The Next Exit

The One With The (Almost) Explosion

2013-10-21T18:54:00.001+10:00

I feel like exploding.

So much suppressed anger, frustration, exhaustion and worries.

Anything might set me off now...and I am worried what it might be.

RAWR!!!

The one with the passing

2013-01-20T13:33:00.001+10:00

Woke up today and checked FB as usual and saw a friend's post regarding his dad's passing.
I am really sorry to find out about it and it has gotten me thinking a little bit about stuff.
We are all so fragile on this world. You never know when your time has finally run out.
Why aren't we letting ourselves be happy and without pointless conflict and burden?
Work problems.
Love problems.
Money problems.
A lot of them are self inflicted, aren't they?
I want to be free of these problems as much as possible.
But how to do it....

The One With The Downer Day

2012-11-01T15:18:00.002+10:00

Today is just one of those days.
Woke up feeling down.
Not that I had a bad sleep...just didn't feel great when I awoke.
Checked my potential class for tomorrow only to find it cancelled for some unknown reason.
There was a student enrolled in it yesterday.
Felt shafted again.
ANGRY but nothing I can do about it.
Still waiting for a reply with the job application at another institution.
This sucks.

The One With The Anger

2012-10-24T22:59:00.004+10:00

Today was a day when I was angry...ANGRY!
People around me was none-the-wiser of course.
I was so angry!

Angry at people who didn't have any concern over how their actions might hurt or damage me...or that it was done with so little care....the level of nonchalance was INFURIATING!

Mixed in with a dab of insecurity of what is to happen over the next few months, a touch of physical soreness that I experience everyday and finally a horrible expensive lunch sent me almost over the top.

I was exploding inside.
I wanted something bad to happen to this unnamed person.
Let him feel some fear and pain.
The power he has over people's lives must probably make him superior.
Damned him!
I know it is wrong to wish bad things upon others but I cannot stop how I feel this time.
This is the 2nd time I was shafted in 2 years....by the same organisation and person!
F**k him!

A first for 2012

2012-02-26T13:32:00.001+10:00

Well. It has been a while since I wrote anything. Seems not so long ago though. It's almost march and the new year felt like it was only a days back. So here I am now again at the food court in MacArthurs.

I want to say that is has been an exciting year to date but it really hasn't. CQU's summer semester ended like a flash. Working at the accommodations office also felt like a dream. So quickly over like a dream anyways.

This coming week marks the first week of the first semester for 2012 in the universities. I am back to teaching the database and programming classes again at CQU. Might be exciting and different because we will have domestic students joining us now. We will see.

Also got a part time gig working for the ISS in QUT to make changes to their systems. New territory but should be fun...hopefully.

All the unknowns are killing me. Lol.

Year end review 2011

2012-01-01T00:04:00.001+10:00

This is when I usually review the year and look at all the good times with a smile and sigh at all my regrets.

This year I am not going to.

It has been an interesting year. Not a good one, but an interesting one.

Doesn't matter though.
2012 will be better. Plans are in place. And I know what I need to do.

So happy new year you all. And have a great 2012!!!

Come What May

2011-12-30T23:35:00.004+10:00

The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return

Your Song

2011-12-30T23:32:00.003+10:00

Just something I feel like...

需要人陪 (Xu Yao Ren Pei) - Wang Lee Hom

2011-11-24T01:40:00.001+10:00

打开窗户让孤单透气
这一间屋子如此密闭
欢呼声仍飘在空气里
像空无一人一样华丽

我渐渐失去知觉
就当做是种自我逃避
你飞到天的边缘
我也不猜落在何地

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

闭上眼睛就看不清
这双人床欠缺的温馨
谁能陪我直到天明
穿透这片迷蒙寂静

我渐渐失去知觉
就当做是种自我逃避
你飞到天的边缘
我已不猜落在何地

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

一个我需要梦想需要方向需要眼泪
更需要一个人来点亮天的黑
我已经无能为力无法抗拒无路可退
这无声的夜现在的我需要人陪

柴米油盐酱醋茶(Chai Mi You Yan Jiang Cu Cha) - Wang Lee Hom

2011-11-24T01:31:00.003+10:00

小时候你想要什麽我要一臺大大蓝色的飞机
带我环遊世界到地球每一个角落在蓝天白云中穿梭

而长大以後我想要什麽我要一臺小小红色答录机
和你一起录下喂我们现在不在家蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻有了你什麽都不差

小时候你想要什麽我要一臺大大蓝色的飞机
带我环遊世界到地球每一个角落在蓝天白云中穿梭

哦长大以後我想要什麽我要一臺小小红色答录机
和你一起录下喂我们现在不在家蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻有了你什麽都不差

给你快乐无论白天黑夜握紧双手就算刮风下雨
我就是要你要你待在我身边保护你直到永远

柴米油盐酱醋茶一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻有了你什麽都不差

月儿弯弯爱的傻没有一个理由
活的那麽复杂有了你什麽都不差

Can't Stop

2011-11-24T01:28:00.002+10:00

:'(

You're Beautiful MV - Without Words (Park Shin Hye & Jang Geun Suk)

2011-06-28T16:50:00.002+10:00

The weather is perfect today...

2011-06-28T16:17:00.002+10:00

but my insides feel completely opposite.

I can only sing the songs...

2011-06-28T06:27:00.000+10:00

but you won't be listening.
I can only say the words...
but you can't hear them.
I can only feel the way I do...
but you'll never know.

夠愛

2011-06-14T14:14:00.002+10:00

Peaceful Solitude vs Noisy Companionship

2011-01-23T11:47:00.001+10:00

Which do you prefer?
I sometimes ask myself this question.
Lunching at MacArthur Central alone this Sunday.
It's always nice to be able to eat a meal quietly and at your own pace. No screaming children around nor incessant chattering of people around. Ah!!! Peace!

On the other hand, it's lonely to eat alone. Despite my aversion to pointless conversation topics, it's sometimes a better alternative to having a meal by oneself.

It's the same at church every Sunday.
Hundreds of people in the cathedral but I still feel so alone at Mass every week. I have no one to share this with, no one to go with.

So it begs the question again.
Peaceful solitude? Or noisy companionship?

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: 1 Week Later

2011-01-20T21:25:00.001+10:00

So it has been a week since the flood waters entered the Brisbane CBD.
Damage was extensive and several (and I mean many) places were under water for a while.
Most places were up and running within 48hrs but the lifts were a different thing.
Only got my lifts back on Monday evening.
Too long...too late I think.
I had already climbed up to my apartment a few times before that point and my legs were (and still is) very much in pain.

Everyone else seems to think it's a stamina/fitness problem for me but they really don't understand.
It's true that I am unfit and stamina is definitely an issue but it's the pain that drains my energies.
My knees are not in great condition (sports injury + weight + constant wear and tear) and it normally already hurts if I strain it too much.
Constantly forcing them to work more than they can handle was not a smart option but essential back then. :(

Anyways...1 week after the waters came, the Brisbane CBD is recovering at an unimaginable rate.
Took a walk in the botanic gardens on my way to work @ QUT this morning and it was as if the flood never happened (ignoring the gigantic pile of dirt and mush piled up to one side).
Most of the CBD is already back in action and even places that were under water have re-opened and have mostly been cleaned up.
Only the underground carparks are still not ready.
The Brisbane River water level is still quite high and probably still causing some minor flooding in those deep underground carparks.

The rest of Brisbane City is still reeling badly from the floods of course.
The constant warning (and possibility) of another storm hitting Brisbane and places further up the catchment area is giving grief to many people who are still trying to recover from the deluge.
I really do feel for people have suffered from the flood and hopes to be able to help to the best of my limited abilities.

But it really begs to wonder...with last week's flood event old news and the media already moving on to sensationalise other news, will people truly remember the carnage...like how the CBD seemed to have already forgotten all about it?

The one with the things you don't want on your mind

2011-01-18T23:36:00.000+10:00

Sigh...I wish I didn't have that conversation with the boys the other night.
Got me thinking about stuff I don't want to think about.
I was mulling in meh-ness but now I am miserable instead.
:(

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: Day 2

2011-01-14T02:56:00.000+10:00

Wasn't able to sleep last night but the radio was definitely a great companion when you are stranded alone.
Finally went to bed around 2.30am and set the alarm for 4.30am to check how the highest peak of the flood looked like.
Woke up to find that it wasn't that bad.

PHEW!!!

The peak was about 90cm lower than the predicted height and you have no idea how much that made things a lot less bad.
If it did hit that height, even Joel's place might have been powered down.
Fortunately for them, their power never got cut throughout the deluge.

Went back to bed immediately after realising that it wasn't that bad.
Woke up around 11am with a brainstorm.
I have gas, I have water, I have a lighter.
So I cooked up all my fish balls and used the remaining water to cook a package of instant noodles.
Something I never would've done without thinking about conserving water.
I also used the water used to rinse bowls to help flush the toilets.
Water conservation was definitely well in play.

I started with 11 bottles of 1.25L bottles of water and 1 half jug of water in the fridge.
Now looking at my supply, I still have 7.5 bottles of water plus 1/4 jug of water in the fridge.
Not bad for slightly over 1 day, especially when I wasted 1 whole bottle flushing without thinking of using it first.

Around 2pm I decided to go back to my "hibernation" routine only to wake up at 4ish.
I was feeling this breeze on my feet and was surprised.
My first thought was that it probably was a breeze from the outside but it was too constant.
Got up to find the fan working!

YAY!!!

Power was restored.
But I was confused, it was 4pm...when the high tide was supposed to raise the water levels again. How can there be power.
Turned on the radio and found out that the river levels were much lower than expected again.

To make full use of the unknown length of power, I plugged the laptop back to get recharged and also my mobile.
Logged on and got onto Facebook and MSN to let people know that I was safe.
But the power got cut again within 10-15mins...only to be restored again 10-15mins later.
I was wondering whether I should get out of the building via the lifts.
Really didn't want to escape a bad situation only to get stuck in the lifts.

Eventually I decided (after talking to Joel) to leave and grab some dinner.
Long story short, visited Joel's, found out that my lifts were dead again, went for dinner anyways, climbed 19 floors.
Now I am exhausted and getting ready for bed.
Hopefully the lifts can get fixed by tomorrow and I can start receiving friends here who need a little rest, a warm meal and most importantly...power to recharge their devices.

Brisbane CBD Deluge Diary: Day 1

2011-01-12T22:33:00.002+10:00

So it's 10:25pm at the moment here and most of the day has passed without much hassle.
"Hibernating" during a crisis like this does help a little cos I don't have to think about food nor water much.
We'll see how this goes tomorrow.

So the "excitement" started after lunch today.
- Power to the building got cut
- I found out that no power = no water = no lavatory facilities
- Actually saw water filling up the "Vision" worksite next door
- Actually saw most of Albert street covered with water. (It still isn't completely submerged)
- Had a minor panic breakdown and almost evacuated to Joel's place without thinking it through
- Regained composure and decided to stay put just in time

So it's reported that the worst of the deluge will happen in the next 6hrs, around 4am tomorrow morning.
The floodwater will be about 1m or higher than it's current height then.
It will last for an unknown amount of time before (supposedly) it begins to subside and start to get better.

That's all to report for Day 1.
I suspect tomorrow will be another day fill with misadventures here in Rivercity Apartments.
Hopefully no more car alarms, fire alarms and crazy neighbour singing opera.
You know...despite all of this, my spirits are still quite good.

Another Year, Another Rainy Season, Another Hopeful Break

2011-01-09T22:59:00.003+10:00

It's 2011.
It's finally 2011.
Well...it has been 2011 for 9 days already.
Things started off well (despite the rain) and I can only be hopeful that it stays well for another 356 days.

Started at QUT finally, helping with the ISS Accommodations Office.
It's a good job.
It's different.
Provides variety to what I consider "work".
So now I have 2 jobs that I like to do.
I only need to get one of them to become a little more permanent.

I was just talking to Mervyn the other day and realised that ever since I started in the workforce after university, I have been working in jobs where I get paid in hourly rates.
This SUCKS!
There is no stability (which I crave) and there is this looming financial uncertainty all the time.
Sigh!!!
But this year has potential to bring forth a little more fortunes for the Monkey (if you believe in that sort of thing) and I intend to milk it for all it's worth.

So I leave the past few years behind in the dark corner from which it grew and festered and now there is only a bright sky of possibility (again...despite the rain) for me.
Time to SMILE! :)

My Thoughts . . .

2010-09-19T23:15:00.000+10:00

I haven't really been writing a lot recently and I think part of the reason is because of bad time management and I no long write down impromptu stuff that comes to mind when I am doing other stuff in my life.
Eg. When I am walking down the street and I see something interesting or after a bad day of teaching or even having a totally relaxed day at home having done NOTHING.

I used to keep note of what I want to write about, albeit just a small note of the topic. I still do that on the phone with the Notes app but seriously...I hardly refer back to anything I noted there.

So I'll list down a few things I want to write about now and the next few posts will be on those 'topics'.
If you're reading this, help a dude out and suggest a few things that I can basically use to exercise my writing/thinking/brooding skills. ;)
Beginning to sound like 'Grumpy Old Men'.

So the next few posts might be about Bernie's(That's me) thoughts . . .
. . . on Friendship
. . . on Religion (All the Good Stuff)
. . . on Religion (All the BAD Stuff)
. . . on Living Abroad
. . . on Teaching as a Career
. . . on Being Single (and HATING it)
. . . on Being Single (and LOVING it)
. . . *Please help with more topics*

Recurring Themes

2010-09-18T09:36:00.000+10:00

The dreams have returned...
Hmm......
I blame loneliness and the topics discussed last night before bed.
:P

Lyrics - Grow Old With You

2010-09-07T20:43:00.002+10:00

I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

National Day 2010

2010-08-09T13:05:00.001+10:00

Wish I was back home.