year-round, there is something about fall that ups my appetite for books, the way some people increase their Netflix binging. My three book recommendations couldn't be further linked or related, but they provide heartfelt, terrifying, and brilliant reads for whatever your mood is.

Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness - I almost missed my subway stop reading this book. It's a mind-blowing (no pun intended) true tale of Susannah Cahalan, a 24 year old journalist from the New York Post who develops an undetectable brain disorder/psychosis that nearly destroys her life. It feels like a horror story, providing a terrifying, and real life look into something that could happen to anyone Read it: if you like non-fiction & thrillers

All The Light We Cannot See - Full disclosure, this book took me five months to finish. The Pulitzer Prize winning novel was dense, and the subject matter: two children affected by the onset of World War II; first, a young boy recruited into Hitler's regime, and then, a young blind girl whose father works at a museum in France, was heavy. There's also a famous jewel involved. The descriptions are so beautiful that it's impossible to give up on. Read it: if you like award-winning fiction & historical prose

Why Not Me - Mindy Kaling is the woman you wish you could invite over at all times to dissect your life into snippets of hilarity. Her second book/memoir is a light read that focuses on her new views on fame, beauty, and Hollywood norms. My favourite chapter is about weddings, where she whines about being a bridesmaid, and the changing roles of friendship. Read it: if you like to laugh, and binge watch The Mindy Project

I'll be adding to my bookshelf this month so stay tuned for more recommendations!

Eat Your Feelings - Homemade Pizza

2015-09-30T07:53:00.000-04:00

Sometime over the past six months, I stopped cooking.

Whether it was getting back into an office routine, or summer being the epitome of eating outdoors, I became a "grab and go" kind of girl.

I used to be the type of person who always packed a lunch for work, and made homemade dinners 80% of the time. This summer, I found myself too tired to cook, and too lazy to make lunch. Fast-forward to the fall season, and I've wasted an exorbitant amount of money on food and I don't feel as great.

Recently, after another boring meal, I climbed my two-step ladder and grabbed some of my cookbooks collecting dust. I chose a recipe from one of my favourite food blogs, Smitten Kitchen, and set a lofty goal to make homemade pizza dough.

To get back into any game, you have to go all in.

I couldn't start with a salad recipe; I had to do something that required effort, because no one can check Instagram with sticky dough fingers.

I walked to Bulk Barn, and bought two types of flour (white & 12 grain) as well as rising yeast.

I put the ingredients together rather quickly, and chose the 22 hour rise option because I am a working woman who likes to sleep, and I was making the pizza for myself so I didn't have a timeline.

The next day I awoke to slightly risen dough, and after a full work day, it had doubled in size. I rolled it out on a pan, added cheese, tomato sauce, and mushrooms. I popped it in the oven and voila, I had dinner, and lunch for the next two days.

While the final product wasn't perfect, (it was a bit stuck to the pan, note: use more than just flour for setting your pans) I was proud that I made it. The recipe was simple enough that I couldn't believe I'd never tried it before.

I read this quote by Michael Pollan and found it relevant in my quest to start cooking again.

"We do find time for activities we value, like surfing the Internet or exercising... the problem is we’re not valuing cooking enough. Who do you want cooking your food, a corporation or a human being? Cooking isn’t like fixing your car or other things it makes sense to outsource. Cooking links us to nature, it links us to our bodies" - Michael Pollan

So that's it! I hope to get back into the cooking groove, and share some more recipes on the blog.

Now back to Instagram.

Recipe here via Smitten Kitchen

Weekly Mantra - 75 times

2015-09-22T10:12:00.003-04:00

How do you measure time?

I chunk it out by events; I look back and try to remember what big things happened around the same time, a year prior. I think about who I was, what I looked like, and what I was doing during that time.

Sometimes it's a photograph that takes me back, or a scent. There are albums I can't listen to anymore as they remind me too much of a particular time, and things I'll never do again, like dye my hair coppery caramel like I did five years ago in an attempt to be more serious and "career-focused" than my platinum blonde university days.

Sometimes, the year zooms by and it doesn't feel like much has changed, and sometimes, recalling the person you were a year ago is as difficult as a tourist trying to find their hotel without a map.

One of the quotes I came across recently by Robin Sharma was,

"Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life."

I flagged this quote because it reminds me that our years are supposed to be different. It also helps me to cope with a bad year, and gives me a sense of hope that the next one, will be one to remember rather than to forget. Whatever way you slice it, it's a reminder to embrace change, as well as seek it out.

As long as it doesn't involve caramel highlights.

Travel Diary - Vancouver

2015-09-14T08:16:00.001-04:00

I'm all about East Coast city livin'. Half of this blog is a love letter to New York City, and I also live smack-dab in downtown Toronto.

And yet, I'm obsessed with the West Coast! How it expels fresh air into my lungs, and surrounds my days with lush, green trees. I am seduced by the happy, fit people with rosy cheeks on bikes and roller blades at every corner. I can't comprehend how the mountains and beaches rest right beside each other like brother and sister. I don't know which one is more impressive.

I recently went on a family vacation to Vancouver with my parents and sister. The four of us hadn't been on a vacation all together since this one (surprisingly also the West Coast). We managed to have the best time in Vancouver, without killing each other or fighting. There was only one meltdown from me, when I saved a work document to the wrong folder, losing it forever, and causing a mini-breakdown before breakfast.

We stayed in Vancouver for four nights, five days. Below are some highlights if you're looking to make a trip. Enjoy!

Stanley Park - As a family of four who hadn't been on bikes all together since the 1990s, we were recommended by multiple people to bike the 1,001 acre Stanley Park. So we rented bikes, and rode the path to perfection. The park is surround by water, parks, mountains, trees, and the most beautiful scenery I've ever seen. (It even beat my bike tour in Florence). It was my trip highlight.

Granville Island - Take a ferry, take a boat, and just get there. It's a quaint little island, with boutiques, and a marketplace. Grab lunch, or a snack by the water, or under the Burrard St. Bridge.

Gastown & Yaletown - My favourite evening hang out areas. There are tons of restaurants, bars and twinkly lights. Grab a bite, walk around, fall in love.

Kitsilano Beach - The perfect mix of mountains and the ocean. Toned bods playing volleyball, and logs to lie on if you're tired, or want to read a book. The best weekend escape.

Bella Gelateria - As recommended by my girl Jaimie, a local Vancouver transplant in TO. She told me to go for famous, authentic, delicious gelato, but warned me about the lineups. Both were true!

Grouse Mountain - Cable cars into the Twilight movie forest sky? Hot, plaid-wearing lumberjack men? The view from one of the North Shore Mountains in Vancouver? Just do it.

Squamish - While I thought Grouse Mountain was cool, nothing compared to Squamish. It was by far my favourite part of the trip. It takes about an hour by car from Vancouver city, and then you take the Sea to Sky Gondola to the top. I thought it was the best view yet.

Cable Cars to Grouse Mountain

Food / Parents / Olympics

Add caption

Vancouver's Olympic Cauldron

Squamish

The Lumberjack Show - Did I mention it's for kids, NOT adults

Stanley Park lighthouse

The girls biking Stanley Park

Gastown

Yaletown

Kitsilano Beach

Weekly Mantra - The September Issue

2015-09-01T08:05:00.001-04:00

With a one-two punch, summer is (almost) over.

My sister's face above (as we kid around at a wedding over the weekend) says it all. As another summer wraps up, I find myself complaining along with the rest of the "adults," that it went by too fast.

As a child, those two months felt like an eternity; the only event signalling the end of the season were trips to Staples (previously known as Business Depot) to buy school supplies with my sister and cousins. We'd insist on separate carts, and speed in and out of the aisles, selecting colourful pens, and binders (depending on our grade) and then watch our mothers' faces recoil in horror as the totals appeared on the cash screen.

"But I neeeeeeeeed those markers," one of us would whine, while the other kids would nod in agreement.

Although I'm no longer in school, September always brings upon that phantom feeling that something new is about to begin. It's the idea that we're going back to something. There is a sense of seriousness in this change. We get the message that it's time to put our socks back on, because no one trusts a man in flip flops.

Last year, I read Meg Jay's book, "The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now." I picked up the book after watching her Ted Talk "Why 30 is not the new 20". Her message is about the importance of making decisions about your life, and going after what you want. Basically, twenty-somethings aren't as young as they think, and things won't just magically fall into place if they don't get serious about their career, goals, and relationships.

Below is this week's mantra as per Jay.

"There is a certain terror that goes along with saying “My life is up to me.” It is scary to realize there’s no magic, you can’t just wait around, no one can really rescue you, and you have to do something. Not knowing what you want to do with your life—or not at least having some ideas about what to do next—is a defense against that terror. It is a resistance to admitting that the possibilities are not endless. It is a way of pretending that now doesn’t matter. Being confused about choices is nothing more than hoping that maybe there is a way to get through life without taking charge."- Meg Jay - "The Defining Decade"

This mantra applies to all ages, no matter what stage you're in. It's a reminder, like the month of September that you can wait for things to drop from the sky, or you can do a rain dance to make it happen.

*

Anyone still out there?

2015-08-18T07:24:00.002-04:00

"But the thing about rising is we have to continue upward, the thing about going beyond is we have to keep going"- Cheryl Strayed

Hello readers!?

I feel like I owe you an explanation.

It's pretty apparent I've taken a hiatus from the blog. This is the longest I've gone in five years without writing something on this platform. As summer approached, I became consumed with work, friends, weddings, events and freelancing.

I was also plagued with a bit of social media fatigue, as my recent job involves a lot of content creation. I became stuck in my own head, with a scrolling screen repeating: I have nothing interesting to say. My life isn't aspirational. Instagram is all people really care about anyways. Blogs are dying.

There are always reasons why we stop doing something we love.

I was caught up with the notion that to have a blog in 2015 means to have thousands of followers on social media, and to have a perfectly filtered life. These days, social media is a photo of a coffee cup, filled with organic, fair trade java imported from Costa Rica, the cup made in a pottery class by a DIYer.

And while I've gone back and forth about shutting down this space, I wasn't ready to do it.

The thing about teetering above two things is you can usually tell what side of the fence you'll fall on when someone shakes the metal wires. You'll know when diving head first towards jagged rocks, that you secretly hoped you'd hit the ocean.

I'll still never post a million selfies, be an expert chef, or contouring expert, and heck, the only person that may be happy that I revived the blog will be my mom, but I'm okay with that.

As Cheryl says in the quote above from her advice book, Tiny Beautiful Things, "We have to keep going." It's a mantra I've carried with me this summer when I felt trapped in the past, or negative thought-patterns.

I have a variety of posts coming up, including a new travel diary about Vancouver!

The snap above shows the best view in Squamish, British Columbia.

Stay tuned! x

choose your own story

2015-05-11T07:28:00.001-04:00

What's your path?

I use writing as a way to understand mine. During my 27th year, I wrote publicly and privately about lessons, change, hustling, and the power of positive thinking. This year I dealt with many unknowns, and navigated through some challenging times. I was tested in all areas of my life, both professionally and personally.

I can describe it as standing over a gleaming pool of darkness. You can't see anything beneath the surface, and you're equal parts enchanted and terrified. While daydreaming, you lose ground or you're pushed, and suddenly YOU ARE IN.

Your toes are snarled with hairballs and seaweed fingers envelop your waist. Your eyes are smudged from crying, because why wouldn't you be wearing mascara on your spiritual journey through a lake of sludge? You'll choke, and flail, and try to stay afloat, and just when you're about to drown, you'll find a way to kick back and look up.

You'll see a cloudless sky and it'll feel like the first time someone told you what the colour blue was.

The dirt will dissolve in fizzy black bubbles; you'll be clean again.

That is how I felt when I turned 28 last month.

While I learned more last year than any other year of my twenties, I discovered there also comes a time to choose a new story.

Repeating tales of murky water keeps you swimming in the sludge, even though you're technically clean. It keeps your mind messy. You have to make an active choice to create a new narrative.

Below are some notes I've been scribbling in my notebooks about the year ahead:

Choose higher thoughts
Create a life you're proud of
Surround yourself with people who support you, not bring you down
Continue to write/use creative outlets
Find ways to make others happy
Treat yourself the same way you would treat your best friend
Stay active
Put down your phone
Never stop learning

Although I don't know what this year holds, I'm eternally grateful for the chance to begin again.

As always, that is the most valuable gift anyone can receive.

*

Blogger's note: This year, I've also decided to change my social media channels from notamodelblog to my name. The blog will still be here (for now) but I feel that using my name is better suited to where I'm at right now. Hope you'll still follow along.

*Social channel changes
Twitter: @amandadipaq

Instagram: @amanda.dipasquale

Published: The Kit, Best Health, Fleek'd

2015-04-13T07:41:00.001-04:00

Makeup by Victoria Radford

Over the past few months, I've been working more on freelance writing.

Last week, I was published in The Toronto Star in their print edition of the beauty publication The Kit. The photo above was taken by makeup artist Victoria Radford's team, after she created my look. I was testing out the glossy eye trend as seen on the spring 2015 runways, and also in Rihanna's latest music video. I also interviewed Maybelline's Global Artist, Yadim. Lastly, I talked a bit too candidly about tears and breakups.

Here is the link to the online version, on page 6, titled "Lid Gloss"

Additional reads:

I also wrote an article about body scrubs for Best Health, and I'm a contributor to a new website called Fleek'd where I write about style, beauty, life, and wellness. My latest is about Taylor Swift's conversion to untouchable pop royalty. See links below. Enjoy!

Best Health - The benefits of body scrub

Fleek'd - Dear Tay, How'd You Do It?

what's your hustle?

2015-04-08T07:29:00.003-04:00

Ever since Kate Lanphear became editor in chief of Maxim magazine, I've given the men's glossy a second look. I discovered the new version on a borrowed tablet. The paired down cover shots of Victoria Secret angels/models/superhumans Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge looked, dare I say, real? There was not globs of makeup, nests of hair extensions, or contrived poses to be found.

This issue's theme is: hustle.

What is hustle?

It's an interesting concept. To me, it's pushing past the fatigue of impending failure, exhaustion, or the moment right before you give up. It's moving forward when something doesn't work out; when you experience rejection; from the minuscule like someone not holding the door for you, or to the grand like losing your job. It's also keeping on task of goals, even when no one is cheering you on.

Hustle is a constant churn. It's losing everything you worked hard for, and then popping back up like a piece of bread in a toaster.

Recently, I've had to deal with a few realities of failure and rejection. While difficult, I've learned that failure can be synonymous with hustle. For every letter that says no, there has to be one that says yes. But if you stop sending letters, how will you ever know?

Generally when I feel like I can't hustle anymore is when I get my answer. Either things fall into place, or I realize I need to take a different turn, or shut a door.

Either way, I know I have to keep moving.

Below is this week's mantra from novelist Philipp Meyer on the Meaning of Hustle, in his essay published in this month's Maxim. Enjoy!

"Hustle is staying ahead of your karma. Helping people who don't deserve it. Forgiving your enemies. Your only real fear should be that one day you will start to listen to what other people say about you. It's easy when most of it is bad. Harder when most of it is good. But still. You ignore it. It’s poison.

This has been said a million times, but you have to take the hardest path. You have to set the highest goal. Why? Because you will always fall short."

/ image via Design Love Fest

Beauty - 3 Questions with A Makeup Artist

2015-03-11T09:01:00.002-04:00

Meet Dallas! She's a professional photographer, and makeup artist with an inspiring website and blog. She's also the one who took these fun confetti photos of me last year. With a new season around the corner, I asked her for some tips for a spring makeup and beauty transition. Enjoy!

credit: Andria Lindquist

Winter leaves skin drab, what are some beauty tips for switching up a routine for spring?

Start by drinking as much water as possible. I use the Waterbalance app to remind myself to take breaks from working to grab a big glass of water and stay hydrated. The next thing I'd suggest would be finding some kind of exfoliating product that works for your skin. My two favourites are Lush Ocean Salt and Aveda's Exfoliant from their Botanical Kinetics line. The main point of both products is to help remove the buildup of dead skin cells and dry patches that winter seems to create. Follow this up with your favourite moisturizer immediately afterwards to avoid drying out your skin. My final tip would be to amp up the SPF of your sunscreen with the arrival of spring, since you'll be spending more time outdoors in the glorious sunshine.

What is your top pick for a seasonal blush swap?

During winter I favour cream blushes or cheek tints in rosy or wine shades. The cream formula tends to blend better with heavier, winter moisturizers I layer on. When spring arrives, I like to use classic pink or coral shades for a brighter, more cheerful look. I also switch to a powder format as soon as the weather gets warmer to help avoid shine. My all-time favourite springtime blush is NARS Gaiety.

What is your number one makeup tip to look awake?

Any kind of luminizing product that can be used to add dimension to your skin and highlight your features. Benefit makes several shades, such as High Beam, Moon Beam and Sun Beam. Choose the one that complements your skin tone and apply it to your cheekbones, cupid's bow and chin. I use either Benefit's line or I mix MAC Strobe Cream with my foundation to look upbeat and bright on even the earliest (or most hungover) of mornings.

Weekly Mantra - Let certain things go..

2015-03-10T08:54:00.001-04:00

This week's mantra is about being brave enough to turn over the sheets. Wait, maybe even throwing them out the window. As our North American cities thaw, ain't no thang like spring cleaning one's life!

“That is why it is so important to let certain things go. To release them. To cut loose. People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Don't expect to get anything back, don't expect recognition for your efforts, don't expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood. Complete the circle. Not out of pride, inability or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life. Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust."― Paulo Coelho via Goodreads

Life Changers: Boxing

2015-03-09T08:53:00.003-04:00

I was nervous to attend my first boxing class.

I’d never punched anything before, except maybe a time sheet at a part-time job.

I'm anti-violence at all costs, so I didn't know how much I'd enjoy hitting a heavy bag. I was also a bit insecure about not knowing how to properly throw a punch.

When I arrived at class, I was relived to see the equal mix of men and women, and was glad that I wasn’t alone in my fight. I initially thought taking boxing classes would be good to add to my fitness routine. I'd read how top supermodels like Gigi Hadid, or Adriana Lima have been using it as their main form of fitness. What I didn't anticipate was the mental clarity I'd receive after every class.

Boxing causes you to confront what you’re hiding.

It forces you to concentrate, and let out any form of stress, or even surprisingly, joy. I assumed that boxing would be something that is beneficial only I'm feeling angry, or aggressive, instead, I can hit the bag, and think of my goals and aspirations. I can release any anxiousness I have over things I can’t control. By hitting something that doesn't hit back, I am able to let go.

As long as the bag is there, I can fight.

When I box, I look my worst. My curly hair frizzes into a halo from the sweat, and I get splotches on my cheeks from the in-between cardio and weight training. But when I’m done, I leave feeling two inches taller, healthier and more like myself than during any other workout.

I become a bit more of the woman that I imagine myself to be. Someone who is fearless, and in-tune with her body and mind. After I take a shower, I’m more compassionate to my reflection.

I know that I did something good for myself, and it makes all the difference.

This post was sponsored by Clarisonic

The List - Baby Models, Floral Prints & The New Potato

2015-03-04T10:03:00.000-05:00

Apartment therapy - While studying in Florence last summer, I met Ashleigh from Perth, Australia while she was backpacking alone for six months around Europe. Since then, she's become an artist, creating the prettiest hand-drawn floral prints and quotes. Check out her Etsy shop for a spring art refresh.

Babies on the runways - Dolce & Gabbana featured model moms and their babies on the runway in Milan last week. Cue the awwwwws.

Men and Coffee - another Instagram guilty pleasure of my two favourite things combined.

Life Coach - Need a boost? My friend Jac recently launched her life coaching business. Need to set some goals, and get to where you want to be? Jac's your girl.

No sap songs - I'm on a strict musical diet of overly confident, in your face, rap music. On repeat: Drake's If You're Reading This, You're Too Late, and Big Sean's Dark Sky Paradise.

George Clooney's Op-ed - Clooney writes an opinion piece in The New York Times on how the world mustn't forget about places like Darfur, even though the international attention on a newsworthy crisis is gone

The New Potato - My favourite online food destination features interviews with famous foodies (actors, chefs, celebrities) about their favourite restaurants, and other routines.

The Month of March

2015-03-02T08:23:00.002-05:00

Emily Dickinson's poem, Part Five: The Single Hound, starts like this:

MARCH is the month of expectation,
The things we do not know

While March can be a month of hope, there is a sense that it will always be this way.

The salted slush comfortable on the ground; cold wind that nips on ears like a puppy that will never be trained; a profound darkness that trails us home at 5 p.m. But soon, light will flood our evenings and stretch out like a baby waking from slumber. We will smile at strangers on city streets, and all that is rotting will bloom green.

Winter will fold its cards, because it no longer has the winning hand. I say goodbye to February; a month of shallow breathing and hibernation. I fling my arm back, wave my floppy hand, but I do not turn my head. No, I keep my eyes forward.

One step at a time, until I feel sunshine.

Beauty: The Return of Lip Gloss

2015-02-26T09:06:00.003-05:00

I have adult braces.

Although they are Invisalign, which means the trays are clear and plastic, I can't really wear lipstick anymore. Since I got my braces in October, I found that whenever I leave the house with lipstick on, my trays get smeared with colour by the time I get to a party or event.

It's not that big of a deal, but I do feel a bit self-conscious at times, in turn opting out of painting my mouth red, or any colour for that matter.

I've now switched to gloss.

I remember in high school when gloss was "cool" and everyone had different sticky, sparkly shades. Somewhere along the line, we all got sick of getting our hair stuck to our mouths, and swapped it out.

I've managed to find what I deem, adult gloss. Non-sticky versions that hydrate lips, and still give my mouth some shiny attention. It's the upgraded version of your high school crush, who now has a real job, and doesn't wear baggy golf shirts anymore.

Below are my favourite glosses (even if you're not going through a regression, and rocking plastic braces)

1. Fresh Sugar Shine Lip Treatment - This was my first foray into adult lipgloss. This treatment claims to moisturize and protect lips for 6 hours. It comes in a variety of shades, but I prefer clear. ($21)

2. Tarte Lipsurgence Skintuitive Lip Gloss - I got this gloss as a sample at Sephora with my beauty points and became obsessed. It's a universal shade that changes to the natural pink pigment of your own lips. It also has Vitamin E, jojoba seed oil, and smells amazing. ($19)

3. Clarins Instant Light Lip Comfort Oil - This gloss glides on smooth with its over sized spongy applicator. Lips are wrapped in a sweet shine, and it usually draws attention when I take it out of my purse. Try the honey shade with plum oil. ($23)

New Weekly Mantra - The Crawl

2015-02-24T09:20:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've been thinking about crawling.

Baby Kate has recently learned. I watch her zip around the room, and then swivel and sit around in her new location. We're all careful that she doesn't get hurt, or bump her head on coffee table poles, or couch ends.

Although I learned to crawl many years ago, this month, I had to learn again. There was no one to protect me from the bumps, except that perhaps I needed to slam into a few things before getting to my destination. (And I'm still not there).

These days, I use my apartment sliding doors to write notes, quotes, To-Do lists, and other things I find inspiring, so when I wake up, I see where I need to be. I've been reading Nymag's "Ask Polly" advice column for awhile now, and this week's mantra comes from it.

Here it is, as scribbled on my walls. For more Polly, visit Nymag.com. Enjoy! x

My Top Five Books About Love

2015-02-11T08:54:00.001-05:00

Reading about love or heartbreak can be cathartic.

It's validating to know that a fictional character, or a real person has experienced the same pain, or uplifting joy that we feel when we open ourselves up to another person. Just ask my new favourite Instagram account, Hot Dudes Reading.

Whether it's heartache, commitment, marriage, or self-exploration, it's hard to find a novel that doesn't focus on these themes in one way or another. I constantly read about love in all of its capacities, whether I'm in a relationship, newly single, heartbroken, or playing the field. It's a constant learning game, and I find it fascinating.

I don't have many views on Valentine's Day; I can take it or leave it depending on my romantic situation. However, February seems to be the month of love, hence this post.

Below are my top five books for whatever you're feeling!

1. This Is The Story Of A Happy Marriage - Author Ann Patchett's collection of essays focuses on her writing career, love for her dog, divorce, and new marriage. My favourite essay, the title of the book, has the simplest advice when it comes to relationships: "Does he make you a better person?"

2. Us: A Novel - For those who loved Nicholls' One Day, his second novel Us, introduces readers to Douglas and Connie, a middle-aged couple who's marriage is on the verge of ending. Connie wants it to end, Douglas does not. They go on a European adventure with their teenage son, Albie hoping to save it.

3. On Love - Alain de Botton's novel is written in short blurbs and describes a relationship from first glance, and idealization to skepticism and intimacy. It's a roller coaster ride, but aren't all relationships?

4. Americanah - This novel, by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, is my absolute favourite. While it has more important themes like racial politics, the love story between the main characters, Nigerian students Ifemelu and Obinze will break your heart in the best way possible. My favourite line, "She rested her head against his and felt, for the first time, what she would often feel with him: a self-affection. He made her like herself."

5. Love Poems - Pablo Neruda's mini book of poems, will have you seduced. Apparently he wrote them on the island of Capri for his lover Matilde. I carry this with me when I fly.