notSupermum

A visit to my spiritual home

2012-05-27T02:27:00.000-07:00

There's a place not far from where I live, somewhere I like to go to when I need some time to think.

It's a place that allows you, almost encourages you, to be peaceful. Tranquil even. It's so quiet there, nothing but the sound of buzzing bees and a light breeze passing though the trees.

Yesterday I wanted to think about something that has been weighing quite heavily on my mind. I needed some space to think it over.

I sat in the beautiful surroundings for a while and thought about it.

On the way out I bumped into a friend. While we were chatting, and without me having mentioned it, he gave me a possible solution to my dilemma.

It seemed like the right place to find a possible answer.

Lorraine Pascale's recipe for chilli con carne

2012-05-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

As mentioned previously, I'm a recent convert to Lorraine Pascale's cooking. I've made several recipes from her Home Cooking Made Easy book and they've all been successful, which means I keep going back for more.

I recently tried out her recipe for chilli, a dish that most people seem to have a favourite recipe for, but one that I'd struggled with. Whenever I made chilli it either tasted really bland or like minced beef with a load of chilli powder in it.

Lorraine Pascale's recipe was a revelation. It tastes fantastic, just spicy enough but with a lovely deep flavour to it. I've cooked it a couple of times now and it's become a firm favourite with my daughters.

Ingredients:
Oil for cooking
1 large onion, peeled and chopped
1 clove of garlic, peeled and chopped
2 tsp soft light brown sugar
1 bay leaf*
1 tsp dried oregano (didn't have any, so I used dried thyme)
1 tsp paprika or cayenne pepper
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chilli powder (or to taste, I add two)
1 red pepper, deseeded and chopped
1 red chilli deseeded and finely chopped (optional)*
500g minced beef
1 small glug of good red wine (optional)*
2 x 400g tins of chopped tomatoes
Big glug of Worcestershire sauce
1 x 400g tin of kidney beans, drained and rinsed
Salt and ground black pepper

*I didn't add these ingredients because I didn't have them on this occasion, chilli still tasted great though!

Heat the oil in a pan over a medium heat, add the onion and cook for about 10 minutes until it's nice and soft. Add the garlic and cook for one minute, then stir in the sugar, bay leaf, oregano, paprika or cayenne, cumin, chilli powder, red pepper, chilli and minced beef.

Use a wooden spoon to break up any large bits of meat, turn up the heat and keep stirring so it doesn't burn on the bottom of the pan for about 5 minutes. Once the meat has browned add the glug of wine (if using) and boil for 2 minutes to get rid of the strong alcoholic taste.

Now add the tinned tomatoes, Worcestershire sauce, kidney beans and a good amount of salt and pepper. Bring to the boil, then reduce the heat and leave to simmer for an hour or so, stirring from time to time to prevent it sticking to the pan.

Check the mixture after 30 minutes and if most of the liquid has evaporated, add a little water or stock, then stir and leave to simmer and develop all those lovely flavours.

Serve with some white rice or tortilla chips, soured cream, guacamole and salsa. Enjoy!

P.S. I was recently shopping for ingredients for another of Lorraine's recipes and when I couldn't find one of the items on the list I tweeted Lorraine Pascales to ask her, and she replied while I was still in the shop! How cool is she?!

(Apparently dry sherry is a good alternative.)

Why parenting classes are not the answer

2012-05-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

Source: Guardian

So, this week the Prime Minister announced the introduction of parenting classes for all. These classes are a direct result of last summer's riots which were caused - according to the coalition - by bad parenting. In the aftermath of the riots David Cameron blamed the riots on "a complete lack of responsibility, a lack of proper parenting, a lack of proper upbringing, a lack of proper ethics, a lack of proper morals".

In essence, I would say parenting classes are a good idea, but also a sadly misguided one and the reaction of a government that is totally out of touch with the real issues affecting families and young people.

First of all, parenting classes are the latest idea from a Government that has made significant cuts to the long-standing and successful Sure Start scheme. Sure Start was set up to help families in the most deprived areas to get advice and support about parenting, benefits and finding work and has a nationwide network of centres with equipment, resources and trained staff. However, since the coalition came into power over 120 Sure Start centres have closed due to funding cuts. This doesn't make any sense to me. Instead of spending the millions on the new parenting classes, why not just pump that money into Sure Start and improve their services?

Secondly, this Government has also made cuts to child benefits which will result in many families losing out. This is exactly the same group of people they are asking to attend these parenting classes.

Then, and this is my biggest gripe, the report by Government's 'behaviour tsar' Charlie Taylor following last summer's riots recommended (amongst other things) that there should be more teachers specialising in managing disruptive pupils' behaviour in pupil referral units, and that this government will be fast-tracking newly qualified teachers to work in these units. In my opinion newly qualified, and therefore inexperienced, teachers are not going to be the best equipped people to deal with the children who are already excluded from mainstream schools, and secondly it's not just the pupils' who should be targeted but their parents.

Mr Taylor also recommended that nursery and pre-school workers should be asked to identify young children with behavioural issues and refer them for specialist training on how to deal with their anger or get along with others before starting formal school classes. This idea is so short-sighted it almost beggers belief. Yes, by all means identify these young pre-school children: but it's their parents who should be referred for support, because the child is just a symptom of this parenting malaise.

What this government seems to be completely missing out on is that the parents who really need the parenting classes are not the likes of you and I, the people who genuinely want to be better parents and raise decent children. The parents who actually need the help, who really need to learn the very basics of raising civilised, law-abiding citizens of the future will be (by and large) the parents of these children who are identified, from an early age, of having 'issues' but they're also the ones who will never attend a voluntary parenting class.

Most of us will know this type of parent. They are the parents who can't be bothered getting out of bed in the morning to get their children ready for school and send their children to school in filthy clothes and without any breakfast. The parents who don't actually care what their children get up to outside of the house and allow them to roam the streets unsupervised. The parents who think that teaching their children manners, morals and basic skills such as eating with a knife and fork or tying their own shoelaces is nothing to do with them.

They are the parents who need parenting classes Mr Cameron. Identify those parents and work with them. The rest of us are doing the best we can.

What do you think - are parenting classes a good idea or not?

Win a pair of running shoes!

2012-05-14T08:35:00.000-07:00

Nike Zoom Vomero 6

**UPDATE: the competition has now closed, and the winner of the running shoes is Debbie Davis. Congratulations Debbie, and thank you to everyone who entered.**

Hands up if you're trying to get fit? If you are, you may have decided to take up running or maybe you're already a keen runner. If so you're in luck.

I’ve teamed up with sportsshoes.com to offer one lucky reader a brand new pair of trainers up to the value of £90!

With a huge selection of running shoes on offer, Sportsshoes have plenty of options to look and feel fabulous.
The lucky winner will choose a pair of running shoes up to the value of £90 which will be sent out directly. Here’s how to enter:

Nike Lady Air Pegasus

Simply leave a comment and tell me who your ideal running partner would be?

Could it be any simpler? For an extra entry, tweet the following "I've just entered @notSupermum's comp to #win a pair of running shoes! http://goo.gl/fb/3ZAid"

The competition will be open until 6pm Sunday 20th May, then I'll select a winner based on the answers given. Please leave either an email address or twitter ID to be included. The prize is not just restricted to UK entries either as Sportsshoes are happy to post the prize out to overseas!

This post is sponsored by www.sportsshoes.com

Terms & Conditions
1.      Competition is only available to individuals aged 18.
2.      The prize will be sent out within 28 days.
3.      The prize must be redeemed within 6 months.
4.      The prize will be a pair of running shoes selected from www.sportsshoes.com/running up to the value of £90.
5.      Sportsshoes.com reserves the right to provide a substitute prize of a similar value should the specified prize become unavailable for reasons beyond its control. Cash or credit alternatives will not be offered.
6.      Sportsshoes reserves the right to amend, suspend or cancel the competition without notice and/or review and revise these terms and conditions at any time without giving prior notice.
7.      The publisher’s decision is final.

Children, bedtime rituals and growing up too fast

2012-05-09T11:04:00.001-07:00

Reading a bedtime story has been, for me, one of the great pleasures of having small children. I used to love those twenty minutes or so when my girls were tucked up in bed, all clean in their pjs and cuddling up to hear a story. We had so many favourites and read and reread many stories over the years, but I have special memories of the Wishing Chair stories and The Magic Faraway Tree which were the last two books I read to both girls before The Teenager decided she was "too old" for that sort of thing. She was probably about 9 or 10 at the time.

Bedtime stories for Tall Daughter continued though and we went on to enjoy many more books, especially the Sophie Stories by Dick King-Smith which she absolutely loved. Tall Daughter is 12 now, she'll be 13 in a few months time, and although we no longer read bedtime stories together we still have a particular bedtime ritual.

Most nights, when I tell her it's time for bed, she will ask me to come and say goodnight. I wait ten minutes or so until she's ready, then I'll go up to her bedroom where she'll already be tucked up in bed with the bedside light on. Lying together on the bed we'll have a chat about her day, or she'll tell me of her plans for her new bedroom or (and this happens quite a lot) we'll just have a bit of silly time together. It's a lovely few minutes - no more than 5 or 10 - before we say goodnight and I go back downstairs.

Just recently though a friend and my brother have (on a couple of separate occasions) overheard her asking me to say goodnight and have expressed surprise that I still "put her to bed". I don't, but even if I did why would that be a problem?

She's 12, she's still a child. She'll be a teenager soon enough, and will spend most of her life as an adult so right now I'd like her to be a child for just a little bit longer.

I read a really thought-provoking article recently lamenting these final moments of parenthood. While we celebrate every new first (tooth, step, word) there isn't any way of knowing when the 'lasts' will be (bedtime story, letter to Father Christmas, game of football on the lawn) until they're gone, and mostly unnoticed.

It might be hard to imagine it now, but sooner than you think you will read your child/ren their last bedtime story before, quite suddenly, you are no longer needed.

I'm probably in the last few months of Tall Daughter wanting our little goodnight routine, and I'm savouring every one of them just in case it's the last.

Leaving your mark on the world

2012-05-08T11:41:00.000-07:00

I read today that the writer and illustrator Maurice Sendak has died aged 83.

He's best known for his book Where the Wild Things Are, which since its publication in 1964 has gone on to sell over 19 million copies worldwide. It has quite rightly become a children's classic.

By all accounts Mr Sendak led a full and interesting life, but how wonderful it must be to look back on your life and know that you have left your mark on the world. He has left a legacy that children all over the world will continue to read and enjoy and marvel at, and play Wild Things games about, and dream of.

Maurice Sendak will still be celebrated by children and grown-up children alike for many years to come, and that is something only achieved by very special people.

Goodbye to one of the special people.

Welcome to my pity party

2012-05-05T03:33:00.003-07:00

Warning: this is a very maudlin post. Apologies in advance.

This week I had a very timely reminder that being a single parent isn't all it's cracked up to be. Seriously. If there is anyone out there who thinks being a single parent is a doddle you should have been in my shoes this week because this was the week of The Flu. That's real flu, the sort that completely knocks you sideways and makes you sleep like the dead sort of flu.

On Wednesday I started to feel like I had a cold coming on and took some paracetamol at lunch-time. By 3pm I couldn't stop sneezing and felt hot and shivery at the same time. Thursday morning I felt really unwell, but thought it might be a 24-hour virus and would be out of my system quickly.

Fast forward to Friday morning and I was too weak to even get out of bed. My girls had to walk to school (unheard of!) and even had to walk and feed the dog (also unheard of!). In fact, they have pretty much fended for themselves since Wednesday evening and they've not done a bad job but now we've run out of food, I don't have any cash on me and the earliest supermarket delivery I can arrange is for tomorrow.

Being a single parent is fine for 99% of the time, or at least it is for me. We manage okay, the girls and I, and have found our own ways of getting things done. But as soon as I become ill our well-run lives hit the skids. I'm lucky that they're now older and can at least get some food out of the freezer and cook a meal for themselves. But I'd still like to have someone here who can go to the pharmacy for me, do some shopping, or just give me a big bear hug and tell me everything is ok.

This all sounds very selfish, and I know I'm wallowing in self-pity, but I'm allowed to - I'm not well. It's at times like this I realise how isolated I am. I don't even have any friends nearby that I'd be comfortable calling and asking for help. Today I do feel slightly better (well, I'm blogging so that's got to be an improvement) so hopefully I'll be back to normal in a day or so.

This week I've learned two things about myself.

I'm a loner who gets lonely.
I need to do something to improve my health because I hated being so sick this week.

Okay, end of maudlin rant. As you were.

Why I won't be giving relationship advice to my daughters

2012-04-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Stop press: my daughters are growing up.
No news there, I know, but when your kids grow up their interests also change.

So long gone are the days of dolls, colouring-in and baking fairy cakes, and in their place? Boys. And in the Teenager's case, a boyfriend. And a very nice boy he is too.

But what happens when your children turn to you for advice about relationships? Do you dish out your knowledge gained from years of your own experience of dating, marriage, relationships, etc?

You see my problem is this: I'm really bad at relationships. I've said it before and nothing has changed since then - I just seem to have the gene missing for forming and maintaining happy, stable relationships with men. Just can't do it. My track record is littered with relationships that for one reason went wrong. So I'm reluctant to give my girls relationship advice when I'm clearly not great at it myself. It's like giving singing lessons to someone when you can't hold a tune. (And have you heard me sing?)

Of course I want them to be happy, and I will listen, sympathise and cheer when needed, but giving them advice about situations I clearly have no clue about?...it's not going to happen.
So I've decided for all our sakes to offer my daughters only two pieces of advice. And these are my cast-iron, don't-even-think-of-ignoring-them rules.

1. Never marry a man who doesn't respect his mother.

Pretty straightforward I think. The way a man treats his mother is pretty much his blueprint for how he treats women generally, and that includes you. Even if he treats you well at first, given time he will fall back into his default setting for women.

The only opt out for this is if his mother is a complete nut-job and you have witnessed it with your own eyes.

2. 'He's just not that into you'.

No, not the film because that wasn't great. I refer to the revelation from Sex and the City episode 'Pick a little, talk a little' when Carrie's boyfriend Berger tells Miranda that the reason a man doesn't call isn't because they're 'busy' it's because he's just not that into you. If he want's to see you, he'll call.

So simple and so true, and yet it has taken me many years of waiting by phones and making excuses (and accepting his) to realise that this is good advice. Take it, because if he really likes you he will make the effort to call/visit/see you. If I'd accepted this in my early 20s it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

And here's Miranda passing on the dating gospel to some other women.

Not silent Saturday

2012-04-28T01:58:00.000-07:00

My brother just sent me this photo. Amazing.

Giant Spectacular in Liverpool

2012-04-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

Little Girl Giant

This weekend is quite exciting in Liverpool as there's a fantastic piece of street theatre taking part over 3 days. It started yesterday, and today we went into town to see it for ourselves.

It's all part of Liverpool's commemorations for the recent 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, which was registered in Liverpool and many of the ship's crew were from the city.

The Giant Spectacular was inspired by a letter written by a young girl to her father, who was a steward on the liner. The original letter is on show in Liverpool's Maritime museum, which has a permanent Titanic exhibition.

Jean Luc Courcoult, artistic director of Royal De Luxe, came across the letter and was moved to create this amazing piece of theatre which has been two years in the planning.

Xolo

The girl, called Little Girl Giant, is walking around Liverpool on a quest to learn news of her father who died on the ill-fated Titanic. She is accompanied by her dog, Xolo. The photos don't show the movements of the puppets, with lifelike eye movements and gestures and the dog's wagging tail!

The puppets are operated by the red-coated Lilliputians
from the Royale de Luxe theatre company

She stopped for a while to swing children on her arms

Unbeknown to the Little Girl Giant, her Uncle made a promise to scour the ocean floor for the shipwreck and put his brother to rest, and in doing so discovered a letter written by him to his beloved daughter. The Giant Uncle arrives in Liverpool and starts looking for the girl.

The Giant Uncle taking a rest outside St. George's Hall

Tomorrow, Sunday 22nd, they will finally meet up, say goodbye to Liverpool and sail by boat down the River Mersey.

The new garden in spring

2012-04-15T05:22:00.001-07:00

We moved into this house at the very end of October last year, when there was no colour in the garden except for the tail end of the lavenders.

I wrote about the new garden in January and and looking back at it now it looks quite bare, with just a couple of splashes of colour. But 3 months later, I'm starting to see the garden blossom.

The only thing I've done in the garden so far is to tidy the borders a little, cut back the leggy lavender plants and remove some of the dead leaves from last year. I have some ideas for planting, but I'm going to hold off until I've seen how the garden progresses throughout the summer.

Dreams Beds: the sorry tale of the bed not suitable to sleep in

2012-04-13T10:26:00.012-07:00

One of the things I was most excited about when we moved house last October was that the new house had an extra room for guests to stay. A guest bedroom, small but perfectly formed.

It wasn't first on my list of rooms to decorate, but pretty near the top of the list because I have a number of friends who are keen to visit and stay over; these friends live too far away to get a taxi home after a boozy dinner and when we visit them they have somewhere for us to stay.

So, just before Christmas I took advantage of an offer on the Dreams website offering sales prices and free delivery. I chose this bed for the guest room. I liked the look of it, and for occasional use I thought it would do the job.

First problem: delivery. I agreed a date for delivery, a day I wasn't going to be at work. I also paid an extra £29 for assembly.

Four days before the agreed delivery date, I was woken at 7.30am by two delivery men with the new bed. I showed them the bedroom where they could set the bed up. "We're just dropping the bed off" said Mr Delivery Man "don't know anything about assembling it, not our job."

Second problem: getting through to Customer Services at Dreams. I phoned....and phoned...I was put on hold several times, I rang the Sales lines and was told by a very abrupt man that he couldn't answer my questions because "I'm sales, not customer services". When I explained that I couldn't get through to the ironically named 'Customer Services' he told me he was going to have to put the phone down because I was blocking the sales line.

Third problem: getting someone to help. I took to Twitter - this is where it comes into its own. I started writing about the poor service and very soon a very nice woman called Sarah got in touch and tried to sort things out. She arranged for a contractor (not employed by Dreams) to come and assemble the bed at a date convenient to me. She also, very kindly, refunded the cost of the bed assembly which went some way to repairing the inconvenience thus far.

On the agreed date, he arrived and the bed was assembled. Hurrah!!

I was relieved and pleased, the bed looked good but...what was this, the frame didn't seem very sturdy and I was able to move the foot board without the rest of the bed moving with it. Very odd.

Anyhoo....I set about decorating the room in time for our first guests, scheduled to arrive next weekend.

Dreams Beds: poor quality.
Note how the wooden slats have fallen through the metal base

Today, I had finished the room and was hanging curtains, bringing in accessories and generally finishing off the room. Just as I was about to put the bedlinen on the bed, my brother came in to have a look. "Looks nice" he said, and sat on the edge of the bed which promptly gave way beneath him.

Yes, my brother is 6' 3" and a big lad (although certainly not fat) but he only sat on the edge of the bed and the wooden slats broke straight through the metal base. God forbid that didn't happen when my visitors were here!

Fourth problem: getting someone at Dreams to help resolve the problem. I explained to their customer services person "I have a broken bed, guests arriving next weekend, and the whole process has been a nightmare from start to finish".

She offered me a 'bargain' divan base as a replacement. I declined, having already had a poor quality bed I wasn't confident that would be a decent quality and frankly, it wasn't really the look I wanted. As a compromise I suggested that perhaps this one might be a better quality and could I have that one? She informed me that I would have to pay the £20 difference in cost. WHAT???!!!

I asked to speak to her manager, and was left on hold for several minutes. The manager, Chantelle, told me exactly the same as her colleague - she was "sorry" that the bed wasn't suitable, but they could only offer what had been suggested.

I mentioned the inconvenience to me, the numerous phone calls, the amount of time I had wasted trying to resolve the issue, and - most importantly - the fact that the bed was 'not fit for purpose'. Could they, in view of those things, be a little more flexible and offer me my suggested (although not ideal) choice of bed? A big fat NO was the answer.

And so instead I have asked them to collect their shoddy bed and refund my money. They say they are going to call me 'tomorrow, or maybe Monday' to arrange collection. Yeah, whatever.

Meanwhile, still panicking due to my guests arriving next weekend, I went to my local furniture shop this afternoon, ordered a bed and asked them to deliver it. It was delivered and assembled for free just TWO HOURS later (they also part dismantled the Dreams bed, which they said was missing a central metal supporting rod).

How's that for customer service, Dreams?

UPDATE 18/4/12: A very pleasant man called Pete became involved in this mess, he is employed by Dreams and seems to be a colleague of Sarah who is mentioned in the blog post. They must be responsible for trying to clean up some of the customer service blunders at Dreams, which must keep them very busy.

Pete kept to his word, phoned me when agreed, and organised a refund for the cost of the bed. When I asked if they would compensate me for my wasted time, numerous phone calls and inconvenience he offered to refund my phone calls (subject to me providing an 'itemised phone bill') and some in-store vouchers. I declined the offer for 2 reasons a) I don't want to waste any more of my time because of Dreams so wasn't prepared to get an itemised phone bill; b) I don't intend to ever set foot in a Dreams shop ever again so the in-store vouchers would be wasted on me.

And finally, I had a call today from Dreams' courier asking if they could collect the faulty bed on Thursday. Thing is, they'd already collected it 2 days ago.

Recipe: the best meatballs ever!

2012-04-12T03:11:00.002-07:00

You might be surprised to see another recipe on my blog only days after the last one but here's the thing: I'm not a very confident cook, so if I try a recipe that works I just feel the need to share it. And this is a good 'un.

Tall Daughter loves meatballs, and I've tried a couple of recipes before with varying degrees of success (from 'yuk!' to 'they were okay') so I ~~pinched~~ borrowed this one from Mum Reinvented who cooks these meatballs regularly for her family. I've reproduced her recipe (with her very kind permission of course) with my comments in italics. The photos are mine!

Ingredients
For the meatballs:
■ 1 onion peeled and finely chopped
■ small bunch fresh parsley, finely chopped (didn't have fresh, so used dried)
■ 2 cloves garlic, peeled and finely chopped
■ 500g minced pork (or a combination of pork and beef mince)
■ 2 egg yolks
■ 50g breadcrumbs (I used one slice of bread in a mini chopper)
For the sauce:
■ 1 x 400g tin chopped tomatoes or a bottle of passata (I used a bottle of passata with herbs)
■ 1 onion peeled and finely chopped
■ 1 red and 1 green pepper, finely chopped
■ 1 clove garlic, peeled and finely chopped
■ A glug of wine (my wine seemed to have disappeared *shocked face* so just added some water)
■ 1 beef stock cube
■ Approx 10cm worth of chorizo chopped into rounds then quartered
■ 1 tbsp sweet paprika, sounds a lot but as it’s sweet not hot it add a lovely flavour rather than spice. (Arrghhh, forgot to add this!)
■ Dried or fresh parsley

Instructions
Start by making the meatballs. In a pan heat some olive oil and gently fry the onion for a few minutes. Once softened add the garlic and continue to cook until the onion is see through. Allow to cool in a mixing bowl then combine with the mince, breadcrumbs, egg yolks and parsley. Season with salt and pepper. Mix with your hands and form into 24 balls. (They were quick big and very filling, so I think next time I will make around 30 smaller balls). Pop them into the fridge for half an hour to firm up.

Next start on your sauce. Heat some olive oil in the pan and fry the onions and peppers until softened. Add the meatballs and brown on each side. Add the chorizo and garlic and cook for a minute or two before adding the wine and tomatoes or passata. Crumble in the stock cube, add the paprika and parsley and stir, adding water if required. Bring to the boil then cook over a medium head for half an hour until the sauce is reduced and the meatballs are cooked through. This recipe creates delicious juicy meatballs in a rich tomato sauce packed with flavour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And I have to say they were absolutely delicious! I served them with spaghetti, but any type of pasta would be fine. They were a big hit with my two fussy daughters, and the Teenager's boyfriend who gave them 8 out of 10. He's been invited back!

Freaks: short stories by Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring

2012-04-11T00:29:00.002-07:00

By Caroline Smailes & Nik Perring,
illustrated by Darren Craske

Once again I'm chuffed to be able to host a short story from a new book.

FREAKS is a bizarre collection of short stories each featuring a character with a superpower.

These darkly humorous stories explore the more disturbing consequences of ordinary, flawed human beings obtaining superpowers.

Meet The Photocopier, a woman who can reproduce herself at will and attempts to teach her daughter to do the same. The man who can break his way into his lovers dream and the woman in My Little Pony pants who likes to be ridden like a Pony (ooerrr!).

There are over fifty freaks and misfits featured in the book which is a collaboration between Caroline Smailes (Like Bees to Honey) and Nik Perring (Not So Perfect) and illustrated by Darren Craske. Stories aren’t credited so the reader is left to guess which is written by Caroline or Nik.

Invisible

[Super Power: The ability to make oneself unseen to the naked eye]

If I stay totally still,

if I stand right tall,

with me back against the school wall,

close to the science room’s window,

with me feet together,

pointing straight,

aiming forward,

if I make me hands into tight fists,

make me arms dead straight,

if I push me arms into me sides,

if I squeeze me thighs,

stop me wee,

if me belly doesn’t shake,

if me boobs don’t wobble,

if I close me eyes tight,

so tight that it makes me whole face scrunch,

if I push me lips into me mouth,

if I make me teeth bite me lips together,
if I hardly breathe,

if I don’t say a word.

Then,

I’ll magic meself invisible,

and them lasses will leave me alone.

Paperback Published 12 April 2012, £6.99. The Friday Project ISBN 978-0-00-744289-8

My Easter weekend in pictures

2012-04-10T02:30:00.000-07:00

Recipe: Indulgent Victoria sponge cake

2012-04-08T11:58:00.003-07:00

For Easter Sunday I thought I'd make a bit of an effort. I don't bake very often, but today - because my sister and her fella were coming to visit - I decided to make a Victoria sandwich cake. I just don't do complicated recipes so this one seemed about right for a day when I was also making a roast dinner for everyone.

I looked at a couple of recipes, but in the end I had to go with a Nigella recipe because she specified self-raising flour and that was all I had, although I did make some small adjustments. I'm not always keen on Nigella's recipes because the results are a bit inconsistent from my experience, but this one was fine.

The best bit, cleaning out the bowl

Victoria Sponge
225g caster sugar
225g self raising flour
225g soft, unsalted butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 large eggs
3-4 tablespoons milk
2 x 21cm sandwich tins, buttered and lined on the base

My choice of filling: good quality strawberry jam.
Several fresh strawberries, whipping cream, and
icing sugar for the topping.

Cream the butter and sugar together until smooth. Add the vanilla extract and then the eggs, one at a time with a spoonful of the flour between each one. Fold in the rest of the flour and add the milk if the mixture seems a bit dry.

Pour the batter into the prepared tins and bake in a pre-heated gas mark 4/180°c for 25-30 mins until the cakes are beginning to come away at the edges and are springy to the touch on top. You can also check by inserting a cake tester (I use a cocktail stick) and if it comes out clean the cake is done.

Leave the cakes in their tins on a wire rack for 10 minutes before turning out and leaving to cool completely.

While I was waiting for the cakes to cool I hulled and sliced the strawberries and put them in a bowl with some caster sugar. I whipped the cream until thickened but not too stiff.

When cool put one layer on your plate (I like to use my Mum's old glass cakestand) spread on the jam and place a layer of the fruit on top. Pile the whipped cream into a thick layer and squidge the top layer of cake on top. Finish with a sprinkle of icing sugar.
Serves 8.

This was an easy recipe and the cake looked quite impressive so I'll be using this one again.

Managing your money as a single parent

2012-04-06T08:07:00.003-07:00

There is a wealth of information and advice available to single parents, and I hope some of the links below will help you if you are already a single parent or in the process of becoming a single parent.

Maintenance
It's crucial to get this sorted as early on as possible, as it shocked me to find out that only two-fifths of single parents receive maintenance from their ex-partner.

From personal experience the CSA (Child Support Agency) were less than useless when I became a single parent in 2003, and I spent the first 3 years without any payments at all from my ex-husband. There's plenty of advice on this Child Maintenance website as well as the Gingerbread and One Space sites.

Employment
Many single parents work part-time (myself included) and there are laws that protect the employment rights of the part-time worker. I've experienced some discrimination as a part-time worker, mainly due to ignorance of my employer at the time so equip yourself with the right information. This TUC website gives information on how equal rights for part-time workers includes pay, holidays, redundancy, pensions and training. Don't forget, the law is on your side.

Benefits
The recent budget changes to Working Tax Credit are listed here, and although many of the changes will make a difference to couples with children you should still check and make sure you're getting your full entitlement.

Money
Make sure you are getting everything you are entitled to and that includes free school meals for your child/ren. There are lots of parents who don't realise they are entitled - don't be embarrassed about applying for them, they can make a considerable difference to your weekly budget.

For general information on a whole host of subjects affecting single parents, these website offer all you should need.

One Space has a really good website, full of information and support for single parents. They also have a solicitor available to give legal advice, as well as links to local services in your area.

There is also a number of e-learning courses for single parents including the Freedom programme for people who have experienced domestic abuse, life coaching, ways into work and how to build your CV.

Gingerbread is a great place to find support on a whole range of subjects. Their website offers information on money, housing, relationships and benefits and they also have a variety of fact sheets that can be downloaded. Recently they launched an email advice package for single parents including a new one about child maintenance. Gingerbread also offer a helpline, information on local support groups and a discussion forum.

The DirectGov website also offers specific information on financial help for lone parents, including income support, child maintenance and childcare costs.

Scrotum stuffed toy, and other ways to find my blog

2012-04-05T08:21:00.002-07:00

I have to confess to being ~~totally~~ slightly obsessed with my blog stats. I check them at least once a day (I know, I need another hobby) and can identify my most regular visitors - hello Woking, Surrey! *waves* - and other more unusual ones (the Houses of Parliament being one of them).

Anyhoo, it's when looking at the stats that I get to see how people have arrived at my blog via their google searches., and these are some of the more..erm, shall we say, unusual ways people have found me.

First up I give you this one:

Scrotum stuffed toy eh? Why would you even be looking for one of those? No, actually, don't answer that. But note how my blog is destination number 7 on the google list for that one *proud face*.

How about this one then:

Oh, if only it were that simple! A quick visit to Tesco's for 2 kilos of sex please, and don't give me any of that fatty stuff. Ah yes.

Or this one, which is actually my favourite:

First of all, why would anybody search for that when my blog is totally devoid of photos of big tits, but - and this is what gets me - how the hell did they know I am of ample bosoms? Answers on a postcard please

Oh google searches*, I do love you :-)

*other search engines are available...

Raising teenage daughters

2012-04-03T13:40:00.002-07:00

allposters

I'm not sure how this happened but I appear to have two teenage daughters. Well, I have a 15 year old and a 12 year old - not quite a teenager, but a tweenager - but you catch my drift.

Ask anyone with who's raised teenagers and they'll tell you that it's a tricky time. Tricky, tricky, tricky. But ask for any specific tips on how best to survive unscathed and, well, they tend to have forgotten what it was like. I like to think it's a bit like childbirth - painful at the time, but it soon passes, we forget the pain and we're left feeling relieved it's over. And so it is with raising teenagers.

A few years ago I attended a training day led by an educational psychologist who said something that shocked me. She asked if any of us had daughters, and then said "it doesn't matter how lovely your daughter is right now, but when she gets to 14 you won't like her." Harsh I thought, very harsh and clearly she doesn't get on with her daughter.

But a few years later, when the Teenager turned 14 and those hormones kicked in I remembered her words. And since then there have been plenty of times when I really haven't liked the Teenager very much at all. She has the ability to drive me to distraction with her regular demands, laziness and untidy, festering bedroom. She has a vile temper, she can be inconsiderate and quite harsh with her sister. She is extremely opinionated on most things, particularly me - how sad, unfashionable and how uncool I am. Her behaviour can be horrible. Her tone of voice also, horrible and she has tons of attitude. And don't even get me started on her tantrums when she has to do the occasional chore.

But here's the thing - she's a great girl.

She's clever, funny, does well at school, and is a great judge of character. She's very sociable, always out with friends and - by all accounts - a good friend to her friends.

And most of all I admire her for her strength of character, she's feisty ( I bloody love that word, and the fact I can use it for my own daughter) and of course that's why we clash so much. She's been like that since she was a toddler and I used to say I didn't want to break her spirit - and thank God we didn't because I'm convinced it will stand her in good stead in the future.

She's good company and able to talk to adults in a mature way, and I've never had anyone comment on her behaviour (outside the home at least!) other than in a positive light.

I'm totally and completely proud of her. I tell her everyday that I love her, and even when I don't like her behaviour she knows that that love is unwavering.

Yes, okay, we still have a long way to go before we emerge from the teenage years - especially as Tall Daughter is already on the turn but all in all I think we'll survive. Just.

Silent Sunday

2012-04-01T03:55:00.000-07:00

HELP! Can you think of a new tagline?

2012-03-31T03:23:00.002-07:00

I need a bit of help.

Yeah, not that sort of help but help with this blog. When I had this blog revamped last year I left off the old tagline which was 'Tales of an Unfit Mother'. I quite liked it, but because it had been inspired by my ex-husband calling me an unfit mother on more than one occasion I decided it had outstayed its welcome. He's also called me 'a dried-up old whore' (and various other insults) and I don't want to use those either.

So, I'm calling on all of my brilliantly witty blogging friends to help me find another one. Something witty, relevant and maybe mentioning single-parenting? But don't be restricted by that idea, I'm just looking for inspired genius! Simples.

Sadly, there isn't a prize for coming up with the winning tagline - just the satisfaction of knowing you've made my blogging world a better place.

Go on, have a go....

Silent Sunday

2012-03-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

The small stuff

2012-03-24T11:50:00.007-07:00

I read a brilliant blog post recently by the lovely Sandy Calico where she listed her 'small stuff'. As Sandy explains:

"Sometimes we spend far too much of our precious time preoccupied with the big stuff. Of course this is important, but what really matters is the small stuff."

She's right. So here's a list of my small stuff, the little things in life that make me happy.
Venison. A glass of rioja. Organic cider. Kettle chips. Fresh orange juice first thing in the morning. Toast. Room temperature water. Scones with jam and clotted cream. Ikea meatballs.

John Lewis. Lattes. Leather gloves. Bookshops. A soft new scarf. The sensation of falling asleep. My bed. Early nights. Sleeping with the window open. A tidy bedroom. Lying on the bed and chatting with Tall Daughter before she goes to sleep.

Walnut cake. Walnut whips. Chocolate covered peanuts. Toffee ice-cream. Whole nut chocolate. Anything with pecan nuts.

Cavalleria Rusticana. David Bowie. Thin Lizzy. African drumming. John Mayer. Singing along to Alicia Keys. Thinking I can sing like Alicia Keys. The Hounds of Love. When the Teenager borrows my CDs.

Neck rubs. Holding hands. Cuddling. Shiatsu massage. Clinique. Walking the dog in the sunshine. Greyhounds running at close range. Wildflowers.

Emerald green. Duck egg blue. The scent of old English roses. Blue irises. Tulips, any colour. Vanilla scented candles. Ghost perfume. Painted toe nails. Converse.

The sound of waves lapping on a shoreline. Sitting on a British beach. Walking barefoot. Irish accents. Hearing a baby laugh. Children singing in assembly. Driving in Ireland. Kinsale.

Warm spring days. Having the back doors open. Sitting in the garden. Pottering. A new magazine and a cup of tea. The clunk of the letter box that says the postman has just been. Handwritten letters. Parcels.

Scott and Bailey. Musicals. Gene Kelly. Watching old episodes of Friends. Home restoration programmes. George Clarke. Tester pots. Laura Ashley home department. Cutting out photos from magazines and keeping them for inspiration. Funny fridge magnets.

Wearing linen in the summer. Orla Kiely. A new bar of soap. Hot showers. Weekends away. Laughter. Cushions. Reading a blog post that makes me think.

notSupermum

A visit to my spiritual home

Lorraine Pascale's recipe for chilli con carne

Why parenting classes are not the answer

Win a pair of running shoes!

Children, bedtime rituals and growing up too fast

Leaving your mark on the world

Welcome to my pity party

Why I won't be giving relationship advice to my daughters

Not silent Saturday

Sponsored video: how to get to the finale of Britain's Got Talent

Giant Spectacular in Liverpool

Sponsored video: how to talk to your teenager about alcohol

The new garden in spring

Dreams Beds: the sorry tale of the bed not suitable to sleep in

Recipe: the best meatballs ever!

Freaks: short stories by Caroline Smailes and Nik Perring

My Easter weekend in pictures

Recipe: Indulgent Victoria sponge cake

Managing your money as a single parent

Scrotum stuffed toy, and other ways to find my blog

Raising teenage daughters

Silent Sunday

HELP! Can you think of a new tagline?

Silent Sunday

The small stuff