Well, I have been feeling that myself right about now with my quest to lose 50 pounds. It’s HARD! I eat less. Document every little morsel I put in my mouth. Question everything about my eating. I work out regularly and focus more on aerobic activities to burn calories and less on Pilates. And still, I struggle to lose one pound. The scale remains unwilling to move, not very quickly anyway.

I often look at thin people and think how wonderful it is for them that they never have to go through this pain and suffering. They just need to keep doing whatever it is they do now and they’re good.

Although weight is not the only predictor of health and I know that. (In other words, just because someone looks thin does not mean they don’t have health issues.)

The hardest thing to do is to GET to where you are headed because you have to change everything…

• You have to admit that the way you’ve been doing things aren’t working – not to get you to where you want to be anyway. You are a master at the actions and beliefs required for living as you are now producing the results you have today.
• You have to let go of bad habits and all of the things you are accustomed to because what you do now, how you think now will not work to get you to where you want to be. You have to stop doing things the way you’ve always done them.
• You have to learn something new. You have to be willing and open to listening to other people tell you new ways of thinking about and approaching whatever your goal is. (For me, it’s about learning to live at a new, thinner weight, and first, how to GET THERE.) I mean, if you knew how to do it, you’d be doing it. You’d already be there.
• Which means you have to ask for help, research, find new ways of doing whatever it is you are trying to do. Well, most people have a hard time asking for help and admitting that they could be wrong or not have the answer. We want to be RIGHT. And we like to figure things out on our own. We hate to open up and tell others how we feel. I mean, what will people think if they knew this about me? Blah, blah, blah.

Our mind does make it tricky for us to change. In essence, you have to let go of old habits and embrace new ones. Well that’s HARD! And it requires EFFORT. And it takes TIME.

Who wants to work that hard? And really, who likes to wait? We want immediate results and instant gratification!

You have programmed your mind and your body to respond a certain way to the triggers of daily life. It’s how you operate. And now you want to change everything!? Come on! Of course, you’re going to resist.

Change – be it an addiction like drugs, drinking, sex, gambling or food, or wanting to change something else like lose weight when you’ve been heavy for many years, be happy when you’ve been too busy to care for too many years, be in love and romantic when you were only ever focused on completing the to-do list – requires that you leave behind habits of thought and behavior that no longer work for you and create new habits that allow you to create what you want.

And it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do – until, of course, you want to change something else in your life.

Your partner for success on a journey of change,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

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Here is a beautiful slide show of our wedding day. Enjoy the show!

http://video214.com/play/QLwsP7US65yt01R70JQ1dw/s/dark

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~Nurturing Your Success

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It burns you up inside until you have no choice but to comply with whatever it is telling you is right. And you cannot move forward.

“Stuckness” refers to an overwhelming feeling of not having choices. You are paralyzed by your thinking.

Sometimes, guilt occurs BEFORE you change something in your life.

Guilt causes you to stop, take heed, and don’t change. There is no clear reason why you shouldn’t change things; Guilt simply doesn’t want things to be different.

Guilt doesn’t give reasons; guilt’s job is to tame you and keep things safely in your comfort zone. It likes the status quo, you see. Who do you think you are to change what it is accustomed to?

Consider this: you are fed up and want change. You decide you can no longer continue this way and you begin to take steps to change your circumstances.

BUT, you feel guilty about changing – you’ll disappoint people, what will other people do without you, blah, blah – so you hem and haw and finally, you recommit to the way things are now. Guilt holds you back from moving forward.

It becomes a vicious cycle of pain, struggle and heartache. You are a prisoner to Guilt.

Coaching Strategy for Success: Move beyond your guilt by giving yourself the POWER TO CHOOSE. Do what is best for you because you want to, not because you think you have to. Even things that are your responsibilities (have tos) are choices. You never have to; you choose to.

Guilt can also show up AFTER you’ve made your change. You left your husband. You changed jobs. You moved across country.

But you feel guilty about your decision and, since it is too late, the change has already been made; the guilt serves to keep you unhappy, miserable and well, stuck. You are not free to enjoy the changes you’ve made. This thinking keeps you focused on the past and wishing things were different…

Even if you are glad that you are not where you were!

Consider life as a journey of a thousand miles. Guilt has you looking behind you at what happened before. Being at choice means you are present and focused on what is here NOW.

You cannot change the past; there are no choices there. You either accept the past, or drag it with you into today.

By giving yourself permission to choose, you open yourself up to possibilities for a better future – and a more enjoyable today.

Guilt assumes that what you did was wrong and, therefore, YOU are wrong, bad and should be punished.

That’s guilt; it’s a form of self-punishment.

Coaching Strategy for Success: Move beyond your guilt by opening up to NEW PERSPECTIVES about your past behavior. What if you’re actions were perfect? What if the actions you took were important and essential – that you did the right thing and it was very brave? Hmmm…

Possibility thinking offers a new perspective and works to shift your focus from beating yourself up to opening yourself up. And once you are open, you are at choice and in command – rather than at the mercy of your Guilt – and you can move forward.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Got guilt? Schedule a free 30-minute coaching session to learn how coaching can help free you from your guilt and embrace happiness.

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Unrealistic expectations are a huge source of pain and stress as you create change in your life.

For instance, thinking that you could reverse your debt in a month when it took you years to get indebted, is unrealistic. Even if it were possible, you would find yourself back in debt in no time for you will have not learned the necessary lessons to maintain a debt-free lifestyle.

Change takes time. How much time may not be known, however, setting yourself up for disappointment could sabotage you and your efforts.

Believing that you can accomplish a change but having unrealistic expectations causes disappointment, anger and frustration. There is disconnect between what you think you should have and what it actually takes in order to achieve success. This is a game your mind plays with you and it’s not fun. You set yourself up to feel bad and be disappointed because there is no chance for success.

Change requires work. It will take time to unlearn the habits that got you where you are now and create new behaviors and habits to achieve something new. There is no instant success.

Just because you’ve decided it’s time for change and are committed to making it happen does not mean your life is [instantly] different. YOU may be different, but your external world isn’t.

There is a gap that occurs between when you set your mind on change and the change actually becomes reality. There is an internal shift that takes place first THEN your external world shifts to meet up with your new mindset.

This gap is where we become frustrated. After all, YOU are ready; why can’t you just be there already!

It doesn’t work that way. You have to travel the gap. No short cuts allowed. Lessons must be learned along the way.

• Figure out what it takes to travel the gap,
• Set realistic expectations for achieving and accomplishing the steps required to get to the other side, and then
• Take the first step!

Sometimes, you set realistic expectations but they turn out to be unrealistic. Be open to this and make adjustments.

For example, Betsy never met her sales goals. Month after month, she fell short and was embarrassed in front of her team. The sales goals were established by ‘the powers that be’ in her company. They would set high expectations so that people would work harder and harder. She had other responsibilities (like kids and a house to manage) and preferred to balance work with home life. She finally shifted her goals to be more realistic to fit her lifestyle and the time she was willing to out into sales. Now she meets her goals every month and it feels great.

Sometimes, you set realistic expectations and something unexpected happens outside your control.

For example, you are ready to retire but with the downturn in the economy, you are nervous about your level of savings. You decide it is best to continue to work for another few years.

You can only do what you can do. Focusing on and getting angry about things outside your control will not serve you.

Best to focus your attention and actions on what you CAN control, do the best you can, and make adjustments when necessary.

The message anger sends you is that something needs to be accepted. If you are angry, ask yourself what you need to accept about your situation. Frustration is a form of anger. It’s like walking into a wall and hitting your head over and over again hoping the wall will move out of your way!

Accept your reality and change direction. Set realistic expectations for success and then, let it go. Focus on your efforts and taking the next step for success.

You cannot control the outcome – only the process and what you do to move you toward your destination. Dissappointment occurs in response to unmet expectations. If you feel disappointed, check your expectations. Perhaps they are unrealistic for you at this time given outside forces. Ask what needs to be accepted about your reality, set different goals and change course if needed.

Call me if you need assistance.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – If you are attempting a big life change and would like some assistance, I am taking on TWO NEW CLIENTS who are interested in having a coach work with them as they take this change. As I write my book on “Motivating Yourself to Change”, you will be helping me create content for the book. If NOW IS THE TIME and you are READY TO GO FOR IT, contact me today to schedule a free coaching session. I look forward to hearing from you!

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Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success 

Apache Blessing

Now you will feel no rain,

for each of you will be the shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold,

for each of you will be the warmth to the other.

Now you are two persons,

but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling,

to enter into the days of your life together,

and may your days be good and long upon the earth.

The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it. It is a sort of divine accident and the most wonderful of all things in life. ~ Hugh Walpole

Falling in Love

And wherever you walked, she walked with you.

And wherever you sat, she sat with you.

And whenever you slept, she slept with you.

And whenever you awoke, she awoke with you.

And however you felt, she felt that way too.

And whatever you decided, you decided with her in mind.

And whoever you are now, you are that thanks in part to her.

And this where, when, how, what, and who, is called the mystery of love.

I Love You

I love you – not only for what you are,

but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things

that you can’t help dimly seeing there,

and for drawing out into the light

all the beautiful belongings that no one else

had looked quite far enough to find.

I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life, not a tavern, but a temple;

out of the works of my every day, not a reproach, but a song.

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 The food was phenomenal! It was all natural and wholesome. There was nothing processed or boxed or canned. It was fresh from the earth with no preservatives, no chemicals and no pesticides.

The buffet took some getting used to and the first two days we definitely overate. But after that, we learned to restrain ourselves and make good choices, to leave food on the plate if we no longer were hungry.

Although I didn’t keep my Weight Watchers points this week, I estimated each day and did better and better as the week progressed. I noticed that health and diet don’t take vacation. Just because I am on vacation does not give me a license to pig-out and eat poorly. While I certainly could, I had no desire to. I am on a quest to be my best self and that means every day, all the time not just when it is convenient or I am home.

Moderation is the key to success.

It is easy to make excuses for your (bad) behavior when you are away or when no one is looking. This is called integrity and integrity doesn’t take vacation either! Who you are is what you do all the time even – especially – when no one is looking.

When you cheat on your taxes – or your spouse – when you yell at your kids, when you gossip, when you sneak food or a smoke, you cheat yourself. And YOU know it. The guilt and shame is your conscience speaking to you. Your conscience keeps you up at night.

When you do not do what you know is the right thing for you, when you behave in ways that go against who you are, when you do not honor yourself, you hurt yourself.

And you can’t take a vacation from yourself.

Life continually tests you with opportunities that challenge your commitments and values. This is free will; you have the power to choose. When you are clear about what’s important to you, then it is easier to make choices in your own best interest, no matter where you are. And with each choice you make that reinforces your commitment to being your best and to living your values, you increase the trust you have in yourself.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

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Every day you experience feelings over things that occur. When difficult and challenging events happen, do you address your emotional state or perhaps like millions of other people, you have no idea how to handle your feelings when they come up? When you don’t deal with your feelings completely, the pain remains in your cell’s memory until you are willing to face it.

Learning to acknowledge feelings that come up for you and then speaking up for yourself helps you to deal with things in the moment they occur so you don’t drag things from one moment into the next.

In order to lighten your burden in the present, you must deal with and let go of the emotional energy (the baggage) you carry from yesterday and yester-year. You need to come to terms with your past and leave the past behind you where it belongs.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

When you experience some feeling, it’s like having someone tap you on the shoulder; it’s a message bringing your attention to something. When you acknowledge the feeling by recognizing its presence and experiencing it in your body, the energy around it dissipates; you can think clearly again. You cannot think and feel at the same time so if you experience a feeling regarding some situation but do nothing, the story you create related to the event will be grounded in your emotional state. Immersed in your emotional energy, you create a kind of cocoon that does not allow for reasoning; there are different areas of the brain at work when you are emotional versus when you are rational. Within your cocoon, you are in judgment and closed to hearing anything other than your own thoughts on the matter, thoughts which are circulating in your mind trying to make sense of the emotion you experienced rather than the event itself.

Feelings and the situation need to be managed differently. In the case of past events, which this article is addressing, the event itself has already occurred; it’s over. It was what it was. While you cannot change what has transpired, you can change how you think about what happened. Your emotional state at that time needs to be revisited. Unless you deal with the emotions associated with that event, you will continue to carry them with you into today. Go back in your history, decade by decade, what events, people, or things still evoke in you some emotion? If you are still angry about what your mom did to you when you were 10, then there is still work to do; you have not acknowledged how your 10-year-old self was hurting and you need to do so in order to move beyond it.

The Benefits of Holding On

What are the benefits of holding onto your pain? I know what you’re going to say: there are no benefits! But the fact is that there has to be something you gain by holding onto your hurt or else you would let go.

Read more…

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Are you holding on tightly to your pain? Are you ready to let go? Contact me today to schedule a free coaching session.

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Hey wait a second! What am I doing RIGHT? My pants are looser. I have more energy. I work out just about every day. The family has begun to eat better and be more active – with only a little push back from the boys! I am eating healthier including smaller portions. This is all good!

Too often, we are quick to judge – especially ourselves. We look at those things that have not changed or the things we have not yet done and we put ourselves down, beat ourselves up and stress out.

This feels bad!

If we assume that we are giving life our all, then why be so judgmental and mean to ourselves? If you do your best, then find ways to congratulate yourself. For example, you skipped a meeting because you decided your project or workload required your attention. Celebrate! Don’t beat yourself up or ‘should’ yourself (“I should have gone to the meeting…”)

Each day you make choices about your time and your behavior. If you are trying to change your behavior, eliminate overwhelm or change habits, then look for what you do well. Look for and celebrate all of the little choices you make during your day that coincide and support your efforts to change.

• Like when you say ‘no’ to another project or overtime.
• Or when you stand up to a bully.
• When you are more directive to your kids.
• When you listen more closely to your spouse.
• When you make a choice to take some time for yourself by going to the salon or getting a massage.

These are all successes!

We become what we think about all day long.

Beat yourself up, put yourself down for how badly you are performing, and guess what? You’ll stop trying to make changes because you will be talking yourself out of it – sabotaging your efforts and minimizing your chance for success.

If, instead, you focus on and acknowledge the little things you do that support your vision for success – your health, happiness, work/life balance – you will see how much you are doing to move you closer to your dream, closer to living life the way you want. The results are coming, things are changing – change happens slowly.

The more you notice; the more you will want to continue! You will being to see that it is working! You are doing it! And you will seek out ways to do more.

Too often we look only for the outcome rather than focusing on the process. But it is the process that matters most. It is the process that you have control of. Focus your efforts on the steps you take each day and pat yourself on the back when you do them.

For me, the scale is only measure. Am I working out more regularly? Am I getting stronger? Are my clothes looser? Am I losing inches and perhaps gaining muscle? Do I have more energy, more endurance? Am I eating healthier than last week? Where AM I improving?

Focus on what you do to move you toward your vision for change – acknowledge your efforts and this will motivate you to continue. Keep your vision for success in the forefront of your thoughts to remind you of what you are working toward and what you value.

And keep taking those baby steps. I’m going to go work out now.

Your partner for change,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

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Whew. Now I can breathe.

Overwhelm is a wonderful opportunity to identify areas that need attention. It is time for CHANGE! I must let go of old thinking and welcome someone else to clean my home. She will most assuredly do a better job than me because cleaning is not my specialty.

In The Journey Called YOU, I introduce the Time Enjoyment Model© where we compare ”skilled” with “enjoyment”. Quadrant four is anything you do that you do not do well and you hate doing. These activities cause stress and should be outsourced when possible. This quadrant is where the least amount of your time should be spent because you will not enjoy yourself here.

Quadrant one, however, is time spent doing things you are good at AND enjoy doing. This is where your work and most of your activities should fall because this is where you will excel AND have fun.

People who structure their lives doing only the things they do well and enjoy doing have a great life! They perform at a level of excellence, are highly paid and have fun!

Quadrant two is where you have little skill but have fun – this could refer to hobbies or to something you are just learning. A little time here is okay.

People who spend too much time in Quadrant three are often unhappy. This is where you are skilled but you are not enjoying what you do. This could be a great job that pays well but you hate it. Not a very comfortable place to be…

Admitting defeat, in my example, means that I have finally surrendered to my reality. If I want to keep working out and planning my meals in addition to taking care of my family and clients – and writing my new book - then I need to create some space in my time. I need to delegate or outsource some things that take up my time - things I do not need to do myself.

How do you know what to delegate?

Look at what frustrates or stresses you. Identify things that fall into Quadrant four – Unhappy and Unskilled. Ask the following questions:

• Am I the best one for the job? If not, who is?
• Can someone else do this job for me? Will they be able to perform the task in a way to produce an acceptable outcome?
• Is this something I want someone else to do? Or do I prefer to do it myself? (This gives me the choice.)
• Do I have the time, energy and resources to commit to this?
• What do I value in this situation? In other words, what is most important here?
• What would be the costs to do it myself vs. delegating or outsourcing?
• What are the benefits?
• What do I need to let go of (such as control or limiting beliefs – ‘women should be able to bring home the bacon AND clean AND cook AND be the family chauffeur you know’)

In this example, I value cleanliness. I enjoy having a neat and clean home. I am not the best one for the job and, if I want time to do other things that I would not outsource or delegate, such as working out (can you delegate that??) or coaching, then cleaning is one area that could easily be outsourced. The kids would never be able to perform up to standards so forget delegating! I can hire someone quite reasonably as to make hubby happy that it fits in the budget.

And the best part - the woman I hired is SO excited to clean my home! I gave her a job.

When we give up something that causes us struggle and strife, we find someone who, for them, this task falls into their Quadrant one – is skilled AND enjoys it. That’s how things work.

So today, I let go of needing to be the one to clean my own home – the limiting belief that I have to do it myself. And it feels pretty darn good. I know it will feel GREAT after she cleans for the first time and then, knowing I won’t have to do it the following week, ah, tears of joy start flowing just thinking about it.

Why did I wait so long and suffer so much??? I wasn’t ready to let go until now…

What are  you holding onto that you could outsource or delegate? I’d love to hear your story. Leave your comments below or send me an email Julie@NurturingYourSuccess.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

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From Struggle to Acceptance

Struggle is your response to whatever is occurring. You want so badly for things to be different you’re unwilling to surrender to what is. Whatever your situation be it difficulties with your kids or spouse or a job where no one listens to your ideas, there’s something you’re not accepting and you’re pushing up against it, willing it to be the way you think it should be that’s causing your distress.

Stop. Be still. And breathe. Take some time to simply be with yourself and ask yourself how things would be different if you were to just accept that this is the way it is. You don’t have to like it; it just is. Stop fighting reality. Once you accept the event, person, or situation as being exactly the way it is – like it or not – you can make better decisions as to how to respond and where you want to go from here.

The Choice is Yours

Often people think that they have no choices; that’s not true – there’s always a choice. You may not like your choices but that’s something else entirely.

Read more…

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Want to eliminate struggle in your life? Schedule a free 30-minute coaching session to learn how coaching can benefit you. Why struggle any longer? Unless you enjoy the struggle…

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