http://nymag.com/tags/ask-polly/The Cut: Ask Polly2020-05-29T11:25:23ZA weekly advice column about friendship, relationships, and career, featured on the Cut.2014Feed for Node.js‘Will Grief Destroy My New Marriage?’https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/ask-polly-will-grief-destroy-my-new-marriage.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-04-24T10:00:23Z2019-04-24T10:00:23Z2019-04-24T08:45:23Z

Dear Polly,

This the second time I’ve written anything in many years. The first time was about a month ago, when I tried to squeeze my entire life story into a single paragraph on a therapy clinic’s intake form. My husband and I were married five months ago. A lot...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I Am Rich and Worthless’https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/ask-polly-i-am-rich-and-worthless.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-04-17T10:00:00Z2019-04-17T10:00:00Z2019-04-17T08:45:00Z

Dear Polly,

I am an emotionally and financially abusive person. Or at the very least, I think I am. And those thoughts are getting worse.

I am 26 years old and living with my parents, near broke (according to my bank statement), and a lazy sack of shit. Or again,...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘Why Do I Always Have a Crush on Someone?’https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/ask-polly-why-do-i-always-have-a-crush-on-someone.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-04-10T10:00:06Z2019-04-10T10:00:06Z2019-04-10T08:45:06Z

Dear Polly,

I am 27 years old and recently ended a two-year relationship, my first long-term “adult” one that ran its course. It was a wonderful relationship and a mature, loving breakup. Before I met him, I thought I would never be “loved in that way.” Now, I don’t believe that’s...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I’m Juggling School With Full-Time Work and I’m Miserable!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/04/im-juggling-school-with-full-time-work-and-im-miserable.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-04-03T10:00:27Z2019-04-03T10:00:27Z2019-04-03T08:45:27Z

Dear Polly,

I’m tired. Right now, I’m working full time in a law firm while also going to school full time. Most of the people my age have already graduated from college and moved on to grad school or their degrees, but I took a different path and I’m just...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘My Husband Read My Journal and Now He’s Upset!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/ask-polly-my-husband-read-my-journal-and-now-hes-upset.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-03-27T10:00:07Z2019-03-27T10:00:07Z2019-03-27T08:45:07Z


Dear Polly, 

The past year has been hard on our family. My husband and I have beautiful children and are gainfully employed, but he dislikes his position and is dealing with major depression and anxiety. I’ve been holding it together, some days are better than others, but I support him and...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I Send Letters After Relationships End, But No One Writes Me Back’https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/ask-polly-no-one-writes-back-to-the-letters-i-send.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-03-20T10:00:15Z2019-03-20T10:00:15Z2019-03-20T08:45:15Z

Hi, Polly,

I have a lot of trouble expressing my feelings to romantic interests while we’re in the thick of it, both good and bad. I can’t even seem to be honest during a final argument or good-bye. All I know how to do is put it in a letter,...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘Time Moves Too Quickly!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/ask-polly-time-moves-too-quickly.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-03-13T10:00:12Z2019-03-13T10:00:12Z2019-03-13T08:45:12Z


Dear Polly,

There’s this concept in physics called “entropy,” which is essentially a measure of the overall messiness of a thermodynamic system, and there’s a fairly important physical law that states that the entropy of a given system can never decrease. Which is weird, because it’s one of the (very)...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I’m a Pathetic Loser Who Can’t Stop Procrastinating!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/im-a-pathetic-loser-who-cant-stop-procrastinating.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-03-06T11:00:14Z2019-03-06T11:00:14Z2019-03-06T09:45:14Z


Hi Polly,

I started writing you this letter, then thought, I’ll work on this some more tomorrow, and almost closed the email draft. Realizing the irony of that, I forced myself to plow through this letter in one sitting, knowing that if I didn’t finish it now, I never would.

...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘Is My Absence From Social Media a Red Flag?’https://www.thecut.com/2019/02/ask-polly-is-my-absence-from-social-media-a-red-flag.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-02-27T11:00:18Z2019-02-27T11:00:18Z2019-02-27T09:45:18ZDear Polly,

For the past four years, I have been off all social media. There wasn’t a huge incident or anything that prompted this, it was just a bunch of little things that started a domino effect of sorts. I was 23 and had just broken up with a guy...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘Nobody Shows.’https://www.thecut.com/2019/02/ask-polly-ive-fallen-apart-and-nobody-shows.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-02-20T15:25:20Z2019-02-20T15:25:20Z2019-02-20T14:10:20Z

Polly,

My hands are covered in jam because I just had a breakfast I didn’t want. I’d like to go wash them, but I’m too sad to care enough to make myself actually stand up. I was struggling with anorexia for the last several years, in and out of treatment,...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘No One Understands Me!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/02/ask-polly-im-17-and-no-one-understands-me.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-02-13T11:00:13Z2019-02-13T11:00:13Z2019-02-13T09:45:13Z

Polly.

Good evening. I’m a 17-year-old mess of a boy from India, and I mostly repent not living the life I envision to live, perhaps wasting my life behind being so triggered and emotional spelunking, for the past 5 years.

I am quite different from others, becoming more so day-by-day...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘My Family Isn’t Speaking to Me and I’m Miserable Over It!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/02/my-family-isnt-speaking-to-me-and-im-miserable-over-it.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-02-06T14:00:52Z2019-02-06T14:00:52Z2019-02-06T12:45:52Z


Hi Polly,

It feels like everybody who cuts out “toxic” people from their lives talks about how good they feel afterward. So I don’t know why it feels so terrible for me.

I was very close with my family growing up. But my mother and younger sister have some deep-seated...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘Am I Too Weird and Contradictory to Find Love?’https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/ask-polly-am-i-too-weird-and-contradictory-to-find-love.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-01-30T11:00:14Z2019-01-30T11:00:14Z2019-01-30T09:45:14Z


Dear Polly,

I’m sick of you accepting letters from women who are messes but have “a loving husband who always supports my decisions” or women who are in perfect relationships but are haunted by guilt about their exes. We single ladies are messes without the built-in safety net of a...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘Every Man I Date Finds the Love of His Life Right After We Break Up!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/every-man-i-date-finds-the-one-right-after-we-break-up.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-01-23T11:00:44Z2019-01-23T11:00:44Z2019-01-23T09:45:44Z


Hi Polly,

I’m 36. A long time ago, my first boyfriend, of six years, met the love of his life (fast forward to three-plus kids 15 years later) within a week after we broke up. I had ended it. He was extremely doting and spoiled me rotten, but we had good childish...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘How Do I Decide What to Do With My Life?’https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/ask-polly-how-do-i-decide-what-to-do-with-my-life.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-01-16T11:00:32Z2019-01-16T11:00:32Z2019-01-16T09:45:32Z

Dearest Polly,

I never had the courage to write to you about a problem that’s been bugging me throughout my life because I was afraid of hearing advice that might make me even more unhappy. But I’ve reached a point where I feel desperate enough to seek help from you...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I’m Depressed and I Want to Leave My Perfectly Good Husband’https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/ask-polly-i-want-to-leave-my-perfectly-good-husband.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-01-09T11:00:13Z2019-01-09T11:00:13Z2019-01-09T09:45:13Z

Dear Polly,

I love my husband, and I think he’s the best person by far I’ve ever been involved with. I certainly never liked anyone enough to want to marry them before. He’s smart and kind and funny and handsome and he laughs at soooooo many of my jokes and...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘My Ex-Boyfriend Hates Me and It’s Messing Up My New Life!’https://www.thecut.com/2019/01/my-ex-boyfriend-hates-me-and-its-messing-up-my-new-life.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2019-01-02T11:00:38Z2019-01-02T11:00:38Z2019-01-02T09:45:38Z


Dear Polly,

I was in a relationship for four years. I am 31, he is 36. I was unhappy, he was unhappy, but we were scared of being alone I guess. I don’t even know what went wrong, really. We had some beautiful memories. We were very close. We went...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I’m Scared of Failure’https://www.thecut.com/2018/12/ask-polly-im-scared-of-failure.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2018-12-26T14:19:58Z2018-12-26T14:19:58Z2018-12-26T13:04:58Z

Dear Polly,

I’m turning 25 in February. It took me two extra years to graduate from high school because of bullying. I’ve always been a bigger girl, and up until recently, I didn’t know how to love myself the way my best friends love me. I’ve been battling depression and...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I Will Never Be Who I Want to Be’https://www.thecut.com/2018/12/ask-polly-i-will-never-be-who-i-want-to-be.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2018-12-19T11:00:36Z2018-12-19T11:00:36Z2018-12-19T09:45:36Z

Dear Polly,

I will never be who I want to be. Okay, maybe that’s a bit dramatic. But then again, that’s honestly how I feel right now — like all my sneaking feelings of being an impostor, of not being smart enough or strong enough or confident enough to get...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky‘I Can’t Stop Comparing Myself to More Successful Writers!’https://www.thecut.com/2018/12/i-cant-stop-comparing-myself-to-more-successful-writers.html?utm_source=nym&utm_medium=f1&utm_campaign=feed-part2018-12-12T11:00:18Z2018-12-12T11:00:18Z2018-12-12T09:45:18Z

Polly,

I feel stupid even writing this because an integral part of my issue is that I never look to myself for answers, I always have to look to someone else, but here goes: I have crippling self-doubt that manifests itself in seething envy of others. I compare myself constantly to...More »]]>Heather Havrilesky