Journey of Happiness

Migrating to Wordpress.

2011-10-10T16:02:00.002+01:00

Since I can't open blogger easily here in Beijing any more, I have decided to move Journey of Happiness to a new platform:

http://sherlyzhang.wordpress.com

You are welcome to visit there any time :) See you there!

6 more days....

2011-08-22T16:09:00.000+01:00

To Beijing, China.
Why do time fly so fast when we are having fun? I can't believe it already comes to the last week of our holiday at my home... One month is truly NOT enough! :(
Sunday afternoon will come so soon for us to leave Bali on the way to Beijing. I still am NOT excited. I really don't know what to expect... Maybe I'll just close my eyes and have faith that God knows what's ahead of us... Maybe.

Please pray that things go well for us starting a new chapter there, in Beijing.

Anyway, this evening, we went to Airport to send my beloved best friend and sister, Yulia, off to go back to Jakarta. She came since last Wednesday, for 5 days. Too bad I was sick, so we didn't get to go around Bali as planned. However, we had a great time at Tanjung Benoa; me taking photos and Lan and her playing jetskis, banana boats and parasailing. We also played UNO together, the four of us (Lan, Grace, she and I), and had way too much laughter!
I'm so glad she came. I really am blessed to have her as a best friend for the last 12 years (and for many more years to come, I believe). My lovely sister, thank you for coming to meet me. I love you and I miss you already! xoxo.

'Til the next post, God bless you all! :)

The latest news!

2011-08-16T05:19:00.000+01:00

We are back from being in Surabaya for a week. It's just nice to just be at home again, except that I am sick. Headache, runny and blocky nose, as well as fever. Ugh... I am feeling horrible right now.

We were super busy in Surabaya. Meeting people here and there. The most important, however, was to renew my passport and apply for the Chinese visa. So now I got my new passport and Chinese visa. One thing that was so complicated is how to legalised our Indonesian marriage certificate. :( We had to send things to Jakarta (Departemen Hukum dan HAM + Departemen Luar Negeri) to get their approval stamps, etc. Super complicated! Until now, it's still not finished yet... I hope it's finished real soon, so that we can have stress-free holiday!

How are you all doing? I hope I find you all well.

Anyway, headache is killing my head, so I better lay down for now.

xoxo

Tired but home.

2011-07-31T15:11:00.000+01:00

After a trip seemed to be forever and so tiring, we are finally back home. We slept more than 12 hours since last night and woke up around 1pm today!
It's our first time seeing my parents' house since the renovation, looking nicer and spacious. Lan has been forever teasing Grace, our little sister and having a grand time giggling and playing with her. Another good news is that Internet is way faster now! We even have wireless! *woohoo* ;)

Anyway, that's all for now. See you tomorrow.

xoxo

in Singapore

2011-07-30T01:02:00.000+01:00

We are here, using free Internet access in Singapore Changi Airport. We're so tired and sleep deprived, no matter how much sleep we had in the plane.

My monthly guest also decided that it's the 'perfect' time to visit me, so, from waist down, my body is triple-wreck!

We arrived in Singapore at 6.40am, and our flight to Bali is not until 3pm something, so we have lots of time to kill! Probably will be walking around, especially after so much sitting down we did!

I was secretly sobbing on the plane, while Lan was fast asleep. I was sad leaving Liverpool and heading to the unknown... At the same time, I prayed that The Lord guides our little family all the way, wherever we have to be.

xoxo

The closing of this chapter

2011-07-28T12:24:00.000+01:00

In less than 24 hours, Lan and I will be leaving UK for good. This morning when I was awake on the bed, thinking about how many more hours we have until tomorrow's flight, my heart was thumping like crazy. This IS probably the last post I'd typed in Liverpool.

I have lived here in Liverpool for almost 10 years (in September it would be 10 years). I've grown comfortable here and gotten quite used to everything here. I studied all my 10 years here, met my husband-to-be here, spent our 4 years of marriage here in a student life.
Right now, I am more terrified than excited about the future. Tomorrow at 9.10 am we will fly out of Manchester heading to Bali. We'll arrive on 30th and stay there until 28th August, before flying again to Beijing. Yes, we are settling down in Beijing this time. Not sure for how long, but it might not be permanent. Definitely some years there. :) I am terrified of the unknown that is embracing me in Beijing... I don't speak Mandarin and I am NOT a big-city girl to begin with. So I have a lot to adapt to.
These 2 days, we are blessed to find out that we have found the flat that we wanted to rent and that we got the government permit to own a car. It seems that things are taking their places on perfect timing. Praise The Lord! I know that He is preparing our way ahead of us.

All in all, even with my PhD withdrawal, I can finally say today that I've done this chapter well because of God's grace. There was no way I could've done all of those I achieved alone.
And I know that God understands and He leads my way. I am not alone, He is always be with me, even in the most terrifying moments of life.

So... I welcome the new chapter of my life now. I know God's goodness and mercy are prepared for me and Lan, our family.

See you on the other side of the world, friends, and good bye, Liverpool...

Paris, I'm in LOVE!

2011-07-27T15:56:00.000+01:00

We had a great great time in Paris for 5 days. I would say it was NOT enough... I wanted to stay longer, but maybe it's the sign we should return there soon :)
We spent the first 2 days in Disneyland, made me feel like a little child going into a fantasy land! Then the third day we went to Eiffel tower and Arc de Triomphe. Fourth day was spent at Notre Dame, Musee de Louvre and Champ de Elysees. Fifth day, we went to Chateau de Versailles before heading back to Liverpool. Those 5 days were spent with lots and lots of queuing, burning feet, tiredness, good food, happiness and fun!

Now we're back to the reality that we have only a few days here for packing, cleaning up and all the other stuffs to do before flying out from Manchester for the one last time to Bali and then to Beijing.
I will keep those sweet memories of Paris in my head for now, maybe once we're settled I might write them down in this blog. :)

See you soon!!

2011-07-20T13:37:00.000+01:00

In a few hours we are off to Paris for our 5 days of VERY belated honeymoon!!! *woohoo*
I am excited and feeling so surreal... we finally got to go this time after a fail attempt back in 2008! I'm praying for good weather and awesome holiday! I am just so so thankful for this opportunity!

Praise The Lord! He is good all the time, no matter what. :)

See you when we come back.

Congratulations, my dear hubby!

2011-07-19T10:58:00.000+01:00

I am so proud of you, my dear! I was overflowing with pride seeing you in that red robe, walking across the stage to get your certificate! It was a longggg day, yesterday, and we were both so tired afterwards... It started with heavy rain until afternoon, but I think God heard our prayers and it stopped. :)

What an unforgettable day! Congratulations on getting 'Doctor of Philosophy'!
You know that to me, you're still my dear hubby, no matter what's your title.
I love you!

Exciting times await!

2011-07-16T20:54:00.000+01:00

Yay!!! I cannot wait for Monday to come! It's Lan's graduation day and he will officially be a Dr. that day :) I am so proud of him! It's going to be a busy day; the graduation ceremony is at 3pm, followed by a short reception afterwards held by the department, and we are invited to a farewell party made for us by Daniel, Karolina and Michel (the colleguaes in the department). (I'm not quite sure who else is coming...)
Tuesday will be the final packing day before we leave for Paris on Wednesday!!! *weeee!* I really cannot wait!

Here is hoping that the weather will be warm, sunny and most importantly DRY on Monday and that our honeymoon is really enjoyable :)

Alrighty... I hope you are all having a great weekend and will have a blessed week ahead :)

So many things to do!

2011-07-11T19:30:00.000+01:00

Looking at our plan on our last few weeks here, boy, do we have lots of things to do and lots of people to meet! In a way, it's a realisation that we actually have lots of friends here in Liverpool :)

With a week to Lan's graduation, I've made sure that his shirt is ironed and ready to wear. However, we're kind of anxious that the graduation ticket hasn't arrived on the mail yet. I hope it arrives in the next few days, otherwise, I won't be able to get in to Philharmonic Hall, where the graduation ceremony is held.

Nine days to Paris. I am excited as well as dragging it hehehe... I haven't really packed our things yet. I'm just too tired after doing a lot of packing, sorting and throwing stuffs away.
Our home is looking bare right now, doesn't feel as homey as it used to. All the photos on the wall are gone and a lot of stuffs have either been shipped to Beijing or given away to charity shops. We only have the necessary stuffs left. Even so, it still will take a lot of energy to pack up when we're going on the 29th.

At this point, I have mixed feelings...
Oh, I forgot to post here... Last Thursday, the 7th July, I went for the last meeting with my supervisors. Yup, I made my decision to withdraw from PhD final that day. The withdrawal form was signed and given to the University that day. No words can really describe how I feel (even now).
I just hope I made the right decision (even when I look at it in the far future). I hope I will never regret this. I know I am supposed to let it go, that it's a past, that I can't do anything about it, but I know, it will take at least a while.
So pray, that I can go through this, that I can conquer my own negativity and move on. Pray that this move across countries will do me good. :)

Before I forget.

2011-07-04T18:20:00.000+01:00

Today, I am writing about our anniversary celebration, before I forget all the details about it. We ended up having lunch at home, because we had a sleep-in and both woke up quite late. All the packing and tidying things up must be really tiring us down, not to mention it's been a nice hot week! It's nice outside, where you can feel the cool breeze, in our flat, not so much. It becomes really hot in our flat, because the window can only open very little (even that we have to wedge it with 2 thick shopping catalogue books!).

So, we finally ventured out around 4pm. First destination was this new Pattiserie Valerie that we saw at Met Quarter (a shopping centre). They are specialised in cakes and desserts as well as serving some hot food and salad. We went there for the desserts. There were so many choices, but we ended up with 3: Black Forest Cake, Double Chocolate Cake and a Whoopy Pie. Iced lemon tea for the drinks.
Mmm... Those cakes were heavenly! Sweet but not too sweet! Just lovely! They are quite expensive, as we ended up paying £15.25 for our desserts (the cakes are both almost £5 each)! However, we found out later that they are mostly £1 cheaper if we take away! So next time, we would take away and eat at home hehe...

It was around 6pm when we finished, about dinner time already... But we decided to walk around Liverpool One for awhile, to let all the desserts go down a bit. :) No shopping this time, just window shopping and taking pictures around.
In China, Lan bought me a point-and-shoot Canon S90. I love it very much because I can easily put it in my bag and it's not as heavy as our DSLR. So, lately, we've been using my camera a lot. (I think Lan's become too lazy to carry his own camera hehe).
Anyway, after an hour or so, we went to Mei Mei (Chinese restaurant) to have our dinner. We had Japanese Tofu on hot plate, Crispy noodles and Sze Chuan beans. Delicious and too much! We ended up taking some leftovers home. :)

Simple celebration, but it was nice. We hope to celebrate, at least, the next 50 years together.

Happy 4th Anniversary, Honey!

2011-07-02T16:42:00.000+01:00

It's amazing fast we've got to celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary today! Time just flies unbelievably fast!!!
And no matter how fast it's gone, It's been great! Saying 'yes' to Lan was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life. He's the better man than I've ever wanted from a husband. He is kind and understanding beyond my expectation, supportive at all times.
Inevitably, we had our clashing moments, but each and every one of them built us up stronger rather than tore us down. I praise the Lord for that.

I am forever grateful to The Lord for Lan, for this marriage, for His plan in our life.

Happy anniversary, Tun! ;)

And happy birthday, my dear beloved sister, Yulie!!! I love you and I can't wait to see you soon at home. :)

Almost 4 years.

2011-06-28T23:25:00.000+01:00

In 3 days, Lan and I will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary! WOW! 4th year already! I am ecstatic! I am all the more excited in spending all the years to come with him... Over the years, our relationship gets easier. We understand each other better, compromise easier and we definitely are involved in a lot LESS and a lot SHORTER fights. It does take time to adjust from single life into a marriage life, indeed, but it definitly is better when both parties are willing to live the adjustments. And I am glad that we both are willing.

We plan to just celebrate it with a simple dinner, because we're going to Paris in 3 weeks! YAY!
Lan has got his Schengen visa yesterday (a very much shorter time to kill compared to mine!), we've bought our disneyland tickets today and we've planned our time there already. Suitcase is half-packed. I just can't wait!!! *wheeee!*

In the mean time, we're packing and sending stuffs to Beijing like crazy!

ONE month left!

2011-06-27T13:55:00.000+01:00

I can't believe we only have ONE month left before we leave UK for good... I have mixed feelings about this; excited, scared, happy, and sad. It feels like Lan and I are closing this chapter of life and are opening a new and unknown chapter of the future!

There are still a LOT of things to be taken care of. Packing and sending stuffs, sorting unnecessary things to be donated, Lan's graduation on the 18th July, our trip to Paris on the 20th and my PhD withdrawal. The last one is the toughest one for me. I am having a hard time to finally make the decision. I mean... I've made it and I am ready to withdraw, but to finally fill the withdrawal form and to be obliged to write a detailed reason, it's difficult to do, especially when I feel guilty for 'suspecting' that I will disappoint my supervisors. Even knowing that this decision is RIGHT for me, does not make it any easier.

I guess, I have to do what I have to do, right?

July is going to be a crazy busy month for both Lan and I, but I am looking forward to it! Graduation, Paris, a month trip to HOME! I am pretty sure a LOT of fun are waiting for us... though, I am pretty sure I'll be sad leaving UK on the 29th July. I've been in Liverpool for since September 2002, that's 9 YEARS! I've met people (including my husband!), in and out, happy and sad... I feel I grew up here and know my way around here comfortably, and now it's time to move on.

Ah... time does fly so quickly.

Cheshire Oaks

2011-06-22T20:58:00.000+01:00

Today, for the first time since March, I drove again! Lan and I rented a car (we got a Ford Focus) and (I) drove to the McArthur Glen Factory Outlet in Cheshire Oaks.

First time driving without instructor (since having the UK license).
First time driving 70mph on the motorway.

Boy I was NERVOUS!!!!
We used the free Ovi map on my Nokia phone (Thanks, Mich, for this ;))
I missed a few turns, went on the wrong exit on a roundabout, but we eventually got there safely (and back!)

It wasn't an enjoyable drive yet for me. I was trying real hard to make sure I drove properly. But overall, we had fun! Lan shopped lots more than I did. He got a nice pair of Timberland boots, a suit and a few other things :)
It was nice to not have to carry our things around, we could just put them in the car booth and start walking again!!

Ps. Thanks, honey, for believing in my ability :)

Yes, I am happy!

2011-06-20T11:07:00.000+01:00

I have never felt so complete like this before. I think, through the visa incident, Lan and I both realised that we love each other more than we think we do and more than ourselves. It's a great wake-up call. :)
We are closer than ever and understand each other more than 7 weeks ago.

I am so happy, but, gosh, I am so EXHAUSTED!!!! I think all the exhaustion that I tried to keep down during the 7 weeks has finally come up on the surface and affecting my body. I'm sleepy all the time.

However, overall, I am still so grateful! Grateful that prayers work, that faith proves that miracles still exist, that *most importantly* God still listens to each and every prayer we say.

And as Lan said, "God works in a mysterious way!"

Have a great week ahead, friends :)

Just a short one ;)

2011-06-17T22:55:00.000+01:00

He is home.
I am happy.
He is tired and jetlagged.
I am getting more insane-less.

We're together again!
Thank you, God! :)

Have a lovely weekend, people!

And he's coming home!!

2011-06-15T10:43:00.000+01:00

I slept less than 3 hours last night, in fact, I only fell asleep this morning at 6am, only to wake up at 8.30am. So I am all tired and my eyes feel like they are swollen, but I FEEL GOOD! I am HAPPY!

Got the news that Lan's got his visa at 02.51am.
Even better, got the news at 04.24am that he's got a seat on the flight middle of tonight AND will be arriving in Manchester Airport tomorrow (Thursday) at 19.15!

Woohoo!

All I can say to you, Jesus, is...
Thank YOU!
I've said it hundreds of times and I will keep saying it for the rest of my life.

Thank you for the prayers and support, friends (& family)! You all have helped me knock the Heaven's door. :)

Happiness overdue!

2011-06-14T17:23:00.000+01:00

I am still in the 'surreal' phase right now, but I would love love love to share a good news that we have all been waiting for!

Got a news that the UK Embassy has finally finished processing Lan's visa and it's now back to the agency. Lan tried to pick it up today, but because he got the news so late, by the time he got to the agency, it was already closed. So, tomorrow morning, he will go there to pick it up.

Thank you, Jesus, for answering our prayers!
Thank you, everyone, for praying for us earnestly!

We will find out tomorrow whether or not he gets the visa and whether it's already valid. If so, he will try to get on the flight back to Liverpool tomorrow night and hoping to arrive on Thursday afternoon or night!

I was so happy that I was crying when I heard the news! I'll post about the visa tomorrow. :)

Again, thank you, Jesus!

Llangollen - 11 June 2011

2011-06-13T23:14:00.000+01:00

As Lan was not back yet last week, my adventure on the Saturday with Michel begun again. This time, we went to Llangollen, which nestles within the beautiful Dee Valley in the North East of Wales. It took less time to drive there than Llandudno (the place we went the week before). As before, we went to ASDA first to buy some lunch to be eaten when we get to Llangollen.

To me, Llangollen is a cute little town. It has little shops, varying from craft shops, bakery, pastry shop, ice cream parlor, butchers and traditional English tea rooms that look intriguing! It gave the same feeling as when Lan and I went to York last year, which I never got around to write on the blog. :( It's the feeling of what British towns should be.
So, we, firstly, explored the town, which is not very big, and paid a visit to the tourist information there to grab some leaflets of the local attractions. It rained hard for awhile, but, praise The Lord, it stopped and from then on, the weather improved and the sun begun to shine. We, then, walked to Llangollen Wharf, where we got to see a canal boat being drawn by a horse. We were going to have our lunch on the side bench there, but, at the end, we moved away because there were ducks approaching us. I think they were trying to get some food from us!

During lunch, we were trying to decide what to do next. In the end, we agreed on going 'up' to Dinas Bran Castle. The journey took around an hour through a steep zig zag route. I was definitely having a hard time hiking up there! I had to keep stopping to catch my breath. While the view was definitely breathtaking, it sure took a LOT of breaths to get up there! Unfortunately, Dinas Bran Castle only managed to stand tall for 20 years because it was burnt and got ruined by the weather; strong winds, etc. Still, it was worth going up and sitting somewhere (where there were no sheep poo!) and just enjoying the scenery around it.
One thing that I forgot to say is that there were sheeps everywhere (and their poo too, obviously!)

After awhile, we went back down to the town, where I bought a very tasty rum & raising homemade ice cream *YUM* and Michel bought a bar of chocolate.
Our next destination was Pontcysyllte Aqueduct, which was around 5-10 minutes by car from Llangollen. Pontcysyllte Aqueduct is a 38m high and 307m long canal bridge and pedestrian path with River Dee underneath. We crossed the Aqueduct and back nervously! It was very high and I made sure I held on the railing bar tightly on one hand and held on Michel's jacket on the other, just in case hehe... Despite the nerve, it was such an amazing experience! I can never imagine how they built such an amazing architecture!

From there, we headed back by, first passing the famous Horseshoe Pass, which is claimed to be the most spectacular views in Wales as it climbs from Llangollen around a wide valley to form the shape of its name. It's like driving in the middle of nowhere; every corner I looked it was green and fresh, the sheeps were, as if, they own the place, they were everywhere! What an awesome experience!

Ps #1. Thanks Michel for finding this place and for all the pictures. I had a great time :)
Ps #2. Click pictures for larger version.

The power of prayers

2011-06-10T23:42:00.000+01:00

There's still nothing new on Lan's visa process. I could hear Lan's frustration today when I talked to him on the phone. He's getting really tired of everyone in the family asking how the visa is. He just wants to be home with his family, his own little family, he and I. That's one sweet saying of his today :)
I feel as if we are both just going through the cycle of up and down, when I'm down, he's up and encouraging me, when he's down, I'm up and encouraging him. I wonder how long this going to last, because, I know, both of us are getting really weary.

However, I'll keep praying, he'll keep praying and I am so very much thankful there are so many people who are praying for us; My parents, Daddy Arifin, Daddy Phillip, Helen & Gary, Alex, Louise, Georgia, Aunt Audrey & Fam, and many more...
Yes, I admit that this is so hard to go through and, yes, I'm kind of skeptical at this point, but, I still believe my Father in Heaven hears my prayers, Lan's prayers and everybody else's prayers. I believe He is sorting this visa out for Lan and I. I believe that each passing minute brings us closer to the time when he comes back to my arms.

And I am thankful that I have hope in my dear Heavenly Father, otherwise, I don't know what I'd do now...

Have a great weekend, everyone, a blessed one :)

Llandudno - 04 June 2011

2011-06-09T17:12:00.000+01:00

This is a long due post since last week, so since I am feeling a bit happy, I thought it's time to post the adventure I had with Michel last Saturday. :)
It was such a beautiful sunny day last Saturday! The perfect Summer day here in the UK, such a rare day, if you know how uncertain the weather here. So, we went on our 4th week day-adventure. We went to Llandudno, a beautiful seaside resort in North Wales. It has a nice bay, pier and summit.

When we got there, we went to ASDA (a supermarket) first for toilet and lunch. We figured, it would be cheaper that way. So, after we got our lunch sorted, we went to find a parking spot, which was quite hard, since there were so many people going there! We're lucky that one lady actually went out and we got her spot. We walked to the bay and had our lunch first, while making sure there were no seagulls coming near to steal our food. :p
Afterwards, we walked along the bay and the pier. The wind was acceptable and the view was so breathtaking! I really loved being there and just looking at the scenery! A truly beautiful city.

After we walked to the end of the pier, stayed there to watch the jellyfish floating around aimlessly, we started to walk on the direction towards the summit of the Great Orme. There were 3 ways to get up to the summit; hike up there (around 2km), cable car, or the tram. I didn't really want to hike up there, since it was so steep and I was feeling exhausted mentally. So, we checked the price of the cable car first, since I've never been on a cable car. It would cost a bit more than £7.00 to get a return ticket on the cable car, which is a bit expensive for us, hence, we decided to check the Great Orme Tramway instead. The tram was way cheaper, £5.80 for a return ticket per person. That was good!
As we got on the tram ride, the view was absolutely stunning! I loved how green it is there, so beautiful and beyond words to describe. I think the 2 most favourite places for me in the UK would be York and Wales! They have beautiful sceneries as well as the English style that I expected it to be when I first arrived here in the UK.

As we went up, the air became chiller. I was having the worst of it, since I was wearing shorts hehehe... The wind was also stronger higher up, so we didn't stay for long up there. We took a half-way walk down, before getting on the tram to finally go down to town. I was just glad we did not hike up there, because, even going down, it was so difficult due to the stiffness. :)
Afterwards, we walked around the neighbourhood and were admiring the beautiful houses. I loved this town. We were there from around 1pm to 6pm, had fun and especially thankful about the beautiful weather. We were all tired and hungry on the way home, I had to keep reminding Michel to drive safely, hehehe.

All in all, I had a great time. Thanks, Michel, for a great day out! :)

Ps. Click on the pics to view them larger.

Is this the sign?

2011-06-09T16:10:00.000+01:00

The sign that it's a turning point now? Or the sign that things are looking up from now on? I'd love to say I hope so, but we never know, right?

I got a text message from TLScontact on Tuesday, in the middle of my counselling session, that they got my passports back from the French consulate and they were sending it back that day and I'm supposed to expect the parcel to come on Wednesday (yesterday). I stayed the whole day, knowing that the courier will come between 9am - 5pm. I was kind of worried the thing that happened a few weeks ago would repeat. It was 5pm and, YEP, they did NOT come! I was furious.
I sent them a complaint e-mail, saying that they are totally unreliable and unprofessional! Seriously... I feel like I never had a good experience using this courier, but I have no choice, because this is the chosen courier used by the French consulate. I got no reply, I tried ringing them, but it was just a waste of time and money since I was kept on the 'queue' while trying to talk to a person! I sent another e-mail, to the customer service this time. No reply. Nice.

But, hey, miracle does happen :) Around 3.10pm, I got a call, the courier is outside waiting for me. GOOD! So, I got my passports back safely plus my French visa for our Paris trip in July! Hallelujah!
That's one thing off my list of prayers. Now, if only Lan's visa would come out TOMORROW, that will be great! :)

Thank you, my dear sweet Jesus!

This is getting harder.

2011-06-06T23:42:00.001+01:00

Lan's still not here yet and I am emotionally a wreck. It gets harder each passing day. The one thing that I desperately want to hear and have been waiting for what seems ages, that the visa is out and he's heading back to me, I don't know what I'll hear that.

I managed last week with shedding no tears, but that probably was wrong, because this week it feels as if my flood gate is broken and I keep crying like crazy until my eyes are super sore. It gets to the point, where I have no words to describe the pain, the hurt, the emotion inside, could tears speak louder than words? Maybe.

I know that this is NOT Lan's fault. That if he could choose, he wants nothing of this happened and he would come back as planned. However, it's so hard not to have a scapegoat. It's so hard not to see this as his fault, that he put me through all this...

I am so sorry, honey, that I blamed you. I know you're suffering, too, but, when you said you know how I feel, I honestly think you don't know, because I can't even begin to describe it to you how much it tortures me to keep waiting like forever.

I just hope it's this week.