From Struggle to Acceptance

Struggle is your response to whatever is occurring. You want so badly for things to be different you’re unwilling to surrender to what is. Whatever your situation be it difficulties with your kids or spouse or a job where no one listens to your ideas, there’s something you’re not accepting and you’re pushing up against it, willing it to be the way you think it should be that’s causing your distress.

Stop. Be still. And breathe. Take some time to simply be with yourself and ask yourself how things would be different if you were to just accept that this is the way it is. You don’t have to like it; it just is. Stop fighting reality. Once you accept the event, person, or situation as being exactly the way it is – like it or not – you can make better decisions as to how to respond and where you want to go from here.

The Choice is Yours

Often people think that they have no choices; that’s not true – there’s always a choice. You may not like your choices but that’s something else entirely.

Read more…

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Want to eliminate struggle in your life? Schedule a free 30-minute coaching session to learn how coaching can benefit you. Why struggle any longer? Unless you enjoy the struggle…

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But are you READY to change?

You tell yourself you need to do this. You tell others too. People are tired of hearing it! And so are you.

But wanting something, even realizing “why” this is important to you, isn’t enough to do the work. You must be ready, willing and able to give up what you have for something better. Only then will you do whatever it takes to follow through and make it happen.

Although you want something different, you may not be at the point where you are willing to commit to change. This is why you keep talking about it, wanting it, dreaming about it but are not taking the steps needed to make the change. You are not ready to commit.

When you are committed, then you are ready. Until you are committed, you are still contemplating, dreaming, wishing…

It is okay to dream and wish for better things. We need to do that in order to identify areas in which we are not satisfied. When we become aware, we can then make different choices to create something different for ourselves.

Dreaming and wishing, however, does not mean that you are READY to actually embark upon the change. It simply means you are, well, dreaming.

People who seek out a coach are ready. They want something better and they are ready to do something about it.

You may not, however, know HOW to change or what, exactly, you WANT. But you know that where you are right now ISN’T where you want to be anymore and you are READY to DO SOMETHING about it.

If you are not acting on your desire to change, perhaps you are not ready.

Acknowledge that. Don’t fight with yourself about it. Be okay with it. It’s a great place to be. It doesn’t mean anything. It means you are HERE, not THERE on your journey.

Instead of beating yourself up or wishing and hoping for change, focus on GETTING READY.

Three strategies will help you to GET READY FOR CHANGE:

1) Accept your current reality as it is. Eliminate denial. Stop avoiding, minimizing, or making excuses for how bad it is or how unhappy you are. FACE REALITY AS IT IS. If you cannot face reality, there is no reason to change it.

2) You will be motivated to move away from pain or toward pleasure. People change ONLY when there is great impetus to do so. You must believe that your current reality is so bad that you can no longer stand it. You must be completely fed up! OR you can focus your thoughts on the pleasure you will experience when you have changed.

3) Surrender. Getting ready means preparing your inner world – your mind – for letting go of its attachment to your current habits, routine, comfort zone and identity. You must become willing to let go of it all in order to embrace and create a new life – a new YOU.

To be ready for change means you are willing to become someone new. And since you only know how to be who you are now and do the things you do, everything needs to be different. You need to learn new tools for living in order to achieve the change you want to make.

Being ready ONLY asks that you are willing and prepared to begin; it is okay for you to not know how to proceed – at least, at first. That will come.

First, get ready. And if you’re not ready for change, focus your energies on getting ready.

Your partner for change,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS Want to change something in your life? Learn how hiring a coach can help you achieve great results in less time. Schedule a free session today to learn more. You’re worth it.

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Think about it, if you cannot accept who you are AS you are today, how can you expect to plot a course for change?

Barb at the bank stated that she likes to be able to eat whatever she wants. “If I see it and I want it, I want to be able to have it.” She has been on a soup diet the last few months which, she says, is working; but, she admits, she is getting bored.

“This is not me. I was always very skinny.” Now in her thirties, she still envisions herself as the teen and twenty-something who could easily eat whatever whenever and keep a little figure.

But that is not her reality today.

Accepting where you are right now is a key element for success. Do not judge yourself by a standard or system that worked years ago. If it is not working, you need to accept that and THEN make choices that honor the person you are today.

For example, Barb may very well have been able to eat whatever she likes…but not anymore. She is older and, if she indulges h

er impulses, she will continue to gain weight.

Wishing and hoping for the past to continue into today is like living in fantasy-land; it won’t get you where you want to go. It only brings you:

• anger that you are no longer enjoying what you used to be able to enjoy,
• disappointment over life’s twists and turns, and
• frustration at your seemingly powerless position.

Living in the past doesn’t change the past OR the present; it makes you feel miserable, unhappy and will not serve you to create the future you desire.

Accept your current reality. This is where your power lies. Where you ARE may not be where you WANT to be. That’s fine. It is your starting point; it doesn’t matter where that is.

We are taking baby steps forward on a new path, starting a new life, and creating change that feels good and brings us joy and fulfillment.

Castles were not built in a day; we will lay one brick at a time.

Your partner for CHANGE,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS- Need strategies and support for creating change in your life? Schedule a free coaching session to learn how coaching can help you succeed. What are you waiting for? Life won’t wait.

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People shared some beautiful thoughts and poems – which I will share with you in future posts.

At night, after the wedding, Lou asked me why we didn’t write something to each other. We had been focusing on our nuptuals. He had difficulty sleeping and when he got up in the morning, he wrote this to me about our journey together – his first poem ever! Who knew he could write so beautifully? I have a feeling there is much more to him…

Let me know your thoughts. Enjoy -

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

~*~

US

Kids

Children going to school

A friendship is made

Parents

Meeting on a playground

A friendship is born

Trust

Earned as sleepovers come and go

years pass as days go by

Death. Divorce …Change

One moves, another further

Friendship dormant, but never forgotten

Life goes on

Fate

Friendships missed

A knock on the door, one afternoon

Lunch

Friendships strengthened

Realizations revealed

The night my world changed

Thoughts

In my dreams

In my arms

The line is broken

Friendship becomes something more

Is this true

Years pass

Love breaks through

Families unite

Time progresses

The question asked

Rings bought

Finally

The day comes

A day to remember

Me

Confident and successful

You

Confident and successful

US

Forever more

To the love of my life

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“Happiness is an inside job.”

Happiness is ONLY possible when you feel good about yourself from the INSIDE…when you feel worthy, deserving, and are accepting and compassionate with yourself: When you take CARE of yourself first and foremost and make choices that respect and honor you.

This means building a foundation upon which everything else becomes meaningful – including extrinsic rewards.

Without a solid foundation, life falls apart. You struggle. You have more stress and sleepless nights. You worry and are anxious. You experience more problems and have more difficulties. You wonder why life is so hard and why things are not working the way you want them to. You are pushing rather than enjoying.

And inside you know there must be a better way to live. You are often waiting for the “shoe to drop” so to speak.

When you build your life on a house of cards, then that is exacly what you will experience: FEAR and worry that any minute the house will come tumbling down. 

Much like building a house, there are several elements required before you would go out and buy furniture or paint. You first need to build a strong foundation without which it would be pointless to attempt to put up walls and a roof.

The same is true with we humans. We first need to build a solid foundation upon which everything else is added.

Our foundation begins to develop when we reach adulthood. But it doesn’t stop; we often just forget to pay it the attention it requires. You have a strong foundation, when you:

• know and live your values
• live on healthy energy sources and give up your addiction to adrenaline
• give up your addiction to drama and to problems – raise your personal standards
• manage your needs and make direct requests to get them met
• create strong boundaries
• live in integrity
• eliminate what you are tolerating
• clear unresolved issues – including key family relationships
• live in the present
• have a positive attitude about life

Whenever you find yourself stressed or are dissatisfied with or stressed about something in your life, often if you go back to the basics, you’ll discover that your foundation that is weak and requires attention.

How can you strengthen your foundation? Choose one area and start making changes to improve.

I have several assessments on the website to assist you or you can contact me for more.

Integrity is a great place to start. Identify where you might be out of integrity and start fixing that. You’ll feel so much better and you’ll be able to sleep at night! Which helps you to think more clearly…

As you improve one area, you will start to see how other areas are connected.

In our quest for change including the quest to lose weight, or whether you are seeking employment, getting promoted – whatever change you want to make, come home to your foundation and seeks ways to strengthen this first.

By taking responsibility for your personal development, you start to build a foundation that is strong and that can withstand life’s challenges. You stop looking outside yourself for love and acceptance; you start to respect and honor yourself.

And this is where TRUE happiness is found: by knowing that you are doing the right things for yourself and taking care of the basics, you lay a strong foundation upon which you can build great things.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Want help building a strong foundation? Schedule a free coaching session to learn more about the four-month individual coaching program.

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Often, people can become very upset, angry – even irate - when asked for favors; when people at work ask you to do things or to take on projects; when family asks questions that are intrusive; when neighbors ask to borrow; or kids ask you to buy yet another thing they don’t need.

People can ask of you whatever they want; that’s assertiveness. In fact, if you don’t ask the answer is always no. You ask to see if it is possible to get a positive response.

When asked, however, it is up to you to be assertive in your response. Take the time to check in with yourself to determine how you feel and if this is something you want, then speak up with your response.

The other day one of the nurse managers asked if I wanted to try some potato chips. They were buttermilk and herb flavored and people were digging in.

It was nice of him to ask. I felt included. After all, he doesn’t know about my personal quest to lose 50 pounds.

This was a test of will for me. In an instant, several thoughts ran through my mind: but you are on this quest and you would have to enter those points into the Weight Watchers point tracker which would ruin your days’ point allowance. Do you really want to use your points this way?

I said “no thanks”. It was easy; I’m not a big fan of potato chips.

But what felt good was that it was not an automatic response. I didn’t have the need to “fit in” or be nice. I checked in with myself to identify what I really wanted, what was important to me, and then responded. He wasn’t offended. And that was that.

When you get angry that people ask and allow yourself to become emotional, you are focusing on something over which you have no control. It is likely that you will lash out in your anger if your emotions are not tamed.

• You might react with hostility and snap back. Some people are very good at shooting darts with their words.
• You may talk about the person to others, “Can you believe what she asked me to do? What a ^&*#!”
• You may feel that you have no choice but to comply, and then blame the person for asking.
• You may have a need to please or to be liked.

It is not their fault you have these needs. It may seem like they are taking advantage of you; but it is human nature to ask the person they believe will do the work and do it well. Ever hear the saying: Ask a busy person because they will get it done. Then the busy person wonders why they are so incredibly busy, overwhelmed, and stressed out.

Instead of getting angry, be assertive. Start speaking up and saying no.

Being assertive means that you:

• take the time to notice how you feel,
• make a decision that works best for you,
• then speak up in a way that is respectful and appreciative.

You no longer are at the mercy of your needs – or your emotions. You do not act out of obligation or need to comply or please, but rather do what is in your best interest. You honor yourself.

You are polite in your reply. You might express gratitude for the opportunity.

Do NOT apologize. If you decline, be gracious but not apologetic. You are making a choice that affirms YOU. Never apologize for that.

You don’t control what people ask or how they might respond to your reply; you only control you.

Being assertive puts you in the driver’s seat, focusing on what you CAN control (YOU), and giving you the freedom of choice. Taking charge of your time and your responses is empowering. You also gain people’s respect, increase your confidence and are more productive.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS. Want to learn to be more assertive? Schedule a 30-minute free coaching session to learn how coaching can teach you the skills you need to gain the cooperation and respect of others.

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To begin, you MUST ask yourself – and answer – this question:

WHY?

Why do you want to embark upon this change?

Perhaps for you it’s not weight; perhaps you have a different change you’d like to make. That’s great. You have to know why you want to do this.

Change is not easy. There has to be a really good reason for rocking your world; so big, in fact, that it provides you with the motivation you need to sustain you along the way.

Why do you want this? Why is this important to you?

Be honest with yourself. If you make this change, what will it do for you and for your life? How will it ADD VALUE to you?

Is this important enough that you are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the results you seek?

You have to make the change for YOU: not for your kids, or your boss, or your spouse. For YOU.

It cannot be a SHOULD, something you should do because…(fill in the blank here). If you should do it but you don’t want to, you will sabotage your efforts and fail. Get honest with yourself and give up on SHOULDS. Focus instead on getting READY.

There has to be a reason and it has to be a good one. It can be simple, like your health. It need not be complicated or fancy. But it needs to be a strong motivator to break through the habits that you have now, the habits that will fight to keep you doing things the way you have been for so long.

Why is this important to you NOW? You may hold onto goals from when you were younger, still thinking you want that someday. Is today the day or is the goal outdated? Is it REALLY something you want for yourself NOW? And is NOW the right time to embark upon this change?

When you know why this change is important, then this is your purpose statement, the reason that makes accomplishing this change meaningful and powerful. With this purpose statement, you increase your confidence and are ready to take the next step.

I’d love to hear your reason for wanting your change. Please comment below – share about the change you want to make and WHY. Why is this important to you at this time in your life?

I’ll share mine – I am losing 50 pounds because this is one area of my life in which I have never felt in control. I want some control. I also want to take charge NOW because there is no later. If I wait it will only get harder, not only to lose weight, but to get in shape. I want to be healthy for the rest of my life. I want to be my best.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS – Not sure your reason for change is strong enough to go the distance? Arrange a free 30-minute coaching session to see how coaching with me can help you succeed!

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I have lost 7 pounds. Not bad.

Here is a video about my quest AND what I ask of YOU!

So, what am I learning?

I am eating more than I am supposed to. I am allotted a certain number of points each day and find it difficult to stay within that limit. I come close, but I consistently go over.

Luckily, Weight Watchers allows for this and gives you a weekly point allowance. Whew!

I have been consistently working out and enjoying walks in this beautiful weather. Last week, we were visiting West Virginia and I took a long walk along the Ohio River. Gorgeous! And it was very peaceful.

I am learning new habits and making better choices about what I eat, how much, and the value of physical activity on my energy level and lung capacity.

Good stuff! We must celebrate our success along the way, right?

So, what’s next?

Now that I have lost some weight, my daily point allowance is lowered! Nice, huh?! I would like to take greater steps to stay within the daily point allowance WITHOUT being hungry! I am still learning ways of doing that.

Because this is a lifestyle and a long term change, I can see how easy it is to make excuses and to slip back into bad behavior. People tell my not to count my points on vacation or on some special occasion.

But a special occasion doesn’t give me license to go haywire; it offers me opportunity to make good choices.

The question continues to be: WHAT AM I COMMITTED TO? And I am committed to this change!

Keep checking in – hold me accountable!

Change is never easy, especially when it is a BIG, personal transformation.

I am writing a new book on empowering strategies for change and need YOUR HELP! Please email me YOUR personal stories of how you have made great changes in YOUR life.

• What change did you make?
• What did you have to overcome – and how did you do that?
• How did it feel to accomplish the change or achieve your goal?
• Was there any surprises?
• What did you learn – about yourself, about life…?

People whose stories I use in my new book on change will receive a free copy when published!

I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your support and encouragement!

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

PS. Want to take on your OWN personal quest and get into the right mindset? Coaching can help! Schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how coaching can get you where you want to be in less time and with less effort!

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1)      Make a List.

Make a list of the roles you play in life – parent, spouse, sibling, homeowner/renter, borrower, employee, neighbor, friend, housekeeper, citizen, breadwinner, etc. You also have a role in maintaining your health and fitness as well as your finances and cooking for your family. What other roles do you play?

Look at your list; consider how you WANT to be known in each role.

• What are the qualities or characteristics you want to espouse in those roles?
• What’s important to you?
• What do you value?
• How do you want to FEEL in each of these roles?

This disconnect between what you THINK is important and how you behave is where you become very stressed. Juggling your roles and the expectations you have for delivering perfectly in each role creates stress and unhappiness.

…Especially when you have not stopped to consider what you value – what’s important to you as you play each role!

By constantly thinking you should be somewhere else doing something else and beating yourself up for not being a better parent or child to your parents or neighbor, you are not present for what you are doing. You cannot possibly be happy in the moment.

Your goal is to be at choice with how you spend your time and be fully present for it. THIS is how we find happiness and peace and self-acceptance…

For example, I spent many years thinking about my health and fitness but not doing very much. My story of having overcome an illness was guiding my behavior because it was louder and more powerful than any of the other thoughts I had about health. I also had occasional flare ups, which reinforced my feelings of powerlessness. I “reacted” when I would get sick and thought that I was a passenger, powerless to do anything to change my situation.

Until I decided I no longer liked playing this role. It no longer served me. I had better reasons to be healthy and was tired of being sick and at the mercy of these attacks.

What IS the role I want to play in my health and fitness? I want to retake my power and I BELIEVE I can find ways to empower myself and be healthy. I can be proactive in how I spend time and decrease the likelihood of being ill in the future.

2)      Define the Role.

• How important is this role in your life?
• What does it mean to you?
• How much energy and time are you willing to focus on each role?

By knowing this, it will be easier to make choices about how to spend your time.

Do you stay late at work or do you go home to cook for your family? Do you get up with the alarm and work out or do you sleep a few more minutes? Do you take a walk or play a game with your daughter or do you watch TV?

There are no right or wrong answers, so please don’t judge yourself. And an answer you give today may be different tomorrow when circumstances change. But, the question is, “Who’s in charge: YOU or are you at the mercy of your thoughts and your stories?”

For example, if my health and fitness is now a priority, then I need to move it up on the list in terms of importance. In other words, it comes first, not last and I get up with the alarm.

3)      Take Action Steps.

In order to create change you must eliminate what doesn’t fit to create space and then add what does. Take baby steps –

• What one thing can you do today to either eliminate or add something to your life that would be of value to you?

Take the time to consider the roles you play and what is important to you in each of your roles. Evaluate whether you are living up to your own ideals and then, take steps to change. By doing so, you become empowered, become more productive,  and you’ll be happier than you dreamed possible.

Your partner for success,

Coach Julie, RN ~ Nurturing Your Success

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