notSupermum

Guest post ~ Five reasons coffee makers rock

2013-06-20T08:57:00.002+01:00

We all know that England’s had more than a little catching up to do when it comes to good coffee. Thankfully, nowadays it can’t be disputed that we are a newborn nation of coffee drinkers and whilst you may still be fumbling for the instant variety every single morning, coffee makers are becoming more and more popular across the country – especially with us mums.

To understand the phenomenon, here are five reasons why coffee makers simply rock.

1. Great taste

First and foremost, the most important thing about coffee is the way it tastes. With a coffee maker, such as a Tassimo from Bosch, you can be sure that every single cup is perfect. The T Discs which you use to make the coffee come in hundreds of strengths and varieties, from rocket-strong espressos to gentler strengths and aromas.

2. They save time

One of the most important things when you’re making your morning coffee is not only than you get the best tasting cup but that also that it’s made quickly. With a coffee maker and its clever on-board technology, this is not a problem.

Coffee makers heat much faster than standard kettles, meaning all you have to do is pop in your T Disc, place your mug underneath, wait a few brief moments and then it’s ready. For mums with little ones to look after, this is convenience and practicality at its best.

3. They look great

Modern coffee machines also look great on the kitchen counter. Their seamless ergonomic design fits nicely into modern kitchens so we mums can enjoy a fresh brew and a stylish kitchen simultaneously. Taking up a minimal amount of space, if you’ve been searching for the ultimate kitchen accessory that is both beautiful and functional then coffee makers could well be what you need.

4. Intelligent brewing

On of the most amazing features of coffee machines is their ability to intelligently brew every single cup of coffee. With Tassimo, the T Disc on the refill is scanned by the machine to calculate the exact amount of water, required temperature and boil time needed to create the perfect cup.

5. They are easy to clean

For any mum, cleaning is one of the biggest chores to try and fit round a hectic schedule. When it comes to cleaning the machine, you’ll be amazed at the ease with which the job can be completed – meaning you get all of the perks of a fresh cup of coffee to start your day without any problems.

A bully, a turning point and realising I've been an idiot.

2013-06-18T13:16:00.001+01:00

On Sunday I realised two things.

1. I've been a coward.

2. I've been really, really stupid.

I'm a coward because for over ten years I've enabled someone to bully me. I didn't fight back because I was scared of what they might do and - ridiculously - what people might think. I thought some of the people who'd previously referred to me as a 'strong woman' would look at me differently. And I was right about that because someone I call a friend already has.

I'm stupid because as crazy as it sounds I thought that by not fighting back I was protecting my daughters.

The the truth is, it's had the opposite effect. I should have stopped the bullying years ago, but I didn't.

But on Sunday there was a turning point. Something in me changed and instead of keeping my head down and thinking I didn't have the strength to deal with it alone, I confronted my bully and starting fighting back. It was incredibly scary, but I did it.

And I'm going to continue to fight back. About time too, right?

In Maria's name ~ time to take action

2013-06-17T16:42:00.000+01:00

Fact: two women are killed every week by their current or former partner.

Two women. Every single week.

That statistic sends shivers down my spine. How can this still be happening in this day and age?

You may have read about this distressing case recently, the case of Maria Stubbings who was murdered in 2008 by Mark Chivers – a man already known to the police for killing another woman.The details of the case are very distressing, particularly as she had tried to get protection from the police.

~ Marc Chivers killed Maria just 11 months after being released from prison in Germany for killing a previous girlfriend. He was released from prison in January 2008 without any condition and deported to the UK. Essex police were aware of Marc Chivers' previous conviction for domestic murder.

~ In July 2007 Chivers assaulted Maria and was prosecuted and convicted. Before Chivers release from prison, Essex police disabled an alarm in Maria's home. On his release, no conditions were placed on Chivers and no steps were taken by Essex police to provide protection for Maria.

~ A friend of Maria called the police in early December 2007 to express concern about her but the police took no action.

~ On 11th December 2007 Maria called the police to report that Chivers was 'hanging around' her home and had entered it and stolen items from her handbag. The call was logged as urgent but then downgraded. The case was closed after officers visited Maria's home and got her to sign their notebooks saying she didn't want further action taken, despite the fact that they believed Chivers might be present at the time in Maria's home.

~ On 14th December, a domestic violence officer saw the police log and became concerned about Maria. After a series of ineffective visits, officers finally visited on 19th December with specific orders to search the property and arrest Chivers for burglary. Maria's body was found.

Her family are calling on the Home Secretary to launch a public inquiry into the response of the police and other state agencies to women and children who experience domestic violence.

The sad fact is that 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence at some point in their lives. That statistic means that you know someone who has either experienced it or is experiencing it now.

You can help them by signing an e-petition asking the Home Secretary to open the public inquiry.

Please take a minute - it literally takes just a minute - to sign the petition here. Every single signature matters and could help women in the future. Let's take some action.

The garden in June ~ plus win a £100 gardening kit!

2013-06-16T21:34:00.000+01:00

I've managed to dodge the rain showers this weekend to do a bit of gardening, and along with admiring the flowers already in bloom I've been doing a bit of grafting.

I'm trying bring more colour into the garden so I've been looking around for some decent sized plants that will produce flowers this summer.

There's a small plant nursery local to me where the plants are always very healthy and about half of the price elsewhere.

This Iris 'Shirley Pope' was just £3.99 and is already quite established. I decided to put it next to the David Austin rose I bought (in the sale section) a few months back and which has already quadrupled in size.

Tip: take a look in the sales sections in gardening centres for plants that might just need a bit of TLC.

The rose itself has loads of buds on it but I noticed they're all covered in aphids.

I don't like to use a lot of chemicals in the garden so I looked around and bought a plant based bug spray and they've been getting blasted over the past few days.

I'm really looking forward to seeing this rose in flower, it's a new addition to the garden and I love old-fashioned roses with a strong fragrance.

Tip: follow these instructions on how to make your own organic aphid repellent.

The tree that gives most of the dappled shade, which is always very welcome in a south-facing garden, is looking very top heavy.

I think it's definitely a job for a tree surgeon, but in the meantime I took some of the very low overhanging branches off.

They were so low they were actually touching some of the flowers in the beds, so I used my loppers to cut off a few at the very bottom.

Tip: buy the best quality tools you can afford, they make jobs like this so much easier.

I love this curved border, and it also has the most colour, but it tends to get a bit overcrowded in the summer.

I decided to thin out some of the acquilegia, which are beautiful but grow like weeds, to make way for something new.

The pink arrow in the photo below points to the new addition to the border, Echinacea purpurea Praire Splendour, which hopefully will be the same colour as the arrow. The Echinacea was bought from the same local nursery for the same price, £3.99.

Tip: order starter plants earlier in the year to keep the cost even lower.

I've got quite a good selection of garden tools and most of them were my Dad's. I love using his old weathered spade, and it feels good to be using the tools he used to tend our family garden. It feels right to be carrying on his love of gardening.

Fortunately for me, Dad bought good quality garden tools and looked after them which means they're still in great condition. I still keep them clean and wipe blades over with a multi-purpose oil after each use. Tip: looking after your garden tools will keep them in good order and prolong their life.

So although I'm pretty well supplied with garden tools, I was very excited when I was contacted by Plant Me Now the UK's fastest growing online garden centre. They very kindly offered to supply one lucky person with £100 worth of gardening equipment as a competition prize.

I was asked to select a gardening kit and here's what I picked out: a good quality stainless steel garden fork and garden spade; a stainless steel hand trowel and hand fork; some essential bypass secateurs; garden shears, and a pair of gardening gloves. These are the things I use most of all in my garden, so I reckoned it would make a decent kit for someone!

All you have to do to be in with a chance of winning is to leave a comment below with your best summer gardening tip. It could be about any aspect of gardening, so get thinking and let me know what yours is.

Don't forget to leave either your twitter or email address so I can easily contact you if you win!

The competition is open for entries until 8pm on Monday 24th June 2013. Good luck!

You can follow Plant Me Now on Twitter, and they have a Facebook page which is great if you have any gardening queries.

Terms and conditions: UK entries only. There is no cash alternative and the prize cannot be transferred. I will select the winner from the entries provided and my decision is final. If the winner does not respond with their details within 7 days I reserve the right to select a new winner. The gardening kit will be sent to the winner's home address by Plant Me Now, and they are responsible for fulfilling the prize.

Disclosure: I have received no payment or payment in kind to run this competition, I'm doing it because it's such a great prize!

How to buy wine and save money with Tesco Wine Co-buys

2013-06-14T15:06:00.000+01:00

I don't drink beer or spirits but I do like a glass of wine. I like two glasses even better, but although I'm not a big drinker I always enjoy choosing a bottle of wine for the weekend.

I always have an upper limit in mind for how much I want to spend on a bottle, so I was very interested to read about this idea from Tesco. They've set up Tesco Wine Co-buys which is a new way of buying wine. The more people who buy together, the cheaper the price gets and - get this - whoever brings in the most people gets their wine for free. THAT'S FREE WINE!

This little video explains the whole idea of co-buying:

Just remember that you have to sign-up for alerts, spread the word to friends to encourage more people to buy, and if you can't see any wines you like on the list you can always request a co-buy of your own choice.

Now excuse me while I go and have a gander at the list of wines currently on offer...

Disclosure: I am a Tesco Wine Brands ambassador

The garden in June ~ how does your garden grow?

2013-06-13T09:35:00.001+01:00

This week has seen an explosion of colour in the garden, so I'm taking the lazy route this week and just posting photos of the best blooms this week. Enjoy :)

In order from the top: Foxglove purpurea excelsior; Allium purple sensation; Kousa dogwood; acquilegia; allium aflatuense; tulip; clematis montana rubens; peony.

Oh, and keep an eye on the blog for news of a competition to win gardening equipment! Coming this weekend.

I'm joining in with the weekly gardening linky at Mammasaurus' place, take a look at some of the beautiful gardens on display.

Being a single parent ~ The one where I go on the radio

2013-06-10T22:18:00.000+01:00

So yesterday I got an email asking me if I'd like to take part in a discussion on the Radio 5 Live, as you do.

The subject of the discussion was about the lack of male role models in many children's lives and asking "Is a mum enough?" This is ahead of a report out later this week by the Centre for Social Justice which outlines the extent of family breakdown and the rise of single parents families.

I wanted to make sure that it wasn't going to be a confrontational discussion, and also was curious about who else would be taking part. The producer, Charlotte, told me that it would be a friendly 'adult' discussion and they wouldn't be having anyone like mouth-on-a-stick Katie Hopkins who'd been on the show the previous evening. Phew! I was told it would be me, a single parent dad called Andy and the show's resident psychotherapist Rachel Morris. I thought it might be worth a try, and I liked the producer so I agreed to do it.

I prepared a few key points that I wanted to make, as advised by @exmoorjane, and kept the notepad close by in case of panic!

The presenter Stephen Nolan started off by introducing everyone, including someone called Sean and I wondered who he was, but he then corrected himself and I realised he meant me, Jean.

The question "Do children really need a man in their lives?" was posed to Rachel, the psychotherapist, who said she thought they did because otherwise children were raised not understanding the man's role or how to interact with men.

I was asked the same question and my reply was something like "Yes, but a male role model doesn't have to be the father, it could be a family friend, uncle, etc. I think children do need some positive role models of both sexes but not necessarily the father, especially if he is a negative influence."

So far so good, I thought.

Unfortunately, the previous discussion had overrun by several minutes and we ran out of time so I didn't get to say anything else (and neither did Andy, the other single parent). Naturally, I had other amazingly insightful points to make but they were left on the notepad and never aired.

So, just to finish off what I started saying before I was rudely interrupted by the news and sports bulletin, here they are:

I would rather my children had no male role model than a bad one;
there are many gay couples with children who successfully raise children in same-sex households;
the main priority is that children have positive influences in their lives - whoever they are, male or female - and have opportunities to spend time with people who inspire and support them as well as leading by example;
I'm dismayed that once again the emphasis is on how single parents (and at the last census, 92% of single parents were female) are somehow failing to bring up children successfully;
Where are the support mechanisms for these so-called failing parents? Suzanne Moore wrote about this more eloquently than I ever could when she asked why single parents are vilified rather than given a leg up;
Why don't the Government and the media ask why absent parents aren't doing more for their children? Why are they not held to account? Why, when these errant parents fail to support their children, are they allowed to get off scot free? ;
And can we please stop laying the blame at the foot of the parent who is staying with the children and doing the best they can?

That's what I would have said if I'd have had the chance. What do you think, do all children need men in their lives?

If you fancy listening to the show yourself, you can listen again for the next 6 days, and the segment in question starts at 1hr 23 minutes in. And btw, I'm fairly sure I don't sound like that in real life.

Silent Sunday ~ 9/6/13

2013-06-09T10:26:00.000+01:00

Interesting stuff from around t'internet #5

2013-06-07T09:55:00.000+01:00

Image from Pinterest

22 unbelievable places on earth.

You think this is an innocent little cereal ad, right? No, this TV unleased a torrent of racial hatred when it was shown in the US because it showed an interracial family. Yep, in 2013 some people are still shocked when black people and white people marry...*sigh*

These hyperrealistic sculptures by Ron Mueck are fascinating and slightly creepy at the same time.

11 compound word errors that might make you look like an numbskull.

102 year old woman base jumps off bridge. Yep.

55 incredible TV screenshots. Number 12...*juvenile snort*

Karl Lagerfeld wants to marry his cat. As you do.

I saw this lovely lady on the BBC news last week. 91 year old grandmother is the world's oldest DJ.

There's a dinosaur called Kevin. Honest.

Chuck Norris hates waiting for the bus.

Some of the stunning entries for the 2013 National Geographic Traveller Photo contest. Numbers 5 and 8....wow!

And finally, if this little video doesn't make you smile you must have a heart of stone - a 2 year old boys sings the Beatles' Don't Let me Down with his dad. Bless.

The garden in June ~ tea, biscuits and enjoying the evening sunshine

2013-06-06T09:47:00.003+01:00

This is the time of year when a bit of weeding, mowing, tidying up and dead-heading is all that's needed and the rest of the time can be spent.....well, drinking tea. There's nothing better than coming home from work, taking a cup of tea into the garden and having a look at what the garden's been doing all day.

My gardening nemesis

Actually, I did do a big of digging this week too. You may remember the shrub that outstayed its welcome, well I had to go to plan B because I haven't been able to get rid of it.

The roots are so deep that nobody has been able to dig it up (me, my brother, the gardener who came to lay the lawn) so I'm going to have to try and work around it.

Hopefully, because it was chopped right back, it won't grow as big as it was last year and I've put in other more colourful plants nearby. So far I've planted a dicentra spectabilis; the forget-me-nots I bought last week; and a David Austin rose that was half-price in a gardening centre. There's also an as yet unidentified plant growing from underneath the log pile, it might be a peony. Not sure yet.

So, the shrub has won. It's staying, for now.

The £50 Room for Improvement challenge ~ before and after

2013-06-03T12:11:00.002+01:00

Last week I took on the challenge of updating a room on a budget of £50, sponsored by Money Supermarket. The Room for Improvement challenge has really caught the imagination of lots of other bloggers too, and I've seen some fantastic makeovers on the limited budget.

Here's what I bought with my £50:

Seaside print ~ £15 from Next
Beach huts cushion ~ £12, also from Next
Graham & Brown emulsion (colour is Jewel in the Crown) ~ £15 from Wilkinsons
Primer ~ £6.95 also from Wilkinson
Total spend = £48.95

I already had white satinwood paint, brilliant white emulsion, plus other accessories and bits and pieces.

Okay, so it was harder than I thought to get all the work done in time.

I decided in my wisdom to try and decorate without moving all of the furniture out of the room. Big mistake. It would have been so much easier to clear the room but I didn't have the brute force to do it, or anywhere to put it all. Plus, it was half-term and I had to spend some time doing other things with my daughters. Tsk.

Just to remind you, I tackled the dining room which was okay but ever since pinning this picture a few months ago I've been keen to use that dark teal colour in one of the rooms and the dining room seemed ideal. It's a very sunny room, south-facing and leading onto the garden and two of the walls were already brown so I thought it might take a darker tone.

Here's the dining room before:

Here's the work in progress photos:

I chose a dark colour that needed two coats, plus the other walls needed two coats of white - so quite a long painting process. Plus I sanded, primed and repainted the woodwork and painted over some of the dark woodwork that I really didn't like. In the end though I decided not to paint the archway between the kitchen and dining room because it' natural wood with a clear varnish, whereas the other dark woodwork was stained a nasty dark colour.

Even though two of the walls were 'white' as soon as we applied a bit of brilliant white to the wall it became obvious that it wasn't white after all but a creamy colour, so two coats of white were needed to freshen it up.

As soon as I applied the teal to the wall I liked it, but when I painted the whole wall I started getting a bit nervous. It's a strong colour - and I'm sure not to everyone's taste - but I hoped it would work. I also primed and painted the windowsill to brighten it up a bit. Oh, and I washed and ironed the curtains!

Tip: if you have to take an overnight break between painting emulsion the easiest way to keep the brush fresh is to wrap it in cling film. No need to wash the brush out, in fact better if you don't because when you go back to painting the next day it doesn't splash the paint around. Next day, take the cling film off and away you go.

I finished the room late last night, and took these photos this morning after putting everything back in place and tidying up, so it's all very last minute!

The final result is much better than I expected and I'm glad I took the plunge with the teal - it works, and as an unexpected bonus it takes on a deeper green tone in the evening when the lamps or candles are lit.

Thanks to Money Supermarket for the makeover money - I really enjoyed planning it and seeing the final results.

Have you taken part? If so, please leave a link in the comments - I'm trying to see as many as possible!

Disclosure: as explained, I received £50 from Money Supermarket to take part but all of the work was carried out by me.

Have you ever seen a dog sulk?

2013-06-02T11:36:00.003+01:00

Look, I'm ignoring you.

If you have never seen a dog sulk then you're either a cat owner or you don't have pets, because dogs sulk. Well, mine does anyway.

I'm still ignoring you. You don't exist.

When I recently moved the furniture around in the living room, including her favourite armchair, Tessie sulked for two whole days, and yesterday I went to London for the day and when I got back (quite late) she was sulking. Didn't run to the door to greet me or anything.

I'm not really looking at you. Just pretending.

And today? Still sulking. I'm sure it's no coincidence that her nickname was Princess at the racing kennels before we adopted her. Sigh.

5 years of blogging, making friends and getting abuse on twitter...where did the time go?

2013-05-31T13:42:00.001+01:00

Five years. FIVE YEARS!

I started this blog in May 2008, and although the first 6 months worth of posts have been deleted (don't ask) and I took a couple of short breaks it's been a continuous stream of nonsense ever since. What started off as a place to rant about this, that and the other has become...well, actually it's still the same but with a bit of home decorating and gardening thrown in for good measure.

We've had some brilliant adventures because of this blog - Los Angeles, Milan, Cologne - and met some amazing people, many of whom have become real life friends (you know who you are!) I would never have dreamt that the blog would have such a big, positive impact on our lives, but it has and I'm very grateful.

I'd like to share some anniversary messages from some of the fantastic people I've met through blogging:

'Happy Blogging Anniversary notSupermum! 5 years already, how did that happen? I love this blog and frankly covet your garden, please can you come and sort mine? Here's to another 5 years! Violet Posy Xx'

"Imagine if Hattie Jacques, Wonder Woman, Charlie Dimmock, Cilla Black and Nigella Lawson created a child together, well that child would be notSupermum. And her blog reflects all the beauty that is within her - it is a delicious chronicle that is full of heart, wisdom, opinion, observation and wit." ~ Caroline Smailes

'I love notSupermum. I've been reading this brilliant blog since it started and like to think that our blogs have grown old and wrinkly together. Happy birthday notSupermum. Here's to another five years failing horribly at parenting, but doing it together. I love you lots xx' ~ English Mum

'I started reading notSupermum's blog more years ago than I can remember and it's been on my list of top blogs to read ever since. I'm not sure nSM realises what an excellent writer she is, or how helpful I've found it to read her blog as a fellow single patent. It takes commitment and perseverance to make your 5th blogging anniversary. Many congratulations to nSM. Looking forward to the next five blogging years and much continued success.

Rosie x ~ Rosie Scribble

I've also been ~~inundated with~~ had a couple of messages on Twitter. I asked if anyone could sum up my blog in a tweet.

and finally a tweet from my mate Dom Joly, you know that bloke off the telly? Used to be funny? Here's what he had to say during one of our recent conversations:

Okay, so I exaggerated slightly when I said we were friends...

I remember when I decided to start this blog, and after writing the first few blog posts wondering "Who on earth would ever want to read this?" And if I'm perfectly honest I still ask myself the same question every week, but here you are and thank you. THANK YOU!

Here's to another five years of mad adventures, making new friends and getting into trouble on twitter!

Understanding the changes to Legal Aid

2013-05-31T10:34:00.002+01:00

This Government has made drastic changes to Legal Aid and who qualifies for help. The new guidelines came into force on 1st April this year and for many people free legal help is no longer available. When I recently sought legal advice I was told I no longer qualified for Legal Aid and was given a breakdown of the likely costs instead. Needless to say the legal route is now closed for me and many people on a low income.

Read on to hear about the changes and what they mean.

~~~~~~ooo000ooo~~~~~~

Even before the new rules around the Legal Aid, Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Act came into place on 1st April 2013, the controversial changes wreaked havoc on the UK law sector. Just months before the deadline for the changes, unhappy couples across the country who had been thinking about divorce suddenly moved into separation proceedings, claiming their legal aid before it was too late, and overwhelming many law firms in the process. However, with the new rules now in effect, those that seem most likely to be most affected are people on low income.

While the government in the UK hopes that the new rules will help it to cut its expenses in the sector to £350 million a year, down from the massive £2 billion currently spent, this saving could be at the sacrifice of victims of crime who rely on subsidised legal support for fair representation in court, which could include people earning minimum wage, pensioners and single parents.

What is Legal Aid?
The cost of court fees can be astronomical and not everyone has the financial means with which to pay for the services that they require. Legal aid is the subsidised support given to those who would otherwise be unable to afford the legal representation. The service, although funded by tax, is usually provided through private firms of solicitors and barristers, as well as from not-for-profit organisations. As well as representation in court, people can receive mediation and advice.

Under the old rules, legal aid would be available in most cases, particularly to people unable to pay for their own representation. However, the changes of 1st April mean that the goal posts have now been moved so that even the fiscally incapable will not always receive the legal aid that they need. The new rules are detailed below.

New Rules
One of the major areas to be affected by the new rules is family law. Where as before, divorce and separation proceedings, as well as financial proceedings on divorce or dissolution of a civil partnership, were covered for legal aid without question, this service has now been relinquished. Also gone, is legal aid for proceedings for contact and living arrangements of children, disputes between unmarried couples and personal injuries claims.

There will also be more stringent testing as the government attempts to clamp down on those who are able to afford their own legal costs but who abuse the relaxed system. To qualify for the service, a person now has to complete a means test, a eligibility test that considers closely a person's income, savings and domestic situation.

Despite the sweeping cutbacks, service are still available to those who have suffered domestic violence, as well as for proceedings for child abduction, child care, child abuse and forced marriage protection orders.

~ Sponsored content ~

The May garden ~ rain, rain and more rain.

2013-05-30T09:21:00.000+01:00

This week has been a bit of a wash-out gardening wise, literally. It has rained most days which is great for the garden, but not so great for us!

We did have a glorious day on Sunday but, call me crazy, I spent the day with my daughters instead of gardening. So very little actual work has been done in the garden apart from a bit of weeding between the rain showers and....actually, that's about it.

However I did manage to take my camera out one day.

This peony is in the front garden and it's on the verge of opening. Any day now! Can't wait to see its gorgeousness in full bloom.

The aquilegia in the back garden are poking their heads up and should start flowering this week I reckon. I love these cottage garden flowers, so pretty.

If there's ten minutes sunshine Tessie always wants to go out and lie on the grass, and not just any bit of grass - this exact piece of the lawn. This is her spot and woe betide anyone who gets in her way.

I can't remember the name of this shrub but it's in flower at the moment and looking very pretty.

The honeysuckle is rampant again and covers one side of this trellis work completely. I still haven't decided what to do with this raised area, it gets quite shady and so far just has a bird table on it. I'm open to suggestions, anyone?

I planted this azalea next to the back door last year and it has flowered for the first time this week. I do love a white flower, they always looks so pretty against the foliage.

I absolutely love this black acer, I love the contrast against the green of the other plants. I haven't pruned it at all since we came here but I think it might need a haircut later in the year.

Update 2/6/13: I found out yesterday (quite by chance after looking in a magazine) that this isn't a black acer after all, it's a black elder Sambucus nigra. Sorry for any confusion, it was the previous owner who told me it was an acer and I didn't know any better. Do now though!

And finally, I bought these three forget-me-nots at a plant sale the other day. There wasn't very much left when I got there but I snapped these up for 50p each. They're sitting on the potting table at the moment waiting for me to decide where they should go.

I'm linking up to Mammasaurus' blog again this week for her How Does Your Garden Grow linky. There are some gorgeous gardens linking up every week, if you like gardening (or even just pretty photos) it's worth a look.

Am I wrong to tell my daughters they're beautiful?

2013-05-29T15:26:00.001+01:00

I happen to have two very beautiful daughters and I tell them how beautiful they are all the time.

Well, when I say all the time I don't mean I am constantly shouting affirmations at them. No, I do it quite matter of factly, in a 'you're such a beautiful girl' sort of way. No fuss, no sarcasm, no emotional grandstanding.

However, according to Jo Swinson, the Women's Minister, I'm getting it all wrong. In an interview with The Telegraph last week and speaking ahead of the Body Confidence campaign report, she said that parents who tell their children they are beautiful are sending them the wrong message.

According to her research 25% of all 11 to 15 year old boys and girls are unhappy about their appearance. 70% of girls think there is too much emphasis on how celebrities look and Ms Swinson was quoted as saying:

"Parents that praise their sons and daughters for looking “beautiful”, wearing a pretty outfit or having a nice hair do risk sending the wrong message to children that looks are the most important thing to succeed in life."

And yesterday the Body Confidence Campaign published their report which found the following :

Evidence shows that popular culture places burdens on people’s wellbeing and self esteem, often resulting in low confidence and self-consciousness. This can contribute to lowered aspirations and psychological wellbeing and heightened vulnerability to risky behaviours. Boys and men are affected as well as girls and women, but there is a particularly marked impact on women’s choices and life chances.

Well, here's the thing: I agree with most of what Ms Swinson said and the findings of the report. I also whole-heartedly agree with their decision to launch a teaching pack for primary school children to teach them how media images are doctored. It's sad that today's children are obsessed with appearance and are conditioned daily by the media perception of how women 'should' look, but I also disagree that it's wrong to tell your children they are beautiful.

I used to work with someone with three daughters who said he would never dream of telling his girls they were pretty because he didn't want them to be 'big-headed'. Yes, okay he was a bit of a prat, but if your own parents can't tell you then who can?

Going up as I did with little self-esteem, I was determined it would be different for my own daughters. And I believe that one of the ways building self-esteem is to let them know that they're beautiful - which they are, obviously. I didn't want them to become teenagers and to have their heads turned by the first boy who told them they were pretty, I wanted them to already be confident about that.

Of course I don't just say it about their looks. I tell them how smart they are; I tell them how proud I am if they've worked hard at something, handled a difficult situation well, or when they get good school reports; and I praise their achievements and efforts.

But of course if you're going to praise them there also has to be constructive feedback too, and I let them know if I think they could have done something differently, or worked harder, etc. And it's a two-way conversation, they are happy to give their views on things that I might have done better - which hardly ever happens of course.*cough*.

I remember an interview Dawn French did years ago where she explained how she owed her self confidence to her father:

“It was my father who taught me to value myself. He told me that I was uncommonly beautiful and that I was the most precious thing in his life.”

How utterly perfect to hear those words from your own parent. That's what I want for my girls, and even though they don't always believe me I'm still going to say it. Because they are beautiful.

Over to you, do you tell your children they're beautiful? Or do you think it panders to media and society's view of what's important in life?

The one where I panic about what to wear for Cybher

2013-05-28T11:59:00.001+01:00

Last year I missed out on all of the blogging conferences and meet-ups for various reasons (mostly financial) but this year I'm going to Cybher next weekend (1st June).

I'm only travelling down for the day - early morning train down to That London and evening train back home again - but I'm hoping that still gives me plenty of time to meet up with old and new blogging friends.

For the occasion I've had some new business cards printed by Moo.com - I've used Moo before and they never disappoint with their quality. I even ordered some of the mini cards for the first time. I'm really impressed with them and think they're excellent value for money.

Please let me know if you're going to be there I'd love to find you and say hello, whether you like it or not :)

And just in case you're wondering what I look like think less Nigella Lawson and more Hattie Jacques (but not as sexy).

Now I just need to hyperventilate out what I'm going to wear...

The £50 Room for Improvement challenge is on!

2013-05-27T20:37:00.001+01:00

I'm always up for a challenge, especially something to do with the home, and so when I was asked to take part in Money Supermarket's Room for Improvement challenge I just couldn't say no!

The idea is that you get £50 to revamp a room of your choice and take before and after photos and then tweet about it using #roomforimprovement. If you fancy joining in you can find the details here.

I was going to use the money to finish off the utility room, but then I realised that I actually have nearly all the things needed to finish it off - I just need to get my act together and do the work!

The very brown dining room

Then I thought this could be the impetus I need to get cracking on the dining room. I haven't changed anything in there since we moved in and although it's okay it's not quite right.

The main problem is that the woodwork is a dark varnish which is totally out of keeping with the rest of the house. Everything else in the house is white so when you walk into the kitchen and dining room the contrast seems a bit at odds with the other rooms.

I quite like the dark wood, but I think it'll look fresher and brighter if it's all painted white - well, the woodwork anyway.

So here's the plan. I'm going to sand, prime and paint all of the dark wood in the dining room and paint the walls a different colour. Haven't decided what yet, but the brown has to go.

I just hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew because the challenge has to be done by next Monday - eek! Better get on with it then...

Kerry LowLow: clever advertising campaign or same old, same old? You decide.

2013-05-27T10:48:00.002+01:00

This is a sponsored post but raises a very interesting question.

This week I was asked to watch a video for a new advertising campaign. It's for LowLow, a new low fat cheese made by Kerry. The video is very clever and explodes some of the many advertising clichés aimed at women when promoting diet or low fat foods. I particularly liked the line "it's all about mood, 'cause we gotta keep you girls from feeling bad about food" which does seem to be the base line in all food advertising aimed at women.

But isn't this still advertising a low-fat product? Hmmm...

I'm not sure about it. What do you think?

The garden in May ~ How does your garden grow?

2013-05-26T11:35:00.001+01:00

The weather this week has been rainy and windy, so I didn't get a chance to get into the garden until yesterday when the sun appeared. I had a wander around first to see what was growing and if there was any damage from the high winds, but the only damage was from the parasol which had fallen into the border and damaged the flowering nutmeg slightly. Not a disaster though. The rest of the garden is looking vibrant and the borders are filling up nicely.

The border next to the patio is full to bursting with plants ready to flower any day now, there's aquilegia, alliums, irises, veronica, lavender, and plenty of other - as yet unnamed - plants.

The grape hyacinth (muscari) is one of my favourites. I love how they're so delicate yet make a big impact with their stunning colour.

I only planted this dicentra spectabilis quite recently but it already has a fantastic show of flowers on it.

I plonked these tulip bulbs in a pot and their growth is a bit wonky, but just look at that gorgeous, deep chocolate colour.

And the alliums are looking better all the time, the purple ones are opening up a bit more now but the white still have a little way to go.

One of the dahlia shoots

In this bed under the living room window I made the mistake of planting some dahlia tubers too early, and I thought the subsequent frosts and snow had put paid to my dahlia border.

But look what appeared this week! The dahlias seem to have survived and there's four of them, which is a surprise because I only planted three. But hey ho, the more the merrier!

And here's the garden from a different angle than usual, to show how the trees lend some dappled shade to the garden. There's a tree in our garden next to the shed, but the rest is borrowed shade from the trees in the park behind the house. It makes it much more pleasant to sit out in the hotter weather (touch wood).

I'm joining in with Mammasaurus' gardening linky again this week, a bit later than intended but better late than never, eh? Have a look at some of the other inspirational gardens on there.

Tips on how to keep your house tidy ~ despite having a dog!

2013-05-25T14:18:00.000+01:00

~ Sponsored post ~

Keeping your home in good shape can be a difficult enough task as it is - let alone without adding a dog into the equation! But do not despair, having a dog does not mean that your dreams of an ideal home are over. Well not quite….In truth, keeping your home spick and span is going to be more difficult with a dog roaming around, but with these quick tips you should be able to keep the mess down to a minimum.

Regular Grooming

Dog hairs get everywhere. This is simply a facts of dog ownership. The best way to minimise the mess is to make sure that your dog is brushed regularly. A proper grooming schedule is part of maintaining a fit and healthy dog, but by removing shedding hairs, you are also helping to maintain a clean and relatively hair-free house.

Lint Rollers

No matter how well you keep your dog groomed, there are going to be hairs. We have found that by far and away the best way of dealing with them is with a lint roller. We currently have lint rollers in three different rooms- as well as in the glove compartment of the car. Truth be told we can’t quite remember how we coped without them! However, we have come across other dog owners who feel they simply aren’t enough- they prefer to get more hands on and wrap adhesive tape around their fingers!

Table manners

Dinner time can one of the messiest times of day- especially for dogs with a big appetite. One of the problems is that you will want to be serving dinner on an easy clean surface, such as in the kitchen. However, these surfaces can be slippy and a moving bowl can quickly lead to dinner up the walls! The best way to manage this is to invest in a non-slip bowl with rubber grippers on its feet, or alternatively, put an easy clean dinner mat beneath the bowl. Another reason for dog flood flying around the house is the ferocity with which your dog attacks its food!

Eating too quickly is not good for your dogs, so if this is a problem you may want to invest in a ‘diet bowl’. These bowls have a central island, resulting in a doughnut-shape, which forces dogs to eat their dinner more slowly. Good for both digestion and your floors. A wide arrange of feeding equipment, including diet and non-slip bowls, is available at Dogscorner.co.uk .

Muddy paws

The best way to beat muddy paws is to create a system and stick to it. With military-style rigour! When our dogs go out, they only ever return through the utility room. We like to think of it a bit like a decontamination unit! In there, all feet can be wiped, mud chipped off and slobber towelled away. No one gets into the inner sanctum until they are smelling clean and fresh….well at least until they aren’t dripping with mud.

Flea free zone

A few hairs and muddy paws can be annoying, but they are nothing compared to an infestation of fleas! You must always make sure that your pets are adequately protected against these critters - we speak from experience - you do not want them in your home! You can find a range of flea protection products, including anti-flea dog collars..

Weirdos, bad jokes and gay marriage

2013-05-24T20:38:00.003+01:00

So today I was at the perfume counter in John Lewis with my daughters when a man in his twenties came over.

Almost immediately my inner weirdo-alarm went off. "Why should marriage always be like a ruler?" he asked. I didn't wait for the punchline but tried to walk away, but not quick enough. He ran around to the front of us and shouted "Because it should always be straight!"

"Not funny" was my reply.

"I'm only saying it because I have strong morals and I believe in traditional marriage" said The Weird One.

He continued to follow us, shouting about how gay marriage was wrong and how traditional marriage was meant for procreation but we were less interested in listening than doing our best speed-walk to get away.

Aside from the fact that you just don't accost strangers to make a daft joke about gay marriage, he made no concession for differing opinions or the fact that one day someone is going to punch his lights out. Hopefully.

I realised that my girls were slightly freaked out by him so wanted to get away and I didn't get a chance to give share my opinion - but just for the hell of it here it is anyway.

First of all, I have two sets of friends who are in same-sex relationships. One couple has been together for over 20 years, the other has been together for about 18 years give or take a year. They are both in committed, loving relationships that have stood the test of time. My marriage was over before our 7th wedding anniversary. So much for traditional marriage.

Secondly, the argument that traditional marriage is all about procreation is, quite frankly, a dud. What about infertile couples? What about older couples who marry in later life? Does that make their marriage any less valid? No, of course not.

And let's not forget that gay couples can adopt or have children by donors or surrogates which would make them - oh yes! - a family with children.

As Tall Daughter said as we discussed it on the way home: "Some people are gay, get over it!"

Recipe ~ Buttermilk pancakes with berries

2013-05-20T21:59:00.002+01:00

I don't know about you but I have ~~dozens~~ hundreds of recipes I've cut out of magazines with the intention of making them one day. Except most of the time that day never comes. But no more!! I'm sick of cooking the same meals day in and day out, but I'm loathe to try new things if the girls don't like them because then it's a waste of money.

So I've decided that at least once a week I'm going ask either Tall Daughter or The Teenager to choose one of the forlorn and forgotten recipes from what is laughingly known as the Recipe File (or a random stack of torn out recipe pages shoved into a cardboard file) and I'm going to make it. Oh yes I am!

To kick it all off, here's a recipe I picked up just last week in the free Tesco magazine. Both of my girls love homemade pancakes, so I thought I'd give this a try. It's also a good way of using up any berries that are past their best - I used up some raspberries, but strawberries, blueberries, apricots or peaches would work well.

Buttermilk pancakes with berries.

Makes 12 pancakes

350ml (12fl oz) buttermilk
1 egg
3 tbsp maple syrup
50g (2oz) melted butter
125g (4oz) plain flour
half tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
1 tbsp sunflower oil
500g mixed berries
25g caster sugar
2tsp arrowroot

1. In a bowl whisk the buttermilk, egg, maple syrup and melted butter.
2. Sift together the flour, cinnamon, baking powder and salt into another bowl. Tip half of the wet ingredients in and mix well. Fold in the remaining buttermilk mixture to form a thick batter.
3. Heat a large nonstick frying pan and wipe with sunflower oil. Ladle some of the mixture onto the hot pan to make small pancakes measuring about 7cm (3") across. Reduce the heat and cook in batches for 2 minutes each side (I found they needed a little bit longer, just check and see if they look cooked). Repeat until all the batter is used.
4. Meanwhile, place the fruit in a pan with the sugar and 3 tbsp of cold water. Cover and cook for 5 mins, mix the arrowroot with a further 2 tbsp water and stir into the fruit. Cook, stirring until the juices thicken a little.
Serve the pancakes topped with a spoonful of hot fruit.

I also drizzled a bit of extra maple syrup over the top of the pancakes to finish it off. Sweet tooth, moi? There would have been a higher stack of pancakes but everytime I started stacking them the girls kept taking them, but that's good!

We enjoyed these, although next time I'm going to put some vanilla ice cream on top of the hot berries and pancakes which would make it even better.

The one where we try canoeing for the first time

2013-05-19T11:54:00.000+01:00

We were recently invited by Go Canoeing, the Olympic legacy initiative from Canoe England, to try a bit of canoeing at Salford Quays in Manchester and we went along last weekend to give it a go.

Okay, so I've exaggerated slightly....I didn't try it but The Teenager and her boyfriend did. I thought they'd like to try something new and they were up for the challenge.

I, of course, was needed on the quayside to take photos, that's the only reason I didn't try it. Well apart from my mortal fear of being in small boat in open water, obviously.

It was windy and a bit nippy when we got there, and The Teenager was a bit shocked that she had to put a wetsuit on but even that didn't put her off.

After a safety briefing from the canoeing expert Dave (and our guide for the day) they were ready to go.

After a bit of a nervous start, they soon got the hang of it and were canoeing confidently across the quays. I reckon they could be in with a shout for the 2016 Olympics. Not that I'm biased, of course.

They both enjoyed it - much more than they expected to, and they're already planning to have another go at canoeing and after watching someone else on the quays doing wakeboarding, they fancy having a go at that too.

Go Canoeing Week 2013

The eight-day initiative will give the public a chance to pick up a paddle and discover what’s on offer at over 400 canoe and kayak clubs and centres across the country, with the aim to get as many people on the water as possible.

Through offering a wide range activities, the initiative will ensure there is an experience for everyone to easily get involved with, whether they are a canoeing newbie or experienced paddler.

Participants of all ages and abilities will be offered a range of easily accessible and sociable activities to get involved in; from Starter Sessions, Demo Days and Guided Tours to give beginners their first taste of paddling, to Canoe Trails for the more advanced seeking adventure, the initiative also offers a number of mass participation and social events.

National Go Canoeing Week will be taking place across England between Saturday 18th – Sunday 26th May 2013. To find out what activities are taking place at a club near you, whatever your ability, click here.

My friend Tom

2013-05-18T12:37:00.002+01:00

I've always liked Tom.

I first got to know him as a school friend of my brother. They were both two years older than me and very alike - rough diamonds if you like, cheeky chappies with an eye for the ladies.

I got to know him a lot better when I was working in a pub during my days as a mature student (does that make other students immature?). He travelled a lot with his job but when he was home he'd come in at the weekend and stand at the end of the bar chatting and flirting with the women. He was good-looking too in a David Essex sort of way, all twinkly eyes and tousled hair that was slightly longer than it should be.

He had a fantastic sense of humour, just like my brother, and could make me laugh more than anyone I'd ever known. He found humour everywhere and his delivery was so dry he could just stand and watch as everyone else was bent over with laughter. He was one of those people that everyone liked: men, women, kids. He saw the funny side of everything and he was just bloody good company.

We even went on a few dates, Tom and I. He persuaded me, against my better judgement, to go out a couple of times and even though I had a great time and laughed more than was decent on a date, I knew he wasn't for me. His roving eye was a real no-no but we always remained good friends.

As the years rolled by I saw him less and less until he bought a house down the road from me and opposite the village shop. Every few weeks when he was home we would bump into each other in the shop and have a chat. He'd never married and so I always hoped he would flirt and ask me on a date. He never let me down and I could never quite tell if he was joking or serious, but even after my divorce it was still always a no from me.

A few years ago I heard a rumour that he was having an affair with the woman who lived opposite me. She was married with kids, and a bit stuck-up for my liking and I just couldn't see her with Tom. They seemed so different - she was all designer labels and namedropping and he was, well he was still the twinkly-eyed, rough around the edges Tom. I did wonder if it was true.

One day, when I was out in the front doing a bit of gardening, Tom walked up the neighbour's drive. It seemed a bit odd considering the rumours and sure enough moments later when her husband appeared at the door there were raised voices and scuffling. In seconds Tom and the husband were wrestling each other on the front lawn while she screamed for them to stop. It was all over very quickly but I'd seen enough to realise that the rumours had been true after all.

When we moved to this house I didn't see Tom in the corner shop anymore. And as the new house was further down the village I no longer saw him walking past on the way to the the pub.

But I still drove past his house every morning on the way to work and when I noticed that his car never seemed to be outside I assumed he was working away more than usual.

Last week when I was out walking the dog I bumped into one of the neighbours from our previous house. She asked me if I'd heard about Sylvia. Sylvia lived in the the bungalow at the far end of the village and I knew she was Tom's mum. I said no, I hadn't heard.

"She died a few weeks after her son."

And that's how I heard about Tom's death. After making a couple of phone calls I found out that Tom died of cancer nearly two years ago, six weeks before his mother. He was 52.

I'm still in shock, mostly that he's gone but also that it took me so long to find out. We must have moved house around about the same time he died and so somehow the news didn't filter through the usual neighbourly channels.

Yesterday, I made a point of taking the dog for a walk down to the other end of the village to where Tom lived, and as I passed his house I said my own silent goodbye to him. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to see you one last time Tom. We would have laughed.