NYC Dads and Stay At Home Dads Group

Are Benchmarks Realistic?

2012-02-24T07:48:00.001-05:00

Editors Note: Are you the type of parent constantly comparing your infant or toddler to benchmarks? Here is a guest post from NYC Dads Member, Matthew Pasher, who shares his parenting experience with using benchmarks and an important lesson he learned. - L.S.

Our daughter Naomi was born 2 weeks late. I remember going into the nursery and looking at her compared to lots of the other children and thought she looked more developed than most. I concluded that this would provide for an infant and toddler that would hit all of her milestones quicker. We are, after all extremely rational thinkers as first time parents. I often think back on a story my dad told me from his childhood. My grandmother insisted that my father was potty trained at 3 months old. When asked why my grandmother said she would look in his crib and because his eyes were watery she knew he had to go to the bathroom. A silly story of course, but it only reveals to me how we convince ourselves how special our kids are for the “normal” things that they do. Are children smarter because they talk earlier? Will they be more adventurous and dexterous because they walk earlier? Will they have a more developed and discerning palate if they eat earlier? If we read to them earlier will they read sooner? The questions can go on and on, but I can really say that by pondering these issues we were putting undue pressure on both ourselves and on our daughter.

The questions that we should have been asking were to the doctors and experts who created the benchmarks at age levels that may be realistic, but created a self induced paranoia that got us worried that there was something wrong with our daughter if she didn’t hit them. Admitting our guilt about these feelings was a result that we would find out was not necessary. Our daughter missed some of the so-called earlier benchmarks that she should have hit and those so-called failures fed into our neuroses. We questioned whether we were doing anything wrong or if there was anything actually wrong with our daughter. Our doctor assured us that benchmarks were only a guide, but in the competitive world of whose child was more mature and more advanced we were left wanting. There needed to be a reason so we could be blameless.

I remember when I was finally assured that in order to keep my sanity that I should ignore those benchmarks. We just needed to do what we could to encourage our daughter no matter where she was in the growth process. Like many parents in Manhattan and I’m sure in other parts of the world, our daughter was in one of the many Dance/Music/Movement classes offered. We really liked the leader of the class because of her ability to not only encourage and enhance the life of our daughter but to also be approachable to the us as parents when questions arose. There were kids of so many different ages and so many different levels in the classes that she offered. I remember the day of my "approach" like it was yesterday. I was concerned our daughter was lagging behind because she wasn’t crawling. I went to her after class, told her my concerns and she gave me a simple answer. She told me that when our daughter was ready to walk, to talk to sing or in our case to crawl then she would do it. We should allow ourselves the peace of mind to know that other than physical or neurological issues our daughter would do everything at her own speed and when she was ready. Sure enough she was right. We continue to recognize this idea while recently attempting to potty train our daughter. We realized that she understands the idea of going to the potty and will occasionally go, but that she just isn’t ready yet. She will tell us when that time arrives.

Looking back to the title of this article (Are Benchmarks Realistic?), I believe that benchmarks are certainly important as guides, but that is only how we should use them. We have a child that through love and encouragement is where she is supposed to be right now. When we put pressure on ourselves to follow those benchmarks as the rule of law, disappointment and doubts in our ability as parents were too often the result. There was so much more nuance to raising our daughter. Instead of paying attention to where she should be, we need to just enjoy her for who and where she was at every “Benchmark” age. Take it from a convert. Save yourself the anguish and enjoy your children as they are. The mood swings and tantrums of an almost 3 year old will make you long for the days when they couldn’t crawl, roll over or talk.

Matthew Pasher lives in NYC's Chelsea neighborhood with his wife Lori and daughter Naomi. A graduate of Kenyon, he is a part-time stay at home dad while looking for work, an avid reader and a Liverpool fanatic who can make a mean mac and cheese from scratch when asked. Hisblog, which needs updating and some new articles can be found @ 2011ajobsearchodyssey.blogspot.com. He refuses to be followed on twitter as that's too much pressure.

Insider's Guide to the 2012 NYC Toy Fair

2012-02-23T09:46:00.000-05:00

Editor's Note: I really appreciate the fact that a true insider has given us a peak into the new toys coming out for kids this year. Enjoy this guest post from play scientist and NYC Dad, Ross Marks.

There is no shortage of new toys coming out. I saw new toys developed around digital devices and fresh spins on old classics. Working in the toy industry and being a NYC dad, I could not help but take a self-centered approach to the toy fair. Below are some of my insights into toys coming to retailers soon.

Technical-integration: There is a whole new batch of toys developed around mobile devices (iPhone, iPads, and the others as well). Some of these toys encourage social play by turning an iPad into a board game with physical elements, like the GameChanger. Others encourage physical play by encasing an iPhone or Android in a foam ball that can then be tossed, kicked, and rolled around the room, such as the TheO.

Eco-friendly options: While not as dominate as environmentalists would like, there were a fair number of manufacturers with eco-friendly toys. However, most of these toys are geared for younger kids. Think wood blocks, stacking rings, and walkers. Some of the more notable toys in terms of both ecological and play impact come from: (1) PlanToys with infant toys galore; (2) Pkolino with a nice mix of wood and felt, and (3) Dwinguler, which makes an awesome play mat. Given how much the little ones tend to topple over, who couldn’t use a nice soft and easy to clean mat?

Active-play: The rapid growth of digital does not mean our kids will be tied to these devices 24/7 in some kind of Orwellian dystopia. There are many toys that encourage old fashion active play, which always has a unique twist for those of us living in NYC. One toy, Kickbo, is a hacky-sack with feathers that is a bit easier to master and, and for around $5, it is great for use in one of the local parks! Some other really cool toys include the beautifully designed wooden Wishbone Bike that starts as a tricycle and converts to bike, which makes me long for an apartment large enough to use it in!

Other cool things coming out include:
(1) A little yellow, cylinder shaped head, Frodo Baggins; that’s right, Lego Lord of the Rings! It’s Lego, even a Lego Anna Karenina would still be cool in my book.
(2) Online saving and shopping for kids—a VirtualPiggy—that lets kids engage in e-commerce with parental controls.
(3) The Little Green Money Machine teaches kids about business basics (does not cover insurance derivatives!) by walking them through all the steps necessary with a simple business.

On a final note, toys are getting safer! New mandatory safety standards are coming out and Safety by Design is a focus for the Consumer Product Safety Commission. So as parents, we will have more assurance that lead and other heavy metals are not in toys and dangerous toys from abroad are subject to customs seizure.

Full disclosure, I do not work with and have no association with any of the companies mentioned in this blog. But I <3 Lego.

Ross is a working dad with an 8-month old son, Austin. Ross works for PlayScience, where he spends time researching kids, play, education, and safety. When not at work he spends time strolling around Brooklyn and trying to keep the little guy out of trouble.

Hey Dads, Are You a Member of Your Child's PTA?

2012-02-22T14:13:00.000-05:00

These days, many dads would reply, "yes, I am a member of my children's PTA." Or provide a similar response: "Yes, Preschool board" or "Yep, School Leadership Team (SLT)" or "absolutely, I am the class parent!" OR, some fathers might bake something for the school bake sale or fundraiser. Other dads may tell you that they get involved by attending all of their children's parent-teacher conferences. In fact, a "2009 study by the National Congress of Parents and Teachers and the National Center for Fathering, a nonprofit educational organization, found that 590 of 1,000 fathers surveyed nationwide said they attended school parent meetings." Nearly 60%!

We have been telling everyone that is listening the past few years on this blog that fathers are making an extra effort to be involved and pitch in early and often in their children's lives...and this might comes in many forms. The New York Times reported this week that dads are shifting the dynamics of the Parent-Teacher Association in New York City schools - What’s New at the PTA, Dad? by Kyle Spencer.

As an educator, and parent of a preschooler, I certainly wanted to make a contribution to my son's school this year so I volunteered and ran for a board position at my son's nursery school. Similarly, Matt Schneider, wanted to take an active role at his son Max's school, and is now a member of their School Leadership Team. Matt & I both have a little extra extra time on our hands and this was one avenue we pursued to bond with other parents as well as our children.

Why is there a trend of dads joining the PTA or other meaningful school related organizations? The New York Times offered that "the shift reflects a number of underlying social trends: more women with demanding jobs, more men underemployed in a lingering recession, more shared parenting responsibilities over all and the professionalization of the PTA itself." Additionally, many fathers have the know-how for fundraising which is a necessary tool in these tough economic times. I did not find the results in the article particularly surprising, but it certainly covered an angle regarding involved fatherhood that I haven't thought much about or reflected upon.

We are interested - how do you "pitch in" when it comes to your child's schooling?

How Do I Prepare My Children for Sports When I am Not an Athlete?

2012-02-21T08:00:00.000-05:00

Editor's note: Another thoughtful guest post from Niel Vuolo as he shares his concerns about being able to prepare his children for sports. This post hits home for me as the father of a 6-year-old who hasn't met a ball he doesn't like. I played a few recreational sports growing up, but I'm very happy leaving the coaching to the coaches. -M.S.

The other night I read a really great blog post by @jbmthinks about sports parents who never played and giving advice to their kids. It made me think about when my kids will be old enough to play organized sports, perhaps as soon as the Fall for my oldest.

I never really played organized sports sans three weeks of junior varsity football and a few seasons of corporate softball. What kind of authority am I to give advice or even coach? Honestly despite my love of sports most of my experience came from the wrong side of a TV or a computer. I spent way more time covering sports as a journalist than playing.

The timing of the post hit me in a very weird subconscious way since I read it on the 32nd anniversary of my fathers passing. I was barely five years old at the time. It being a different time and with him being from a different generation, we never had anything close to a “catch”. I sure there were some rudimentary ball rolling or tossing. But nothing more than that, at least from what I can remember. Since then I have been trying to catch up.

My mom, got us gloves and other sports equipment, took my brother and me to Mets games (perhaps that influenced my lack of fundamentals). But being a single mom, who didn’t drive we didn’t get the chance to play little league, we were Scouts. Which was good, because it was one place to take us both at the same time, and both of us have stayed with Scouting well into adulthood. I really think there is something to be said for a dad teaching a kid how to throw.

I never threw the ball with authority, and when you play pick up softball you can tell when someone can really throw the ball. I want my kids to throw the ball with authority. But I am honestly afraid that I don’t know how to show them. That my lessons to them are going to make them fundamentally unsound. I am under no delusions, the odds of my kids becoming pro-athletes are miniscule, but I don’t want to get in their way of enjoying sports.

There was a day, probably a few weeks before my wife gave birth to our son, we were at a playground I was swinging my daughter on the swings and there were kids practicing for a local little league. You could tell who could really play and who were just lost out there. I don’t want that for my kids. I don’t think I’m the kind of guy, who wants to let someone else, show my kids how to throw. But is that my only choice, there doesn’t seem to be a good book or video.

Niel Vuolo is many things, a stay at home dad to two awesome kids, a writer, and a lifelong Mets fan from Queens, NY. You can read more about him and his adventures on his blog, Great Moments in Bad Parenting, and on Twitter, @GMIBadParenting

Gazillion Bubble Show: Bubble Mania!

2012-02-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

About two weeks ago, on a frigid winter day, my wife & I decided to take our son for his first theatrical experience. We wanted to be dazzled by the Gazillion Bubble Show at New World stages in New York City. I envisioned sitting in a theater and being surrounded by bubbles - would that keep my son, age 3 1/2, engaged for seventy-five minutes? Was there more to the bubble show than just blowing bubbles?

As the lights went out, my son hopped off his seat, and jumped onto my lap. "Oh no, he is going to be scared of the dark the entire time," I thought. A few moments later, we were enveloped in bubble world - bubbles were drifting in every nook and cranny of the theater. The look of excitement and amazement on my son's face was enough to realize that he was hooked. I never really thought of bubble blowing as an art, but Fan Yang (the shows creator and featured bubble master) left you mesmerized with his unique bubble creations - bubbles inside bubbles, 20 foot long bubbles, smoke bubbles, rainbow bubbles, and using lighting effects.

My son spent the entire bubble show on my lap, and this enabled me to see the true enjoyment he got from the different bubble acts he observed. Of course, his favorite part was trying to catch and/or POP the multi-sized bubbles that were floating throughout the studio. My son's biggest disappointment was not being selected to the stage as a volunteer where Fan Yang had a bubble wand and dish so large that he was able to put the children volunteers inside a massive bubble - fascinating!

The Gazillion Bubble Show is designed for children of all ages and to entertain their parents as well. My wife & I were entertained! My only cool feedback: I thought the laser light show and loud techno music that accompanied it during the last few minutes seemed like it is better suited for older children. My son asked to go to the "potty" during the laser show act and by the time we returned, we were again, surrounded in a magical world of bubbles! Overall, this is the type of show, you could return to again in a year, and enjoy it all over again.

On a final note: kind of like watching the Karate Kid movie and being inspired to practice your karate and "crane maneuver" afterwards...the show left us in a state of creating our own bubbles. Of course, the Gazillion Bubble Show gift shop, sold all of the paraphernalia that a kid could want or need to satisfy our craving!

DISCLAIMER: The opinions stated above are my own. I was not compensated to express my thoughts and opinions.

Sad News and a Call to Action

2012-02-17T13:41:00.002-05:00

Every now and then, there are moments when a community needs to come together to help an individual and his family. The NYC Dads Group is big, and most of us don't know each other, but the one thing we have in common is the deep love we have for our family.

We are sad to report that one of or active members and bloggers, Roi Legar, just received news that doctors have run out of options in the treatment of his son's brain tumor, and Andrew Aidan only has a few weeks or months to live.

Roi and his wife Michelle have both taken leave from their jobs to spend Andrew's last weeks together as a family. As you can imagine, this plus mounting costs is causing a financial strain on the family. Friends of the family have set up a way to donate to the family, and we hope you will consider a little or a lot to help one of our own.

Please go to www.andrewlegar.blogspot.com to donate.

Give your children a little bit tighter hug this afternoon,

Matt and Lance

Multiple Dads, Strollers, and Babies – A Novelty Act

2012-02-17T11:40:00.001-05:00

To observe one or two dads strutting around with their kids in strollers during a weekday usually goes unnoticed...but, once it's three or more, it solicits comments, questions, and stares. Enjoy this amusing guest blog post by NYC Dads Group member, Jacob Drill, describing a recent "mom-encounter" in New York City as he was traveling in a dad-pack - L.S.

In my previous post I wrote about how I began my quest to fulfill my New Years Resolution - to meet more stay-at-home & other active/engaged dads by attending the New York City Dads Meet-up Group event “Family Fun for Everyone” with Max , my 21 month old son, at the New York Kids Club in Battery Park. I had such a good time that two weeks later Max and I attended another “Family Fun for Everyone” event, this time at the New York Kids Club, East 67^th Street location. It was another great event, but my focus for this post is not on what transpired during the actual event itself, but what happened when Max and I left the space with the other dads and kids to return home.

As we were getting ready to leave New York Kids Club, there were a bunch of moms with their toddlers waiting in the lobby to enter the space. Two moms in particular stared with puzzled looks on their faces at the scene of all these dads bundling their babies up to face the very cold winter day. I was happy to volunteer and tell them what they were observing. One of them showed relief at understanding why there are so many dads there, as if there had to be an explanation, and the other one wondered aloud why their own husbands weren’t doing this.

As I headed downtown with two other dads, Marion and Charles, more women visibly reacted to the site of multiple dads strolling their babies down the sidewalk. I have to say that it made me feel pretty "bad-ass!" Even though it was just a pack of three of us, I felt a strong feeling of solidarity with all of the stay-at-home dads out there undoubtedly encountering the same thing. When the three of us got to the enormous elevator that was to take us down to the subway platform on Lexington Street, about 10 women had to make room for us to fit in. One woman remarked: “It is not every day you see three guys with their babies!” The women were giggly about it and asked about our wives. I chose not to answer that question in a serious manner since two out of the three of us actually have husbands, and who knows how long we could have been stuck in the elevator with questions from these curious women once that fact got out! We ended up getting off at the wrong platform, so we had to get back on the elevator again to correct course. There was no celebrity treatment from this next round of fellow passengers, but you could tell that they too were trying to figure out the deal -- they were just more discreet about it.

A few days later, when Marion (another member of the NYC Dads Group) and I were reflecting on the experience, Marion equated it to the rare hawk sighting we recently witnessed in Madison Square Park, where everybody was standing around the tree gawking and taking pictures. It is hard for me to see it, being so close and familiar to the situation, but apparently to some New Yorkers the sight of us stay-at-home dads out and about is like having a chance encounter with some exotic species. Hopefully though, we are not one of the endangered kind. Thankfully, the NYC Dads Meet-up Group is helping ensure that doesn’t happen!

Jacob Drill, is an at-home dad, with a 21 month old son, Max. You can read about more about some of his adventures at Gaddy Daddy, confessions of a stay-at home gay daddy.

The Lone Dad in Mom World

2012-02-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

I have spent nearly seven years as an at-home dad, and aside from NYC Dads Group Meetups, I spend most of my time with kids and their moms or nannies. I've gotten comfortable being the only dad in the room, but it was definitely a journey. Enjoy this post from Jack Howard-Potter describing how he navigates life as the lone dad in Mom World. -M.S.

Being a stay at home dad I find myself in this situation all the time. I will never forget my wife telling me a day or so before she went back to work, “Here is the email address of the girl I met who runs the mom’s group I have been going to. You should email her when I go back to work. It would be good for you!”

The thought of being the only guy in a group full of moms was probably the most unpalatable thing I could think of up to that point in my life. They would all be talking about cycles, weight gain, upset stomachs and various other decidedly non-man subjects and I would have to sit and listen. It just wasn’t worth it, “I can do this stay at home dad thing on my own,” I thought.

The first few weeks were really not that bad, my daughter and I went to the swings, park, bookstore for story time and out to lunch. It was a novelty to be alone with her for the whole day and get to do whatever I (we) wanted. I started running a lot more pushing her in the jogging stroller and actually got in the best running shape of my life pushing that thing around Central Park.

It started to get boring being by ourselves. One day I reluctantly dug out the email on the crumpled piece of paper my wife had given me and sent an email to the mom who runs the Diva Mamas. “What am I doing, the Diva Mamas, seriously?”

The first event I went to was a baby sign language class in a mom’s apartment. Ugggg, I was dreading the meeting and wondered what I was doing but walked up the street and went in. It was a cozy group of about three or four moms and me. The kids enjoyed playing together, and I found myself actually being interested in the conversations about feeding, sleeping, pacifiers and poop. Everyone was genuinely interested in sharing information about dealing with a new baby and exchanging tips, ideas and support for problems and excitements.

When I left I was completely converted and wondered why I had been so reluctant. I mean it’s in my DNA to resist coffee clutches in favor of tackle football but why had I had such a closed mind to the whole idea of joining a mom’s group? I was a mom, just a different gender. I do the same things every day that these moms do. Change diapers, feed, clean up, administer medicine and love and nurture my child as she grows. Even though I am a different sex and have a different set of ideas in my head, I realized that I was just like these moms because I shared so many of the same thoughts and feelings with them.

After a few meetings I was comfortably installed as the token Diva Dad and continue to be involved with the group. Some of my daughter’s closest friends are from the group. It was from this group that someone recommended the NYC Dad’s Group and lead to you reading this now. It was invaluable in the past few years for me to have like-minded adults to help me, support me, and listen to me when I wasn’t sure how to handle a situation. Whether the group is called Diva Mama’s or NYC Dads bears no relevance to the knowledge that can be shared and the support given by finding some kind of group to raise your child with.

I have found myself in many situations where I am in a room full of moms who are talking about cycles, weight gain, upset stomachs and various other decidedly non-man subjects. I have had moments of really feeling like the hole in the doughnut and not fitting in at all. It’s those times that I can just focus on my daughter and the other kids and play like a dad, then I get through them and accept that I am in a situation that is not the norm. In fact, I am so thankful every day that I have the opportunity to spend so much time watching my daughter master the small things in life that many fathers only hear about while they work and support their families at a job.

The innate belief that I would never be able to hang out with a bunch of moms while I was at home raising my daughter was so misguided I still cannot believe that I seriously thought that. I know that this forum is aimed at dads supporting dads and I am all in on that front, but the reality for many stay at home dads is they are going to have to hang out with women. In smaller cities and towns that do not have NYC’s 8 million people you’re going to have a hard time finding a dad’s group. If a stay at home dad decided that he didn’t feel comfortable hanging out with other mothers he would spend a lot of time alone and deprive his child of opportunities for friendship and learning with other kids. He would also deprive himself of information that could really help curing the hiccups (gripe water). Dads who stay at home raising their kids need to get into a mindset that they are really just another parent in the neighborhood and break through the gender barrier, mingle, befriend, seek out and enjoy hanging out with a room full of moms.

Jack (Jake) Howard Potter resides in New York City with his wife, Erica and (two year old) daughter, Skylar. Motivated by his study of human anatomy and movement, Howard-Potter works with steel to create large-scale figurative sculptures. His work has been on display throughout the world in outdoor sculpture parks, galleries and public art exhibitions. Aside from being his daughter's primary caregiver, Jakee is an active endurance athlete competing in multiple half marathons and triathlons each year. To view his work or learn more, visit www.steelstatue.com or visit @steelstatue on Twitter & Facebook.

Fitting In Fitness With Fatherhood

2012-02-15T07:00:00.000-05:00

Three years into parenthood, I have found my weekly jaunts to the gym decrease from an average of three times per week to once per week, if I am lucky. Perhaps, I shouldn't always think that a gym workout has to be at least an hour. Check out these tips, best practices, and words of wisdom from NYC Dads Group member & "Neighborhood Trainer", Glenn Dickstein, in his guest blog post about Fitting in Fitness With Fatherhood (Parenthood?).... - L.S.

As parents, and for the purposes of this article, fathers, we spend a lot of our time doing things for others. Whether it be pickups, drop offs, playdates, music classes, sports classes, diaper changes, shopping, cooking or something else on the never-ending to do list, there are few things that we do each day for ourselves. But are you being fair to yourself? Sounds selfish, but what if that something could make us better at all of those daily tasks? That something is exercise.

No one else can exercise for you. No one else can lift a weight. No one else can get on the treadmill. No one else can attend a group fitness class for you. Exercise is something that only you can do for you. You can’t ask someone to do you a favor and workout for you. You can’t delegate exercise to someone else.

The benefits of exercise have been well documented. Most studies I have read, relate to on the job performance, but it isn't hard to transfer that over to parenting. And for those of us for whom daddy duty is a full time job, our daily performance is all the more important. People who exercise are more productive each day. They accomplish more, more efficiently. They are more alert and able to make better, clearer decisions, with improved multi-tasking skills. Show me a dad who doesn't try to multi-task to get everything done.

Then when the work is "done", you will have more energy for the fun stuff, like playing games and rolling on the floor with your kids. The bonus is you get sick less. Making it easier to sail through the day with an on time arrival record rivaling the best airlines. This means extra days with your kids and being able to give them 100% at every moment. Healthy check ups beat out sick visits any day! This all rounds out to say that by exercising, you will be setting a healthy example for your kids. Our kids see my wife and I coming back from the gym several days a week. They see the extra energy and smiles it brings out when we come through the door. Does that mean that they are asking to join the gym? No. But they know, from that and our conversations, that its good to run around and be active. They look forward to getting outside and getting their own exercise. As we all know they will have plenty of time to sit when they are older. For now they can enjoy all the playgrounds, fields, and gymnastics studios that New York City provides.

The biggest excuse I hear about not exercising is, “I don’t have time.” My advice is think small at first. You can get a great workout done in 20 minutes. For some reason, people have this idea that if you don’t have one-hour everyday to workout, then why bother. Yes, fitness classes and personal training sessions can last up to an hour, but that doesn’t mean that every workout has to last one hour. Set aside 20 minutes a few days a week for fitness. Exercise is contagious. Some days you may have the opportunity and motivation to stay an extra 20-30 minutes. Other days you might dread the entire 20 minutes. (But you’ll feel better when you’re done.) More importantly, if you can go on a consistent basis, you will see change. If you need help figuring out what to do for 20 minutes, there are people who can create a program for you. Just be consistent.

“Parenting can be very frustrating at times, so I need an outlet to vent those frustrations” says Lance Somerfeld. I believe that exercise makes me a better father. That may not be true for everyone, but it is for me. Some days I can get in 45 minutes, and on others only 15-20, but I am in a better frame of mind having done some exercise instead of nothing. It is the one thing I enjoy doing for myself each day that has so many benefits for my family. I gotta run. Literally. Enjoy your workout!

Glenn Dickstein is a stay at home NYC dad of three and founder of NeighborhoodTrainers. He, his wife, and three children live in Manhattan. For more information visit www.NeighborhoodTrainer.com. Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/NghbrhdTrainers

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/NeighborhoodTrainers/281212135860

The Search for the "Right" Pre-K

2012-02-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

Nothing stresses out parents in New York City more than making a decision about where they send their kids to school. Between public schools, private schools, charter schools, and Gifted and Talented programs, parents in NYC have choices. Many, like NYC Dads Group member Edward Yau, are immersed in application processes, paperwork, and school tours. Enjoy this guest from Edward as he begins his search for the "right" Pre-K for his son.

I can barely believe it, but the time has come for our little boy to go to Pre-K. Sort of, he won't be entering Pre-k for another 9 months or so we hope. I'm speaking in these vague and indecisive terms because not only is getting your child into a NYC Pre-K terrifying and difficult, it is not guaranteed!

This is our first time going through the process and I started at level zero with absolutely no knowledge at all about what I was getting myself into. I have learned many facts through many late nights of research over the past several months, such as:

The New York City Department of Education (NYCDOE) only has enough seats for about 65-70% of all Pre-K applicants
Neither Pre-K nor Kindergarten is required by state law, so the NYCDOE is not obligated to provide those services
Private school admissions deadlines are normally well in advance of the NYCDOE admissions process, which doesn't start sending offers until June.

What parent doesn't want the best education for their child? As the multitude of front page articles would tell you, the question of what makes a school good is both an ardent topic of debate and highly political. On top of that, this island of Manhattan seems to be in its own world when it comes to neurotic parents doing whatever it takes to get their children into whatever is considered the “best” school. I won't soon forget a Today Show episode where a guest was pontificating that her young child's $38,000 per year tuition was worth every penny, because it meant she would get into the Ivy League.

Manhattan parents have this reputation that they just care about the image of their children getting the best schooling at the best schools. While this may be true for those that could afford a $38,000/yr tuition, for us, we just want our child to actually learn something. I don't believe that paying through the nose in tuition is going to guarantee a good education. Both of us went through the public school system and this Ivy Leaguer and NYU alum didn't do too badly. In addition, I don't believe that a school's test scores offer the full picture of what goes on there. Scoring well on a test could be a matter of knowing how to take the test, as opposed to actually knowing the subject matter. How much do you actually remember from all those exams you aced in school? I surely don't remember the difference between mitosis and meiosis and I would have never graduated without Cliff Notes.

Take one of the schools we visited recently. This school in our district is present on almost every top list I found online in terms of math and english language scores. Their model of teaching follows a rigid Chinese style approach that tests like crazy and assigns a ton of homework. While we were touring the school, I felt myself breaking into a cold sweat as the Pre-K teacher was barking commands at her group of overwhelmed 4-yr olds. The memories of all those unpleasant Saturdays spent at Chinese school (where I didn't learn a thing!) came rolling back. Obviously, this school is not our choice for our son, test scores be damned!

Unfortunately, short of visiting every school, one doesn't have much to go on when it comes to evaluating them outside the state test scores and those pesky letter grades the NYCDOE assigns to every school in the city. I was quite demoralized for awhile, as the schools we could choose from mostly graded an overall “C” or worse. One school even scored a ZERO on its performance grade. That's right, goose egg! How does one score nothing on a test? The thing I learned about these letter grades is that the NYCDOE uses a bunch of very subjective factors to come up with them. Statistics are a funny thing, work them hard enough and you will always find the answer you want. The worst part is that these letter grades are highly political and no one seems to want to talk about them. I had to grill at least three educators before I could get a straight answer about what these NYC grades mean. My conclusion was to take the letter grades with a grain of salt and to compare them against the actual state score results. Then take a tour! There is nothing like a little face time to get to know a place. Talking to other parents also makes a big difference and the tour is a good place to do it. It was also great to see just as many Dads as Moms on these tours!

We believe in the public school system. Ideally, we'd like to get our son into a school where he could continue through 5th grade or later. We do fear the worst in that our son could potentially not be accepted to any Pre-K at all. But out of principal alone, we won't be throwing away deposit money by entering him into a private program that he might not attend. Never mind the money, we could be selfishly taking a spot from someone else that really wants it. Sure, some may think that we're gambling with our son's education, but at the end of the day, I believe that a child's development comes down to good parenting and then the child's individual desire to succeed. And I believe that a child's desire to succeed starts at home.

Edward Yau is a geek dad that writes code for his kid. You can see his projects at Dendro Kids and Guess Your Baby. Follow Ed on twitter @daddycoder. You can read about his school search in gory detail at: http://art.guessyourbaby.com/general/school/ and see how he totally geeked out by writing a mobile website called Sage, which helps parents search for a Pre-K or elementary school wisely. Punch in your address and it gives you the school you're zoned for (but call 3-1-1 to confirm!) as well as the schools nearby. Progress grades are put out front so you have something more to go on. It's been submitted into the NYC Big Apps competition, so check it out and cast a vote starting on February 8th! The app lives at http://nysage.com/ and you can check it out on your Android or iPhone device, or Chrome and Safari on your desktop.

FIVE KID-FRIENDLY THEATRICAL EXPERIENCES IN NY

2012-02-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

Taking my preschooler to the theater is something I have been contemplating lately. Thing is, most shows run seventy-five to ninety minutes and I worry that my little guy won't be able to stay in his seat unless it is ultra engaging. Let's face it, keeping my son occupied on a short airplane flight is a struggle so how would he fare at a show. Well, I decided to test it out last weekend at the Gazillion Bubble Show (stay tuned - our review is coming soon)- a dazzling performance of bubbles - and I was surprised at the stamina my son demonstrated. Now, I will have the opportunity to test out a few more theatrical experiences because our resident expert, Adam Gertsacov, shares his favorites below with this wonderful guest blog post - L.S.

I don’t think anyone would argue with me when I say that New York is one of the great theatrical cities of the world. (Okay, Londonites and Chicagoans— I said “one” of the great theatrical cities. So shut your pie holes already!)

There’s a lot of theatre going on in the city, and a lot of is not on Broadway. I've (And most of it is unaffordable for kids— Lion King tickets are $100+!)

Here are a few resources for kids of all ages. I’m focusing on hidden treasures that you may not know about. There are many more events and opportunities for kids in all 5 boroughs, and in the outer suburbs (NJ, Westchester, CT). If you know of some others, please post them in the comments!

MARIONETTES IN CENTRAL PARK

The Swedish Cottage at 79th St &West Drive is home to one of the last public marionette companies in the United States. Puppeteers have worked their magic right from the cottage since 1947, pulling the strings on their hand-carved marionettes to bring fairy tale classics to life.

They have shows on the weekends during the winter, and more during the summer. Birthday parties are also available, but get booked up quickly. Reservations are required. Call 212-988-9093 for more info, or visit the website: http://cityparksfoundation.org/swedish_cottage.html

MAX DARWIN

There are lots of shows aimed at kids, but to the best of my knowledge this is the only Off-Broadway Magic Show specifically for kids. Which is pretty surprising, but somehow true. His show has just been extended through June.
I saw a piece of his show recently at a blogger conference that I went to, and it was fantastic. And the kids were enthralled. (There were perhaps one too many potty jokes for parents, but hey, part of being a parent is learning to love potty jokes because your kids love them. Deal with it!)

DISCLAIMER : Max Darwin and I studied together in Maine in 1997. I haven't seen him since then, and my relationship with him then has no bearing or influence on my opinion of his show.

To find out more about his show (and to see a promo video) visit http://www.theamazingmaxlive.com

THE BIG APPLE CIRCUS

The Big Apple Circus is New York's own circus. Each year they produce a big tented show during the Christmas season at Lincoln Center, and they get a fair amount of publicity for that. Their show is a one ring intimate circus (well, as intimate as it can get with over 1700 seats). You probably know about these shows, at least tangentially.

What you may not know is that in addition to these shows in Lincoln Center, they play in other parts of the city. This year they'll be in Bridgewater, NJ March 3-18 and in Queens May 22-June 18.

They also run community programs into schools, for seriously sick children, and for the elderly.

Find out more about their community programs and upcoming shows on their website:
http://www.bigapplecircus.org/community/index.aspx

RIVERDALE RISING STARS

Although it's a little far afield for some, the Riverdale Rising Stars in the Bronx has an excellent training program for kids from ages 5-adult. Originally created as a teen program, they've expanded to include the Jr. Rising Stars and the Riverdale Repertory Company (for adults).

The classes typically culminate in performances, and the ones that we have seen are all excellent. (We are seeing the younger kids perform Guys and Dolls next week!) The daughter of one the founders was in the Broadway production of The Shaggs, a new musical. And we have a bunch of friends with kids that have either gone through the program or are in it now.

While the theatrical element is important, the Riverdale Rising Stars puts a big emphasis on the process and what you learn from the process of creating theatre-self-esteem, respect for others, listening, camaraderie, and how to create lifelong friendships.

They are based at the Riverdale Y, which is easily accessible from the Metro North system and the bus system. (Possible by subway, but harder)

For more information about programs, visit their website at http://riverdalerisingstars.com/

THE NEW VICTORY THEATRE

There is actually a theatre on Broadway (actually at 42nd St & 7th Avenue) that is devoted to kids and their families. The New Victory is a non-profit theatre that manages to program each year some of the best international shows and acts that are aimed at kids. They have a beautifully restored theatre, and next door a small black box theatre that programs smaller works for kids (especially really young kids) My son and I have seen some amazing things there (including a show about a Potato Needing a Bath )

Upcoming in the next three months are a production of songs, dance, and music from Brazil; a production of Tom Sawyer; a dance/circus/comedy production called DO JUMP!; a tango show, and two shows from Australia- one aimed at young kids 2-5, and the other aimed at kids over 10.

Each show also usually presents an educational/workshop component as well.

They also offer a discounted Family plan-- commit to seeing 3 shows, and you become a member and get 35% off your tickets, plus other benefits.

Find out more at their website http://www.newvictory.org

Adam Gertsacov is an actor, clown, director, and fulltime dad. He wears a lot of hats, including those of a flea circus impresario, a PT Barnum impersonator, the director of Providence Rhode Island's New Year's Eve Celebration, a published author, and the esteemed hat of the Clown Laureate of Greenbelt Maryland. He blogs at http://www.dadapalooza.com , http://www.clownlink.com , and now with the NYC Dads Group. He and his wife are currently working on another cool project, the Digital Family Summit, a first-of-its-kind annual conference where teens, tweens and their parents connect to grow their blogs, video and other social media efforts. Find out more at http://www.digitalfamilysummit.com.

Research Study Inquiry: Paternal Involvement in Childcare

2012-02-11T14:45:00.001-05:00

As we see a more steady flow of graduate students, research experts, and even undergrads examining fatherhood and putting dads under the microscope...we will continue to post some of the more unique inquiries. here is the latest:

I am doing the research study to examine paternal involvement in childcare. So I am curious about fathers' parenting attitudes and experiences, as well as how involved he is in childcare. I'm hoping to see a connection between his attitudes and experiences and his involvement in his child's care at home. For my Master's thesis, I examined paternal involvement. However, for my dissertation, I have expanded to include stepfathers, which I am very excited about :) Unfortunately, dads are under-studied...especially stepdads. I hope to change that a little bit anyways.

Thank you and I appreciate any assistance you can provide.

Jessica Ladage, MS
Graduate Research Assistant
Old Dominion University
Department of Psychology
Norfolk, VA 23529
jladage@odu.edu

WIN A $50 AMAZON.COM GIFT CARD!!!

My name is Jessica and I'm a graduate student at Old Dominion University. I have an anonymous online survey that I am trying to get fathers and stepfathers to participate in. To be eligible, participants must:

~Be a father or stepfather with at least one child 12 years or younger

~This child must live in the home at least 50% of the time

~Must be married to the child's biological mother

It will take approximately 25 minutes and at the end of the survey, you will have the opportunity to enter to win one of eight $50 Amazon.com gift cards as a thank you for your participation. Please click the following link to be directed to the survey:

https://periwinkle.ts.odu.edu/surveys/4NHKVB

The Art of the Toddler Diaper Change

2012-02-10T08:01:00.002-05:00

We always say that dads need to "get their hands dirty" when they jump into life as a new parent. Enjoy this guest post from one of our members, Bryan Grossbauer, as he highlights the ins and outs of one of the dirtiest jobs of all, the toddler diaper change. - M.S.

Who wants to walk around in a poopy diaper? Not anyone I know. Oh wait, yes, my 21 month old son, Finn. How could I forget? I suppose it is not that he prefers the dirty diaper to a clean one, but that he just doesn't have time to slow down for a change. Around every corner is a new discovery, a new experience unfolding before his eyes. Who has time to stop and stare at the ceiling while someone wipes and cleans you? Hmm, sounds pretty good to me.

Here's the play by play: with one arm I am able to hold him down while off come the pants. Then the legs start kicking. You have to watch out for a stray leg. Although small, toddlers have strong legs and are willing to show you what you what it really means to "kick".

Next come the diapers. Who knows whats lurking beneath those two tabs that hold the diaper together? The nose knows! This is a stinky one. So now, not only do we have squirm dog millionaire kicking and screaming, but also a loaded diaper? When will it end? In about 16 years, if you push for an out of state college. Back to the mess...

Not sure about other kids, but my son can randomly end up with horrible diaper rash, seemingly coming from nowhere. So bad, that sometimes a soak in tepid water, and a hair dryer on cold air to completely dry his bum is not only good, but quite necessary. Using a cup of lukewarm water and dipping the wipe in it helps to soothe the burn that comes from "gentle wipes".

Once he is clean and dry, I quickly move to the new diaper. Timing is everything now. Having the diaper handy and not in some drawer will help to shave off valuable seconds that could mean the difference between a quick change, or a long drawn-out search for a diaper while the little one runs around the house half naked. Although for some diaper rash, these fresh air, non-diaper moments are just what the rear end needs.

Finally, after a diaper is in position, the cream is applied. I am a fan of the thick and often technique. (Does anyone have a home recipe for diaper rash cream?) A classic move is of course the wiggle that causes a liberal application of cream to the inner thigh. I quickly ignore this, apply another layer in the correct spot, then after securing the diaper, clean up the leg. It's all about staying with the plan, change that diaper, everything else is just details.

Some kids outgrow this battle quite quickly, for others it continues to some extent until potty learning is complete. My son hasn't quite decided to give the potty a chance yet. So for now, the battle wages on and once everything is said and done, he is a lot happier playing with trucks when he is nice and clean- he just doesn't know it yet.

Bryan Grossbauer is an actor, musician, former teacher, and full time stay at home dad. He is father to 22 month old Finn and has a daughter that will be arriving at the end of April. Bryan and his wife, Erin O'Callaghan, live in Manhattan and enjoy traveling, hiking, and live music. Follow his adventures at redwagonstories.blogspot.com and @bryangrossbauer on Twitter.

An Introduction, A Dream, & My Son

2012-02-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

Too often, I hear the generalization that dads don't like to open up about their experiences as parents. I completely disagree! I wish those same people would be a "fly on the wall" at some of our educational workshops where dads are chomping at the bit to vent frustrations, share best practices, and question things about parenting they don't understand. You may have realized that recently we are trying to shatter this misperception by featuring more dad contributors to lend their diverse voices on topics many people did not realize dads talk about. If you still believe that dads can't open up about parenting, read this powerful guest blog contribution by NYC Dads Group member, Roi LeGar, where he expresses that frustration, pain, anger, happiness and the tears he experienced recently as a father has really helped him be a better person with his family...and hopefully he can share and help others through his own experience. - L.S.

Dear Readers of NYC Dads Group,

Here is a little bit about me or rather a lot. I am a 35 year old dad (Andrew is 26 months now) and husband. I graduated from college in '99 and worked as a NYC Elementary School teacher and left teaching after three years because I felt it wasn’t “my right fit". After teaching I went into various sales jobs until I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. In 2010, a year into our son being born, after carefully researching my next career step, I finally decided on a career as a Commercial Airline Pilot. The benefits were appealing! Free travel, lots of time off, decent salary in the long haul and fulfilling my childhood dream of flying planes. We figured, why not! We waited for my wife to finish her Doctorate in May 2011, for me to then leave work that same month and begin school in June of 2011. Things were going great with school and my in-laws were doing an awesome job taking care of our boy Andrew, while I went to school full time. It was the first time anyone other than myself had taken care of Andrew. I have always had the blessing of taking care of Andrew since he was born. I would take care of him during the day and afternoon and then work evenings seven days a week. It was a grueling schedule but it was our only option because getting a nanny meant that I was only working to pay the nanny and not a dime left over for us from my pay. That just didn’t make any sense for our family. Never did we imagine what would come next!

After a couple months of great results in flight school, towards mid-summer, we noticed our son, Andrew feeling and acting weird. Naturally, we rushed him to the doctor and our pediatrician suggested taking him to the Emergency Room...and that is where our lives were forever changed. We were stunned when we were told that our bubbly & energetic Andrew Aidan had a Brain Tumor called Atypical Teratoid Rhabdoid Tumor (AT/RT). Basically, that was the first time in my life in which I really wanted to die. Unimaginable, incomprehensible fear flashed before my eyes and swept through my body and soul. Fading away were the dreams of having father & son hiking trips, teaching him how to drive, how to read girl’s body language or just kicking the soccer ball around. Well that's where my dream of being a pilot was grounded, at least temporarily, because I had to leave school and be Andrew's fulltime dad and caregiver once again. Only this time a whole new element was part of the equation, cancer. I always joke that he must have liked the way I took care of him and had to have his Dad back.

After countless surgeries, chemotherapy treatments and radiation treatments we appear to have won the battle with the brain tumor which is awesome but as of last month he now has two small growths of the same tumor on the top and lower part of the spine. Just when we thought things were getting better. He has been an amazingly strong and willful boy, sometimes going through treatment without a hitch but we have been hitting some very hard road bumps lately and will not stop being loving or positive for him. We are still fighting and will continue to do so because we believe we have already won this war against cancer.

Sorry for the longer than usual note but our situation has not been one within the norm lately. I find myself with a lot of time at night wishing to do something maybe write and that’s why I am sending this letter. The amount of frustration, pain, anger, happiness and tears you experience with this type of situation has really helped me be a better person with my family and hopefully I can share and help others through my experience.

Kind Regards,
Roi

Roi LeGar is a former NYC Elementary School Teacher with a B.A in Elementary Bilingual Education. He is married to his wonderful wife Michelle, a Nurse Practitioner, and is father to two boys, an amazing 26 month old boy Andrew Aidan and a 3 year old Bichon Frise, Beemer Roosky. Roi and his family live in Astoria, Queens and he enjoys photography, aviation, writing, music, hiking, traveling and spending time with the family. He hopes to finish flight school once Andrew is Cancer Free. Follow Roi on the blogosphere at: www.andrewlegar.blogspot.com

My Son is a Satanist, and I'm Proud

2012-02-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

We all say we want to raise our children to be think for themselves. I admire how one of our members, Fivel Rothberg, gives his son the freedom to experience the world and his own choices with acceptance and without judgement. Enjoy Fivel's guest post about how proud he is of his son. -M.S.

As the father of a 13-year-old self-proclaimed Satanist, I can honestly say I’m proud of my son Noam. His beliefs are at once jokingly provocative and seemingly serious. He says that he doesn’t believe in God, but does believe in Satan, “because Satan is cooler. And if you think about it Satan is actually ‘good’ because he’s punishing bad people, right?” He’s got a point. To me his Satanism is like a person trying on a wild-looking hat out in public, to see what the reactions will be.

Spooky

That said, Tamara, my son’s mom, no doubt contributed to Noam’s professed beliefs. He was raised on a steady diet of Tim Burton films, like Nightmare Before Christmas, and horror classics that cherish the macabre. Noam’s favorite toy at age three was a doll named “Spooky” that looked like a bit like chubby vinyl black teddy bear with a simplified skeleton printed on its front.

For at least a year, Noam also towed around a two-foot long creepy-looking Frankenstein monster doll with a grotesquely large head, its veins popping out left and right. At three-years-old, the doll was practically the same size as he was. At 13, he now has a tendency to draw zombie clowns and multi-horned devils. So should I really be surprised when my son announced his Satanism? At least he is showing conviction, right?

Tamara is also the daughter of a Jehovah’s Witness. She wasn’t raised that way – her mom converted only a few years ago, possibly at the behest of Tamara’s grandmother who has been a Jehovah’s Witness for decades. I bring that up because it’s interesting to witness, if you will, the disruption, variety and rediscovery of beliefs all in one extended family. Tamara and her partner Jim – Noam’s stepdad – do not practice any religion. But as far as I know they both believe in God, just not organized religion. And Noam spends the majority of the time living with them.

I came into my own non-religious or atheistic tenets at around the same age as Noam is now. As I studied for my Bar Mitzvah I questioned the fantastical stories of the Torah. The tales are such an intrinsic part of Jewish life that they are retold year after year, holiday to holiday, and every day in between. After years of Hebrew school, in which I barely communicated with the rabbi, I distinctly recall wandering up the synagogue’s back stairwell toward the offices to speak with him. I remember walking down the dimly lit office hallway, where the tiled floors were angled so that they pointed toward Jerusalem. The rabbi, a kind but distant man, invited me in and asked me what I had on my mind. I wondered, “in the Torah it says that the flood that Noah escaped killed everyone else in the world. Does that mean we descend from Noah and his wife, not Adam and Eve?” He answered, “well, probably at that time it felt like the whole world was flooded, but it was just the area around Israel. Besides, they are just stories that are told, they are metaphors.” “Oh,” I said. While I went on to do my Bar Mitzvah, my nonbelief was solidified the day I finally had the courage to question the rabbi.

I can only imagine that this disjuncture of shared beliefs within a family system is increasingly common in an era when co-parenting or split parenting is prevalent. With that in mind, I admire Noam’s questioning, searching and playfulness as he discovers the world around him and what beliefs he will hold onto as “the truth.”

Fivel Rothberg is a father, media maker, producer, educator and activist who received his MFA in Integrated Media Arts at Hunter College. He is currently finishing a short documentary about being a father and addressing abuse in his family.

Website: http://www.housedevil-streetangel.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/HouseDevilStreetAngel

Twitter: @fivel_rothberg

DAD says, "No, I Didn't Take the Day Off to Be Home With My Son"

2012-02-07T09:34:00.002-05:00

In this guest post, NYC Dads Group member & part-time at-home dad, Seth Leibowitz, tries to maintain his composure and set the record straight with a Mom at Trader Joe's that it is "possible" for dad to be spending quality time during the day with his child...not because he took the day off or lost his job...but, because being the primary caregiver is his job -L.S.

Mondays and Fridays are my days that I spend with my three-year old son. Last week, I encountered a situation in which the modern-day family construct was lost in the mind of a proverbial "soccer mom".

It was 11am on Monday and the Trader Joe's in my town was relatively quiet. I strolled the aisles pushing the cart while my son nibbled on a biscuit. As I tossed a box of "Joe-Joes" into my cart a mother and her little one came down the aisle in the other direction. She stopped next to us and smiled.

"How sweet. You took the day off to be with your son."

Deep breath...

"I didn't take the day off."

She threw a puzzled look.

"Oh. So your unemployed. I'm so sorry. Times are tough I know."

A thousand witty snide retorts formulated in my brain ranging from making fun of her fake Uggs to her kid's nose which seemed to resemble a faucet of snot at this point.

"No, I'm a stay-at-home dad."

She looked as if someone had just asked her to solve a quadratic equation with a gun to her head and stopwatch ticking down from 30 seconds.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Good luck to you."

It was time to take a stand. Right here. Right now. With the gluten-free Mac and Cheese as my witness I spoke with great fervor in my voice.

"Don't be sorry. Frankly it's an incredible experience to be able to spend the formative years of my son's life with him like this. I mean I'm sure your husband can relate to that, right?"

I just chopped off her earlobe with my samurai sword.

"Actually my husband runs a hedge fund and spends most of the weeknights in the city, so no... he can't relate."

I couldn't help but smirk, yet felt bad at the same time.

"Oh I'm sorry..."

I pushed our cart past her and as if to add insult to injury my son tossed his half-eaten biscuit in her shopping cart and said, "Daddy, that girl had a lot of boogies in her nose".

Levity.

It still baffles me why the concept of a stay-at-home dad is so unreal. I would really like for this lady to take a look at the Metro-North train station in our town during rush hour. There are as many men dropping off commuting women as their are vice versa. Perhaps she should stop in our Monday morning library class where there are more dads than moms singing songs with their kids.

I think this Monday I may have a meetup at Trader Joe's with some of my dad friends in hopes of encountering that lady again.

I'll also bring extra Boogie Wipes for her child to show how awesome & thoughtful I am as well.

Seth Leibowitz is a part-time stay-at-home dad and a special education teacher in Westchester County. He created the Westchester Dads Meetup Group which currently has forty-six members. In his spare time, he is a professional air guitarist (seriously) and enjoys watching New York Rangers hockey. Follow Seth on his blog or @ShreddyMercury on Twitter for some sarcastic humor. This entry is also cross-posted on Seth's blog.

It's Time For Dads to Fight the War on Families

2012-02-06T09:23:00.001-05:00

In this guest post, NYC Dads Group member, Chris VanDijk suggests that the American family is under attack, and it's time for dads to join our moms, wives, girlfriends, and daughters to fight back. -M.S.

Typically in my blog posts, I focus on the outlier status of being a stay-at-home father: we’re different; we’re outside the norm; other parents don’t trust us to host sleepovers alone; is there a correlation with stay at home dads and low testosterone; what is it like to be the only dad at mommy and me yoga/music class/children’s gym class/on the playground. As such, we cater to the ever growing, tight knit community of fathers who, for whatever reason, have found themselves at home in an unfamiliar position. What goes by the wayside is the fact that we are parents and part of a team, a pack, a family.

And that family is under attack.

I’m sure you’ve heard it every day, all over the news. The American family is under attack. And yet, depending on where you get your news, everything you have heard is probably wrong.

We hear that “gay marriage” is going to be the end of marriage. I have been married almost 15 years and have many gay friends who are now married and we all agree that the end of marriage is divorce. We hear that “Stay-at-home fathers lead to emasculated young men.” No, not just wrong, it’s utterly laughable.

There is a war on families and it starts with an all out assault on the fairer sex. Our women are under attack.

How does this relate to us as stay at home dads, or dads in general?

When we undercut women and their reproductive freedom, their economic equality, and basic protections in the workplace, we undermine the family and put our effectiveness as stay-at-home fathers in jeopardy.

There is a concerted effort to roll back the rights and protections women have gained over the last hundred years. Last week the Susan G. Komen Foundation announced it was cutting grant funding to Planned Parenthood. The decision was pointedly political. The outrage was immediate, the impact so harsh, that thirty years of groundbreaking work on women’s health issues were erased by 36 hours of narrow minded political hackery. This was the culmination of a year long coordinated effort to destroy one of the only places where women of any income can get the kind of life saving care they need – all because they perform abortions – which constitutes a whopping 3% of what they do.

My wife once used Planned Parenthood as her primary reproductive care provider – as many women in this country do. Necessary procedures for women, such as pap smears and breast cancer screenings constitute the majority of their work. We learned about STD’s and were taught about effective contraception and family planning by Planned Parenthood. Yet there are those who call for the public hanging of these health care providers and a small, loud, myopic group of shortsighted individuals threaten to end this kind of care, putting all of our women in danger.

Before you say this is an isolated incident, please note that the day after the decision by the Susan G. Komen Foundation, there was a discussion about birth control on the floor of the House of Representatives. Birth control. At issue was the new provision of the Affordable Health Care Act that requires Insurance Companies to cover prescription contraceptives. The majority was not just arguing about dismantling this provision, they were arguing the actual value of birth control.

We’re debating birth control in 2012? Birth control that, prescribed by a doctor, insurance companies refused to cover as part of a woman’s prescription drug benefit, even though they cover Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, and any other prescription to give a man an erection. We’re debating birth control that, when used properly, can prevent unwanted pregnancy, effectively lowering the incidents of abortion. The United States House of Representatives chose to debate birth control instead of jobs or the economy.

This war on our families includes a fight over pay equality. The Lilly Ledbetter Act was passed into law in 2009. The bill’s basic assertion is that a woman should be paid the same as a man for the same job. It seems insane that it was actually necessary to make this a law, and yet it still faces opposition. How can anyone realistically state that a woman is second class; that a woman deserves to be paid less than a man because of her gender – or, for that matter, that a man is worth more?

It is also perfectly legal to fire, without substantiated cause, a woman who is pregnant. Several states have targeted unions, which have historically protected employees from these kinds of abuses by employers. This leaves a pregnant woman, in the case of a dear friend of mine, a woman five months pregnant, without an income or health insurance. Since we tie health insurance to employment in this country, many women are forced to work because the medical costs associated with having a child require health insurance. (We have not touched on the fact that there is no paid maternity leave in the United States, something that differentiates us from every country on the planet save Papua New Guinea and Swaziland.)

How does all of this affect us as dads?

I’m a writer and actor. I work freelance and my income is not steady. I have no insurance save that provided by my union and it’s tied to how many weeks I am hired to work. My primary occupation is stay-at-home parent. My wife, who works in higher education, has a steady paycheck, great insurance, and ability to provide us with the stability we desired when starting our family. Organizations like Planned Parenthood provided us with health care early in our marriage and the tools we needed when deciding to have our child. Prescription birth control allowed us to have the child when we chose and not before we were ready fiscally and emotionally. As the primary source of income, we expect my wife to be compensated according to her ability, her education, and her skill – not her genitalia. We expect her job to be protected from the kind of unscrupulous tactics that caused our dear friend to lose hers, leaving another family to scramble in an economy where the same people attacking our families through harmful legislation or backwards corporate decisions are also actively working to dismantle the very safety nets that ensure none of us fall into poverty. Our definition of “family values” includes the institutions and protections that give us the freedom to raise our child the way we do.

On a bigger scale, this is a battle against our wives, mothers, sisters and daughters. It’s one we, as men, must join.

So how do we fight back? Vote. Be active. Find out how your representatives actually voted. Don’t listen to spin, get the actual voting record. Join local groups dedicated to protecting the health of women and mothers; to ensuring our women are equally paid and respected; fight to make sure we are always moving forward and never to the regressive past. Progress is what we strive for as stay-at-home fathers, breaking the conventional rules every day, proving we’re just as equal to the task as any stay-at-home mom, bringing our own set of unique skills to the table. Much in the same way our wives, mothers and girlfriends do in the workplace.

Christopher VanDijk is an actor and screenwriter in New York City, husband to Angela and the stay at home dad to Turtle, a precocious two year old who loves Elmo, pirates, and dinosaurs. You can follow him in the Twitterverse @skinned_knees and on the blogger machine at skinnedkneesinshortpants.blogspot.com

Research Study Inquiry: Effects of Social Support on Parenting Among Fathers

2012-02-05T14:51:00.001-05:00

The research study inquiry outlined below got pinged over to us & it piqued our interest. Being a member of an active & social dads group has been vital for me to becoming a better dad and certainly a more engaged father! How far we have come - here is a research study that aims to examine the effects of social support on parenting among fathers. I have a pretty good idea of what these survey results might find out: many fathers still do not have a good social or support network in place to assist them in parenting...which in turn, leads to more stress. Consequently, the amount of dad communities, social groups, and dad-club school groups are gaining momentum everywhere so we must be much further ahead of where we were only a few short years ago. - L.S.

I am a PhD candidate at the University of Minnesota's School of Social Work. I am conducting a survey of fathers to examine the effects of social support and parenting stress. I'm are wondering if you could post a survey link to my survey: Support For Dads Survey. This research study has been fully approved by the U of Minnesota's Institutional Review Board for the protection of human subjects.

To be eligible for this study, fathers must 18 years or older with a child 5 years old or younger. Participation will take about 20 minutes. Upon completion and submission of the survey, participants will have the opportunity to enter their email address in a drawing for a $25 Amazon gift certificate.

The purpose of this research study is to examine the effects of social support on parenting among fathers. I will use the responses to gain an understanding of how social support affects fathering and identify the support needs of fathers.

Participation in this study is voluntary. Your decision whether or not to participate will not affect your current or future relations with the University of Minnesota. Participants are free not to answer any questions or withdraw at any time without effecting those relationships.

I'm happy to share a written report of the study upon completion.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Ericka Kimball, MSW, LGSW
Social Work Doctoral Candidate
MINCAVA Graduate Research Assistant
University of Minnesota

Hello Brazil! I am a Proud Dad!

2012-02-03T14:24:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago John Badalament, author of The Modern Dads Dilemma, pinged us because he suggested we participate in a progressive story about fatherhood for a Brazilian news program. Hat tip to John for giving us the opportunity to share our story with Brazil on Comportamento GNT!

Though I realize you may not know what Lucia Guimaraes (the Brazilian Correspondent) is saying, my answers are all in English. Pretty interesting experience for me with the inclusion of Portuguese subtitles though! Hopefully, I did a decent job hitting upon some of the important points and demonstrating how much I embrace my role as primary caregiver....in the hopes that it will spark some conversations in Brazilian households where they are much further behind than us in getting fathers more involved early and often in their children's lives.

The segment excerpt translated from Portuguese:
Meet the teacher who stopped working to care for the child

In one of the most popular series of American television, "Up All Night," NBC, her husband quit the law firm to stay home taking care of household responsibilities, while his wife works. The New York correspondent for the 'Get Fair', Lúcia Guimarães has a conversation with a public school teacher who stopped working to care for their child.

I Bought My 18-Month Old a Knife

2012-02-02T08:48:00.001-05:00

We know that parents come in all shapes and sizes, and certainly this is the case with Dads. Here is a post from one of our members, Niel Vuolo, reflecting on fatherly advice that doesn't always come from dad. -M.S.

I bought my 18-month old a knife.

I know that statement sounds outrageous, but it is 100% true. Perhaps I should back up a step or two.

Legacy and leaving something to be remembered by has been really on my mind since I became a dad nearly four years ago. Those thoughts ramped up in particular this past year as my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and I visited my dad’s grave (only the second time in the past 25 years). I didn’t know what to do with these thoughts; I started writing letters to my kids for them to open at a future date. But I was searching for more.

The answer came from a not-so unusual place. I was at a regular Boy Scout meeting on a Friday night. A ritual I have kept up since I was only 10 ½ years old, and has followed me into adulthood. That night our troop’s committee chairman Tom Dowd was running a program about knife safety.

Mr. Dowd (who I will always refer to that way out of respect), brought his collection of knives. Small knives, big ones, plain knives and very ornate ones as well. The one that stood out to me was a small folding blade knife with a faux wood exterior that he said once belonged to his father. And it clicked. I needed to get a knife that I could pass along to my son when the time was right. I had recently lost a really nice, simple locking blade Gerber knife, so it was an opportune time to purchase a new one.

Getting that unintentional advice from Mr. Dowd was exactly what I needed to hear from my boyhood positive male role model. Through the years Mr. Dowd has treated me and a few others who have gone under his wing as surrogate sons, both in the troop and in real life. Over the years our families had gone on vacations together, family weddings, and had many good times. But even in tough times he was there, after I lost my job last summer, I would run into him on the street and we would talk about strategies and ideas. Just brainstorming. He told me about times that he was out of work and that he eventually bounced back. And no matter how my career goes on from here, I know I can bounce ideas off him and that he has my back.

Years ago, when he got a job out of the city and could no longer fulfill his responsibilities with the troop as Scoutmaster, he picked me as his successor. There were older more experienced candidates, but he knew I could take the reigns and be successful.

It goes to show you that “dads” aren’t always related to you. And it’s a title that you have to earn from your kids; whether they are your own, or if they are ones that you find along the way.

So, I found a small knife, similar to the one I had lost. Sharp and true. This would be the one that gets passed down to my son. I am sure that if he follows my footsteps into scouting that he will have his own knives over the years. But even if he doesn’t, one day he will show off a nice modest knife and say that “this was my dad’s knife.”

Niel Vuolo is many things, a stay at home dad to two awesome kids, a writer, and a lifelong Mets fan from Queens, NY. You can read more about him and his adventures on his blog Great Moments in Bad Parenting and on Twitter @GMIBadParenting

Mealtime With My Daughter is so Damn Stressful!

2012-02-01T06:01:00.003-05:00

Talk to almost any parent, and they are probably stressing over something surrounding their children. Our children evolve, and with their constant changes, they keep "testing" our limits and keep us on our toes. Just when you feel victorious that you nipped one of your kids' bad habits in the bud, something else falls out of place, and we have to define more boundaries. You have to empathize with Jake Howard-Potter's gripe below describing his constant struggle at mealtimes with his two year old daughter. "This too shall pass" is our advice based on his candid guest blog post. It is our aim to feature more "voices of dad" on this blog to provide the diversity of topics that dads are talking, thinking, and yes, stressing about- L.S.

I find feeding my daughter the most stressful time of the whole day. Unlike most everything else in our day, it occurs three times in the span of about 12 hours. Nothing comes that regularly and with as much baggage as feeding time.

Like the clock on the wall mindlessly and dauntingly counting time, mealtimes come with exacting regularity. Whether I am on schedule or not, my daughter lets me know all too well just when it is time to eat. It may be the full out fall to the floor and sprawl while screaming, or the subtle and cute quietness, but when it is mealtime, she lets me know. The need for the body to have food, is I assume, one of the three or four most important functions of the brain. Breathing, pumping blood with the heart, and eating are probably tied for first place of what to do first in our brains. I know I don’t think about breathing or beating my heart consciously so to my daughter eating is probably the most important function she has control over. There are other “functions” that happen regularly throughout the day, changing diapers, though that does not have the same stress inducing second guessing that feeding brings up. You pull off the dirty one, clean her up, and throw on a new one...simple.

"Did she eat enough? Were the things I actually got her to eat healthy? Does squeeze fruit with apples and squash count as a vegetable? How much actual squash is in that thing? Do gummy rabbits have any nutritional value at all?" These are the things that run through my head when I am sitting at the dining room table and my daughter is in her high chair “having lunch”. I always try to start with the healthy stuff. Carrots, chicken, broccoli and maybe cheese. Then, after she has chewed through 2 carrots, and all the mashed up remains are in the bib, I go for the yogurt drink. “I know that there is a lot of sugar but she’s growing right? I mean there’s protein and fruit in there, so it has to be good.” Inevitably, after a while, she throws a spoon full of yogurt or the whole packet into the air where it smears onto the carpet and the placemats... and I reluctantly move onto the next item.

“More, More, More” she says while making the sign for more in front of her and pointing to the brownie on the kitchen counter. She had a piece last night, as a treat after dinner, and she can see it now in plain sight. “Why did I leave it out on the counter?” I say to myself trying to distract her with a spoonful of applesauce. With the cries and wails of torture that emanate into the vents of the building when the spoon moves towards her mouth, I am waiting for the doorbell to ring and someone to say, “Is everything ok?” Applesauce is in front of her and she needs a brownie now. I try to get her quiet and thinking about something else by saying, “Have some milk!” This works for a second when she remembers that there is milk in that cup. For the most part she loves milk, but after three or four big gulps, staring at the brownies the chant of “More, More, More” continues. “O.K. sweetie, you want some brownie?” “Yea, Yea, Yea, Daddy!!!”

With the worlds biggest smile on her face and cheeks that look like they are glowing, she takes a bite and starts eating! Finally, food is going down her throat and into her belly. Victory! Nourishment - that primary building block for her body, mind and growth is flowing to the right place and not on the floor or in the air. Peace has taken over and she is holding a smashed piece of brownie in the air and singing "Must Be Santa" with a ring of chocolate around her full mouth.

Meanwhile, I get more stressed: “Oh no, she’s eating chocolate and sugar which is going to rot her teeth and stunt her growth. I am a complete failure as a parent.”
This routine is repeated about 5 hours later...and as I mentioned earlier, happens three times a day. The foods are different each time, but always have similar qualities. In descending order, they start healthy, move to OK, and then end in junk. Sometimes she will eat two whole bowls of sweet potatoes and I have a pink cloud moment where I have succeeded in being a father who is providing the right kind of nutrition for her. Other times, her only dinner is a juice box and half a bag of potato chips.

Mealtimes are the most stressful time of my day with her because I want the best for her. I want her to have a balanced diet where her brain is getting the optimum amount of vitamins and minerals so she can develop and grow up. My wife and I are little so if she eats well she will be healthy and strong and not have to worry about her small stature. Feeding her the right foods now when she is learning how to fuel her body will set the precedent for healthy living and eating in the future. These are the reasons I get stressed out when I feed her because I, like any parent in the world, want what’s best for her.

It's only after about three or four of these fiasco’s that I remember something my Mother In Law said when she was little. “No child that is offered three meals in a day will starve.” Upon remembering these words I can usually smile, “she is healthy, she is growing, how lucky I am to have food on the table for her to throw around when the brain’s primary task has been bypassed.” When I remember this and reflect, I open a bag of chips, or a package of M&M’s, and pass it back and forth while we smile and laugh about eating junk food. I strain to let go of all the stuff my brain is telling me and just enjoy her eating and being happy. The moment of a stressful lunch has left me and we are calm and happy…………until dinner, she has got to eat some of those green beans, they’re good for her! Urghhhhhh! “Honey don’t throw those, it’s messy to throw food and it’s not nice.”

What stresses you out? Naptime? Bedtime routine? Getting your children out of the house for school?

Jack (Jake) Howard Potter resides in New York City with his wife, Erica and (two year old) daughter, Skylar. Motivated by his study of human anatomy and movement, Howard-Potter works with steel to create large-scale figurative sculptures. His work has been on display throughout the world in outdoor sculpture parks, galleries and public art exhibitions. Aside from being his daughter's primary caregiver, He is an active endurance athlete competing in multiple half marathons and triathlons each year. To view his work or learn more, visit www.steelstatue.com or visit @steelstatue on Twitter & www.facebook.com/pages/Jack-Howard-Potter-SteelStatue.

Parenting Editor Responds to Allegations of Dad Bias Advice

2012-01-31T10:27:00.000-05:00

Sean Bean, Editor of Parenting Magazine and Parenting.com is a man we respect very much and we appreciate his friendship and kindness in including us in his magazine on occasion. Yesterday, he responded to allegations that one of the articles published on Parenting.com, The New Playdate Playbook, includes advice from an expert that exhibited an unfair bias against dads. In addition to my post yesterday, questions of dad bias came from mainstream parenting sites like Huffington Post and Babble, feminist websites like Jezebel, and sites focused on men's issues like The Good Men Project.

You should read his response yourself, Sleepovers in the Sandusky Era, but basically, he suggests that we as parents are living in difficult and complicated times, there are in fact parents who are concerned about men supervising children, and they are entitled to their opinion. I agree, and I especially appreciated this point:

The 21st century parenting universe is vast. And as the message boards and comment fields on Parenting.com prove, it’s full of vastly different opinions. If would be easy if the only issue during a playdate or sleepover was a wet sleeping bag or a skinned knee. But that’s not the case any more. Gay parents, single dads, divorce, and violent video games are all part of the conversation. They are woven into the fabric of the modern American family. But for some, what’s different is what’s unfamiliar. And what's unfamiliar is what's unsettling. Ever made a difficult, maybe even irrational, decision based on the unknown? Another way to ask that question is: Ever been a parent?

That said, there are two points in this discussion that I think Bean is missing. First, the article frames the response as "expert" advice from a PhD, a therapist, and owner of a counseling center. Though I agree that "experts" deserve their own opinion, I think the inflammatory nature of the advice deserves to be countered with another point of view rather than left on it's own. To Bean's point, we are living in complicated and difficult times, and Parenting and Parenting.com needs to be resources for parents as we navigate scary news stories, technologies we don't understand, and media that we don't even know about. We don't need more fear mongering.

My second concern comes at the end of the piece when he says "five tween girls texting and braiding and gossiping and squealing and (let’s be honest, not) sleeping might be beyond my skill set." First, though Bean acknowledges that his experience is not the issue, he does have an opportunity here to represent a broader picture of what it means to be a dad. The brouhaha is about divorced dads, but the same questions and concerns are coming up about single dads, widowed dads, at-home dads, and gay dads. Whether within our skill set or not, sometimes we are called upon to step up to something unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Some fathers don't have the opportunity to "opt out" of a tween sleepover, or braiding their daughters' hair before school, or the first period, or bra shopping, so they step up, do the best they can, and they deserve nothing less than our respect.

Can We Justify Bias Against Fathers?

2012-01-30T10:20:00.000-05:00

Take a look at this quote from an article published on a prominent parenting site and then republished on a prominent news site:

You’ve accepted a sleepover invite for your son, not realizing that the family is Jewish. You’re not OK with it. What to do?

The Solution: “Call and say ‘I’m sorry, and this is about me and not you, but I just don’t feel comfortable with a Jew supervising an overnighter,’ ” says Morris, a PhD., play therapist, mother of three, and founder of Counseling Center at Liberty, in Columbiaville, NH. Offer to host the girls at your place instead, if you can, or ask to turn the sleepover into a “late-over,” where your daughter stays only till bedtime. In the future, always ask who’ll be on duty before you say yes to a sleepover.

Appalled? Mortified? Already started writing your comment about the injustice, indignity, the irrationality of the statement. Well, thankfully, I made that one up. Here's another one:

You’ve accepted a sleepover invite for your daughter, not realizing that only her pal’s divorced dad will be home. You’re not OK with it. What to do?

The Solution: “Call and say ‘I’m sorry, and this is about me and not you, but I just don’t feel comfortable with a man supervising an overnighter,’ ” says Paone (a Ph.D., a play therapist, mother of three, and founder of Counseling Center at Heritage, in Montgomeryville, PA). Offer to host the girls at your place instead, if you can, or ask to turn the sleepover into a “late-over,” where your daughter stays only till bedtime. In the future, always ask who’ll be on duty before you say yes to a sleepover.

Appalled? Mortified? Already started writing your comment about the injustice, indignity, the irrationality of the statement. Well, unfortunately, this one is real and was posted originally on Parenting.com and then republished on CNN.com, so keep writing.

You might also be thinking that you agree with the parent's concern and the advice that was given, and you are likely not alone. Many people are justifying these feelings because we are trying to do what's best for our children. In a world surrounded with stories of rapists and pedophiles, could we ever live with ourselves if something happened when we let our child stay over at a man's house?

These feelings aren't new. Can't we all think back to a time (not that long ago) when "experts" would have advised parents not to allow their children to stay overnight at the home of a Jewish family, or a black family, because we weren't "comfortable?" Do we still think it's possible for "experts" to advise parents not to allow their children to stay overnight at the home of a gay or lesbian family?

When do we cross the line of "this is about me, not you" thinking being used to justify our actions to "this is about me" thinking as an opportunity to look inwards to address our own biases. None of us can justify to ourselves that it would okay to not let our children have a sleepover at someone's house because they were poor, or handicapped, or a different race or a different religion, right?

If I were asked to comment on this question, I might suggest something like this:

The Solution: "Take a moment to think about why you feel this way. Do you know men that are excellent fathers that would provide a safe, caring, and fun environment for you child," says Schneider, not a PhD, not a play therapist, not a founder of a counseling center, but a father of two. "Perhaps you should take some time to get to know the father before you decide you are uncomfortable. In the future, always get to know the person who will be caring for your child (man or woman) before you say yes to a sleepover."

Since the dawn of humanity, parents have been put in uncomfortable situations that require us to make decisions. Over time, our thinking continues to evolve as we re-think our own experiences and prejudices. It's time to force ourselves to re-think, as one of our Facebook followers put it, our Dadophobia.

New Dad Boot Camp Update

2012-01-27T14:37:00.000-05:00

We've gotten off to a great start with our New Dad Boot Camps. Tomorrow, we'll run our seventh workshop with a packed house of 13 new and expecting dads! The boot camps have also gotten great media coverage with mentions in New York Family Magazine, Time Out New York Kids, New York Metro Parents, The Tribeca Trib, A Child Grows in Brooklyn, DNAinfo, and a great piece on CBS 2 News. Many thanks also to our great partners, Tribeca Parenting and the 92nd Street Y Parenting Center.

Most importantly, the first few sessions have convinced us that new and expecting dads appreciate the opportunity to connect with dads that have experienced the highs and lows of the first few months of life as a new parent. Click here to see what some dads thought of their boot camp experience.

Here are the dates, locations and registration links for upcoming New Dad Boot Camps:

Saturday, February 11, 2012 - Ft. Greene (Brooklyn) @ Tribeca Parenting - Register here

Saturday, February 25, 2012 - Tribeca @ Tribeca Parenting - Register here

Saturday, March 3, 2012 - Upper East Side @ 92nd Street Y - Register here

Please share with your favorite new and expecting dads!

MGM Planning a 'Mr. Mom' Remake

2012-01-25T14:33:00.000-05:00

The latest uproar among the active, involved, and caring dads out in the blogosphere is the latest news release from MGM...that they are planning to remake/reboot several movies, one of which is Mr. Mom!

Even though I have not watched the 1980's film by John Hughes in many years (still scratching my head why), the term "Mr. Mom" seems to be at the root of numerous media angles about bumbling idiots that are dads that sometimes give us caring, confident, and nurturing dads a bad rap. Personally, I prefer to be called a "modern man" (even though caring for my child is certainly nothing new) instead of Mr. Mom or Stay-at-Home Dad (SAHD). That said, I don't take it personally when someone does refer to the primary caregiving dad as Mr. Mom.

I can;t say I am surprised at the idea for a remake since involved fatherhood seems to be a hot topic these days in the media with articles that are more meaningful and covering topics like dads fitting into the work-life equation and paternity leave. Maybe remaking the film will be an opportunity for MGM (in addition to making money) to provide a more realistic picture (like some TV sitcoms) of what the at-home dad role is truly like and put the positive spin on it which it surely deserves.

What do you think of MGM planning to remake this film?