Maybe a comic will come out with 10 solid polished minutes of laughs after a year of hard work testing it on stage. (writers like Louis C.K. who can churn out a full hour in this time frame are the very rare exceptions)

When you see an unknown, but professional comedian at a local comedy club, you’re likely getting the “best of” medley of his entire career. Unless you happen to have stumbled upon clips on the internet or have seen him before, you don’t really know when that hilarious joke you just laughed at was written, do you?

It could have been something he jotted down on a cocktail napkin just the night before. It could have been something honed, tested and perfected almost 15 years ago. As an audience member, there’s really no way of knowing for sure.

But does it even matter?

‘New’ and ‘latest’ are always relative terms.

As a comedian, why on earth would I ever choose not to do my very best on stage? Imagine if I walked in front of the microphone and told people “this is just the latest 45 minutes of material I’ve written, let’s see how it turns out!” Do you think that would play over very well? Of course it wouldn’t. The audience doesn’t care when I wrote my material. As long as it’s relevant and new to them, that’s all that’s required.

Yes, getting rid of that bit about the Monica Lewinsky scandal would likely be prudent.
Yes, retiring that two-minute chunk about the “Where’s the beef?” commercial is more than a good idea.
But, leading your comedy set with a general ‘driving in traffic’ joke – why not, even if you wrote it 12 years ago?

Are we structuring our blogs to showcase the ‘latest’ and not the ‘greatest’?

Back in the day, when blogs were primarily used for personal online journaling, I can understand why they would be organized in a chronological fashion. The purpose was indeed to chronicle someone’s life, so without a time-based linear structure, it wouldn’t make much logical sense to readers. That type of endeavor was essentially a single person writing a “story” and blog posts were like new chapters of their life’s “book”.

But how many bloggers out there are using their platform like the good ol’ days? At least from the thousands of blogs I subscribe to or read every day, this number is very small. Most of them are writing and producing pillar resources as content marketing for a business. So why are they still stuck in the antiquated model of displaying posts from newest to oldest?

Maybe your 73rd post is the best sample of your writing. Maybe your 114th post is a great lead generation tool. Maybe that five-part series you did last year is a better resource that many paid products available on the market right now?

Yet barely anyone is looking at them.

They’re buried in your archives collecting dust. No matter how many times you interlink posts, display a “popular” post widget, create a showcase page and so forth, the most visible work on your blog will always be whatever the “latest” thing you’ve put there. It’s your own damn fault, though. You’re still stuck in the mindset that a “blog” somehow has been divinely ordained to be displayed in chronological order. Why is this so?

Wouldn’t you want your first impression to be the best you can possibly make it?

Tell me this right now: If you had the choice of what post you’d like them to read first – is it currently the first thing someone sees when hitting your root index page? Probably not, right? Then change that.

I’m not only as good as my last blog post and neither are you. Everything I produce on my blog adds to an overall body of work. Some posts are good. Some not so much. Some are downright amazing. Although I will be judged by all of my creation, I choose to lead with my brilliance, not with my filler.

Your blog isn’t just a series of 800 word writings in a hodgepodge order. But that’s what it looks like now.

Nor is a comedian’s act just a series of 30 second jokes told in order by date. But that’s what your blog is now.

What are you doing to change this perception? How are you giving your best work the spotlight it deserves?

I’ll give it a shot.

I have recently watched Star Wars again (the old episodes of course) and they have blown me away, once again. It’s such a rich and exciting universe, and there’s soo much to learn from it.

One character class shines out, and it’s my favorite one:

The Jedi, the galaxy’s ultimate spiritual warrior.

But what makes them so cool? Boy, I could give you a gazillion reasons, but I’ll start with a few: They speak with a low voice, ooze with ultra-confidence and can manipulate the world simply with their mind power. ’nuff said.

And while you don’t have to have superhuman powers to make an impact in the blogosphere (although it would help), all you need is the attitude of a Jedi to blog like one. Listen to Yoda’s tips on becoming a kick-ass blogger that’s one with the force. I know you want them.

On the moment concentrate you must

It’s tempting to do a trillion things at once, but you know it’s not useful. Jedi’s don’t multitask, and neither should you. Whatever you do online, do it step by step. Be fully present when you approach your next task, and make it as epic as possible. When you write a blog post, really just write it. Don’t watch TV (except Star Wars!) and don’t tweet. The force runs only strong in the moment. And the next. And the next.

Sharpen your skills, you must, every day

Do you think Luke Skywalker kicked Vader’s ass by playing Wii all day? Of course not. He was honing his Jedi skills every single day on a smelly swamp planet. I bet you have it better in your cushy home, so don’t complain. Train every single day. Write every single day. Network every single day. Keep and gain momentum, and flow with the force. You don’t have to do much every day, but you have to do it every day.

Abide by your codex, you must

A Jedi has true confidence because he knows exactly what he’s all about. He’s got a codex he strictly follows, and he will never – never – break it, not even in the face of death. Most people are like leaves in the wind, floating here and there. A Jedi’s core is like a rock in the water, everything around him is in turmoil, only he remains still.

What a great way to live life, especially a digital one. When you blog, use your true voice, and express exactly what you think. It’s tempting to wash down your style, but you shouldn’t. Leave that to the gazillion other bloggers out there. Make it a daily choice to speak up. You will lose some (fake) followers, but you will attract the right ones.

Afraid of the future, you are? Trust in the force, you must

A Jedi can’t see the end of his destiny, he can only trust in the force. A Jedi doesn’t worry about tomorrow, who knows what will happen? He’s busy making an impact today. Shouldn’t that be true for a blogger as well?

Your traffic goes up, or it goes down. You got a lot of comments yesterday, and nobody bothers leaving one today. You had 4 Twitter followers last week, you last have of them today. It doesn’t matter – you are just doing your thing. Concentrating on the moment, improving every step, trusting in the flow of things.

Take care of today and tomorrow will take care of itself. Embrace the force with arms wide open, and make every new blogging day your best one ever. You are here for a reason, and while you never will be able to throw stuff with your mind, you can still make a ruckus in the digital universe.

How about now?

Mars Dorian is a digital entrepreneur who wants to change the online world through personal branding and creative marketing. Join him on Twitter and grab his feed.

You’ve heard of this blogging thing, you’ve been introduced to social media and now you’re hooked. You get to experience meeting new bloggers around the world and sharing what you know.

Only problem is, what are you doing about it?

Knowing is great but if you’re doing nothing about it, you’re just wasting your time, others’ time and ultimately killing your own blog.

1. Poor Content

You may post content to your blog but is it any good? Are you really putting any effort into it? You want people to come back to your blog but if you’re not producing kick-ass content then you’re not giving your readers anything worth coming back to… And aren’t they worth the time it takes and the energy to write something amazing? If not, you’re just killing your blog.

2. Laziness

No one is really lacking time because time is the same for all of us. Sure, we’re all in different situations but we have control over how we use our time so that can’t be it. That only leaves us with being completely lazy. This is sad because we’re not going to get very far if we’re lazy. We just think of how great it would be to post amazing content and do all these things and then never put any action towards it. How sad… Solution: Don’t be lazy!

3. Becoming Fake

If you’re fake, people will surely find out fast. It’s not hard to tell who’s real and who just doesn’t care. Become someone who no one likes and can trust and you’ll surely completely kill your blog. After all, if your content blows, people will know, and if you’re not putting any effort into replying to your comments, then people will know. Just be real because otherwise you will eventually blow your blog to pieces before your own eyes.

4. Leaving Spam Everywhere

I don’t like it and I don’t eat it and it’s up to you whether or not you really want to spam people but if you do this, well, say goodbye to a lot of great potential fast. Go to all the forums you can find in your niche (or others, because at this point it really doesn’t matter) and leave linkes to everywhere you like or don’t like. Make sure you don’t leave anything worth while to anyone there because after all, we’re trying to add spam here, not value, because doing so will destroy your blog.

5. Linking Everything

I’m not actually sure if this would annoy some people but it sure as hell would me. Write your entire blog post and then count the number of words you have and find that many websites out there completely unrelated to each word you write. This makes no sense to do and if you actually have time to do this, God help us all, but link each word to a different blog/website and I guarantee no one will come back to visit or stick around even 5 seconds on your blog.

What ways can you think of that would completely kill a blog?

When you hear a marketing rockstar ninja expert use the word engage about 84 times in a 7 minute interview, do you vomit in your mouth just a little bit?

When you wake up in the morning to find 163 new blog posts, 326 Facebook updates, 831 incoming tweets (not including the redundant aggregation of each individual one on 74 other social platforms) – do you smell a pungent odor emanating from this landfill?

Do you get the sense that social media is just a delusion we’re all perpetrating on ourselves with implicit collusion in order to give a sense of purpose and value to our empty lives?

Do you get a feeling that human nature is actually not changing whatsoever, but has designed a construct in which our own selfish needs and dirty little secrets can be veiled so well to the unsuspecting masses?

Do you think anyone in business who stands to earn income in any way possible, directly or indirectly, from the use of social media can truly be authentic about their intentions?

This all sounds like the same business model of strippers.

The only difference is that the pole dancer knows what she is and doesn’t deny it.

So, why can’t we just admit that we’re all whores?

Before you jump on the Facebook-bashing bandwagon, ask yourself these three questions:

1. Is anyone forcing you to be on Facebook? Probably not. Then stop using it.

2. Do you share anything on Facebook you feel is too private? Then stop doing that.

3. Who the hell is looking at your Facebook profile anyways? Not many, if anyone.

Sure, I’m not a big fan of leaving personal details out to be exploited by unscrupulous third parties… but with the exception of Facebook using info to custom tailor relevant advertising to you, who exactly are you really trying to protect yourself from?

I don’t peruse random people’s profiles. No one else I know does either. I don’t see identity theft being a major issue, if at all. So who are these mythical people who you don’t want to allow them to see your vacation photos, the fact you liked the Shawshank Redemption or that you had an interesting exchange at the grocery store recently?

They don’t exist. It’s all in your mind.

The only people looking at your updates, photos, notes, videos, games, etc. on Facebook are those who actually are your friends and therefore marked down as such and given permission anyways (under the old opt-in rules). To think otherwise is just a delusion of grandeur of your own self-importance.

You’re not important. Most people aren’t. No one really cares about you.

Does the “illusion of security” means more to us than its logical purpose?

“Sir, what do you do for for a living?”

Whether it be a doctor, accountant, construction worker, mail clerk and so forth… virtually 100% of the time, the answer I’d receive back is easily identifiable, both by myself and the audience. We can very simply put a picture in our collective heads on what this person does as an occupation, his day-to-day tasks on a general level and why others pay him to do it.

After a couple of hackneyed jokes poking fun at the public assumptions based on his chosen line of work, I’d typically ask the audience member follow-up questions to dive deeper into details: (obviously, so I can have more ammunition to create witty comebacks at his expense!)

“What makes you different from other people in your profession? Why the hell should I hire you? What can you do for me?”

At this point, I usually get a stammer or even just a blank stare as the audience member really has no clue how to answer. This shows how often individuals tend to identify more with the stereotype or caricature of their occupation than looking inwards at what makes their story unique amongst the sea of others in their line of work.

Occasionally, I’ll get an answer, but usually in the measurement of how successful they are:

“I work for the #1 peanut butter distributer in the world.”
“I know the pulse of the home furnishings industry more than anyone else.”
“I graduated from the most prestigious culinary school in the country.”

Invariably, my retort back to this is – what the &%$#! does that matter to me?

A unique selling proposition should be focused on the benefits of those being sold, not on the self-promotion of your own individual qualifications. Sure, they may indeed be quite one-of-a-kind, but it doesn’t resonate with the needs of a potential customer.

In addition, your USP must also be easily understood by the lowest common denominator. Sure, those in your industry may know the meaning of the buzzwords & jargon you throw into your elevator pitch… but those who actually will be paying you for your product/services typically are not familiar with it whatsoever. You don’t need to sound smarter than you are or try to impress your peers – just find the simplest way of describing what it is you do and how it satisfies someone’s needs.

I’m a stand-up comic. I make drunk people laugh.

So, what do you do for a living?

Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking you’re just one great article away from fame.

This is the exact type of mentality I see all the time in the comedy industry (as well as my previous experience in the music industry) where people just are waiting for the “big break”. Waiting for that one show, that one time, that one “right place at the right time” moment where an influential big-time producer or agent “discovers” them – and it all comes together in one fell swoop.

So they work on their act continuously and improve their performance as much as they can. They get on stage over and over and over again. Now, this is obviously a worthwhile investment of time in some extent… but too many times I see brilliant performers that should be household names working the same crappy one-nighter gigs in the middle of nowhere. For years. Forever.

Wondering why it hasn’t happened yet.

Getting jaded that less talented individuals are succeeding and they’re not.

Blaming everyone else but themselves.

Always starting out their sentences with “If only” and pointing to external sources.

Convincing themselves that great content will always be found on it’s own.

A screenwriter can write a script, send it out unsolicited to studio executives and film agents, move on to his next project and no matter how brilliant his work is, he easily can end up going absolutely nowhere. No one will ever find out about the Academy Award winning masterpiece as it’s shuffled in with a thousand others piling up on someone’s desk.

Yes, I agree that talent will ultimately decide whether or not his script will be picked up for production once seen, but if no effort is being made by him to actually get it considered, then what can he possibly expect to come out of it barring a complete fluke miracle?

At some point, even a little amount of “marketing” needs to be done. Some way to show his brilliance to those strangers who can help his career and make his work stand out from the crowd. Through utilizing contacts, connections, exposure, press, whatever it takes to increase the chances of great content being found.

Competing against a 100+ scripts being sent to movie studios daily to be read and considered, it’s as simple as finding a way just to get his work to the top of the pile.

Sometimes that’s all it takes… but also takes a load of time, energy & work to accomplish.

Are you just pumping out blog posts waiting for the “right place, right time” moment?

Or are you doing to something to get your blog to the top of other’s piles?

When you combine all the hoo-haa from the big time names in blogging (Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Darren Rowse, Chris Brogan etc), you start to see things differently. You start to believe in blogging. Hell, you start to believe that that YOU can blog and MAKE IT! These guys and gals pump you up, they motivate you and tell you to get your word out there and be successful.

So off you go, starting your own blog in hopes of becoming “pro” and after some time a grave realization comes up on you when you find out that… No one gives a flying poodle shit about what you have to say!

Now we obviously know why this is a problem. So I decided I’m gonna do something about this and help out the ones that are being ignored. I have taken the time to pint-point five areas in blogging where you might be weak (it could be all of them) and then provided a little cure so you can turn it into your strength. Don’t get all offended if I nail the problem in the head about you or your blog… it happens. You’ll get through it, I promise… Maybe. Let’s get on with it.

1. You suck.

I mean, plain and simple… you just suck. You couldn’t string words together into a sentence if your life depended on it. In fact, if humanity’s sole survival depended on you writing a half-decent paragraph, you’d be responsible for wiping out our entire fucking species. That’s a lot of sucking.

BUT… luckily for you, it’s not the end of the world. Why? Well first of all, humanity doesn’t depend on you (thank the lord). And second of all, if you suck, you can do something about it. You can either switch mediums to get your message across (like Gary Vaynerchuk… he is a terrible writer so he dictated his book to someone who could write and is a video blogger himself) OR you can learn how not to suck… and blow shit outta the water instead. This is what I did. I was a sucky-ass writer, so I decided to read, learn and practice till people went from “WTF is this dude?” to “This is half decent” – and to me, that was good enough to start with.

And now just look at me, I’ve made it in life! I’m all prestigious, world-famous and guest posting on… Not A Pro Blog! Damn, never mind. I still love you Jordan.

2. You fail to make an impression – people forget you.

Or to put it in other words… you’re boring as fuck. You couldn’t hold the attention span of a tied down sloth. Technically you can write, but your content reads like a math text book. It puts people to sleep and causes zero emotional excitement. I think the authors of this type of content should pay ME to read their crap. Id rather look at dull gray skies and watch King Of The Hill… at least there’s a small chance I might have a good time.

If you fall into this category, then the first thing you need to do is start living a more exciting life. I don’t give a shit if you’re an introvert… so is Darren Rowse, yet he found a way to write compelling content for the masses. So why can’t you?

Then go take some improv lessons… or better yet, tell Jordan that you’ll give him sexual favors in exchange for some comedy training. Also, reading content by other authors who are considered to be “good” or “great” isn’t a bad idea. And no, reading my shit doesn’t constitute it as being “great” content.

… Its actually constitutes as be phenomenal!

3. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

This one is almost incurable… simply because these people can’t accept that they’re wrong and keep talking out of their asses. I mean, the truth could come and whack them on the ass with a 2×4 and they’ll just find that kinky as hell. What really bugs me is that sometimes these people don’t suck at writing and actually have a personality… but if they only did some god damn research before opening their pie hole, I wouldn’t want to punch them in the face.

But, I did say “almost”. If you happen to fall into this category… it’s OK to accept it. I forgive your ignorant ass, just move on and better yourself. Don’t keep spewing out the same nonsense over and over again, change it up. Be more real. Be thought provoking… then see how people actually pay attention to you.

4. You can’t promote for shit.

As in, if you were a club promoter… that place would be out of business faster than the Betamax. If you don’t know how to put your content in front of eyeballs, then forget it. How the hell do you expect anyone to pay attention to you? No one… NO ONE will come knocking on your door willingly. At least not at first.

You need to have a basic understanding of marketing and how to leverage eyeballs and traffic so you can get people to read your shit. If you are having trouble in this area, may I suggest my in-depth article – 4 SEO Laws Of Online Success. This article is “evergreen” which means no matter how many times Google changes their top secret search algorithm, following my tips will never go outta style. It’s like a classy black dress – party, family gathering, funeral or slutty bar night… it’ll always work.

5. You have no patience.

Ok, lets say you’re a half decent writer, you have a personality, you know what you’re talking about and you started to do some social media marketing along with a few other methods. Yet, you realize the number of people paying attention to you is almost insignificant. What’s wrong?

Nothing! You need to realize that this is NOT an overnight process. Quit your bitching, keep your chin up and keep working, networking, promoting etc. Or if you’re me, a lil bit of harassing as well – it goes a long way. In all honesty, don’t expect traction for a minimum of 6 months if you are serious about gaining something from your blogging efforts. Say it with me “MIN-NI-MUM OF SIX MONTHS”

The ONLY way you can flip your blog “overnight” is if you have like $10,000 to spend on AdWords and you promote the living shit outta your blog or site for 5 days straight – buying every possible ad space on every possible site related to your niche. Truth be told, this is not a bad strategy… but unless you know what the fuck you’re doing and/or have a proper business model in place, you will lose your money faster than Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity.

So there you have it…

Truth be told, not everyone pays attention to me either… and that’s just dandy with me. I’m more of a polarizing writer, which means I cause either black or white emotions. For example, just think of your opinion of me right now, after reading all of that. You probably hate me, or you love me… but I doubt you’re like “oh he’s ok”. And if you do think im “ok”… then screw you. Stop messing up my examples!

The point is, it’s not that hard to get people to listen to you. Specially not in today’s world with all these social applications that keep popping up. You just gotta apply the tips and be willing to put in the work.

While he has a passion for writing and oozes the entrepreneurial spirit, FJ is a Fitness Expert first, and focuses on impeccably accurate advice that is delivered it in a straight forward, No-BS style. Check out his Fitness Blog and E-Training program!

NEW ALBANY, Indiana. (April 1, 2010) – Not A Pro Blog, the web’s worst blog tips site, today announced that it has been acquired by ProBlogger.net.

This acquisition will be a part of Darren Rowse’s extension of the ‘ProBlogger’ brand and a precursor to his new paid forum for the hopelessly unsuccessful, NotAProBlogger.com – where broke bloggers sabotage each other.

“Blogging continues to grow in popularity, but since no one actually implements my advice – I might as well hedge my bets.” said Rowse on one of his horridly boring UStream chats today. “Not A Pro Blog will put an amazing array of obstacles in front of those copycats wanting to overtake my market dominance.”

“What better brand to align these fundamentally flawed concepts with than Jordan Cooper, a blogger that has consistently taken my advice, yet thoroughly parodied & ridiculed me and my colleagues for just under five months.”

“Some have called me a ‘traitor’ for even considering selling my soul to ProBlogger,” said Cooper, the founder of Not A Pro Blog, “but I’d be a fool not to allow the my brand to seep in, eat away and completely destroy one of the world’s most influential blogs. I’m excited to see how far Darren will fall going backwards.”

The acquisition of Not A Pro Blog will allow Jordan to concentrate on his other projects including his main site – FM-Britain, which peddles worthless digital products about a video game that poor British kids become addicted to quite easily – and an upcoming project – NonScalableBlogging.com with Chris Brogan.

Jordan Cooper will remain a part of Not A Pro Blog where he plans to launch a product with Rowse entitled “31MWWW” – 31 Minutes to Write the Worst Weblog – an alternative to the successful series of a similar name, but geared for those who have no clue and like it that way.

Last minute update:

Upon hearing the news of this merger, Google has immediately voided their purchase of ProBlogger from earlier today.

“Unfortunately, Darren Rowse’s haphazard acquisition of Not A Pro Blog significantly undermines our positioning with his brand”, a representative of the internet giant stated. “Competing against ourselves is not in our business nature, as we already have a firmly planted presence in the ‘fail whale’ marketplace… with Google Buzz and Google Wave.”

Wait for it… Wait for it!

I’m incredibly sorry and apologize to all my 12 readers, but I’ve been…

Hold on, it doesn’t even matter. You probably haven’t noticed any difference, right?

For all you know, I did write three blog posts over the weekend – but you scrolled right past it in your RSS reader. Boy, I definitely would sound quite arrogant if I professed my heartfelt apologies thinking I was somehow an integral part of your life.

Actually, I should be the one upset.

How important are you that I can disappear for a whole 4 days in between posts and you don’t even bat an eye. How egotistical and uncaring of you! Am I just some circus monkey to you – performing tricks for your amusement only worth giving two craps about for 30 seconds a day as you leisurely skim through my hard work? You should be the one apologizing to me!

Wait a second… this may be the first time you’ve visited my blog. In that case, I obviously can’t blame you for failing to check up on me. I apologize for berating you in the above paragraph.

Actually, what am I saying? I’m not sorry at all.

The fact it’s taken you 3 months to find my blog shows how utterly full of yourself you are. You’re the overlord of the kingdom and I’m the peon slaving away pumping out content for chump change. Obviously, you have so many more important things to do than waste 30 seconds of your day to acknowledge a peasant. Really, I should be sucking up and kissing your feet, master, as I should be honored to have the privilege of your attention!

Damn, I’m really glad I didn’t write one of those posts apologizing to my readers for no reason.

I’m not sorry. You’re not sorry. Let’s deal with it!