NYC Dads and Stay At Home Dads Group

What the "Wonder Box" Can do For Families?

2012-05-31T07:00:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago, our family was preparing for our week long journey to Chicago. Since we are not a family that endorses our four year old to watch TV, use an iPad, or play Video Games, I need to be equipped with some handy tricks and surprises to ensure a 2 1/2 hour flight with a pre-schooler goes smoothly. Enter Education.com's latest innovation - Wonder Box!

What exactly is Wonder Box?
Think mystery shoe box packed with five engaging, theme related, and unplugged activities for play created by a team of educational experts at Education.com geared toward children my son's age, between 3 - 5 years old. The monthly themed activities "develop the skills kindergarten teachers consider most essential including letter recognition, number sense and fine motor skills." Initially, I was concerned that my son would whip open the Wonder Box and rifle through all of the activities, but was pleasantly surprised that each activity was individually wrapped inside the box to conceal the surprise.

The Wonder box that I received is jam-packed with "reading readiness" goodies surrounding the theme, "Once Upon a Time." Fortunately, I didn't have to pack many activities for the plane because every Wonder Box contains all supplies and instructions needed to complete the included activities and is sourced with high quality materials. On the plane, we dipped our feet into the wonder Box with the "Stone Soup" story and coloring book. That went over pretty well. For my son & I, pretend/imaginative play is one of our favorite activities, and so the STORY Cape helped "unleash my son's creativity." It was pretty awesome to see my son wearing the cape we designed (fabric crayons included) racing down the aisle of the plane like a Superhero on the way to the bathroom. He used his cape for our entire vacation and beyond!

Wearing Super "Story Cape" in Chicago Hotel Room

Puppet Shows have become a mesmerizing experience for my son lately. Consequently, we were excited to unpack the materials inside the fabric bag of the wonder Box. Inside the bag were all the things we needed to create a new felt friend: puppet body + colorful shapes to create eyes, ears, nose, hair, and any other bizarre feature you want to include + (non-toxic) glue! The puppet took us a while to complete, but we got silly with RALPH (we named our puppet after the captain of the plane), and starting making announcements as if RALPH, our new puppet, was truly flying the plane. "Ladies and gentleman, please put your tray tables up....we are flying at 30,000 feet so you may get up to use the bathroom...Hurry and sit down, we are landing."

The concept of Wonder Box (cost starts @ $24.99/month) reminds me of a wine of the month club, except, each month, you receive a whole new box of surprises to share with your children. We used it for a vacation, but it would be just as valuable for parents to use for rainy day activities, or as a fun resource when you're pressed for time. Looking forward to our next Wonder Box delivery!

Full disclosure: Even though we received a complimentary Wonder Box...my opinions have not been influenced by any brand and are 100% my own.

The Last Late Show with My Father

2012-05-30T07:00:00.000-04:00

Editor's note: There is nothing like reading a moving and powerful piece of writing that elicits memories about your own parents or self-reflection on how you are fulfilling the role as a parent. With father's day on the horizon, that's exactly how I felt when reading this timely guest blog post by NYC Dads Group member, Mark Greene, as he reflects on the memory of when his father left. - L.S.

My father left when I was six years old. The age my son is now. I don't remember my father leaving. Did he walk out with a suitcase? Did they engineer it so he left while we were at school? I remember an argument, in the back bedroom with the door closed. I remember doing my little-child Saturday chores as the spring wind blew through the house, I remember that. But his exit, days or weeks afterward, is not something I recall, forty five years later. I don't remember a day when he was suddenly gone.

There are things I do recall about my father. And I have the luxury of knowing where and when they happened because within a year or so, my mother remarried and we moved away. The house where I knew my father as the man married to my mother, were I stood as a small child looking up at him, is gone to the place of dreams. Of memories that form themselves into long rafts of lost emotions. A place where, if I am lucky, I will go when I die. I want to go there into that sunny back yard again and be ready to come when he calls.

♦◊♦

I still remember looking out the back window of the car as we drove away for the last time from the house I was born into, it's garage door gaping open for some reason. The garage light still on as dusk fell. The freezer where I had gotten my frozen tupperware ice pops standing open. That can't be right. Why would we have left the garage open? Exposed to the world? Perhaps this memory is false. Based on what I knew to be in the garage instead of what was actually in my line of sight that summer evening. But the moment of deep loss, looking out the back window as the house receded and disappeared is the truth. Regardless of what exactly peoples the landscape.

I recall missing my father as the years passed. I recall missing him so much I thought I would simply give up and die. The missing was a vast blank space of yearning, of wanting his touch and his smell, so big, so huge that I felt lost in it for years. I remember a scratchy call from overseas from him one Christmas that we kids waited up for late into the night. I remember how empty that call was.

When children are forced to release something they hold dear, it cements into their memories the moments preceding it. The way of the world before that change. The smells and sounds. They hold onto what is gone with a feverish intensity. When a child loses someone or some place dear to them, you had best be ready to replace it with something warm and real, or you will haunt your child with loss.

Before he left, my father would sit up nights watching TV. My mother usually went to bed early, exhausted by the work of raising four children. She was unable to find the energy to be present with her husband after her children went to sleep. My father watched TV alone. My bedroom was just down the long straight hall. I shared it with my brother.

My brother was a sleeper. I was a listener. There in my bed, I listened to the house growing quiet. As my older sisters were put to bed. As my mother retired. Until my father sat alone watching TV. Some nights, my father would get up and make a milkshake. I could hear the blender in the kitchen. It would shut off and then, rising on bare feet I would go to the bedroom door, careful not to wake my brother. I would ever so carefully open the door and peek around the edge of the doorframe.

There, down the hallway, he sat on the couch, a lamp beyond him, the warm glow backlighting him. And to this day I can see the warm glow there. I can see his silhouette. And as I peeked out, silent, he would turn and he would gesture to me. Then, I would enter the hall, quietly close the door, and race up the hall to join him on the couch.

There it would sit on the side table next to him. The extra glass. The extra vanilla milk shake. For me to sip, as I nuzzled under his arm to watch TV.

In Houston, in 1966, they had this thing called The Late Show. It wasn't a national show. It was a local. It came on after the news. It think it was on channel 11. They showed old black and white movies. And as the show began, some Late Show artwork came up and a jingle played. The jingle went like this.

The Late Show,
Nothing could be finer than the late show.
Nothing could be greater than the greatest of stars,
Right on your own TV.

♦◊♦

Those moments with my father carried me through some very dark times. He loved me. His warmth and his charm wasn't enough to quell the demons that wrecked his marriage, but he left me with a sense that I was special. And that I was loved. Even now, when I sit with my son, after a divorce and after moving him out of the house he was born into, I remember the lesson my father taught me. That the love of a father can heal wounds and fill the emptiness of loss. Even when that very love itself is what is lost.

And so, I hold my son close. I'm not leaving him. I'm with him. And I try to remember to be the man on the couch that wants him to peek out his door. And I think back to my father, young and strong and full of confusion. Still finding a moment for me.

On the couch as the Late Show began, there was a black and white graphic of a city with a big moon above it. A magical city where my father and I sat drinking our milkshakes. I felt in those moments, leaning against my father, that the world couldn't be more perfect. It's funny that all these years later, I can still sing that song. I still can see down into that glass, where the vanilla milk shake floated in chunks.

But I can't see him leaving.

Emmy® winning animator and author Mark Greene blogs about kids, relationships and politics. You can follow him on Twitter @megaSAHD Read Mark's children's book Flatmunder, about kids fears and the power of play for FREE RIGHT NOW on ISSUU. This piece was Republished with permission from Mark. It originally appeared on http://megasahd.com

I Learned How to Be a Parent in the Navy

2012-05-29T13:36:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: Thoughtful post from NYC Dads Group contributor and proud U.S. Military Veteran, Chris VanDijk. All parents get advice about how to best raise their kids, some of it good, a lot of it terrible. In the end, we all bring our own experiences to the table as we parent our children, and I love how Chris applies what he learned in the Navy as a guide for how he parents his son.

Memorial Day had me thinking about my own military service, and for some reason my wife and I were flooded with really strange parenting advice. It was strange because it came from other parents who seem to have done a really crappy job or had just plain given up.

Just for fun, I decided to compare their advice with the things the values I learned from the United States Navy.

Value: INDEPENDENCE

Advice: "Don't let him play with his tricycle. He'll hate it. My kid does."

My response: This is not your child. My kid loved it - the tricycle itself, just not so much the actual riding of the tricycle. He's not quite old enough to master pedals that parents are unable to disengage. He loved pushing it, steering it around, rolling it, talking to the handlebars like microphones. Let your kid try - not the just way you think he's supposed to, but in the ways he thinks he's supposed to. He might surprise you.

Value: DISCIPLINE

Advice: "You'll learn at some point, they’re just going to do what they want to do. You just have to give up."

My response: No. Your oldest is always stoned, dropped out of school, hangs out in grandma's basement selling dope to other 17 year olds because of your inability to discipline. Saying, “Hey, you know better,” and then throwing your hands up is not discipline. You can’t force him to drop and give you fifty, but you can do something.

If he's out of line, you send him to marching party, you send him to Captain's Mast and you drop his rank and paycheck. There is no excuse. You get your kid out of that basement, back in school or you come up with options that are acceptable to you. He is the child, you are the parent. Act like it. The consequences for both of you are too dire. The consequences for us as a nation are even worse.

Value: MASTER THE BASICS FIRST

Advice: "Your kid is smart. He needs to be in school now, or he'll lose all of that."

He's 2. He's smart because he is curious and this is the exact age for him to be exploring and learning from the world, not a book. He doesn't need to be able to read Kierkegaard. Basics. Small steps. Then expand! (I promise the two of us will break out my dusty copy of Virgil and be translating the Latin soon enough.)

Value: ATTENTION TO DETAIL

Advice: "He outside already? It's too early. My kid is still asleep. He refused to go to bed last night. I just let him sleep. Kids need their sleep you know?"

My response: It’s 11:00 A.M. Your child may still be asleep because you keep him out while you partied. He's running the hallway at midnight. Yes, he does need sleep. Maybe you could set up a routine. Story, Bath, Brush, Kiss Daddy, Comfy Comfy (pj's), Sleepy Sleepy is a routine that works for us. It's nightly. We pay attention to the details of each element of the routine and therefore he pays attention to the details. Does he stay awake sometimes? Like now, as he's trying to climb into my lap to see what I'm typing? Yes, he does. (But it's only 7:30 P.M.) Does the attention to detail pay off? Absolutely. How do I know? My kid was asleep at a decent hour and, to steal a line from the Army, did more by 10 A.M. than your kid did all day.

Value: BE SQUARED AWAY

Advice : "He looks sunburnt!" "Is he eating enough?" "Oh, he drinks milk? Not chocolate milk? You should give him chocolate milk... or a juicy drink. Or maybe a Gatorade. It'll keep him hydrated."

My response: I interpret this one as simply knowing more than a toddler. A toddler wouldn't think about sunscreen and a hat. I do. A toddler wouldn't pay attention to what or how much he ate. I do. A toddler wouldn't think twice about drinking liquid candy or some noxious neon colored sugar water. I do. I know better. Because I'm squared away like that.

My advice to these nosey parents is this: Teach your younger kids these things now or shove your 18 year old into a recruiter's office and sign him up. I'm a big fan of the reserves or national guard if you can't make the commitment. No, I'm not a war monger, nor am I an advocate for violence or armed conflict. I am an advocate for the lessons the military can teach a young man or woman who has not been exposed to them by age 20. I had excellent parents and most of these lessons I already knew, but in my need for college funds I joined the Navy Reserve and I found that I was lacking in the way I integrated those lessons into my life. I think EVERY child, should be required to go through boot camp. I think EVERY child should then give two years in service, be it in the military or peace corps or whatever.

Which brings me to my last lesson.

Value: SERVICE

Advice: "You make Turtle clean up?" "You make Turtle share?" (note judgmental tone)

You're damn straight I do. But most of the time, I don't have to. Why? My child sees us picking up random bits on the playground and keeping it clean for everyone, so he is in the habit of doing the same, doing his share. This simple little lesson permeates everything he does: he helps clean in his little group class; he shares; he helps around the house, trying his best to sort laundry - even the stuff that’s already been folded; he wants to be involved in the most mundane chores, often pulling his stool to the kitchen sink because dishes look like fun - and the sooner they’re finished, the sooner we all can enjoy story time.

He will become an adult who believes in the simple power of service.

That's advice everyone should take this Memorial Day.

Christopher T. VanDijk is an actor, writer, and dad in the NYC enclave of Astoria. He can be found in the local parks picking up random bits of debris, grumbling to himself about pride, respect, and service nearly every day. The script for his film "Cowboys Versus Indians" is currently in pre-production and his latest play is nearly... nearly... nearly finished. He is a proud member of Partial Comfort Productions and the NYC Dads Group. Want more? Hit Chris up on facebook, google+ or follow us in the twitterverse.

Being a Dad is "In" Right Now

2012-05-25T10:07:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: Enjoy this post from contributor Jack Howard-Potter as he opens up about his decision to be at home with his daughter, his frustration with the media's assumptions about at-home dads, and why the decisions he and his wife made together are working for their family.

I consume a lot of news. Coming from a newspaper family on Mom’s side and a publisher/author on my Father’s, I guess it is in my blood to keep up on current events. I take in the news on a regular day about 4 or 5 times. Reading the paper in the morning, checking the AP app on the phone later, going through the second paper I get during lunch, TV news at night and some Twittering and Facebook during the day. I usually have a good grasp of what is in the news most days. One thing I have noticed in the past few months or half year is the groundswell of attention to Stay at Home Dads.

Maybe you have seen the recent cover of The New Yorker magazine which depicts a scene in a playground where Dads are shown in numbers playing with their kids, wearing the Bjorn sling with one while taking to the other, climbing steps, feeding bottles to babies and picking flowers while one confused Mom looks on. It struck me when I saw it that right now in the news there are a lot of stories being done about Dads who stay at home and raise the kids while the Moms are working as the breadwinners.

Now most of these stories have an angle that I find typically boring and most of the time completely not true. The details are always a bit different but the overarching theme of these stories is that with jobs being harder to find, men losing their jobs in greater numbers and the cost of childcare going up men are staying at home in response to the economy. I have read and watched many interviews and articles where the journalist asking the questions says, “So when you decided to stay home was it a purely a financial decision and how do you feel with your wife being the breadwinner?” I take offense to the notion that the only reason men decide to stay at home is because there are concerns for money in the household and that in some way having the woman in the family being the sole provider is emasculating.

There are in every situation details that differ but in most cases concerns for money are just one factor that go into the decision for Dads to stay home. There are many others including: which parent has more patience with unruly kids, tolerance for repetition, ability to nurture and accept the hardships of being sometimes isolated and angry. By arguing that the size of the salary dictates who stays home it diminishes the skills and dedication that mothers and fathers display every day when raising their kids.

Staying at home full time to raise kids is hard work. Lest you think that the only thing stay at home parents do every day is watch TV, eat and sleep you have another thing coming. There is activity scheduling, feeding, shopping, maintaining the household, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, I could go on and on about the things I do everyday besides dealing with teaching my daughter to count, spell, jump and treat other kids and our cats gently. It can very often be physically and emotionally exhausting.

But it is always a gift, an opportunity, and a delight to see the small things that kids master and learn. For all the hard work that millions of people pay childcare providers millions of dollars each year to do how could it not be something that is at the same time draining and fulfilling as well as a full time job. When I hear reporters asking if men are emasculated by being a stay at home dad, who is not the breadwinner, it makes me so mad. Men have been involved in rearing children for eons, in the wild there are species where the male is the primary and sole caregiver. Being a father allows me to be a more caring man, more compassionate, sympathetic, patient, funny, understanding and useful. My character as a person is far deeper now that I have had the chance to experience my daughter’s meltdowns, triumphs and fears.

So rather than viewing stay at home dads as some poor schmuck who couldn’t earn enough money and a guy who is “less than” some Fortune 500 CEO, lets all start understanding and enjoying that raising our kids is a once in a lifetime opportunity to contribute to society and make the world a better place. It is a choice to do things differently, a choice to step up to the plate and accept a pretty hearty challenge, a choice that resonates with responsibility, caring and strength as a man. That will always be “In”!

Jack (Jake) Howard Potter resides in New York City with his wife, Erica and (two year old) daughter, Skylar. Motivated by his study of human anatomy and movement, Howard-Potter works with steel to create large-scale figurative sculptures. His work has been on display throughout the world in outdoor sculpture parks, galleries and public art exhibitions. Aside from being his daughter's primary caregiver, Jake is an active endurance athlete competing in multiple half marathons and triathlons each year. To view his work or learn more, visit www.steelstatue.com or visit @steelstatue on Twitter & Facebook.

Dads Reality Show: Be Careful What You Wish For

2012-05-23T14:55:00.001-04:00

Editor's note: The pitches from production companies wanting to do a docu-series or reality-style TV gig about stay-at-home dads has significantly increased. Not sure which production company will win the race (if any - we just don't believe the life of an at-home dad is exciting enough to warrant a recurring TV show - maybe an engaging six minute news segment - unless they create unnecessary or negative drama). Either way, there are some dads out there raising their hands saying, "pick me, pick me" to participate in a reality TV show, and this guest blog post from NYC Dads Group member, John Scamardella, admits that he is willing to take the plunge. We just hope that the project is authentic, drama-free, and portrays fathers in a positive way. - L.S

You ever hear the saying: "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it."

Of course, you have.

Recently, my family and I have had a handful of opportunities spring from my website blog, yourstayathomedad.com. We’ve been asked to audition for a commercial, a documentary and a reality television show. And I have to say, it’s pretty exciting. I mean, who would’ve thought that there could be so much potential in me not having a job. It really makes you stop and think.

Sarah and I just spoke with the documentary people yesterday and it seemed to go really well. The documentary is about how roles of women and men are changing with a focus on the working mother. As we spoke to the producer, the whole thing started to move from potential opportunity to very possible reality. Then I thought, “Do I really want this?” I mean, here I am a stay at home dad. A role that I have just recently come to terms with and accepted after being one for two years. Do I really want cameras in my face broadcasting my life to the world?

Well, the short answer is that I really think more good can come out of going for it than letting it pass by.

The long answer includes the many advantages: Free publicity for the blog, educating the public and shattering the stereotypes of high-powered, domineering working moms and effeminate, passive stay at home dads.

I’m also excited about the fact that the documentary focuses on my wife, Sarah. As I am a natural ham and enjoy being in the limelight, Sarah is happier being behind the scenes, which I think, truly is a shame. She is way more genuine than I am. As an actor, I have spent so much studying emotion and trying to recreate it that I sometimes forget how to just be real. She’s the kind of person who always puts the other person first; she always has questions, where I have stories. Her natural inclination is to want to know people, where my natural inclination is to want to be known, (hence all this blogging, auditioning, youtubing, etc.)

While some people may argue that traditional husband and wife roles are out-dated, I have to admit, Sarah and I are constantly struggling with inner conflict. Simply put: I struggle with letting go of the provider role and she struggles with letting go of the caregiver role. But why? If it truly doesn’t matter who does what role, as some people argue, then why does it matter to us in our hearts? Some people might argue that it’s instinct and instinct shouldn’t be denied. Others might argue that it’s just an imprint of society’s dogma, which has been ingrained in us over time and must be “unlearned”. Either way, it’s a struggle. Quitting just isn’t an option. So we keep struggling. Me, I enjoy exploring the struggle and if this documentary happens or we get put in the reality television show, then that struggle will be broadcast all over the world. And then we’ll struggle with that.

I’ve said the word “struggle” in my head so many times that it’s starting to sound funny, like some funny character from a fast food commercial.

Struggle, struggle, struggle, struggle.

Heh.

Check out John's reality-TV video submission:

John Scamardella is Your Stay At Home Dad. He has a three-year-old daughter, Anna and an eight-month-old son, Lucas. Visit them at http://yourstayathomedad.com. Like them on Facebook athttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Your-Stay-At-Home-Dad/370874496258886.

Not a Proud Parenting Moment: Dad Puts Toddler in Washing Machine and Turns it On

2012-05-22T14:00:00.000-04:00

Holy crap! This video scared the crap out of us....but, like a "rubbernecker", couldn't stop watching. Not sure what the dad's intentions were, but regardless, the result is certainly NOT a proud parenting moment. We appreciate Patrick Spillman sharing this Yahoo Shine video clip with us:

Worst Parent of the Week: Dad Puts Toddler in Washing Machine and Turns it On

HUGE DAD PRESENCE at NEW YORK BABY SHOW

2012-05-22T10:50:00.001-04:00

Over the past beautiful weekend, our friends at New York Family Magazine presented the New York Baby Show on Saturday, May 19 and Sunday, May 20. The NY Baby Show has always embraced dads, and the NYC Dads Group specifically. We were honored to once again host this year's DADS LOUNGE co-sponsored by HUGGIES, that was an amazing oasis among the high energy bustle of the show. Thousands of new & expectant parents flowed through the floors of the New York Baby Show so we made sure....The Dads Lounge was an inviting, engaging, and relaxing destination equipped with changing tables, gliders, couches, a flat screen, plenty of tables and chairs, and thanks to Huggies, fully stocked with diapers and wipes to keep moms, dads, and kids happy all weekend!

Throughout the weekend, we had thirty members of our group, facilitators from our New Dad Boot Camps, and some of our favorite bloggers, journalists, authors, and parenting experts join us in the dads lounge to share their experiences as caring, capable, and confident parents. Too many individuals to thank, but to name a few that were Hanging out with us are local legends like Great Moments in Bad Parenting, Your Stay at Home Dad, DaDaRocks, GayNYCDad, Skinned Knees in Short Pants, MaJenDome, and Sally Tannen (92Y Parent Center Coordinator. It was wonderful to see hundreds of expectant and new dads coming into the lounge (some flying solo and many with their wives/partners) asking questions, seeking advice, describing their nervousness, feeding their babies, changing babies, or just picking up a free pack of Huggies. Amusingly, the number one question asked at the dads lounge all weekend was from the wives, "Are we allowed in too?" Yes, all were welcome!

We were very proud that Huggies joined us to sponsor the Dads Lounge. Over the last few months, we have gotten to know the Huggies team and we are so happy to see that their new print and TV campaigns portray dads as we are-- caring, capable, and confident. Here's a great example:

Thanks again to New York Family and Huggies for your continued support!

And for those of you who missed the show, here is a preview from ABC News:

The Daily: FATHERS’ GROUPS ARE EFFECTIVE SUPPORT SYSTEMS

2012-05-21T07:00:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, about thirty fathers from the NYC Dads Group "manned" the Dads Lounge at the New York Baby Show (more about this tomorrow) co-sponsored by Huggies - the dads lounge was a revolving door of hundreds of expectant and new fathers seeking advice, asking questions, and sharing some of their concerns about becoming a new parent. We're certainly not experts, but we thought it was our goal to explain to these expectant/new dads the importance of being a part of a social group with other caring, active, and involved fathers.
Here are some of the things that came up during these conversations with our NYC Dads Group members:

Why Should I Join a Dads Group?
10. It's a healthy social outlet - meeting up with other dads and their kids can be a great way to spend part of your day hanging out (or talking sports) with people in a similar situation as yourself
9. Feels like a fraternity (a dad-ternity) with guys who understand your situation
8. Safe place to share best practices, enjoy successes, and vent frustrations
7. You can learn a lot from other dads, like what to do when your toddler's answer to every question is, "No!"
6. Dads Night Out (DNO) once a month - True story: parenting had been so challenging for one particular dad in the group that DNO actually forced him to get out socially without his wife for the first time in over a year
5. To support each other through an extremely challenging job
4. Enable our kids to frequently socialize, bond, and play together
3. To have a place where you can continue playing Fantasy Sports (or participate in an NCAA bracket pool) - "Because 2-year-olds aren't going to help you decide between Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers"
2. Participate in fun, engaging, and interesting things that you probably would not do on your own
1. So you do not have to go through it alone! Let's face it, guys do not always like to ask for help, read the manual, or ask for directions

Hopefully, this top ten list will give a few expectant dads & new dads we met over weekend the gentle nudge they need to throw in the towel, not do it alone, and just join a group.

Along this same theme, Friday's THE DAILY published an article - PAPA POWWOW: FORGET THE FILM VERSION: FATHERS’ GROUPS ARE EFFECTIVE SUPPORT SYSTEMS by Chavie Lieber - talking about the importance of avoiding the isolation as new dad & joining a social group. The article drew comparisons to "the Dudes Group" featured in the film, "What to Expect When You're Expecting." The article featured three dads groups from across the Nation - Omaha, Ne, Kansas City, Mo, and us - NYC Dads Group! The message from the all three dads groups (as well as the "dudes group" in the film) was similar:

I initially joined for the social aspect, said Shannon Carpenter. In our daddy group, we hang out and can relate to each other, helping out by sharing our experience on things like potty training and postpartum depression. We even discuss what type of diapers we buy.” - Kansas City Dads Group

“Joining was the most important thing I ever did for our family. The guys make it possible for me to stay home, to stay married, and help me stay confident in handling my four kids,” Al Watts said. Like most of the groups, the Omaha chapter has weekly outings to zoos, baseball games, parks and museums, where the dads can interact with each other and their kids. But for many, the group is also a social outlet: They also have Dads’ Night Out once a month. - Omaha Dads Group

We’re at a time of great change in fatherhood,” Somerfeld said. “I know it’s funny to make fun of dads being bumbling idiots, but that time is over. I wish they would show how cool fatherhood is.” - NYC Dads Group

Movie Review: What to Expect When You're Expecting

2012-05-16T11:19:00.001-04:00

We've been pretty upfront about the fact that TV and movie writers, directors, and producers have massacred dads in their work. Dads are portrayed as completely distant and uninvolved in parenting, a danger to our children, or complete buffoons incapable of handling even the simplest parenting moments.

When the team at Lionsgate called to invite 25 members of the NYC Dads Group to attend a free screening of their latest film, What to Expect When You're Expecting, I was was very weary of getting caught up in the PR machine of what was sure to be a funny, but disastrous portrayal of dads. We communicated our concerns to Lionsgate, and they assured us that we had no reason to worry.

So, with cautious optimism, we did in fact attend a screening last night, and I have to say, it blew past all my expectations, both as a film, and as a reflection of the experience of pregnancy for moms and dads.

I don't want to give too much away, but the film, like the book of the same name, gives a peak into the variety and the trials and tribulations of conception, pregnancy, childbirth, and adoption. Conception is easy, or even unplanned, for some of the couples and difficult and full of intervention for others. Pregnancy is joyful and beautiful for some, and debilitating, painful, and gross for others. Childbirth is quick and painless for some, long, painful, and surgical for others. All that said, this is a reflection of the experiences for upper-middle class, heterosexual, mostly white people (though Jennifer Lopez, Chris Rock, Rodrigo Santoro, and Amir Talai are featured prominently). Jennifer Lopez's character does lose her job sometime in the film, and the loss does effect some decisions, but the rest of the characters seem to be without financial worry.

I'm not a film critic, so I'm not going to talk about the cinematic qualities, but as a filmgoer, I found the movie to be laugh-out-loud funny and certainly a more than palatable date-night movie when your partner suggests it. This is definitely a movie for couples that are thinking about having children and those that have fairly recently been through adoption or childbirth. Our youngest son was born nearly four-years ago, and the jokes and references still resonate.

And the portrayal of dads? The film goes back and forth between the conception/adoption, pregnancy, and childbirth experience mentioned above, and scenes of The Dudes Group, a group af dads that get together regularly, with their kids, to blow off steam and get support from another (sound familiar?). The scenes with the couples authentically represent the struggle and potential marginalization of dads. More than once, dads are put in their place when they have an opinion because their partners are the ones sacrificing everything. For example, one couple is seen debating the decision to circumcise (he's for it, she's against it), and in the heat of the moment, says that it would be easier to be doing this by herself-- a comment I know fathers are hearing. These scenes also show dads going through the transition to fatherhood-- some eagerly and immediately, others are worry and fear.

For me, the scenes with the Dudes Group are the highlight of the movie. Sure there are some gratuitous jokes for laughs, but they are the same gratuitous jokes that some dads in our group make during one of our Meetups. The Dudes also have moments of oneupmanship in supposed "bad parenting," but we see the opposite as they are seen constantly wearing their babies. The group's code includes "Don't Talk About What We Walk About" and "We Don't Judge," two rules that we definitely encourage in our group. The Dudes Group in the movie is framed as the way to get expectant fathers comfortable with fatherhood, which must be a first as a popular culture reference. I'm guessing The Dudes Group will be featured even more prominently in the sure to be sequel, What to Expect: The First Year.

If anything else is missing from the movie (aside from gay/lesbian couples and working/middle class families), it's the fact that no attention is given to issues like childcare and work-life conflict, but again, maybe they'll bring some of those issues in for the sequel.

Overall, a funny and authentic look into this slice of American modern expectant parenthood.

Here are some pictures from our own Dudes Group- all taken by Adam Jeffery, a talented photographer and member of the NYC Dads Group.

It's Not a Dad War, but We Can All Learn Something

2012-05-15T18:40:00.003-04:00

Editor's Note: Josh's post yesterday caught fire. If you haven't read it, please read it and make sure you scan the comments. Very interesting discourse. Personally, I think too much has been made about the "Dad War," we're all adults and THEYCALLMECODY seems to be fine. These are important conversations to be had, and we appreciate Josh's original post and this follow up.

So this thing happened. A person new to blogging wrote a blog post on a decently trafficked website. The post was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek, self-deprecating tribute to his wife. Slap a title on that puppy, and you're done. A funny thing happened on the way to the publication. In a decision his wife later said she disagreed with, he made the post title about all fathers, not just himself.

So another thing happened. A bunch of involved dads, including some that you all know, got their hackles up. Missives, as both responses and other blog posts, went flying around the intertubes. You probably saw the one here. Hyperbole and more tongue-in-cheekiness abounded. Exaggerations were made and names were called.

The sidelines went crazy. A facebook post by the original website had tons of comments about how horrible men are. Comments came fast and furious from both sides, recruited via twitter and other social media. "Ringers" were brought in, both pro and con. Mr. Burns was somewhere yelling at Mattingly to shave his sideburns.

Deeeeeeeeep breaths people.

And here's where we're left: A response from the author, explaining himself. One that will satisfy his supporters, and likely disappoint many of his detractors-- me for one. I'm sure there'll be others.

Cody is left thinking that he tried to pay tribute to his wife and get a few page views, and it turned out to cause an all out assault on him and his family by a group he wasn't sure existed. A group he was disappointed in, because they had never given such a response to any of his other work. He's also disappointed about the level of discourse.

The opposite side is thinking that he tried to pay tribute to his wife and get a few page views, and that he did so by using inflammatory language that, while inadvertent, managed to insult a lot of dads. A group that was disappointed in him, because he's been given a pedestal from which he can do great good for parents, male and female. The dads are also disappointed about the level of discourse.

So that's where we're left. Both sides disagree about a lot, but seem to agree that words should be chosen carefully, and with the audience in view. Cody doesn't want to see himself (or his family) attacked personally, even in jest, and the dads on the other side want the same. Sweeping generalizations about groups made for comical reasons and page views often backfire. Calling someone a douchebag, even in jest, can hurt their feelings too. If we all want to raise the level of discourse, then it's up to us ALL to do so.

Live and learn.

(Although I'm not hugging it out with that one dude. That's kinda creepy)

Josh Kross is an at home dad to his three kids. When not putting his MBA in operations management to use making sure his kids get where they need to be, he is the Upper West Side event coordinator for the NYC Dads Group. Follow his blog, The Angry SAHD.

In Support of Mothers, Dr. Sears, and Attachment Parenting

2012-05-15T10:21:00.002-04:00

Editor's Note: Another great post from passionate NYC Dads Group member, Chris VanDijk. Sit back and relax for this one-- Chris has a lot to say about his family, Time Magazine, Dr. Sears, and his take on Attachment Parenting.

WTF!?

That's the first thing that popped into my head and, simultaneously, out of my mouth when I saw the new cover of TIME Magazine: A skinny, detached mother, her face oozing judgement with what looks to be a four year old, just standing on a chair, attached to her exposed breast.
Just hanging out... sucking a tit.

The MOTHER'S DAY issue has this disturbing cover with the title, "Are You Mom Enough?" This implies that there are mothers who are not.

Since my wife was only able to nurse our son for the first year, I assume they're implying that she isn't.

I know differently.

I guess I should be upset that my son isn't attached to my wife looking like a recruit from Camp Lejeune doing a keg stand while on leave.

I'm not.

It took me awhile to understand the image. There's a nice piece discussing the photos and the images they used, relating them to the religious iconography of Madonna and Child. There are some beautiful images inside, but the cover image was so jarring it made me look at the issue. (And that's exactly what TIME wants . . . they are all the talk at the moment, aren't they? It's all about selling something, right?)

And as I got into the articles, there’s truly nothing new, nothing shocking. The response seems to be much ado about a photo . . .

And a headline. A headline that pits parenting styles against each other. EXTREME BREASTFEEDING!

Please.

TIME, I kind of hate you right now. Why? Because most people will not actually read what Attachment Parenting is. Hell, in one of the articles a woman, who is an "extreme breast feeder," makes the idea of baby wearing and co-sleeping sound like Nazi experiments in the 1940's as she tries to desperately to convince us that she's "not an attachment parent . . . "

Attachment parenting is not some detached skinny jean model with her four year old suction cupped to her. It is not some dogmatic thing where you must breastfeed until the child is in middle school, co-sleep until college, and never vaccinate (In fact, Dr. Sears, the "Attachment Parenting Guru," goes into great detail on what immunizations your child must have and when, also dispelling many common misconceptions about vaccines).

It's not crazy. Crazy people are crazy. They’re not doing crazy things because they read a book on child rearing and said, "Let's see just how bat guano we can make this?"

This is about following your instincts.

Attachment parenting IS, as described by Dr. Sears:

"A way of caring that brings out the best in parents and their babies. Attachment parenting has been around as long as there have been mothers and babies. It is, in fact, only recently that this style of parenting has needed a name at all, for it is basically the commonsense parenting we all would do if left to our own healthy resources."

It is a return to the simple way of nurturing a child that somehow got lost in the "your baby is trying to manipulate you, put them in the crib and let them cry it out with a bottle of formula" style that became the hallmark of American parenting over the last half half century.

Dr. Sears specifically, in big ol' letters so everyone can see them, titles a section: PARENTING YOUR BABY, because this is about YOU and YOUR baby. Pitting parenting styles against each other is not only a waste of precious energy, but detracts from a simple fact: all kids and all situations are unique. We have friends who Ferberized their child. We chose to co-sleep. (Safely co-sleep, there is a difference and most co-sleepers are aware of that. We're not shuttling down a bottle of Patron and a cigarette and placing the child between our 400 pound selves on a giant goose down cushion... that would be nuts.)

Point is, by the time these two children were one year old, they were both in their cribs, for the most part, sleeping. The other parent’s path involved more crying, ours involved more feet to the face than I'd like and the occasional flying fist to the groin. However, both kids got to the destination: independent sleeping!

According to Dr. Sears book, The Baby Book, there are three goals to Attachment Parenting:

to know your child
to help your child feel right
to enjoy parenting

There are seven steps to achieving this.

Bonding With Your Child Early.
Don't keep your new baby in the nursery at the hospital. Pick her/him up.   Your child wants nothing but you. And you need her just as much. I can't tell you how frustrating it was to have the woman we shared our birthing room with text and talk on the phone all night and all day and then call the nurse whenever she needed a simple diaper change. She complained about the child crying and how she couldn't wait to get back to work. The child was less than a day old. Bond with your child.

Reading and Responding To Your Baby's Cues.
Your child is not trying to manipulate you. They cry when they need something. That's it. They cry because they don't have words. When I need something, I say, "Hey, Bubba! Get me that thing!" A baby cries. I get so frustrated when I hear someone say, "That baby is only trying to manipulate you for attention." Well, yeah! It's a baby!

Breastfeed.
It costs you nothing. It's better for your child's health. It helps you lose the baby weight (so you can fit into those skinny jeans all "real moms wear.") There are hormones that are released that continue to form the chemical basis for the bond between mother and child. Maybe we should be subsidizing good breast pumps in this country instead of giving out vouchers for formula. We should be investing in programs that encourage and teach new mothers to breastfeed, not handing over a check each month for a synthetic powder. My wife and I... or really just my wife.. was able to do it for one year. It was heartbreaking for my wife when it ended. But, then again, it was a miracle that we could in the first place. We were lucky. If you can, then do it.

Baby Wear.
This one's a burr up my butt. Baby-wearing does profound things - it's good for you, your baby and makes your life easier. (I used to wear Turtle when I was doing dishes, walking, vacuuming, riding the subway, walking the streets of New York City, through Versailles - Yes, Ethel, through Versailles - and the Louvre, up the steps of Sacre Cour and the streets of Amsterdam. We never used a stroller until he was 15 months. We carried him everywhere! This is also a chance for me to share my vacation photos!)

Far too often I see mother's wearing babies and, pardon my language, it's all f*ed up. The mother complains about back pain and wants to give up waaaaaay too soon. Well, stop wearing that kid around your crotch like Nikki Sixx's bass and maybe your back won't be all screwed up. Get the right kind of carrier for you. The crappy ones ain't gonna cut it. Go to a place that knows what they're doing. Find a place that will take the time to go over them with you and knows their stuff.

(I'm talking about you, Metro Minis.)

They'll teach you all about carriers and try them on you, get the type that fits your lifestyle. We got a Mei Tai style carrier initially because we were constantly switching who was wearing Turtle and, since it's just fabric and knots, it's instantly adjustable to the wearer and can roll up and slip into my backpack. You CAN wear them as newborns IF you have the right carrier. There are so many different types there's bound to be one that suits you.   A knowledgeable expert will also teach you how to tie wraps, and the best way to position them at any age. (I'm going to go in and have them help me with Turtle, who is 2) Facing out is not the best way to carry them when they're little . . . just an FYI. Would you want all the lights and movement happening when all you really want is to be cuddled and protected? Go talk to an expert. (If you don't trust me about Metro Minis, fellow New Yorkers, watch Koyuki do this on a moving subway. Seriously. She's amazing.)

Bedding close to the baby.
Notice it doesn't say, "co-sleep."

Sleep near your baby, in a co-sleeper next to the bed, or with them in a co-sleeper in your bed (which was what we did). You can put them in a crib that's right next to the bed. There's lots of great reasons that are great for the baby, but the thing is, it's great for YOU! Why does the baby have it's own room already? They're not having to do homework or shut you out in a tantrum... that'll come. Why get up in the middle of the night, step on the cat, avoid randomly thrown teddies or slip on baby books and trudge down the hall to do a diaper change or to check on them because they made a sound that turned out to be nothing more than a whimper loud enough to activate that $200 baby monitor you had to buy because you didn't just put the crib next to your bed.

Keep them near you! They crave being near you, you get more sleep. It's a win/win.

Balance and Boundaries
Know when to say yes and when to say no. It also means taking care of your own needs as well, because a happy mom and dad equal a happy baby.

Beware Baby Trainers.
You know your child. There are tons of "advisers" who will give you lots of detachment advice, like: "Let her cry it out," "Get her on a schedule," "You shouldn't still be nursing her!," and "Don't pick her up so much, you're spoiling her." As Dr. Sears says, it's a lose/lose situation. Your baby loses trust in the signal value of her cues and parents lose trust in their ability to read and respond to those cues.

"Attachment parenting is based on sensitivity, baby training requires insensitivity. Attachment parenting helps you get to know and read your baby better. Baby training interferes with this. The basis of baby training is to help babies become more "convenient." It is based upon the misguided assumption that babies cry to manipulate, not to communicate. Baby-training books and classes teach mothers to go against their basic drive to respond to the cues of their baby. Eventually they will lose sensitivity and their trust in their own intuition. Before trying any of these baby training methods, compare them with your intuitive feelings.''

In the end, Dr. Sears advice is to stick with what works and discard what does not. Despite some of the companion pieces assertions about this dogmatic thing you're supposed to buy into... it's not. Raising a child is a moment to moment exercise and here's some time tested ideas to make it easier on you and your kid. You're beginning a journey together where you will learn just as much from this little creature as he or she will from you. You are learning to pick up cues from each other that will last a lifetime, because you never stop being their parent.

This is important: Attachment Parenting includes fathers.

No, we can't breast feed, but we can be supportive of the mothers who do. And, as every father will attest, we can hold a bottle in a pinch. (Or two father homes... where breastfeeding is not an option but compassionate feeding is.) Over the course of a lifetime, fathers have to know their children's cues, the signs that something is wrong or that all is well with the world. We are capable and willing to do all seven steps. It's easy, when you think about it.

I got all of this from the first seventeen pages... out of 700, of Dr. Sears book.   It's called research.

StollerDerby over at Babble had a very funny take on the cover of TIME and I posted my favorite below. While I agree with her about the insanity of trying to polarize parents for their child rearing choices and the sexism of the image, I did disagree with one thing.

Meet the MAN who advocates a system of parenting for WOMEN that DRIVES some of them to EXTREMES (read: crazy).

I don't think it says anything about the "sad state of American female personhood." There are lots of things that are ripping at the state of American female personhood, Dr. Sears is not one of them. He made motherhood easy and doable for my wife, who is our primary breadwinner and had to return to work after our cobbled together maternity leave. Perhaps that's an issue we can address. Equal pay, a year paid maternity leave, a social structure that supports mothers (working or not) - these are issues that may speak more to the state of American female personhood. The fact that an entire political party treats women as if they are quaint and their voice is simply not valid - and leads with a paternal fervor that influences many to vote or act against their better judgement or self interest, might be a bigger contributor the state of American female personhood.

This line is also dismissive of the work by Dr. Sears, a pediatrician who wrote The Baby Book in 1992 with his wife, Martha Sears, who is a nurse. They raised children who went on to join their practice, all pediatricians. His first book, The Baby Book is 700 pages of information for the first two years and is considered one of the definitive books on babies. It is the first of 40 books on children's health and well being.

He's not just a MAN. And he advocates a system of parenting that simply emphasizes the connection between PARENTS and CHILDREN.

As for the extremes, people are crazy enough without any help...

I, as a stay at home dad, get kind of tired of the bashing that goes on some of the mommy blogs when it comes to men. I loved what StrollerDerby did, but this one sentence opened the door to the demonization of the entire attachment parenting community and the physician who created it - without any explanation of what it is. And what followed?   A thread of comments bashing men.

(Not StrollerDerby's intent, I'm sure. Again, people do crazy just fine on their own, right? All they need is an opening and an excuse.)

Now, I know, in the current climate, we're not the most popular sex. We're doing-

-No, let me back that up-

Republican politicians, religious zealots and morons are doing stupid things aimed at women. (Most of them are men, but let's remember, the Susan G. Komen decision and the Congressional version of the VAWA were both written by women.)

Some of the comments seemed to be grasping at low hanging fruit. "I'm sure it was a MAN who put this cover together."

Obviously.

Because a woman has never put a provocative photograph of a scantily clad or extremely photoshopped woman on a magazine cover.

The one thing StollerDerby got spot on, that I hope you get from my lengthy treatise on the general ideas of Attachment Parenting, is that we're all just trying to get it right. This is an issue that we should all be passionate about, the raising of our kids, but it's also not really anyone else's business if we co-sleep, put them in a $2000 hammock (which looks so cool and comfy), carry them in a papoose or a ring sling or a sheet tied around us, wheel them in a $1000 Stokke or a $19 umbrella stroller, whether we breast feed until they go to elementary school or we are unable to at all.

And don't judge. I'm sure if we could still be breast feeding Turtle at two years old, we would. Not just for the nutrients it provides him for the first few years of his life, but for the connection and bond that is forged.

It's offensive to parents everywhere, mothers and fathers, to force us to take sides against one another. All parents make the best decisions with the information they have at hand and our goal is to raise loving, self reliant human beings.

Shame on TIME for their cover.   Now have a laugh. Click through to StollerDerby and check out what they've done to the cover. Some of them are brilliant.

Christopher VanDijk is an actor and screenwriter in New York City, husband to Angela and the stay at home dad to Turtle, a precocious two year old who loves Elmo, pirates, and dinosaurs. You can follow him in the Twitterverse @skinned_knees and on the blogger machine at skinnedkneesinshortpants.blogspot.com

Another Dad Blogger Screws Up the Conversation about Fatherhood

2012-05-14T13:08:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: It's not always easy, but I like to get NYC Dads Group member and The Angry SAHD, Josh Kross, to comment on the particularly egregious noise in the world of fatherhood and parenting. Enjoy this guest as he slams another dad blogger that doesn't get it.

Here we go again. Just when I thought we'd started to really turn the corner and recognize that any parent, male or female, can be great at any aspect of parenting, a "daddy blogger" goes in again for the easy "bad daddy" jokes about why women are better. The last time I got pissed off about this, it led to a lot of great discussion, and I hope some attitudes even changed.

Here's the thing: whenever someone goes and makes sweeping generalizations about EITHER gender, it does all parents a disservice. We wind up with society thinking women HAVE to be the parents because all men are boorish dirty idiots without the brain power or focus necessitated for child rearing. That dads are just not as good as moms at doing the day in and out of child care.

Each time someone writes that women are better at X, or men are bad at Y, it reinforces the idea that it's ok to just accept incompetence.

Which brings me to THEYCALLMECODY's post on Babble from last week, "Top 10 Things Mothers do Better than Fathers." Ok, I get it was a pre-Mother's Day fluff piece. I get that the title is to catch eyeballs. Really, had he entitled it "10 things my wife is better than me at" it would be almost reasonable. However, reinforcing stupid stereotypes is, well, stupid. Here's his list, succinctly.

1. Hugging

2. Injuries

3. Changing diapers

4. Preparing healthy food

5. Keeping Kids Clean

6. Snuggling

7. Cooking

8. Going Out and About

9. Expressing Emotion

10. Making sick kids feel better

For starters, it is at least encouraging that he was so strapped for 10 items, that he actually repeated some, as 1 and 6, 2 and 10, 3 and 5, and 4 and 7 are essentially the same things. That said, let's look at these a little closer.

First let's take those that are just straight up BS, 1,2,3,4,6,7, and 10. Unless breasts are a requirement for a good hug or touch, there is literally nothing that inherently makes a woman a better hugger or snuggler. He uses anecdotal examples that are effectively meaningless. Maybe he's just crappy to hug. Sick or injured kids can be completely cared for by a dad. My wife passes out at the sight of blood. Does that make her less of a mom? Does the fact that I don't get all emotional, but calmly clean up the child and treat them while soothing them make me less of a man? Really, if you are a guy and still saying "rub some dirt on it," you are a douchebag, not a dad.

Changing diapers is something I pride myself in. Recently, at a family event, I changed a foul diaper one handed while carrying on a conversation with several other people. I wasn't even looking at the butt. All the women in the room clapped when I was done. I even got to flex. But it was just changing a diaper. I got credit because I was expected to be bad at it, and I wasn't. Nice for me, but maybe those expectations should change. As for cooking, I find it stunning that given the proliferation of celebrity chefs of both gender, anyone could make an argument for gender basis of culinary skills. That's just dumb. There are a lot of guys who can't cook. There are a lot of women who can't cook. Maybe Cody is just one of them.

This guy is clearly an adult version of Pigpen. In the section on keeping kids clean, he writes, "I'm pretty sure I have mentioned that I once forgot to have the eldest daughter bathe for an entire week while Casey was gone recently." Really? Hope you are kidding or you're going to wind up with a visit from child services if she ever goes away for two weeks. This section is more than just reinforcing gender stereotypes though. It's parenting philosophy. I WANT my kids dirty. I want them to go out and get filthy. I will, without a doubt, clean them up afterwards, but the experience of learning what makes messes is all part of being a child. As an added bonus, he throws in the "boys are just dirty as kids" line. I have a 7 year old that begs to differ.

His going out and about section reinforces for me that he's either so incompetent that we should be applauding him for managing to tie his shoes, or that he's disorganized because his wife covers for him. "I don't know how many times I have taken the kids to the store only to realize I forgot the diaper bag or that I had forgotten to pack the diaper bag." His penis didn't forget to bring it, his laziness did. I guarantee that if his wife rode him a bit about it, he'd start to make it part of his routine.

Finally, he's all anecdotal about how robotic he is emotionally, while his wife is great at it. Maybe his father was distant. Maybe he just buys in to the idea that showing emotion makes you a "wuss." Maybe he's Mitt Romney (I keed, I keed). As a dad, you need to show your kids how you feel to teach them it's ok to feel and set an example of how to express those feelings positively.

This guy is probably a fine parent, exaggerating for comedic effect. That said, if you or your partner is a bad parent, that's on you. Anyone who tolerates their partner's crappiness at parenting is also a crappy parent. This isn't the 50s anymore and child-rearing is a shared responsibility. If you allow your partner to get away with being bad, you're also short-changing your child. Straight or gay, modern parenting is about creating a balance where both of you work to use your strengths. Defining those strengths explicitly along gender lines is clearly just stupid.

In some ways, gay couples have an advantage. Since there are two members of one gender, they inherently have to go and define their roles explicitly. Discussing what strengths and weakness they have, and decide what's best for the child, free from the slots people try to put us in. Heterosexual couples have implicit roles, enforced by silly ideas as presented in this article, that actually does the children and their relationship a disservice.

New York Baby Show: First 100 NYC Dads Group Families Go Free

2012-05-11T09:28:00.001-04:00

The New York Baby Show is coming next weekend, May 19 and 20! For expectant and new parents with infants or toddlers, there are about a thousand good reasons to go to the New York Baby Show, one of the biggest being the way the show has embraced dads generally, and the NYC Dads Group specifically. We are honored to once again host this year's Dads Lounge that will be a great space to meet dads, bloggers, journalists, authors, and other experts to talk about parenting and fatherhood. We're also running a Mini-New Dad Boot Camp on the main stage at 3PM on Saturday.

It’s an incredible family fun weekend of renowned speakers, top vendors, and all sorts of kiddie fun—not to mention their Ultimate Nursery Giveaway, which includes a stroller and car seat too.

And we have good news!

The first 100 NYC Dads Group community families to reserve tickets (don’t wait!) get FREE tickets by using the code: dads.

Everyone else, only $20/family, $10 person. For more info, visit NewYorkBabyShow.com. We hope you’ll join us at this great event!

Raising the Bar for Dads in Advertising

2012-05-10T12:34:00.003-04:00

Over the years, we've been accused of not having a sense of humor when it comes to how dads are portrayed in popular culture. We're supposed to laugh when a dad is shown using duct tape to put on a diaper or when he looks at the vacuum in terror because he has no idea how to use it. Plus, moms love seeing dads struggle through women's work, right? Right?

We continue to make two points. First, it is not appealing to mothers or fathers to portray dads as buffoons. I'll venture to say that most moms would love to have a caring, capable, and confident partner and would certainly like to see that be the standard fathers are being held to in life, and on TV.

Second, humor doesn't need to come at the expense of dads. There are plenty of funny moments in every day life that both moms and dads are going through without resorting to an outdated stereotype. To that point, we were happy to see this video from our new friends at Huggies, the sponsors of our Dads Lounge at the New York Baby Show. The video features husband and wife David and Leigh Koechner, two L.A. comedians who you will certainly recognize:

Cheers to Huggies, David, and Leigh for raising the bar on how to get a laugh when it comes to parenthood.

Becoming a Father at Fifty: "MY Dad Is a Freak" by Thomas Bell

2012-05-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: Looking for an entertaining summer read about fatherhood? After reading this book review by NYC Dads Group member, Seth L., you might consider "My Dad is a Freak" by Thomas Bell. - L. S.

There is that special moment for a father to see his first child be born. For many, it’s when we are in our mid-twenties or early-thirties and are still in the process of figuring out our lives. For Thomas Bell, he became a father at nearly 50 and his memoir, “My Dad Is a Freak” highlights his wild ride on the New Dad Express.

I found many of Bell’s stories to be humorous. For example, after the birth of his son he begins to calculate the amount of time until he can play catch with him. He writes, “The fact remains that those days of pitching balls with junior are at least six years away from opening day. From the second that he is squeezed onto the field with a final push and a primal scream, you’ve got 72 months, or over 2000 days to fill with every inane game you’ve ever heard of, imagined, and dreaded”. So, Bell devised an interesting series of games with his children including, “Tag, You Sit!” where the rules require “a one-time investment of physical effort to pretend-run around the room for no more than 30 seconds, just long enough to build-up to the dramatic climax when junior catches you and shouts, TAG! YOU SIT! and feels like he accomplished something. At that point, your job is done since the rules require you to sit on a comfortable chair or couch until the big hand on the clock completes a full circle, and then you switch sides.” While this brought a chuckle to the reader, Bell’s sister Tish berated his innovative games after watching his kids and learning most of these games end up with a nap or the parent resting.

Bell’s sarcastic humor and detailed stories about parent/teacher conferences involving food hoarders to him getting pulled over by a cop after a keg of beer exploded in his face at the bar he owns are downright hilarious. He does add some clarity to his frazzled fatherhood world in a tale about a family trip to Florida. Using “foreign aid” (aka bribe money), Bell and his family upgraded to a luxury suite thanks to a C-note featuring crystal chandeliers and marble hallways. However, Bell’s kids liked their other ordinary hotel room better. “”I like the elevator buttons. There’s no buttons in this room”, said his son. His daughter confessed “I like the other room. I like the little seahorse” (referring to a plastic Kleenex holder in the bathroom of the other room with an embossed seahorse). Bottom line, children’s priorities in life are “blissfully simple and prudently correct”.

I found the book to be an entertaining read as I am a relatively older first-time father. While I may not necessarily take Bell’s advice on parenting (i.e. being totally fine with his son eating a piece of candy that was lodged in his sweaty sock), I applaud his wry wit and chaotic recounting of the trial and tribulations of the first few years being a new father. This is a great book to pick up this summer and read at the beach while your kids try and see who can bury your feet in the sand first.

Seth Leibowitz is a part-time stay-at-home dad and a special education teacher in Westchester County. He created the Westchester Dads Meetup Group which currently has forty-six members. In his spare time, he is a professional air guitarist (seriously) and enjoys watching New York Rangers hockey. Follow Seth on his blog or @ShreddyMercury on Twitter for some sarcastic humor.

A DAD IN THE MOMIVERSE- REPORT FROM MOM 2.0

2012-05-08T10:13:00.000-04:00

Editor's note: Even though the Dad 2.0 conference was over two months ago, the lessons learned, friendships made, & good times are still fresh. Last week, was the sister conference - MOM 2.0 - in Key Biscayne, Florida. Even though Matt and I were unable to attend the annual MOM 2 Summit, we were very fortunate to have NYC Dads Group member, Adam G, on the inside. Below, he shares his perspective with all of us - A DAD IN THE MOMIVERSE- REPORT FROM MOM 2.0 - L.S.

The Ritz Carlton Hotel in Key Biscayne

This past weekend I spent my time with my wife at the Ritz Carlton in Key Biscayne Florida. Well, my wife, and about 200 other really smart funny gorgeous women. It wasn't a honeymoon getaway weekend, or an orgiastic fantasy of gargantuan proportions. or a MENSA meeting gone wonderfully amok.

We were attending the Mom 2.0 Summit . I don't want to say that I was behind enemy lines, or a spy, because that implies a war between the sexes, and that is devoutly not to be wished. (Not the least of the reasons is that these ladies had some serious firepower!) Let's just say I was a stranger in a strange land, and leave it at that.

We were there checking out our sister conference and promoting our conference The Digital Family Summit (in case you were unaware,that's our brand spanking new conference for teens, tweens, and their families who blog, vlog, or otherwise share stories and creativity using digital means, coming to Philadelphia at the end of June)

Mom 2 has a similar idea, although clearly it's primary focus is on mom bloggers (or bloggers that are moms) This year's theme was What's Next.

We were there without our son. We had dropped him off at his grandmother's house in the Villages, the world's largest retirement community in the middle of the state, about 1.25 hours from Orlando. We got there late at night, and took off in the morning. It was the first time that he was going to stay without both of us, and we were expecting some separation anxiety, but there was none to be had. He couldn't wait to see us out the door, for an action packed 3 days of hanging at the pool, riding in the golf cart, watching crazy cartoons, eating chicken nuggets, and Sea World! We were more nervous than he was by a long shot.

First thing you need to know is that the Ritz Carlton is in a beautiful gated community, and the views and the grounds were pretty luxe. High end shopping, marble foyers, paintings everywhere, pools and manicured gardens everywhere, and also lots of friendly and helpful staff. Everybody has a smile, and a question, "Can I get you anything?" It was delightful.

The conference was also pretty delightful as well. Lots of women speaking about blogs and blogging (although there was much less technical content and hands on content than I expected-- it was much more on the rah-rah/big ideas end of things.)

I did feel a little on the outside there, although my wife most decidely did not (she seemed to know just about everybody on the stage and off, and quite frankly, I think I was cramping her style a little bit.) It was her second or third Mom 2 conference, and it was my first. I knew a few people, and definitely connected with a few others (both men and women) but continued to feel a little bit on the outside.

I'm still trying to figure out why I felt on the outside: Men were welcomed, and nearly every speaker acknowledge that a lot of what they were talking about applied to men and women bloggers. Here are maybe a couple of reasons.

Maybe it's me. (I tend to be on the periphery of lots of social groups, but not really feel like I'm on the interior of any particular one-- although this might be more fodder for my therapist)

Maybe I was taken aback by the sheer amount of estrogen in the room. I estimate there were 90-95% women, and 5-10% men.
Maybe there is a vast feminine conspiracy, of which the Mom 2 Summit is the tip of the iceberg.
Maybe despite the undisputed fabulousness of the people in the room, I haven't quite found MY peeps.

It wasn't like I was the only Dad in attendance- there were a few of us brave souls-- Doug French & John Pacini of the Dad 2.0 Summit, Adam Keats of Weber Shandwick, and Pedro Velloso of Limetree . I'm sure there were a few others, (Rob Candy, who is part of the Dove Team of Sponsors ) for sure, but those are the guys I mostly hung out with there. And I'm sure if queried, those guys would have different' feelings and thoughts. And I really enjoyed hanging with the people I met. But somehow, for me, something was slightly missing.

As a report, I'm not going to re-hash the schedule (you can see that by looking here, and you can see the amazing speakers they had as well. Rather I'm going to share a few choice tidbits of what I learned this weekend. This isn't everybody, or everything, but it's a start.

Card Munch-- it's an app from Linked In that allows you to take a photo of a business card, and then a short time later, their info is digitized, and if they have a linked-in account, that info also appears. Thanks to Betsy Cadel ofhttp://www.thinkingcapnyc.com/ for the hot tech tip.


Brené Brown- she's a researcher from U.T. Houston that researches shame in girls and boys. One of the things she said that really resounded with me was talking about the practice of gratitude-- really appreciating all of the good things you have in your life. (and telling those people that) I don't do that enough, recognizing and telling the people that I am grateful for in my life that I am grateful. She also talked about realizing which friends you can call to "move a body" and they will respond without judgement (at least not too much judgement) Later, we did something very similar, where we tried to break a Guinness World Record on behalf of Dove soap by tweeting out who inspires you. (we didn't end up making it, but it was a noble try)


Gabrielle Blair - of Design Mom and Altitude Summit - gave a very nice presentation on where she was 6 and 2 years ago, and how she couldn't possibly see herself where she is now then. The idea being that, things change, and you need to stay flexible and do things that seem crazy but will somehow work out in the end. (She was in NY 6 years ago, and now she's living in France with her 6 children, with a sojourn in Denver)

The fabulous Versace shower room,

complete with 2 lovely ladies



Versace was a hedonist. We had a party at the Versace mansion for the closing night. I'm not much of a party guy, but his mansion was very impressive, especially the gold-painted shower big enough for 10 people (with 6 shower stalls) The interior pool was beautiful, but I could not imagine myself living there (and I can imagine myself living in lots of fabulous houses, just I don't think I see eye to eye with Versace on fashion or style) Which might bring us back to why I was feeling a little on the outs.


Stacey Ferguson of Blogalicious gave a great talk about being multi-passionate, not scatter-brained or unfocused. Really struck home.


Karen Walrond of http://www.chookooloonks.com/ She was great at talking about being creative and about risking everything to do your work. I've seen her speak twice now, and loved it both times. She's a talented writer and photographer, and is very genuine in her creative search.

Serious coin. Some of the bloggers there are making a fair amount of cash and getting serious gifts by writing sponsored posts, being brand advocates, and otherwise "selling" their services as bloggers/writers. The week before Mom 2, was something called Disney Social Moms, in which Disney World gave mom's a seriously discounted rate (along with their families) to experience Disney World in the hopes that they will write about it. I'm not sure how I feel about that-- on one hand, I'm all for corporations paying for advertising, and writers getting paid for work. But there is another part of me that starts to wonder about the authenticity of bloggers who are CONSTANTLY getting paid for their sponsored posts.    I guess if the shoe were on my foot I wouldn't turn it down, and I haven't read a lot of those sponsored posts, and I'm sure they are all handled responsibly. This is shrift for a different thought process. But Walt Mossberg at the WSJ also gets paid to write about stuff. The difference is that the WSJ pays his salary, not Apple. (well, at least not directly) Grist for a different mill, I think.

There was too much to really talk about and take in in one sitting, and I feel like I'll be chewing on some ideas that I got from here for some time to come.

And here are some other views of Mom 2.0

http://loulousviews.blogspot.com/2012/05/whats-next.html

http://www.baptistwineclub.com/?p=374

http://www.momtrends.com/2012/05/mom-2-0-summit/

http://smartypantsmama.com/2012/05/mom-guilt/

http://www.thedailydoty.com/2012/05/mom-20-in-slightly-crappy-photos.html

There's also some great coverage of the individual sessions on the Mom 2 Blog

http://www.mom2summit.com/blog/

The next one will be next year in California. I'm pretty sure I'll go again, and hopefully feel less on the outside. Maybe there will be more dads next year. Will you join me?

The above is Cross-Posted on Adam's blog, www.dadapalooza.com

Adam Gertsacov is an actor, clown, director, and fulltime dad. He wears a lot of hats, including those of a flea circus impresario, a PT Barnum impersonator, the director of Providence Rhode Island's New Year's Eve Celebration, a published author, a teaching artist, and the esteemed hat of the Clown Laureate of Greenbelt Maryland. He blogs at http://www.dadapalooza.com , http://www.clownlink.com , and now with the NYC Dads Group. He and his wife are currently working on another cool project, the Digital Family Summit, a first-of-its-kind annual conference where teens, tweens and their parents connect to grow their blogs, video and other social media efforts. Find out more at http://www.digitalfamilysummit.com.

NYC Miss Representation Screening and Panel Discussion

2012-05-07T11:39:00.000-04:00

There is a growing concern among parents and educators about the impact of media images and messages on our children's body image and self-confidence. As parents, we should be concerned about these issues on three fronts. First, we're hoping that our children, boys and girls, will grow up to proud of who they are as men and women. Second, we want our boys and girls to have equal opportunity to pursue all of the dreams they have for themselves. Third, as fathers, husbands, sons, and brothers, we have an opportunity to add our voice to this important conversation.

We are very happy to announce that we've joined HRP Mamas and the PS/IS 276 PTA to co-sponsor a screening of Miss Representation on Wednesday, May 23 at 7PM. The documentary explores how women are portrayed in the media, and the impact on our children.

Click Here for Tickets

The film will be followed by a panel discussion and community dialogue about how we as parents and educators can talk to our kids about media images and messages, and provide a counter balance to the idea that our value is based on how we look. The panel will include:

Catherine Connors (moderator), a recovering academic, absentee Canadian and unrepentant mommy blogger. She's the founder and author of HerBadMother.com, one of the Internet's original 'bad mother' blogs, and one of the top-ranked mom blogs on Babble's annual list of same. In a previous life, she taught political philosophy, which means that she can translate Goodnight, Moon into Latin and work Socrates into a conversation about sleep-training, although she really tries to avoid doing those things in polite company. (www.HerBadMother.com)

Dr Peggy Drexler, the author of "Our Fathers Ourselves. Daughters, Fathers and The Changing American Family," an Assistant Professor of Psychology in Psychiatry, Weill Medical College of Cornell University, and former Gender Scholar at Stanford University. She has spent her career studying sex and gender: men and women, boys and girls, and how they come together in families. Peggy has appeared on and written for a wide range of national and international media, including: The Today Show, Good Morning America, NPR, New York Times,Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Good Housekeeping and Parents magazines. Her blogs appear regularly on Huffington Post and Psychology Today. (www.peggydrexler.com)

Anneka Fagundes, a senior educator for the Girls Leadership Institute (GLI), a national non-profit that offers camps and workshops designed to teach girls, educators and parents the core practices of emotional intelligence, healthy relationships, and assertive self-expression. Anneka is a New York City-based teaching artist / facilitator / educator. In her work she uses drama to address issues and themes ranging from anti-bullying strategies to literacy and creative writing to violence prevention to social citizenship and leadership. Anneka holds an MA in Applied Theatre from CUNY School of Professional Studies, and a BA in Drama from Vassar College. (www.girlsleadershipinstitute.org/)

Dr. Fred Kaeser, the author of What Your Child Needs to Know About Sex and When: A Straight Talking Guide for Parents. Fred is the former Director of Health for the New York City Public Schools. He received his doctoral degree from New York University in Human Sexuality Studies and has been a sexuality educator for over 30 years. He has spoken to thousands of children and adolescents about sex and sexuality, given hundreds of presentations on child sexuality to parents, and has done extensive teacher and professional development throughout his career. Fred has published a number of articles dealing with human sexuality and he has consulted on various topics that pertain to sexuality in 22 states and throughout Canada. He was a member of the New York City Child Fatality Review Team and presently teaches at New York University. (www.drfredkaeser.com)

More about the Film from the Miss Representation Website

In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that our young women and men overwhelmingly receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality, and not in her capacity as a leader. While women have made great strides in leadership over the past few decades, the United States is still 90th in the world for women in national legislatures, women hold only 3% of clout positions in mainstream media, and 65% of women and girls have disordered eating behaviors.

The film exposes how mainstream media contribute to the under-representation of women in positions of power and influence in America. The film challenges the media’s limited and often disparaging portrayals of women and girls, which make it difficult for women to achieve leadership positions and for the average woman to feel powerful herself.

Stories from teenage girls and provocative interviews with politicians, journalists, entertainers, activists and academics, like Condoleezza Rice, Nancy Pelosi, Katie Couric, Rachel Maddow, Margaret Cho, Rosario Dawson and Gloria Steinem build momentum as Miss Representation accumulates startling facts and statistics that will leave the audience shaken and armed with a new perspective.

When I Was Your Age . . .

2012-05-04T10:40:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: A few months ago, we asked members of the NYC Dads Group if they would like to contribute to the blog. We were hoping to reduce our own workload and increase our traffic, but more importantly, we wanted to share the amazing diversity of experiences and perspectives of our nearly 600 members. Thanks to all of our new contributors, and special thanks to Ed Yau for sharing this honest and heartfelt post about his own family history.

“When I was your age, I used to walk 5 miles barefoot to school!!”

How many of us have heard that line from our parents growing up? Fatherhood has given me much perspective on my own childhood experience and why parents do the things they do to raise their children. The word “generation” is a vague term that people use to describe an age demographic that can span across decades or even just a few years. The “millennial” generation may only be 8-10 years younger than myself, but they undoubtedly possess far different ideals and philosophies than I do. As far as the collective character of age groups go, I don't think anyone would argue that passing generations usually grow softer and softer over time.

My mother was born in a small farming village in rural China in the late 1940's. With her mother busy tending fields and her father away in New York trying to earn enough money to bring the family over, her eldest sister was the primary caregiver of a pair of twins and another younger brother. My grandmother managed to get the family over to Hong Kong on solid ground, but many of her peers had to swim across the harbor. Eventually, my mother and her family did make it to New York when she was in her teens, successfully fleeing civil war, communism and the cultural revolution.

My father was also born in a small farming village in rural China ten years earlier in the late 1930's. As young child, he had to hide from Japanese invaders with his grandfather. By the time his dad managed to move the family to Panama, my father was 8 years old. Not until he arrived in Panama would my father meet his dad for the first time.

Such was life in strife torn China at the time. Panama in the 1950's was no bargain, as discrimination against Chinese people was rampant. If you had a Chinese face, you were treated like a monkey. Nevertheless, my father grew up frolicking in the jungle, fishing with dynamite and tending to his dad's grocery store and bar, where on occasion he was required to smash beer bottles over the heads of unruly customers. He stayed in Panama through college and immigrated over to New York City in his twenties.

My parents would connect in New York and marry... after only 6 months of dating (Generational difference!) My mother was a traditional housewife, taking care of four kids full-time and my father was an engineer bringing home the bacon. Eventually, my father became a successful businessman and our family prospered. I grew up in cushy Westchester County, New York, never having to worry about invading armies, gang violence, or whether or not there would be food on my plate.

However, unlike us, my parents didn't have the time to read books or watch videos about parenting. My father worked long hours and normally came home after our bedtime and he was gone before we woke up. My mother was only 19 when she married and 20 when she had her first child. What does a 19 year old know about anything? Discipline was enforced with spankings, deadly aimed chopsticks, feather dusters, coat hangers and rubber hoses. When we were really bad, my father reached for his belt. My mom was certainly not a tiger mom, but she did not appreciate grades that didn't start with “A”.

Meanwhile, My father had a lecture for every moment. He reminded us everyday about how we were born “at the right place at the right time.” My father didn't believe much in downtime and there was always some chore, task, work, or learning opportunity to be taken advantage of. When I finally made it to college, he reminded me daily about how much money my tuition was costing him.

As a child, I could only resent the type of discipline my parents employed and it undoubtedly had its effect on me. But, as an educated adult and father, I can now understand just about everything my parents did and I can appreciate that they were only doing their best as they knew how. Knowing how much work ONE child takes, I have absolutely no idea how my mother took care of FOUR children, who were all almost evenly spaced around 2 years apart in age (except me, I'm the last and 4 years younger!). I cannot even picture taking care of a newborn, a toddler and a 4-yr old all at the same time, all by myself! When I was 19, I was only concerned with passing classes and finding the next party to attend. Despite not having graduated from high school, my mom still taught us all how to read. My dad worked like a dog, but he still took the time to impart his wisdom whenever he could and we still spent family time together, going on trips every so often. I could only hope to live up to his example. Even today, he continues to watch our back! Though I can't relate, I can understand and appreciate the hardships my parents endured while they growing up. I can't blame them for any parenting approach they took, even if I don't agree with it. I had it easy, really easy.

I often wonder to myself how our son is going to turn out. Unlike my parents, we do have time to read books, watch videos, talk to others and craft a child-raising plan as we see fit. I had it easy, and my son will have it even easier. I just hope we don't screw him up too badly! The other day, while the young children of our family's next generation gathered around one of the uncles, he reached for his belt to see what they would do. All the children did was smile back at him! I know my son may end up softer, but I hope he'll be smarter, intellectual and more adept to succeed in our new and incredible digital age.

I call that progress.

Edward Yau is a geek dad that writes code for his kid. You can see his projects at Dendro Kids [http://www.dendrokids.com] and Guess Your Baby [http://www.guessyourbaby.com]. Follow Ed on twitter @daddycoder.

Free Comic Book Day - May 5th

2012-05-03T13:32:00.001-04:00

Editor's Note: I was an avid comic collector when I was a child and spent a lot of quality time with my father dragging him on the weekends to comic book collector stores and local comic conventions. Now, my old comics sit in plastic-baggies, neatly piled in cartons in storage, and will be passed onto my son one day. These wonderful memories were brought on by this new guest post by NYC Dads Group member, Niel Vuolo, as he shares the news about Free Comic Book Day- May 5th - mark your calendars: - L.S.

Several months ago, after countless hours of Dora the Explorer on Netflix, I turned on one of my favorite cartoons from my youth “Spiderman and his Amazing Friends.” To my delight and surprise it is now my daughter’s favorite show, admittedly she was pretty scared of the “Swarm” episode at first.

Recently we went to a superhero themed birthday party (costumes optional but encouraged) and she went as Firestar, her favorite from the show. Other kids were Spiderman and Superman, but she was the only one dressed as an obscure character from a thirty year old TV show. I think it’s pretty awesome that she is so into something I loved as a little kid, though I was a bit older when the show first aired on Saturday mornings. Heck, she brought her Iceman figure to a Korean Barbeque restaurant the other day. And on May 5th we will venture to a local comic book store to celebrate Free Comic Book day. We will try to load up on magazines as she likes to call them.
As much as comic books are often derided, they can be a great tool for getting people reading.

Yes younger kids, will like the pictures and want you to read the stories. But for kids who can read, especially reluctant readers, comic books are an accessible way to get into reading. I know many educators who use comics in the classroom as a way to get kids reading. And as a dad, I think it is a source of new stories to read. How many times can you tell the story of Goldilocks?
Another thing that is great about comics is they appeal to a wide audience. Boys and girls and even kids and adults can find something they love about comics. With character licensing being the way it is kids know who all the superheroes as the guy from the back pack or t-shirt, why not expose them the source material and open a new world for them. What is cool about Free Comic Book Day is you can be turned on to something you have never read before and find a new favorite.

As the name implies, Free Comic Book Day is a single day when participating comic book specialty shops across North America and around the world give away comic books absolutely free to anyone who comes into their shops. Since the inception of the program in 2002 nearly 23 million free comic books have been given away.

This year the selection of free comics includes very kid friendly fare such as Yo Gabba Gabba (yes please), Donald Duck, and The Smurfs. There will be comic books featuring well known superheroes such as the Avengers, Spiderman and Green Lantern. You can also pick up more grown up comics, such as a return of Valiant Comics sampler featuring X-O Manowar and a Buffy the Vampire meets The Guild crossover. So there really is something for everyone.
I know last time I went to Free Comic Book day I ended up with a stack of freebies and I end up buying another stack for myself, which is good because it helped support an independent comic book store. The free comics will be available at comic book stores throughout the city, check the store locator on the FCB day website for a store near you.

Niel Vuolo is many things, a stay at home dad to two awesome kids, a writer, and a lifelong Mets fan from Queens, NY. You can read more about him and his adventures on his blog, Great Moments in Bad Parenting, and on Twitter, @GMIBadParenting

New York Baby Show, May 19 and 20

2012-05-02T10:16:00.000-04:00

Mark your calendars, the New York Baby Show is coming up on Saturday, May 19 and Sunday, May 20 and we are once again sponsoring the Dads Lounge!

Throughout the weekend, we'll have members of our group, facilitators from our New Dad Boot Camps, your favorite NYC Dads Group bloggers, and many of our Meetup organizers on hand to share their experiences as caring, capable, and confident parents. We've also invited many of our favorite dad bloggers, journalists, authors, and other experts to join us in the lounge to talk about all things dad and parenting.

Last year, we noticed that many parents were coming to the Dads Lounge wanting to feed or change their babies, so this year's lounge will have changing tables, gliders, and plenty of tables and chairs for families.

We are also very proud to announce that Huggies is joining us to sponsor the Dads Lounge. Over the last few months, we have gotten to know the Huggies team and we are so happy to see that their new print and TV campaigns portray dads as we are-- caring, capable, and confident. Here's a great example:

Thanks to Huggies, the Dads Lounge will be fully stocked with diapers and wipes to keep moms, dads, and kids happy all weekend! We're planning a few fun contests as well, so stay tuned!

Thanks to New York Family and Huggies for your support. We hope you will join us on May 19 and 20. Reserve your tickets now!

CNN Money on Rise of At-Home Dads

2012-04-30T09:32:00.003-04:00

Thanks to CNN/Money for including the NYC Dads Group in their story today about the rise of at-home dads, More Men Choosing Kids Over Career. We've come along way from the press articles about the bumbling "Mr. Mom" who was forced into his role as at-home dad because he had no options. The article does a nice job portraying couples that are making decisions based on what is good for their families rather than traditional roles or stereotypes. Though the story focuses mostly on the economics of the decision for couples, Lance was able to say that it's much more than that:

"Too often, we hear that it's the economy that forces dads into these roles and that's certainly a part of it, but I would love to shatter that stereotype," Somerfeld said. "Being my son's primary caregiver is something I have truly cherished and embraced and never looked back."

We know that there are many reasons men are increasing their role as caregivers, whether they stay at home or not. The article quotes are friend Jeremy Adam Smith:

"There are a lot of guys out there that had remote relationships with their own fathers and they don't want that with their kids," added Jeremy Adam Smith, a one-time stay-at-home dad and author of The Daddy Shift. "It's not just stay-at-home dads -- fathers in general are participating more in their children's lives."

We look forward to more stories that uncover the many layers to these decisions.

Thanks again to CNN/Money for including Lance and his story - More Dads Staying Home with Their Kids.

Dad Singing Bohemian Rhapsody on Morning ride To School

2012-04-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

Looking for a morning ritual during your car ride with the kids? Need a way to sooth your children during a long car ride?

Check out this cool dad with this three children. This viral video - dad + his 3 kids dancing & singing Bohemian Rhapsody - is just another entertaining example of how wonderful fatherhood can be. Thanks to Josh Kross for sharing this!

Do you have a unique daily ritual with your kids?

FaceBook's Sheryl Sandberg: A Work-Life Balance Rock Star!

2012-04-27T13:34:00.000-04:00

Working parents, do you leave work at 5:30pm everyday to be home for dinner with your family? How about once a week?

Unfortunately, in our household, my wife gets home from work about 6:45/7pm, and usually misses having dinner with my son & I. I wish weekdays were more like the weekends, when we always have dinner together as a family, not only because research has shown that children are happier, healthier, and better performing students when they eat with their families...but, because I enjoy that family bonding experience.

Bottom line: I am sure millions of parents out there want the same thing that I want - dinner together as a family unit as often and consistently as possible. How will that happen? In our competitive & cutthroat business environment, we need more business leaders like Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg, to publicly lead by example, and send a clear message to their employees that they shouldn't have to sneak out of work to get home for dinner, instead, emphasizing it's an important thing to do.

Sheryl Sandberg: Leaving Work At 5:30pm

Sandberg states, "I am leaving work at 5:30!" (and you should too) publicly and she hopes that other moms and DADS feel comfortable going home to see their kids. Hat tip to Sheryl Sandberg!

Support for Seahorse, The Documentary

2012-04-26T11:20:00.001-04:00

An independent NYC filmmaker approached us recently to tell us about a documentary that he is making about fathers. Like us, these filmmakers Obrian Franklyn and Joseph Abrams hope to change the way fathers are viewed in our culture simply by telling stories of active, caring, and competent fathers.

Here is a clip of Obrian talking about the film:

I asked Obrian to tell us more about the film and his motivation. Here are his thoughts:

Seahorse is a film that seeks to depict fathers in a more favorable light. The term Seahorse is a colloquial expression for young fathers who take care of their children despite the absence of the traditional husband/wife parental structure. Now you're probably asking yourself the following question: What do seahorses have to do with young fathers? Well, in nature male seahorses are quite magnanimous creators that often perform large percentages of parental duties, which include actually carrying up to 2,000 eggs until birth. According to an article by National Geographic’s Stentor Danielson, “The eggs hatch in the pouch. The father cares for the young as they grow, regulating the water salinity in the pouch to prepare them for life at sea.” Now here's the connection. It is this innate nurturing ability—present in male seahorses—that is also ubiquitous within young fathers. No, these human fathers don’t actually carry their offspring, but they do care for them until they are ready for life in the world—a fact that is contrary to many media depictions. Additionally, these men (seahorses) do not allow their young ages or various inadequacies to stop them from caring for and being involved with their children. Although they may be somewhat unprepared for the challenges of parenthood, seahorses choose to see child birth and parental responsibility as a gift, not a curse.

The ultimate goal of the film is to redefine fatherhood by using the word Seahorse with its alternate definition. We define Seahorse as “a father who takes care of his parental responsibilities despite his relationship with his child(ren)’s mother or financial situation.” So please help us redefine fatherhood by using the term in appropriate situations.

Here's the trailer for the film:

The documentary is in post-production and will premiere on June 15 in New York City. Obrian and Joseph are currently raising funds in order to rent a venue for the premiere and to pay for editing. They have started a campaign on Indiegogo to raise the money. We hope you will consider supporting these filmmakers tell this very important story.

Fitness and Lego, Build to Last

2012-04-25T09:20:00.000-04:00

Editor's Note: We have seen Lego compared to many things, but in this guest post, Glenn Dickstein, goes outside the box and demonstrates the parallel of Lego building and personal fitness programs. Enjoy this thoughtful piece that may even motivate you to hit the gym today! - L.S.

My kids love Lego. I loved Lego as a kid. We can spend hours together on rainy days building a set. for the larger sets, we spend a few hours on multiple days building the set from start to finish. Our largest set, the Star Wars “Death Star”, we built a little at a time over several months. Now they spend hours enjoying and playing with them. The whole process is a lot like accomplishing one's fitness goals.

If you have never built with Lego before, the back story may take a quick explanation. Each set comes with instructions, which have been carefully and meticulously drawn up by the Lego HQ experts. Each step in the instruction book includes a picture and list of the exact pieces you will need for that step and an illustration of how they fit together. Each step builds on the last step. With each step you get the next list of pieces and you see how they connect to the existing structure. This is not unlike the precision one should take in designing their fitness program. The structure you are building is your fitness goal. Each step is the equivalent of the exercise program for the day. Each life of the step is the equivalent of the particular exercise to perform.

A key factor in this process is defining your goal at the beginning. When you buy a Lego set, you are purchasing a jumble of pieces because they help you complete the finished product you see pictured on the box. When you get the box home and open it, a bunch of loose pieces fall out. When you walk into a gym there are literally dozens of exercise machines and combinations of exercises you can do. The issue is to combine them into a program that you can execute quickly and efficiently to accomplish the goal in the front of your own box. Much of the time you can't see how these lose Lego bricks will turn into the picture on the box. That's why you need that end picture to keep you focused. As you put the pieces together, or go through your exercise sessions, you have to make sure not to lose site of that end goal. Some days are hard. You may not see the end goal within the current state of the structure, but as you add more pieces or rather string together your sessions, your end goal will start to take shape. If you think you will need help creating the right set of instructions, or program design, consider hiring a New York City personal trainer. If personal training is not your desire, then maybe your program design will consist of pilates or yoga. One concept is clear, you cant just keep adding the same bricks every session. Eventually, you get a very tall structure that bends and topples over. In other words, a stagnant unchanging fitness program, is not as good for muscle growth.

Lastly, both a well built Lego structure and healthy lifestyle will lead to hours of fun and enjoyment each day for years to come. Once you build a Lego set, now you get to have fun playing with it. Hours of fun for days on end. It is just like when you have reached your goal weight and are enjoying your new lifestyle and energy. But, don't get too comfortable. There will always be maintenance work needed. Pieces get loose, pieces fall off. Sometimes you might accidentally break it. This is not much different from the maintenance phase of your training. You need to keep going to the gym if you want to maintain your current level of health. Some days will be better than others. Expect that once in while you may have an interruption in your routine. Realize that the only way to get back to your goal weight is to break out the instructions again. Call up your personal trainer and get some sessions scheduled. Like Lego, if you wait too long, the pieces get lost and it is harder to find them to properly rebuild the set.

As a child you would never have thought about how your love of Lego could parallel your fitness program. But, as a parent watching your kids build that spaceship or car to completion, as compared with giving 100% in the gym, it may seem like a weird aligning of methods that actually makes sense. Both take work, focus, and commitment before you can enjoy all of the benefits.

Glenn Dickstein , NYC father of three and Upper East Side resident, is the founder of NeighborhoodTrainers. For more information: http://www.Facebook.com/NeighborhoodTrainers or http://www.twitter.com/NghbrhdTrainers