Chasing a noodle

Prince George To Release His First Autobiography

Robert — Thu, 16 Nov 2017 18:40:24 +0000

In a surprising development, Prince George, the four-year-old son of Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, has today announced the release of his first autobiography. ‘Prince George: My First 4 Years’ will focus on his struggles to be understood in modern society and reveal how the terrible twos were a crushing disappointment. It also promises to

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New year, new calendar

Robert — Tue, 03 Jan 2017 16:27:42 +0000

A new year can mean only one thing… Easter eggs on sale in supermarkets? No, the other thing – it’s time to buy a new wall calendar. It’s become something of a tradition for me to have a calendar on the wall in my office at home, serving as a handy reminder for upcoming birthdays

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50 Shades Of Grey Can Flock Off…

Robert — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 17:34:00 +0000

There is much anticipation for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie and I don’t think we’ve seen so much controversy since Sharon Stone’s beaver made an appearance in Basic Instinct 23 years ago. I was 13 years old when that movie hit the cinemas and I must admit to feeling confused at why a small

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Naming the new ‘planet earth’

Robert — Wed, 07 Jan 2015 11:45:30 +0000

So, today we awoke to news that scientists have discovered a new earth-like planet. That’s nice. It’s just a shame they couldn’t have been more creative in naming it. Kepler 438b – that’s not a name, it’s a car numberplate. Thank goodness Christopher Columbus wasn’t of the same mindset when he sailed thousands of miles

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Moon Seeks Independence

Robert — Fri, 19 Sep 2014 15:34:35 +0000

Following Scotland’s bid to split from the United Kingdom, the Moon has decided to follow in their footsteps and seek independence from the Earth after 4.5 billion years. Speaking via Skype, the Man on the Moon (otherwise known as the First Minister) commented: “Honestly, what do you expect? You Earth people haven’t visited us for

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Anyone For Soup?

Robert — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 14:55:26 +0000

Now, you’ll probably appreciate it when I tell you that I’m no expert on kitchen utensils. Until recently I believed that Pestle and Mortar was a U.S. crime drama tv series from the 1980s. However, I think that if I use this Tesco ‘ladle’ to serve [cream of hedgehog] soup at my upcoming dinner party

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I Am Stupid – Pointless Letter #6

Robert — Tue, 06 Nov 2012 12:25:38 +0000

Today I received an email reply from someone that I had previously had correspondance with (he sent an enquiry to me, I replied). However, this particular email from him was less than kind about me, so I felt obliged to respond in my own way. It’s number 6 in my collection of pointless letters… His

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E-Love – Pointless Letter #5

Robert — Mon, 17 Sep 2012 02:05:12 +0000

This morning I received an email from Sage that tugged at my heart strings and begged to be replied to. However, me being me meant that my reply had to be one of my, now infamous, pointless letters. Here’s the conversation thread, with her email appearing first… Her Email… Subject: Hello, stallion! Stop killing your

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Robert Versus The Mosquito

Robert — Tue, 15 May 2012 17:14:39 +0000

Let me ask you a question: Why don’t they make alarm clocks with a mosquito sound? I can’t think of anything guaranteed to get you out of bed swifter than that irritating, high-pitched whine… with the possible exception of your cat peeing on your head. However, I would speculate that alarm clock sales might decline

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Speed Boating On The Lagoon

Robert — Mon, 07 May 2012 17:36:58 +0000

Having had fun with origami money boats two days ago, today I took the opportunity to jump into a boat of my own. Thankfully this particular boat was not crafted out of paper, which I think is a fairly good thing when you’re cruising across a crocodile-infested lagoon. I haven’t studied crocodiles a lot (I

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