I know it. It is a whole project to get one day off, and sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it. Keeping on just feels easier than bucking the system and ducking out for a while.

You need to go on that trip anyway.

I’m the full time parent with my daughter. If I’m not here to do something, it just doesn’t get done. I pick her up and drop her off, I buy and cook the food, I take care of the schedules and the animals and the yard. I used to joke that when I left a job, they had to hire three people to replace me, but with this job, it seems like I need to call in favor chits with at least five people in order to go away for three days. I can tell you right now that’s bad math, and I’m not even math inclined.

But I make sure that I go away for a few days at least every six months. Sometimes I go solo, sometimes with a friend. It is hard and I do it anyway.

Here’s why it is that important to me, and why you need to do this, too:

1. Because you get to put down all your roles and labels and reconnect with who you really are underneath all that.
2. Because someone else does the cooking for a few days, and you get to just to eat it.
3. Because you can sleep without listening for a small voice calling from another room. Do you even remember how to sleep deeply?
4. Because you return with fresh perspective on what’s important and what can be let go. I almost always take a trip to Goodwill a few days after one of these trips.
5. Because it is good to be missed, and to miss, a little bit.
6. Because it is good for your kids (and our partners!) to acknowledge that there is more to us than being the person-who-does-all-the-things.
7. Because it is good for your kids to develop deeper relationships with their other parent, or their grandparents, or whoever you trust enough to leave them with. And good for YOU to develop relationships with people outside your family.
8. Because we are better mothers (and partners!) when we refill those parts of us that are ours alone.
9. Because we work hard, and deserve rest.
10. Because it is good for YOU to see that other people can capably fill your shoes, so fail to pick back up a couple of the things you set down when you left.

And this one bears repeating, it is so valuable: Because uninterrupted sleep.

I’m not knocking family trips – there’s a place for those, too. But let’s face it moms, traveling with the family is much more like just relocating the work of mothering to a different location, not like taking a vacation.

When was the last time you took a vacation? I realize there are all kinds of logistical issues at play here – schedules and child care and pet care and finances. But that’s just logistics and I know you can work that out. What I know for sure is that the biggest thing that holds us back from taking time for ourselves is ourselves.

What would you need to believe in order to say, “Yes, I’m going!”?

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

So how do you set a goal that you are confident you’ll actually achieve and that you know is going to move you to where to want to be? You write a SMART goal. This is a formula that I learned when I was a manager at Apple, and I used it to set goals for my employees as part of their annual reviews. I’ve learned it is also very useful outside of the corporate setting for personal goals.

Write a SMART goal

“SMART” is an acronym. It stands for: Specific, Measurable, Achievable/actionable, Relevant, Time-bound. The idea here is to write out you goal in a way that includes all of these elements, which means you will have thought through the details of you goal, and will have a destination that is both achievable and relevant for your life.

Let’s break it down.

Specific

Your goal must be clear and well-defined. A vague goal will not motivate you, if you aren’t really sure what it means or when you’ve achieved it. “Spend more time with my kids” is a vague goal. “Pick my kids up after school three days each week” is specific. Make it as easy as you can to understand what you are heading for.

Measurable

Include precise dates, amounts, and metrics so that you will know exactly what you are aiming for. In the example above, “Pick my kids up after school three days each week” is a measurable goal. If you are picking them up only two days each week, you know you are not meeting the goal.

Actionable/Attainable

Different folks who use this framework use different words for A, but these are the two I think you need to pay attention to.

Actionable. Do you have control over the outcome? For example, I can say my goal is to grow my email list by 500 people. But I’m not actually manually signing up 500 people to my list next month. But if I set a goal of running five webinars and speaking at three venues with more than 200 people in attendance next month, with the goal of driving signups to my email list, there’s a good chance I’ll get 500 new people on that list.

Attainable. Is it reasonable that you can achieve this goal? For my example above, running five webinars and doing three talks in a month is not achievable for me, given the number of hours that I work per week, and the fact that I’d be launching my speaking career from scratch. I might be able to do that in a year, but not in a month. You don’t want to set a goal that is too easy – it is important to stretch yourself – but also don’t set goals that will be impossible for you to achieve, because constantly falling short is demoralizing.

I’ll talk more about how to set an achievable and a stretch goal below.

Relevant

Your goal should be relevant for your life and the direction you want to go. I think of this as connecting to my why. Why is this goal important to me? Why do I want this? How will my life be different if I can achieve this? This element is really important for helping you actually reach for goals, because sometimes the work of getting from setting the goal to actually achieving it is really not all that much fun. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it just feels like work. And sometimes it will feel like setbacks and frustration. So what keeps you motivated? Your why.

Going back to my previous example, my why may not actually be to grow my email list, though that may be a nice side effect. If I was going to set a goal to run webinars and start public speaking, my real why would be because I want to teach as many women as possible about new ways of mindfully managing their time, so that they can feel true freedom and control over their lives. That’s my why.

Time-Bound

By when will you achieve this goal? This is part of specificity, and it tells you when you should stop and celebrate your success. Because this is something we don’t do enough. We just blow right by those goals and are on to the next ones without celebrating what we’ve accomplished. So stop and celebrate!

Also, it gives you a target for when you will evaluate where you are with this goal and decide if you need to shift focus or plan. Because YES, you can change your goals. If you achieved your goal, set a new one! If you fell short, or realized mid-way that it wasn’t right, or wasn’t really what you wanted, set a new one! Just go back to step one, get specific, and write out a new goal.

How to set a right-size goal

1. Write it down. Preferably somewhere you will see it often.
2. Break it down. What are the steps you need to take to achieve this goal? Write them all out, schedule them, and just start.
3. Find accountability. This will help you so much when you get to that middle part, when it feels like all effort and no fun. Your accountability buddy can help remind you why you are working toward this, celebrate your achievements so far, and even help problem solve when you get stuck.

For more ideas to keep you achieving your goals, check out this episode of the Nurturing Habit podcast, where I talk about the SMART goal framework, and also dive deeper into ways to keep you successfully get to your goals, every time.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

I’ve included a combination of items that can be wrapped up and left under the tree and also experiences that might last well into the new year. Click the image or the title of each item to see details or to purchase.

If you love this list, please share it! There are links above to email the post or share it directly to one of several social media platforms.

NOTE: This post contains affiliate links, which means that I may earn a commission from your purchase. You are under no obligation to use these links.

Things to put under the tree

Phillips Wake Up Light Alarm Clock

This is the same alarm clock I use and I love it. Instead of being startled awake by a loud sound, I’m gently awoken with simulated sunlight. It also has options to slowly turn on natural sounds or a radio station. Actually, it has more options than I’ve even ever explored.

A great gift for your most grumpy-in-the-morning family member or someone who want a more peaceful morning routine.

Daily Gratitude Journal 

The benefits of gratitude are numerous. A regular gratitude practice can help you sleep better, reduce anxiety and depression, improve your relationships – and the list goes on! This simple journal makes it easy to make gratitude a daily practice with room to write down just three things daily that you are grateful for. Even the business person can find time for that!

This is a great gift for someone going through a hard time (pair it with an empathy card), or someone who wants to turn their ship around and build something positive in the new year.

Powersheet Intentional Goal Planner

Not really a planner, but focused on identifying and achieving your goals over the course of a year, I’ve been using this planner for 2 years running and I just ordered my planner for next year. This planner will help you set intentional goals and actually reach them.

This is a great gift for the planner and go-getter in your life, who could actually use a bit of softness and more self-care (because this planner really helps with that kind of goal).

Weighted Blanket

It seems like everyone is talking about these weighted blankets recently and for good reason. Already well-known by any one who loves to sleep under a thick, heavy comforter, the sensation of weight on your body is incredibly calming. These blankets help people sleep better and help lower anxiety. I have one on my personal wish list this year!

Great for anyone who could use a hug.

Sun Therapy Light

The shorter days of winter, especially in the more northern latitudes or places where it rains a lot, can wreak havoc on people’s moods. There’s a good reason why the suicide rate is higher in the Pacific Northwest! Getting as much sunlight as possible is the best medicine, but if the weather doesn’t allow for much time outside, sitting in front of one of these daylight-simulation lights is the next best thing.

Great for anyone who feels low in the winter or lives where it is grey from September to May.

Soy Candles

One of my favorite ways to make my house feel instantly cozy is to light a candle. But not just any candle – one that smells nice but burns super clean. I don’t want to be breathing a bunch of toxins. Soy candles are my choice. This one is just an example – my favorites are the candles from Grove Collaborative, and right behind are the seasonal candles from Trader Joe’s. You really can’t beat a 20-hour candle in a cute tin for $3.99!

Great for anyone who needs a little more cozy. The little ones are great hostess gifts, too!

Wooden Bath Shelf

There’s nothing nicer than stretching out in a hot bath with a book and a glass of wine – until you drop your book in the water. A wooden shelf will keep your book safe, give you a place to perch your glass, and you might even have room for one of those soy candles to take it up a notch.

Perfect for all the mamas who need an at-home spa date a bit more often.

Lush bath bombs

Speaking of baths, skip right over those glitter-infused bath bombs you see at Target and get yourself a bath bomb from Lush. They are the cream of the crop. And with dozens of scents and fun designs to choose from, you’ll be able to find one for everyone on your list.

Maybe showers are more your thing? They have a selection of shower bombs now, too.

Large Rice Pack

Smaller and more affordable than a weighted blanket, but similarly comforting, a rice pack makes a lovely gift. I have three (!!) that I keep in my bed for cold nights (and almost instant sleep). I love this large sized pack because it can be used in so many ways. I sometimes heat one and drape it over my shoulders, or drop it across my hips when I’m reading in bed. It’s also great for cramps.

Great for someone who suffers from aches and pains, but also just as a lovely, comforting offering.

Essential Oil Diffuser

I’m not a complete EO devoté, but I do use them in my house pretty often. I have a diffuser in my kitchen and I use it several times a week. When I need an emotional pick me up, in goes the grapefruit or orange oil. When I need grounding? Cedarwood or DoTerra’s Balance blend. When my daughter is bouncing off the walls? Lavender.

Diffusers used to be pretty pricey, but you can get them for under $20 now (and some are even super cute). That leaves you some cash to include your favorite oil in the gift as well.

Coloring Books and Pencils or Markers

In my opinion, everyone would benefit from more coloring book time. Coloring together is one of my very favorite ways to spend calm time (a rarity in our house) with my daughter. We’ve had the best conversations while coloring together! And at the end of it you have a beautiful piece of art.

I’m particularly fond of the Johanna Basford books, like the one I’ve linked here, but there are seriously coloring books for any interest or style. Pair them with a box of markers or colored pencils and you have a gift for anyone on your list.

Gifts that don’t have to be wrapped

Gift Certificate for the Luxury Of Their Choice

What does your person want more time for in their life? You’ve probably heard them mention it. “Oh, if only I had more time for…”Let them know you support them indulging themselves with time spent the way they want by giving them a gift certificate that supports their hobby (maybe to the yarn shop, or a bookstore).

If you pair it with an offer to free up their time by providing some childcare or doing a big chore for them so they don’t have to? Now that’s the makings of a memorable gift.

A Specially Chosen Gemstone and Crystal Bundle

My friend Liz offers the most lovely gift – a customized or Liz-curated bundle of crystals and gemstones to support whatever is going on in your life or what you are trying to manifest. While you are in her shop, check out her Soul Mantra jewelry, because perhaps a particular word or phrase is more the kind of support your person needs.

A Gym Membership

I realize it can be sort of…treacherous, let’s say, to gift a gym membership (“Are you saying I’m fat?”). But giving the gift of good endorphins on the regular can also be really lovely. If a membership to an actual gym feels to touchy or too expensive, consider gift certificates to a specialty place, like a rock-climbing gym, a kick-boxing studio, or a yoga center.

Or for the more adventurous on your list, perhaps Stand-Up Paddle Boarding lessons, or a pole-dancing class?

Creative Bug Membership

Another idea for a crafty person on your list who might like to deepen their skills is to get them a subscription to Creative Bug. This site offers free access to 10s of thousands of instructional videos from sewing, drawing, home and decor projects to art to do with the kids, so anyone with the slightest crafty leaning will find something to learn here.

Maybe your person wants to learn something really specific? You can gift single classes from Creative Live. They are especially strong in the area of photography and creative business-building, but cover some crafty stuff, too.

Exhale Creativity Membership

Do you have a mom who is a writer (or who wants to be) on your list? Or really any other kind of creative who is struggling to find the time and energy in the midst of raising babies. Give that woman the gift of a membership to the Exhale Creativity community. Membership includes a monthly resource guide with artist interviews, articles, a podcast, writing and other creativity prompts, and access to a really wonderful and supporting Facebook community, as well as discounts on the really excellent classes hosted by writers of the Coffee + Crumbs website. I’ve been a member for a couple of years now, and I cannot even tell you how lovely this community has been.

If a full membership doesn’t feel right, maybe the pairing of the book of essays on motherhood written by Coffee + Crumbs authors + a book to help her start writing right now is a better fit?

Tea or Coffee Club Subscription

There is no more simple and easy way to take a break than slowing down to make and then sip a cup of something warm. Whether your person is a coffee drinker or prefers tea, you can have a sampling of beverages land on their porch every month to remind them to take a minute for themselves every day.

There are a ton of options at every price point. This is a nice run-down of some of the tea options and here is a similar list for coffee.

I hope this list gives you some ideas of ways to pamper the people you love and help encourage them to bring a little more self-care into their lives long after the holidays are done.

If you love this self-care gift guide, please share it! Send it to a friend (or your husband) or share it on your social media. There are links above to email the post or share it directly to one of several social media platforms.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

It is easy to believe that, if you look at all the messages that come to us here in the West. We look around at the media and assume we must be happy, slim, healthy, delighted to see our children and our partners always, full of scintillating conversation, eager to cook Pinterest-ready dinners and adorable bento-box lunches. That’s the Supermom standard.

That’s pretty hard to carry when the reality of your life might be more like this:

• You snapped at your kids 5 out of 5 mornings on the way to school.
• You’ve perfected the messy bun because you haven’t showered in a couple of days, let alone shaved or put on cute underpants (have you even have cute underpants? You might still be wearing the post-maternity ones, and they have holes).
• You cope with the evening crazy with a glass of wine or two and you fall asleep on the couch almost every night.
• You haven’t seen the end of your to-do list since ever.

“Supermom” feels pretty far away right now.

You’re pretty sure other moms have it figured out, but not you.

The truth is, most of us struggle more than we are likely to admit. We put on a brave face, but we definitely don’t have it figured out It is hard to be a mom in this society. It is not staked for our success. We don’t have enough childcare, if we can find quality caregivers at all. We don’t make enough money, and even our most supportive partners really don’t carry half the work.

But that doesn’t mean that we can feel like Superwoman in our own lives. We just can’t do it by following the common standard. We have to make our own.

How much time and attention do you have?

The hardest part of the Supermom image is that she seems to do everything. This is the first myth to let go, if you want to create your more successful standard. I’m as feminist as the next Gen X Californian woman, and I do believe that women can do anything.

But what we can’t do is everything all at the same time. How do I make space to single parent and run my own business? My house is a mess a lot of the time. How do I make time to cook from scratch often? I only cook once or twice a week and we eat a lot of leftovers. I don’t pack lunches, I don’t go on many field trips, I don’t see my friends as much as I’d like.

I pick and choose, in other words.

Are there other things I’d like to do with my time? Sure! There always are. But right now I’m focused on the two or three things that are most important to me, and I’m letting the rest ride in the back seat for a while.

What things are most important to spend your time on right now?

Check your inner critic – this is not a failing, it is just facts

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

But where do you find the time and focus, after a full day of feeding, tending, homework helping, tucking in, and cleaning up? If writing and mothering has been feeling like an either/or proposition, you are not alone.

What I’ve learned in the last seven years of being a mother and a creator it isn’t easy, but it is possible to create in the midst of life with children. It takes effort and skill, but those are things I can teach you.

Why do you write? That reason is different for each of us. Maybe you have a particular story you need to tell. Maybe the process of getting your life on the page helps you to understand it. Maybe you have characters who have taken up residence in your mind and need to be freed. Whatever your “why” is, get really clear about it. Write it out. Pin it to your wall. Because you’ll need that reminder when your time and attention feel scarce.

This is also important: Nobody else gets to have an opinion about your “why.” No one else gets to say whether it is important enough. If it lives in your heart, it is enough. Full stop.

Read the rest of this post on JacquelineCangro.com.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

In earlier parts of this series, we talked about beginning – clarifying a vision and creating a map, supporting yourself when you are scared to begin. This post is about taking action when you don’t know exactly how to achieve the goal, but also about how to adjust if the goal changes. It is about perseverance, yes, but also it is about recalibration.

Have you ever reached a long-time goal – and then realized you didn’t really care about it any more? That is not what you want to have happen when your goal is creating a new, more brilliant life for yourself. But it could happen if you are so focus on the goal that you are not looking around at the view of your current life.

I once had a goal to move to San Francisco. I’d always lived in the suburbs and rural area within a 100 miles of The City, so this wasn’t an outlandish goal, I just hadn’t ever quite made it happen. Then circumstances of my life shifted, and I was presented with an opportunity to move – the timing would have been perfect. But when I really considered the option, I realized I didn’t really want a life in San Francisco any more. I had changed, my desires had changed, and I chose to pass the opportunity by. I shifted my vision, I made a new map toward a life I wanted – a different life than I thought I’d been working toward.

Adjust as needed

When I used to work in software development, we talked a lot about “iteration.” Webster defines this as, “A procedure in which repetition of a sequence of operations yields results successively closer to a desired result.” Iteration is a great idea in software, because it means you can release a version that doesn’t work exactly right. Then you can work on it some more, update it, release an improved version.

Because if you waited until you had the perfect version, you would never release anything.

It is great in life, too, because we will never have the perfect plan or set of circumstances. But you can take action, and be OK with being a little uncomfortable. You can learn from the results of your action, and then take another action.

It is also great because life changes. The vision of the perfect life you had 5 years ago might not be the same life you want now. It is OK to change the goal slightly, if the old goal is now off course and no longer fits.

In other words, keep moving forward, even if imperfectly. Take note of what went well and what didn’t. What felt like it was moving you closer to what creating a life you love, and what is moving you further from it. Adjust if needed. And then take action again.

And if you start feeling like you are actually heading toward a goal that you no longer want? No problem! Go back to step 1, create a new vision, design a new map, and identify new actions to get you back on a path to a new life that you will love.

Now is the time to begin

In this series, we have discussed clarifying your vision, creating a map to your goal, taking action, supporting yourself, managing fear and resistance, and finally, learning to iterate.

You don’t need to stay stuck in wishing for a different life, or feeling jealous about the things your friends are doing. You can create a life you love, starting right now.

What will you first tiny step be?

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

Have you ever had the experience of waking up one day and deciding to make a change in your life, and then just doing it?

If you have, I want to hear from you. Because I sure have never had that happen. A couple of times I have made a clear decision to change something and not looked back, but it wasn’t like I “just did it.”

More like this: I made the decision. Then I tried to talk myself out of the decision – maybe tomorrow or next week would be better timing. Maybe I had a few good days with the new habit, and then the 5-8th days were really hard and I had to use all my willpower to hang on. And then maybe I backslid, or even forgot entirely. And then I recommitted. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Why is change so hard?

Well, habit is powerful, for starters, but so are fear and resistance. And unless we can manager fear and recognize and short-circuit resistance, change is nearly impossible.

What resistance looks like

• waiting until you have it perfect before you let anyone see it
• doing the laundry or reorganizing the furniture instead of doing the work
• taking yet another class on the topic, because you aren’t an expert yet
• quitting
• starting a new and different project, or business, or wanting to change up your whole life
• making yourself the victim, blaming others for your failure

What is your go-to resistance style? You may recognize yourself easily in that list, but if not, do some journaling about a couple of situations where you said you wanted to do or change something, and then it didn’t end up happening. Which of these patterns is most like what you identify yourself as doing in those situations?

Resistance is our mind’s way of protecting us

Change is scary. When our mind senses fear, it resists going in that direction. That’s the lizard brain talking. And it is useful if you are being chased by a bear, but not useful if you are trying to show your paintings for the first time, or to raise your prices.

So what are you afraid of?

• Being seen
• Being judged
• Failure (though success is just as scary)
• Being laughed at, mocked, or trolled

Will these things happen? Sure, they might. They also might not. Or they might happen and not be nearly as scary as you think they are in your head. How will you know?

By trying. By taking a step forward and seeing what happens. By supporting yourself, but taking action anyway.

I want to be clear – this is not about living without fear, or eliminating it. I think it is wise to acknowledge your fears – they are trying to protect you! But you don’t have to live controlled by them. You can choose to acknowledge fear and act anyway.

Manage fear, manage resistance

The most effective way to manage fear and resistance are to keep them in the light. All fears are more scary in the dark (remember the last time you woke up in the middle of the night while camping?). So when you can shine a light on your fear, and call out your resistance, you put your logical mind back in control, and take the steering wheel away from the lizard brain.

Journaling is a great method for unwinding those often illogical fears. So is coaching, or therapy (depending on the depth of the fear). Anything that will allow you space to write down the fear – name it – and then consciously decide how you will respond to it.

Because that’s the goal – being conscious, and making conscious choices in our lives.

Here’s an exercise for you.

1. Name a fear, a thought, or a belief that is keeping you stuck
2. Ask yourself, how do I act when I believe this thought?
3. Ask yourself, how would I act, if I magically didn’t have this thought?
4. What is one small action you could take, as if the thought has left you?

Have you tried all of these things and you still feel unable to move forward? This might be for you. 

Manage Fear and Resistance is part 5 in the series about change and  creating a life you love. Read part 1,  part 2, part 3, and part 4.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

In previous parts of this series, we talked about clarifying the vision of what you want to create, creating a map to get there, and then setting your feet on that path by taking action. In this post I want to talk about what is perhaps the very most important part of the process – supporting yourself in change.

All of us get rocked by change. Some truly hate it, others just find it uncomfortable. But the truth is that we are hardwired to resist it. Our bodies and our brains like comfort – and similarity is comfortable. We eat the same foods, go to the same places, interact with the same people in the same ways. Sameness feels really good. Change feels scary. And being scared is really tiring.

The only way through…is through

If you really want change in your life, you are going to have to live in discomfort for a while. For some people that discomfort can feel exhilarating, and for others it is kind of exhausting. I’m personally in the exhausted camp. And that exhaustion is what has made me quit at change over and over again.

“This is too hard.”

“I have too many other things on  my plate.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Do any of those sound familiar? I’ve said all of them. But I’ve also learned that  to get around those voices, and hang in through the discomfort of change, there are things you can do.

Support yourself

If you’re committed to the life on the other side of these changes, then you need to know how to manage the exhaustion and strain that will ensue.

So when you’re working through making a change, be a little extra gentle with yourself. Give yourself a little more room for feeling emotional. Go to bed a little earlier. Make sure you’re connecting with the people who fill you up, and lean on your self care practices. 

Spend a little time thinking about how you will care for yourself. What will you do when this feels hard? How will you support yourself if if you have a setback? What will you do if someone in your life criticizes or doesn’t support the change you are making? How will you care for yourself, and how will you keep your commitment and your forward motion?

Read part 5 in this series next.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.~ Lao Tzu

This is the most important step toward changing hour life. You can have a perfect plan or a very sketchy map pointing you where you want to go, but neither will get you any closer to your goal if you do not take action.

We all have reasons why we fail to take action: Because we are afraid (either of failing or succeeding, equally). Or because we don’t know where to begin. Maybe we worry about what others will think of us (I have an old inner voice that tells me I’m “too big for my britches” pretty often). I’ll come back to how to deal with fear in a later post in this series, but one thing I know for sure: The antidote to fear is action.

You can talk about what you want. You can tell people what you are going to do (you know, someday…). You can daydream about how great your life is going to be.

But you will never get any closer to what you desire until you take steps toward it. But they don’t have to be giant leaps, as Lao Tzu points out.

Get into action

Identify one thing you can do today or this week to move you forward. Put it on your to do list. Make sure the line item starts with a verb, and ideally the step should be small enough that you can do it in 15 minutes or less.

Instead of “grad school research,” say, “research California College of the Arts graduate admissions requirements.”

See the difference?

If the task is too big, if you can’t see the actual next action you need to take, you will get stuck right there.

So break it down and then write it down.

And then do it.

What is your action step? Leave a comment below for some accountability!

Read Part 4 in this series next.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.

Knowing what I want to have in my life and knowing how to get there are two totally different things. You can stay stuck in the longing forever – and some people do.

I don’t want to you be one of those people. I want you to be able to identify a desire, and then confidently step toward it.

Does that mean you’ll always get exactly what you want?

No, of course not. You’ll have to course correct (we’ll come back to this in a later post). You’ll make mistakes and have to try again. Sometimes you’ll get the thing you thought you wanted and then realize you don’t really want it after all.

But what I’m interested in you getting out of this series is the skill and confidence to move from longing into action.

So let’s get into action:

Map out the things you want to have in your life

Now that you have a clarified your vision about what you want to have in your life, think about ways you can bring that in.

Maybe there’s a direct path that is obvious. To use my example from the first post in this series, if you want to go to grad school, the next step might be to research programs, or apply for financial aid.

In my case, that was not a possible next step for me at the time, so I thought about what the grad school experience might be like, and what would bring those elements into my life. I identified taking art classes, setting up structured creative projects for myself, and connecting with other artists.

This process works for big and small desires.

Below is a page from my art journal, with a mind map I did when I was thinking about ways I could integrate more self care into my life. I was craving reading time that really felt luxurious (not the interrupted snatches of paragraphs that my reading life had been reduced to). What did luxurious reading time feel like? Reading a book all snuggled up in bed. Whiling away an afternoon, swinging in a hammock, lost in a great story.

Can I expect that I will magically create whole afternoons to spend in a hammock in this season of my life? No. But at least I can install the hammock. I can find myself a better selection of novels to add to the stack of non-fiction books that had been my recent fare. I can plan my evenings so that once or twice a week I go to bed early and then read until bedtime. And doesn’t that sound luxurious?

Here’s your assignment: Map out some ideas for yourself. Think about the question: What do I want to have in my life? What steps can you take toward the life you crave? What shifts can you make to make that life more real? What can you change right now that will move you one step in that direction?

I like these visual mind maps because my brain is visual. If your brain prefers to move in a straighter line, feel free to just make a list. Use whatever method works for you.

What is your first action to step toward the life you desire?

Read part 1and part 3 in this series.

If you liked this post, you can sign up to receive weekly updates in your inbox.