When I saw him on bed, I knew that he won’t make it until January 2010. I felt that he has only limited days to live. I never expected that he would leave us for good yesterday. Yeah, we were already prepared about his death but everything was just so fast. My aunt and uncle from the USA are already on the plane to see him and to be with him but tatay wasn’t able to wait for them. I feel sadder for my other aunt who couldn’t go home for some personal reasons. :(

My heart will always have a spot for the geriatric patients. Whenever I am assigned to an elderly patient, I can’t help but be attached with them probably because I was never given an opportunity to bond with my grandparents. They live in the province while we live here in the metro. So whenever my old patients die, I feel sad… But nothing beats this sadness when it’s your grandparent who died. I know that I am much closer with my old patients that I have no relation with but I still feel sadder because it’s my father’s father. It’s my grandfather whom I never had the chance to bond with. So many what ifs going on my mind now…

Sigh. Wherever you are Tatay, I hope you are happy. At least, you can finally rest now. Your suffering has already ended. We will see you soon… at the right time. And when that time comes, I hope that we’ll be closer this time…

I watched something in this certain film/TV show (I forgot what it is) that if you want to write a novel or a story, you have to observe the people around you and wonder what’s going on in their lives just to be able to conceptualize a character or a story. I actually followed that advice from that film/TV show… I wasn’t able to write though but I became really observant with the people around me.

What’s my point here? Sometimes, we complain about our own lives that lead other people from committing suicide. We think that God doesn’t love us and we are just being punished… But have you ever thought that those people around you have more difficult problems to solve? Have you ever thought that you are actually luckier and more blessed but you just overlooked at that fact because you focused so much on the negative side? Have you ever thought that you might be missing all the fun in your life because you’re dwelling too much on pessimism?

Ask yourself. It’s you who can only answer.

There are 3 reasons why I am still happy:
1. It was my first time to attend an awards night. I felt left out though because most of the bloggers know each other but it’s okay. I met some accommodating ones. :)
2. Andy Smith of Qtube, who is so damn hot, put his arms over my shoulder when we had our picture taken. Haha! I was so giddy! He’s really nice and friendly. Yiee. Thanks, Andy. You’re now included in my list of  celebrity crushes. Haha!
3. TJ was there to support me. Even though he’s tired from his work (Yay for being hired!), he managed to travel from Makati to Quezon City to be there for me, to lift my spirits up, to hold my hands while I was nervous about the announcement of the winners and to make me happy in that unforgettable night. I thought he couldn’t make it but he did. Thank you so much, love. Like what I said in my Tumblr entry, I may not have won in the competition but I still got my trophy and it’s him. Well, the trophy idea came from Gervic, his bestfriend. Haha!

For me, not winning in this competition does NOT make me a loser. When I failed the NCLEX, I thought that I didn’t only fail the test but also the people who expected so much from me. I learned a lot from that experience. So now, even though I didn’t grab a single award, I know that I never failed anyone who expected me to win in this event. Being a finalist is already an achievement. There are so many Filipino bloggers around the world and my blog was  chosen to be one of the finalists – and that makes me oh-so lucky. As other people say, “better luck next time”. This isn’t my time yet. Maybe next year or maybe 2 years from now… We really do not know. What matters is that I have my family, TJ, friends and other supporters who believe in me. And that makes me a winner in their hearts. :)

P.S.

My blog was mispronounced twice. They pronounced it as nurse-cism. Let me clear that out… It’s like NARCISSISM. Just replace NAR with NURSE. :)

Honestly, I am anxious, flattered and excited at the same time. Of course, anxiety is always present in a competition. I feel anxious because I feel that I have this small chance of winning. My opponents are big timers and blog experts while I am  just a mere unemployed nurse who happen to have an interest in blogging, webdesigns, HTML and whatnot. You see, I really, really want to win in this blog awards because like what I said in my September 14 entry this is like a big thing for me as a small-time blogger. I didn’t join this contest to be popular. The fact that I am seeing people in my web tracker google-ing  my name really scares the hell out of me. I actually hesitated in plugging my blog in Facebook because I really do not like my offline friends reading my blog. Unfortunately, I had to plug it because I want to win. I don’t want to be hypocrite here. Who doesn’t want to win in a competition like this?

Why do I feel flattered? When I asked for support in the National Blogger’s Choice category, that’s the time I discovered how I was able to leave a mark in my readers’ hearts. I read touching entries  that made me teary-eyed. I can not believe this kind of support from them. I thought they were just doing this because I asked them to. I feel that just by reading their entries makes me a winner… maybe not in this competition but in my readers’ hearts. Naks! I am so overwhelmed. I don’t know how to thank them! I feel that saying thank you is not enough.

Of course, I feel excited because I am going to meet bloggers and attend an awards night for the first time. Win or lose, this is a great experience.  The mere fact that I was included as a finalist in those 4 categories is an achievement.

Win or lose, I would still continue what I am doing because this is what my heart and mind tell me to do. This is what I love doing. This is where I feel such fulfillment. This is where I get to express myself. And this is how I get to achieve my goal, to be able to inspire others in my own simple way.

Now, what should I wear on Friday? Hmmm…

Image from Definitely Filipino

Hi reader/s! Yesterday, I asked for your support for my blog in the Philippine Blog Awards 2009. Now, I am asking again for your support, not for me but for our fellow, Efren Peñaflorida.  He is included in the CNN Top Ten Heroes list for providing basic education to the youth especially those who are members of gangs. It’s really a heroic act of him. And oh, did you know that he’s the only Filipino included in the list? So yeah, let’s support him!

Please do vote for him in this site. Spread the news!

I vote for NURSECISSISM
Bloggers’ Choice Award
2009 Philippine Blog Awards

Of course, I am voting for myself (if this is allowed. Haha!) I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the bloggers and non-bloggers who supported and voted for me in this competition. I feel so flattered and deeply touched with all the entries that I have read as to why Nursecissism is their choice. Win or lose, I would still continue doing this not to please you but because I am happy with what I am writing and doing. I may not be a fluent English writer, I may have wrong grammar or misspelled words but I guess the reason why I deserve to win in those 3 categories (Best Personal Blog, National Blogger’s Choice Award and Flippish Viewer’s Choice Award) is because I put all my heart and soul in this blog.

Addendum:
I just found out that I am also a finalist in the Top 10 Posts of the Year. Wow. A total of 4 categories!
Now for the Flippish Viewer’s Choice, you can vote for me here. Choose NURSECISSISM, fill up the form and you’ll get a chance to win a Nokia 2330 classic. :)

After publishing the entry, cast your vote HERE.

Thank you. You can re-blog this for more support!

Here’s the url of my blog: http://nursecissism.com. Linking this back in your entry would be much better. :)

Here’s the Philippine Blog Awards website: http://www.philippineblogawards.com.ph/

It was my first time to volunteer in a relief operation. I’ve always wanted to volunteer but I just don’t know how to apply and go in their venues. Anyway, so when this typhoon Ondoy left a lot of mess, I looked for people who can come with me. I was so happy that my online friends also wanted to help so we decided to go. It was a very tiring experience but it was indeed all worth it. I opted to volunteer because I felt that I need to help in this kind of crisis. I don’t have thousands or millions of money to donate but what I only have is my free service.

We went there at around 10 am. When we arrived at Balay Expo, Cubao, there were already many people packing the goodies, folding the clothes, passing the packed relief goods, offering drinks, and etc. We were assigned to the rice area where we packed sacks of rice into plastic bags. At first, it wasn’t tiring. Although after a few hours, our hands were starting to numb. After packing the rice, we then transferred to another station.  I think that’s the time when we felt tiredness. I felt back and neck pain but I tried to ignore it because  I was really having fun.

At around 4:30 pm, the organizers asked those who came early to go home and rest to give way for the other volunteers who were waiting outside. The place was already jam packed and they wanted to give the other volunteers a chance to pack the relief goods. After the announcement, we went to Gateway to eat then  we separated ways and went home afterward.

I feel so proud of myself for what I have done. Haha! It’s just a small thing but I know it made a lot of difference. I wish to go back since classes are suspended until Saturday. I was actually happy to hear that news. It was a message that we could still volunteer in the next days. I hope more people would come. It would be fun… and most of all, fulfilling. =)

Credits to Ondoy’s Tumblr and his resources. Yes, this freakin’ typhoon has a tumblr account!
Photo edited by me.

I feel so sad about what have happened today in our country, specifically in Metro Manila. So many people are affected by this typhoon Ondoy. I feel guilty for saying I love the weather today in my Twitter and Plurk update. I take it back. I only loved it because it is conducive for sleeping… but I don’t like how it ended up. I pity those people who doesn’t have 2nd floors in their homes, those people who are homeless and who doesn’t have durable houses. Thank God, the more than 12-hour of rain pour stopped. I hope the flood subsides as soon as possible so that people can go back to their usual lives. Although for some, tomorrow would be a different day but I do hope they would be able to overcome this obstacle. They just have to believe in God. We need to keep our faith in times of difficulties. I know that He will guide and protect us. I know.

On the other hand, I want to thank God for keeping my family safe. Our subdivision is free from flood because our place is more elevated than the other places. I feel sad though for my boyfriend. They were affected by this tremendous flood but thank God they’re safe now.

I will still continue praying for those people who are affected by this. Help and join me, will you?

How we can help: 1 2 3 4 5

I was browsing my tumblr dashboard when I came across this photo. It is very alarming! I couldn’t believe my eyes that a little girl would do the FY sign to an old helpless woman. What do children learn from school now?

Just recently, I also heard some kids cursing at each other:

Kid 1: P—ng — mo!

Kid 2: P—ng — mo rin! G*go!!!

What is happening to the kids these days? I thought ang kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan… What will these type of kids contribute to our society? And one thing more, what are their teachers and parents doing? What have they taught them?

I believe that the teachers and their parents are responsible for teaching kids the right values. Because you see, I used to curse a lot when I was a toddler! We used to live in the province and my mom had this wholesale business in the market. I spent my infancy to toddler hood in the market because my mom can not leave me alone in the house. We all know that the market is a busy, crowded and noisy place. We often hear people shouting and cussing. So what happened was that I imitated everything that I hear from the people in the market. My mom was very disturbed. She didn’t want me and my brother (my sister wasn’t born yet that time) to adopt the “market” values. So when my dad had an opportunity to work here in Manila, my mom agreed right away.  Mama left her own business to focus on teaching us the right values. Even if there were a lot of opportunities for her to grab to earn more money, she decided to be a full time mother and house wife. So yeah, I was reformed. LOL

I really hope that the parents would still have some time to teach their kids about the good manners and right conduct. I know that we have a different situation now and some people say that it is already a need for both parents to work to provide the basic needs of the family. But I don’t think that being busy at work is an exception in teaching their children the right thing to do. As other people say, the children’s actions reflects who their parents are. Well, we have this thing called social influence but I still believe that even if the children are influenced by their friends, they should still do something for their children not to follow the wrong path.

And as for the teachers, it is their job to teach what is right to their students. It’s also their role to coordinate with the parents about what’s happening inside and outside the classroom.

Sigh. I really hope that we can do something about this. If only all people are concerned about this issue.